At the Ponyville spa, there was an insistent knock at door to Anon's massage suite. "MEESTER ANON!" Lotus shouted through the door.

Anon sighed and slowly pulled his arm out of Raven Inkwell's dripping pussy.

Raven grinned. "Can I have another Fast Pass?"

"I'm pretty sure that's something that we can only get away with once," he said, toweling himself dry. "Once a week at most!" he added before he opened the door to let her out. She walked past him on shaky hooves. Lotus glared at him and tapped her hoof impatiently on the tile floor. "Yeah, I get it!" he said. "Who's the next lucky mare?"

"We have a bigger problem," Lotus said.

"A bigger problem than a town full of horny mares, Lotus?" Anon asked. "Let's not say things we can't take back."

Lotus stammered for a moment. "A different problem!"

"Well don't keep me in suspense," Anon said, following her out to the lobby.

"We are having a problem with our plumbing," Aloe said.

"Phrasing," Anon snickered, following Lotus out the back of the spa lobby to the utilities room. She showed him the pipe leading from the boiler room to the sauna and the laundry room. The various pipe connections, valves and flanges were leaking steam at each junction. "What fresh fuckary is this!? Is this why the showers get cold so fast? Who the fuck tries to stop a steam leak with duct tape!? That'd last a month at most!"

"We have a pony that comes by to fix them, but she-"

"Clearly did a shitty job! I'm on this!" Anon said. "Where is the nearest hardware store?"

"There's one next to Quills and Sofas," Lotus said.

"You mean Beds and Breakfast?" Anon asked.

"No on the other side of it."

Anon turned to leave, but Aloe grabbed his wrist. "Anon, you can't leave us again! Not now!"

"Aloe, Lotus, come here," Anon said, kneeling down to speak quietly to them. "Let me explain something. As much fun as it is to get drenched from head to toe in mare cum, and it is a lot of fun; if there isn't a hot shower waiting for me at the end of a long work day, I will be the opposite of a happy camper. I will be an unhappy camper." He stood back up. "I'll be right back. I promise."

Anon walked a couple blocks away to the far side of the market district. Past Beds & Breakfast, past Quills & Sofas. That was when he found it.

"Pipes and Fittings." Anon read the sign aloud. "Finally a store that makes sense." He walked inside to find racks and shelves of plumbing hardware. One of the store clerks was busy taking the measurements for the tailored outfit a pony was trying on for a fitting. Anon shook his head. "I honestly don't know what I was expecting."

"I'll be with you in just a moment," said the pale-beige stallion, sporting a two-tone green mane under his teal Stetson hat before turning his attention back to his current client. The red stallion trying on the tuxedo. "Does that look good to you sir?"

"Eeyup!"

"How's the fit? Do you have enough room in the inseam?"

The red stallion turned a little redder. "Eeyup."

"Okay. I can make the adjustments we talked about. It should be ready in a couple days."

The red stallion stepped out of the suit and the tailor neatly hung it on a hanger and made a few last notes in his notebook. Big Macintosh turned to walk out of the shop but stopped in front of Anon. It wasn't the first time the two of them had crossed paths, and it wasn't often that the large stallion had to look up at anypony. He met Anon's eyes with a neutral expression. He didn't have the same vitriol for Anon that some other stallions seemed to harbor. He didn't see him as competition. Or at least he wouldn't have, before he got out of the studding game. He simply regarded Anon with a nod in professional courtesy.

"Non."

"Mac." Big Mac walked past Anon to leave the store before the other stallion trotted over to greet him properly.

"Welcome to Pipes and Fittings! I'm Pistachio," he introduced himself. "Anon, I presume?"

The only human in the world looked at himself. "How did you guess?"

"Miss Rarity has told me all about you!" Pistachio said.

"Did she now?"

Pistachio nodded. "I'm such a big, big fan of hers!"

"Aren't we all."

"I must say, you look exactly the way she described!"

"Is that good or bad?"

"Neither. It's merely empirical."

"Right."

"So how may I help you today? Are you looking to be fitted for a suit?" he asked.

"No, I'm actually just here for some plumbing hardware," Anon said, walking along the shelves, grabbing various pipes and connectors. "I'm also going to need a couple adjustable wrenches."

"The tools are towards the back," Pistachio directed.

Anon headed towards the back of the store as the door chimed again.

"Pistachio, darling! How in the world are you?" Rarity's familiar voice sang.

"It's always a good day when you visit, Miss Rarity!" he answered. "I don't have any tea ready, but I could put a kettle on if you'd like."

"I'm afraid this isn't a social call, darling" Rarity said as the door chimed again. "I was hoping you could do a fitting for my friend here."

"I've got better things I could be doing!" Applejack said in her unmistakable accent. "This ain't necessary!"

"Oh but it is, darling!" Rarity insisted. "You know she wants to marry you, and you need to be ready for when she proposes. It could be any day now!"

"Do we really need to get dressed up though?"

"Darling, Applejack, darling, a bride- er, a mare is never more beautiful than on her wedding day."

"But a suit though?" Applejack asked. "Why can't I just wear my gala dress?"

"Well, one of you has to be the groom, darling," Rarity said. "And the groom wears a suit. And you and I both know that won't be her. She always dresses in style."

"But Lyra and Bonbon both wore dresses for their wedding!" Applejack said.

"Well, of course, darling. They're lesbians. But as you have both repeated many, many times, despite the mountain of evidence, that neither of you are lesbians. Unless..."

"No! We ain't!"

"A suit then, darling?"

Applejack nodded. "I suppose."

"Hey 'Stachio, do have Teflon tape?" Anon asked walking from out back with an arm full of stuff.

Pistachio pointed to the next aisle. "On the fourth shelf near-"

"Anon! Darling!" Rarity squealed as her eyes lit up. "Fancy seeing you here! How auspicious!"

"Rarity, no!" Anon quickly grabbed a roll of Teflon tape and dumped everything on the checkout counter. "Whatever it is you're about to say next, the answer is no. I'm way too busy right now!"

"Oh but you must, darling! This is simply inspired!"

"I'm walking away now!" Anon paid as fast as he could and grabbed everything to power-walk back to the spa.

"We'll be back in two shakes, darling!" Rarity said to Pistachio and she pulled Applejack along to chase after Anon. "Heavens, darling you've quite the stride!" she said jogging after Anon.

"Remember what I said about being busy?"

"This won't take but a moment darling," Rarity said. "I simply need to schedule you for a private event."

"All of my events are private," Anon said.

"The other day at the bakery wasn't very private," Applejack said.

"You know what I mean," Anon said. "Make an appointment with Aloe."

"I intend to, darling."

They followed him back to the spa. "Wait, what are you going to do with all that?" Applejack asked.

Anon looked her dead in the eyes. "I'm gonna lay some pipe."

Rarity walked over to the appointment counter while Applejack chased Anon out into the back room of the spa. He turned off the boiler to start replacing leaking pipes and joints. "You can't be doing this! This is my job!" Applejack shouted.

"Well you're bad at it," Anon said pointing at all the sloppy craftmanship as he pulled old pipes apart.

"I ain't incompetent!" Applejack said. "I'm a business mare! If you fix it once, you get paid once. But if you set up service plan..."

"The fuck? I thought you were the Element of Honesty."

"I am. And I can honestly tell you that I need to fix these pipes again. I never told no lie about fixing them permanently. So why don't you go back to your job so I can do mine?"

"No! Not unless you're going to do it right!"

"This ain't none of your business!"

"Oh, it very much is my business now! Nopony is taking Aloe or Lotus for a ride!" He leaned in close. "That's my job!"

"I need this service contract," Applejack said. "Things have been tight on the farm ever since Big Mac settled down and retired from... doing that."

"Studding?"

Applejack winced. "I ain't a fan of saying that in the same sentence as my brother."

"That's fair."

"Sugar Belle was even talking about letting him get out of retirement to help out, but it don't much seem worth it now, what with you cornering that market."

"Don't try to turn the tables on me!"

"I ain't turning no tables that weren't already turnt!" she said.

Anon threw his hand in the air. "I don't have time for this! So here's what's going to happen next: You're going to fix these pipes, properly this time. And then..." Anon emptied his bits pouch. "I'm going to pay you a hundred bits to fuck off."

"Is that it?" she asked.

"Don't tell me you charge them more than that!"

"No! I mean... that's all that's going to happen?" she asked.

Anon's expression softened. "AJ, look, I remember what it was like to be a wage slave, living paycheck to paycheck, worrying about where your next meal is going to come from. So I'm not going to tell anypony about your little side-hustle. Normally I wouldn't care. But this is my house now, you understand?" She nodded. "Listen, another month from now when all this spring heat shit calms down, and you need work or whatever, just let me know. We can figure something out. And for fuck's sake, you're best friends with the princess. She's not going to let you lose the farm!"

Applejack smiled. "Thanks."

"Now fix the goddamn pipes! There's a line out there for the sauna!"

Anon closed the door to the boiler room and walked back out through the lobby.

"Sorry for the delay, ladies. Who's next?" The mare at the front of the queue waved her hoof excitedly. "Right this way."

"Oh, Anonymous! Darling!" Rarity sang as she trotted over across the lobby.

"I'm with a client, Rarity," he said. "Whatever it is, it'll have to wait."

"But this will just take a minute, darling!"

"A minute I don't have!" he said, helping his client up onto the new massage table. "I'm already behind schedule."

"Can't you multi-task, darling?" she asked.

"Like you wouldn't believe," Anon muttered. "Rarity, if you want to stay and talk, that's up to her."

The mare on the table smirked. "I don't mind if she watches."

"Great. Super," Anon said, applying a liberal coat of lube to his hand and wrist. "What was it that you ordered?"

"A double, with an à la mode, please."

Rarity closed the door behind her. "I'm sorry darling, are you running a café here now too?"

"It was the twins' idea," Anon said, pointing at a nearby copy of the menu. "Makes it easier for clients to know what they want and for more accurate scheduling." Anon started working his fingers inside his client's pussy. "Under the Deep Tissue Massage section."

Rarity looked at the menu. "So a double with an à la mode would be..."

"Two maregasms and a cream-pie," Anon explained as he slid his hand inside the mare.

"Yes, I can see that, darling" Rarity said as she read the menu with the wet sounds of Anon fist-fucking the mare on the massage table. "What is the... clam buffet?"

"I'm pretty sure that was what you got the last time you were in here," Anon said as he started to work the length of his arm in and out of the other mare. "It's where I perform oral sex."

"I see. So I assume the carrot massage is-" The mare on the table moaned over the symphony of wet squelches coming from under her tail, juices splattering on the tile floor, and air escaping that were totally not queefs. "Heavens darling! I certainly hope I didn't sound like that last time."

"Do you really want an answer to that?" Anon asked, using his free hand to wipe the sweat from his forehead. He shifted his stance to get a better angle and keep going. "I really hope you didn't just come in here to quiz me about the new menu."

"Right, of course not darling. I wanted to talk to you about Applejack."

"What about her?" Anon grunted, wrapping his other arm around the mare to flick her bean while he fisted her.

"Well, as I was saying earlier, darling, -"

The other mare started moaning louder.

"Rarity you're going to have to speak up."

"I said I wanted to schedule you for a private event, darling!"

"I told you to schedule it with Aloe," Anon said loudly over the wet slapping of his biceps against the mare's ass.

"I did, darling! But I just... where even is Applejack?"

"Fixing the spa plumbing!"

"But today was supposed to be her day off!"

"Some people don't get days off unless they're dead or dying!" The mare on the table quivered and shook as her pussy gushed out around his arm, splashing onto Rarity's hooves.

"Goodness!" Rarity stepped back and quickly wiped herself dry with a towel while Anon pulled his arm out with a wet 'shlorp'. He stepped out of his shorts and stood behind the mare on the table to start fucking her. Rarity looked shocked.

"What? It's the à la mode." Anon said as his hips started slapping against the other pony's.

Rarity looked at the other pony's face. "But darling, he- it's intercourse! And you're not even wed!"

"Don't knock it until you try it," she said, barely able to keep her tongue in her mouth.

"But he isn't even..." Rarity picked up one of the many pony dildos. The other mare wasn't even listening anymore. Her eyes were going off in different directions as fresh wetness dripped to the floor. Rarity just watched the mare getting fucked for well over a minute. Several even. She chewed her lip and tried to remember why she hadn't taken a dicking yet. "Maybe marriage is just a piece of paper..." she muttered under the noise of the other mare cumming yet again. She looked away and shook her head to clear her thoughts.

"Since this was supposed to be Applejack's day off, I had scheduled a session for her. But since she'll be working through it by the looks of it, you should be able to catch up with her missing hour, darling."

"How magnanimous," Anon said, gripping the mare's tail in his hand and giving it a little yank. It seemed to please her.

"Well, I am the Element of Generosity after all, darling," she said. "And in the spirit of one good deed deserving another..."

"Oh, here we go..." Anon rolled his eyes.

"... I'd like to reschedule her session for this evening, just after the usual end of your operating hours."

"And there it is."

Rarity pursed her lips. "Yes, Aloe made it quite clear to me about your stance on working overtime, darling. But returning the favor to Applejack for ensuring you have a working, hot shower at the end of the day would be a fair exchange, no?"

"I suppose..." Anon said as he continued to fuck the mare on his massage table. She tried to speak but it came out as a jumbled mess. She made a twirling motion with her hoof. "Did you want to roll over?" Anon asked. She nodded. Anon paused just long enough to roll her onto her back. She leaned her head back and looked, upside down, at Rarity with unfocused eyes as Anon resumed. Her jaw went slack and her tongue lolled out.

Rarity looked at the wall clock. "Really now darling, you don't need to show off."

Anon held the mares legs while he fucked her with her hooves over his shoulders. He looked at the clock. It had been a few minutes. "This is actually pretty typical."

"Please-" the mare begged.

"Right. Sorry." Anon thrusted faster and held himself as deep as he could push inside her as he came. She moaned an quivered, feeling his cum douse the flames of her heat. Seeing the mare's O-face again made Rarity chew her lip. Anon held himself still to give it time to soak in. "So this thing... tonight..." he panted, and pointed at the menu, "is it just a regular session or..."

"Well, since she's getting married, it's supposed to be a little girls' night out soiree."

"Oh, you mean like a bachelorette party?" Anon asked.

Rarity somehow turned even whiter. "Anon, no! Don't say the P-word!"

Pinkie Pie burst out of the ceiling vent. "Did somepony say PARTY!?"

The last client of the day shuffled on unsteady legs toward the exit. Anon waved after her, "Wait, miss! You forgot-" The length of wire ran out and the vibrating ball in her ass was unceremoniously pulled out with an audible pop. Her knees buckled and Anon ran over to catch her fall. He helped her back onto her hooves.

"Okay, now I can walk," she said, as the vibrator buzzed against the tile floor like a nest of angry bees. Anon unplugged it and put it into the utility sink to be cleaned with the other tools. Anon wiped the sweat from his forehead with his slightly-less-sticky hand and he turned on the tap with some hot water and added some disinfecting soap.

The hot water was a good sign. It meant that Applejack had done her job well. And more importantly, there was a shower waiting for him after he was done here.

"Oh, Anonymous..!" Rarity sang as she trotted into the lobby. She stopped at the entrance to his suite like she has walked into a wall as the miasma of marecum assaulted her nostrils. She took two large steps back and wafted the air away from herself. "Goodness, darling! How can you possibly work in such conditions!?"

Anon looked back at her over his shoulder and shrugged. Every single part of him was sticky. "You get used to it." He grabbed the hose from the spool rack and sprayed down the massage table and the rest of the room before squeegeeing the water on the tile floor into the drain. He coiled up the hose and put it away. "So where is the guest of honor?" he asked as he walked out.

"She'll be along shortly, darling," Rarity said. Pinkie Pie was hopping excitedly in the lobby while Lotus made a sign for the door that said Private Event. Just as soon as it was on the door, Lotus dove out of the way as it burst open and Rainbow Dash flew through with Applejack in her hooves.

"I got her!" Rainbow announced.

"Consarnit, Rainbow!" Applejack yelled. "I ain't even had a chance to wash up!" True to her word, her orange fur was marred with the dirt and grime of a day of manual labor on the farm.

"And on that note," Anon turned and walked into the shower room. He tossed his dirty clothes into the laundry bin and turned on the water. It warmed up quickly and he stepped under the spray. He put his palm against the tile wall and closed his eyes, just letting the warm water run over his tired body. He heard the door open. "Rarity, I swear-"

"It's just me," Applejack said, setting her hat on the bench and pulling the ribbons out of her mane and tail. "Hoping you don't mind." She turned on the shower next to him and stepped under the water.

Anon looked over at her as she just stood there with her forehead against the cool tile wall in silence.

"..."

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah..." she grumbled.

"..."

"..."

"I thought you were the Element of Honesty."

She snorted. "I'm fine... Just tired is all."

"Aren't you excited for you bachelorette p-?" Applejack's eyes shot open and they both looked to the door. Anon corrected himself. "Your little... gathering out there?"

She relaxed and slumped against the wall again. "I'm excited on the inside."

"Do you mean like in the way that most mares come here for?" he asked.

She glanced over at the modest penis next to her, wondering what all the fuss was about with him. "That too." She shuffled her hooves. "I just wasn't expecting this tonight."

"Well that's what makes it a surprise- uh... p-word," Anon said. He looked at the stains in her mane. The dirt was now just wet dirt. "You're gonna need soap, too." He held out the bottle of Mane & Tail shampoo.

"I know how to bathe," she said, but didn't move to take the bottle from him.

"Do you want me to..?" He shook the bottle in the general direction of her mane.

She shrugged. "Sure." Anon adjusted the direction of her water enough to let him put some shampoo in her mane without it getting immediately rinsed out. He waited for moment for her to start washing herself but she didn't move. "Well, go on."

"Oh." Anon set the bottle down and started scrubbing her mane. He worked it into a lather, getting it deep into her hair to wash her scalp with his fingers. Under the noise of the running water, he could hear her humming in appreciation.

"That does feel good," she said.

He worked his way towards her ears slowly, taking care not to touch them by surprise. He scrubbed the rest of her mane against itself, turning the lather dark with grime. He grabbed the detachable showerhead and gave her a thorough rinse before repeating with another shampoo lather. After that was some crème rinse conditioner that he let sit in while he added some shampoo to her tail.

Despite the intimate setting, and the expressed purpose of the event that evening, he took effort to avoid the dock of her tail as he washed it. He tried to keep it professional, despite the nature of his vocation. He was mindful of the showerhead direction as he rinsed her tail. The other bottle was a body-wash for fur. He drizzled a zigzag along her back and scrubbed her fur along with giving her a classic massage.

Applejack's front hooves slowly slid across the tile floor, out from under her as her front half lowered to the floor with her hind end propped up. Anon had to bend over to follow her shoulders but soon all he could reasonably reach was her hips. Feeling his hands on her flanks, she hummed in enjoyment, but then started to grow increasingly agitated.

"You're just making it worse!" She flagged her tail and backed up to pin him against the wall. She lifted her calves to rub her marehood against the side of his shaft. "Come on!" She managed to angle his tip enough to get it inside her and she pressed her hips back against his, taking his whole length inside her. It didn't give her it instant satisfaction she was seeking. She humped against him, making the wall shake before his hands grabbed her hips tightly to stop her.

Her senses snapped back to her through her haze and she looked back at the human behind her, trying to keep his pelvis from getting shattered. Applejack was mortified and quickly stepped away. "I'm sorry, I- I don't know what..."

"It's okay," Anon groaned, rubbing his lower back. "I know mares aren't themselves for this."

Applejack overturned the showerhead on the floor and turned down the temperature, squatting over it while it sprayed cold water up at her marehood. "Still, it's no excusing me doing that to you!" she said. "Forcing myself on you like that, and all."

"No harm, no foul," Anon assured her. "At least my pelvis didn't get smashed." He grabbed a towel to dry himself off. Applejack was still practically sitting on the showerhead with her wet mane plastered against her neck. "Um, once you're done rinsing... that, don't forget to rinse out the conditioner too." She just nodded without opening her eyes.

Anon walked over to his locker to get a clean change of clothes, and exited the locker room. In the handful of minutes that he was in the shower, the entire spa had transformed into a club. Vinyl Scratch had her turntables and amplifiers already set up an playing house music. The base and the tweeters were making the speakers go to war.

A couple of long tables were set up, one covered in catering food, and the other with wrapped gifts. And in the center of the spa, the hot tub was occupied by Rainbow Dash and her closest friends.

Just above the hot tub, was a small stage with a silver pole running from the floor to the ceiling. And there, dancing around that pole in a vest and cowboy hat, was a pale yellow stallion named-

"Braeburn!?" Applejack balked as she walked out of the locker room behind Anon.

"Oh, hey A.J!" Braeburn said in his western accent while giving her a wave with his hoof. He resumed his dance routine, gyrating his hips, making his semi-turgid shaft swing around in a circular motion.

Pinkie Pie cheered from the hot tub. "Yeah! Windmill dick! Windmill dick!" Rainbow Dash pumped her hoof into the air. Fluttershy covered her eyes with her wings. Twilight Sparkle was more confused than anything. Rarity wore the dull, goofy smile of a mare that had located the hot-tub's water jet.

"Who's the lucky lady tonight?" Braeburn asked.

"Ooh ooh! She is!" Pinkie Pie squealed, pointing at Applejack.

"I ain't!" Applejack turned to run.

Rarity grabbed her with her magic. "Oh don't be such a sour patch, Darling." She levitated her over to the chair added to the stage. Rainbow Dash quickly tied her with some rope.

"You dare use my own bondage against me, Dash!?" Applejack growled. Rainbow Dash just grinned and snickered as she tied the ropes with surprising expertise.

"She's all yours, Darling!" Rarity said.

Braeburn gave Applejack an awkward look before he started dancing again in front of her, making pointed, thrusting motions at her with his dick.

"Are you sure you want to settle down and miss out on all this?" Pinkie Pie said.

Applejack leaned away in her seat and winced. "More than ever."

"Is the bride to-be sure she don't want to go for one last ride?" Rarity asked.

"Yes!" Applejack shouted.

"Maybe just kiss the tip a little bit, darling" Rarity suggested.

"Alright by me," Braeburn said. "That'd be mighty appreciated."

"I will bite it off!" Applejack yelled, yanking at the ropes until the wooden chair frame broke in half and fell over with her, propping her exposed flank up into the air.

"She's ready for you, Darling!"

"Don't you dare!" Applejack shouted.

"I wasn't actually gonna mount you..." Braeburn said. "I mean, unless you wanted me to."

"She's just playing hard to get, Darling."

"Rarity, I swear!"

"Alright, this has gone on long enough!" Anon said, rushing up onto the stage to untie Applejack. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine! I could have got myself free!" Applejack said defensively. They both glared at Braeburn.

"I wasn't gonna do nothing! Swear!" he said as he backed away and resumed dancing around the pole.

"Well, that's rather rude, Darling!" Rarity complained. "The poor chap is left in the lurch, all hot and bothered now and without a mare to put it in!"

"Are you volunteering?" Anon asked.

Uncertainty flittered across Rarity's expression briefly. "Of course not, Darling! You know perfectly well that I am keeping myself pure until marriage." Rainbow Dash almost choked on her cider trying to suppress her snicker. Rarity was indignant for a moment, but only a moment before she saw a practical solution. "Ah, but what about the other bride-to-be?"

Rainbow Dash stopped laughing. "The what now?"

"You are the other bride, Darling, no?" Rarity asked.

"I thought this was AJ's bachelorette party," Dash said.

"Party!" Pinkie visibly vibrated.

"Who did you think she was marrying, Darling?" Rarity asked.

Rainbow Dash grinned. Applejack glared at her. "Don't you dare say whatever it is you're thinking!"

Rainbow Dash just laughed. "Wait, I thought this was supposed to be a surprise engagement for you."

Applejack looked back at her. "I thought this was supposed to be a surprise engagement for you."

They both looked at Rarity.

Rarity just smirked. "Surprise! You're getting married!" They were not as grateful as she was expecting. "Well, neither of you were ever going to pop the question! Applejack is too stubborn, and Rainbow Dash is so far in the closet she's finding Hearth's Warming gifts!"

"I'm not a lesbian!" Rainbow Dash protested.

"Well, then you should be quite interested in what Braeburn has for you, Darling." Rainbow Dash looked at Braeburns dick swinging around like a windmill. "Why, any straight mare would be clamoring to have that penis inside them. Isn't that right, Darling?"

"Uh... yeah."

"Well, go on up there and show us how it's done, Darling!"

Rainbow Dash slinked out of the hot tub up onto the stage.

Braeburn's face lit up. "Wait really!?"

"Yeah. Because I'm straight," Rainbow Dash said.

"Well, go on Darling, you must be quite pent up by now!"

"Hoo wee! Alrighty!" Braeburn mounted Rainbow Dash who winced as he slid inside her.

Ew. Ew. Ew. Just pretend its a strap-on. Just pretend it's a strap-on...

Rarity tittered as she leaned closer to watch.

"Wow, Dashie, I gotta say, a lotta guys talk big about wanting to cum inside you, but I never reckoned I'd ever get to actually do it myself! I'll betcha the foal might even look like AJ!" After almost a minute, Rainbow Dash felt him start to flare inside her.

"Nope! Can't do it!" Rainbow Dash quickly darted out from under him, leaving his erection hanging in the breeze as he started to cum.

Rarity screeched as she got blasted with a face-full of baby batter. "Not in my mane!" she shrieked as he left several more off-white streaks in her fur. She frantically scampered out of the hot tub and ran across the spa to the shower room to clean up.

Applejack sighed. "Well, I reckon that should just about cover her surprise wedding stunt."

Applejack and Anon stepped down off the stage. Anon looked down at the tent in his shorts. "What the fuck? Why now?"

Applejack glanced at Anon's erection. "Oh, don't feel too bad about that. Everypony is gay for Braeburn."

"Really?"

All the other ponies in the tub nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that's just like... a basic fact of the universe," Twilight said.

Applejack held Rainbow Dash's cheek with her hoof. "So, what did we learn?"

Rainbow Dash slumped her head and sighed. "That I am also gay when it comes to Braeburn. But other than him, I'm totally straight!"

Applejack just shook her head. "It's a good thing you're cute, sugar cube."

Rainbow Dash's mood brightened quickly. "So does this mean it's time for the main event?"

Applejack looked confused and worried. "The what? Was it not Rarity getting her mane spunked?"

Rainbow Dash snorted. "Ha! No. But that was pretty good. Come on!" She took Applejack by her hoof and pulled her to Anon's massage suite. "Tada!"

Applejack looked at the massage table, and then at Anon walking in after them. "It has been a long day. A back rub does sound good." Rainbow Dash giggled as Applejack climbed up onto the table.

"Okay," Anon said. "I can certainly do that." He grabbed the bottle of massage oil from the shelf behind him and poured some into his hands to warm it before rubbing her back and working it into her fur. The shower and shampoo earlier had done well to clean her fur of any dirt and grime. But a life of manual labor had made it more course than he was used to. "You might want to consider adding conditioner to your shower routine."

"Thank you!" Rainbow Dash said, unprompted.

Anon glanced at her. "I don't need commentary from the peanut gallery."

"It's just good to hear someone agree with me," Dash said. "I keep telling her." Applejack grumbled. "A.J. I'm just saying that when I'm in between your legs and you clamp them shut on my head, I worry that my cheeks are gonna get a rug burn."

"Do you want me to kick her out?" Anon asked.

Applejack shrugged. "It's just Dash being Dash."

"And you love it!" Dash said, flexing her wings.

Applejack snorted. "I wish I could quit you."

Anon added a bit of leave-in conditioner to his massage mixture, working it over the contours of her shoulders and back. For a mare known for her cooking second only to Pinkie Pie, there wasn't an ounce of fat on her. Every last part of her body was firm with toned muscle, as though she were carved from wood. Apple wood. It was in her name, and her cutie mark. He just assumed that it was his mind playing tricks on him. Even still, aware of it as he was, he couldn't help but recognize that unmistakable scent as he worked his way down her lower back.

Maybe he wasn't the only one. Rainbow Dash was licking her lips as she watched from the bench on the side of the room. "Make sure you get her cutie mark!" Anon glared at her, but she was blind to subtle social cues. And obvious ones.

"Your flanks would be next," Anon said.

"Mhmm," Applejack hummed in affirmation.

Anon moved his hands down from her lower back to her hips and thighs, keeping to the outside. Her brazen encounter with him in the shower room could have certainly served to forego any stilted awkwardness. But nevertheless, he was a professional that respected a client's boundaries. His massage moved from the sides to the backs of her thighs, just above her gaskin. Whether it was a pressure point, or a ticklish spot, her muscles tensed for just a moment, bulging definition through her fur. Her legs looked like they were sculpted from marble, like a Greek goddess. Only Celestia's legs were larger, proportionate to a mare of her height. But for a mare of her size, Applejack's legs looked like-

"They could crush a watermelon!" Rainbow Dash said with vicarious pride. "I've seen her do it, too! Sploosh! If I had to die, that's how I'd wanna go!"

"I didn't think Equestria had capital punishment," Anon said.

Applejack scoffed. "Not with all the royal pardons she's got."

"For what?"

"Assault."

"It was a dragon!"

"Resisting arrest."

"I was Discorded!"

"Animal abuse."

"It was a pet contest!"

"Reckless endangerment."

"I was acquitted! It's not my fault the Sonic Rainboom-"

"Breaking and entering. Theft."

"I was borrowing that book!"

"Endangering a minor."

"Well, with the statue of limitations... Wait, which time?"

"Operating a vehicle under the influence. Endangering a minor again,"

"Okay, carts shouldn't count for-"

"Food tampering."

"Okay, those charges got dropped anyway-"

"Endangering a minor again."

"Okay, so I guess it's a crime to let Scootaloo drink margaritas without a cutie mark!? You let Apple Bloom drink cider!"

"She had one. At home. With a meal. And the next morning she didn't wake up in a gall darn urinal!"

"Oh, I am just never gonna live that one down!"

Anon looked back and forth between them as he massaged Applejack's legs. "Wow. How are you two not already married?"

Applejack shrugged. "Just kept putting it off. At first it was because Granny wasn't keen on a lesbian wedding..."

"But I'm not a lesbian!" Rainbow Dash insisted, again.

"After she passed, Dash moved in. But with her being a Wonderbolts instructor, and all the work on the farm, we just never got around to it. And really, at this point, it'd just be a piece of paper."

"And an Awesome™ last name!" Rainbow said. "Apple Dash!"

Applejack looked at her. "Why don't you change your last name, Rainbow Jack?"

Rainbow Dash grimaced. "Maybe we can hyphenate it. Apple and Rainbow Jack-ash!"

Anon and Applejack both looked at her.

"The name suits one of you," Anon muttered.

"Sugarcube, say that again. Slowly."

"What?"

"We ain't donkeys!"

"Huh? Oh. OH! HA-haha!" Rainbow Dash fell off the bench laughing and clutching her sides.

"Good luck fixing her."

"Sugarcube, I could turn a pile of ash back into an unburnt barn. But there ain't no fixing that pegasus."

Rainbow Dash wheezed as she clamored back up onto the bench. "So hey, when are you gonna get to the..." She made an aggressive punching motion with her hoof.

"When, and if, she even wants to!" Anon said. He put a hand on Applejack's shoulder. "If that's something you'd be interested in."

Applejack shifted anxiously on the massage table. "Well, I wouldn't be the Element of Honesty if I claimed contrary-wise."

"And I wouldn't be the Element of Loyalty if I didn't stay by your side to watch every second of it!"

Applejack rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I'm sure that's why." She looked back at Anon a bit nervously. "I'm sorry, again, about being so forward earlier in the showers. I know it makes me a might hypocritical, and it ain't that I don't wanna, but... could we... take it slow?"

Anon nodded. "Of course."

Applejack flagged her tail, draping it to the side of her legs before spreading them a bit. Exposed from under her tail, her freckled marehood glistened in the light, winking her clitoris intermittently into the cool air. It telegraphed her need more than her words ever could.

"Okay... I'm gonna start now..." Anon said. Applejack nodded and laid her head against the pillow, presumably in a bid to help her relax. Anon cupped his hand and hovered over her vulva, feeling the heat radiating off of it. He would be the last one to call himself any kind of expert on the matter of estrus. But if his experience in the correlation was anything to go by, she had to have been in agony. The fact that she was holding up as well as she had been, was a testament to her sheer fortitude.

Anon closed the distance and gently placed his palm against her vulva. Applejack tensed and took a sudden breath in through her nose, but otherwise held her composure. Anon felt her clit wink hard against his fingers. It was a wonder that she was able to keep herself together like this. The mare that pinned him against the shower wall started to make a lot more sense now.

Anon slid his hand down just a bit, slowly working his thumb between her puffy lips to just barely stroke her little love button. Anon could hear the vinyl table padding squeaking in the grip of her hooves. She started to breathe hard, but neither in frustration or approaching climax. He turned his hand over and gently slipped a couple fingers inside her vagina, simply holding them there as his thumb continued to work her clit.

Applejack's restrained need was utterly invisible beside Rainbow Dash's anxious rocking on the bench. "Come on, come on! Start already!"

"Is she always like this?" Anon asked, gently sliding his fingers in and out of Applejack's pussy.

"Only when she's awake." Applejack barely got the words out before she went back to biting her hoof.

Anon looked over at Rainbow Dash. "This is her session. If you're bored, you can go find something else to do," he suggested.

Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes. "Whatever." She turned around and started rummaging through one of his tool boxes.

Applejack snuggled her cheek against her hoof as Anon slowly fingered her. "This is nice." she said, barely above a whisper. "With her it's always rush, rush, rush. And I'm all for efficiency, but..." she trailed off as Anon added a third finger. "This ain't something to be rushed."

"Is that how it normally goes?" Anon asked, getting his fourth finger inside her while his thumb stayed on her clit.

"Mhmm." Applejack nodded. "Though I'd be on my back and she'd be on top, being the light pegasus, muffs to mouth. But I'd be so good at it that she couldn't concentrate on her end and, well, it'd mean only one of us getting off."

"Well, that's not fair," Anon said, adding his thumb to the rest of his fingers, applying a bit of pressure to work in the width of his hand. "She should at least return the favor after."

"Yeah, she does. Sometimes," Applejack said, pausing as she felt herself being stretched. "It ain't like she don't like doing it. Dash just doesn't have-" she grunted as the widest part of his hand finally popped inside, and her muscles closed tightly around his wrist. "She just doesn't have my earth pony stamina, you know?"

Anon felt her strong vaginal muscles gripping his hand inside her. "I do know." He waited for her to relax to accommodate his hand inside her before he could continue. "With all that, I guess I just don't understand why you'd want to stay in a relationship with her."

Applejack looked over at Rainbow Dash digging through the toy box, with only her ass end hanging out of the top, and her rainbow tail excitedly swishing back and forth in the air. Applejack stared at that ass and sighed, winking her clit against Anon's wrist. "We don't get to decide who we fall in love with."

Anon thought about the bug queen waiting for him back home. "Okay. That, I do understand." He flexed his fingers inside Applejack's vagina, feeling a familiar, spongey patch, though it wasn't where he was expecting to find it. He pressed his fingers against it more firmly, massaging them back and forth across it.

"Whoa nelly!" Applejack's entire body quivered and fresh wetness dripped out around his wrist.

Anon stopped. "I didn't mean to catch you off guard like that. I just- I thought it would be deeper."

Applejack covered her face with her hooves. "It's true. I have a shallow g-spot."

"Is that really something to be ashamed of?" Anon asked. "I would think that it's a good thing."

"But I like a big dick!" Applejack said. "I like feeling filled. But once they get on in there, all the good-feeling bits go right on past it! And there ain't no convincing them to go half-way!"

"But what about..." Anon pointed at Rainbow.

"Her least of all!"

Rainbow's pointy blue ears must have been burning. "Holy cow! You have one of these!?" The lithe pegasus scurried back out of the box holding a dildo in her hooves. But not just any dildo. She was practically shaking as she mounted it into the strap-on harness. "The deluxe edition Big Red with the realistic texture! I thought they stopped making these!"

Anon raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you didn't like strap-ons."

"Anon, this isn't a strap-on. This isn't some bland, plastic fake dick. This is a fucking work of art!" Rainbow Dash stepped into the harness and tightened the straps. She reared up in front of Applejack and waggled it. "Recognize it?"

Applejack winced. "You know I do. Get it out of my face!"

Rainbow stuck out her tongue, but backed off. "You're such a wuss. It's not like it's the real thing."

"Ain't about who it's modeled. It just ain't sanitary."

"I do wash everything thoroughly," Anon assured her. Rainbow Dash grinned. "Just the same, why don't you just back off until she's done?" Rainbow Dash huffed and sat on the bench again with the toy bobbing awkwardly in front of her. Anon went back to slowly flexing his fingers inside Applejack, making her moan and coo on the table. The damp patch between her legs grew a little bigger.

"Ugh! So boring!" Rainbow Dash groaned. "When are you gonna get to the good part?" She made another punching motion with her hoof. "I know she can take a pounding."

"Just because she can, doesn't mean she wants to," Anon said.

Her nostrils flared. "Wait! I smell apple juice!" She zipped across the room to where Anon was standing, looking at where he was up to his forearm inside Applejack, and the noticeable puddle. "How did you..? You're not even doing anything!"

"I am. You just can't see it," Anon explained. "She has a shallow g-spot, barely five inches inside. You just need to rub that spot, gently in her case, and..."

Applejack moaned as another splash of apple juice spurted out of her pussy.

Rainbow Dash looked at him in awe. "Are you a witch?"

"No, I just know what I'm doing."

"More! Bring her here!" Rainbow demanded, pulling Applejack's legs to hang off the table to bring her butt to the edge. Rainbow ducked beneath the table and reappeared under her butt. "Come on, keep going!"

"Are you still comfortable?" he asked Applejack.

"Just don't stop," Applejack panted.

Anon did as she asked, keeping his fingers massaging her g-spot. He could feel her muscles tensing and relaxing in a rhythm with the waves of her climaxes of pleasure. None of them were the screaming, earth-shattering orgasms that he had come to expect of his clients, like a prospector striking an oil gusher. Rather, it was like the slow pumping of an established well. With each flex of his wrist, she'd squirt a little more, dripping into Rainbow Dash's waiting mouth.

Applejack tried to say something, but her words just melted together into a long string of gutteral vowels. "Un-ee-a-bee-ill." She tried harder to focus through her haze of lust and pleasure. "Need t'be... filled."

Looking underneath the table, Anon could see Dash grinning. This session wasn't meant for her entertainment, but it was what Applejack was asking for. His forearm was plenty lubricated by now so he pressed forward, sinking his fist deeper inside the mare, making her moan as he went. Dash was in rapt awe as she watched inch after inch of his arm slide inside Applejack.

By the time he bottomed out, she was watching so closely that she practically had her nose up against his elbow. Anon was surprised that even with his bicep up against the dock of Applejack's tail, he hadn't bumped into her cervix like other mares her size. He undid his fist inside her and extended his fingers. The tip of his middle finger just barely grazed the smooth contour of her deepest barrier.

Applejack tittered. "That tickles!"

Anon smiled. It was ironic that the mare that had asked for a gentle session was probably more suited for a hard pounding than any other in Equestria. He balled his fist again and started to slowly pull his arm back out. He could feel her powerful muscles pulsing and rippling around his arm as he moved. Her hooves grabbed the table again anxiously and her moans sounded more like nervous whimpers. He pushed his arm back inside her as deep as he comfortably could and she seemed to relax a bit more.

He started pulling back out again, daring to withdraw a bit further. He felt her tense up slightly, and her hind legs twitched as they hung off the edge of the table. He repeated it a few more times, trying to pull out a bit further each time. Pulling out a little further, he bulbous shape of his wrist hit her shallow g-spot.

Applejack's pussy gripped his arm and her thighs clamped together on Dash's head as she squirted not just once, but several times with much greater volume than before. Dash's sputtering desperation to breathe was drowned out by Applejack's throaty moan, as her whole body trembled and shook in her orgasm. The intensity of the moment passed and her whole body relaxed. Her thighs released Dash's head.

Dash fell to the floor, coughing to catch her breath. But just as soon as she did, she scrambled to get to her hooves and pushed Anon out of the way.

The floor was too slick with apple juice and he lost his footing. "Hey, easy!" Anon said, nearly breaking his wrist, still in Applejack's vaginal grip. He stood up and braced himself against the table to pull his arm out. Applejack's pussy bulged and stretched around the widest part of his hand before she finally let him go.

"Tag me in!" Rainbow Dash practically checked him out of the way to mount Applejack with the strap-on. Applejack didn't even have time to react before she pushed the dildo inside her, making her moan again. It only took a few thrusts to get the full length of it sunk into her thoroughly-wet pussy. Dash role-played a stallion well, wasting no time before she started happily plapping away into the mare under her.

Applejack was still reeling from her previous orgasm. Every wire in her brain was cross-firing. She couldn't coordinate her muscles or her words if she tried. Despite the impressive length of the toy, Dash was barely even pulling the bottom eight inches out before hilting it back inside. Each time she pulled out it was making Applejack spurt marecum again and again like a well pump.

But it made Anon realize something that he hadn't noticed before about the toy. The medial ring on the it was anything but medial. It was actually much closer to the base than average. Which meant that it was in just the right position to be hitting Applejack's shallow g-spot.

"Wow," Anon mused. "It's like that dick was perfectly designed to fit your body."

Rainbow Dash grinned and nibbled on AJ's ear. "Eeyup!"

Applejack grimaced. "Dash-!"

Dash looked at Anon, "Anon, you have to let me have this! You know, as a wedding gift!"

Anon rubbed the back of his neck. "I don't know, Dash. I don't remember that being cheap. Besides, I didn't think you were actually going to get married tomorrow."

"Fine, I can pay you back for it!" Dash bargained. "You know I'm good for it! I've got that sweet Wonderbolts money!"

Anon threw his hands up. "Okay, fine. I guess I could always make another trip to The Crop if I need a replacement."

"Sweet!" Dash said. "You hear that? We get to keep this! We are gonna be doing this every night!" Applejack made a sort of groan in objection. "Applejack, you're the Element of Honesty! You can't tell me you don't love how good this feels!"

Applejack covered her face with her hooves, but she didn't disagree.

"At least she finally figured out how to get you off," Anon said, grabbing a plastic gift bag for the toy. "But it's getting late. You don't have to go home, but you can't keep fucking each other here."

Rainbow Dash flapped her wings to lift herself off Applejack and pushed herself back with her hooves to pull the toy out of her. The rest of her trapped marecum gushed out with a final splash onto the tile floor. Rainbow Dash fiddled with the straps on the harness to undo them while Anon helped Applejack carefully step down from the massage table onto shaky hooves.

"Land's sake! What a mess!" she said, looking at the puddle on the floor.

"Let me worry about that," Anon assured her. "You just make sure you get something to drink. You're probably dehydrated after all that."

"I'm a might grateful for that massage, Anon. You really are everything they say."

Rainbow Dash trotted over with the gift bag. She reached inside and lifted the toy out to show it off to Applejack again. "We get to keep it!"

Applejack grimaced.

"Why the sour face, sourpuss?" Anon asked. "You looked like you really enjoyed it."

Applejack blushed. "I did... But I just hate how much I did." She turned to leave.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Anon asked.

Rainbow rolled her eyes and put the toy back in the bag. "She's just working through some personal baggage that she needs to get over. She'll be fine." She turned to leave as well, but Anon put his hand on her shoulder.

"Dash, I know she's a tough pony who's used to hard work, but..." Anon tried to find the right words. "You care about her, right?"

"Yeah, of course! She's my hetero life mate! That's why we have this, for totally straight sex!" She lifted the bag.

"For when you don't have your face buried in her muff," he said. She cringed. "What?"

"I just call it her juice box."

Anon laughed despite himself. "Okay, that's too fucking good."

Dash grinned. "Shut up monkey, I know it!"

"But anyways, what I was trying to say is, I know she's a tough, hard worker. And she obviously loves you, for some stupid reason."

"Because I'm Awesome™!"

"Sure. Let's roll with that. But what I'm trying to say is... I think you could help make it so that loving you isn't such hard work for her." Dash huffed at him. "I'm serious. You don't have to stop being you, but maybe just reel it in a little. For her."

It gave her genuine pause. "Okay, fine. I can try being twenty percent less cooler." Rainbow Dash turned and left the room.

Anon sprayed down the suite with the hose, sanitized the table, and mopped the floor clean. He toweled himself dry and grabbed his clothes. He walked out into the lobby. The rest of the party had cleared out. The decorations had been packed up by the only pony left, Pinkie Pie and a yellow stallion that was not Braeburn. His brown mane was just as curly and voluminous as Pinkie's. It bounced each time he smacked her flank with a spatula.

"Oh, hi Anon!" the stallion greeted between spanks. Pinkie Pie turned and looked as well.

"Oh, Anon! Have you met Cheese Sandwich?"

"I can't say I have," Anon said.

"He was at your studding class!" Pinkie said.

"I don't expect you to remember," Cheese said. "It was a full house."

"Yeah..." Anon stood there in mild confusion, despite everything he had seen just that day. "Where did you get a spatula?"

Cheese smiled. "There's just one place to go for all of your spatula needs."

"Spatula City!" Pinkie Pie cheered.

"What?"

"A giant warehouse of spatulas for every occasion!" Cheese said. "Thousands to choose from in every shape, size, and color. And because we eliminate the middle man, we can sell all our spatulas factory direct to you. Where do you go if you want to buy name brand spatulas at a fraction of retail cost?"

"Spatula City!" Pinkie cheered again.

"And this weekend only, take advantage of our special liquidation sale. Buy nine spatulas, get the tenth one for just one penny. Don't forget, they make great Hearth's Warming presents."

"And what better way to say 'I love you,' than with the gift of a spatula?" Pinkie asked.

"Is that where you work?" Anon asked.

"I'm the president of Spatula City," Cheese said. "I liked their spatulas so much, I bought the company! Seven locations. We sell spatulas! And that's all!"

Anon opened the door to his home and shuffled inside after a long, exhausting day.

"You were out late!" Chrysalis said, trotting into the kitchen. "I was about to start worrying about you."

"You don't need to worry about me," he said.

"You've almost died three times in as many weeks. My concern is not unfounded."

"Fair." Anon grabbed a cider from the fridge. "Did the new tub finish getting installed?"

"Yeah."

"Why don't you get a bath going and we can just relax in there for a bit?"

Chrysalis smiled. "I'd like that."

~

Anon disrobed and stepped into the warm bath to join Chrysalis waiting for him amid the cloud of bubbles.

"Thank you. This is nice." He relaxed against the side of the basin and sipped his drink. "I love you."

Chrysalis licked her lips. "I know."

"I never realized how right you were the other day. When you said that we were like weird puzzle pieces that fit together. I think that's what love really is. Everyone is weird. And love is finding someone whose weird matches your weird."

Chrysalis nuzzled against his shoulder. "Did you have a weird day?"

He sipped his drink. "They're all weird."

"So what kept you so late today?" she asked.

"I had to do a bachelorette party."

~

They both screamed as Pinkie Pie burst out of the bath water. "Did somepony say PARTY!?"

Author's Note

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