Dungeons and Dicks
Shoals of Intrigue
Previous ChapterNext ChapterIt didn't take long for the trio to sneak back to the inn, get cleaned up and find some grub. After scarfing down some much needed sustenance, and a few ales, which were slightly less required then the food they proceeded back into town. Upon doing so, they quickly ruled out the local guard, as were most other ponies they knew given the very real possibility that they had all been replaced or otherwise infiltrated. Only the elements of harmony could be trusted with something this important, this monumental.
And they knew exactly where to start looking.
“Twilight? Oh she isn't here right now.” Spike exclaimed with a shrug, the dragon leaning against the door to the library as he looked over the three ponies who stood before him.
“Where did she go? This is super important.” Button Mash pleaded.
The dragon shrugged. “Dunno. Just kinda ran off after getting a letter from Celestia. Didn't even bother telling me what the world ending issue was this time.”
“Do you know when she might be back?” Babs Seed pressed.
“No idea. But if you need a book I could keep the library open for a bit longer if you want.” Offered Spike, who motioned towards the interior of the tree library.
“I doubt you have a book which could fix our issue.” Flurry Heart replied.
“Sorry to hear that. If you want I could send her your way as soon as she's back though.” Spike continued.
“That would be great. Were staying at the Golden Clover Inn and well, you know me and Babs Seed’s names.” Button Mash exclaimed.
The dragon nodded. “Sounds good. Well, best of luck to ya.”
“Thank you anyway Spike.” Flurry Heart offered before turning and leaving along with her friends.
Spike eyed the disguised alicorn carefully before shrugging and closing the door. “What a strange unicorn.” He muttered to himself.
Outside, the three ponies trotted slowly down the darkened street, what little light was left fading by the second. “Now what?” Asked Babs Seed.
“I don't know. Do you have any ideas Button Mash?” Flurry Heart asked while turning to the cleric in question.
Who shrugged. “I don't know. Maybe we should just retire for the night and try again in the morning. Maybe they will be back by then.”
“I don't like it, but I’m already exhausted, and don't have a clue where to start.” Babs Seed admitted with a sigh.
“We can plan more in the morning.” Flurry Heart decried.
“Right.” Button Mash affirmed. “Back to the inn then.”
The morning air was crisp, and carried with it a slightly cool breeze which made all three ponies shudder as they stepped out of the inn the next morning. Sleep did not come quickly, despite their exhaustion, and it was only after an hour or so of fruitless turning did they fall asleep. Now awake, and ready to meet the day, the three companions couldn't help but wonder what exactly they had stumbled into.
“Come on. We should check Sugarcube Corner first. Pinkie Pie is always up early. Plus I could really use a coffee right about now.” Button Mash exclaimed.
“Ditto.” Babs Seed grumbled, her eyes only half open as they trotted down the street.
With noone shooting down his idea, Button Mash led the way down a side street and towards the familiar sight of Sugarcube Corner.
It didn't take long to reach the bakery, and the three ponies could already see ponies coming in and out of the business. Some carried baked goods while others had a steaming cup held tight in a hoof, all of whom seemed a little happier than those who had just entered. It was as busy as ever it seemed, and Button Mash recognized the usual crowd of older ponies who always hung around the business at all hours of the morning.
Pushing their way inside, they trio fell into the long line which stretched from the register to a few feet from the exit. There were no pink ponies in sight, but the register was currently manned by Mrs Cake, who would no doubt know where the party pony was. So they merely waited, basking in the pleasant aromas of baked goods, and freshly brewed beverages.
Time passed, and eventually the large, middle aged pony in front of them turned and left with a bagel and a tea, allowing Button Mash to step forward. “Is Pinkie Pie here?” He asked.
The other pony blinked. “No, why do you want to know?”
“I’m afraid I can't say why. What I can tell you is that it's very important I speak with her. Do you know when she will be coming back?” Button Mash inquired.
The other pony nodded suddenly, and pulled open the cash register before retrieving a slip of paper and handing it over to the cleric. “Here. Pinkie Pie told me to give this to and I quote ‘the cute colt who asks if I’m home and won't tell you anything.’” Mrs Cake declared.
Raising an eyebrow, Button Mash hesitantly took the simple peice of paper. “How would she… Oh that's right, she's a seer.”
“Our Pinkie can be quite obtuse, but she was quite adamant that it would help you, and that I shouldn't look at it.” Mrs Cake explained, only to lean to one side and observe the line which stretched from behind him. “Now if that's everything, I have other customers to get to.”
“Actually, I’ll have a triple triple, and a boston cream please.” Button Mash exclaimed, before grabbing the necessary bits and placing them on the counter.
Mrs Cake grinned. “I’ll be right back with your order.”
When she turned to leave, Button Mash subtly opened the slip of paper, with both Babs Seed and Flurry Heart leaning over each of his shoulders in order to read it as well.
Sorry we can't be there to help you guys but Icefang is trying to freeze the entire planet and winter is cool and all but it being winter forever would be boooring. I can give you some cool words of wisdom that would totally help though. So are ya ready? Well here it is.
*Ahem*
Seek out the allies you have already gained and with their help the evil will be chained.
Best of luck!
-Your pal, Pinkie Pie.
“Huh.” Button Mash muttered.
“What do you think it means?” Babs Seed asked.
“I don't know but we should find a spot to sit before we start trying to figure this all out.” Button Mash replied.
“Right.” Babs Seed agreed.
“Here you are.” Mrs Cake announced before hoofing over the stallion’s order.
“Thank you Mrs Cake.” Button Mash replied before turning and beginning a search for a table which would be more insulated against potential eavesdroppers.
Behind him, Babs Seed placed her order, and began searching for her bits, but the stallion hardly paid her any mind, merely trotting over to a large booth set a few feet from the other tables. Sitting on the far side, Button Mash carefully observed the various ponies walking around the shop, silently wondering how many of them were changelings. The shapeshifters were excellent impersonators after all, and it made the cleric wonder who he could really trust.
There was Zecora, who couldn't be a changeling, and maybe the dragon they had become intimately familiar with but other then that, everyone was suspect. Even Pinkie Pie’s note could have been a plant by a changeling, but Button Mash quickly decided that was unlikely. Pinkie Pie was an element of harmony after all, if the changeling could replace her, why bother leaving a cryptic note to some d list adventurer?
Button Mash sipped his coffee and smiled, the hot liquid settling in his belly and beginning to wake him up. Biting off a bit of his donut, he watched as his friends acquired their orders before coming over to his table and sitting on either side of him. Flurry Heart levitated a cup of tea and a bagel, while Babs Seed had a bear claw, a double chocolate donut, and a large black coffee.
Both ponies seemed content with their purchase, and quickly settled in.
“So, what's the plan?” Babs Seed asked before biting into the bear claw.
“Before we get to that. Are we even sure this note is authentic?” Flurry Heart interrupted.
Button Mash nodded. “I’m fairly certain it is. If they replaced Pinkie, then why fight some ice dragon across the world? Or leave us some random note for that matter?”
“Hmmm, that's true. It still doesn't quite sit right with me though.” Flurry Heart admitted. “They could have just replaced Mrs Cake and made up that dragon part.”
“This is definitely Pinkie’s hoof writing.” Button Mash declared. “It's not impossible to replicate such a thing but it just seems like a lot of effort for no discernible reason.”
“I still don't like it.” Muttered Flurry Heart before sipping her tea.
“Say we take the advice, then what?” Babs Seed asked, gesturing to the folded up peice of paper. “What allies would it even be talking about anyway?”
“I think Pinkie Pie is referencing Scorch and Zecora.” Button Mash replied. “Think about it. Scorch gave us some gold, and helped us accomplish that quest without violence and Zecora helped me out when I stepped on that root thing. They have to be considered allies at this point.”
Flurry Heart was tempted to mention how strange that last interaction had been, but decided not to. “So we go and talk to Zecora and Scorch, then what? We hunt down the changelings ourselves?” Asked the disguised alicorn.
“Hell yeah.” Babs Seed declared with a grin. “I’ve always wanted to squish some bugs ever since I heard about what happened on mount Canterlot.”
“Maybe it's a small infestation? One that we can handle.” Button Mash offered.
“I don't know. This still seems like something for the elements of harmony, or the guard or someone stronger then us.” Flurry Heart exclaimed before sipping more of her tea.
“But what if they are compromised? Then what?” Questioned Babs Seed, who pointed her half eaten pastry at the alicorn.
“Again, I don't know. This just seems like too much for us to handle…” Flurry Heart remarked, her voice trailing off at the end.
Button Mash reached out and squeezed the alicorn’s hoof. “I know this seems like a lot, but I’m sure we can do this so long as we work together and do our best.”
“Plus Applejack told me that when the elements of harmony went on their first adventure they thought the same thing.” Exclaimed Babs Seed. “She even said they nearly quit like a whole bunch of times before they really started to work as a team.”
“Aunty Twilight did mention that it took a while until they truly felt like they were functioned properly.” Flurry Heart admitted.
“Exactly.” Button Mash declared with a grin, the male giving his friend’s hoof one final squeeze before releasing it. “It's natural to feel like that. You just need to ask yourself if you are going to stick it out anyway.”
Flurry Heart nodded slowly. “I don't think I could just quit now. Especially knowing what could happen if Chrysalis accomplished whatever evil plan she's no doubt put in motion.”
“Great, so where to first?” Babs Seed asked before wiping a few stray drops of coffee from her upper lip.
“Zecora’s.” Button Mash declared. “Shes smart, experienced and might even have a potion which could help us figure out who is and isn't a changeling.”
“After that we should talk to Scorch. Something tells me we are going to need a little more muscle for this job.” Babs Seed added.
“Do we have to?” Flurry Heart asked while blushing profusely.
“Think about it Bleeding Heart. If that note was the real deal, then that means it's important we bring in all the allies we’ve made so far.” Button Mash explained.
“I mean I guess…” Flurry Heart admitted while poking the last crumbs of her breakfast across her plate.
“Does someone have a little crush?” Babs Seed inquired with a smirk.
“N-no!” Flurry Heart shouted back, only to cover her mouth with both hooves, her blush becoming so bright that it temporarily overpowered the darkness illusion on her hood.
Button Mash rolled his eyes. “As much as it pains me to say this, but we can't focus on that right now.”
“Wow, the cleric of love is telling us to ignore a developing crush.” Babs Seed announced through a mouthful of food. “This ain't that serious, right? I mean it's only one changeling.”
“Where there's one, there's always more.” Button Mash declared in a low tone. “You wouldn't get it. Your not a follower of Cadance.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Babs Seed asked.
“When she was imprisoned in the crystal caves, we could feel it.” Button Mash began. “When she was hurt, and thought she was going to lose the pony she loved, we could feel that too.”
“Mother’s connection with her followers is quite… intimate.” Flurry Heart explained.
The cleric nodded. “It's why I can't just let this go, or pass it off to someone else. Chrysalis needs to be stopped. She's a threat not only to Equestria, but the entire world.”
Babs Seed gulped down the last of her coffee before belching loudly. “So, what are we waiting for?”
Button Mash finished up his own coffee before turning to Flurry Heart. “Are you with us?”
The alicorn nodded slowly. “For mom.”
“For Cadance.” Button Mash added.
“For sweet loot and justice too I guess.” Babs Seed declared with a grin.
After leaving the bakery, the three steely eyed adventurers walked outside and viewed their surroundings in a new light. Danger lurked around every corner, and despite their convictions, each one couldn't help but wonder what they had gotten themselves into. Still, the call of adventure was hard to ignore, especially considering the villain they may end up finding themselves up against.
Walking through the crowded market, the adventurers kept close to one another, not stopping to exchange pleasantries or window shop. They had a mission after all, and they were determined to carry it out to the best of their abilities. As such it took little time for them to pass through the town, and begin leaving Ponyville behind as the Everfree rose before them.
The bright mid morning sun hung high in the sky, yet even it couldn't completely erase the looming shadows that stretched from the forbidding wood. That wasn't what drew their attention though, as the three companions couldn't help but give the train station a wide berth. This time there were no doppelgangers or obvious shapeshifters in the small crowd of random ponies and the odd non pony.
“Wait. Does anyone actually know where Zecora’s hut is?” Babs Seed asked suddenly, the fighter coming to a halt and turning to face her friends.
“The fork we passed yesterday supposedly lead to Zecora’s. It shouldn't be hard to find it after we find that spot.” Flurry Heart explained.
“Lets just hope our luck from yesterday holds out for a little longer.” Button Mash added.
“Right. I’ll stay in front. Flurry Heart your in the middle while Button Mash watches our rear.” Babs Seed explained before putting her helmet on. “Ready?”
“Ready.” The other two ponies replied before quickly getting into the aforementioned formation and beginning to trot into the Everfree forest.
The light of the sun dimmed as the sky was consumed by darkness, with only a few thin rays of sunlight managing to break through the canopy and illuminate their way. Though imposing, here at the edge of the everfree it wasn't quite as bad as it was closer to the heart. The memories of the deeper reaches of the forest were still fresh in the companion’s minds, putting this part of the wood into perspective.
Their wills steeled, and their weapons ready, the three ponies were prepared for a long day of walking, and fighting monsters. That was until a familiar shape strode out from around the bend of the path, her bags bulging with supplies, and a smile already on her face.
“Hello to you, how do you do?” Asked Zecora, as she strode confidently up to the adventurers.
“Not great. You see there's this-” Flurry Heart began, only for Button Mash stuff a hoof in her mouth and shush her.
Confused, the alicorn said nothing as the cleric retracted his hoof and leaned down, inspecting the zebra’s leg and finding that she still wore the bandage on the exact same spot. “Alright, she's clear.” Button Mash exclaimed after rising to a stand.
“My wound is clean, if that is what you mean.” Zecora remarked with a hint of confusion.
Flurry Heart glanced to Button Mash, who eyed the zebra carefully before nodding. “There's a changeling in town that was disguised as you.” Flurry Heart announced.
“And were gonna hunt it down with your help!” Babs Seed declared with a grin.
“That is a very serious claim. And to use even my name...” The zebra frowned. “If what you say is true, then I will help you see this through.”
“Cus we are so going to need your help with this.” Button Mash began. “The elements of harmony are out of town fighting some ice dragon and we don't know who to trust.”
“I will need time to figure this out. I must look, brew and scout.” Zecora declared, the zebra tapping the ground as she stared off into the distance. “Meet me back here in four hours. Then victory shall be ours.”
“That should be just enough time to get Scorch if we run there and back.” Button Mash declared.
Zecora raised an eyebrow and glanced at the cleric expectantly.
“Oh uh, he's a friend we met. Pinkie Pie left us a note telling us to gather our allies.” Button Mash explained.
“Ahh the purveyor of fun. She can be quite the disruptive one.” Zecora remarked. “Though her hunches are usually right, so we best follow them in case of a fight.”
“Perfect!” Babs Seed announced with a grin. “Alright guys, who's up for a little jog?”
Button Mash raised his hoof only to remember how poor his endurance was. “Why did I just suggest that?”
Flurry Heart chuckled. “Oh come on. It won't be that bad. Right?”2
Wheezing and trembling in all four legs, Button Mash stumbled to a stop at the entrance to a cave. “I. Regret. Everything.” He muttered between labored breaths.
“Ditto.” Flurry Heart added, before falling over.
Babs Seed chuckled and wiped the sweat from her brow. “You two need more cardio. I did that whole thing with my pole axe and my armor.”
“Screw. You.” Button Mash muttered before finally collapsing right next to Flurry Heart.
Whatever Flurry Heart was about to say was cut off when the sounds of heavy footsteps came echoing from inside the large cave. “Who dares disturb my slumber?” Bellowed a deep, yet familiar voice.
“You can lay off the act, it's just us!” Babs Seed shouted.
Instantly the thumping footsteps stopped, and a second later a draconic head poked out from around the corner. “Oh hey it is you guys. Back for some more loving already? Or do you just want to help move the last of my horde?” Asked the dragon who stepped confidently out into the afternoon light.
“Neither, actually.” Button Mash began.
The dragon raised an eyebrow. “Wait, what's with these two?”
Babs Seed chuckled. “We ran here.”
“Ahhh.” Scorch absently scratched his belly. “So uh, what is this about anyway?”
“We might have found some changelings infesting the local village and we need your help to get rid of them.” Babs Seed explained.
“Why do you think that?” Questioned the dragon.
“Because we saw one leaving town yesterday.” Babs Seed answered.
“So? Doesn't that mean they are gone then?” Scorch inquired.
“Where there is one. There is always more.” Button Mash interrupted.
“I’m not exactly the cloak and dagger type, but if you need help busting down any doors then I’m your dragon.” Scorch declared with a proud grin.
“Good, because something tells me we are going to need your help breaking a few heads.” Babs Seed announced.
“So, what's the pay then? Two, maybe three hundred gold?” Scorch asked.
“Pay? Were not getting paid.” Flurry Heart replied in disgust.
“Okay cool, then I want a bigger chunk of the loot.” Scorch declared.
“But we don't know if there is any loot.” Button Mash corrected.
The dragon rolled his eyes. “Where there are bad guys, there is always loot. Its like this is your guys’ first adventure or something.”
“Well in a way it is.” Flurry Heart muttered.
The dragon sighed and planted his forehead into the palm of his hand. “At least tell me you have a plan.”
“We don't, but our friend does.” Button Mash replied.
“Great. Promise to give me a bigger cut of the loot and you got yourself a deal.” Scorch continued.
“You can have my share. I don't need any reward. Getting the chance to punch Chrysalis in her big ugly face is enough for me.” Button Mash announced.
“Awesome. Now then, where do we start?” Scorch asked.
“All the way back in town.” Flurry Heart grumpily muttered.
“That's not far at all. Wait, why don't you just fly there?” Scorch asked.
Flurry Heart opened her mouth to say something, only to face hoof. “I’m an idiot.”
Button Mash landed and promptly fell to the ground, kissing the earth like he had just spent a month at sea. “Oh sweet ground. I’ll never leave you again.” He muttered before kissing the ground several more times.
“I didn't think my flying was that bad.” Muttered Scorch, who landed next to the cleric.
“He's just not a fan of flying.” Remarked Babs Seed who was promptly dropped by Flurry Heart. “Hey watch it. That was pretty high.”
A second later and Flurry Heart fell out of the sky as well, landing face first into the ground, already wheezing. “Why. Did I. Have. To. Carry. The. Heavy. One?” Flurry Heart asked, though her words were garbled as she was still face down on the dirt.
“You gotta build those wing muscles somehow. Now come on, we got a ways yet to go Sweet Cheeks.” Scorch announced before roughly hefting the alicorn to her shaky hooves.
Babs Seed used a hoof to keep the alicorn steady as she reset her disguise and gathered her bearings. “Are you ready?” She asked.
Flurry Heart grimaced. “As I’ll ever be.”
Button Mash wiped the dirt from his lips. “Yeah me too.”
“Then it seems as I’ve picked a good time to arrive.” Zecora declared as she stepped out of the woods.
“What the hell?” Shouted Scorch, who had already balled his fists and was ready to strike. “Who the heck is that?”
“This is Zecora. The zebra we were telling you about, remember?” Flurry Heart pressed.
The dragon relaxed slightly, though kept his fists raised. “Does she always do that?”
“Yeah pretty much.” Muttered Babs Seed.
“It seems as though you are all to go. Which is good as the plan I now know.” Zecora announced before motioning for the other four beings to come closer.
Which they all did, prompting Zecora to begin whispering her plan to the companions, explaining in detail exactly what they would need to do. After everything was explained, she took a step back and eyed the small group, as if judging their worth.
“Now that you know what to do. The plan we will run through.” Zecora remarked, before turning to Flurry Heart and Scorch expectantly.
“I’ll change to my pegasus disguise and join Scorch as we look for the location of a potential hive and any suspicious looking people.” Flurry Heart announced.
Scorch crossed his arms over his chest and blew a smoke ring. “I still don't understand why we can't just attack the second we find out where it is. We’d have the element of surprise on our side if we did!”
“Because we don't know how many of them there are.” Button Mash pointed out. “There might be a thousand of them for all we know.”
“I doubt there would be that many. My guess is around at least twenty.” Zecora remarked.
“See? Between me and Sweet Cheeks here we could totally take them.” Scorch continued.
“Just follow the plan, please.” Button Mash said with a sigh. “If I get in trouble and can't flag you down for help, then I am going to be really mad.”
“Don't worry, I’ll keep Scorch on a short leash.” Flurry Heart announced with a wry grin.
The dragon blushed, and did his best to cover it with a cough, which did not help at all.
Zecora cleared her throat, and looked to Button Mash expectantly.
“Oh right. I’ll be looking for suspicious zebras, as it's likely that they have already changed disguises by now.” Button Mash explained.
“And I’ll be playing guard for the hideout in the woods. Just in case some changeling wanders in on our super secret base which is not Zecora’s hut for some reason.” Babs Seed muttered bitterly.
“You know why we won't dare to go there.” Zecora pointed out.
“Yeah yeah. If they are disguising as you then chances are they are going to try taking you out.” Babs Seed sighed and kicked the dirt. “I’m just not looking forward to hanging out in some dumpy shack without running water while they get to do the cool stuff.”
“Well set aside any silly notions. I need your help with the potions.” Zecora reminded.
Babs Seed merely grunted in disgust.
“Does everyone remember the callsigns?” Flurry Heart asked before being met by a chorus of affirmations. “Good.”
“Are you ready to save the town from that no good clown?” Zecora shouted.
“Hell yeah!”
“We got this!”
“She’s going down!”
“I hope they have gold.”
“Then let us do this thing, and clear out this evil ring!” Zecora declared, the zebra raising her hoof triumphantly, prompting her companions to do the same.
Author's Note
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