Author's Note

Yay! The second chapter since the author's block for this story has ended!

Sit back, relax, and take everything with an entire bottle of salt so that you can enjoy the jokes and innuendos.

Shoutout to Hanzal/Mint for allowing me to use Candy.

Now Lean Back For Examination

Chapter 6:

“So… what are we going to be doing anyway?” Midnight Blitzer asked as they entered the room. Inside was all sorts of medical machinery, from X-Rays to the fabled Magic Scanner. Everything was clean and organized, and upon seeing a white unicorn with a pink and white striped mane inside the room, the young blue pegasi presumed that she was the one who was responsible for helping around.

Health Check, processing what the young lieutenant had just said, turned around and looked at him in confusion.

“Uhm… you do know why you’re right?” The white red-mane pegasi asked while looking at Moonlight who shrugged. Health Check only became more surprised when Midnight shook his head. “Well… That’s… Hmm… Candy! Bring me all the devices in the… left corner alright?” Health Check ordered, prompting the white unicorn within the room to walk towards the left side of the room before glancing at Health Check.

“The one labeled ‘XXX’?” The white unicorn asked, having read the inscription. Moonlight couldn’t help but snicker as Health Check simply deadpanned before face hoofing.

“I swear ponies these days… Uhm yeah! That one! Bring me everything! We have a patient with very interesting properties that need to be checked.” Health Check replied, still annoyed by whoever could’ve written such a category. Candy nodded enthusiastically before she began the process to bring everything that was going to be needed for Midnight’s check-up. The blue pegasi stared at the curvy unicorn with confusion.

“So… who is she?” Midnight asked as turned around to face Health Check. The young mare smiled as Candy placed down a device on a nearby table and saw the unicorn plugging it in an outlet.

“Oh. Candy is a nurse in training, well… sort of. She was supposed to be a full-fledged nurse already, but due to NNN her graduation ceremony was postponed till December, if not January” Health Check replied, smiling proudly at the mare, before tilting her head at the blue pegasi. “You do know what NNN is right?”

“Nope.” Midnight replied, only for the machine that Candy had placed to release a loud sound. The three looked to see that it was flickering a green light, which caused Health Check to groan. “Is that a True/False Machine?” The blue pegasi asked, to which the white pegasi nodded with a sad smile.

“Yes it is, and unfortunately for me, my work with you just doubled. I honestly thought that you were lying or had a faint memory I could use to quicken things up, but you really are clueless.” The nurse stated before scratching her mane, trying to think of questions that could help speed things up. “Hmm… does the word… ‘cum’ mean anything to you?” Health Check asked with a hopeful expression, before immediately frowning when the blue pegasi shook his head.

“Nope.”

The device flickered green again, which caused the mare to think again.

“Have you heard it being mentioned before?” The mare asked with another hopeful expression. Given how well-known NNN is, surely he should’ve heard it at least once on a pass by.

“If I did then I can’t remember!”

The two mares deadpanned when they saw the machine flicker green again, even though both of them knew that not hearing the word was downright impossible. Does his mind just simply filter out these things from his memory?

“Uhm… Have you viewed your mare friend, or any other mare in general, with a lustful, intoxicating, or fuzzy feeling?” The white pegasi asked again. Midnight simply shrugged.

“I have no idea what the first two mean, and I never checked for the third.”

Moonlight simply deadpanned upon hearing Midnight state this, while Health Check was still confused as to nothing triggered anything within the blue pegasi. Meanwhile, Candy had hauled over another device so when the True/False Q&A was finished, they could jump into another category.

The young nurse, confused and not knowing how to deal with this situation, tried another angle.

“Are you… into stallions?” Health Check asked, causing Moonlight to blink in surprise. Perhaps that was the reason he wasn’t into her or any other mare? Maybe the only thing that could click something in his mind was that he was-

“I’m confused.”

Moonlight let out a sigh of relief as she heard Midnight state this, but was still disappointed with Midnight's extreme innocence. Just how innocent was this colt? Well, at least if they’re able to fix Midnight, Moonlight will be able to take him and not some random stallion.

“Are you asexual?” The nurse asked, becoming more and more desperate by each passing second.

“I honestly don’t know half of what you’re saying.” Midnight stated as the machine flickered green again, prompting Health Check to face hoof as another easy exit was yeeted out of the window. For a moment she seriously had hoped that this was just all an issue of a self-induced innocence because he was asexual, but apparently, he’s just simply extremely innocent.

“Well, I’m just going to put you as innocently asexual for now…” The nurse muttered, before getting another thought, one that should help. “Oh! I know an easy one! Have your parents ever told you of ‘the birds and the bees’? Perhaps you or a sibling asked your parents about ‘where do foals come from’ and your parents, trying to preserve your innocence, told you that you came from a baby factory or a stork or something like that. So, did they tell you?” Red Nurse asked, who along with Moonlight looked attentively at the machine.

“Nope.”

The two mares looked at the machine carefully, which for some strange reason, hadn’t given a response yet. Tension, anxiety, and desperation grew as the machine remained unresponsive, and they were wondering why this was happening when Moonlight suddenly noticed that it was unplugged. Health Check soon realized this too and the two mares stared at Candy who was plugging in the Magic Scanner, having unplugged the True/False Machine to make room for it. The white unicorn simply blinked before sheepishly laughing.

“I guess you three weren’t finished yet?” Candy nervously asked as Health Check simply face hooved for the hundredth time in a row. “Y-Yeah I’ll go ahead and reconnect it.” The white unicorn said, embarrassed, before unplugging the Magic Scanner and replugging the True/False Machine. To Moonlight and Health Check’s utter disappointment, the machine lit up with a green light.

“H-H-HOW!?” Health Check yelled before she began to bang her head against the table. “All parents are supposed to teach this to their kids the moment they go through puberty, and at the very latest, the moment they become thirteen! Where were your parents then!?” The white pegasi screamed in desperation, trying to make sense of what was going on. Midnight however stepped back a bit, something that both Moonlight and Health Check noticed.

“I… Well… Uhm…”

“So do you want to start the Magic Scanner now Health Check?” Candy asked, having unplugged the Truth/False Machine and reinserting the other device’s power cord. Health Check looked back at Midnight, whose facial expression was now neutral, and sighed.

“I guess so.” Health Check answered before she felt the purple thestral pulling to the side a bit before leaning and whispering into her ear.

“You felt it as well, right?” Moonlight asked with a hint of concern. The white pegasi nodded.

“Yes. But let us not pry into this right now. Let’s first help your friend know what NNN is.” Health Check stated, using a calm and soothing voice to lower the stress within the purple thestral. The white pegasi soon turned to face Midnight again with a soft smile.

“Well, I think it’s time for me to use the Magic Scanner on you. Please stand up and stay still as I use this to examine your body.” Health Check commanded. The young blue pegasi complied as he stood up and allowed the Health Check to prime the machine, with Candy assisting her. While it looked like a regular X-Ray scanner, the device looked far more sophisticated. The machine shot a wave of energy at Midnight as it began to examine him from head to hoof.

“Please note that this will take some time to process, but we’ll give you an answer within fifteen minutes I can say.” The white pegasi said to Moonlight and Midnight as the machine continued to receive data from him. “So, you said that your colt friend is clueless about NNN right? Do you want me to teach him?” The nurse asked the purple thestral, causing her to smile.

“Yes! Thank you!” Moonlight said excitedly, which made the nurse smile for a bit.

“Alright. Just tell me how hard it will be from 1 to 10. 1 means a foal who just was unlucky to not have learned what NNN meant and 10 being that if I tried to forcefully teach him it would result in me losing some brain cells.” The nurse asked, causing Moonlight to let out a nervous laugh.

“You’ll figure it out I guess.” The purple thestral replied, causing the nurse to deadpan before she let out a forced laugh.

“Then 11 it is.” The nurse sighed before turning to Midnight who had just finished being examined by the Magic Scanner which now began to process all the data it received. “So, tell me, what do you see in these two pictures?" Heart Check asked, holding up two pictures that caused Moonlight to blush. However, Midnight remained confused.

"Uhm… a lip and a stick?" The young blue pegasus replied in confusion.

"And this?" The mare asked, pulling out another picture.

"A lip."

"And this?"

"A lip a lip a lip lip lip a-"

"Alright! You don't have to go ahead and sing it!" The white pegasus yelled after showing Midnight various pictures, only to be surprised when the colt continued to show no reaction. Feeling a light tap on her shoulder, the mare smiled when Candy handed her a piece of paper with all the data having been processed. "Alright! The answer to all of our problems, at least I hope so." Heart Check stated as she began to read to herself. The two soldiers looked in confusion as the nurse’s expression constantly shifted, from worry to shock to… embarrassment?

"What happened Heart Check?" Moonlight asked, walking over to the white pegasi who simply passed the paper to Moonlight who began to read and show similar reactions. "Oh my." A blush began to form on her cheek.

“Take into account that this is based on what the Magic Scanner is predicting, and even so it’s relatively new and possible for malfunctions, but even so, if what this says is true… but it still doesn’t explain it though… how come he’s still innocent?” Health Check said out loud as she grabbed the paper back and began to skim over the mental development area. “Like he’s all young and healthy, and it’s not like part of him hasn’t fully matured.” The nurse stated before scrolling down the data. “Wait, how come I’m picking up signals of various sleeping compounds?” The white pegasi asked, causing Moonlight to nervously laugh.

“Y-Yeah I might’ve accidentally done that when I tickled him with my wings.” Moonlight stated, causing the mare to deadpan before suddenly realizing something.

“You’re a Lunar Guard right?” Health Check asked, causing Moonlight to smile.

“You bet I am! You’re facing one of the best night guards under Princess Luna’s command, and damn right I’m proud to be in it!” The thestral exclaimed, standing up and doing a proud salute. “Since the Changeling Invasion, Luna had gathered various guards and turned them into some of the best fighting forces yet. I and the rest of my corp are specialized in counterintelligence, night raiding, asymmetrical fighting, interrogation-”

“Wait wait wait, say that again?” Health Check asked, noticing Midnight fidgeting a bit upon the mention of ‘Changeling Invasion’. Moonlight simply smiled as she began to repeat what she had said.

“I and the rest of the Lunar Guards received specialized-”

“Yes! That word! Midnight! You, along with Moonlight, are some of the highest-ranking guards for your age. What did you specialize in?” The white pegasi asked, feeling that she figured out the case. Midnight looked side to side before shrugging.

“I, like Moonlight, am specialized in all sorts of areas, but since I became a Royal Guard, the first thing I tackled was my ability to become neutral towards everything and become as efficient as a guard as I can by not being distracted by anything. If I had been captured, I bet you every single changeling’s first would’ve broken before I did.” Midnight replied proudly, before becoming surprised when Health Check began to celebrate.

“Yes! Moonlight, I finally figured it out!” The white pegasi yelled, causing Moonlight to become confused.

“Wait what? What do you mean?” Moonlight asked in confusion, not being able to connect the dots, and any ideas she made ended up not making any sense. Health Check simply lifted the paper.

“The scanner still is telling me that the sleeping compounds inside Midnight are still inside of him, which is why I was able to detect them in the first place. The only conclusion I can think of as to why Midnight isn’t in a coma right now is because his body is currently suppressing them! And since the first thing he specialized in was to become resistant to everything, then that means when he first began to develop BBS, or Blue Balled Symptom, his body immediately began to suppress his testosterone, or at the very least diverted them to other areas like muscle growth, which would’ve helped him tremendously when he moved onto other areas of training.” The white pegasi exclaimed. “Now all I have to do is figure out how to undo the block he created onto himself and he’ll be able to finally live a normal life!” The nurse exclaimed, before remembering something. “Unfortunately I don’t know if it’ll be safe to liberate him, given what you and I both saw.” The mare said, lowering her head while sighing, along with Moonlight who finally understood what she was trying to explain.

“Yeah… pity… But maybe we could try? Perhaps we just need to partially undo what Midnight did to himself and he’ll be able to use his other abilities to live an actual normal life? Like before Discord placed the curse onto Equestria?” Moonlight theorized. “Wait. Why don’t we ask Discord for another time? I’m sure he’ll be interested in seeing a stallion like Midnight somehow being immune to NNN.” Moonlight stated, to which Health Check nodded.

“That sounds plausible. Given that the military is currently a train wreck, I don’t think anybody would mind your absence.” The white pegasi said as she and Candy began to pack things away. “If you two decide to go on that journey, then I wish you two good luck.” Health Check said, causing Midnight to blink.

“Wait. What about my training plan for Gallus! Shining Armor is bound to force me to train Gallus the proper way because there’s no way to keep things organized for whatever reason this month. I planned to make Gallus into a great guard so that I can spread my methods of teaching!” Midnight exclaimed, pouting a bit.

“Oh, Midnight. We could always do that later. Tell you what, once we go ahead and find Discord, you can train with Gallus for the rest of the month and prove to Shining that your training methods work alright?” Moonlight responded, ruffling Midnight’s mane. The young blue pegasi sighed.

“Alright. Then I guess we go tomorrow?” The young blue pegasi asked. The thestral nodded.

“Yes, tomorrow. Bye Health Check and Candy! Thank you for your health!” The thestral yelled, causing Candy to giggle while Health Check deadpanned.

“Yes… health… somehow not ‘help’. See you later, and tell me how things go with Midnight alright?” The white pegasi mare said as Moonlight and Midnight stepped outside of the room. But while Midnight started to ramble on how everything made him confused and that he still wanted to train Gallus now, all that Moonlight could think was this:

“Damn. Who knew an innocent colt like him could be that big.”