How to Break and Enter

Chapters

Part One
Part Two
Part Three

Part One

It isn’t often a pair of stallions can take on the one and only Rainbow Dash, especially when she’s sober, but tonight she’s met her matches. In her defense, though, they are trained guards in Twilight’s Castle Guard, on patrol for bad guys trying to sneak in and harm Twilight. Normally this might earn them some grudging respect, but their blatant intimidation—and the heavy manacle around her neck—are inexcusable, not to mention insulting and demeaning.

Now, Rainbow Dash, the Bearer of one of the Elements of Harmony, a lead Wonderbolt, and a Celestiadamned Equestrian Knight finds herself waiting in the castle’s entry hall, leashed like a violent animal between those same two guards, tapping her hoof and growing less and less patient. This is so stupid. She could have handled things and gone home by now.

“You meatheads are in for it this time. When Twilight gets here she’s going to tear you each a new asshole.” She glares up at the one holding her manacle, an Earth Pony stallion who is pretending to ignore her. “And that’s not even getting to what I’m going to do the moment this thing’s off my neck. Hey! Are you even listening?”

No response.

“Fuck you,” she spits at Meathead #1. She’ll show them a violent animal.

“Rainbow Dash?” a voice calls out.

Finally! Dash perks up, trying to look less pathetic.

The sound of galloping on the marble floor precedes Twilight. She rushes through an open door and into the hall, with a pair of guards keeping pace behind her. She’s wearing a flimsy green nightgown and it looks like she’s just gotten out of bed. She skids to a stop in front of Dash, panting and sweating—amazing Princess body or otherwise, Twilight really needs to work on her cardio—and cries, “What is going on?”

Dash and Meathead #1 start talking over each other.

“Your Highness—”

“Twilight! This piece of shit—”

“—the suspect—”

“That’s Sir Rainbow Dash, thank you!”

“—was caught attempting to break in—”

“Sneaking in, you meathead!”

“—to the second floor hall—”

“I was looking for your bedroom—”

“—and was apprehended.”

“Well, not your bedroom, necessarily. I mean, I’m no pervert, obviously.”

Twilight and her two guards look at her.

“What? I have a perfectly good reason for being here,” Dash insists, puffing her chest in defiance.

“Which is?” Twilight pants.

“Uhh . . . ” Dash balks.

When Dash isn’t immediately forthcoming, Twilight focuses on Meathead #1 instead. She stomps forward, putting her face in his, and says, “Guard. You managed to arrest the Bearer of one of the Elements of Harmony, a lead Wonderbolt, an Equestrian Knight, and one of my best friends at the same time?”

“Yes, Your Highness,” Meathead #1 says, looking faintly proud of himself.

The other meathead, the Pegasus guard who brought down Rainbow Dash, says, “Your Highness, it could just as easily have been an assassin.”

“An assassin?” Twilight gawps at Meathead #2. “You’re telling me you two can’t even tell the difference between one of the most decorated ponies in Equestria and a thug? How difficult is your job? Rainbow Dash can’t be an assassin!”

“I could totally be an assassin,” Dash says without thinking, then, “I mean, I’m not, but like I totally could be.”

“Your Highness,” he says, standing proud under the weight of his Princess’s anger, “the suspect was caught attempting to break and enter at one in the morning.”

“But—”

“While trying to evade detection.”

Evading detection sounds so much lamer than sneaking in. So much less fun. Of course a pony could get in trouble for that.

“Break and—” Twilight plants her hoof in her face and her face in her hoof. “Da-a-ash,” she groans after a few seconds. “I have a front door!”

“Uh, yeah, I thought about that, but there were these other guards watching the door, and, uh—” Dash pauses, eyeing the pair of guards Twilight brought with her, then the guards holding her captive, and then finally the guards at the front door behind her. “How many guards do you have?”

Twilight peeks out from behind her hoof and gives a sympathetic smile. “Too many.” She looks at Meathead #2, the one holding the chain connected to the manacle around Dash’s neck, and says, “Release her.”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

Meathead #2 extracts a small key from his armor and quickly removes the metal collar. The moment the weight is removed Dash leaps into the air and groans. “Finally. That thing hurts!” she snarls, pointing a hoof at him.

No response.

“Hey! Look at me when I—”

Twilight holds up a hoof in Dash’s direction, urging her to be quiet, and says to her guards, “Dismissed.”

The two Pegasi turn to resume their shift outside, while Twilight’s other guards head back into the castle. Dash lands beside Twilight and tries to settle.

“Tch. You’re too nice to them,” Dash says, watching their extremely fit hindquarters leave. Personalities aside, Twilight has outstanding taste in guards.

“You just have to speak their language,” Twilight mutters, watching them too.

Being a Princess definitely agrees with Twilight. Librarian Twilight would’ve insisted on hiring noble, decent, articulate guards, probably for helping with homework rather than doing actual work. Princess Twilight seems content with physically attractive meatheads. If Rainbow didn’t know Twilight better, she’d swear up and down that Twilight was fucking one of them.

Dash gulps. There’s an image. Twilight—kind, friendly, nerdy Twilight—taking advantage of one of her guards? Dominating one of them? She can’t really picture it, but oh, yeah, she can really picture it.

Twilight sighs then turns back to Rainbow. “They’ve been here long enough that Celestia’s mother!” she screeches. “What happened to you? Did they hurt you?”

“Huh?”

Twilight is gawking at her. Dash looks down at her chest, then each of her forelegs. “Oh, right.” Twilight is probably talking about the scrapes and bruises, the dirt and blood. Is she only just noticing? “I took a two story tumble.” When that doesn’t seem to explain things she continues, “Well I didn’t just come nicely.” She punches the air then strikes a pose. “I gave better than I got, I can promise you that. If they hadn’t been wearing all that armor—”

“Are you okay?” Twilight asks. “Any broken bones, or—”

“It’s fine,” she says, waving a hoof. “I can tell you from personal experience that two stallions aren’t a match for Rainbow Dash.” She waggles her eyebrows, hoping Twilight gets the hint.

Twilight shakes her head. “Pegasi really can take a beating, huh?”

Dash shrugs. “I fall out of the sky for a living.”

“ . . . Let’s get you cleaned up.”

“Ow,” Dash grunts. She’s lying on her side in Twilight’s ensuite bathroom, under Twilight’s harsh scrutiny, being subjected to all sorts of physical tortures. “Ow.”

“Quit being such a baby,” Twilight mutters, concentrating. Her horn glowing, she focuses on Dash’s next scrape, a long red line down her shoulder, and pours a level measured spoon of some sand-like powder onto the wound. It burns and stings, especially as Twilight prods the little pile with a stick to spread it around.

“Does it hurt much?” Twilight asks. She shifts around, leaning on Dash to get a better view, and measures another spoonful.

Dash grunts. “No, of course noOOOH! Damn it, Twilight!”

“Shush,” Twilight soothes, poking at the burning sand. Dash can actually hear it crackle and sizzle as it works. “Stay still.”

“You’re enjoying this!” Dash says.

“Shush.” Twilight might claim she’s all business, but Dash still catches a teasing smile breaking through her poker face. It reminds her of after her first aborted flights, when her parents had to carry her back home and clean her up so she could try again. Her mom and dad would tease her then, too.

Dash huffs, winces through a surprisingly painful singe, and watches Twilight work. The nightgown she’s wearing says she should be tired, ready for bed, or relaxing after a long day of whatever Princesses do, but the focus on her face and the precision of her magic say she’s wide awake, and the contrast is interesting. Like a mare wearing a wedding gown to a greasy factory job. Actually . . . She glances to make sure Twilight isn’t watching, then slides her gaze down Her Royal Highness’s body. Twilight’s nightgown is—well, it’s sexy. The fabric is see-through, slightly, and outlines her body with silhouettes and shadows. Since when does Twilight wear sexy clothes? Is this a Princess thing? What else does she own?

“Well? How do I look?”

Dash jerks back, looks up. “Huh?”

Twilight glances up from Dash’s shoulder. “I said, how does it look?” She points at Dash’s ex-injuries.

Dash stands and looks at her forelegs. Except for some flecks of sand—“Not bad.”

“Thanks. And, next time you get in trouble with my guards—don’t. I don’t want you getting hurt.”

“It’s fine, mom,” Dash teases.

“I’ve met your mom. She’s a wonderful mare. You should visit her more often.”

Twilight takes a cool damp cloth and wipes the rest of the sand away, humming absently. Then she tosses the cloth into the bathroom, drops her sexy nightgown in the hamper, and leads Dash back into her bedroom.

Dash expects Twilight to start that boring smalltalk that leads to saying goodbye, but instead Twilight merely sits on her bed and stares at Dash. Dash can practically hear the frantic questions that have to be bouncing in Twilight’s head. The accusations. Psh. Whatever. Dash isn’t ashamed of what she did. Breaking in—sneaking in!—is totally par for the course with Rainbow Dash. It’s not like anypony got hurt. And besides. Twilight won’t mind. She’s cool.

Normally. It is late. Maybe she woke Twilight up? Not likely. Twilight’s a night owl, just like Dash. And she did say she wasn’t asleep.

Right?

She looks at Twilight. Twilight’s still just staring at her. The accusatory voice in Dash’s head grows louder. She gulps. Okay. So maybe she screwed up a little. It wouldn’t be the first time. Dash will just do something nice and make it up to her, like always.

Right?

“Okay, Twilight—”

Twilight purses her lips.

“Look. I’m sorry, Twilight. I can explain—”

“Damnit, Rainbow Dash!” Twilight growls.

Uh-oh.

“As a Princess, I cannot let you go around breaking and entering. You’re one of my best friends but this has gone too far. You’re a public figure! Your image matters! Dash, I’m—” she gulps, her lip quivering. “—I’m going to have to—”

It occurs to Dash that if she were to push things too far, it would probably be without noticing, like now.

Twilight grimaces and looks away and sputters, “ . . . d—dungeon—”

She snorts, and the two of them burst out laughing. Relief floods Dash and she wonders why she was even worried. Librarian Twilight may once have insisted on sticking to the rules out of some misplaced obligation. Princess Twilight is cool.

“I’m sorry they treated you that way. They’re just doing their job.”

“Yeah, well. They could be a little nicer.”

Twilight sighs, flops back onto her bed. “Yes. I keep telling them that. But still. You knew I have guards.”

“I guess.”

“And you’re smart enough to figure they’d be more alert and defensive at night than during the day.”

Dash bounces her head side to side, a gesture of concession. “Yeah . . . I guess.”

Twilight scooches up her bed until she can sit back against her many pillows. “I’ll talk to my Guard-captain tomorrow. But you shouldn’t try breaking in again.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Twilight taps the bed beside her.

Dash hops on the bed and crawls up beside her, sitting with a gap between them.

Twilight smiles. “So? Are you going to tell me why you decided to invade my sovereign airspace? Why you felt you had to hide from my guards? Why you were breaking and entering?”

“Sneaking in—”

“Dash.”

“I don’t wanna talk about it.”

Twilight cocks an eyebrow. “You mean you weren’t here just to see me?” she asks with a sly grin. She slides over, closing the rest of the gap, and leans against Dash. “I can assure you my guards are discreet when it comes to my nighttime visitors. So long as they use the front door, of course.”

“Well—”

And this is another change. Unicorn Twilight wouldn’t think of flirting, even as a joke, and she’d melt of embarrassment if she tried. Alicorn Twilight doesn’t even notice.

“—I mean, I thought you’d be asleep. Oh. I didn’t wake you up, did I?”

Twilight waves a hoof to the side, dismissing the thought. “You didn’t wake me up.”

“It’s after midnight!”

Twilight turns to face her and levels a stare. “Yes. It is. Which brings me back to why you were sneaking in. After midnight. Trying to avoid my Castle Guard.”

“It’s just—”

“When you thought I’d be asleep.” Twilight’s stare is unwavering. Intimidating.

Dash gulps. “Well . . . ”

“Dash, if this is some sort of prank, I swear—”

“It’s not!” Dash exclaims.

“But you won’t tell me what it is.”

Dash opens her mouth, but can’t quite find the words to explain without accusing Twilight of being a really horrible pony, and so closes it again.

Twilight’s scowl loses some of its edge. She leans forward and touches Dash’s forehoof. Asks, “Dash, is everything alright?”

Dash looks at her hoof, gulps, but doesn’t pull back. This isn’t like her. Rainbow Dash doesn’t let anypony or anything get the better of her. “Ha ha, of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” she stammers.

Celestia, what’s wrong with her today?

“Well, for one thing—”

“Oh! How’s, uh, how’s your stallion—what’s his name? Spring something?”

If Twilight’s annoyed by the interruption, she doesn’t show it. Instead she leans back, flops into her pillows, and sighs. “Spirit. He’s well.”

“That’s—that’s great. He sounds really . . . great.” She casts about for more distraction. “Are you dating?”

Twilight shrugs. “It’s nothing serious.”

“Is he hot?”

Twilight smiles. “Well, he’s a very fit Pegasus, so . . . yes.”

“I noticed your guards are all very fit, too,” Dash says.

“Would you like me to introduce you to one of them? Or maybe one of the mares? They’re very fit as well.”

“What? No!” Dash exclaims. She does not need dating help from Twilight Sparkle. Even if her guards are hot.

“Are you sure? You’re well known down there, and I’m sure some of them must be quite pleasant to be around, when they’re not in uniform.”

“Yeah, right.”

Twilight props herself up and frowns. “Dash, I know those two were a little rough, but they were doing their job. Quite well, in fact. They managed to catch you.”

“So?”

“So—why are you so mad at my guards?” Twilight asks. “Did they do something to you?”

“Besides that stupid collar? No.”

“Did they hurt somepony?”

“No . . . ”

“Then—”

“Argh, they’ve been spreading rumors about you!”

Twilight pauses, and her eyes narrow. “What rumors?”

“They called you a whore!” Dash blurts out, then gasps and clamps a hoof over her mouth.

Twilight cocks an eyebrow. “Really.”

Dash nods. “They were saying all sorts of awful, sexual things about you.”

“Sexual things.”

Dash gulps, sure that now she’s gone too far.

Twilight exhales with a smile. “Well, that’s a relief. At least it’s nothing bad. Like, Twilight’s planning to overthrow Cloudsdale’s leadership. Which I totally am not planning to do. Or, the Princess has sent agents to Cloudsdale to gather class-one material on the Ambassadors. Which I totally have not done, by the way.” Twilight looks away and chuckles nervously. “Was that it?”

“Was that it?” Dash stares at her. “Okay, who are you, and what did you do with the real Twilight?”

Twilight rolls her eyes. “Do you want to hear about some of the other rumors I’ve heard?”

“Not really—”

Twilight holds up a hoof and starts reciting.

“Apparently, I give great head. I fucked the entire Cloudsdale delegation. I’m a whore—oh, you already heard that one.” She faces Dash. “I like it rough. I’m a free use slut, and I don’t say no. My guards mount me in the hall when I walk past.” Twilight shifts closer, and says with big eyes, “I let my brother and his wife molest me. I want to fuck my best friends. I’ll do anything for a perfect grade—actually, that one was back during school, when I was much, much younger and some of the teachers were known for trading grades for sex and for having a thing for young fillies. I’ve been sleeping with full-grown adults ever since I was a very young filly,” she says, breathing a little heavily, her face close to Dash’s. “According to rumors, of course.”

Dash gulps, and whispers, “You have? I mean—they say all that?”

Twilight nods seriously. “Oh, yes. The librarian, whenever I needed into the restricted section back at school. The nice old mare who fitted me for my regalia before my graduation, because she needed updated measurements, and the disgusting old stallion before he would sign my diploma, because there was some clerical error—I hate clerical errors. Um . . . Rarity. A fair few of the Apples at one of their family gatherings, up against the back of the barn for an hour or so, where anypony could have seen. One of the standard bearers, after my coronation. My guards, of course. A bunch of others I’m probably forgetting. Rarity again, I guess. Oh! And some of Sodapop’s staff swear up and down that I suck his cock in the back of his parlor to clear my tab, after he brings me drinks I don’t ask for to fill my tab, and that sometimes he even brings in his friends to help collect—”

“Twilight!” Dash exclaims.

Twilight blinks and sits back, tapping her hooves together. Apparently she’s only just realizing just how horrible some of this sounds, because she stammers, “N—nopony would ever believe any of that, right? And, besides, there are plenty of ponies who say nice things about me, too.”

Twilight looks away, rubbing the back of her neck.

Dash isn’t sure she’s even heard Twilight say the phrase “free use slut” before. Certainly never with such casual, disinterested ease. Does she even know what that means? Has Twilight even had sex yet?

Was she the kind of student who’d sleep with a teacher for a good grade?

Dash gulps, forcing back images of Princess Celestia spanking a yelping, blushing filly Twilight with a wooden ruler across what was probably a chubby little bottom, and stammers, “They—they weren’t just bragging. They were bragging loudly, in the middle of town, where anypony could have heard them. Literally today. They mentioned you by name. And they said—”

Fine. Just fine.

“They acted like they’d just both fucked you. Like a whore.” Dash sets her face as the same anger from before bubbles up—along with smug righteousness. I told you so. “They were so fucking rude. And ponies don’t get to say shit like that about my friends. No matter how you feel about it.”

A smile spreads across Twilight’s face. “Oh, Dash. Is that why you got into trouble with the guards? Were you trying to defend my honor? Were you trying to get caught?”

Dash exhales. Twilight’s smiling? “Well—yeah.”

“Well, don’t. I’m a big filly. I run my own kingdom and everything. And I don’t want you getting hurt on my account. It’s not sweet or heroic. It’s reckless. Next time you hear or see something about my guards that concerns you, just come and tell me. Okay? I can handle it. There’s no need to sneak around and get hurt.”

Dash can handle it, too. More than handle it. “You don’t get it, Twilight. How would—” She casts about for the right words. “How would you feel if somepony were saying those things about our friends—like Fluttershy, or Rarity? Or, I dunno—Princess Celestia?”

Twilight shakes her head. “No, I do get it. I’d probably be upset too. But Fluttershy isn’t a princess. And Rarity does get those rumors. She doesn’t pay them any mind. I know for a fact she starts her own rumors. And as for Celestia . . . ” Twilight tilts her head and gives a weak smile. “She’s really old. She’s probably done all those things already.” She puts a hoof on Dash’s shoulder. “And if one of them asked me to drop it, I would. If I was worried about you, for whatever reason, and you told me to drop it, I would.”

“Really?”

Twilight tilts her head, hmming. “Well, maybe not right away.” She smiles, looking into Dash’s eyes, then leans close and hugs Dash. “Thanks for caring about me. I mean it. Don’t take this the wrong way, but I think you’d make a fine Castle Guard.”

“Twilight! You’re being way too cool with this. They’re your guards. Do something!”

Twilight scowls and lets go. “It’s just sex. Even I’ve had sex, Dash. Same as anypony else.”

“It’s not just sex. It’s—” It’s filthy, depraved sex. It’s two-stallions-using-her-like-a-cumrag sex. It’s fucking-Twilight-in-public sex. It’s calling-her-names sex. It’s—

“It’s what?”

Dash sets her face. “You won’t do anything about it? Fine. I’ll go find those punks and teach them a lesson myself.” She slides off the bed and storms off for the door. “Get some more of that sand ready.”

“Dash!” Twilight says. “What are you doing? Where are you going?”

Dash growls, “I told you. I’m gonna shut them up for you. You want me to care about my public image? Well, I care about yours. Where do they sleep?”

“Please, just drop it, Dash!”

“No! You are too nice, too smart—”

“Rainbow Dash, I swear to Celestia—”

“—and too good to let them—”

The Royal Voice bowls her over:

“Alright!”

Dash stumbles, stunned. Slowly turns to face Twilight.

Twilight glares at her, standing on her bed, wings flared and hackles raised. Panting. Large, imposing silhouette. Angry Princess, surrounded by swirling sheets and pillows and cushions. Twilight opens her mouth to yell again—then slumps and looks at the floor for a few moments. “Okay. Fine. I get it. You’re right.”

Her little fluffy hurricane falls from the air.

She slides onto the floor and walks up to Dash, without looking her in the eyes. “You’re right,” she says again. “I’m too nice and smart and good to be their whore. And everyone would be so disappointed if I were.”

“Well . . . yeah.”

“It’s okay. I’ll . . . I’ll go talk to my Guard-captain. Right now, if that’ll make you happy. Stay put.”

Twilight leaves her room without a backwards glance, ears flat, practically dragging her hooves.

Silence settles around Dash. It’s late, and likely the only other ponies awake at this time are either standing very still, pretending to be statues, or flying around the castle, watching for ponies like Rainbow Dash who are up to no good.

Dash taps her hoof, wondering how long Twilight will be. Twilight left the door open. Anypony wandering through the hall will see Dash in Twilight’s room, standing alone in the Princess’s bedroom, in the middle of the night. Waiting awkwardly.

She climbs back up onto the bed and sighs. Why is she doing this? Sneaking into the palace because she doesn’t want to confront a few stupid guards? Getting into an argument with Twilight, because she’s uncomfortable being direct? She’s definitely hurt Twilight’s feelings, somehow. This is stupid. Dash ought to have grabbed one of those meatheads then and there and punched him. So what if they had outnumbered her? So what if she’d been surrounded by witnesses? She’s Rainbow Fucking Dash. Nopony says that about her friends.

Even if it were true, which it most certainly is not. Twilight doesn’t fuck her guards. She doesn’t casually blow somepony to get out of paying a couple bits. And she certainly doesn’t let her brother and sister-in-law fuck her. It’s outrageous. It’s obscene. It’s—

Dash exhales. It’s also really, really spicy. Shining Armor and Cadance are fine specimens. Dash wouldn’t be too upset if they wanted to molest her a little.

Motion in the doorway. Twilight is in her antechamber, outlined by the candle light from the hallway. For a second she just stands there, staring at Rainbow. For a Princess who’s quickly outgrowing her friends, she looks so tiny.

“Uh, Twilight? What’s wrong?”

Twilight slumps, then steps inside. Shuts the door behind her. “Oh, nothing’s wrong. I went and talked to my Guard-captain. Mantle’s a good pony. She’ll deal with this.” Twilight walks up to Dash and puts on a fake smile. “Alright?”

“Sure, I guess.” Dash isn’t exactly convinced that some Captain will be able to quash those nasty rumors, but maybe the worst offenders will get disciplined. “Yeah.”

She crawls up onto her bed and sits beside Dash. “Good. Now, please stop worrying about what ponies call me behind my back. It’s never bothered me before.”

Rainbow shakes her head. Maybe she hasn’t done a good job of explaining to Twilight just what these ponies were saying about her. It’s not just the words. If she really understood she’d be dismissing her entire company.

But what else can Dash do? She can’t well go around town yelling that Twilight isn’t a whore. She can’t remember which two guards they were. And Twilight will not appreciate Dash going around getting into fights, not after Twilight already conceded.

Dash doesn’t particularly enjoy feeling helpless.

Twilight looks over her shoulder at her door, deep in thought. Then she slaps her hoof into her other hoof and exclaims, “Oh, right! Dash. I was going to come find you tomorrow, but since you’re here, I want to ask a favor of you. You can decline, but you mustn’t tell anypony. It’s a secret for now.”

Dash shrugs. “Of course.”

“Have you seen the construction project Ponyville has just started, out past the Gorge?”

Dash perks up. She has. Outside of Ponyville, between the Gorge and the Everfree, a large plot of land has been cleared and flattened. Whenever she flies over she sees a dozen ponies carrying in construction supplies. It’s all very organized and busy. But she has no idea what they’re building. Nopony does—at least, nopony will admit to knowing anything about it. Except for Twilight, apparently.

“That’s you?”

Twilight nods. “Well, it’s Ponyville, technically.”

“So? What are you building?”

“Promise you won’t tell?” Twilight grins, and it looks a little menacing. “It’s a new Weather Factory.”

“No way!” Dash shouts, jumping into the air. “No fucking way!”

This night just keeps getting more and more unreal.

Twilight nods. “I’m tired of being pushed around, and I think Princess Celestia is expecting something like this from me. Something to show I’m taking my Princesshood seriously. Now, it’s small. We can’t afford anything nearly as big or powerful as Cloudsdale’s Rainbow Factory. But it’ll be enough to generate a seventy-thirty split over nearly four hundred square kilometers.”

But—that means every community within about eleven kilometers will be able to work with Ponyville instead of Cloudsdale! A dozen towns, hamlets, and villages could be free to run their own weather. Oh, wow. This is huge. Dash loves her home, but everypony knows its leadership is corrupt. And seventy-thirty is more than enough to save Applejack’s farm. This is huge!

“Twilight!” Dash exclaims, zooming up and getting right in Twilight’s face. “This is huge!”

“Yes, I know—”

“You won’t have to work with Cloudsdale anymore!”

“Dash—”

Dash grabs Twilight. “You need to get your guards out there. Cloudsdale could have spies or something. They cannot find out about this!”

“Dash!” Twilight laughs. “Yes, I know. I know! Calm down.” She pushes Dash back a bit. “It’s going to make a lot of ponies really happy, but there’s a lot of work ahead of us, and there aren’t many ponies in Ponyville with the skills needed to run the factory. Which brings me to the favor. The weather factory is small enough that it doesn’t need a whole city to support it, but it’ll still need Cloud sculptors to run it—as well as a lead.”

Dash gasps and plants her butt. She knows what comes next, but she doesn’t dare jinx it, and tries not to vibrate too hard in case even moving interrupts what’s about to happen. Tries to be cool.

“Dash, I know being a Wonderbolt keeps you busy—”

Fuck me!

“—but will you be willing—”

“Yes! Absolutely!” she blurts out, lunging for Twilight and grabbing her shoulders, watching her life change before her eyes. It’s not about being a Cloud Sculptor; nopony cares about Cloud Sculptors. But if Dash were to eventually become the newest Weather Marshal, she’d have to start as a lead.

Ponies have called Dash a hero before, but Weather Marshals are actual heroes.

“Yes I will!”

“Settle down. Just, hold on,” Twilight chuckles, then bites her lips. Grabs Dash’s forehooves and removes them from her shoulders. Looks away. “Look. There’s a young mare from Cloudsdale here—”

She’s interrupted by her bedroom doors opening.

Dash glances over her shoulder. A stallion appears, silhouetted from behind. Dash can’t quite make out the details—it’s quite dark—but from the bulk around his head and chest, it looks like it’s one of them. Twilight’s Castle Guards. And he doesn’t even knock. Tch.

Twilight inhales. Before Dash can yell at him Twilight touches her chin and turns her so they’re face to face. Puts on a sympathetic smile, but holds her chin so that Dash can’t look away. “Actually, before that, I have another favor. One you cannot say no to.”

Her horn ignites. Without breaking eye contact, she sizzles her magic over the surface of her nightstand, searching for something. She levitates over a silk green choker and clips it around her neck. Dash thinks she hears Twilight whimper.

“Uh, Twilight, don’t you lock your bedroom doors?” Dash asks, leaning back and eyeing the choker warily.

“Dash, whatever happens next, please just sit still and—”

“Your Highness,” the guard sings, damned near strutting into Twilight’s bedroom.

“Hey! Asshole!” Dash turns toward the guard. “Can’t you knock? We’re busy!”

“Dash!” Twilight hisses. “I’ll explain later. Just promise me you’ll behave. It’s important. No matter what!”

“But—”

Twilight pulls Dash back. She reaches for Dash’s forehooves and holds them tight, leans close. Eyes wide. Lips pressed shut. Ears flat. Damned near vibrating. Desperate. Vulnerable. Dash’s heart races. Something is wrong. She oughta say no, and put a stop to this. She oughta take Twilight somewhere safe. She oughta kick the guard out of the bedroom and ask Twilight what’s really going on. But Twilight is pleading with her. Asking for her help. How many times has Twilight helped Dash, no matter how outrageous the request?

“Dash, please do this for me.”

She can’t say no to Twilight. “I guess . . . ”

“Dash! Promise me!”

“I promise!” Dash relents, pulling back and crossing her forelegs. “I’ll behave, or whatever. But I don’t like it,” she mutters, totally not pouting.

“Thank you for trusting me, Rainbow,” Twilight whispers. She leans forward and kisses her. More than a peck, definitely a kiss, right on her lips, and enough to completely derail her.

Damn, she thinks, as her lips tingle.

Then, while Dash stares at the air where Twilight’s head was, the door to their room shuts and sizzles, leaving the three of them alone.

Part Two

“Good evening, Your Highness,” the guard says. He undoes the clasp to his helmet, removes it, and tosses it off to the side.

Dash instantly dislikes this one. She crosses her hooves and waits.

This new meathead shakes his mane loose and walks toward the bed. Unlike his fellow guards, this one has a casual posture about him, like he and Twilight are good friends.

Twilight gulps, then shuffles over, slides off the bed, and stands in front of him. She seems nervous, glancing back at Dash for a moment, but she closes her eyes and adopts what Rarity has taken to calling her Princessly Pose.

“Guard, this is Rainbow Dash.”

He faces Dash. With a stupid smirk and an obnoxious bow he introduces himself. “Good evening, Sir Rainbow Dash. I am Castle Guard Doublemint, and I am at your service.” This last bit Doublemint says looking up at her with a far-too-friendly gaze.

“Hi.” At least he knows her title.

“Hi.” Doublemint stands and gestures at the floor, towards the basement of the castle. “I know who you are, of course. You’re actually fairly well known around the barracks. Every time you come to visit the castle, some young Pegasus stallion will swoon and brag later about getting to see you walk past him. Even some of the mares, too. I’m very jealous. Nopony ever swoons over me.”

“Uh huh.”

“You ought to visit us downstairs sometime. I’m sure everypony would love to meet you. You’re practically a hero to some of us.”

He’s trying to sweet talk her, obviously, and to Dash’s displeasure it’s kinda working. “Uh huh.”

“Wonderful.” Doublemint switches that leering grin back at Twilight. “Your Highness. How may I serve you?”

Twilight licks her lips, planning something. “Well, Dash?” Twilight asks. “Is this one of them?”

“Huh? Oh.” Is that why he’s here? She looks at him. “I don’t think so.” Really, they all look the same, even with their helmets off: buff, strapping, well groomed, and full of themselves.

Twilight frowns. “Are you sure? Get a good look. Guard? Remove the rest of your armor.”

Doublemint smiles and nods. “Of course, Your Highness,” he says, and reaches around for the hidden straps in his armor. His chest piece slips free and thuds on the floor, rolling to a stop beside him, followed by the rest of it. He doesn’t move to clean it up or move it out of the way, either.

Twilight watches Doublemint turn and pose for them, then says, “Well, Rainbow? Make sure that this isn’t one of the ponies you accused of starting rumors.”

“Rumors?” Doublemint asks. “How terrible. What rumors?”

“Uh—”

Twilight leans over and says to Dash, “Go ahead. It wasn’t him, right? Maybe he can help. Tell him.”

Dash pauses. It’s one thing to call Twilight a whore. It’s another thing to call Twilight a whore in front of another pony. “Yeah, that’s not happening.”

“What’s the matter, Dash?” Twilight asks, tilting her head. Pretending she doesn’t know exactly what she’s asking Dash to do. But Dash can see Twilight’s nervousness transforming into anticipation before her eyes. Twilight’s playing some game with her. She’s teasing Dash. “Is he making you uncomfortable?”

Dash hops off the bed and turns for the door. “That’s it. I’m out of here. If you’re not gonna take this seriously—”

“Dash,” Twilight says quietly. “I’m trying to help.”

Dash glares at her, then faces the guard. What were those two saying? “A couple of your guardmates were talking shit about Twilight. They were lying about how they’d fucked her, and, uh—” Dash tries not to stammer. It’s really hard to say this in front of Twilight. Like talking about sex in front of her mother. “—arguing whether they liked her mouth or her pussy better. Actually, Twilight, they were arguing whether you looked better with a creampie or a facial—I mean, with cum in your pussy or on your face.”

“Uh, thanks, Dash.” Twilight levels a dry stare at her. “I got that.”

Doublemint, meanwhile, looks almost amused. “Is that so?” He turns to Twilight. “Your Highness, if I hear any of my guardmates telling lies about you I will put a stop to them.”

Dash is surprised. Maybe some of Twilight’s guards are decent, if not entirely respectful.

“Thank you, guard, but that’s not why I called you here. Dash—did they come to a conclusion? The rumour-spreading guards?”

“They, uh, said they liked seeing your face more.”

“Really?” Twilight asks. She looks confused. “I know mine’s not the biggest rump—” She turns so she’s facing away from Dash and her guard, and looks over her shoulder at her ass. “—but most of my male guards ejaculate in my vagina, not in my mouth or on my face.” She flicks her tail out of the way and shifts her weight, like she’s trying to get a better look for herself but really only showing off. “I thought they liked the view more. What do you think, Dash?”

“Uh—” Dash gawks at Twilight’s ass. Suddenly she’s having a hard time focusing. It’s not that Twilight’s is a spectacular ass—it is, obviously; royalty definitely agrees with Twilight, in or out of a nightgown—but rather, it’s how blatantly she’s showing off, with her tail hiked up and her legs spread just a little. It’s how little she cares that one of her guards sees her like this. She’s practically presenting to them both, just so she can get an honest, unfiltered opinion from some meathead whose opinion definitely doesn’t matter, and doesn’t realize just how this brute of a stallion would interpret her actions. “Yeah. Wait. Most of your guards what?”

Twilight ignores her. “And what about you, Guard?” She spreads her wings, keeping her tail flipped up. Exposing what Dash is coming to realize is an exceptional rear end. “What do you think?” she asks, looking over her shoulder while she poses.

Doublemint has a stupid grin on his face. He doesn’t mind staring, not one bit. “You have a lovely ass, Your Highness. I doubt any of my comrades would disagree. But I would need to study it further.”

He steps forward, uncomfortably close to Twilight.

Thankfully Twilight turns around before he can reach her. Dash exhales a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. Twilight looks really tiny in front of this thoroughbred. She watches Dash as she speaks. “Th—thank you. But that’s not my question. Mouth or cunt?”

Doublemint casually grabs her chin. “Both, obviously,” he murmurs, and kisses her.

“Hey!” Dash snaps. “Don’t touch her!”

Twilight tries to twist her head free, but he reaches up over her forehead and grabs her horn, holds her in place, and slides his nose through her mane.

Dash rushes up and tries to pull him back, then tries shouldering him out of the way. The stallion barely flinches. It’s like she’s fighting a tree. “Let go of her!”

“Dash,” Twilight gasps, blushing, when her mouth is free. “What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? What are you doing? Use your magic, already. Get him off!”

Doublemint chuckles, his mouth pressed up against her cheek. Dash can just see his tongue wiggling around on Twilight’s face, leaving a trail of saliva and cowlicked fur. He’s actually drooling on her. Dash winces when he licks over her eye and kisses her forehead. “Mmm. You taste good tonight. Sweaty. Were you and your friend fooling around before you came down to find me?”

“It’s not like that.”

“Oh?” Doublemint presses forward, shoving Twilight back. She butts up against the little bedside table, knocking a couple books and a framed photo off the edge onto the carpet. Another push and she’s sitting on the edge, almost wobbling the whole thing over, then leaning back. He steps his forehooves up on either side of her hips and presses his chest against hers, surrounding her, and keeps kissing her and licking her face. “I thought you fucked all your friends. Or is it just us?”

“Not—not all,” Twilight grunts. “Not her.”

“Hmm.” He glances back at Dash, unfazed by her glower. “I guess not. I think she wants to hurt me. Don’t let her, Your Highness. I’m so frail and vulnerable.”

“She—she won’t,” Twilight stammers, wide-eyed.

His cock presses up against her leg, slides up her thigh. “She looks pretty mad.”

“She promised.”

“Any second now—”

“Enough!” Dash roars. She stomps beside them and points a hoof at Twilight. “I don’t know what’s going on, and I don’t care. If you don’t stop this, I’m leaving.”

“But you promised.”

“Yeah, but—”

“But you promised.”

Dash clenches her jaw shut, trying to find some way out of this. “Fine. Make him leave.”

Twilight sets her face and shakes her head. “No, Dash. He’s not leaving. And neither are you. You’re going to sit still and watch.”

Dash looks back and forth between this offensive, hulking stallion and soft, kind, vulnerable Twilight. The lump deep in her stomach knows what’s going to happen, and part of her really wants to see it, but she’s not terribly good at listening. “Watch what?”

She spreads her legs slightly and says, without breaking eye contact, “He’s going to fuck me like a whore.”

Dash gasps.

Twilight barrels forward, not giving Dash time to recover. “He fucks me all the time. He and his friends. They’re rough. They like to rape me.” She looks at Doublemint and sneers. “And this one’s going to fuck me, and use me, and—”

“Stop it.”

“—and come all over me, while you sit still and watch and help us decide whether I look better with a creampie or a facial. Got it?”

“But—why?” Dash pleads, as Doublemint rubs a hoof between her thighs and licks her neck. She glances away, at the locked door, then the open window. Maybe she can go and get help.

“Because you promised. Because you’re aggressively loyal. Because—Ah!—your selflessness is getting you hurt. And because I need you to understand. The window’s unlocked. I’ll open the door if you insist. And you could probably fight my guard, and you might even win. But you’re not going to. Am I right?”

Dash hangs her head. It’s one thing for Twilight to think she knows what’s going on in Dash’s mind, but it’s another thing entirely when she’s right, and when she knows even more than Dash does. Betrayal feels shitty, like a kick to the gut, especially since Twilight is one of the few ponies that’s simply unable to betray Dash.

“Rainbow Dash.”

Dash sighs.

But before Dash can give in and say okay, Doublemint steps back and smacks his lips. “Actually, your Highness,” he begins, turning to climb atop her bed. He stomps his hooves over her bedsheet and flops back against her headboard in her mound of pillows. “I’m not going to fuck you.”

Twilight balks. “W—what are you talking about? Of course you, uh . . . ”

He sprawls out, in a mockery of Twilight’s earlier pose, and smiles at them both. His cock spears into the air, bobbing in front of his stomach. He grabs it and starts stroking himself, watching Twilight as he does. A couple drips of excitement slip from the head and slide down his shaft. It’s so—obscene. It’s not the first cock Dash has seen before, and she’s sure it’s not as big as she thinks, but seeing it displayed in front of her like this, and in front of Twilight, too—

“Don’t get me wrong. I’d love nothing more than to hold you down and make you squeal like a filly, especially without everypony else jockeying for position. I love watching you struggle. But I have no desire to get beaten up by my new friend here. I’d feel much safer if you got her permission. Besides, isn’t asking please in the syllabus for Friendship One-Oh-One?”

“Oh,” Twilight says. Glancing briefly at Dash, she slips off the little table, climbs onto the bed and stands between Doublemint’s legs. She stares almost cross-eyed at the towering slab in front of her face, then steps to the side and settles with her chest and forelegs atop his thigh. Facing Dash, with her guard’s cock bobbing between them, she asks, “Dash, will you watch me suck this stallion’s cock?”

Dash snarls and opens her mouth to give some snarking retort, some scathing, swearing insult—Dash can be mean to her friends, too, if she has to, and how fucking dare Twilight ask for permission after forcing her to sit still and watch anyways—but her mouth is so dry, suddenly. And she’s out of breath, which doesn’t make sense since—Oh, wait, yes. Her heart is racing. Now that she checks, Dash realizes she’s shaking. Of course she is. Twilight’s practically family—and she’s gonna suck her first cock right in front of Dash to win some stupid argument. Dash is the only pony that seems to get how unreal this is. Sweet fucking Celestia. She swallows and tries again to tell her off.

“Y—yeah. Whatever.”

Twilight holds Dash’s gaze for another moment, then focuses on the pillar of meat between them. She shoves her guard’s hoof out of the way and grabs his cock for herself, starts stroking it. The thing is huge, compared to her hoof. She can’t even wrap her hoof around it. But Doublemint doesn’t seem to mind. He grunts and shifts under her weight, getting comfortable and thrusting his cock through her slippery grip.

After a couple strokes she holds his cock still and leans close enough to kiss it. She slides her tongue and licks up the side, her purple blushing face obscured by his thick, mottled shaft. Soon the whole thing is slick and shiny with saliva and precum, still dripping from the top. She even ducks her head to nose at his sack, inhaling a long drag.

Fuck. Dash can practically smell it herself. His thick stallion scent. She tries not to whimper, and to keep standing. This doesn’t bother her. She’s not gonna freak out just because Twilight has her nose in his crotch like a mare in heat.

“Have you done this before, Dash?” Twilight asks suddenly, before licking a slimy trail from his balls to the head of his cock. “Given a blowjob?”

Dash splutters, “What? Of course! Who hasn’t?”

“Well, I haven’t—right?” Twilight answers absently, nuzzling the cock in front of her. Practically letting it drape over her face. A drip of precum stretches to her forehead, linking them together for a moment. “That’s what you’re thinking. I’m gonna suck my first cock. I’ve never tasted one. I don’t know if I’m any good. I probably can’t fit the whole thing in my mouth. There’s no way I’d like it. Why, I’m probably asexual, or something. But I’m gonna try, just for you, Dash. Are you paying attention?”

Dash can’t even look away, much less watch something else. “Y—yeah.”

Twilight looms over his lap, puckers her lips, and gives Doublemint’s cock a slow, luxurious kiss, like she’s making out with a lover, moving her head and slipping her tongue out and even drooling down his shaft. She pulls back and smacks her lips, then follows her drool down the side of his dick, making out with the whole length while she wiggles in place, silhouetted against the light from her windows.

For an amateur, Twilight knows how to put on a show. Warmth mixes with the dread already in her gut, like the heavy lump in her stomach is charged with lightning and ready to crackle. She tries not to squirm. She’s seriously pissed, and a little alarmed—and definitely turned on.

“Well, Dash? Am I doing it right?”

Dash nods slowly.

Twilight grins, then sets her face like she’s about to tackle some complex magic. A quick breath. She slides the tip into her mouth, humming gently, and starts blowing him properly. Dash hears the familiar slurping sound, but in Twilight’s muffled voice it sounds . . . perverted. His cock is so offensively male, while her face is adorably innocent, and with her lips stretched around him . . .

Doublemint reaches for Twilight’s head. Dash stiffens, but he simply slides his hoof through her mane and sighs. “If I find the misguided welp who thinks Her Highness is some mere whore,” he says, “you may rest assured, Sir Rainbow Dash, that I’ll make sure he is enlightened. Even if I have to bring him here myself.”

Dash can’t be bothered to snark, or respond at all, or even glare at him. Twilight’s cute little face bobs up and down, swallowing more and more of his cock with each dip. She doesn’t struggle or grimace or even wrinkle her nose in disgust, just calmly sucks this lucky stallion’s cock. Her lips leave a shiny layer of saliva each time she lifts her head. Every few moments she glances at Dash, and Dash finds herself looking away more often than not. Like she’s the one doing something embarrassing.

“It’s fucking amazing, isn’t it?” Doublemint says, a shimmer of sweat forming on his brow.

“Uh—” Dash stammers. It’s really, really hard to focus on him while Twilight’s doing what she’s doing. “Yeah.”

“I’m guessing you’ve never seen Her Highness give head before?”

Dash shakes her head. “Nuh uh,” she mutters, just over the slurping, sucking, spitting sounds coming from his lap.

“You’re missing out. She knows how to put on a show. I don’t know how long she’s been sucking stallions dry but she’s been doing it since before she was a Princess.”

Dash gulps. Somehow this guard doesn’t sound like he’s lying.

He sighs and shifts in place, settling in. “You know,” he says casually, “for such a popular, public figure, and a hero of Equestria—I expected you to be less of a loser.”

Dash’s jaw drops.

He shrugs.

Dash barks out a shocked laugh. “Hey, fuck you!” she says. The balls on this one. “I’m a little distracted, in case you didn’t notice.”

“Oh, I noticed.” He glances behind her, over her shoulder. “You’ve got a pretty impressive wingboner, and you’re gawking like an idiot. I’d have thought somepony like you would have no trouble with sex, but you’re really bothered, aren’t you?”

“Psh, whatever. I’m not bothered. It’s just . . . ”

“ . . . fucking amazing?”

“Yeah.”

He slides his hoof back through Twilight’s mane and strokes behind her ears. It’s almost sweet. Twilight slows her head, eyes flicking back and forth as they talk about her. “Something about her big, beautiful eyes, her cute little nose, the way she wiggles her ass.” He smiles at Twilight, and she glares at him. “You’d think she’s found a new tome of magic to digest.”

He’s right. In fact, Dash thinks she’s seen almost this exact face on Twilight before, ignoring the lewdly stretched lips and the drool sliding down her chin. “Yeah. Or—like Princess Celestia has given her homework.”

Doublemint nods. “Or she gets to help some poor sap with a friendship problem.”

Dash snorts. “Ha! Probably with a song—”

Is she really joking with this stallion? He’s a meathead. In different circumstances it could’ve been him leashing her and yanking her in front of the Princess to be disciplined instead of getting his cock sucked. For all Dash knows Doublemint likes to brag in public about fucking Twilight too.

Doublemint seems oblivious to her dysfunction. He groans and rolls his hips, pressing his cock into Twilight’s mouth and his crotch up against her nose. Twilight jerks back then freezes, trying to get used to him thrusting in and out of her mouth. His crotch is slick with what looks like a mouthful of saliva spilling from her lips, and however much precum is mixed in.

“Do you want some?”

Dash jerks her head back. He’s serious. “Yeah, no,” she scoffs, hiding her shock behind a practiced aloof face. “You’re not that hot.”

“Not that hot? Sir, I’m downright ugly. I meant her. Do you want to fuck her? She wants to fuck you. She’ll eat you out if you want. We could take turns with her. A little teamwork. Why do you think she orchestrated this? To make some convoluted point? To make you feel bad? She wants—Ah!” he hisses, when Twilight does something that really turns his crank. “She wants to show you what she’s really like.” He sighs and smiles at his Princess.

“And you know what that is?” Dash rolls her eyes. “Whatever. Yeah, she’s sucking your cock. Don’t act like you’re suddenly soulmates or something. You sure as shit don’t know her better than I do. We’re best friends.”

“Really? Tell me, Sir. How does the Twilight Sparkle you know treat her stallionfriend?”

Dash shrugs. “I dunno. She probably reads books with him, and goes on dates with him.” She smirks. “And probably stammers and blushes a bunch when her friends tease her, and, uh . . . ”

Dash steps closer, faces Twilight. She’s got her own stupid face, like Doublemint does: eyes vacant and lidded, a blush on her cheeks. Her lips are stretched wide around his cock. There’s a river of drool slobbering down her chin and neck, which Dash can easily imagine is cum instead. She doesn’t hesitate and even watches Dash as she bobs her head on this strange stallion’s cock. She knows what Dash is realizing.

“ . . . and she doesn’t cheat on her stallionfriend,” Dash admits.

Oh, Twilight.

Doublemint shrugs. “You want to see the Princess I know?” He runs his hoof through Twilight’s mane, reaches for the back of her head, and starts pressing Twilight’s nose toward his crotch. “Just slide behind her and reach between her legs.” Twilight’s eyes start to bulge as his cock shoves against her throat. “If she even thinks about stopping you, I’ll not only leave, I’ll resign from the Castle Guard before the end of my shift. Or better yet, spread her legs apart and start eating her out. Don’t bother asking.” Twilight reaches a hoof and shoves pretty pathetically against his hip. “She won’t try to stop you. If she uses her teekay, I guarantee it’ll be to hold you in place, not push you back, Sir Miss Best Friend.”

Twilight’s lips slip the last inch or so and kiss his groin.

Dash gasps. It’s one thing to watch Twilight get her throat swabbed—to watch her screw up her face and flare her nostrils and slap his hips in protest. But to go down on her?

The moment Doublemint lets go of her head Twilight jerks back, gasping for breath. Drool bubbles down her face, mixing with a tear or two. She gulps, sucking down air, and wipes her face. After a moment she props herself back up, pulls the hair from her face, and spits at Doublemint, “Fuck you. Don’t talk about me like I can’t hear you.”

Doublemint angles his hips and gently taps her cheek with his cock. She growls and turns her head, opens her lips, and swallows his cock again.

“So, Sir? What’ll it be?”

Sure, Twilight’s hot. Just like all the other Princesses. There isn’t a pony in Equestria who wouldn’t dream of hooking up with a Princess. Dash has glanced at Twilight’s increasingly fine ass now and then. And if they weren’t as close as they were, and if Dash didn’t know Twilight like she does—and if Twilight didn’t have the authority to bury her in a dungeon or whatever—then yeah. But this is the superhero who’d rather stare down evil than make new friends. The egghead who’d rather shuffle books endlessly than go outside. The loner who’d rather watch the ponies around her date and fall in love and start families instead of doing so herself. Twilight doesn’t date, and doesn’t fuck, and certainly doesn’t want Dash eating her ass.

Dash steps her forehooves atop the bed and watches Twilight for a reaction—none—then climbs up and shuffles behind her.

Except Twilight is interested in stallions. And apparently she does fuck. And from the way Twilight doesn’t stop Dash as she places a hoof on her flank, just shudders and flicks her tail out of the way and spreads her hindhooves slightly—

“Come on, Twilight,” Dash pleads, resting her other hoof on Twilight’s other flank and squeezing gently. “You’re supposed to stop me.”

Twilight whimpers, presenting what looks like an exquisite pussy. She keeps her lips wrapped around Doublemint’s cock, keeps bobbing her head.

—it looks like Twilight wants this as much as Dash does.

Doublemint grunts. “Better hurry, Sir. I’m starting to think you’re not as awesome as everypony claims. Unless of course you’re waiting for sloppy seconds, which would be very awesome, and I would happily be obliged.”

Dash glares at him, but gets only a stupid grin in response. Great. Dash can’t back out now, but at least Dash knows what to do, so she shuffles closer, spreads Twilight’s cheeks, and—hesitates. Come on! she thinks. Who cares if Twilight gets mad at her now? Just do it!

Dash lunges forward, smacks her face into Twilight’s rump, and licks a slow, deep lick up Twilight’s soaked pussy lips, sliding all the way up until her nose is under Twilight’s dock and her tongue is poking Twilight’s ass.

Twilight squeaks and doesn’t teleport Dash to the surface of the sun. She just flicks her tail in Dash’s face and shudders and pushes back against her.

Well, Dash thinks wryly, as she leans back in, it’s not like they were close friends or anything. At least the point of no return tastes amazing. She kisses Twilight’s pussy and shoves her tongue inside, tasting a run of juice that’s trickling down Twilight’s thighs and Dash’s chin. Twilight’s flesh is soft and warm and so, so smooth. She shuffles closer, mashing her face into Twilight’s rump so much that she almost lifts Twilight’s hindlegs right off the bed.

Twilight groans, barely stopping her worship of Doublemint’s cock.

Dash reaches between Twilight’s legs and around Twilight’s waist and gropes her, rubbing and tracing the curves from her stomach to her crotch to her ass. She slurps and licks and sucks and buries her nose and tries not to wonder whether all those rumors were true, and whether Sodapop or Applejack’s relatives or any one of Twilight’s professors has ever been back here, and whether this is an exclusive club or not. Or this Spirit stallion—has he ever eaten out Twilight? Are they a thing or not? Does he know about this?

In front of her, just beyond Twilight’s flicking tail, Doublemint grabs Twilight’s mane again and holds her still to shove his cock into her mouth, and Dash follows his lead, shoving her tongue as deep into Twilight as she can manage. Twilight squeals, and just as Dash thinks she’s gotten a handle on Twilight’s flowing juices another splash covers her muzzle. She’s gonna have the smell of Twilight’s juicy pussy stuck in her nose for years at this rate. Dash squirms, rubbing her thighs together.

“Fuck, that’s hot,” Doublemint hisses, over Twilight’s muffled whimpers and moans. Dash looks up over the curve of Twilight’s ass. His downright ugly face is all screwed up with effort, his jaw clenched shut. He’s glancing between Dash’s slippery face and Twilight’s stretched mouth. Bucking his hips. “Fuck. Fuck. I’m gonna come. Do you—Ah!—do you wanna watch?”

Fuck. Dash does want to see it. Now that the flood gates are open—literally; Twilight’s dripping down her inner thighs and onto the sheets—Dash can’t stop imagining Twilight with all these other ponies, and it always ends with an innocent young Twilight covered in cum, filled up to bursting—or swallowing it—and pleading for more.

“Hurry. Hurry!”

Dash cranes her neck to get a better view, then slips around so she can see Twilight’s face again.

Twilight glances up at Dash. Her face is burnt with blush. Her nostrils flare as she tries to suck in enough air.

“Do it,” Dash whispers, eyes wide.

“I don’t have. Much of a. Choice!” Doublemint grunts, grabbing the back of Twilight’s head, and Dash, close enough that she could take over for Twilight if she wanted, gets to watch as he rolls his hips and shoves himself into her throat and comes. His saliva-covered balls clench tight and ram a shot of cum down the length of his cock and into Twilight’s waiting mouth. Twilight’s eyes bulge open and she quickly swallows what looks like a mouthful of thick Earth Pony cum. It stretches her throat, travelling down towards her stomach, even as Doublemint humps his cock again, shooting another load. Twilight’s hackles rise from the onslaught.

Dash gulps right alongside her. She knows exactly what Twilight’s feeling right now. The hot spray of cum against the back of her mouth. The rising tide filling her cheeks and drowning her teeth, forcing her to swallow or risk it splashing all down her chin. His cock throbbing and bulging in her mouth, stretching her jaw wide. Being overwhelmed by something so dominant and offensive and selfish shoved into her mouth, over and over again.

But this is nothing like one of Dash’s blowjobs. When Dash sucks a stallion’s cock, she’s in control, no matter what the stallion thinks. She’s still Sir Rainbow Dash, hero of Equestria. When Twilight swallows a stallion’s cum, apparently, she’s no longer Princess of the Realm Twilight Sparkle. No Princess would do this.

Doublemint wheezes and collapses, relaxing his hips and loosening his grip on her mane. Happy Doublemint noises fill the room.

With her lips still sealed tight and her cheeks bulging, Twilight pulls her mouth from his cock, spilling only a little cum down her chin, and lifts her head up. She takes a careful, deep breath through her nose, stares deep into Dash’s eyes, and opens her mouth to show off a mouthful of thick Earth Pony stallion cum. A huge fucking mouthful. If Twilight coughs or slips and falls she’s going to make such a mess. Her face is close enough to Dash’s that Dash would barely need to lean close to kiss her. Twilight could press her cummy lips to Dash’s in a sloppy kiss, probably spilling that mouthful all over Dash’s lips and chin, before lunging at her and knocking them both to the floor and humping her while Doublemint drives a huge, magically-recharged Earth Pony cock up her cunt and makes her scream—

As Dash whimpers, unable to look away, Twilight scrunches her face and gulps down this last mouthful, then smacks her lips and sighs. Stares back at Dash, daring her to criticize or reprimand or forgive Twilight for her awful, deviant behavior, even though Dash is too horny to do much more than lick her lips.

Twilight’s gloating doesn’t last long. Doublemint grunts and shoots a weak dollop of cum into the air to splatter on Twilight’s forehead. Twilight blinks, glares at his cock, and dips her head down to lick clean the oozing cum that’s dripping down his shaft.

“Your Highness,” he groans, rolling his hips. He reaches down and gently tugs at her mane.

Twilight’s ears twitch. She pauses, tongue stuck to his cock like it’s a frozen metal pole during the winter, and looks up at him. “Mmm?”

“Come here.” He grips her mane and yanks.

Twilight yelps and scrambles to follow his hoof. He pulls her to the side and she loses her balance, winding up on her back with her head where her hooves should be. Her pussy is swamped and swollen. A sticky mess that Dash can still taste. It looks amazing.

Doublemint looms over her and stomps a hoof onto her chest, holding her in place so he can kiss her. She hesitates for only a moment before kissing back, as hard as she can with him standing on her chest, reaching up to grab his shoulders and pull him lower. Actually snarling into his lips. Their faces moving together. His mane draping onto hers. Her hindlegs stroking up his haunches, like she’s trying to hold him in place. He’s gotta be tasting his cum on her lips but he doesn’t seem to care. He just holds her close and rubs his hooves down her sides, letting her bite his lips and lick his chin and explore his mouth.

“Your Highness,” he groans between kisses. “I’ll never get used to this.”

“Shut up,” she pants, wiping her chin. “You’re disgusting.”

“I love kissing you. You kiss like a love-struck filly,” he mutters, shifting his weight and crouching between her thighs. “Heh. How’s Boot doing? Speaking of love-struck fillies—”

“Shut up.”

“That good, huh?” He licks her lips, definitely tasting his own cum now. Dash watches with her jaw hanging open as he grabs his cock and starts stroking it. It’s still hard, drooling a little cum onto Twilight’s stomach. Maybe because he’s an Earth Pony, or maybe Twilight actually is using some sort of voodoo Unicorn witch magic. Doesn’t matter. When he starts rubbing the tip against Twilight’s pussy, Dash realizes with a start that there’s going to be a round two.

“Wait. Wait!” Twilight yelps, slapping at his chest with wide eyes.

Doublemint licks his lips as he eyes her body, and says, “Sorry, Your Highness, but I lied. I am going to fuck you.” He glances at Dash. “I don’t think my new friend is going to object.”

Twilight whimpers but stops her half-hearted struggling. She turns her head to the side and watches Dash, her face burnt with blush and her eyes wide.

“Are you?” she asks.

Dash bites her lip, then blurts out, “Who’s Boot?”

Doublemint nips Twilight’s chin and says, eyes blazing, “Her stallionfriend.” Then he flexes his hips and shoves. His cock bends a little, pressing up against what Dash now knows is a slippery but very tight pussy, before slipping in with a slurp.

Twilight cries out and throws her head back, her horn tearing a loud gash through one of her cushions and surrounding them in a little storm of feathers. With her body arched like that, and with a stallion’s cock buried in her pussy all the way to the root—

Sweet Sisters.

Doublemint pauses for a moment to catch his breath. “You’re . . . You’re absolutely perfect like this. So hot. So—Mmph!” he grunts, thrusting again, a little rougher, eliciting a little yelp. “So tight and warm. I could keep fucking you forever. Why don’t you—Mmph!—move in downstairs? Fuck. You don’t need to be a Princess. No pressure. No responsibilities. No more yelling or threatening or insulting us. Mmph! We’ll take care of you. We’ll take care of everything. Ha! All you need to do—Mmph!—is open your mouth—Ah!—and flick your tail out of the way—Ugh!—and let us serve. You. Your. Highness!” he snorts. Doublemint slides into the groove as he speaks, fucking her up and down the bed.

Fucking fuck. Dash is watching a stallion rail Twilight Sparkle, Princess of the Realm and one of Dash’s best friends, like she’s nothing more than a cheap whore. But instead of hiding in shame, Twilight won’t look away, even as she yelps and grunts and cries; she keeps eye contact even as her face slides up and down the bed with Doublemint’s thrusts. She’s bouncing so much, Dash would have a hard time kissing her, if she wanted to. She kinda does, on her lips and her neck and even on her crotch, wants to lick and taste what that cock is doing to her.

“Oh, fuck, Your Highness. I love your pussy. It’s so tight and perfect, just like a filly’s. Right, Sir?”

Dash tears her gaze from Twilight’s accusing eyes and gawks at her pussy. It’s swollen and slick, stretched wide around Doublemint’s cock. But it does look pristine. Like a young filly’s pussy, Dash imagines. One in the prime of its existence, made for one purpose: getting fucked, over and over, with stallion after stallion emptying himself inside it.

“It’s—it’s good,” she admits.

“It’s fucking amazing. No wonder those guards were arguing. I can’t make up my mind. Too bad you don’t have a cock, Sir. The two of us could compare notes.”

Dash can well imagine, after her little taste. Watching Doublemint screw his face up and snarl and hump Twilight like an animal—watching him shove his cock so far inside her it’s bound to poke back out of her panting, drooling mouth—Dash is more than a little jealous. She’s been on the receiving end of a good cranking now and then but if she had her own cock she’d never stop fucking Twilight. Twilight deserves it, according to Doublemint. And the two of them, working together?

Dash shuffles close enough that she’s in danger of getting walloped in the face by Twilight’s twitching wings so she can watch their messy fucking. Maybe if she turns and squats over Twilight’s face—

“Dash.”

Dash jerks back, realizing her hoof was just about to slip between her thighs, and tries not to look too guilty, nevermind what Twilight herself is doing.

But instead of getting upset, Twilight just wipes her mouth and says, like they’re talking about the weather, “Before we were interrupted, I wanted to ask you if you would mind mentoring a pony for me. She’s going to be Ponyville’s lead Cloud Sculptor.”

“She’s . . . what?” Dash frowns. Before they were interrupted was a lifetime ago, so it takes a few moments. Twilight is talking about the weather. “But you were going to make me the lead. Aren’t you planning on overthrowing the Weather Marshal?”

Now Twilight looks away, ashamed. Oh. She still is—just not with Rainbow Dash.

Dash leans back and exhales. “Fuck. Of course you say that. Just—Are you trying to hurt me? With all this?” She waves at Doublemint, at the spectacle of it all.

Twilight shakes her head. “No! I messed up, Dash. Really bad. I made a desperate gamble in Cloudsdale to fix our weather without having to build a Factory, and now I have no choice.”

“You don’t want it?”

“Of course not. They’re very expensive. Ponyville’s barely held together as it is, and I don’t have the resources or the time or even the skills to fight Cloudsdale. You know what they’re like. So I tried to be clever. But I fucked up and now I’m stuck dealing with the consequences.”

“But I do! I have the skills and the resources!” Dash thumps her chest. “Me! I can help you fight Cloudsdale! I have contacts. I know who to work with. I know—”

Dash shuts her mouth, realizing that she’s perilously close to whining.

“I know, Dash. I’m so sorry. I know this is your dream. If this had worked out any differently, I would’ve offered the job to you first. But it has to be her. You still have a future. I ruined hers. And you’re the only one who can help her. There’s no one that knows weather mechanics in Ponyville better than you.”

Doublemint keeps thrusting and grunting, in spite of—or maybe because of—Twilight’s important business. Doublemint was fucking her best friend; now he’s fucking a Princess. Watching Twilight bounce up and down on her bed while apologizing makes it that much more insulting.

For a few moments Dash sits there, feeling unbalanced, like she just wants to yell. One fucking thing after another. “Just—” She rubs her forehead, then turns and slips off of the bed. “Just hire somepony from Cloudsdale to teach her. One of the other Cloud Sculptors. Find a Gryphon engineer. A fucking Breezie, for all I care. Or, fuck. Do literally anything other than ask me to do this.”

“I can’t. You said it yourself. They could have spies. And there’s nopony else I trust more than you.”

“No.”

Twilight looks genuinely hurt. “You won’t do it? I’m sorry, Dash. I really am. I know this isn’t what you wanted to happen.”

“You’re fucking right it’s not!” She stomps in place. “Do you know what being Weather Marshal means? It’s literally every Pegasus’—”

“Every Pegasus’ dream, I know.”

Dash looks away, takes a deep breath, and blinks the sudden moisture from her eyes. Tonight’s getting to be a bit more than she can handle.

“Rainbow . . . ”

“I was trying to help you tonight,” Dash says.

“You can help me by helping Lux.”

The Castle Guard perks his head up. “Oh, you mean the filly whore you shoved downstairs?”

“Hey!” Twilight snaps, glaring up at him. “Don’t call her that. Her name is Lux, and she’s a nice young filly—what do you mean, whore?”

“I mean the filly you brought for us to fuck. Thanks for that, by the way. Morale has never been higher.”

“You didn’t.”

Doublemint looks bewildered for a moment, slowing his thrusts. “You’re joking, right? You bring us a beautiful, curious, and naive young filly, drop her off in the racks, and tell her to make friends with ponies you consider little more than perverts and rapists—and you don’t expect her to get fucked?” He laughs.

“But—there’s nowhere else to put her,” Twilight whines.

“Oh, I’m not complaining. Lux is the best damned thing to happen downstairs. When you blue ball us, we just turn around and find Lux. Doesn’t matter what she’s doing, she’s very accommodating. Don’t worry! We’re real friendly downstairs. Let’s see. There’s no free bunks, but there’s always somepony willing to share. She had trouble falling asleep when she first arrived, but not anymore, even cuddled up with one or two of us. Sometimes she gets woken up at shift change, when the next batch of worn-down guards comes in seeking some warmth from our sweet little light bulb, but there’s no helping that. In the morning we make sure she has plenty of time to shower, even though so many of us are trying to get ready. She loves showering with us. And we keep her company at meals, escort her around the castle, entertain her when she’s bored or lonely—”

“No.”

“I know, right? You wouldn’t think so from looking at her, but she is a freak. And a real quick learner! You haven’t bothered getting her into school yet, so we’ve taken it upon ourselves to supplement her education. Real hooves on. She could probably show you a few tricks.”

“No! I told Mantle—”

“Guard-captain Mantle can’t do much about it, because you ordered her to provide a home for Lux, and because Lux knows that to make friends, you don’t tell on them. She doesn’t argue, doesn’t fight, and doesn’t let us get caught. In fact I think she enjoys it, now. So all Mantle can do is punish us as a group, and that’s nothing against the wonders of tight filly pussy.”

“No,” Twilight grunts, eyes shut. “No. She’s so pretty—”

“You should see her when she’s dripping in cum.”

Twilight gulps. “—and young. So talented. She’s full of dreams and wonder and—Oh, shit—you’re gonna fuck that right out of her!”

Doublemint laughs. “You should come downstairs more often, then. I think she misses you. She says she’s homesick. But she’s doing her best to follow your instructions and make friends.” He glances at Dash. “I really hope you don’t mentor Lux, Sir. She’ll make a great Castle Guard. We even gave her her own little green hair clip—”

“What?!” Twilight shrieks. “You can’t!”

He chuckles. “Not for her to wear, silly. We don’t need her permission.” Doublemint grabs a lock of her mane and pulls Twilight’s face close to his. He smiles as she pants and drools, then whispers just loud enough for Dash to hear over everything else, “It’s for her to use on you.”

“No . . . ” Twilight groans, arching her back. Her wings twitch and flick, loosening feathers everywhere. Her legs quiver—

Dash gasps.

Twilight’s coming. Sweet Celestia. Right in front of her. While this strange stallion’s cock pistons in and out of her pussy. Fuck. Unicorn Twilight had her charms and was cute, in a sister kind of way. Pretty. But Alicorn Twilight, in the throes of an orgasm? Skewered on a cock long enough to reach her lungs, hindlegs scraping his hips, wings out to here—Dash squirms in place, wiggling her hips. Realizes just how sticky her crotch is, even down her thighs. Twilight’s downright majestic.

Doublemint grits his teeth. “Fuck. That’s hot. Gonna come. Gonna come. Where do you think, Sir Knight of Equestria? Inside? Or—fuck!—or outside?”

Fuck it. Dash spreads her hindlegs and shoves her forehoof down her front. Balancing on three hooves, she starts rubbing at her crotch. Sweet fucking Luna, she’s even wetter than she thought. Fuck! “Out—outside!” she grunts, not blinking, not daring to look away.

“Good—good choice,” Doublemint pants. “I knew—that we’d become—best—friends! Ah!”

Doublemint gasps, and jerks back, shoving at the mattress and lifting himself from her body.

“No . . . ” Twilight whines, igniting her horn. Her magic grips his hips, but it’s weak and keeps flickering.

His cock slurps free of her cunt, just moments before it spasms and unloads a rope of cum that splashes over her abdomen. Her crotch and thighs are covered in spunk almost immediately. He grunts again, grabs his slippery cock, and clumsily aims upwards. His cock paints a sticky line of hot Earth Pony semen from her crotch to her chest, a thin clear stroke punctuated by a large pearly white splotch right over her sternum, followed by another. Almost reaching her neck. His hips jerk, pressing his cock into her abdomen and smearing more spunk everywhere.

Dash whines, squeezing her hoof with her thighs. Bites her lip. Grunts like an animal. So close!

But before she can come, Doublemint lets go of his dick and sighs. He steps over Twilight, bends his hindlegs awkwardly, and presses the drooling tip of his cock to Twilight’s face. “Suck it clean, Your Highness,” he orders.

Twilight opens her mouth and lets him shove his softening cock inside. She’s too tired to do much more than suckle as he humps her face. It’s still pretty hot. When he pulls back he has a satisfied smile on his face. A thin string of cum and saliva stretches from her tongue to his cock for a moment before snapping apart.

He looks over his latest work of art. “Heh. We didn’t really answer your question after all,” he says. “We were supposed to give you a facial and a creampie. Rain check?”

Twilight gurgles in response, her hindleg twitching.

“Good talk, Your Highness.” He offers Dash an innocent smile, even though he’s caught Dash with her hoof between her thighs. “Do you want a ride, too? Because if so, you’ll have to give me a few minutes. I’m not a young stallion anymore.”

“You,” she pants, pointing at the door, “can fuck right off.”

Doublemint laughs—Dash realizes a moment too late that she’s pointing at him with her sticky hoof—and hops onto the floor.

Twilight waves her hoof lazily and mutters, “Guard? Leave us. And find Boot for me.” Her horn ignites so she can unlock the door.

“Yes, Your Highness.” He begins collecting his armor, dressing quickly. “Sir Rainbow Dash, my offer still stands. If ever you feel like gracing the racks with your presence, you’ll be more than welcome. I’m sure we could find something fun to do as a group.”

Doublemint closes the door behind him, leaving Dash alone with Twilight.

Part Three

It’s quiet, once Doublemint leaves. Dash hears Twilight shifting on the bed, panting slightly. But Twilight doesn’t say anything. Is Dash supposed to leave too?

After a few moments, Dash works up some nerve.

“Twilight?” Dash asks. “Uh . . . ”

Twilight doesn’t look injured, per se. That guard probably couldn’t hurt her if he’d tried. But it’s still difficult to look at her. She’s red in the face, panting. Her wings are splayed out, feathers torn and scattered atop the bed and over the edge. Her mane and tail are tangled, hairs at all angles. It’s like the crater some overzealous rookie might leave on his first day at the academy.

“ . . . are you okay?”

Twilight nods, still staring at the ceiling. Her head is where her hooves ought to be. “Yes. I’m a little sore, but that’s normal.”

“Can I . . . help you clean up?” Dash offers. Watching that stallion come all over Twilight was pretty fucking hot, but for some reason, Twilight covered in cum afterwards is less so.

Twilight shakes her head. “No, thanks. I’m fine. Spirit will be here in a few moments. Oh, he’s a guard, too, but he’s nice. You’ll like him. He’s a Pegasus, actually.”

“Oh, yeah. You told me. That’s, uh. Neat.”

Silence for a few moments. Dash gulps and approaches the bed. Wonders what she’s supposed to say now. Does she just continue on like normal? Talk about the latest Daring Do book, and pretend not to picture stallions railing her through the mattress? Even if she leaves right now, sooner or later Rainbow Dash will cross paths with Twilight again. Dash wonders, absently, what small talk is like now.

On the floor beside Twilight’s bedside table is a framed picture and a pair of what Dash guesses are pulp adventure novels, yellowed with age. She puts the books back and reaches for the picture. Unicorn Twilight smiles back at her, standing in front of some tourist trap, surrounded by her family and positively beaming. She sets it down.

Twilight looks at her, her expression neutral. She looks tired, for sure. Like she’d like nothing more than to fall asleep. “Are you mad at me?” she asks, her voice barely above a whisper.

Dash almost blurts out No, of course not. She hates being mad at her friends. But instead she rubs her forehead, winces, then says, “You know what? Yeah. And not just about the weather thing. That’s—Fuck. That’s a whole other thing. But what the fuck? You just let them fuck you like some whore? Why?”

“I am a whore—”

“Stop saying that!” Dash says.

Twilight rolls away and says, “If you’re just gonna yell at me, you can leave.”

“Hey!” Dash snaps, stomping up onto the bed. She grabs Twilight’s shoulder and rolls her back, forces her to look up at Dash. “Don’t just—”

Dash freezes. Twilight’s still sticky with cum. She’s looking up at Dash with a mixture of fear and anger and excitement. Her face is just inches away from Dash’s. And with her wings splayed out and with her hair messy and fanned out around her head like a halo—

If she wants to be a whore, then Dash could just hold her down and fuck her like one.

“ . . . Don’t just ignore me,” Dash finally growls, trying to keep her voice even. “I stayed put when you asked. I behaved. Now it’s your turn.”

Twilight nods.

“They weren’t just rumors, were they?”

Twilight shakes her head no. “At least, their rumors are true.”

“So you were lying. You pretended to be all surprised and shocked.”

“I tried to tell you I didn’t care—”

“No, you told me to let it go. Fuck, Twilight. If you’d just told me they weren’t lying about you—”

Twilight scoffs. “You wouldn’t’ve believed me.”

“—but instead you pretended like nothing’s wrong, like there’s no problem, like I’m the idiot for even caring about it in the first place. Like this is my fucking fault! And not only that,” Dash rushes to say, when Twilight opens her mouth to interject, “but that guard said you threaten them and yell at them and insult them? And apparently you’re fucking them, and—and—”

Twilight stares up at her, panting. Dash can’t blame her. Her own heart is racing. Yelling at her friends tends to do that to her. Twilight waits a moment, then licks her lips. “And?” she prods. “Say it.”

“And you’re cheating on Spirit? Tell me you’re not that fucking disloyal. Tell me that’s not true!”

“It’s not true.”

“You’re lying! This isn’t how you’re supposed to act! You’re not Twilight! No!” Dash yells, waving her hoof. “You don’t cheat on ponies, or fuck your guards, or—or—”

“—or try to seduce my best friend?” Twilight asks, reaching up to touch Dash’s shoulder.

Dash slaps her hoof away. “Yeah! That’s not what you do. That’s not you!” she shouts.

“Maybe you just don’t know me that well.”

“Stop trying to make me mad!” Rainbow snarls.

Twilight lifts her head up. “Why not? What are you gonna do about it?” she taunts, breathing on Dash’s face.

Motherfucker. Twilight’s trying to goad Dash. Trying to bait Dash into proving Twilight right. And it’s working.

Twilight doesn’t stop. “Are you gonna try and talk this out, like a friend? Try to get to the root of the problem and help me grow as an individual? That’s the reasonable thing to do. If we were friends, you’d feel sorry for me and empathize and dismiss my actions as a cry for help. Right?” She shifts her weight, bringing her face closer. Somehow she’s managed to press herself up against Dash without her noticing. “Twilight’s lonely, and hates being a Princess, and needs her friends, but she doesn’t know how to ask, so she goes overboard just to get their attention. She’s desperate for help, and nothing’s more reasonable than helping your friends. Right? But I’m not your friend, apparently. You don’t have to be reasonable.”

Twilight licks her cheek.

Dash freezes, staring at the spot on the pillow where Twilight was just a moment ago. She hadn’t noticed how much of Twilight’s body is pressed against her, hadn’t noticed herself moving closer and closer until Dash can practically feel Twilight’s racing heart under her warm, fuzzy chest. Her leg is pressing between Twilight’s, squeezed in place right up against her pussy. She inhales and tries to back up, but Twilight holds her in place with the easy strength of an Earth Pony. A familiar weight sinks in her gut. She feels it every time she plummets towards the ground in front of a crowd. It’s not just weightlessness and nausea, not just watching control of the situation slip from her grasp, even as the stakes climb higher and higher. It’s watching disaster approaching at the speed of sound, certain and unstoppable. It’s knowing that she could pull up, that she should pull up, but she won’t. It’s the blurring between fear and excitement—and, she realizes with a painful gulp, it’s the blurring between anger and arousal. She doesn’t want to lose her friend, but—

“You can get mad at me, Dashie. You can punish me,” Twilight whispers, as inevitable as the ground. “You can fuck me.”

Yeah. Yeah, that sounds about right.

Dash stomps on Twilight’s chest and shoves her down into the bed, glares at her, then dips her head and presses her lips to Twilight’s.

Twilight groans and wraps her forelegs around Dash’s shoulders, pulling Dash’s body atop hers, squeezing cum between them. She opens her mouth, inviting Dash to explore. Her tongue is hot and wet and tastes like Doublemint. Dash inhales her bad breath and wipes at the saliva drooling down her chin.

“Dash—” Twilight pants between kisses. “I know you’re mad—”

“Shut up,” Dash snarls into her mouth. “Just—Ungh—Just shut up.” She bites Twilight’s chin and licks her cheek and sucks her neck. “Don’t fucking talk when I’m—” Shit, is she really gonna do this? “—when I’m fucking you.”

“Finally,” Twilight breathes, grabbing at Dash and pulling her close.

Dash can feel Twilight’s heart hammering inside her ribcage. Or maybe her own. Dash kisses her again and settles her body into every curve and slope of Twilight’s, like two storm fronts colliding. Chest to chest. Hindlegs all tangled. Wings flaring and slapping the bed. Twilight’s pussy, hot and wet, on her thigh. Somewhere in the back of Dash’s mind is the realization that the night is flat spinning out of control.

“Fuck, Twilight. You really want ponies to treat you like a whore? You want me to treat you like a whore?”

Twilight nods.

“You want me to fuck you whenever I want?”

Twilight gulps, then nods. “The Apples do. Rarity does. Everypony does.”

“Your brother, and Princess Cadance too, right?” Dash asks. Her mind, usually slow on the uptake, spins with absurd possibilities. “Can I fuck them? While you watch?”

“If they let you.”

Dash shudders. “When we’re out with friends, I can just pull you aside and molest you? Right in front of them?”

“Do you want to molest me?” Twilight asks, arching her back.

Dash shudders. Yes, she really does. Sweet Princess, this mare is beautiful. Her wings are larger than Dash’s, and even ruffled and worn they look amazing. Her body is all sleek lines and soft curves that Dash wants to trace and feel and explore—that Dash wants to exploit and use and show off as belonging to herself.

Dash ducks her head and nuzzles Twilight’s chest fluff, nibbles around Twilight’s navel, and licks her way down to Twilight’s crotch.

“What else?” she asks, then leans in and licks Twilight’s pussy.

Twilight gasps. Her hooves grab Dash’s mane and press her face against her crotch. “Wake me up in the middle of the night. Or when I’m reading. Or working. My Guards will let you in. You can—Ah!—sit on my face. Or hump my body. Tease me. Leave me on the edge—”

Dash pokes her tongue inside Twilight’s snatch, tastes her again. Makes her cry out.

“Don’t let me sleep. Don’t let me leave my bedroom. Just fuck me. Come all over me. Whenever you want.”

Dash groans.

“Or you can kiss me. Bite my wings. Pull my tail. Suck my horn—Ah!—while the others watch. Make me squeal in front of our friends, Dash. Oh, fuck. So—Ah! Ahhh! Rainbow!”

Twilight clamps her thighs around Dash’s head and shoves her cunt into Dash’s face. A squirt of juices splashes across Dash’s lips and over her tongue. Delicious. Dash swallows all of it and keeps searching for more, drawing out what she suspects is a small orgasm.

Twilight slumps, panting. Her legs flop to the sides. She’s covered in sweat and saliva, and hairs from her tail are stuck all over her abdomen and crotch. Dash pulls back, feeling a burn in her cheeks, all the way up to the tips of her ears. She can’t get enough of this mare.

Dash slides her body up and licks the drool on Twilight’s chin, imagining it’s the messy leftovers from some of her guards. “I wanted to kiss you,” Dash pants. “When you had. That mouthful of cum. So badly.”

“Then do it next time.”

“Do you often have. Mouthfuls of cum?”

“More often than you do,” Twilight taunts.

“When?” Dash presses.

“Huh?”

Panting, Dash props herself up and searches Twilight’s face. “When—when is there room for this whole other you? Does anypony else know? How—”

“Dash.” Twilight touches a hoof to Dash’s mouth. “Not now. Please.”

Dash clenches her eyes shut and looks away. “Fine. Just—shut up.”

“You’re the one who keeps asking questions,” Twilight says, grinding her hips into Dash’s.

“Because none of this makes any sense!”

Twilight drops her hoof and looks away. Dash keeps grinding herself on Twilight’s thigh, and only notices after a few moments that Twilight has stopped.

“Really?” Twilight asks, finally, closing her eyes. “Even after all that?”

Dash shakes her head, stunned.

Silence stretches out between them.

Twilight sighs. “Dash—”

There’s a knock on the door.

“Argh!” Dash snarls and glares over her shoulder at this intrusion. “What?!”

Twilight ignites her horn, sizzling the door unlocked. “Come in.”

The door opens. Another Castle Guard enters, this one a younger Pegasus stallion.

“Again?” Dash seethes, wiping her mouth with a hoof. “Fuck! Get out of here!” She reaches blindly for a cushion and throws it at this intruder. It flops harmlessly to the floor.

Twilight closes the door behind him and sizzles it locked. “Dash,” she says quietly, reaching up to touch Dash’s cheek, “this is Spirit. He’s my stallionfriend.”

Stallionfriend?!

Dash leaps back like she’s been burned. “Oh, fuck, dude, I wasn’t—” she stammers, waving her hooves and nearly falling backwards onto the floor.

Spirit takes in the scene—the messed up sheets, a sticky, panting Twilight, and a panicking Rainbow Dash, who is also sticky—without saying a word. He unclips his helmet and begins undressing. For a whole minute Dash sits frozen, hiding behind her hooves and silently freaking out, as he carefully removes his armor and sets it aside in a neat pile.

Spirit walks right past Dash and approaches Twilight, just like Doublemint did. Dash bristles, but Spirit merely lifts Twilight up onto his back like she’s a pillow—

“Mmm. Thank you, dear.”

—and carries her into the ensuite bathroom.

Dash buries her face in her hooves and rolls onto her back. That one gesture was a punch to the gut. What the fuck was she doing? She’s not some drunk, horny colt. She’s better than that. She knew Twilight was seeing a pony. That’s the whole fucking point!

Panting, feeling like she should yell some more, she looks up at the unlocked window. Her wings rustle. She should just leave. Fly away, go home, fuck herself raw, then pass out before the shakes get too bad. Maybe try to forget this whole night even happened.

“Dash,” Twilight calls out from her ensuite. Dash can hear water splashing and towels rustling, but Twilight says over all of that, “Come say hi to Spirit. I want you to meet him.”

Dash exhales, then stares at that window for a moment or two more. “Yeah. Okay.”

Inside, Spirit is helping Twilight clean the cum off her body. It’s stuck in her coat, clinging to her mane—there’s even some in her feathers, which Dash knows from personal experience is a real pain to clean out, and seriously fuck anypony who comes in a Pegasus’s wings.

“Um. Hi.” Dash waves awkwardly.

Spirit nods in her direction while he rubs a hot washcloth over Twilight’s face. “Sir.”

“Just. Just Dash is fine. Thanks.”

Twilight grimaces and grouses like a foal who doesn’t care about being clean.

Dash looks away and rubs the back of her neck. “So, um. I’m sorry. For kissing your, uh. For kissing Twilight. And, uh. The other stuff.”

“He doesn’t mind,” Twilight grunts, twisting her face under his washcloth so she can speak. “It’s—Stop it!—not the first time.”

Spirit nods again.

“The other guard called you Boot.”

This elicits a tiny smile. He says, “Everypony in the Castle Guard gets a nickname eventually.”

“Oh.” It sounds like an awful nickname, but what does she know? “You’re dating?”

Twilight and Spirit answer at the same time:

“No, not really.”

“Yes. For a couple weeks now.”

“Oh.”

This is not how she imagined meeting Twilight’s special somepony. Twilight should have invited her over for drinks or something, and introduced him with a blush. Dash should be teasing Twilight and hitting on her stallion. She should be laughing and smirking and telling him embarrassing stories about Twilight. He should be hinting at how freaky Twilight really is, while Twilight evaporates slowly.

Instead Dash is the blushing, embarrassed, shy pony. When did that happen?

“I heard that you,” Twilight says, poking Spirit in the shoulder, “were kissing boys downstairs.”

Spirit freezes, startled. He glances at Dash, eyes wide, and stammers, “Uh, that’s not—I mean—”

Twilight rolls her eyes and looks at Dash. “I usually try not to concern myself with what my guards are getting up to, but I hear rumors too,” she says with a smile. “Who were they? Are you seeing them? Are they cute?”

Spirit clears his throat, blushing a little. “You haven’t been downstairs lately.”

“Tell me.”

Spirit winces. “Doublemint and Flamingo. They’re—not ugly. I guess. Doublemint was just in here, I think, and, uh, Flamingo—well, you definitely know him. He humps anything with four legs. Don’t let anypony you care about near him. And, no. I’m not seeing them.” He says this last bit like he’s just tasted something foul.

“Are you sore?” she teases, rubbing his haunch. “I bet you’re sore.”

“N—No, it’s not, uh—”

Twilight giggles, and brushes her wing across his.

Is Dash supposed to leave? Twilight’s a mess and Dash isn’t sure she’s supposed to see this, but they didn’t ask her to leave. They don’t look uncomfortable, and neither are the type to forget their surroundings. They’re casually chatting about—Dash listens for a moment—about how both of them have sucked some stallion’s cock, and what this Lux filly is getting up to. They clearly don’t care that Dash is listening, and it’s far less filthy than what she just watched, but it’s still awkward . . .

Oh. Dash gets it. It’s awkward because Dash has intruded on a genuinely intimate moment between two ponies. Spirit isn’t worshipping the ground she walks on, and he certainly isn’t here just to fuck a Princess. And Twilight doesn’t see him as another meathead either. They’re just ponies to each other. They make each other smile. Somehow.

This isn’t some gross, shameful foul-up between two bickering partners. Dash is intruding on a moment.

Sweet Celestia.

For all she might claim otherwise, Twilight might just be falling in love.

Dash backs out of the bathroom, sits on Twilight’s bed and stares at the wall. She listens to Twilight tease the poor stallion, and wonders just when Twilight raced so far ahead.

Eventually Twilight plods back into her bedroom and climbs onto her bed, flopping onto the pillows again.

“I’m really, really sorry, Twilight,” Dash blurts out, before she can stop herself. “I didn’t think—”

“You thought I didn’t care about sex.”

“I don’t—”

“Yes, you do.” She pulls over a pillow that hasn’t been gutted and sits back against it. “It’s obvious. You talk about stallions all the time, but not with me. You never ask me for help when you’re dealing with a problem. You never brag about how great getting fucked by so-and-so was, or how dirty you feel after hooking up with somepony. None of you do. A couple days ago you and Pinkie actually hushed each other when you saw me approaching. You didn’t think for a second that I might want to join in. Do you know how isolating that is?”

“But—”

“But nothing. You wanted to break into the Castle and find me in the middle of the night. Well, guess what you interrupted?” Twilight asks.

Even after everything else, it still takes a moment for Twilight’s implication to sink in. “Oh. I thought . . . ” Dash trails off, but Twilight just waits and eventually Dash admits, “I thought you were exercising.”

She looks at her hooves. She feels stupid just saying so.

“Exercising.”

“Yeah. You know—cardio?”

Twilight snorts. “Cardio? You thought—Oh, Dash,” she sighs. “Do you see what I mean?”

Dash nods.

“Hey.” Twilight pokes Dash’s shoulder. “It’s kinda funny, isn’t it? I mean, I was exercising, if you think about it.”

It is kinda funny. “So, is that it? You just want us to talk about sex with you?”

“No, Dash,” she says, glancing over as Spirit approaches. “I want you to treat me like an adult. Not a child. I fuck. I like to get fucked. I have fetishes and desires like anypony else and enough shame to fill this whole castle. There are ponies I hate needing and ponies that hate me back. I want—”

Spirit climbs atop the bed and settles beside Twilight, face unreadable.

Twilight bites her lip, looks away for a second, before taking a deep breath. “I want to be your friend again. And I want to kiss you.”

Dash jerks back, glancing at Spirit for a moment. “What?”

“Dash . . . ” Twilight whispers, looking up at her, blushing. Eyes wide. Face glowing. Hoof held out, partway, like she’s afraid to touch Dash but desperately wants to. She’s so vulnerable, even with Spirit right there, and she wants Dash, of all ponies, to give her companionship. The brash, proud, relationships-are-for-wimps Rainbow Dash. “Will you kiss me, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash gulps, but she is brave, and Twilight is soft and warm, and Alicornhood really, really agrees with her.

It’s a little strange—bordering on unsettling—kissing Twilight in front of her lover. Dash keeps glancing up at Spirit, then glancing away when he makes eye contact. He doesn’t try to stop her, doesn’t say anything. Just watches. Dash has had sex in front of others before. What Wonderbolt hasn’t? And yet—

And Twilight is not the sort of pony that kisses ponies. Maybe on the forehead before tucking them in. Not tilting her head, tasting Dash’s tongue, or whimpering like a distressed critter. Not sucking face. Just like she never has sex and doesn’t think about stallions or mares and is probably asexual, right?

But kissing Twilight at all just feels . . . right. She tastes so alive. So gentle. About as sexual as she could be. It’s so much better when they’re not fighting one another. Twilight moves with Dash, absorbs Dash’s enthusiasm and returns it, follows her lead while taking her own.

Right when Dash thinks she’s about to run out of air, Twilight pulls back, Dash’s lower lip bitten between her teeth for a moment. A thick strand of saliva connects them before splashing onto Twilight’s chin. While Dash tries not to freak out, Twilight smiles at her, face aglow. Then she turns her head, looks Spirit in the eyes, and embraces him.

The stallion sinks into Twilight’s kiss. His wings spread, knocking against Dash’s. He shifts his weight and shoves up against her. Not pushing her out of the way, of course. This stallion isn’t the kind to assert himself. And Dash doesn’t really know how he feels about all of this. But he’s hot, and Dash is so, so turned on, and he doesn’t complain when Dash presses against him and nuzzles his neck and rubs his stomach. She reaches around him and holds him close, and when he pulls back to breathe Dash kisses his cheek, then his lips.

For all that he may pretend to be some professional, aloof Castle Guard who only cares about serving Her Highness, he makes the most adorable, vulnerable whimpers as Dash explores him.

The little voice telling her this is wrong is still there, albeit quieter. “Dude. Are you sure about this?” she asks Spirit.

Twilight answers for him. “I thought you were a Pegasus, Dashie. Can’t you recognize the signs of an aroused Pegasus stallion yet?” She smiles. “Or is this your first time? Oh, Dash. I had no idea.”

“Fuck you!” she laughs. “I know all about horny Pegasi.”

“Tell me.”

Dash exhales. She really only has to describe her own symptoms. “Um. Flushed face. Fast heartbeat. Stress. Difficulty breathing. Wings out. Tail flicking. And . . . ”

“And?” Twilight prods.

Dash gulps and slides her hoof down Spirit’s side, underneath his body.

Spirit grunts and leans to the side, lifts his leg in the air to give her better access.

“And—Sweet Celestia, his cock.” She grabs his cock and holds him still, squeezing gently until she hears that whimper. He’s very hard. She slides her hoof all the way to the tip. It reaches damned near all the way to his sternum, hot and thick and throbbing.

He snorts, his jaw clenched shut, and pushes his hips forward, shoves his cock through her grip. She starts stroking him slowly, listening to every little noise he makes.

“What about it?” Twilight asks in a whisper, watching with wide eyes as Dash pleasures her lover.

“It’s a nice cock. Very, uh. Very firm.”

“It is,” Twilight sighs, reaching down and touching Dash’s hoof, helping her stroke him at just the right pace with just the right force. He thrusts into their hooves, eyes clenched shut, snorting. His tail slaps against the bed, his wings splayed wide. If they don’t stop soon this Pegasus’s nice, very firm cock is going to explode all over her hoof and his stomach and the bed. Does he come a lot? If he fucks her, will his guard training and endurance and raw stamina conspire to wreck Dash from the inside? He’s a Pegasus. Dash knows what one Pegasus can do to another.

Dash can only guess what an Alicorn and a Pegasus get up to.

Twilight strokes his chest and asks Dash, “Do you want to fuck him?” Like she can read Dash’s mind. “Together? He’s really quite lovely. We can take turns. I think it’ll make him really happy. Oh!” Her grin transforms into something more devious. “Or . . . ”

She unclips the little green choker she’s been wearing all night and passes it to Dash. Spirit sees it then looks away, face unreadable.

“ . . . maybe you want him and me to fuck you?” Twilight asks.

Dash looks down at the bit of fabric in her hoof. It’s stained with cum, even though Doublemint never got any on her neck tonight. She gulps again. Her mouth was dry just a moment ago, so thirsty; now she’s drowning in saliva. Drowning in Twilight. It’s too much.

“Uh . . . ” she says, her voice catching and her hoof shaking. She glances at the window, then behind them at the door. If she was going to bolt, now would be the time. “Uh . . . ”

Twilight smiles. “Boot, help her clip it on.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” He takes the little green choker and reaches past Dash, like he’s just going for a fatherly hug, except of course for the drooling cock grinding against Dash’s stomach. His nose almost touches hers as he fiddles with the little catch. Dash barely has time to yelp, then it’s done. It’s tight, and gets tighter when she tries to swallow another mouthful of spit. Dash, used to the open skies and not used to wearing fuck-me collars, is trapped.

“It looks good on you,” Twilight says, leaning close. “I like the color.” She brushes her lips past Dash’s ear and breathes, “Just the right shade of permission. Boot,” she says, looking up, “help me fuck her.”

“Yes, Your Highness.” Spirit grabs her.

“No, wait—” Dash exclaims, waving her hooves and trying to squirm free. She barely knows this pony. What if they’re too much? This stallion will only stop when Twilight tells him to.

“I want you, Dashie,” Twilight whispers. “Don’t be scared. We’ll make your first time special.” Twilight ignites her horn. The illumination of her horn casts menacing shadows over her face. She professes to be one of Dash’s best friends but apparently Dash barely knows her either.

They loom over her, blocking Dash’s view of the door and the window. Dash feels the bed pitch beneath her, then suddenly she’s on her back. Somepony grabs her hooves and presses them back against the bed with a strength that could have come from a thoroughbred stallion. She squeezes her legs together but another pony reaches between them and spreads them apart without hesitation, exposing her privates to yet another stranger tonight and leaving her breathless—turns out they both have enough easy strength to dominate her.

She’s helpless and more than a little scared, feelings she’ll never get used to, not when she’s plummeting towards the ground and especially not when she’s underneath a stallion or hanging with a friend. But no matter how embarrassed or claustrophobic or overwhelmed she feels, Dash is even more afraid of trying to stop her. Twilight may be the only pony who can push Dash to her limits.

So when Spirit crawls up and crouches over her head and presses his cock against her lips, Dash kisses the tip, licks and slurps up the underside of his shaft, lets him rub his sack against her face. She waits for his order then opens her mouth and lets him in. His cock shoves right into her throat, burns hot, and leaks runny precum like a faucet. Stretches her choker even tighter. He grabs hooffuls of her mane and holds her in place. In moments she’s kissing his crotch over and over.

And when Twilight slides down her body, licking and kissing and drooling a line from her navel to her groin to her slit, Dash groans and thrusts her hips up, willing Twilight to stop fucking around and start eating her out. Twilight really knows her way around a pussy, and—Sweet fucking Celestia, a Princess is eating Dash’s cunt.

And soon it’s too late to say no. Dash doesn’t surrender, exactly, but she does clench her eyes shut and grip the sheets and try not to fucking die. In the end, it amounts to the same thing. Twilight and her guard don’t stop. As they pass her back and forth and use her like their plaything, all Dash can do is hold on. They don’t tease her. They fuck her, like animals, for hours, stopping only long enough to shove her into different positions. Like she’s furniture that squeals itself hoarse when it comes. Spirit humps her backside and fucks her cunt, makes her come. Twilight crawls over Dash and bites her neck, leaving a new cutie mark. Spirit wraps her wing around his cock and jerks himself off, coming thick ropes of spunk all over her feathers. Twilight shoves her tongue in Dash’s ass and gropes her cunt and pulls her tail, makes her come. They hang her head off the edge of the bed so Spirit can fuck her throat and splatter cum on her face and neck and chest. Twilight restrains her with magic so she can hump her face and squirt in her mouth. Spirit comes in her ass then shoves his cock in her mouth. Twilight grinds on her spine and bites the back of her neck and comes on her tail. Dash comes with Spirit fellating her hoof and again with Twilight choking her neck. She can’t keep track of the mouths and cocks and orgasms. The two lovers work as a team and methodically drown her in saliva and magic and cum, and as they kiss each other and nuzzle each other and whisper sweet murmuring things to each other all Dash can do is squeal and choke and beg and drool and come and come and come—

Dash declines Twilight’s languid, drowsy offer to stay the night, but she’s an unstable flightless hot mess right now, so Twilight orders Spirit to help her home. He leads Dash down the stairs and through the Castle’s main hall. He’s perfectly alert and rested, like the marathon of sex didn’t really happen. Dash knows for a fact that it did, is still feeling the consequences. Hormones and chemicals shimmer in her blood, making everything a little bit weird. The residue of magic makes her tingle. They couldn’t quite get all the cum out of her feathers—seriously, fuck him. She’s walking slowly, partly out of shock and partly because her legs still won’t stop quivering. She can feel aches that will be a real pain tomorrow. And she needs a shower. A long shower.

The other ’Bolts would be so jealous.

The silence is particularly awkward. Dash is no stranger to a shameful trip home after a one-night stand. But her nights are never this shameful and she’s never walked home with the stallion before.

“Is . . . is it always like that?” Dash asks, finally able to break the silence. She looks at the fancy stained glass windows, unable to make eye contact with Spirit—how could she, after what she let him do to her?

Spirit also looks straight ahead, and hesitates with his answer. “No . . . but lately she’s been more and more frustrated and scared. Her new Factory is already behind schedule and over budget. She often turns to sex to help her relax.”

They’d left Twilight as a drooling, melting pile of satisfied feathers with a smoking horn, snuggled deep in her blankets. She’d looked very relaxed.

“Oh.” Librarian Twilight also had poor coping strategies for dealing with stress. But her stresses stemmed from friendship problems and late homework assignments. And she used to confide in Dash and the rest of their little band of heroes, though sometimes it took a little prodding. Princess Twilight’s stresses are caused by actual problems with actual risks that could affect actual ponies, and nopony ever finds out. Dash doesn’t envy Twilight’s responsibilities one bit—excepting maybe those concerning Ponyville’s weather.

When she was little, Rainbow Dash dreamed of being a Weather Marshal. Probably every Cloudsdale Pegasus does at some point. Weather Marshals are heroes that dictate the course of history. Dash can rattle off the names of the last ten Marshals without having to stop and think. Once she’d dreamt of having her own name in that list.

But becoming Ponyville’s lead Cloud Sculptor is only the first step on a long road towards becoming a Marshal. She would be Ponyville’s first, sure. And it’s good work. But there’s no fame or glory in running a small provincial Weather Factory, and she would be beset by opposition from all sides. She would have to fight for every sunny day. Ponyville isn’t Cloudsdale, isn’t resourceful or pragmatic or downright devious like Cloudsdale is.

None of that means Dash couldn’t do it. She could run the fuck out of a Factory, and better than some punk kid could.

Dash stops in the front lobby and looks around. “Can you take me to the barracks?” she asks Spirit.

Spirit nods. “Follow me.” He leads her down some stairs. There’s a heavy wooden door at the end of a long hallway, with two Castle Guards standing watch. Spirit ducks inside, leaving Dash to glare at the meathead statue impersonators in front of her.

Several minutes pass. When Spirit emerges he has a bleary-eyed Pegasus filly in tow. Dash’s eyelids climb under her mane. This is the one Twilight’s guards have been fucking? No way.

Lux winces under the ceiling lamp and rubs her eyes. “Mmm? Twilight?” She sniffs and peers at Dash through squinting eyelids. “What’s going on? What did I do?”

Dash feels as tired and as disoriented as Lux looks. She crouches in front of the filly and waits for her to open her eyes properly. “Heya, Lux. I’m Rainbow Dash.”

“What?” Lux gasps, perking up, her eyes open wide now. “Sweet Sisters, it is you. Whoa.” She steps right up in Dash’s personal space and peers over her, gawking at her cutie marks and her mane and even poking her chest at one point. “That is so cool. Hey, are you still a Wonderbolt? Oh, wait—do you know Prince-marshal Harrier? Oh. Oh, wait. Wait! Can you do a Sonic Rainboom?”

“Uh—”

“Not in here, obviously,” Lux says.

One of the guards standing watch behind her keeps glancing at her rump.

Dash sighs, then looks at Spirit. “Can you grab her things?”

Spirit ducks back inside. Now the guards look upset. Fuck ’em. Doublemint was probably lying about what goes on in there, or at least exaggerating, but still—she looks like she’s half their age.

“What’s going on?” Lux asks, yawning. “Can I go back to bed? I’m gonna lose my bed.”

“I’m taking you home. Twilight never should’ve brought you here.”

“What? No! I don’t want to go home. I like it here! The guards take care of me. I’m learning so much about being an adult and living with roommates and taking on responsibility. And Princess Twilight says I’m gonna be a Weather Marshal one day!”

“Lux—”

“You can’t make me!” Lux stomps her hoof, thrusts out her chest, and tries to stare down Rainbow Dash.

Dash exhales, questioning whether this punk kid is really worth it.

“I meant my home. There’s a spare bed. And hurry up. It’s late, I’m fucking exhausted, and there’s lots to do.”

Author's Note

The End

What do you mean, just like How to Love Your Princess? This is a whole new thing! I promise!

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Merry Christmas, you filthy animals! Leave a 👍, a ⭐, or even a 💬 if you want to learn more about what's coming next—or if you just want more. Even a quick thank you means a lot!