Magister Factotum

Hundreds of people walk around the food court. Dozens more sit in dining areas with their group of friends. Except for a young woman with a black and red faux hawk. She sits by herself at one of the larger circle tables in the dining area.

Her pale yellow eyes stare at the screens of two laptops while her hands tap madly at the keys of the laptops, the left hand on the left laptop and her right hand on the right laptop. Visitors still gawk and watch in awe at the alabaster woman working simultaneously on two laptops even though she has performed the task one hundred and sixty-seven times before today. Her face remains impassive as an onlooker snaps a quick photo with their cell phone.

“Hey! No photos, pal! Delete it!” A raspy voice demands.

Pale yellow eyes avert their gaze from the blue glowing screens to see a cyan skin, rainbow haired young woman grabbing the phone of the onlooker. Alabaster hands continue to tap away.

“Alternatively,” the alabaster woman speaks up, her quiet voice cuts through the din of the area as everyone around goes quiet, “pay the fee and you can keep the photo.”

The onlooker, a young man with dark gray skin and light blue hair yanks his hand and phone away from the grasp of the cyan woman. “Back off, dude!” The guy pushes the rainbow haired woman by her chest. His hand presses against something softer than he had expected.

Before he can gather his thoughts, he finds himself on the ground with his arm behind his back and the cyan woman’s knee in the small of his back. “You disrespectful shit!”

“Augh!” The man exclaims in pain. “Ow! I’m sorry! You just looked like a guy.” He yelps in pain as his arm twists further up. He watches the alabaster woman strut over to him and pick up his phone.

“Get off of him, Rainbow Dash.”

“You sure, Shade?”

The alabaster woman, Shade, nods her head. “I deleted the photo already.”

Rainbow Dash jumps off the man on the ground. “Next time, just ask, pal.”

His grimace wipes from his face as he stares at the white hand before him. He stares up at the serene face of the woman of his affection. “Ask next time. For now, leave.”

He accepts her hand. The coldness of her hand and the cool of her voice send chills down his spine. “A-anything for you, Sh-Shade!”

The two women watch as the guy stumbles away, looking back every few seconds with a goofy grin.

“You are early.” Shade says as she returns to her seat. She closes the laptops and puts them away in a black bag.

“Are you kidding me? I couldn’t wait to get out of class!” Rainbow Dash turns the chair around to sit down and rests her arms on the back of the chair.

A grin begins to tug at the corners of Shade’s mouth. Rainbow Dash’s beaming smile is as infectious as Pinkie Pie’s.

“Time for fun in the sun and not having to worry about college!” Rainbow Dash exclaims as she pumps a fist into the air.

“Congratulations on surviving freshman year.”

“You can say that again!” Pinkie Pie pops up on the left side of Shade. She gives Shade a bone crushing hug. Shade squeezes Pinkie making the pink woman squee with joy. Pinkie Pie slips out from Shade’s grip to hug Rainbow Dash. “I’ve missed you all so much! It’s been like a bajillion years since we all last got together!”

Shade straightens her black blazer while chuckling at Pinkie’s hyperbole.

“If by a ‘bajillion years’ you mean three months since Spring Break,” Twilight says as she walk up to the table, “then yes; it has been a bajillion years since we last all got together.”

“Twilight!” Pinkie zips over to the lavender skin woman to deliver another bone crushing hug.

“Can’t. Breath.” Twilight manages to wheeze out.

Pinkie releases her grip and offers a weak laugh. “Sorry, Twi! Just missed you!”

A hearty guffaw draws everyone’s attention. “Pinkie Pie, I’m sure everyone feels the same way.” Applejack says. Pinkie Pie beams and zooms over to the cowgirl to give her a hug.

The women sit down at the table. They talk about what they plan on ordering for lunch. Ten minutes later, familiar pink hair pokes up from the crowds of people that Shade and Pinkie spot.

“Fluttershy! Over here!” Pinkie Pie calls out to their friend, waving her arms in the air.

Fluttershy brushes the long, pink hair from her face to smile at her friends. She waves back and heads towards the group. “Hello, girls,” she greets everyone at the table.

Pinkie Pie jumps up to hug Fluttershy which Fluttershy returns.

“Hello, darlings.” Rarity greets the group from behind Fluttershy.

Her friends offer their greetings. They all talk amongst each other about the day they had and plans for the Summer. A few minutes later, when the conversations die down, Pinkie Pie starts searching the crowd for their last friend.

“Shade, Sunset works for you, do you know why she is late?” Rarity asks.

“Classified.” Shade states.

“Except it’s not,” a warm voice says to the right of Shade. “Hey, all. Sorry I’m late.”

“Now that everyone is here,” Rainbow Dash says as she gets to her feet, “let’s talk about our vacation!”

“‘Vacation’? No, no, far too busy to be taking a vacation.” Rarity says.

“Yeah, some of us have farms and stores to run still.” Applejack adds.

“And a multi-billion bit corporation, fifteen non-profit organizations, twelve multi-million bit businesses, and run multimedia accounts that fourty-two percent of the world’s population watch and follow.” Shade lists.

“Only forty-two percent of the population, huh?” Sunset gibes.

“Once my projects in Zebrica are complete, the number should increase to sixty-seven percent.”

“You do all of that stuff so you definitely can use a vacation!” Rainbow Dash says. “You have, what, ten private islands? Let’s go on a two week vacation on one of them.”

“Sixteen islands act as animal sanctuaries and the other twelve are for conservation purposes, strictly no humans allowed.“ Shade corrects her cyan friend.

“Here’s an idea, Rainbow Dash: get a job.” Applejack inputs.

Rainbow Dash visibly recoils at that word. “If i get a job, how can I practice for all the sports I’m in?”

“Yes, Rainbow Dash, a job will be good for you! I am always in need of help at my boutique.”

“And could always use an extra pair of hands on the farm.”

“You would be the perfect guinea pig for an experiment I am working on.”

The table turns to look at Twilight.

Twilight blushes and retreats from the attention. “J-just joking!”

“Riiiiight,” Pinkie Pie draws out.

“Having a job is a normal part of life. You do not want to know how many I have had in my lifetime.” Shade says.

“Actually, I’m curious.” Sunset admits. Six head nod in agreement around the table. “How many jobs have you had?”

Shade quickly flips through her memory. “One hundred and sixty-seven thousand, nine-hundred and ninety-two. The longest job I had was for one thousand, six hundred and eighty-five years. Bounty hunter.”

“But how many of those jobs were different?” Twilight is the first to shake from their stupor and ask.

“Have you ever been a trash collector?” Rainbow Dash inquires.

“Yes.”

“I know you have never been a rodeo clown.” Applejack says with confidence.

“Something similar with bigger creatures that have more teeth and horns.”

“Veterinarian?”

“Yes.”

“Periodontist!” Twilight interjects.

“Yes.”

Twilight frowns.

“Armpit sniffer?”

Everyone turns to give Pinkie Pie varying degrees of looks.

“No.” Shade quickly adds, “And I do not want to.”

“Model?”

“Yes.”

“Spy?” Rainbow Dash says as she leans closer to Shade. Her eyes brimming with curiosity.

“Yes.”

“Awesome!”

Sunset is scrolling through her phone. “Ah ha! Here’s one: Pearl Diver!”

Shade raises her left brow. “Is that an innuendo?”

Fluttershy squeaks and hides her burning face behind her hair. Rarity wields a knowing smile while Sunset casts a questioning glance to everyone at the table.

“What? How?”

“While not done professionally, I have done that.” Shade finally answers.

“Ooh!” Pinkie hoots. “How about a regular clown?”

“No. And do not want to.“

“Aw...” Pinkie frowns.

“Assassin?”

“Always people out there who want others dead and do not want to get their hands dirty.”

“Awesome!”

“Nuclear—“

“Yes,” Shade cuts off Twilight.

Twilight huffs.

“Chicken sexer?”

Shade furrows her brows in thought. “No.”

“Ah ha!” Applejack celebrates.

“Worm wrangler?”

“Do graboids, thresher maws, and sarlacci count?” The questioning looks of confusion speak for the group. “I did not think so. I will give it a shot.”

“Great! I’ll get things ready for ya tomorrow.”

“You should record it for one of your channels!” Rainbow Dash exclaims.

Rarity gasps. “Make a show out of it!”

“Make a show about going around Equestria doing weird jobs?” Shade questions.

“Why stop at Equestria?” Sunset says.

“Yeah! You can go around the world and do weird jobs!” Pinkie adds.

“Dirty jobs!” Applejack inputs. Rarity gags at the thought of getting dirty.

“Dangerous jobs.” Twilight says with a smirk.

Shade rubs her chin as she thinks. “I suppose I can bring awareness to dying professions and have that vacation Rainbow Dash wants.”

“What?” The cyan woman tilts her head.

“Of course all of you are coming with me. I need a crew to help. I can do many things but splitting myself to be in multiple places simultaneously is out of my abilities.”

“I’m in!” Rainbow Dash exclaims.

“Me too!” Pinkie chimes.

“If I can find a replacement volunteer for the shelter, I will join.” Fluttershy says.

“Can I get two weeks of vacation, boss?” Sunset elbows Shade.

“No. This will be part of your job.” She looks to her friends. “I will pay you all as well.”

“I don’t know...” Rarity says as she swipes at the screen of her phone.

“Why don’t you let Coco run the store? It’ll be a great opportunity for her.” Twilight advises. “Oh, and count me in.”

“As your largest investor,” Shade starts, “I will pay for any materials that catch your fancy during our travels. This may also help you learn about different cultures and their clothing style.”

“Deal!” Rarity quickly accepts.

“Very well. I will go to the office and start getting everything in order.”

A growl announces someone’s hunger. Everyone looks at Pinkie. She shakes her head and points a pink finger to the pink hair sinking below the table.

“After lunch.” Shade adds with a smile.