Magister Factotum

“Do I need an introduction?” Yellow eyes stare into the camera from a impassive face. Mud slides off black and red hair leaving a trail of pink worms behind. The pale white face slowly smiles. “As a Jack-of-all-trades, I want to know how to do everything and anything. You will see me journey across the world performing jobs and professions that are not widely known yet play pivotal roles in our society while also learning along the way.”

Shade is laying prone on the ground as she rests behind a sniper rifle. Her forest camo military fatigues blend with the surround woods and grass. She pulls the bolt back on the rifle to load a round and looks at the camera. “Shhh. I am hunting—worms.” She returns her cheek to rest on the stock of the rifle to peer through the scope. “Le gasp! There is one now! It is gigantic!”

Giggling pries Shade away from the scope to see Fluttershy standing next to her. She wears woodland camouflage waders that go up to her chest and a green t-shirt. Fluttershy bends down to pick up the worm dangling off the front of the scope with one of her gloved hands.

Shade clambers to her feet and dusts herself off. “Thank you, Shy, I thought I was a goner.”

“All part of the job.” Fluttershy giggles.

“What are we doing today again?” Shade questions Fluttershy.

The two of them walk along a river bank holding white plastic buckets full of tools and small styrofoam containers. Shade has on waders and now matches Fluttershy.

“Worm charming.” Fluttershy answers.

“Why do you do this?”

“Aside from farming them, this is the only way to gather worms. The worms are used for fishing, for pet food, gardeners and farmers are always demanding them, and its fun!”

“Can confirm that I use worms in my gardens and agricultural farms.” Shade nods. “How do we capture them? I assume calling out for them does not work.”

“Well, that is pretty much what we do.”

Shade stops to stare at Fluttershy, waiting for clarification.

Fluttershy smiles. “All will be revealed in time, grasshopper.” She continues walking and climbs up the embankment to enter the woods.

Shade looks at the camera and mouths the word, “‘Grasshopper?’” She shrugs her shoulders and follows after Fluttershy.

“If I am any insect, I am most definitely a dragonfly.” Shade informs Fluttershy as she stops next to the pink haired woman.

Fluttershy giggles. “This is an area I like to work. Before hunting, one must find the appropriate hunting grounds.” Shade nods. “Moles are the archnemesis of worms. Where you find moles, you will find worms. Worms love damp and humid areas. Looking under logs, thick fallen leaves, and rocks is also great way to find worms. This area has moles, the shade of trees, and since it rained last night, the area is nice and humid.”

Smack!

“Ow!” Rainbow Dash exclaims from behind the camera. “What the hay, Shade?!” The camera swivels around to find a white hand with palm out in front of the lens. The camera focuses on the dead mosquito.

“Saved your life.” Shade replies. She then bends down out of the view of the camera.

Click.

“The repeller only works when it is turned on, Rainbow.” Shade says.

Rainbow Dash gives a lame chuckle. “Whoops?”

“Please be more careful, Rainbow Dash. Froggy Bottom Bogg mosquitoes are known to carriers of Flavivirus, Plasmodium, and other arboviruses.” Fluttershy explains.

“Also round worms. Definitely not the kind of worms you want.” Shade inputs.

“Aren’t all worms round?” Rainbow inquires.

“Nope!” Fluttershy chimes. “There are also flatworms! We are looking for earthworms. This area contains about four different species.” Fluttershy takes out a wooden stake from a bucket and drives it into the moist soil. She picks up a medium size piece of metal with ridges on one side and hammers the stake further in the ground with it. “We are going to call the worms with this wooden stake and rooping iron.”

Fluttershy kneels on the damp earth and begins drawing the rooping iron across the top of the stake creating vibrations in the ground and a loud sound similar to grunting.

“The vibrations caused by this imitates the vibrations of moles tunneling, the natural predators of worms, which drives the worms to flee to the surface since moles do not like to go above ground.”

Shade copies Fluttershy a meter away. “How long do we do this?”

“Until worms come to the surface.”

“As long as it takes, then?”

“Yup!”

Fluttershy and Shade continue to work for a few minutes with the grunting of the rooping iron adding to the ambiance of the surrounding area.

“Fluttershy, care to explain why gardeners and farmers want worms?”

“Well, earthworms are decomposers; they break down larger organic matter into compounds and elements plants need. Their burrowing aerates the soil and bring organic matter from the top soil down directly to the roots of many plants. Their castings provide more nutrients to plants than compost alone.”

“Fascinating.” Shade nods. “Are all earthworms the same?”

“Goodness no! Some worms don’t even burrow which prefer the fallen leaves, some prefer to live closer to the surface down to about ten centimeters, some worms like living between ten and thirty centimeters below the surface, and then others prefer the deep soil below below thirty centimeter. Some don’t even like soil and live in mud. I believe one species of earthworm spends as much of its life in manure as possible.”

They continue to work in silence for the next couple of minutes.

“Can anyone go out and hunt for worms?” Shade inquires.

“In their own property, yes; outside their property, no.” Fluttershy heaves a sigh and wipes the sweat from her brow. She continues to explain, ‘Worm Hunting’ permits are obtained from the Equestrian Parks and Wildlife Department. Then one needs a permit to sell the worms they catch if they wish to do so. The worm hunting permit comes with eight markers to mark your one acre plot to hunt in. A Wildlife Warden can help you with marking your territory. A person can have up to five territories in a park or twenty mile radius. Each additional plot from the first costs one hundred and fifty bits. Permits need to be renewed annually and plots changed biannually. Worms can only be collected in the buckets supplied by the EPWD but you can buy as many as you want. The EPWD will give a full refund for all buckets returned. Each bucket needs to be marked with your name, address, and permit number.”

“How long have you been doing this?”

“Seven years.”

“How much do worms sell for?”

“Stores usually pay a bit per kilogram of worms.”

Shade raises her brows in surprise. “That can add up quickly.”

Fluttershy smiles. “Yup!”

“How many kilos do you usually gather per outing?”

Fluttershy giggles. “Just know that I had no trouble paying for veterinary school, the new car, or my apartment.”

“Secret millionaire Fluttershy, over here,” Shade remarks.

“I have never seen a million bits.” Fluttershy laughs.

“Well, you look at a thirty-seven billion bits every time you look at me.”

Fluttershy snickers. “I see my friend every time I look at you.”

“Thanks, Shy.” Shade smiles.

“Get a room you two,” Rainbow Dash comments from behind the camera.

Fluttershy and Shade look at their cyan friend. “Only if you join us,” they say simultaneously and wink.

The camera falls to the ground and Rainbow Dash’s yelling is heard along with rapid footsteps getting quieter.

“What’s this button do?” Pinkie questions as the camera zooms in on black rubber boots.

“That’s the zoom in button,” Shade says.

“And this button?” The camera zooms out.

“The zoom out button. Pinkie,” the camera swivels up to show Shade’s face, “just point this at me and Fluttershy and do not push any buttons. Okay?”

“Okie-dokie-lokie!” Pinkie chimes and a pink hand holding a thumb up comes into view of the shot.

Shade walks back to where Fluttershy is kneeling on the ground picking up pink worms and depositing them in a bucket.

“Did you find Rainbow Dash?” Fluttershy asks as Shade draw near.

“GPS has her in her studio back at Canterlot City.”

Fluttershy giggles behind a muddy, gloved hand. “She should know we are joking.”

“We were?”

Fluttershy rolls her eyes in good humor. “Anyway,” she lifts up a handful of worms to the camera, “these are Pontoscolex corethrurus. They love this kind of environment. These reproduce parthenogenetically.”

“That’s no fun,” Shade comments as she dumps a handful of worms in a bucket.

“It’s not about ‘fun’, that’s just how they evolved.”

“What does ‘parthenogenetically’ mean? You know, for the viewers.” Pinkie says.

Shade grins. “They do not need to have sex and do not need another mate to reproduce.”

“Yeah, that doesn’t sound fun at all!” Pinkie inputs.

Fluttershy shakes her head. “Once we fill up the buckets and decide we are finished, we need to take them to the Wildlife Ranger outpost to have them weighed and accounted for.”

“Boys and girls, men and women, and everyone in between, we are at the end of the show. Leave a comment, write an email, or send me a letter telling me what you think and drop a suggestion for which job to work on next.” Shade holds a dark red earthworm in both of her hands as it wiggles around. “Oh, this? This is Laurain. Its one of the largest earthworms ever found. It lives here at the Wildlife Warden Outpost behind me. Come and visit Laurain.” Shade lifts the earthworm to the camera. “Or else Laurain will visit you and devour your soil.”

The camera shakes as the camerawoman giggles.

“Until next time.”