A bag of cloth landed on the desk with a rough clatter of jingling metal, its stop allowed to fall open, several coins spilling into view. "Like you asked."

"You're serious then." The bag glowed dimly, swept off the table, coins included. "I will begin then. Understand, there are steps you must take." She puffed up, blowing her mane out of her eyes.

"Yeah, whatever. I can handle it. Just get me what I want. You take this many bits, I better get what I'm asking for."

I didn't know about that. The only gold coin I'd ever touched was in a video game, which I wasn't playing. I was on my bike, pedalling as quickly I could. I was running late, and it was all my own fault. I could have left earlier, but those kids, those stupid kids. I wanted to keep an eye on them. My replacement had arrived, I could have checked out. I probably should have.

Too late to worry about that. I had another job to be at! It wasn't entirely my fault, my two bosses putting my shifts so close together and leaving basically no room between. "Do you wish to be wanted?"

He started. He wasn't wearing a set of headphones, so sudden whispers of ladies in his ear was not what he was expecting. "A steady job, one you take pride in, have mastery in."

That sounded kinda-- He should have been watching where he was going. In that moment of distraction, the wheel of my bike hit the edge of the road, popped up, and I was airborne for just that one sweet moment before it ran right into a pole. The bike stopped, I didn't, at least for another foot, coming down in a dizzy heap.

My vision was swimming, my eyes crossed for a moment until I shook it clear. My bike had seen better days, it'd need a new front wheel. Dang it... I picked myself up, brushing off the dirt that clung where I had come to a skidding halt. I could wheel the bike, barely, and began pushing it towards work, which I still had to be at! A crash that didn't break anything was hardly a good excuse to not show up.

Ah, there it was, the store I called home. Sorta. It was my second job, my 'main' job. It paid a bit better than the coffee shop, and I'd worked there for, what, a few more months? Was that enough to play favorites? I had, despite the validity of it. Locking my battered bike on the rack on the sidewalk, I started to jog inside, wobbling mid-step. Oof, maybe that crash had knocked me harder than I thought. I slowed to a fast walk and got myself inside. "Hey, sorry."

"What are you sorry for?" asked my supervisor, arms crossed. "Get changed." He hiked a thumb towards the back.

Right, uniforms. I had to wear a pin and an apron on duty, which I had neither, coming from the other job as I was. I tied the apron in place and grabbed the-- ow! I'd stuck myself on the pin. Shoot, I was really not in the game... I sucked on the injury lightly and tried again, slowly, getting it into position. "Ta da." Congratulations, I put on a pin. Surely, they will sing tales of my amazing deeds.

I came out into the main lobby, heading for the register to punch in for my shift. What was that? I glanced where I could have sworn I saw a tail, a hairy tail, flicking just as it went around the corner, like someone had a guide pony. Which... wasn't technically impossible. "Huh." That'd be kinda cool, actually, if someone had one of those. Always wanted to see one, in the flesh. They were so much rarer than guide dogs.

Getting through the first set of hours wasn't too bad. I didn't feel dizzy, but I knocked over a few boxes as I helped people or checked things out. I got them back up in a hurry, don't worry! But I still... felt a bit out of place. Maybe my bike hadn't been the only thing to get a little banged for the trip. But there was no time to fuss about that.

Even if work let me go home, I wouldn't be paid. I needed those hours! But, at last, lunch break! Now, of course, being evening time, it wasn't lunch, but we still called it that anyway? It's just a thing. And I gladly retreated back into the break room and crashed onto a chair, wobbling a moment, but, ha, no falling over that time!

There, on the table, a box. Not just a box. I could see through its clear plastic. I could smell it in the air. Someone had brought in a tray of baked goods. "Aw, that was nice." That happened sometimes. I was pretty sure it was a lady co-worker of mine, but she never admitted it, and neither did anyone else.

Still, it had become standard rules. If someone leaves an open box on that table, it was open territory to anyone else. If you wanted your stuff not eaten, well, don't leave it there. Simple! Though, it was one of our boxes. It had our store's logo on it and everything. Maybe it came from our bakery? Extras? Faulty in some tiny way that would annoy a picky customer? Whatever, their loss, my gain!

I popped open the box. Cookies, cake bits, a few big muffins. They all smelled so sweet and tasty! This was one reason among many that I hadn't worked off those pounds. That muffin... I picked it up and turned it slowly. It was oversized, as muffins went, and it smelled... mmm, so good. I couldn't quite place the taste though, which was the oddest part.

Still, I wanted it, and I chomped into it. Mmm, it dissolved perfectly across my tongue. Sweet, hints of chocolate and vanilla, perfectly raised. Why would anyone not sell this? Didn't matter, I was eating it. I lost track of time, devouring that baked treat until I glanced at the clock. Shoot! It was time to check back in. I stuffed the last of the muffin away, in my mouth, and hurried to get back to work.

It was only after I punched back in and got to it that I really thought about it. That muffin had been huge! I shouldn't have eaten that, god. It was nothing but sugar! I normally ate slightly better than that. What had I been thinking? Well, nothing. Bah, that was stupid of me, but it was already done. I turned my attention back to not making a mess.

"Checking out." My boss wasn't there, instead I was informing a shift director. I got a noise of approval, and punched-- oops. I put in the wrong numbers. I swiped my card and tried again, darn it. I saw the number I did wrong. One more--there we go! Free!

I got to push my bike home, wobbling all the way. Poor thing. I'd have to wheel it to a bike store, preferably when it wasn't dark out. Ugh, I was so used to riding that my feet were aching by the time I finished walking home, pushing the bike all the while. I stuffed the bike into the garage and went to collapse. Ugh, what a day.

Kicking off my shoes, I grabbed for my socks and yanked them free, some relief quickly rushing. "Ahhh." I lived alone, so there was nobody around to offend with my smelly feet. Speaking of, had I banged them? My toes were a bit tender as I felt over them, and they didn't want to flex much, like I had a bad cramp? Odd.

"He's waiting for you," spoke a female from nowhere.

He who? "What?"

"Such a good mail pony," she continued, but then went quiet, no other words coming from her that evening.

Which was just as well, since I had no idea what she was going on about, or who she was, or why I was hearing her. "I hit my head," I decided, shaking it as I readied for bed. I had things to do the next day!

The next morning, my feet were still sore. What was up with that?! But I didn't have time to stare at feet. I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth and admiring my long hair. Wait... I didn't have long hair. The ends were tinted too, like someone snuck in and gave me blond highlights. My eyes widened with the surprise, revealing another thing off.

My eyes were golden. Not blue, golden. Bright, wide (still in shock) and not the ones I had gone to sleep with. I could hear papers rustling from that nowhere place. "Oh, Muffins," spoke that voice, the same female. "A perfectly fine mail pony."

Wait, what? "Who are you? What's going on?" I turned quickly. It felt like she was just out of sight, as if I could turn fast enough and get a look at who was talking. "What's going on?!"

"Muffins has blond hair, she always did," counseled the voice. "That's nothing to be upset about."

That... made sense. It shouldn't have, but it did. I knew Muffins. Derpy to some, had blond hair. She also had golden eyes. That was perfectly normal for Muffins, yeah.

I did what people often do in the morning, leaking in a way that would be upsetting to most androids. There was an odd thing though. I felt... strange... down there. How do I even put this? It was like I was... smaller. I'm not the kinda guy that measures that sort of thing, but I think I was a bit smaller, and, uh, don't think too badly for me saying this, but it was more sensitive? Like I could feel every tiny touch even as I just tried to do my business.

Look, at that point, things were odd, and I was considering visiting a doctor. But, well, America, health insurance... I could imagine huge numbers and negative values in my bank account. Ugh, I'd have to tough it through. I wasn't dying. I've faced worse! Besides, it was all dumb and stupid and would go away like most other illnesses and injuries I'd ever faced before. I just had to be a man about it.

Besides, my finances were already tweaked. I had to get a bike fixed. I grabbed my things and hurried out the door. Snatching the bike, I hurried to the bike store just as it opened, perfect! Yes, finally something going just right. "Hey, um, had a bit of an accident."

The bike tech whistled softly, eyeing the bent wheel. "That's a bad one. We'll have to replace it."

"Yeah..." I was pretty sure that'd be the case. "How much?" He quoted me a number that made me wince, but it wasn't out of reach, so I gave the go ahead. "Please, thanks." I brushed my hair out of the way, almost entirely that bright golden color. "I'll be back tomorrow to pick it up." No reason to hurry in the middle of things, I argued to myself.

That handled, I began heading towards the first shift of the day. The coffee shop! Come, get your caffeine hit, or just hang around and be annoying, if you were some dumb kids. They as a group, were my nemesis, but also decent customers, so chasing them off was thoroughly off the menu.

That was work, and I was ready! I pulled on my work clothes and... was I getting pudgy? It fit just a little tighter around my chest area, and it felt a bit scratchy on top of that. Look, world, I know I ate a big sugary snack I shouldn't have, but I couldn't have plumped up that much that quickly. I snorted at the idea and headed out to begin the day's work.

I was still woozy. I mean, not that I was staggering around, pretty sure the boss would have canned me for that. No, it was more like everything was magnetically attracted to me, but only long enough to touch, then gravity took back control, and things ended up on the floor. I dropped coins handing them to customers. I brushed against boxes, which then fell. It was just kind of a messy affair all through, but I fought through it, and they hadn't fired me, so yay?

"Hey." It was one of the girls that came in after me. "I'm here, go on." She gently shooed at me. "You look a little out of it." Had she noticed how many things I'd managed to knock over? Rather than arguing with her, I sheepishly retreated, mumbling a little thanks on the way.

I swapped out back into my usual clothes, which were also tight? The heck. It was tight in some places, thinner in others, and this was a shirt I'd worn plenty of times! What the heck was going on? I had some time between shifts that day, at least. I could get something to eat, mmm.

I walked out of the bakery of my own grocery store, chewing a muffin. Why did I just buy muffins? My normal lunch had way more protein, and way less sugar. I was... enjoying some damn fine muffins. They were pretty good. Did we change the recipe, 'cause, man, it was good.

Two ponies walked past outside. I hurried to see them, but they were gone by the time I got there, and nobody was reacting like anything had happened. Some were wondering what I had hurried for, but I had no good reasons to give them, so I just slowed down, headed for the break room, and ate another damned muffin. It was a good thing they were so tasty...

My vision, it kept getting weird. A headache would come first, then things would go a bit fuzzy. Seated around the table with me were several other ponies, talking to each other, but not noticing me at all. Now, look, I've watched MLP before. Good show, I like it! That didn't mean being surrounded by ponies in my breakroom was normal! "The heck?"

I couldn't hear a word they said, just saw their lips flapping as they talked, laughed, and generally... did pony things? Then they were gone. I was alone again. "You're up on the hour, right?" One of my many managers. When I nodded at him, he returned in kind. "Great, get to work in the aisles and get on restocking."

Restocking, one of the less glamorous jobs, but it also had, generally, less customer interaction, and less ways to mess up, really. Just stack the things, make sure the price is set right, repeat. Simple... "On it!" Well, on the hour, at least. I made sure I had my apron on, button in place, which I was careful about not poking the pin into anything important. Ha, there, on and ready.

The crossed vision, the headaches, they got worse, but I pressed on through the shift. Maybe i should have gone to a doctor? Not on my medical. Not in this country. I wasn't dying. I could make it. I would make it. I just had to do my job. I'd be all the mail mare I could be! Wait, what?

I collapsed into my chair, back at home. It was time to do something smart! And by smart I mean browsing the Internet. That was smart, right? I pulled up a picture of Muffins and brought my hair over to compare. Both were bright, but one was a picture, and one was right there, in the real world. They were similar, but not the same. How could they be the same, one being fake and all.

My feet were stinging. I was quite happy to kick my shoes off, get them free to the air, letting the pain ebb away. "Man..." They felt... stiff, cramped... Meanwhile, the rest of my felt... fatter, pudgier. Nothing I looked up really helped with this, but I had her eyes, and her hair color, basically. That was a thing, right?

It had to go away. It just had to. I had work... I didn't have a day off for another few days out, so, to bed... It had to go away. It just had to, alright? Please...

I was soaring in the sky, the wind gusting through my mane in that perfect way it did when you caught the wind just right. The middle of the air was the best place. You couldn't crash up there, there wasn't anything to get in the way. Yeah, nice long trips, going someplace, carrying something to somepony somewhere. I just had to get it to them, and the trip was half the fun.

Then I woke up, sitting up in bed, breathing hard. I could... feel I didn't have wings. Humans did not have wings, nor flew, as a general rule of thumb. What a strange dream...

I staggered to my feet, which I felt awkward on. Was my wooziness getting worse? It felt like I was walking on tiny stilts. When I hit the bathroom, strange clacks sounded with every step. What? I sat on the toilet and swung up a foot into view.

That was not my foot. That wasn't my foot at all! A thick shell of some rigid stuff went over it, coming down, enclosing my toes, which basically didn't move. I didn't have feet! I... didn't... have feet. What were they? I tapped the strange thing against the floor, listening to the clicks. Hoof. I had a hoof. A hard-ridged hoof. No toes, just a hoof. I was a human with a hoof and that was so not alright.

A tuft of fur ringed around where my ankles should be, where the hoof ran into skin, reaching upwards, but only thinly. I pulled myself up onto uncertain footing, still without any feet, and looked into the mirror. There was a guy with bright blonde hair, all of it, and golden eyes. "What's even going on?" I just had to make it to the weekend. If I made it there, I could go get checked out. Damn the bill. Maybe it was worth it.

"You are a pretty soft mare," whispered the voice. "Muffins."

I did look kinda sorta like her, but I was a guy, and a human, not a mare. "What's going on?!" But the voice didn't reply, just gone. So I did what any wage slave would do, got ready for work. Shoes? They were a loss. My feet did not even start to fit in them.

So, out I went anyway. My feet didn't quite touch the ground, the hard wall around them keeping them up just enough to let me walk briskly towards the bike shop. "Please be done." That would be, at least, one tiny bit of good news. My pants kept chafing, like I had dropped something into them? As soon as I could get a chance without looking to odd, I reached back there. There was a nub, right there, poking out of my bottom. Why did I have a nub? Why was my week going so badly?!

I could go to the hospital. Look, there was one right there. Right. There. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. I had work in twenty minutes. I had to pick up my bike. I had... to keep moving. I swiped my card, twice. It didn't work properly the first time. Why was I so helpless?! Still, paid, signed. "Thanks." I grabbed the bike and headed out.

It was only then that I really thought about it. I should have looked pretty darn odd, clopping around on hooves, but I hadn't been stopped. Well... good! I had to get to work. Thankfully, I'd be doing it on a repaired bike! Pedalling was strange and uncomfortable, the spikes poking my feet past my hoove's walls, but it was working, bless it all, and I was soon at the coffee shop, ready to serve customers.

The shattering sound, glass shards flying. I had dropped a glass. I never dropped glasses. Dropping glasses was something you don't do, if you didn't want to be yelled at. My fingers had gone stiff for just a precious instant, long enough for the glass to go tumbling, hitting the floor, breaking into so many pieces.

I could hear my boss shouting at me from the back, ordering me to do something. I don't even remember what it was. Everything was doubled, my vision going. It was not a good day. I grabbed another glass and quickly made what the customer had asked for. "Sorry about that, don't know what went wrong."

Should I have just said I was getting sick with something I never heard of? Maybe run off to a doctor? Maybe... But I had another shift after that one. I'd have to call out twice, all in one day. I squeezed my eyes shut and took a few breaths. I could make it through the day. I could do it...

The bike ride felt a bit less prickly. My feet, er, frogs? Those hooves were hooves, real hooves, 100% hoof going on there. My frogs were harder, able to withstand the pressure of riding my bike properly. I had hooves, real hooves. My steps on hard surfaces even sounded more like a two legged horse was coming through.

And not a single person noticed, only the things I messed up, they noticed those just fine. Lucky me!

Something was pressing uncomfortably against my pants as I pedaled to a stop. That nub? I already knew it was there, it couldn't be that, right? I laughed under my breath as I got my bike locked into place and hurried in, right to the bathroom, where I could find out more.

It was a tail. There wasn't much else to call it. It even moved, just a little. I had a tail in my pants, and I really shouldn't have. "Alright!" I shouted at the uncaring universe. "I'll go get it looked at..." After the shift. I still had to do that shift, do my part, not get fired...

Of course that wasn't the end of it, of course... I tucked my odd new limb to the side and got my pants back on, but my apron was an odd fit. My chest wasn't puffy anymore. Ha, did you think that was good news? Nope! My chest wasn't on my chest. More of over my ribs, my breasts (yes, we guys have those too) had fallen, and they couldn't get up again, despite my feeble effort to correct the situation. Still, that wasn't stopping me from working, and still, not a single person had commented on me, physically.

They just had complaints when I messed up, when my vision went double, and things began to fall as if by magic, tumbling to the ground just for me to grab up and try to undo the chaos. It felt like I was scooping up sand into a pile, just for it to tumble right back down against no matter how fast I tried, but I was getting work done, slowly.

Ugh, I kept wanting to go to the bathroom, not because I had to... go or anything, but it felt like something was being bothered down there, like my pants were rubbing on something the wrong way, which they were! Stupid tail. Stupid sight. Stupid everything.

My fingers were getting stiffer as the evening went by, slowing me down. It was like I had been out in the cold too long, but they weren't frozen. Perfectly warm, and uncooperative. I could not have been more relieved when the clock struck. It was time to go home. It was time to collapse in bed and pray for it all to go away.

It would go away, right?

Author's Note

Welcome! Poor soul, caught in Fetlock's net and being dragged slowly into machinations he does not understand. This story will be updated at 4k/chapter 2/month. Expect another update next week to catch up with this month. Initiate fun!

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