Author's Note

(returns after like a year)
(updates a porn fic)

Making Arrangements

For several moments, Cheese just sat there in stunned silence, hardly comprehending what he just heard.

“What’s wrong?” Pinkie asked, waving a hoof in front of his eyes.

“Er, nothing.” Cheese cleared his throat and forced a smile. “Discord, huh?”

“Yeah! We’ve messed around a few times before and he’s so much fun in bed! I think you’ll really like him!”

Cheese hasn’t directly interacted with Discord but he’s definitely heard about him. Not to mention, experienced the Equestria-wide chaos that was wreaked when Discord escaped from his stone prison several years ago. Things had become too wild and unpredictable even for his tastes. Spastic weather and day/night cycles throwing off his sleep. Roads turning to soap one moment and making him slip, only to turn into thick pudding and stick his entire body in place while he struggled to get out of it.

Strange and hostile wildlife running around, inanimate objects suddenly gaining legs and attempting to fight ponies… it was all horrible.

Cheese had been relieved to hear that the one behind it was imprisoned back in stone by the Elements of Harmony. Though news of Discord’s later reformation did reach him, he wasn’t sure it would stick. And indeed, Discord ended up working with Tirek and causing yet more harm.

He reportedly regretted it. And there haven’t really been any large Discord-related incidents since. Even so, Cheese wasn’t sure he could be trusted.

Yet here Pinkie was. Not only considering Discord to be a friend, but wanting a threesome with him! And she wanted to involve Cheese!

Cheese was silent as he thought all this through and Pinkie was soon looking concerned again.

“If you’re worried about how big he is, it’s fine, he won’t hurt us! He can be really gentle actually. Though, well.” She put a hoof to her mouth as she giggled. “You know how much I like it rough.”

“Er, yeah. Though, that’s not exactly what I’m worried about.”

“Oh? Then what is it?”

“It’s just…” Cheese sighed. “I’m not sure I trust him.”

“What? Oh come on, he’s a changed, uh… draconequus. He won’t do anything bad.”

“He said he changed before and then the Tirek incident happened, though,” Cheese pointed out.

“True but he feels really bad about that! He admitted he messed up and is never gonna do that again! He values our friendship. He would protect us with his life. And not just me and my best friends, no, he’d protect any pony. He wants to make amends and be a true friend from now on.”

Cheese was still hesitant. “You really want this? To sleep with me… and him?”

“Yeah, it’d be really fun! But… I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. We could invite somepony else. Or just keep things between the two of us.” Pinkie stroked his cheek. “I got all kinds of toys we can play with. I even have a new strap we could try if you like!”

“Oh?” Cheese’s ears perked at that. He chuckled. “Well that all sounds lovely. But if you want to have a threesome with Discord and I, I think we could give it a try.”

Her face lit up. “Really?”

“Really. But uh, maybe give me some time to think about things. Maybe we could go ahead and go get dinner?”

“Sure. I was thinking we can invite Discord over tomorrow anyway. Tonight can be just for the two of us.”

Cheese liked the sound of that. He agreed and they got out of bed, going to the bathroom to shower before heading to dinner.

They chatted lightly about what they’ve both been up to in the past weeks but Cheese’s mind was on tomorrow. What would it be like having Discord in bed? Of course he planned to keep his attention mostly on Pinkie and figured Discord would do the same. But what sorts of kinks might Discord have? What would he sound like, how would he talk? Would he want to mess around with Cheese specifically?

...And what were draconequus genitals even like anyway?

Pinkie could tell her partner was distracted and had a pretty good guess what he was thinking about. She reached across the table to pat one of his hooves. “We really don’t have to invite him,” she said quietly.

“It’s fine, I want to,” Cheese assured her. “Yeah, he has all this dangerous magical power, but you trust him so I’ll trust him. If he makes things fun like you do, I’m sure I’ll be into it.”

“Oh yeah, he’s great. Just you wait. And he’s so open-minded, pretty much anything you can think of, he’ll do. And I mean anything.”

Cheese’s mind flew through several saucy ideas that definitely weren’t appropriate for this family restaurant. He swallowed and gulped down some water.

Their food hasn’t arrived yet so he couldn’t really distract himself with anything else, so he grinned at Pinkie, hoping he wasn’t blushing too much. His face did feel awful hot, though… “Great,” he said. “That sounds wonderful.”

She beamed. Oh, her smile just lit up his whole world. He wanted to make her happy. Even if that meant stepping out of his comfort zone.

“I think I’ll call him after dinner,” Pinkie decided. “We can set up a time for him to come hang out with us tomorrow.”

“Call? You have a phone?”

“Haha, no, I mean I’ll just call his name. If I do that while wanting to see him, he’ll respond! It’s weird, he just has like, this sense that he’s being summoned. Heck, with all the times we said his name I’m sure he’s already aware we’re talking about him.”

“Wow. That’s crazy.”

“Crazy is the perfect word for him.”

Cheese decided to change subject and they talked more about the Canterlot wedding party job. They discussed it until their food arrived, at which point they were mostly quiet while they ate.

Though Cheese had ordered the house salad with a side of rolls, Pinkie was digging into a rather large pasta dish and had already ordered a slice of cake with her meal. He watched her as she ate, amused with how she didn’t bother with any silverware, just diving in with her mouth.

In a place like Canterlot, ponies would turn their noses up at such behavior. But here, it was perfectly common. And personally, Cheese found it cute.

He used a fork to work on his salad, which slowed him down enough that Pinkie was done far before he was.

“Can I have one of those rolls?” she asked.

“Sure, if I can have a bite of your cake,” he replied.

“Deal.” She swiped a roll and stuffed it into her mouth whole. Then she finally grabbed a spoon to cut off a piece of the cake to pass over.

Cheese accepted it and tossed it in his mouth. It was a chocolate cake with a lovely buttercream frosting. “Mm. Pretty good.”

“Mhm!” Pinkie agreed through her mouthful of bread.

“Not as good as your baking, though,” Cheese continued.

She swallowed and then giggled, casually waving a hoof. “Aw.”

“Seriously, you’re gonna have to make me one of your cakes this weekend.”

“No problem!”

As they finished their meals, Pinkie decided to order wine and asked if Cheese wanted anything. He consulted the drink menu and decided on a bottle of ale. He wasn’t much of a drinker but it did help him relax.

They spent another thirty minutes at the restaurant as they had their drinks and finished off their plates. Then they paid the bill and headed out.

Once they were outside, Pinkie led the way over to the park, saying she wanted a bit of privacy. They found an area away from most of the park visitors and lifted her face toward the sky, calling, “Discord! Oh, Discord! Do you have a minute?”

Cheese looked in the direction she was, expecting Discord to appear out of thin air at any moment. When there was no response, he said, “Hm, maybe he’s busy, can you leave a voicemail?”

“The draconequus you have dialed has not set up voicemail,” a voice suddenly said behind Cheese. He nearly jumped out of his coat.

Pinkie, however, laughed and spun to leap at the newcomer, hugging him.

Discord laughed and hugged her back. “Good to see you, Pinkie, my friend!” He set her on her hooves and looked at Cheese. “And who’s this?”

Cheese knew Discord was tall but hadn’t thought he was that tall. Even if Cheese was fully reared up on his hind legs, he would hardly reach Discord’s chest. And then there was the other’s long neck that raised his head high into the air. The size difference was intimidating.

“This is Cheese Sandwich!” Pinkie explained. “I’ve told you about him, he’s a party pony just like me!”

“Oh, the famous Cheese Sandwich!” Discord knelt, lowering his head and offering a hoof- paw. That was a paw being held out, a very lion-like paw. “I’m Discord.”

Cheese was nervous but he reached out so Discord could take his hoof and shake it. “I don’t know about famous,” Cheese said.

“Nonsense, you’re a celebrity! I’ve watched so many of your parties from afar and they always look so fun! And Pinkie’s told me quite a bit about you too. I’ve been eager to meet you.”

“Pinkie told you about me?” Cheese glanced over at Pinkie.

“Yep,” she chirped. “All good things. About us working together to make Rainbow’s birthaversary day extra special. And all our party secrets, and about me helping you out with that business of yours and helping you realize how much you like seeing ponies laugh…”

“Yes, she’s quite fond of you,” Discord said. “And I must say, you seem like quite the interesting character! Weird, if I had to describe you in a word.”

“I get that a lot,” Cheese replied.

“Which is great!” Pinkie declared. “We’re all weird! So yeah, Discord, we have a proposal for you.”

“A proposal?” Discord asked. “What sort of proposal? If it’s for my paw in marriage I’m afraid I must decline, for my one true love is chaos.”

Cheese couldn’t help but smile at that and Pinkie said, “Chaos? Is that your nickname for Fluttershy?”

“Ssh!” Discord frantically shushed her, looking around to make sure Fluttershy wasn’t near. Cheese was surprised to see the other start blushing. Discord quickly tried to laugh off his own behavior. “I mean, haha, what do you mean, Fluttershy? Y-yes, she’s great, but I love her as a friend.”

“Mhm,” Pinkie said, not convinced.

“Really! I’m in a committed relationship with chaos itself. I definitely do not have a crush on my dear friend Fluttershy, of course not, that would be silly.”

“Right.” Pinkie was enjoying teasing the other. “Well, this isn’t a wedding proposal, so don’t worry, you can still marry Fluttershy later. I just wanted to know if you wanna join me and Cheese tomorrow?”

“Join what?” Discord asked.

Pinkie cast a sly look at Cheese, who was starting to feel more confident in Discord’s presence, but he was still cautious. She looked back at her friend. “We wanna have a threesome,” she said bluntly.

Cheese was used to her straightforward attitude about sex but he still grew embarrassed. No one was near them but they were still outside, anyone could wander closer and hear all this.

“Well!” Discord straightened to his full height once more and Cheese nervously scuffed the ground with a hoof. Then he told himself to get a grip. Pinkie was shorter than him but she was totally relaxed next to the tall creature, so he should relax too. Discord stroked his beard as he examined the two of them. Then he leaned back down, meeting Cheese’s eyes. “Pinkie, I know, is totally down for this. But are you prepared?”

“Me? Oh, sure,” Cheese answered. He almost wanted to look away from the other’s intense red eyes. They seemed to stare straight through him. Right into his mind. Wait, could Discord read minds?

“You don’t sound sure,” Discord said. He began stroking Pinkie’s back. “You probably want to make her happy, yes? But if you don’t want this, I won’t do it.”

That was very considerate. Cheese felt bad for judging Discord so harshly earlier. “I want to,” Cheese insisted. “What’s life without taking chances? I’ve never done this sort of thing before, threesomes I mean, so I’m just a little nervous, but I want to try it. I’ll have Pinkie right there. And you seem fun. She told me you’re fun.”

“I’m the king of fun,” Discord replied. “Pinkie and I have gotten up to plenty of mischief together. I would be happy to have you join us.”

“So, have you and her… invited other ponies before?” Cheese asked curiously.

“Sure have,” Pinkie said.

“Oh yes,” Discord confirmed. “Hm, let me think… ohh, right.” He turned to Pinkie with a grin. “You and I had Rainbow that one night, did we not?”

“Yeah! ‘Course, Rainbow really loves her mares, she seemed more interested in me, but she let you have some fun with her.”

“She did! Wasn’t she drunk, though?”

“Ohh yeah, it was the end of an apple cider season, she got some of Applejack’s special hard cider…”

“I’m still not sure about that one, she did consent, right?”

“Yeah, she was into it! We checked with her the next morning, remember? She was totally cool with everything.”

“Yes but it still makes me feel iffy. I would prefer not to have anyone who’s drunk.”

“Understandable. And hm, I know you and I had another threesome, oh who was that…”

Discord snapped his fingers as he remembered. “Twilight.”

“Twilight, of course! Only time I ever slept with her, actually.”

“That so?”

“Yeah, I think she was more interested in you, actually. Kept talking about research. Pft.”

Discord laughed. “I’m still waiting to see if anything about draconequus reproduction suddenly shows up in a scientific article.”

Cheese grew more at ease as the two chatted. They had a very playful energy with each other. It was comfortable. So he spoke up, “Well hey, it’s great that you guys have this kind of bond already. But you’re gonna have to show me the ropes.”

“Literally or metaphorically?” Discord asked. “Because she’s definitely got ropes at her place.”

Pinkie giggled.

“Oh I’m quite familiar. But metaphorically. I wanna have a good time with both of you.”

“Don’t you worry,” Pinkie said. “As long as you go with the flow, things will be great. Don’t overthink it, just trust your instincts. Just like you do when it’s just me and you.”

“Don’t overthink. Right. I can do that.”

“So, when might you be available tomorrow to have fun with us?” Pinkie asked Discord.

“My schedule’s free. Just give me a shout whenever you get started and I’ll be there.”

Pinkie nodded. “Great! Can’t wait to see you.”

“Can’t wait either.” Discord flapped his wings and jumped into the air, but didn’t leave right away, hovering there above them. “Oh, and Cheese?”

Cheese grew nervous again at the devious glint in the other’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“Do make sure you’re well-hydrated tomorrow. Well-hydrated, well-rested, and well-prepared. Because we like it hot and messy.”

Cheese chuckled, briefly digging at the ground again. “O-oh, of course! Yeah, I’ll do that. Can’t wait.”

“This is going to be such a delight.” Discord turned and flew off. Cheese tried to track where he was going but then the other simply vanished, apparently teleporting somewhere.

“Well, it’s settled!” Pinkie began walking back toward Sugarcube Corner. “You ready for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, totally!”

“Thanks so much for keeping an open mind. This’ll be fun, I promise.”

“I’m looking forward to it.”

“Tonight though, why don’t we have a little more fun? You up for playing with my riding crop?”

“Oh man.” Cheese quite liked the crop. “I would love to. But can I choose the safe word?”

“Sure!”

“Okay. Fondue fork.”

Pinkie burst into laughter. “Fondue fork! That just makes me hungry.”

“We just ate.”

“Yeah but be honest, you could totally go for a nice fondue right now, right?”

“Always,” Cheese admitted.

“Heh. Same. Okay, fondue fork it is.” Pinkie broke into a trot once she saw Sugarcube Corner ahead. “Let’s get to it!”

Cheese eagerly trotted after her, looking forward to the rest of the night. He hoped he enjoyed tomorrow just as much.