Star-Kissed: Go Get Laid, Twilight Sparkle!by bronyheatChaptersTwi Vs.Unforeseen ConsequencesLaws were meant to be brokenAre you not entertained?There'll be trouble in town tonight!Twi Vs.Somewhere in the cozy confines of a small bar, a fuzzy blue hoof pounded into a well-worn table. “We need solutions, everypony!” A pink hoof bounced down next to the blue one, vibrating with excitement. “Gotta get that mare some satisfaction!” A white hoof daintily joined the others, doing its best to avoid the questionable stains. “Don’t forget a spot of romance, darling.” An orange hoof suddenly slammed down so hard a few cups toppled over. “Don’t need no frou-frou romance; I’ve got a barrel of the hard stuff!” Lastly a butter-yellow hoof gently slid into place, almost unnoticed. “Well… I just think Twilight needs to go get her brains bucked out.” The rest of the ponies all turned and looked at the slightly drunk pegasus. “Eeep!” Fluttershy eeped adorably, hiding her beet-red face behind her soft wings. The colorful group of mares continued to argue excitedly before a loud voice cut them all off. “Well I think you all need to get the buck out of my bar! We closed 20 minutes ago!” The sun had started to lower on Ponyville as Twilight Sparkle meandered her way back to the crystal tower which sat sparkling in the quickly fading sunlight. The massive tower served as her seat of power, her home. My escape. Twilight thought as she shivered slightly in the cool evening air. The young alicorn’s stressed posture relaxed slightly as she moved deeper into Ponyville’s center. It was ironic, how a town that she’d been so reluctant to settle down in all those years ago was now more homely and comforting to her than her childhood home of Canterlot. She was always welcomed into Ponyville by a flood of the happier memories born here; the adventures, the triumphs, the friendships. Nearly ten years of incredible experiences that had helped turn the anti-social bookworm into Equestria’s appointed, “Princess of Friendship”. She did still have to work on the “being social” aspect from time to time though, especially as of late. But was she really to blame for avoiding her friends and family for these past several weeks? Who could blame her after the things she’d witnessed back in Canterlot? Even Spike, her ever-loyal, dragon assistant had begun to notice her gradual decline back to being a shut-in. She knew he meant well, so it broke her heart to remember how she had exploded at the little dragon this morning. “I SAID NO!” “But Twilight, it’s been over 3 weeks and you haven’t left the castle even once! If you won’t go out with your friends or go see your parents, why not at least go to the Canterlot bookstore?” “You don’t know the things I saw back in Canterlot, Spike.” her face took on a haunted look. The dragon shook his head frustratedly. “No, I don’t because you won’t talk to me or anyone else about it!” he walked over to a nearby table and took up a handful of scrolls. “You never even read or answered back to any of the scrolls Celestia sent you. She’s sent you dozens of letters Twilight! Dozens!” his angered look softened into one of concern. “in all the years I’ve known you, you've never not written back to Princess Celestia. I’m- I’m worried about you, Twilight.” He was met by silence as Twilight Sparkle marched back to her room. Eventually the poor Drake had given up and left later that morning for a weekend-long camping trip with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Despite their argument earlier that day, Twilight had taken Spike’s suggestion to visit Canterlot. She had tried to treat herself to a long, relaxing day of book shopping, but unfortunately the mobs of nobles pressing her for favors or asking her pointed questions about Celestia and Luna’s recent “activities” had made the search miserable. Worse still, she hadn’t even found a new book to read! Now only a few minutes away from the entrance to her home, Twilight did her best to hide her embarrassed face behind a wing as a familiar pegasus stallion suddenly appeared. An out of uniform Silver Bar happily waved to the alicorn as he approached, no doubt heading towards his home on the outskirts of town after a long day on duty. “Princess.” Silver Bar said, giving a small bow as he came to within a polite distance. Twilight pushed down her embarrassment and her wing as she gave a friendly hoof-wave to the handsome stallion. He doesn’t blame you for what happened in Canterlot last month. Twilight thought; repeating the mantra several more times to calm her nerves. “Good evening Silver Bar. How does the guard captain of Ponyville fair this evening?” Twilight focused on keeping her tone and words professional and friendly. “Please just call me Silver, your majesty. And it went well, though Ponyville certainly is a lot more boring without its Princess around.” He gave a sly wink after that last part. Ok. Maybe he still blames me a little. Twilight thought, fighting down a blush. She covered her efforts with a gentle cough, clearing her throat as she awkwardly fluffed her wings in the cold air. “Yes, well I think it’s always nice to return to the quiet life of a small town. I should get back to the castle; I probably have a lot of letters and requests to catch up on.” A cool breeze blew between them, rustling their feathers and fur. Silver Bar’s features downturned slightly at her response, and he gave a curt smile and nod. “Of course your majesty, have a safe and pleasant evening.” with that he continued his short walk home. The princess let out a wistful sigh. She certainly didn’t mean to be so cold to the poor stallion, after all his response during the supposed “Calamity in Canterlot” (as the papers had come to call it) from a few weeks back, had been exemplary. Still, after such a frustrating day, Twilight just wanted to go home and read. Upon reaching the castle, Twilight grunted as she pushed open the heavy wooden doors, only to be hit by a wall of pungent odor. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she slowly started to walk through the spacious castle searching for the source of the offending stench. As she trotted into the expansive throne room the smell grew incredibly thick and somehow familiar, but then the sight before her made her stop in her tracks. Celestia and Chrysalis were currently occupying Twilight’s crystal throne and they certainly weren’t sitting on it. “COME THE BUCK ON!” Twilight shouted angrily, her ears splaying back as she stared at the two entangled rulers. “It’s so good to see you again, Twilight Sparkle, I hope you’ve been doing well!” a happy looking Celestia said as she pulled out of another kiss with Chrysalis. “I suppose with little miss narc here we’re going to have to continue the ‘The Throne and Crown Pound-Down’ someplace else- OOH! Let’s try Hive Behemoth next! We can really rub it in Queen Tyran’s smug face.” “‘Throne and Crown...Pound-Down’?” Twilight couldn’t hide the disgust and incredulity in her voice as she glowered at Chrysalis. Celestia nodded excitedly, leaning to one side of Chrysalis’s lap she lifted a hoof in a spinning motion. “It’s where you go around Equus and try to make love on every throne you can.” She paused seeming to reminisce on a happy memory. “Luna and I got through about 12 kingdoms, but then there was that one incident in Gryphon Stone-” Chrysalis finished for her. “Miss-flanks-a-lot over here, apparently ended up breaking their throne; guess it was made of ancient wood carved generations ago by some gryphon hero.” Celestia let out a cute giggle. “That was you?!” Twilight's voice was shrill, forcing Chrysalis to start massaging her temples with her hooves. “What did I tell you?” Chrysalis gave a disappointed look toward Celestia while pointing a hoof accusingly at Twilight. By this point, the small alicorn was holding a silver bowl in her magic, readying to toss it at Chrysalis’s stupid face. *Flash!* *Clunk!* A bright light and the fading echoes of laughter were all that remained as the now dented bowl missed its target and rolled to the floor. A flustered Twilight stomped upstairs to her bedroom chamber. She certainly was worked up now, and she certainly wasn’t going to open that ‘special box’ underneath her bed to work things out. Even if Spike was out camping with the Crusaders all weekend. Which meant the castle was empty now... With an angry huff, Twilight pulled out her ‘special box’ from beneath her bed and jumped onto the mattress. Levitating the box with her magic she opened it... Only to find the contents of the box had been replaced by a single note that simply read: “IOU” with a little doodle of a smiling changeling underneath. Twilight raised her hooves to the heavens and screamed, “CHRYSAAAALLLLIIIISSSS!” Author's Note So here we go, yet another story set in the Star-Kissed universe. I mean, everyone has their own universe now, right? So I guess mine would be the SKU? Anyway, hope the first chapter didn't drag too much, the pace increases from here, I promise. Unforeseen ConsequencesRarity sang a quiet melody to herself as she continued her work on the stylish toga wrapped around the ponnequin in front of her. The mild, late-winter sun provided just enough light for the intelligent blue eyes as they danced between every small detail while the mare's horn wove intricate magic into the threads of the fabric. At first, the thought of working on something as simple as a toga had dismayed the fashionable unicorn, but togas had become a huge hit with the nobles as of late, as many ancient customs and their accompanying attire had come back in vogue over the last few weeks. *ding!* Rarity’s attention was pulled from her work as the front entrance chimed, signaling a new customer. Clearing her throat Rarity started to sing-song her usual greeting. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique where every garment is chic-” “We know.” Came the simultaneous voices of Applejack and Rainbow Dash; they were both smiling as they entered the shop. Rainbow Dash was energetic and excitable as usual; practically gliding across the room as she approached. What really drew Rarity’s attention however, was Applejack. The normally reserved earth pony was beaming and seemed to be ready to spill something really juicy. Rarity’s ears perked up. “Ah, girls!” Rarity gave a generous smile to the pair. “I assume you two have come here to continue our discussion from last night?” “Well, Rares…” Applejack started with no lack of excitement on her features. “I think we’ve both got a pretty good plan here on who to hook Twilight up wi-” Applejack didn’t get a chance to finish, the unicorn was now scrunched up into her orange muzzle, intense blue eyes locked onto worried green ones. “Tell me!” “We’ll I’ma try-” “Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!” Rarity did cute little hoof-kicks against Applejack’s chest as she begged. The earth pony pushed the space-violating mare back with her strong hooves. “Consarnit Rares, let me finish!” Rarity fidgeted in-place, nearly biting her tongue to keep from squealing. “Anyways, so aye think we got a good stallion for Twi. He’s a solid feller with a good reputation, a supportive family-” “Yeah, anyway, he’s hot, single, and in her area.” Rainbow interrupted, a huge grin on her face now. “More importantly, he’s a wonderbolt!” Rarity was practically swooning at this point. “Oh my, a handsome gentlecolt who’s also famous? Who is this wonderful stallion, fit for our Princess?” Rainbow didn’t even give Applejack a chance to answer this time. “It’s Thunderlane, he’s one of the newer recruits to the Wonderbolts, just like me! Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest proudly at that last statement. Applejack nodded along. “Yep I think they’d make a good pair. So we got Fluttershy to coax Twilight out of the castle for a late lunch at some fancy-like Prench restaurant and we’ll invite-” The impatient pegasus interrupted once more. “So anyway, I got the team to grab him and he’s tied up in the back of a nearby wagon; thinks we’re pranking him.” Rainbow Dash let out a small laugh. Applejack and Rarity suddenly turned towards the amused pegasus. “WHAT?!” they both cried out simultaneously. Thunderland needed to scratch his nose. Despite trying to twist himself every which way like some sort of Las Pegasus contortionist, the flexible Wonderbolt simply couldn’t find the space or purchase to get his bound body closer to his muzzle in the small trunk. Letting out a grunt of frustration, he quickly lifted his head, only to have it smack roughly against the top of the trunk, knocking him out cold. *thunk* The loud noise drew the attention of a patrolling policemare. Eyeing the nearby wagon, Officer Fluffles approached the back trunk where the noise had originated. Placing a hoof on the latch, she began to open it… Just as a fuzzy blue hoof slammed it back into place. “Uh hey… officer, how's it hanging?” A not at all nervous looking Rainbow Dash asked. The earth pony’s eyes narrowed as she observed the suspiciously sweaty pegasus a moment before answering. “Heard a noise from the trunk ma'am. You wouldn’t happen to be transporting any illegal animals or aggressive Everfree flora, would you?” “Psht what? Naaaa….” the prismatic mare waved a hoof dismissively. She was now propped up with her back against the trunk keeping it closed tight. “The only thing illegal here is how awesome I am.” Rainbow flashed one of her signature smiles, hoping to disarm the cute policemare with her charm. Officer Fluffles gave a long, drawn-out sigh. “Alright ma'am, step away from the trunk please.” she drew a magic-infused stun-stick from her belt to emphasize the command. Rainbow Dash put up her front hooves defensively. “Whoa! Hey, no need to get pushy I’ll just slowly-” “APPLEJACK!” Rainbow Dash suddenly shouted. Laws were meant to be brokenApplejack had been a hard-working farm mare for as long as she could remember. Stubborn, loyal, honest; those were her defining traits. She got up, she bucked apples, and she didn’t break the rules. Well, other than her unlicensed, underage-serving cider operation, but that was just good business... Point was, Applejack never found herself on the wrong side of the law. So how did she come to find herself pulling a wagon that was currently fleeing from a small army of police and town guards? “So why can’t we just let ‘em out all quick-like?!” Applejack yelled over the rushing air as she strained to keep the wagon moving faster than the angry posse behind her. Applejack huffed a bit, sounding winded. Despite this, she continued pounding her powerful hooves along the ground, keeping a pace that would have given even the best endurance runner pause. Rainbow Dash had no issues keeping up as she easily flew alongside the wagon, dodging the occasional bystander or corner stand. “I just checked on the dude and he’s out cold. We toss him out now they’re going to think we murdered somepony!” Rainbow Dash shouted back excitedly. “Ok feather-brain, what’s the plan then?!” Applejack snapped back. Rainbow Dash thought for a moment as she flapped her wings to keep pace. “Well, what do we do whenever we normally have a problem we can’t solve?” Applejack couldn’t help but twist her head back as she ran, shooting Rainbow Dash a disapproving glare. “Nu-uh, no way, not like this!” Rainbow Dash strained her wings for a moment, her increased velocity placing her beside Applejack so she could talk more easily. “Well why not? We were going to take him to her anyway!” Meanwhile at the ‘Diamante Grezzo’ Twilight was humming to herself as she read off the incredibly delicious, and expensive sounding dishes on the menu in front of her. Fluttershy had approached her back at the castle with the most heart-attack inducing eyes she could manage and practically begged the alicorn to come to lunch with her. Twilight hadn't lasted long. Now the pegasus sat across from the purple alicorn wearing a nervous look; her wings twitched impatiently as she fidgeted in her seat. Twilight failed to notice her friend’s discomfort, at least until she poked her head up to ask the mare a question. “Ummm, Fluttershy? Is everything alright? You look much more nervous than you usually do.” The yellow pegasus went wide-eyed at the question and seemed to be practically hyper-ventilating now. “M-me? Nervous? No-noooo.” Twilight raised an eyebrow at the unconvincing response. “Well when you first invited me to Diamante Grezzo for lunch, I sort of figured taking a friend to such an expensive place like this meant you had something very important you wanted to discuss.” she paused for a moment studying the quivering mare. “Is this about Discord? He… he hasn’t hurt you has he?” anger began to crawl over Twilight’s features. The change in Fluttershy’s demeanor was whip-lash inducing. “Oh-no! Discord has been nothing but a gentle and sweet draconequus to me!” she was smiling warmly now. “he’s so good with the animals too! He says it's because he’s got all the parts of every animal already.” “Or at least the parts that matter in bed!” Discord elbowed Twilight, the sudden voice and contact causing her to let out an undignified yelp while her wings shot out on reflex; knocking her glass of mineral water over. Twilight let out an angry huff and fixed Discord with a stare as she tried her best to mop up the water. “Why are you here, Discord?” The draconequus dabbled a napkin against his chest, soaking it blood-red. “Oh, you wound me, mon reine.” he paused, letting out an exaggerated sigh. “has our relationship grown so cold, and cruel that we may not even be seen in public together?” Twilight rolled her eyes at his antics. “That’s not what I meant, Discord.” she paused and controlled her breathing for a moment, calming herself. “What are you doing here, at this moment, at this restaurant?” Discord rung out his blood-red napkin into a nearby glass and lifted it to his lips, taking a small sip. After a few moments he returned his gaze to Twilight, his expression was now purely mischievous. “I’m here to observe the chaos, Twiggles.” “Chaos? The only chaos so far is you showing up and knoc-” Before she could finish, absolute bedlam erupted just outside the restaurant's entrance. “Annnd, action!” Are you not entertained?Later that same day An absolutely exhausted looking alicorn stepped outside into the night air lit by a glowing sign that read: “Ponyville Regional Medical Center”. Finding a nearby bench Twilight sat down and placed her head in her hooves. Why has everything in my life been total insanity these past few weeks? First Celestia… and her sister Luna in Canterlot. Then that whole incident with Chrysalis in the Crystal Empire, and then my own throne for buck's sake! And now my friends are trying to get me laid... Do ponies around here only have shagging on the brain?! Twilight let out a long sigh as she continued to think. Her thoughts fled as a dark blue alicorn took a seat next to her. They both sat quietly for a moment on the cold bench before Luna finally broke the silence. “If you wish to talk about it, I will listen. I’ve heard stories about the week you’ve had so far: Mobbed by nobles in Canterlot, Chrysalis and Celestia entwined in passion on your throne, and accidentally wounding an exotic dancer? Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, when you first moved to Ponyville, did you expect your life would be so… entertaining?” Suddenly Luna’s eyes lit up and she shot out a wing pulling a surprised looking Twilight into a hug. “Dearest Twilight, did you hear that?! I went a whole bit without using the royal pronouns!” Twilight recovered quickly. “You did. Those lessons with Fluttershy must be really helping.” she did her best to smile softly up at the Princess of the Night. “I’m proud of you.” “Thank you dearest Twilight, your praise means a great deal to u- to me.” She gripped the wing a bit tighter around the lavender alicorn. “But I did not come here to discuss my lessons, but to see if you have learned one from this most amusing day.” Twilight looked up at Luna with no lack of confusion. “Learn a lesson? What lesson was there to learn? That everyone in Equestria apparently wants to go around bucking each other’s brains out?!” she covered her mouth with a hoof and gasped, “I’m sorry Luna, I didn’t mean to say-” Luna cut her off with a gentle laugh. “Twilight, you witnessed my participation in the, what do they call it now? ‘Calamity in Canterlot’, do you really think uncouth language would have any impact on us?” She suddenly pulled Twilight closer so her head was against the larger alicorn’s chest. “Be calm, Twilight and speak your mind." Twilight blushed as she listened to Luna's powerful heartbeat and relaxed into her soft, warm fur. “I don.. I guess I just don’t understand, well any of it.” Twilight responded truthfully. Luna let out a sigh. “Twilight. The actions of those around you are not a devious plot to destroy your sanity. While Chrysalis and my elder sister have been, shall we say, immature about recent events; these actions have been born out of hearts filled with love and companionship, not malice.” Luna paused for a moment as her horn lit brightly, concentrating in silence she pushed her focus and magic into the moon as it slowly began to rise above the horizon. Once it was in place she nodded satisfactorily and looked back down at the young alicorn. “The point we wish to make is that your friends are worried about you and are trying to help you, not torment you. We- I’ve received at least a few letters from some of your friends talking about how you’ve returned to that isolationism you worked so hard to grow out of these many wonderful years.” Luna gave Twilight a perceptive glance. “I too know the desire to isolate oneself when those around you act upon things you yourself cannot seem to obtain or understand… It leads to dark places.” "But, Luna, its all just been so embarrassing and awkward, and I-" Luna used a free hoof to pull Twilight’s face up to hers. “Twilight Sparkle, get yourself a special somepony, write back to Celestia, and reconnect with your friends. If you don't... I’m locking you in our pleasure dungeon for a week.” “Ple-plea-pleasure dungeon?” The small alicorn sputtered her face now red-hot. Luna laughed at Twilight’s reaction. “Oh indeed! It hasn’t seen use since our return, but I fully intend to open it up again at some point. Seems some ponies around here could use loosening up.” With that the Princess of the Night gently moved Twilight off of her and got to her hooves. She gave a bow to the smaller princess and spread out her wings. “Fare thee well, Twilight Sparkle. We hope to receive a letter soon about your exploits in friendship and love.” And with that Luna took off into the night sky, leaving Twilight alone with her thoughts. Well, buck... There'll be trouble in town tonight!Applejack skidded to a halt, wincing as the momentum of the wagon caused it to roughly bump into her muscular rear. Applejack let out a pained “oomph” as she turned back to see how much distance they’d made between them and the pursuing law enforcement. Not enough. Applejack thought dejectedly. The law was right on their hooves. Thankfully, they’d at least reached their destination, and Applejack quickly unhitched herself from the wagon as she made her way to the trunk to open it. Applejack struggled as she tried to open the now stuck latch. Darnit! Applejack thought to herself as she strained, Rainbow must have busted it when she was checking on the poor stallion. A now panicking Rainbow Dash landed next to Applejack and gripped the sides of the wagon shaking it slightly. Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! she paused almost hyperventilating. “fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Applejack smacked the panicking pegasus out of the way, then turned around and placed her powerful rear hooves against the trunk. Lining up carefully she coiled a leg before kicking it out with a force that could shatter steel. The hardened metal latch exploded, and the trunk lid snapped and went sailing into the air, landing a few yards away. Not wasting any time, Rainbow dove into the trunk like a prismatic blur and emerged with a dazed and confused Thunderlane, then she began to untie him. Moments later the angry mob of authority caught up to them. “Drop the stallion, ma’am.” An irate and winded Officer Fluffles commanded. She was currently flanked by two more officers and a small contingent of town guards wielding fierce looking spears. A nearby mare wailed, “Oh sweet Celestia, they murdered that stallion!” All hell broke loose. Stalls were overturned, flowerbeds were demolished, and carried items were dropped and forgotten as the denizens of Ponyville worked themselves into yet another overblown panic. Several of the town guards broke off from the main group, and attempted to calm the terrified townsponies. As the mayhem unfolded around her, Officer Fluffles took another step forward and growled out, “Ok you two, step back from the stallion and explain yourselves, now!” Rainbow Dash sat the still woozy Thunderlane on his hooves, and despite stumbling a bit he managed to retain his balance. With the small crowd around him the pegasus’s foggy mind assumed he was at a Wonderbolt’s show, so he waved to the group with a dopey grin. Seeing the supposedly dead pegasus waving calmed the panicking onlookers a little. Applejack, ever the Element of Honesty opened her mouth to tell the whole story to the officer... And once again Rainbow Dash cut her off. “Well you see here officer-?” The now exhausted policemare snapped back, “Officer Fluffles.” “Right. Officer Fluffles, this here is uh, Thund-uhhh… Thunder Thighs! He’s an exotic pegasi dancer we hired for a party here!” Rainbow Dash offered a nervous smile. Applejack smacked a hoof into her face hard enough it left a bruise. “Uh-exotic pegasi dancer?” Officer Fluffles asked incredulously. She shook her head and continued, “an exotic pegasi dancer, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of town, performing exclusively in this restaurant?” “Yes.” Surprised by the certainty of the response, Officer Fluffles relaxed a little and even smiled. “Well then, may we stay and watch?” a few of the other nearby guards nodded enthusiastically. “No.” Came Rainbow’s simple response. Several members of the group, including Officer Fluffles looked crestfallen at that. “Well, ok then. You two are odd ponies, but I must say, you at least have good taste in stallions.” she gave a wink to the still dazed Thunderlane before turning around to the group. “Alright everypony, let’s wrap this up here so these paying folk can have their fun.” and with that the group trotted off to calm the rest of the crowd. As the group of guards and police left. Rainbow used her hooves to guide the still uncoordinated Thunderlane to the entrance of Diamante Grezzo. As they reached the entrance the doors suddenly flew open and slammed into Thunderlane, knocking him unconscious once more. He flopped to the ground just as a concerned looking alicorn landed beside him. Chaotic laughter could be heard coming from inside the restaurant. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” Twilight Sparkle looked to be on the verge of tears as she noticed Applejack and Rainbow Dash standing next to her. “Girls! Oh sweet Celestia, who was that? Do you think he’s ok?” Rainbow Dash put a hoof over Twilight’s withers. “Meh, he’s a tough kid.” She used her other hoof to gesture towards the unmoving pegasus. “Twilight Sparkle, meet Thunderlane, your date!” Suddenly confetti shot up all around them and Pinkie Pie rolled into view carrying a banner that read: Congratulations on finally getting a special somepony! Seeing the angry looks around her Pinkie Pie halted her cartwheels. “Yeesh, tough crowd.” Author's Note Did I write this entire story to do another version of that now famous skit? No. Do I loathe myself for writing into my story? Just a little. Entirely worth it though...
Twi Vs.Somewhere in the cozy confines of a small bar, a fuzzy blue hoof pounded into a well-worn table. “We need solutions, everypony!” A pink hoof bounced down next to the blue one, vibrating with excitement. “Gotta get that mare some satisfaction!” A white hoof daintily joined the others, doing its best to avoid the questionable stains. “Don’t forget a spot of romance, darling.” An orange hoof suddenly slammed down so hard a few cups toppled over. “Don’t need no frou-frou romance; I’ve got a barrel of the hard stuff!” Lastly a butter-yellow hoof gently slid into place, almost unnoticed. “Well… I just think Twilight needs to go get her brains bucked out.” The rest of the ponies all turned and looked at the slightly drunk pegasus. “Eeep!” Fluttershy eeped adorably, hiding her beet-red face behind her soft wings. The colorful group of mares continued to argue excitedly before a loud voice cut them all off. “Well I think you all need to get the buck out of my bar! We closed 20 minutes ago!” The sun had started to lower on Ponyville as Twilight Sparkle meandered her way back to the crystal tower which sat sparkling in the quickly fading sunlight. The massive tower served as her seat of power, her home. My escape. Twilight thought as she shivered slightly in the cool evening air. The young alicorn’s stressed posture relaxed slightly as she moved deeper into Ponyville’s center. It was ironic, how a town that she’d been so reluctant to settle down in all those years ago was now more homely and comforting to her than her childhood home of Canterlot. She was always welcomed into Ponyville by a flood of the happier memories born here; the adventures, the triumphs, the friendships. Nearly ten years of incredible experiences that had helped turn the anti-social bookworm into Equestria’s appointed, “Princess of Friendship”. She did still have to work on the “being social” aspect from time to time though, especially as of late. But was she really to blame for avoiding her friends and family for these past several weeks? Who could blame her after the things she’d witnessed back in Canterlot? Even Spike, her ever-loyal, dragon assistant had begun to notice her gradual decline back to being a shut-in. She knew he meant well, so it broke her heart to remember how she had exploded at the little dragon this morning. “I SAID NO!” “But Twilight, it’s been over 3 weeks and you haven’t left the castle even once! If you won’t go out with your friends or go see your parents, why not at least go to the Canterlot bookstore?” “You don’t know the things I saw back in Canterlot, Spike.” her face took on a haunted look. The dragon shook his head frustratedly. “No, I don’t because you won’t talk to me or anyone else about it!” he walked over to a nearby table and took up a handful of scrolls. “You never even read or answered back to any of the scrolls Celestia sent you. She’s sent you dozens of letters Twilight! Dozens!” his angered look softened into one of concern. “in all the years I’ve known you, you've never not written back to Princess Celestia. I’m- I’m worried about you, Twilight.” He was met by silence as Twilight Sparkle marched back to her room. Eventually the poor Drake had given up and left later that morning for a weekend-long camping trip with the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Despite their argument earlier that day, Twilight had taken Spike’s suggestion to visit Canterlot. She had tried to treat herself to a long, relaxing day of book shopping, but unfortunately the mobs of nobles pressing her for favors or asking her pointed questions about Celestia and Luna’s recent “activities” had made the search miserable. Worse still, she hadn’t even found a new book to read! Now only a few minutes away from the entrance to her home, Twilight did her best to hide her embarrassed face behind a wing as a familiar pegasus stallion suddenly appeared. An out of uniform Silver Bar happily waved to the alicorn as he approached, no doubt heading towards his home on the outskirts of town after a long day on duty. “Princess.” Silver Bar said, giving a small bow as he came to within a polite distance. Twilight pushed down her embarrassment and her wing as she gave a friendly hoof-wave to the handsome stallion. He doesn’t blame you for what happened in Canterlot last month. Twilight thought; repeating the mantra several more times to calm her nerves. “Good evening Silver Bar. How does the guard captain of Ponyville fair this evening?” Twilight focused on keeping her tone and words professional and friendly. “Please just call me Silver, your majesty. And it went well, though Ponyville certainly is a lot more boring without its Princess around.” He gave a sly wink after that last part. Ok. Maybe he still blames me a little. Twilight thought, fighting down a blush. She covered her efforts with a gentle cough, clearing her throat as she awkwardly fluffed her wings in the cold air. “Yes, well I think it’s always nice to return to the quiet life of a small town. I should get back to the castle; I probably have a lot of letters and requests to catch up on.” A cool breeze blew between them, rustling their feathers and fur. Silver Bar’s features downturned slightly at her response, and he gave a curt smile and nod. “Of course your majesty, have a safe and pleasant evening.” with that he continued his short walk home. The princess let out a wistful sigh. She certainly didn’t mean to be so cold to the poor stallion, after all his response during the supposed “Calamity in Canterlot” (as the papers had come to call it) from a few weeks back, had been exemplary. Still, after such a frustrating day, Twilight just wanted to go home and read. Upon reaching the castle, Twilight grunted as she pushed open the heavy wooden doors, only to be hit by a wall of pungent odor. Wrinkling her nose in disgust, she slowly started to walk through the spacious castle searching for the source of the offending stench. As she trotted into the expansive throne room the smell grew incredibly thick and somehow familiar, but then the sight before her made her stop in her tracks. Celestia and Chrysalis were currently occupying Twilight’s crystal throne and they certainly weren’t sitting on it. “COME THE BUCK ON!” Twilight shouted angrily, her ears splaying back as she stared at the two entangled rulers. “It’s so good to see you again, Twilight Sparkle, I hope you’ve been doing well!” a happy looking Celestia said as she pulled out of another kiss with Chrysalis. “I suppose with little miss narc here we’re going to have to continue the ‘The Throne and Crown Pound-Down’ someplace else- OOH! Let’s try Hive Behemoth next! We can really rub it in Queen Tyran’s smug face.” “‘Throne and Crown...Pound-Down’?” Twilight couldn’t hide the disgust and incredulity in her voice as she glowered at Chrysalis. Celestia nodded excitedly, leaning to one side of Chrysalis’s lap she lifted a hoof in a spinning motion. “It’s where you go around Equus and try to make love on every throne you can.” She paused seeming to reminisce on a happy memory. “Luna and I got through about 12 kingdoms, but then there was that one incident in Gryphon Stone-” Chrysalis finished for her. “Miss-flanks-a-lot over here, apparently ended up breaking their throne; guess it was made of ancient wood carved generations ago by some gryphon hero.” Celestia let out a cute giggle. “That was you?!” Twilight's voice was shrill, forcing Chrysalis to start massaging her temples with her hooves. “What did I tell you?” Chrysalis gave a disappointed look toward Celestia while pointing a hoof accusingly at Twilight. By this point, the small alicorn was holding a silver bowl in her magic, readying to toss it at Chrysalis’s stupid face. *Flash!* *Clunk!* A bright light and the fading echoes of laughter were all that remained as the now dented bowl missed its target and rolled to the floor. A flustered Twilight stomped upstairs to her bedroom chamber. She certainly was worked up now, and she certainly wasn’t going to open that ‘special box’ underneath her bed to work things out. Even if Spike was out camping with the Crusaders all weekend. Which meant the castle was empty now... With an angry huff, Twilight pulled out her ‘special box’ from beneath her bed and jumped onto the mattress. Levitating the box with her magic she opened it... Only to find the contents of the box had been replaced by a single note that simply read: “IOU” with a little doodle of a smiling changeling underneath. Twilight raised her hooves to the heavens and screamed, “CHRYSAAAALLLLIIIISSSS!” Author's Note So here we go, yet another story set in the Star-Kissed universe. I mean, everyone has their own universe now, right? So I guess mine would be the SKU? Anyway, hope the first chapter didn't drag too much, the pace increases from here, I promise.
Unforeseen ConsequencesRarity sang a quiet melody to herself as she continued her work on the stylish toga wrapped around the ponnequin in front of her. The mild, late-winter sun provided just enough light for the intelligent blue eyes as they danced between every small detail while the mare's horn wove intricate magic into the threads of the fabric. At first, the thought of working on something as simple as a toga had dismayed the fashionable unicorn, but togas had become a huge hit with the nobles as of late, as many ancient customs and their accompanying attire had come back in vogue over the last few weeks. *ding!* Rarity’s attention was pulled from her work as the front entrance chimed, signaling a new customer. Clearing her throat Rarity started to sing-song her usual greeting. “Welcome to Carousel Boutique where every garment is chic-” “We know.” Came the simultaneous voices of Applejack and Rainbow Dash; they were both smiling as they entered the shop. Rainbow Dash was energetic and excitable as usual; practically gliding across the room as she approached. What really drew Rarity’s attention however, was Applejack. The normally reserved earth pony was beaming and seemed to be ready to spill something really juicy. Rarity’s ears perked up. “Ah, girls!” Rarity gave a generous smile to the pair. “I assume you two have come here to continue our discussion from last night?” “Well, Rares…” Applejack started with no lack of excitement on her features. “I think we’ve both got a pretty good plan here on who to hook Twilight up wi-” Applejack didn’t get a chance to finish, the unicorn was now scrunched up into her orange muzzle, intense blue eyes locked onto worried green ones. “Tell me!” “We’ll I’ma try-” “Tell me! Tell me! Tell me!” Rarity did cute little hoof-kicks against Applejack’s chest as she begged. The earth pony pushed the space-violating mare back with her strong hooves. “Consarnit Rares, let me finish!” Rarity fidgeted in-place, nearly biting her tongue to keep from squealing. “Anyways, so aye think we got a good stallion for Twi. He’s a solid feller with a good reputation, a supportive family-” “Yeah, anyway, he’s hot, single, and in her area.” Rainbow interrupted, a huge grin on her face now. “More importantly, he’s a wonderbolt!” Rarity was practically swooning at this point. “Oh my, a handsome gentlecolt who’s also famous? Who is this wonderful stallion, fit for our Princess?” Rainbow didn’t even give Applejack a chance to answer this time. “It’s Thunderlane, he’s one of the newer recruits to the Wonderbolts, just like me! Rainbow Dash puffed out her chest proudly at that last statement. Applejack nodded along. “Yep I think they’d make a good pair. So we got Fluttershy to coax Twilight out of the castle for a late lunch at some fancy-like Prench restaurant and we’ll invite-” The impatient pegasus interrupted once more. “So anyway, I got the team to grab him and he’s tied up in the back of a nearby wagon; thinks we’re pranking him.” Rainbow Dash let out a small laugh. Applejack and Rarity suddenly turned towards the amused pegasus. “WHAT?!” they both cried out simultaneously. Thunderland needed to scratch his nose. Despite trying to twist himself every which way like some sort of Las Pegasus contortionist, the flexible Wonderbolt simply couldn’t find the space or purchase to get his bound body closer to his muzzle in the small trunk. Letting out a grunt of frustration, he quickly lifted his head, only to have it smack roughly against the top of the trunk, knocking him out cold. *thunk* The loud noise drew the attention of a patrolling policemare. Eyeing the nearby wagon, Officer Fluffles approached the back trunk where the noise had originated. Placing a hoof on the latch, she began to open it… Just as a fuzzy blue hoof slammed it back into place. “Uh hey… officer, how's it hanging?” A not at all nervous looking Rainbow Dash asked. The earth pony’s eyes narrowed as she observed the suspiciously sweaty pegasus a moment before answering. “Heard a noise from the trunk ma'am. You wouldn’t happen to be transporting any illegal animals or aggressive Everfree flora, would you?” “Psht what? Naaaa….” the prismatic mare waved a hoof dismissively. She was now propped up with her back against the trunk keeping it closed tight. “The only thing illegal here is how awesome I am.” Rainbow flashed one of her signature smiles, hoping to disarm the cute policemare with her charm. Officer Fluffles gave a long, drawn-out sigh. “Alright ma'am, step away from the trunk please.” she drew a magic-infused stun-stick from her belt to emphasize the command. Rainbow Dash put up her front hooves defensively. “Whoa! Hey, no need to get pushy I’ll just slowly-” “APPLEJACK!” Rainbow Dash suddenly shouted.
Laws were meant to be brokenApplejack had been a hard-working farm mare for as long as she could remember. Stubborn, loyal, honest; those were her defining traits. She got up, she bucked apples, and she didn’t break the rules. Well, other than her unlicensed, underage-serving cider operation, but that was just good business... Point was, Applejack never found herself on the wrong side of the law. So how did she come to find herself pulling a wagon that was currently fleeing from a small army of police and town guards? “So why can’t we just let ‘em out all quick-like?!” Applejack yelled over the rushing air as she strained to keep the wagon moving faster than the angry posse behind her. Applejack huffed a bit, sounding winded. Despite this, she continued pounding her powerful hooves along the ground, keeping a pace that would have given even the best endurance runner pause. Rainbow Dash had no issues keeping up as she easily flew alongside the wagon, dodging the occasional bystander or corner stand. “I just checked on the dude and he’s out cold. We toss him out now they’re going to think we murdered somepony!” Rainbow Dash shouted back excitedly. “Ok feather-brain, what’s the plan then?!” Applejack snapped back. Rainbow Dash thought for a moment as she flapped her wings to keep pace. “Well, what do we do whenever we normally have a problem we can’t solve?” Applejack couldn’t help but twist her head back as she ran, shooting Rainbow Dash a disapproving glare. “Nu-uh, no way, not like this!” Rainbow Dash strained her wings for a moment, her increased velocity placing her beside Applejack so she could talk more easily. “Well why not? We were going to take him to her anyway!” Meanwhile at the ‘Diamante Grezzo’ Twilight was humming to herself as she read off the incredibly delicious, and expensive sounding dishes on the menu in front of her. Fluttershy had approached her back at the castle with the most heart-attack inducing eyes she could manage and practically begged the alicorn to come to lunch with her. Twilight hadn't lasted long. Now the pegasus sat across from the purple alicorn wearing a nervous look; her wings twitched impatiently as she fidgeted in her seat. Twilight failed to notice her friend’s discomfort, at least until she poked her head up to ask the mare a question. “Ummm, Fluttershy? Is everything alright? You look much more nervous than you usually do.” The yellow pegasus went wide-eyed at the question and seemed to be practically hyper-ventilating now. “M-me? Nervous? No-noooo.” Twilight raised an eyebrow at the unconvincing response. “Well when you first invited me to Diamante Grezzo for lunch, I sort of figured taking a friend to such an expensive place like this meant you had something very important you wanted to discuss.” she paused for a moment studying the quivering mare. “Is this about Discord? He… he hasn’t hurt you has he?” anger began to crawl over Twilight’s features. The change in Fluttershy’s demeanor was whip-lash inducing. “Oh-no! Discord has been nothing but a gentle and sweet draconequus to me!” she was smiling warmly now. “he’s so good with the animals too! He says it's because he’s got all the parts of every animal already.” “Or at least the parts that matter in bed!” Discord elbowed Twilight, the sudden voice and contact causing her to let out an undignified yelp while her wings shot out on reflex; knocking her glass of mineral water over. Twilight let out an angry huff and fixed Discord with a stare as she tried her best to mop up the water. “Why are you here, Discord?” The draconequus dabbled a napkin against his chest, soaking it blood-red. “Oh, you wound me, mon reine.” he paused, letting out an exaggerated sigh. “has our relationship grown so cold, and cruel that we may not even be seen in public together?” Twilight rolled her eyes at his antics. “That’s not what I meant, Discord.” she paused and controlled her breathing for a moment, calming herself. “What are you doing here, at this moment, at this restaurant?” Discord rung out his blood-red napkin into a nearby glass and lifted it to his lips, taking a small sip. After a few moments he returned his gaze to Twilight, his expression was now purely mischievous. “I’m here to observe the chaos, Twiggles.” “Chaos? The only chaos so far is you showing up and knoc-” Before she could finish, absolute bedlam erupted just outside the restaurant's entrance. “Annnd, action!”
Are you not entertained?Later that same day An absolutely exhausted looking alicorn stepped outside into the night air lit by a glowing sign that read: “Ponyville Regional Medical Center”. Finding a nearby bench Twilight sat down and placed her head in her hooves. Why has everything in my life been total insanity these past few weeks? First Celestia… and her sister Luna in Canterlot. Then that whole incident with Chrysalis in the Crystal Empire, and then my own throne for buck's sake! And now my friends are trying to get me laid... Do ponies around here only have shagging on the brain?! Twilight let out a long sigh as she continued to think. Her thoughts fled as a dark blue alicorn took a seat next to her. They both sat quietly for a moment on the cold bench before Luna finally broke the silence. “If you wish to talk about it, I will listen. I’ve heard stories about the week you’ve had so far: Mobbed by nobles in Canterlot, Chrysalis and Celestia entwined in passion on your throne, and accidentally wounding an exotic dancer? Tell me, Twilight Sparkle, when you first moved to Ponyville, did you expect your life would be so… entertaining?” Suddenly Luna’s eyes lit up and she shot out a wing pulling a surprised looking Twilight into a hug. “Dearest Twilight, did you hear that?! I went a whole bit without using the royal pronouns!” Twilight recovered quickly. “You did. Those lessons with Fluttershy must be really helping.” she did her best to smile softly up at the Princess of the Night. “I’m proud of you.” “Thank you dearest Twilight, your praise means a great deal to u- to me.” She gripped the wing a bit tighter around the lavender alicorn. “But I did not come here to discuss my lessons, but to see if you have learned one from this most amusing day.” Twilight looked up at Luna with no lack of confusion. “Learn a lesson? What lesson was there to learn? That everyone in Equestria apparently wants to go around bucking each other’s brains out?!” she covered her mouth with a hoof and gasped, “I’m sorry Luna, I didn’t mean to say-” Luna cut her off with a gentle laugh. “Twilight, you witnessed my participation in the, what do they call it now? ‘Calamity in Canterlot’, do you really think uncouth language would have any impact on us?” She suddenly pulled Twilight closer so her head was against the larger alicorn’s chest. “Be calm, Twilight and speak your mind." Twilight blushed as she listened to Luna's powerful heartbeat and relaxed into her soft, warm fur. “I don.. I guess I just don’t understand, well any of it.” Twilight responded truthfully. Luna let out a sigh. “Twilight. The actions of those around you are not a devious plot to destroy your sanity. While Chrysalis and my elder sister have been, shall we say, immature about recent events; these actions have been born out of hearts filled with love and companionship, not malice.” Luna paused for a moment as her horn lit brightly, concentrating in silence she pushed her focus and magic into the moon as it slowly began to rise above the horizon. Once it was in place she nodded satisfactorily and looked back down at the young alicorn. “The point we wish to make is that your friends are worried about you and are trying to help you, not torment you. We- I’ve received at least a few letters from some of your friends talking about how you’ve returned to that isolationism you worked so hard to grow out of these many wonderful years.” Luna gave Twilight a perceptive glance. “I too know the desire to isolate oneself when those around you act upon things you yourself cannot seem to obtain or understand… It leads to dark places.” "But, Luna, its all just been so embarrassing and awkward, and I-" Luna used a free hoof to pull Twilight’s face up to hers. “Twilight Sparkle, get yourself a special somepony, write back to Celestia, and reconnect with your friends. If you don't... I’m locking you in our pleasure dungeon for a week.” “Ple-plea-pleasure dungeon?” The small alicorn sputtered her face now red-hot. Luna laughed at Twilight’s reaction. “Oh indeed! It hasn’t seen use since our return, but I fully intend to open it up again at some point. Seems some ponies around here could use loosening up.” With that the Princess of the Night gently moved Twilight off of her and got to her hooves. She gave a bow to the smaller princess and spread out her wings. “Fare thee well, Twilight Sparkle. We hope to receive a letter soon about your exploits in friendship and love.” And with that Luna took off into the night sky, leaving Twilight alone with her thoughts. Well, buck...
There'll be trouble in town tonight!Applejack skidded to a halt, wincing as the momentum of the wagon caused it to roughly bump into her muscular rear. Applejack let out a pained “oomph” as she turned back to see how much distance they’d made between them and the pursuing law enforcement. Not enough. Applejack thought dejectedly. The law was right on their hooves. Thankfully, they’d at least reached their destination, and Applejack quickly unhitched herself from the wagon as she made her way to the trunk to open it. Applejack struggled as she tried to open the now stuck latch. Darnit! Applejack thought to herself as she strained, Rainbow must have busted it when she was checking on the poor stallion. A now panicking Rainbow Dash landed next to Applejack and gripped the sides of the wagon shaking it slightly. Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Fix it! she paused almost hyperventilating. “fix it! Fix it! Fix it! Applejack smacked the panicking pegasus out of the way, then turned around and placed her powerful rear hooves against the trunk. Lining up carefully she coiled a leg before kicking it out with a force that could shatter steel. The hardened metal latch exploded, and the trunk lid snapped and went sailing into the air, landing a few yards away. Not wasting any time, Rainbow dove into the trunk like a prismatic blur and emerged with a dazed and confused Thunderlane, then she began to untie him. Moments later the angry mob of authority caught up to them. “Drop the stallion, ma’am.” An irate and winded Officer Fluffles commanded. She was currently flanked by two more officers and a small contingent of town guards wielding fierce looking spears. A nearby mare wailed, “Oh sweet Celestia, they murdered that stallion!” All hell broke loose. Stalls were overturned, flowerbeds were demolished, and carried items were dropped and forgotten as the denizens of Ponyville worked themselves into yet another overblown panic. Several of the town guards broke off from the main group, and attempted to calm the terrified townsponies. As the mayhem unfolded around her, Officer Fluffles took another step forward and growled out, “Ok you two, step back from the stallion and explain yourselves, now!” Rainbow Dash sat the still woozy Thunderlane on his hooves, and despite stumbling a bit he managed to retain his balance. With the small crowd around him the pegasus’s foggy mind assumed he was at a Wonderbolt’s show, so he waved to the group with a dopey grin. Seeing the supposedly dead pegasus waving calmed the panicking onlookers a little. Applejack, ever the Element of Honesty opened her mouth to tell the whole story to the officer... And once again Rainbow Dash cut her off. “Well you see here officer-?” The now exhausted policemare snapped back, “Officer Fluffles.” “Right. Officer Fluffles, this here is uh, Thund-uhhh… Thunder Thighs! He’s an exotic pegasi dancer we hired for a party here!” Rainbow Dash offered a nervous smile. Applejack smacked a hoof into her face hard enough it left a bruise. “Uh-exotic pegasi dancer?” Officer Fluffles asked incredulously. She shook her head and continued, “an exotic pegasi dancer, at this time of year, at this time of day, in this part of town, performing exclusively in this restaurant?” “Yes.” Surprised by the certainty of the response, Officer Fluffles relaxed a little and even smiled. “Well then, may we stay and watch?” a few of the other nearby guards nodded enthusiastically. “No.” Came Rainbow’s simple response. Several members of the group, including Officer Fluffles looked crestfallen at that. “Well, ok then. You two are odd ponies, but I must say, you at least have good taste in stallions.” she gave a wink to the still dazed Thunderlane before turning around to the group. “Alright everypony, let’s wrap this up here so these paying folk can have their fun.” and with that the group trotted off to calm the rest of the crowd. As the group of guards and police left. Rainbow used her hooves to guide the still uncoordinated Thunderlane to the entrance of Diamante Grezzo. As they reached the entrance the doors suddenly flew open and slammed into Thunderlane, knocking him unconscious once more. He flopped to the ground just as a concerned looking alicorn landed beside him. Chaotic laughter could be heard coming from inside the restaurant. “Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!” Twilight Sparkle looked to be on the verge of tears as she noticed Applejack and Rainbow Dash standing next to her. “Girls! Oh sweet Celestia, who was that? Do you think he’s ok?” Rainbow Dash put a hoof over Twilight’s withers. “Meh, he’s a tough kid.” She used her other hoof to gesture towards the unmoving pegasus. “Twilight Sparkle, meet Thunderlane, your date!” Suddenly confetti shot up all around them and Pinkie Pie rolled into view carrying a banner that read: Congratulations on finally getting a special somepony! Seeing the angry looks around her Pinkie Pie halted her cartwheels. “Yeesh, tough crowd.” Author's Note Did I write this entire story to do another version of that now famous skit? No. Do I loathe myself for writing into my story? Just a little. Entirely worth it though...
