The otherworldy adventures of Cain and Abel

“Jesus tap dancing Christ it’s hot!” Abel whines as he and Cain trudge past dozens of large, flat rocks and towards the farm house.

“No shit,” Cain agrees, “now let’s quit bitchin’ and get a move on, I’m sure whoever owns this place will let us crash in the barn for a night.”

“And maybe they have food!” Abel adds hopefully.

“Yeah,” Cain mutters as they near the barn, “maybe they do…” He stops for a moment and squints at the barn. “And maybe they have a well and a water pump!” Without waiting for his friend Cain breaks out into a sprint and doesn’t stop until he reaches the light red building. “Thank God!” he cries to the heavens above as he furiously starts to work the water pumps handle up and down. Abel quickly meets his friend and laughs joyously as fresh, clean water spills from the pump.

“Is it cold?” Abel asks.

“Does it really matter?” Cain replies before dunking his entire head underneath the stream of crystal clear liquid.

“I guess not…” Abel sighs and bends down to get a drink.

They kneel there guzzling the lukewarm water and pouring it onto their faces and necks until their thirst is quenched and their warm skin is cooled.

“This is…it’s…” Cain mumbles as he pulls a canteen from his pack and fills it.

“It’s a miracle, a Godsend…” Abel continues.

“And it’s on my land.” A husky voice concludes.

Cain and Abel turn to look at the speaker.

“We didn’t mean to trespass,” Cain begins to explain before even seeing who he is addressing, “but we’ve gone months without any clean water and…” After surviving the zombie apocalypse, fleeing from bandits, sleeping with once famous models, and most recently being blown away by a fat fucking guido Cain had thought he’d seen it all.

He was wrong.

“Where in Equestria have you two been that you couldn’t get clean water,” a light brown pony wearing a black fedora and tie asks, “and where in Equestria are you even from?”

“Equestria?” Abel mouths silently.

“Huh… wha… uhh…” Cain stutters and babbles in shock.

“Did that horse seriously just talk to us?” Abel asks skeptically.

“I… I think he did…” Cain confirms.

“Horse?” the stallion mocks. “I’m no horse, I’m an earth pony.”

“…” Cain fails to speak and instead just stares at the talking animal in front of him.

“What the hell did Tony do to us?” Abel asks right before fainting.

“Abel!” Cain shouts as his friend slumps over and collides with the side of the barn. The brown stallion rushes to Abel’s limp body and supports him until Cain can help.

“Is your friend okay?” The stallion asks.

“Yeah,” Cain murmurs, “yeah I think so. He’s just… shocked I guess.”

“Well I think that we should probably get him inside.” the stallion nods at Abel and then the farmhouse.

Cain grunts affirmatively and slings Abel over his shoulders. “Lead the way man.” He tells the stallion.

Soon the two men and one pony are inside a quaint home and out of the heat for the time being. Cain gently sets Abel down onto a modest couch and takes a seat next to him. The brown stallion stands eye level with the dark skinned man now and speaks again.

“The name’s Clyde by the way,” he introduces himself, “and you are?”

“Uh, just call me Cain.” Cain answers with a bit of hesitation.

“Cain huh?” Clyde smiles softly and nods. “Well it’s a pleasure to meet you Mr. Cain.” He holds a rough, worn hoof out to shake. Cain copies the motion and wraps his fingers around the hard bones that composed Clyde’s single toe.

“Just Cain’s fine,” Cain points at his passed out friend, “and that’s Abel, or at least that’s what I call him.”

“Don’t you know your own friends real name?” Clyde asks curiously.

“Naw,” Cain admits.

“Well how’d you two come to be friends if you don’t even know each other’s names?” Clyde questions.

“I saved his sorry ass from some Z’s awhile back and let him hang with me. When he asked my name I just told him to call me Cain, you know, like the guy from the Bible, and then he joked that if I was Cain he hoped he wasn’t Abel… and I guess we just stuck with those nicknames ever since.” Cain explains.

“Z’s?” Clyde looks confused.

“Nothing you need to worry about,” Cain assures the equine, “I’m sure there aren’t any of ’em around here. Speaking of here, where is here?”

“Here is Equestria o’ course!” a feminine voice rings out from the kitchen.

“My wife; Sue.” Clyde tells Cain. “Come in here and meet our guests, dear.” Cain turns around to look as a pale mare with grey hair and half moon glasses enters the room.

“Oh my!” she shouts, startled by the odd looking creatures sitting and lying on her couch. “Dear Celestia! What are you?”

“Sue, these are our guests,” Clyde scolds his wife, “they’ve been through a good deal and Cain here has informed that they haven’t even had clean water lately.”

“Or any food…” Cain adds.

“Oh my,” Sue smiles sweetly, “I’m so very sorry, I meant no offense. Wait, what do you mean you haven’t had any food or water?”

“We ran out of food last week and the only water available was contaminated rain…” Cain tells her.

“You’re… Oh my… Really?” Sue asks in astonishment.

“Really really.” Cain answers.

“Well then,” Sue says with a huff, “would you and your poor, exhausted friend like to stay here for supper?”

“Absolutly!” Cain immediately accepts. “If that’s okay I mean.” He smiles at Clyde.

“Of course it is,” Clyde pats Cain on the arm, “anypony who is in need shall be cared for by those who can. You two obviously are in need and we’ve plenty of food to give you.”

“Thank you Clyde.” Cain says sincerely.

“What’s going on?” Abel blinks his eyes and asks weakly.

“Weird shit,” Cain tells him, “weird shit man.”