Diary of the Dead

Sunset felt like she’d been run over by the trains that passed their city on a regular basis. It was as if one of the various silent movie villains of the 1920s had tied her to the tracks. Celestia’s mouth moved, and the words spilled out, but they all seemed to be in slow motion. Worse, Sunset’s ears appeared to have gone completely deaf. No matter what her principal told her, it didn’t register. Her auditory systems had been momentarily disconnected, and all she could think about was Fluttershy. The questions she’d thought were answered came flooding into her mind once again. Now, she had to face them. She had no other choice.

It was thus that memories of her dear friend came riding in on the interrogative statements. Like beautiful paintings, they ran through her head, playing with her synapses and gaining footholds in her subconscious. She could barely move, as everything slowed down severely around her. Everything became laser focused on the memories. She saw herself and Fluttershy in various settings, all the while enjoying the wonderful benefits of their friendship. From adventurous outings to quiet moments, the animal lover had been a constant in her life. She truly cared for her, and she found that the solution to her earlier problem regarding death was smacking her in the face.

She suddenly began to cry, and before she knew it, a river had formed. Falling to her knees, she wailed to the ceiling of the principal’s office. She felt Celestia embrace her, but it did nothing to stop the pain. This was more than she could bear. To be more frank, her heart was experiencing a deep hurt. All of her feelings regarding her departed friend were shattered. She saw their friendship hurtling off the cliff of life, smashing to pieces in the abyss below. Her lip quivered as she soaked her teacher’s customary yellowy top. She ground her teeth together, trying desperately to alleviate the horrible feeling of loss. But it would not go. It dug in deeper as she buried her face into Celestia’s shoulder. To the kind faculty member’s credit, she allowed the high school senior to express her emotions as much as she needed to.

She bent her head around the weeping girl, pulling her closer. “It’ll be okay,” she whispered, “sh…”

“How can you say that?” Sunset asked as her grief spilled over, “Fluttershy is dead, and all you can do is sit there and tell me it’ll be okay?! It won’t be okay, damn it! It won’t!”

“Come now,” Celestia said soothingly, “there’s no need for that kind of talk. I know it hurts, Sunset. I’m empathetic to your pain because I’m feeling the same. Fluttershy was a wonderful student, and a terrific friend…not just to you six, but to me as well. Yes, there were times when I had to remind her of our pet policy. But at the same time, her devotion to both creature and person was not to be denied. We must remember her in this manner, Sunset. We cannot remember her with such harshness.”

“But, I can’t!” Sunset wailed, “don’t you see?! She was my punching bag, my scapegoat! I did so many horrible, unforgivable things to her!”

“You changed, my dear student,” Celestia said, “you were so close to her before she passed…and I’m certain she forgave you for everything.”

“She couldn’t have!” Sunset said, scrunching up into a ball, unable to take the hurt anymore, “she just couldn’t…”

Celestia was deeply concerned for the emotional state of her pupil. She sat down beside her and ran her fingers through the fiery mop that spilled in front of her. Feeling the softness reminded her of just how close Fluttershy and Sunset had been. She knew that Sunset, deep down, blamed herself for the kind girl’s demise. No matter if it had been a murder, an accident, or anything else, Sunset felt a devastating sense of self-loathing.

The principal suddenly recalled when, as a girl, her pet goldfish had died. She’d fed it, cared for it, and loved it more than anything. However, fish, much like everything in this world, sadly passed away. She’d been so upset about it that she locked herself in her room and refused to come out. She blamed herself, thinking that, if she had only fed it one more time, it might have lived.

But through her mother’s tender love and her father’s parental wisdom, she’d been softly guided back to the correct path. She realized that, as much as she loved the fish, death was a foregone conclusion. It was then that she learned how to deal with death: by surrounding one’s self with friends and celebrating life, including the one that was lost. So, they held a small funeral for the fish, who was then let free in a small pond near their home.

Now, as an adult, she knew what her weeping student was feeling. Sunset had acted in such a bullying manner for so long, especially to Fluttershy. Now that the naturalist was no more, Sunset was feeling that same hurt that Celestia had felt with the fish. Sunset felt like, if she’d only apologized once more, everything would be alright. Her grief was being espoused in a million different ways, and none of them were good. But thankfully, Celestia also knew what the solution was to the issue.

“Sunset?” She asked as the poor girl stopped quaking.

“Yes?” Sunset responded, looking up with eyes that betrayed a heavy sense of anguish.

“I think you should go see your friends. I know they’re having a small meeting to remember, mourn, and just be together.”

Sunset sniffed and looked down. “I…really don’t feel like it.”

Celestia nodded. “I understand your feelings, I really do. But at the same time, I’ve found that an excellent way to deal with loss is to remember the people who care about you. Fluttershy loved you dearly, Sunset, and she loved her other friends too. I feel that it’s only right for all of you to be together during this troubling time.”

Sunset sniffled again and nodded at Celestia. She rose from the floor and walked out of the office, followed closely by her friend and teacher. But her tears didn’t stop as she stumbled down the hallway, helped along by the kind principal. The way was very blurry, but she managed to get back to the front door. Once there, they parted ways, and Sunset made her way towards Twilight’s home, where Celestia said the gathering was taking place.

I…didn’t even get to say goodbye, she thought as she walked along, not that it would have mattered. I was so horrible to her. I’m not even worthy of weeping at her funeral! I…regret so much. I’m so sorry, Fluttershy. Please…forgive me.