The Baying Moon

Moondancer’s head whipped around like she was a wild mare, sweat flew off her brow. Rover had terrorized her feet for what felt like hours but in reality had been about one. Her screeching laughter had devolved into pathetic pants a while back. The third gem location spell of the day burst from her ringed horn. The area of the magical field swelled through the entire cell and further out of the caves then she could see from her plush chair.

Rover wiped his forehead with one paw the other switching between both her soles, giving neither a break.

Moondancer’s head smacked to the side and her glasses slid down her muzzle ready to fling off at any moment. Rover stopped his vicious victimization of her voluptuous feet and stood up beside her. Moondancer panted hard, desperate to catch her breath. She scrunched up her feet as hard as she could but was still haunted by a phantom tickling sensation. The glow from her horn ring faded out.

Moondancer breath was erratic. “Why me?” She devoured as much air as she could in the momentary break. “I’m, huff, sorry I trespassed, huff, in your territory.” She blathered out, her fiery temper quenched. Her naked eyes looked for any sort of mercy, but even if his face wasn’t blurred she knew there was none.

“We were hired to.”

“Who’d want to do this to me? Was it that that delivery mare from last year who told me my pizza smelled good and I said, ‘You too’ to? I was so embarrassed I slammed the door on her face! I know she must think I’m a freak and hate me. I haven’t been able to order from Pizza Trot since. Please, I’m sorry! I’ll--”

Rover grabbed her muzzle. “Enough! What are you even saying?”

“Sorry.” Moondancer mumbled. “I have social anxiety and sometimes catastrophize. I’m working on it.”

Rover blinked a couple of times.

He shrugged his shoulders. “No matter. What you say not important. So long as you laugh we can find the gems.” Rover slid Moondancer’s glasses snug on her face. “Wouldn’t want to miss any of this, Princess Twilight.”

It was Moondancer’s turn to give a dumbfounded stare.

“You think I’m Twilight?”

“Yes, you are!”

Moondancer’s eyes narrowed — rekindled flames blazed behind them — she snorted.

“No, I’m not.” She said through her clenched jaw. “You’ve locked me in this Celestia-damn thing and tickled me for hours ‘cause you thought I was somepony else!? To put this in words you’d understand, you’re barking up the wrong tree. We don’t even look anything alike!” Moondancer pivoted from annoyance to bitter sarcasm, “Congratulations, brainiac, you captured the wrong mare.”

“Quiet!” Rover throttled his ears. “We won’t be tricked by ponies again! We have your picture.” Rover banged on the cell door and called out. “Fido, Spot, Come! Bring the posters!”

Two trails of dirt sped across the cavern floor and the other two dogs who’d kidnapped Moondancer jumped up into the cell. Each held a few sheets of paper.

Rover slapped a paw over his face. “You’re not supposed to dig into the cells!” He wailed. Fido and Spot looked at their trails. The two sheepishly kicked a little dirt back into them.

Rover snatched the papers from the other Diamond Dogs. He shuffled through them and thrust one in front of Moondancer’s glasses. “This is you, Nerd Pony!”

The paper had Twilight’s picture, name, cutie mark, and address on it as well as copious notes about her magical capabilities, daily routines, shoe size, some very private detailed measurements, and even information about Spike. What concerned her most was the bounty written in bold red on the bottom. It was an obscene amount of the bits. The picture of Twilight stood in stark contrast to the rest of the poster. She looked like she’d just asked if you wanted to be best friends. Moondancer gazed at Twilight’s beautiful violet eyes and radiant smile. She blushed hard. ‘Time and a place!’ She scolded herself.

Moondancer swallowed hard and bit her lip. She struggled to articulate her point in a clear and concise way without any added snark or insults. “Twilight,” She breathed in deep already losing her composure, “is purple.”

The three Diamond Dogs all cocked their heads to the side.

Moondancer’s vibrated in place and her left eye twitched sporadically. “And I’m,” she hissed through gritted teeth, “not!”

Rover looked between to the poster and Moondancer. His eyes ricocheted off of one, to the other, and back again.

Rover clamped his eyes shut and tapped the side of his head trying to remember how he knew this was the right pony. His eyes popped open and he grinned. He pulled Moondancer’s pink knocker ball hair tie off and her mane fell down.

Rover held the poster at arm’s length and lined up Twilight’s head overtop Moondancer’s. He pulled the sheet down; it was a perfect match[3]!

[3] Except for the colors of her coat, hair, and eyes, as well as the mean scowl, shorter horn, taped up glasses, and icy glare.

Rover’s tail wagged and he announced to the others, “See? Same pony!”

“Are you colorblind!?” Moondancer spat like a cobra.

Rover tapped his pointer claws together. His head slumped down and he inspected the floor. Spot and Fido recoiled.

“So rude.” Spot, the shorter one, said.

“Princess pony not very sensitive.” Fido added.

‘No…’ Moondancer thought. ‘Regular dogs aren’t even that type of colorblind.’ Rover fidgeted with the bounty sheet for Twilight. He read it as hard as he could and searched for the clue that would reconcile this dissonance.

“Look I’m sorr--” Moondancer stopped herself. “No wait, no I’m not. Now let me out of this thing! And give me back my hair tie!” Moondancer threw her body around in emphasis. It accomplished nothing save for another harsh tug from her perpetual wedgie. “Gahhh!” Moondancer took several breaths to calm herself.

Rover grabbed a pawful of her mane and wrapped her hair tie back on. It looked like a total mess, much like how she usually wore it.

“Look, let’s just talk this out. You clearly like gems, I’m friends with the real Princess Twilight and I know she’ll pay you any amount of them for my release.” ‘And then lock your mangy hides in Tartarus right after!’

“No!” Spot barked.

“Talking won’t save you.” Fido asserted.

“We have a fix for that after Miss Rarity tricked us.” All three hurried behind her and rummaged through something.

“Twilight’s friend?” Moondancer twisted her head but couldn’t see them. “Whatever you’re doing back there I want you to know I’m not afraid of you monochromatic-vision mutts!” She hoped that sounded braver out loud than it did in her head.

“You should be.” Spot snickered. He ran around to the front of the stocks hiding something from view.

“We’re scary monsters.” Fido flanked her side and wiggled his claws.

“More like super creeps.” Something red blurred past her eyes and was shoved in her mouth. Binds pulled around her muzzle and locked behind her head. She bit down hard.

Squeak

Moondancer’s eyes dropped to the source of the tiny noise. A red rubber bone jutted out from both sides of her mouth. She bit again. Another squeak escaped her gag. ‘A CHEW TOY!’ She screamed in her head. Moondancer went off on a tirade but her squeaks were cut short. Rover reached over her shoulders and rested his paws beneath her armpits. Fido burrowed his claws under her sweater and hovered over her sides. A whirling sound started and Spot popped up behind the stocks. He held up a large disk-shaped soft brush mounted on an electric drill. Moondancer froze in fear.

“Polishes gems and pony feet.” He pulled the trigger and the blue brush spun like a hurricane.

“You’re our precious lil’ pony toy.” Fido grinned.

“Keep laughing so we can find more gems.” Rover scratched behind her ear.

The three Diamond Dogs attacked.

Rover started the train of tickle torture under her arms. Moondancer’s sweater didn’t dilute the effectiveness of his claws but instead fused with them to create an even worse amalgamation. Warm itchy wool bunched up around his knotted claws and twisted, turned, and burned into her armpits. She shrieked and hollered laughter behind the gag. The chew toy squealed every second as Moondancer’s teeth lost their hold to another giggle and chomped back down. She tried to clamp her arms against her sides, but it was a fruitless endeavor and her armpits remained exposed targets.

Rover kept the pace up and painted the area in more sweltering heat. He much preferred digging into a soft pathetic pony instead of the rough boring earth. Her chorus of snickers and yelps were music to his ears rather than the horrid whining sounds ponies usually made. Rover panted in joy above her, his blue tongue hung out, and he watched the null ring begin to shine. He nodded to Fido.

Further down giant paws scoured all of Moondancer’s sides. Fido’s enormous claws were ruthless. They skittered up and down and up and down, again and again. He paced them together for a dozen strokes and then offset one hand’s pattern to keep their victim on her toes[4]. After a minute passed where Moondancer hadn’t let out a boisterous enough cackle for him he swirled his palm around her stomach and a finger pricked her belly button. Moondancer’s stomach jolted forward and she let out a laugh so high pitched only dogs could hear. The three of them chuckled.

[4] Metaphorically speaking, of course

He wanted to push the mare around even more. With one paw Fido claws careened over her stomach and the other reached around and yanked the nerd’s underwear even further up her butt. The cotton stretched and the stitches begged to tear, but both held firm. Moondancer gasped and cursed their durability. She snorted as Rover drew more giddy sounds from her. Fido returned to her sides and raked his claws along them more. He chuckled to himself at the dork’s torment.

Spot pulled the trigger on the drill and its brush whirled fast enough to blow warm air across her abused feet. ‘Where the flying feather did these brain-dead hounds get power tools!’ That would have been the question on Moondancer’s mind if it could process anything other than ceaseless laughter. The runt of the group hovered the spinning brush in front of her soles. He shuffled forward--

A single fiber swept across her left foot. It tickled. It burned. And worse of all, it itched! Moondancer convulsed, her twitch shoved her foot right into the full force of the blue whirlwind. The soft bristles blazed across the balls of her feet. As soon as she yanked her foot back up she needed the area rubbed to normalize the sensation that ran through her foot. Instead, Spot shoved the brush there and scrubbed it. The brush hugged the bottoms of her toes. Moondancer’s laughs were silent. Her head had rolled back and the glow from the horn ring dipped in brightness.

The other slowed the barrage from their claws before she could slip away into unconscious relief. Moondancer, to her own dismay, started to recover from the stimulation overload. Spot let the bush crawl down her foot and it was all Moondancer could think about.

“AHAHA--, squeak, --HAHAH--, squeak, --AHAHA!” The null ring shined brighter. The Diamond Dogs yipped in excitement.

Spot polished both her feet with the power brush, up and down, side to side, and diagonally. Moondancer wiggled her feet but neither could escape the blue nightmare. Her lungs were sore from the nonstop laughter. Spot turned the brush sideways and pushed it in-between her feet. Moondancer screamed in laughter louder than before as the whole lengths of inside edge of her feet were buffeted. Her teeth bit thought her chew toy gag with one final squeak, magic burst out of the horn ring and encompassed everything.

Spot dropped the brush. He, Rover, and Fido all darted around the room and searched for the outline of gems. Some barking made its way up from below the prison cell.

“Big stash?” Spot hoped.

“Yes!” Rover cheered.

The three of them rushed to the cell door and banged on it. The guard dog awoke from off the floor and let them out. The door slammed back shut and Moondancer took the moment of relief to pass out.