The Baying Moon

Moondancer felt something soaking wet run up her cheek.

“Nerd Pony awake?”

Moondancer groaned at the sound of Rover’s voice. Freed, her jaw worked the kinks out of itself from her humiliating gag. She speculated what had wet her face and cringed. Moondancer wrenched an eye open and confirmed her theory as Rover slobbered all over her face again. She shut her eyes.

“Eww.” Moondancer shivered. She then sniffed the air and heaved forward covering her nose. “Oh Celestia, your halitosis is noxious.” Moondancer opened her eyes confused, she’d been unstrapped. Her bare feet were outside of the stocks. Even her underwear was free from its constant wedgie.

“Good, Nerd Pony saying the odd things again. Means she can continue. Nerd Pony made great find! Largest stash of gems yet!” Rover beamed and nuzzled her. “Time to go.”

“You’re letting me go!?”

“Of course not,” Rover chuckled, “Nerd Pony’s laughs found all the gems around here. We need to move to another tunnel.”

Moondancer’s heart dropped. ‘I don’t know if I can survive them tickling me again. I need to get this null ring off so I can escape.’ She flexed her fingers. ‘I just need to distract this dumb dog for one minute.’

“I think you guys may have missed a pocket of gems. I saw their outline way up there.” Moondancer pointed to a random spot on the front half of the ceiling. “It was really faint, I wouldn’t have seen it if I didn’t have my glasses on.”

“Huh?” Rover looked at where Moondancer pointed. He wasn’t sure if they had searched above the cell when the last spell went off. He leapt up, his paws tore into the wall, and he climbed straight up.

Moondancer flinched for a second at the raw strength he displayed. ‘There’s no way I’m letting him get at my feet again.’ Her toes curled at the memory but she wasted no more time. Her hands shot up and gripped the null ring. She squeezed and twisted but it didn’t move. Moondancer redoubled her efforts. Her teeth gnashed and she grasped the ring as hard as she could. She twisted and tugged, but it wouldn’t budge. Her fingers sweated and slipped off of the metal. She yanked her head and flopped onto the floor with a startled yelp. She rolled as she pulled on it one last time. Nothing.

‘Plan B.’ She thought. In front of the door were the paths that the other two Diamond Dogs — Fido and Spot — had entered from.

Moondancer picked her wedgie out as she scampered over the floor to them with no care to how it dirtied her khaki pants and sweater, and honestly it wasn’t like she’d washed it before she left Canterlot anyway. The tunnels they’d dug were still open. ‘Yes! I’ll follow them until I can find a way to sneak out of this Celestia-forsaken place.’

She shimmied into the bigger hole and crawled on her stomach, her tail brushed against the tight ceiling. Her toes sank into the loose dirt as she crawled forward. The floor of the tunnels was mostly dirt. ‘I wonder if they choose to excavate the larger tunnels around spots with veins of dirt and clay since it’s easier to move through. Do they repurpose naturally occurring caverns and pack the floor themselves, or is it something else?’ Moondancer crept along and contemplated the behavioral biology of the Diamond Dogs.

“Hey! Rover said no digging here!”

Moondancer jumped and bumped her head onto the dirt ceiling. It was soft enough to cushion her from any pain. “Sorry,” Moondancer attempted the deepest inflection her voice could go, “I was just collecting additional gems the prisoner discovered. I, ahh, already found an enormous sapphire. Which, fun fact, is actually the same thing as a ruby except for the presence of chromium.”

“Oh, umm, okay…Who’s under there?” The muffled voice questioned.

‘Me and my big nerd mouth!’ “Ahh…” Moondancer panicked. “Lassie!” She blurted out and shrugged to herself. Moondancer waited with baited breath and hoped whoever was above her would let her pass.

Moondancer chanted under her breath, “Please buy it please buy it please buy it please buy it please buy it please buy it pleas--”

A massive paw burst down right in front of her.

“EEP!”

It groped around and found her sweater. Moondancer was hoisted up through the floor and brought eye-to-eye with the guard outside her cell. Her legs swayed above the floor, her body held aloft by the guard dog outside her cell.

“My name’s Lassie.” The guard said coldly.

“Fuck.”

Lassie opened the heavy door with one hand and tossed Moondancer back in.

“Stay!” Lassie ordered and stomped her rear paw hard on the tunnels. They collapsed and she slammed the door shut.

Moondancer picked herself up.

“Nerd Pony telling more lies?”

She shrieked and tumbled back down. She spun her head. Rover stood above her coated in dirt too. Unamused he marched to the alcove in the back and snatched two things from it.

“No more tricks. You’re coming to new cell now!” Rover held out a black leather collar studded with gems. It was the same kind that he, Fido, and Spot wore.

“There’s no way in Tartarus are you putting that on me!” Moondancer stepped backwards but bumped into the door.

“Put on collar or we’ll make the tickling worse.”

“Make me you mangy mu--”

Moondancer yelped and was ripped backwards and upwards into the door. Lassie had reached in-between the bars and wrenched Moondancer’s briefs outside of the cell door. She slid her spear through the leg holes. Lassie let go and Moondancer’s legs gave out from under her. The dazed mare slumped down. The spear caught on the door’s crossbar and Moondancer’s butt dangled well above the floor.

‘Why is it always wedgies?’ Moondancer’s head spun.

Rover slipped the thick collar around her neck and fastened it on. It was tight but not constrictive, almost like a turtleneck sweater a couple sizes too small. Rover unfurled a leash and clipped it to the front of her collar.

“It’s time for your walkies.”

Lassie pulled her spear out and released Moondancer’s hanging wedgie. Rover yanked on the leash and she fell forward on all fours.

“Come Nerd Pony. You’re my pet now!”

Lassie opened the door for them. Moondancer started to lift herself up but Rover stepped on her back and shoved her down.

“Nerd pony will walk like a pet!” He grinned ear to ear. His bare foot hovered over her foot. He trailed his hind claws down her sole. Moondancer squealed and scurried out the door.

Outside her cell Moondancer took a proper look around the rest of her prison. Caverns jutted off in every direction. They seemed excavated at random, rather than any via any planned or optimized strategy. ‘It’s like a labyrinth down here.’ She shivered as they passed a few of mine carts that overflowed with gems. ‘Did they find all of those just from tickling me? How many more could they possibly need?’

Rover tugged and led her down a narrow tunnel. Moondancer crawled along. Halfway down a shaft she squeezed her thighs together and her cheeks grew red.

“Umm… Rover?” She started.

“Nerdy Pony will call me Master!”

“I am not callin--”

Rover jerked her leash hard. Moondancer slipped and fell. Face in the dirt she fumed.

“Master…” She bit back the bile on her tongue to focus on her immediate issue. “I need to use the restroom.” ‘If they tickle me again there’s no way I can hold it. I am NOT wetting myself in front of these freaks.’

“Over here.” Rover snickered. He pulled Moondancer towards a large stalagmite. “Go.”

“You can’t be serious.” Moondancer’s wide eyes snapped between the rock and Rover’s stupid grin.

“Like we told Captain Pony, no plumbing down here. You go now or we take her advice.”

“Who’s this captain, and…” Moondancer looked at the stalagmite again, “what was her advice?”

“Pony who gave us gem ring. She said put on a unicorn and they’d find all the gems for us!” Rover was giddy. “She was right! She also said we’d even be given Miss Rarity to keep if we helped capture any of you six. Make Miss Rarity and her friends pay for stealing our gems. And you, Princess, she said she pay the most for.”

“I see… Did she tell you her name?” Moondancer asked cautiously. “And what kind of pony did you say she was again?”

“Pony was Captain something, and she was the flying kind.” Rover waved his paw and rolled his eyes.

Moondancer nodded, a studious look on her face.

“Go now or we’ll do what she said and just put you in the diapers!”

“WHAT!” Moondancer threw herself backwards in shock.

“Captain said if we put unicorn in diapers we never have to take her for walkies and can tickle non-stop. But that not good for pets. They should be exercised. But if pet doesn’t go, we will put them on you.”

“I’ll go, I’ll go!” Moondancer sulked behind the rock. “Please don’t watch.” Her cheeks erupted in blush.

“Fine.” Rover groaned and turned around.

The sound of Moondancer’s zipper shook the walls, at least to her it did. She did her business, zipped her pants, and darted back around to Rover’s feet.

“Pet can have walkies after she finds enough gems.” Rover leaned in close to her. “But if she misbehaves, we put her in the padding and tickle her nonstop.”

Moondancer shook her head. Suddenly wedgies didn’t seem so bad. She followed much closer beside Rover. They travelled down a few more tunnels, the slope of some descended further down into the cave system. ‘Spelunking is at least better than the tickling.’ Rover led her into a wide room and stopped. Moondancer looked around but the room was barren. No tickle chair, no stocks, no power tools —‘Thank Celestia’ —, and no cell door.

“This one will work.” Rover popped his head out and howled into the caverns. Moondancer stood up and peeked past Rover’s side.

Sound thundered down tunnel they came from. Small rocks and clomps of dirt dropped down. The earthquake came into view. Four guard dogs barreled through the tunnel, they carried the chair Moondancer had been imprisoned in like frenzied pallbearers. ‘I almost wish it was a coffin.’ Moondancer and Rover leapt out of the small archway as the guards rushed in. They spun the chair to face out towards the room’s exit and let go. It crashed into the floor, the stone base bit into the earth. Moondancer flinched. Her red Converse swayed back and forth from the stocks and mocked her with unobtainable protection.

The next dog in placed two bowls in front of Moondancer. One filled with water and other kibble mixed with fruits — apple slices, blueberries, and pomegranates.

“Nerd Pony hungry?” Rover asked.

“No.” Moondancer smoldered as her stomach rumbled.

A half dozen more Diamond Dogs trailed behind and hauled in small crates. Moondancer spied the gem polisher sticking out of one and shuttered. Fido and Spot lagged behind. Fido carried her telescope in his arms.

“Be careful with that!” Moondancer shouted.

“Huh?” Fido stopped in his tracks and Spot smacked into him. Fido didn’t budge but Spot spilled his crate. A lot of the supplies Moondancer brought to her campsite tumbled out including her library books and tape recorder. Moondancer’s eyes snapped open. She leapt towards her belongings, her leash slipped from Rover’s paw. She brushed the dirt off of the books and stacked them in a loving pile with the tape recorder on top.

“Please Diamond Dogs!” Moondancer pleaded. “I’ll do anything you say, just please return my books to the library. I’ve never had an overdue book once in my life. If you’re going to keep me trapped in these caves, torturing me beneath Ponyville’s forest outskirts, then I can’t return them myself. Please, I can’t even teleport them back because of the null ring you put on me and I couldn’t bare it if I lost my second place Best Book Borrower status.” She clasped her hands and gave Rover the biggest puppy dog eyes she could muster.

Rover shielded his eyes and turned his head but the mare’s watery stare pierced through his mediocre defense. Moondancer turned her weaponized eyes onto all the other Diamond Dogs in the room. Fido propped Moondancer’s telescope in the corner with extreme care. Spot shoved his head into the ground to avoid her pitiful gaze. The guards whimpered and looked to Rover.

“Pleeeeeeeeeease!” She pitched her voice higher the longer she held on the word.

“Alright!” Rover screeched, squeezing his ears. “Just stop whining! …Complaining? …Whining…” He shook his head. “Get in the chair and we’ll return your books!”

“Thank you!” Moondancer shouted as she clicked the stop button on her tape recorder. “All you have to do is drop them off at Ponyville’s library; it’s in the giant crystal tree-castle thing. You couldn’t miss it from the moon.”

She hoisted up the stack of books and tape recorder and held them out to Rover. He took them and looked at the pile with disdain.

“Now Nerd Pony gets back into the chair.”

Moondancer shot the bondage seat a quick glance. She closed her eyes and gulped. She put on a brave face, stepped up to it, and sat down.

“So you’ll all strap me in?” Moondancer held her arms up ready to be shoved around.

“Yes, but first, Nerd Pony needs to also get her underwear ready, by herself.” Fido cackled across the room.

“ARE YOU SERIOUS!?”

“Nerd Pony gets in chair right or we bury her books in deepest hole.” Rover threatened.

Moondancer grumbled but reached her hands behind her back. ‘Nopony knows I’m even out here; I can’t risk them not bringing my tape recorder to Twi.’ Her hand crawled down the stretched briefs she had tucked back in minutes ago. ‘First time ever giving one of these, figures I’d also be the one receiving it.’ Moondancer gripped and yanked up hard. She winched and gritted her teeth. She tugged her underwear a few more times to ensure that her self-wedgie would be sufficient for her captors. Her eyes snapped open as she felt the cool leather straps being feed though her exposed leg holes. Several paws moved her into her previous position in the chair. The last straps were pulled taut and buckled and her leash unclipped. Moondancer’s feet were gingerly lifted and set into the stocks. Fido slammed shut the top half like a book and locked it. Moondancer tested her bindings. Just like last time she was unable do anything except make her wedgie worse.

“Good pet.”

Moondancer’s fist twitched in her cuff. She eyed the books and tape recorder still in Rover’s greasy paws and grumbled.

“Bewlay, take these to pony’s crystal castle. Don’t get seen.” Rover shoved the pile into a confused guard’s chest plate. He ambled out of the cell along with the other guard dogs, leaving Moondancer alone with Rover, Fido, and Spot. “Don’t damage them!” Moondancer called out after him.

A scrapping sound approached. Lassie appeared in the archway lugging the cell door with her. A deep path trailed it all the way up the tunnel from the last cell. She slammed the door against the opening and raised her gorilla sized fist up. She punched the hinge’s bolts into the wall one by one. Moondancer and the other three dogs flinched as each impact shook the room. Small debris fell from the ceiling. ‘If I’m lucky a stalactite will fall and crush them.’ There were no stalactites to fall however. Lassie secured the door in place, yawned, and curled up beside it.

“That was excessive.” Moondancer quipped.