Author's Note

Surprise! Longest chapter yet!

Hope you enjoy!
Have a wonderful day/night

10 Apologies & Confessions

Things are warm, very warm. A cascading light shines over my face along the feeling of something tucked beside me. Opening one eye my vision is assaulted by the brightness, I squint to gain focus. Sunlight shines from the bedroom window, the Everfree forest beyond the yard just outside. I’m distracted by the sound of breathing, looking over to be greeted by a large amount of Pink pony. Pinkie remained attached to my side throughout the night, finally succumbing to her own exhaustion. Last nights memories come flooding back with a vengeance, almost like a hangover flushing over me. I feel the bile rise to my throat as I clamp up, closing my eyes hoping to see a different situation when I look again, that last nights events were only a nightmare.

Disappointed in the consistency of my surroundings after opening my eyes once more I contemplate wether or not this life is worth fighting for. Seemingly the only way to remove myself from this present would be to end it here and now but, I don’t have the resolve to commit on such thoughts. I settle for snuggling deeper into my blankets, my arm wrapped around Pinkies waist.

It’s at this point I recall my dream from last night, one that is sure to bring future issues.

It’s Nightmare Night again, I glance around to see a familiar surrounding. Ponies move around me as if I’m not there, my current location the middle of a flow of party goers in both directions. Avoiding the traffic, I walk to the side and turn back to find out more about my whereabouts. Unlike my actual experience last night, there is no Pinkie to be found, at least anywhere near here. I start walking to see if I can find any familiar faces. All of the same events and even certain moments that occurred during the night were the exact same, like a replica of my day only without any of the girls. Spotting the same spot where me and Pinkie split up, I use the landmark to make it back to where I was assaulted.

Moving around the shrubbery, I’m surprised to see no evidence of anypony being here recently. Silence comes over the party, the once loud and enthusiastic crowd now vanished behind me.

“Yer here again huh? You must be really dumb to come back after what happened... maybe it’s because you enjoyed it. Maybe your looking for more?” The disgusting disguised pony speaks in a sultry tone.

Behind her stand the elements, their expressions unaware of the surroundings. They speak to one another happily, like some sort of group discussion however, none of the words they speak reach my ears. My attacker now latches me to the ground to the very same spot only now with the presence of the girls.

“What makes you think they even cared to look for you? Honestly we weren’t even that far away from your pink friend, the ‘element of laughter’, if she really cared she would’ve found us in no time”

I look over to the girls, shouting for some sort of reaction. My shouts fall on deaf ears, unaware of my demise just feet away. Although I’ve realized this is a dream at this point, I still do not wish to experience that all over again, hoping for Luna’s assistance.

“And that stupid princess left you too! I mean if she jus stayed with ya for a little longer maybe you wouldn’t be in this mess. Too bad though, some things are just meant to happen” She giggles.

I’m filled with dread, prepared to relive the torture all over again. Closing my eyes I wait for the contact.

“BEGONE FROM THOU’S DREAMS! FOREVER VANISH INTO THE ABYSS THAT IS TARTARUS” A booming voice echoes into my ears, it’s bellowing power felt in my bones.

Thank god

I peak to see the cause, my hero none other than princess Luna herself. She swoops down removing the scenery around me, changing things into a location I haven’t seen but one other time. It’s a replica of Luna’s bed chambers within the dreamscape, her magic distorting the world around us in seconds. My hands are unbound and the shrouded mare is gone, along with the elements as well.

The walls are made from large blocks of stone, pillars of wood segregated along the wall providing support to the room. Above hang a large chandelier coated with melted wax and candles, it’s chain held up from the over hanging support beams that reach across the ceiling. Warmth radiates into my side causing me to check for the disturbance, a large fireplace built into the wall, towering up into the ceiling. I notice I’m near the two chairs we sat in the first time we met, currently sitting on the floor between them. It’s surface is wooden and hard, clearly aged from several years of use.

“Come, we must speak” The voice comes from Luna, she sits atop her bed patting the bedsheet beside her. She gives off a serious tone, I gulp in anticipation as I move over to sit.

Her bed is surrounded by a carpet that matches her coat, covering the floor beneath and an area around the bed as well. I sit next to Luna, sinking in to the bed, it’s cushion much more luxurious than my own. Besides its soft feel, the top blanket matches her coat as well yet in carries splotches of darker blueish purple like the area around her cutie mark, along with the half crescent moon.

I meet Luna’s eyes prepared to listen to what she has to say. “Little as we saw, your nightmare bothers us. What is it that occurred after our departure? We did not see thou after our talk”

I cannot let her know what happened

“Um... I sorta got lost on the way back, I think I might’ve missed a turn or something so I just walked til I saw something familiar. By then I figured it was too late to go back so I just headed on back home” I give a fake smile.

Luna stares at me with a stern glare, eyes piercing through me. “Is that all?” I nod yes. Luna turns away from me pulling a small picture frame from the nearby dresser with her magic, holding it in front of her so that I can see as well.

It’s a picture of two younger looking versions of the monarch sisters, both dressed in opposite colors of that they are. Luna draped in white with Celestia in black, the background some small town somewhat familiar to that of Ponyville. Luna’s face draws into a smile as she looks over the image, turning its face to me so that I can get a better look.

“Tis before everything, our leadership, our banishment. Me and Celly were just fillies, and do you see that town behind you? That was canterlot although you haven’t seen it now have you?” I shake my head no. “Much different, we never knew what it would come to be”

I tilt my head confused, why show me this? “I don’t understand, why are you showing me this? I don’t mean to be rude or anything just... I thought you were going to tell me something”

“Ah yes..... thou know that one’s experience within the dreamscape can only be replicated from experience in reality? I’ve lived over thousands of years and I will tell you now that it is very unwise to lie with me” I gulp.

“Heh... yea you sister said the same thing once”

“We will ask once more. What occurred after our leave? And who was that manifestation of?”

I’m very nervous now, unsure what to say. My hands become clammy and each inhale becomes more constricted than the next. I frantically look around the room as I try to come up with an excuse. “I um... t-they’re...” I stutter.

“A pony from the party? Perhaps one you might have bumped into?” Luna bails me out without realizing.

“Something like that, I don’t really remember her so...” I quickly close my mouth realizing my slip up.

“Thou knows the ponies gender no? Surely you must remember something, some sort of conversation” She starts to close in on my secret, slowly peeling away at my shitty defenses.

I scratch my neck, “In my dream she spoke, sounded feminine so I’m just guessing really. Could my mind remember a ponies voice like that even if I never talked to them directly?”

I manage to lower some of Luna’s suspicion but, only for a moment. “We would believe so, yes. Rather strange however, to see that pony as the bane of your dream if it were only happenstance, perhaps there is still something you are not telling me?”

We sit there for a few seconds in silence before I let out a large sigh, “I appreciate you bailing me out of that nightmare, I really do but, I don’t like being interrogated by my own friend. Do you mind talking about this another time?”

Luna is taken back at what I say, giving a sympathetic look. “I’m sorry for prying” then falls back onto her bed belly up, “We are truly sorry Joey, we only worry about you. We still expect some sort of explanation next time we meet”

Falling on my back with her, I look over at the night princess soaking in her appearance. She rather elegant, taking the term royal to heart as she seems almost sparkling at times. Although at other times she seems like a normal mare, just confused like rest of us. Weirdly enough I kinda appreciate the fact we can relate in some way even if it’s our shared lack of confidence.

“Thanks” I say, surprising Luna in the process. “Even though I said earlier that I appreciate your help I feel like my sentiment wasn’t really all there so... thank you. Your are a really great friend Lulu”

Luna smiles at my words, “Your welcome, and you are a good friend as well. If not for thou’s pep talk we wouldn’t have realized the ponies love for us” Luna flips to face me, “Thank you” and reaches out to hug me.

Internally I’m fucking screaming from this whole situation, Luna looking so cute and also having to touch anypony after the whole fiasco last night has me rattled. Swallowing down the fear by rationally concluding that Luna would not harm me, I scoot closer to complete the hug. She’s able to fully wrap me up with her hooves, even wrapping me with the one wing that is not pinned under her weight. It’s an unfamiliar feeling since most ponies are much smaller. While embraced Luna’s scent is overwhelming, a common theme with each pony I get close to. It’s something along the lines of blackberry with hints of lavender, rather wonderful to helping me relax. I’m still uncomfortable but wouldn’t let her know, my lip trembling at the contact.

Luna pulls away with the smallest tinge of blush, “We should get back to our job, we’ve spent a little longer than expected”

I can’t help but smile like an idiot, “Be safe out there in those nightmares, you never know”

Luna giggles, “We shall, goodnight Joey. We look forward to our next meeting” I wave goodbye as she leaves the room, causing the surroundings to fade away into darkness.

“Be safe? What the hell was I saying?” I mumble to myself. Rolling over I let go of Pinkie, her body heat becoming too much for me.

Luna expects an answer the next time I run into her, I have to figure something out by then

Through a crack in the blinds, the suns rays peak through, streaking across my face. Squinting I turn back around to be nose to nose with Pinkie, her eyes wide open. Startled I move my head back opening my eyes fully.

“When’d you wake up?” I sound hoarse.

“Um... around 10 minutes ago!” Her voice a little too loud.

“Alright easy with the voice... wait don’t you have work, what are you still doing here?”

“Oh I went in earlier while you were sleeping to say I need the day off, the Cakes are super understanding and were like ‘sure Pinkie, you have a bunch of days off you never use’ and I was like ‘cause I love it here!’ and then-“

“Okay I get it, they’re cool” They sound a lot better than any of the bosses I’ve worked with. I lay on my back with my arms behind my head, pulling the covers down a little to help with the heat.

I’d fallen asleep last night with my pajamas still on, my usual sleep wear being just my boxers. The heat of the blankets combined with Pinkie is a little too much, making me sweat some but, I’m too lazy to get up. It’s at this point I realize what Pinkie had said earlier, that she was awake before me.

“Hey why didn’t you say you were awake earlier?”

Pinkie giggles, “Cause you would have stopped hugging me!” She’s probably right.

“Well you cuddled me all night so you should be recharged already” I grumble turning away from her on my side.

Pinkie climbs on top of me resting her hoofs over my torso. “But I had to get up really really early to tell the Cakes I couldn’t come in and that was a lot of energy! I think I need some more if I’m going to survive honestly!”

Too tired to argue I flip around trapping her with a surprise hug, she squeaks, quickly relaxing into my embrace with a satisfied hum. I’m incredibly hot and probably smell, specially for a ponies nose.

“Sorry if I stink, I’m not used to wearing this much when I go to bed”

“Just take off your clothes then silly”

“Me and you both know that’s not happening”

“What if I.... take them off for you!” She flips over out of my grasp and bites my shirt, pulling it toward my head.

Even though I know it’s Pinkie and where I am, I can’t stop myself from beginning to panic. Her pulling at my shirt brings back suppressed memories from last night, causing me to quickly rip my shirt back and move away. Our sudden separation allows me to notice that I’m hyperventilating, placing a hand to my chest as if it could stop the painful throb that now consists. Pinkie's face shows her shock then twists to a more concerning gaze, moving back toward me in question.

"What's wrong?" I shake my head in protest to her question, unwilling to answer.

"I can't tell... you, its just... fuck!" I shout while grabbing handfuls of my hair.

"Does this have to do with last night? What happened Joey, I promise... Pinkie promise I wont tell anypony!"

Visually I'm in thought, clearly disturbed by what's going on, my eyes pacing back and forth across the room. Mentally debating with my options makes my condition worsen, my lungs now feeling constrained causing me to close my eyes. Still atop the bed I'm curled up into my own arms, now breaking down in front of Pinkie. It's not something that hasn't happened before but, still embarrassing each time. Doing what she normally does in this situation, Pinkie moves over to hug my side as best she can given the size difference.

"I'm sorry Joey, I shouldn't pressure you" Slowly stroking my back as she speaks. I let her continue for a few minutes before I feel calm.

Now settled, I lay back down into the bed with an overall feeling of heaviness, not feeling up to the task of getting up for the day. Pinkie continues to comfort me in various ways without complaint or showing any impatience, I truly owe her.

“I’m sorry” I mumble.

“Your fine silly, I can’t imagine what your going through”

My face flushes with embarrassment, “Cant even take care of myself...” speaking just above a whisper.

“It’s that what friend are for though? To pick each other up when they’re down? Twilight once helped me when I was down, like really down. I was scared... scared our friendship was only my imagination and I was in a bad place but, she didn’t give up. She saved me and the rest of the girls, even made me more confident in myself. I’ll always owe her for that” Her admiration for Twilight was clear, the smile on her face giving away her emotions.

“Twilight really is a nice friend isn’t she? Even though this magic thing was partially her fault, she hasn’t had a moment where she wasn’t worried about me, always going the extra mile” A small feeling of warmth brews within me knowing that I have such friends to lean on in this new world. “... I don’t know what I would do without you Pinkie, I’m really sorry for being so much trouble and for making you Pinkie promise not to tell anypony”

“It’s okay, I mean look how much you’ve gotten better. You haven’t done anything bad besides last night since I moved in, I think we’ve had some serious progress”

I frown at the thought of yesterday, Pinkie doesn’t know we took 3 steps forward and one fall down the fucking Spartan hole from the 300 movie. “..yeah” I say unenthusiastically.

Pinkie scrunches her nose after a quick sniff, “Joey you stink like sweat, you gotta take a shower”

I sigh getting up from the bed and head over to my closet, grabbing some clothes for the day. “I have to apologize to Dash still so I can’t just lay around all day anyway”

The simplest tasks begin to feel daunting, every move I make a battle against my broken spirit. My will shattered into pieces with the pink pony behind me picking up the mess. Even my body hurts for no reason, the joints seeming stiff and random aches across the body. Once I’ve reached the bathroom I close the door behind me and start to strip down. There’s a knock at the door.

“Joey maybe you should take a bath after. I like to enjoy one when I’m feeling really down, helps me relax!” It doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all.

“Maybe... I’ll think about it” it’s silent for a bit, the only noise being the shower running as I wait for it to heat up.

“Would it be um... okay if you let me wash you?” I blush furiously at the idea.

“Pinkie please understand what your asking”

“Just make it all bubbly and stuff dingus! That way it’s not all awkward!”

“What?! Why does that make it not awkward?! I’d still be all... vulnerable and you’d be washing me like I’m a damn kid!” She waits for a moment before replying.

“You won’t regret it I swear!”

I growl in frustration, it sounds like she wants to do it and I fucking owe her my soul at this point.

“Fine! But wait til I say you can come in alright! Don’t make me regret agreeing to this shit!” By now the bathroom is awfully steamy, our conversation going long enough for the hot water to fog up the room.

I shower quickly and start up the bath afterward, looking through Pinkie’s bath ingredients for anything that makes serious suds. I want enough so that I can slip my head back and disappear into them. Finally satisfied with the amount of bath water, it’s temperature, and the bubbles I’ve created I sink into the tub enjoying its engulfing heat. The warmth works away at my body allowing me to feel much better than before in only a few seconds. My body fits well within the tub, it’s size originally purposed for larger animals than ponies.

“Alright pervy, I’m all covered up” I’m actually very nervous, feeling incredibly vulnerable at the moment. If that unicorn could overpower me that easy, who’s to say an earth pony isn’t stronger than me as well.

Pinkie slowly peaks around the door to see me staring with a blush, the hot water making me sweat some. “Okay... let’s um, wash you down” she stands there looking away.

“Are you all embarrassed now? This was your idea! Get over here already and let’s get this done. You said I won’t regret it” I puff my cheeks all grumpy.

My child like behavior is enough to help Pinkie feel comfortable following through her idea. She grabs a washcloth and soaks it in the water, lifting it toward my back.

“Could you lean forward some? Your really big and I can’t reach that well”

“Just hop right in and you’ll be able to reach” I say sarcastically, leaning forward.

“...should I?”

“Wha- NO you doofus!” I shake my head in disbelief.

Pinkie starts to wash at my back, the initial touch making me flinch a little but, now much more relaxed with the feeling.

“Our bodies are so much different, your back is all muscly and stuff and mine is all pudgy!”

“It just looks that way cause humans don’t normally have fat on their backs. Something to do with us needing more protection on the side of our body that we can’t see” My face is very red knowing that Pinkie is eye balling me all up.

“Sorry if I made you feel like I’m staring, your just so interesting to look at!”

“That’s great Pinkie, you know why not get Twilight as well? I bet she’d love to learn about the human body just as much as you”

She giggles at my sarcasm, “Maybe I will!”

Neither of us talk for a bit as Pinkie switches over to my front side, unable to really see what she’s doing but still successful. I warn her about going to low once and she seems to get the memo, never letting the wash cloth slip beneath the waters surface. To summarize, beside the embarrassment, it was a nice experience and apparently a learning one as well for Pinkie. She leaves me to getting dressed on my own, I bundle up heavily as the days after Nightmare Night are supposed to be the start of winter.

Practically steaming from the bath, I move over to the door of my place, tying up my boots.

“Are you going to have breakfast or even let your hair dry? Plus you forgot your collar” she says holding it out to me.

I grab it from her outstretched hoof, placing it around my neck. I huff, “Not hungry and I want to get this over with so I can go back and decompose in my room”

She frowns at my words and moves over to me, placing a winter cap atop my head while I’m bent over tying my boot. “Just be quick alright? I’d hate to see you catch a cold”

“Okay mom” I say with annoyance. Just as I start to open the door I stop, and turn around. “Thanks by the way, for... well everything” She give me a smile and I head outside waving goodbye to her.

Almost instantly I’m struck by a hellish breeze, my face scrunching up from the cold. “Shit it’s cold” I lift my scarf over my face and head down the path to Fluttershy’s cottage. Walking alone in silence breeds room for memories, time spent with Dash and even the last time I’d spoken to her. It doesn’t put a damper on my already sulky mood, rather cheers me up some, knowing I get to see my friend again even if we didn’t finish our last conversation on good terms. Shy’s cottage comes into view just around some trees ahead, a bend in the path allowing me clear vision of her home. Although it hasn’t snowed yet this year, frost still covered the grass beside me turning the normally bland land into a sparkling display. I enjoy the winter so this sight is a welcoming one to me beside the future cold that comes with it.

Reaching the door, I knock 3 times and step to the side waiting. Glancing around to see if any ponies are nearby it’s clear to me now how little foot traffic or should I say hoof traffic that Fluttershy gets out here. The way leading to her home is a small dirt path that leads back to the town, likely only traveled by Shy and her friends seeing how the mailmare is a Pegasus. A sound from behind causes me to turn around to greet Fluttershy at the door.

“Hey Shy, do you mind if I come in to speak with Dash?”

Shy seems abnormally comfortable compared to normal, “Absolutely, I was wondering when you would show up. You told me to tell Dash that you wanted to talk”

Giving a quick smile, I walk through the entrance of her home shutting the door behind me. “Yeah, I forgot I said that... last night is kind of a blur”

“You did seem um, distracted when I saw you. Did everything go okay out there? It wasn’t Nightmare Moon that made you that way was it?”

I chuckle, “No nothing like that, just fell down and got all dirty... so where’s Dash at?”

Shy’s demeanor shows worry, “She hasn’t um... been feeling well but said she wanted to talk to you still. She’s upstairs in the guest room, it’s the final door down the hall on the right. Can you find out what’s wrong for me please? She won’t tell me and I’m really worried about her”

I scratch behind Shy’s ear, “No problem, I’ll get that stubborn mare to talk” knowing all to well that I’m the problem.

I’m too busy making my way to guest room to even see the effect I had on Shy with my ear scratch, she stands there blushing with eyes half lidded. “Oh my.. that was nice”

After making my way up the stairs, I reach the supposed guest room and knock on the door. Small noises can be heard from inside the room before an all too familiar raspy voice speaks up.

“What do you need Fluttershy?”

“Not Shy, just a really tall idiot” I can hear something fall over behind the door.

“..oh hay why didn’t she say anything” I can barely make her out.

“Can I come in?” A few seconds go by.

“Yea... your cool” I open the door to be greeted by a messy looking RainbowDash, her mane matted and greasy with her eyes red and swollen. “Hey dude what’s up?”

Without hesitation I move over to Dash pulling her into a hug which she returns just as fast. We stay like this for a minute enjoying the moment before separating, both of us looking away embarrassed. “I’m really sorry Dash for what I did, if I could go back I would have just told you from the start what’s wrong”

“No no... I messed up. I left you alone after what happened... I’m a terrible friend” She starts to tear up.

Panicked by her sudden emotions I pull her back into a hug, “Hey no you didn’t do anything wrong I mean what were you supposed to do?”

“I don’t know... not run away like a wuss” she buries her face into my shoulder, snot and tears getting all mixed up on my sweater.

Ah jeez not again

“Stop expecting perfection of yourself Dash, your just one pony” I remember what Pinkie said earlier. “You were there to pick me up when I was down and when you left I was feeling much better than before, let me return the favor”

Dash remains against my shoulder for a few minutes letting out the last of her pent up frustration. When she pulls away I lift her chin to face me, wiping away the tears that make their away across her face. “Feel a little better?” She nods with a blush.

We both share a smile for the moment.

“How come you didn’t talk to me last night?”

I rub the back of my neck, “Heh... I saw you and Aj really going at it and I didn’t want to spoil your victory”

“So you saw me win?”

“Yea, you throw a mean ball”

Dash seems to cheer up some, “Yea I do, I knew I’d beat Aj this year! That puts me one win ahead” finishing with a grin.

“You two always like this?”

“Like what?”

“So competitive, I mean shit I could feel the intensity in the air”

“Well duh, how else am I supposed to win if I don’t give it my all! See you need to be more like Aj, she’s the only pony I know that always gives it her all”

“I put it all out there!” She looks at me with disbelief.

“Sure dude, whatever you say”

“Ugh, not everything is always about winning Dash”

She snorts, “You sound like a loser”

“I’ll show you a fucking loser” At this I pounce toward the pony unexpectedly.

My attack catches her off guard allowing me to tackle her onto her bed. We wrestle until I’m able to pin her beneath me, tickling her stomach with my off hand.

“Bwahah stop it Joey! I’ll kick your flank if you don’t!”

“I don’t have one you overconfident flying pillow” In the scuffle Dash accidentally slips and strikes me with her hoof. I fall over to the side next to her.

“Sweet Celestia I’m so sorry, are you okay” I play it off like it’s much worse, hiding my face from her.

“Oh my god I think you broke my nose”

Dash moves in closer, “Lemme see it”

Just when I feel like it’s the right moment I spin around prepared to pin her again only to be foiled by Dash’s quick reaction. I find myself in a predicament as now Dash has me pinned below her, her legs straddling the sides of my torso. This view feels similar... too similar, my heart rate starts to rise. Just before Dash notices I’m freaking out, the door opens to the room causing us both to freeze.

“Hey you two are... eeeep!” Shy remains there frozen with a blush.

Me and Dash share a glance to our situation and then back to Shy.

“It’s not-“ Shy slams the door shut before Rainbow can explain.

“I’m s-sorry for interrupting I’ll b-be downstairs!” Hoofsteps can be heard running away from the scene.

Dash gets off letting me get up, “See what you did? Your always letting your hormones take control, I guess it’s about that time we have the talk”

“Shut up stupid! Your the one who started wrestling me and stuff!”

“And your the one who always makes it sexual!”

“I do not!”

“Do too!”

We both sit there flushed in the face with arms crossed for a moments before breaking out into laughter. “Did you see her face? That was too good”

“It really was, we shouldn’t tell her the truth” Dash gets even more embarrassed.

“Stop it, we have to tell her Joey that’s not funny”

“Ptftf, ha why? Who cares we’re all friend here”

“What if she tells somepony about what she saw and they get the wrong idea too?”

I give her a confident smile, “Shy wouldn’t tell anypony and you know that. Plus who cares what other ponies think”

“But... they’ll think we’re... doing that stuff” She looks away shyly.

“So? That’s our business not theirs, who gives a fuck what they think. Maybe I want to screw my little rainbow colored friend and you wanna screw your big human friend, why should what they think influence what we do?”

She sits for a moment in thought still red from the topic.”You wouldn’t mind if they thought that?”

I scuff, “No, not at all... well they already hate my guts so what difference does it make”

Dash smiles at my answer, “You sound like you’d like to.. ya know”

“Why are you so embarrassed about sex? Aren’t you like 23?” Seemingly impossible, she manages to get even more red in the face than before.

“I’m not embarrassed! Im just... I don’t know” She lowers her head shamefully. “I don’t think about that stuff a lot and I’ve... never done anything like that before” she takes a few quick glances my way to see my reaction.

I lean back against the wall still on her bed, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable”

She shakes her head, “No you didn’t... I just thought you’d make fun of me for saying that”

I tilt my head confused, “Why? Because your a virgin? I think that’s perfectly fine I mean you should save it for your special pony when ya meet him... or her” She gives me a angry glare at the last part.

“Ponies always made fun of each other when I was younger if they were still... you know. I had to lie just to stay cool” Her confession is comforting to me, letting me know how much she really trusts me.

“They sound like losers”

Dash chuckles, “heh, they really were”. Looking away to the door she asks me a question. “Is it... nice? Like, doin it?”

It’s tough to answer the question in the way she worded it. “Um, I guess but I wouldn’t call it nice. Maybe more like passionate and vulnerable. It’s something I’d only do with a person if I felt like I liked them, never just because of sexual attraction. I never understood why people like to just show up and fuck some stranger, I mean I get the physical attraction but it couldn’t be even close to the same as with someone you love”

Dash seems to let my answer soak in before asking another question. “Would you do it with a friend? Like even if you didn’t... like them like them?”

I question my own response at that situation, “I don’t know, maybe... I guess it depends on the situation”

Dash seems to have something else on her mind but refuses to say it. I move my arm around her to pull her into my side, she hesitantly wraps her own wing around me. “What’s bothering you? You can tell me?”

She bits her lip, “Would you um... I mean if you ever were comfortable with...” she looks to my face for a response.

Sadly I’m an idiot, “Yes? Go on?”

“Your gonna make me say it? Ugh.. would you do that... with a pony?” She looks me in the eye while saying it.

I’m unprepared for her question, a feeling of discomfort washes over me. “That’s a loaded question”

She lowers her head, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that, that was really stupid of me to think that was okay. I mean you wouldn’t want to anyway seeing how you think ponies are gross-“

I stop her, “Hey settle down, it’s alright to be curious but, I’m not exactly the right material for a pony. And just because I don’t find certain things attractive doesn’t mean I can’t find a way to make things work. And I don’t think you ponies are gross”

“Really?”

I blush thinking of what I’m about to reveal, “Listen... one thing that really gets me off is knowing that the one I love is having pleasure, so that being the case I don’t really need things to be perfect. Now don’t tell any fucking pony I said that or I swear”

She smiles at my honesty and pretends to zip in imaginary zipper across her mouth. I exhale at my confession, hopefully it’ll make her feel more relatable or something so she can stop worrying.

“Thanks... I didn’t mean to make things all awkward between us when I asked that but I couldn’t help but be curious. Also I still don’t know what it’s supposed to feel like... is it as good as ponies talk about?”

I laugh, “Oh it feels great but once it’s over you realize it’s not all what it’s hyped up to be. I mean people made that shit seem like euphoria but honestly I enjoyed just being with the one I loved” I frown thinking of my past relationship.

“Didn’t you have a special somepony when you were back home?”

“At one point but, it only lasted for around 2 years”

“2 years seems like a long time, I had a friend that got married just after a few months!”

“Well I sure didn’t and it’s definitely for the best”

Dash frowns, “How come?”

I think back to the day we broke up, everything that led up to it, my decision the right one in my eyes now.

“It wasn’t the right thing for me, I had to do what was in my best interest even if I still loved her”

“But if you still loved her then why did you break up? That doesn’t make any sense!”

“Because not everything makes sense. She had a serious depression issue just like me and I fucking did everything I could to try and make her happy. I spent sleepless nights worrying about her and tired hours taking care of her. It was exhausting and I was going to college at the same time and it was all so overwhelming. There was always something that went wrong and over time I kept getting less patient with her and she kept bailing on meeting up, treating me like shit. Eventually I realized she didn’t love me anymore like I still loved her, she’s wasn’t going to put in the effort to make things work and I shouldn’t either... so we broke up. I haven’t spoke with her since”

My story had made Dash sad, “That’s... not fair to you”

“Life’s not fair” I say rather cold.

“But your a good pony, she didn’t deserve you anyway!”

“I’m no better, I promised her that if we broke up I’d be her friend, that I wouldn’t leave her no matter what” I look to Dash, “I ran away like you did only I wasn’t brave enough to come back”

She hugs me tight, rubbing her face against my neck and chin. “I won’t ever do that again”

“You are the element of loyalty” I smile, returning the hug. “Now cmon, we oughta go tell Shy the truth, she’s sure to think we’ve been up here fucking the whole time”

Dash pulls my sleeve drawing me back, “Nah, it’s funnier she doesn’t know”

We share a laugh and head back downstairs to meet with a very red Fluttershy. Sitting across from her she had warmed up some hot chocolate for the two of us, I grab a mug.

“Thanks Shy, I see your figured out I don’t like coffee huh?”

“I’m s-sorry I didn’t realize until you left the other day, I saw y-your cup was still full” Me and Dash sit together across from the timid pony. “You t-two seem like your in a b-better mood”

“Me and Dash just needed to talk about some things, I think we’re better off then we’ve ever been” I elbow Dash next to me in the arm.

“Yea we figured out who’s the brains and the bulk between us two and decided they’re both me!”

I give Dash a grumpy look, “Hold on now, there is simply no way your the brains of us two, are you kidding me?”

Dash and I break into a small argument over nonsensical topics while Shy sits there confused at our sudden outbursts. Eventually she starts giggling, than from that to laughing aloud. We both stop to look Shy’s way.

She covers her mouth with the one hoof pointing towards us with the other, “You two really do get along well”

I turn back to Dash ruffling up her hair, “Like two peas in a pod” she smacks away my hand.

“More like one cool pony and a doofus”

“That’s not even a saying, that’s stupid”

“See Fluttershy? He’s always like this!” Displaying me with her hooves.

I smile to Shy, “She can’t handle my wonderful personality or my dashing good looks”

“I’m just happy to see you two back together again” Shy smiles brighter than I’ve ever seen before.

“Alright, I should probably head back now before Pinkie burns down my house. Thanks Flutters for the hot coco and Dash let’s hang out the next day you have off okay?” I get up and hold a stretched out fist toward Dash.

She hoof bumps me, “Whatever dude”

I place my hand on my chest, “Oh your words wound me so” I get a giggle out of Fluttershy, it’s enough for me.

Saying my goodbyes I walk away out the door, once closed I immediately let my body release from its tense state. I’d put on a positive face for the two girls, not wanting them to worry about my issues anymore than they already do. Just that hour or two of talking was exhausting, my energy completely depleted. I think about laying in bed back home, it beckons me. Trudging down the path the sky starts to turn a consistent white, small flakes of snow fall to the ground yet melt before making themselves home upon the ground. Winter is coming and it doesn’t take a Stark to figure that out.

Smoke rises from the roof of my small home, a pleasant sight for a weary traveler. Once inside I notice Pinkie is in the kitchen pulling something from the oven, it fills the house with a wonderful smell of blueberries.

“Whatcha making?”

Pinkie pulls off her little apron placing it to the side, “Blueberry pie of course! I know you really like it and thought you could use some to make you feel better!” I don’t deserve this pony.

“Jeez Pinkie, you don’t have to go to so much trouble for me. I’m plenty fine enough with you just giving me company” I lean against the counter next to her.

“But I wanted to do this! I like making ponies happy!” She cuts a slice for me and places it on a plate.

“I don’t know if this ‘pony’ is meant to be happy, things just keep going haywire for me” I take the plate with a thanks and sit at the table nearby.

Pinkie joins me with a slice of her own, some already on her muzzle. “Thacht negachive chinking choey”

“Pinkie please swallow”

She takes a comically large gulp, “I said that’s negative thinking! If you never keep a positive attitude about things, how are they supposed to get any better!”

She right, truthfully it was something I’d told myself before to get out of a rut, now coming full circle. This was different however, I’m still the lone human here, I’ve got some strange illness, and I just got violated last fucking night. If I am going to get any better, I need to figure out how to fix all of this or how to be comfortable living with it.

I bite into the pie, it’s warm gooey feeling is partnered with the sugary sweetness of a blueberry. My tastebuds are overwhelmed with satisfaction, this the best blueberry pie I’ve ever had.

“This is really good Pinkie, like I’m impressed”

“Thanks! I mean I should be really good seeing how I work in a bakery”

“Oh yeah... you do. That doesn’t take away the fact that this pie smacks”

“Smacks?” Unfamiliar with the slang.

“Oh uh it’s really good! Sorry I forgot about the whole, ‘I’m an alien’ thing”

Pinkie giggles, “I like that! You really smack Joey!” I cringe at her misuse.

“It’s not for anything that’s good just food, at least that’s how I’ve only heard it used”

“Oohhh, I get it! Cupcakes really smack! And doughnuts and” I allow Pinkie to keep going on with her newly acquired human slang, moving to the kitchen with my plate to take care of it.

After I walk pass her heading back to my room to look over that journal again, hoping for some sort of clue. Pinkie soon follows after me and joins me on my bed, laying between my legs with her head resting on my chest as I read. I flip back to the original section on the first recorded origin of my illness, looking for that ponies name again.

“So what are you reading this for?”

“I’m trying to figure out how to solve my magic issue and I’m hoping that if I can find out more about this first pony that maybe I can figure out how to reverse it”

My eyes scan the page until I discover the ponies name again, Quantum Matter. “Sounds like a scientist”

“A mad scientist. The guy made my issue trying to give himself unicorn magic, he also seems to be the cause of some ponies depressive outbreaks”

“So you think he was the reason that ice cream pony did that to himself?”

“Celestia sure thinks so”

I continue reading over what I’ve already read finding nothing really interesting this time around either. At the very least I helped Pinkie better understand my issue.

“I don’t really have much to go on still besides this ponies name. If there was some way for me to find out more about him...”

Pinkie lays in silence before suddenly flipping over facing me, “Ooo I know! When we went to Canterlot for Twilights brothers marriage, there was this big library in the castle and Twilight said I couldn’t go in there cause it was Celestia’s private library but, it’s supposed to have all sorts of secret things in there!”

“Twilight has a brother?”

“Joey are you listening! There might be something about that pony in Celestia’s library!”

“Hmm” I think about the possibility of her private library having anything about my issue. It’s unlikely however, it’s the only lead I got and if that’s where this journal was at then I might just get lucky. “Is there anyway to get in there?”

“Well you can just walk in but, it’s guarded and located near her chambers. You’d have to sneak in during the day while she’s busy!”

“How do you know all this?” I regret asking the question just as it leaves my mouth.

“A true Pinkie never reveals her secrets...” grinning as she speaks.

“Not even for a Scooby snack?” She stares inquisitively. “Eh never mind. I’m super tired, do you mind taking a nap with me?”

“Of course not! I can get all the cuddles I need!” She snuggles her face into my stomach.

I scratch her head and behind her ears while she lays there. It seems to really take an effect, her falling into mush against my body. I chuckle at her reaction, completely out just like that.

“Behind your ears must be like an off switch” Pinkie slowly nods yes, still face first on my belly.

We lay there for a bit before I realize why I can’t sleep, my collar still around my neck. Taking it off and relaxing back into my bed, it’s not long before I fall asleep with the party pony. I have a quick dream about Spike becoming a handsome dragon, swooping Rarity into his arms and riding off into the sunset in his 1967 Chevy Corvette. It was strange to say the least, reminding me of the plan to get Spike his dream mare.

Now awake once more, I lay with the slumbering pony atop me. Besides the gentle caress I’m preforming on her mane, the rest of me is deathly still. Just looking at her so calm is fascinating, this very same pony can be the most rambunctious being I know. Instead here she was relaxed and completely trusting that I would not harm her in any way. Honestly she’s very cute like this and I don’t mean it the same way I would normally when looking at ponies. Looking past the differences between us, she’s very similar facially to a person when looking straight on. Although she didn’t have a slimmer look like some other mares, she makes up for it with a wonderfully soft and friendly face. Her eyes were pretty as well when open, their bright blue circles full of excitement, always curious and bubbly about everything. Let’s not forget about her world class smile.

I should probably stop staring, it’s kind of weird

I think back to the rest of the girls in the way they look, a realization dawning over me. They all have their own traits that make them different and special. Twilight has her cute nerdy look, Fluttershy her strong eyebrows giving off her true emotions, Dash with her lean appearance, Rarity’s elegant mane and coat, AppleJacks beautiful emerald eyes. They’re all wonderful in both the way they look and in the way they treat others. I could only strive to be as great as them. That’s not all the ponies I know though, my princess friend Luna fitting into this conversation as well. I find her coat and mane colors stunning in both her princess mode and when she is off duty, letting her mane change to a light purple. Removing her looks she’s also been a reliable friend, helping me at every corner. It’s truly a wonder how someone like me would get to be friends with such great ponies.

Pinkie shifts a little in her sleep, rubbing against me in the wrong way. Just as quickly as I started to feel blessed, my positive attitude is sucked away and replaced with disgust. Not everypony is great, thinking back to that mare. I start to wonder if I’ll ever find peace living here. Probably not seeing how I can’t handle thinking about what happened without starting to panic. Speaking of which, I enjoyed the feeling didn’t I? What kind of sick fuck does that make me? I’m no better than some ponies little fuck toy, always at the ready. If I really didn’t enjoy it I would have put up more of a fight...

I’m disgusting

With my mental berating, I fail to notice Pinkie stir from her sleep, now staring at my discomforted face. “W-was wrong?” She asks with eyes still half closed.

“Nothing, I’m just being stupid is all”

“I don’t think it’s stupid to worry about things” She stretches her legs out with a yawn.

“Not worried” I lean back against the bed frame. “It’s... something I need to figure out myself”

Acting defensive doesn’t seem to buy me any luck. “Why do you try to be all tough for me and the girls? It’s okay when your hurting to ask for help”

I contemplate the idea, its starting to feel like the better option the more time goes on. “What if something happened that was bad, like really bad and it changed the way you see things but, you know it’s all in your head. Would you waste your friends time worrying them about something like that, something that doesn’t even exist?”

“Clearly it exists Joey, you’ve been way more down than normal since last night” Pinkie gives me a worried face.

“What happened exists yes, but the other shit? Me panicking like somethings wrong when there’s not? It’s all bullshit, I’m just being a baby”

Pinkie gets mad at this, it’s the first time I’ve seen her actually angry. “Stop! Stop with the self doubt, stop with the underplaying things, and stop with the lies! What happened Joey, you know I just want to help you!”

I panic, “I-I.... I can’t fucking.... I can’t do this. Please just... let me die” I slump down looking away from Pinkie, defeated. “Why does everything have to go wrong... I didn’t do anything wrong”

Tears spill down my face, I stare off to the wall in thought. Pinkie moves in to hug me, whispering encouraging words into my ear.

“You can get better, I know you can. Think of how much you’ve already been through? I’m here to help and the girls are too, your not alone either”

I can’t hold back the emotions anymore, yesterday’s trauma finally becoming too much. I move into her embrace, bawling away into her fur. “S-she... I was raped”

I can’t see Pinkies reaction but, she doesn’t seem to let my confession get in her way from comforting me, stroking my back with slow circles. “Shhh shhh shhh, it’s okay now. We won’t let anypony hurt you again”

Her words are somewhat demoralizing, like I can’t protect myself but at second thought I couldn’t really do anything to stop her magic. I’m completely defenseless in a way and I’m even forgetting that the gender roles in Equestria are reversed! My incident is probably more common than the other way around. I’m getting away from the main point here, I can’t defend myself and it’s obvious now.

Seconds turn to minutes, minutes to an hour, then after that I have nothing left to give. My body is limp, a husk of my former self. Pinkie continues to try and help me, her stare meeting my lifeless eyes. I’m on autopilot now, Pinkie removes my shirt and pants and fits me into my pajamas without my protest, slipping me with herself under the covers all while treating me with encouraging words. Most don’t reach my ears at this point, I truly want to just give up.

I sleep easily from my exhaustion and wake up the next day, not removing myself from my bed beside to use the restroom. The next few days go like this as well, Pinkie having to take the week off in order to help me. Word gets out what happened among the girls, Spike, and even the princesses. I overhear that Luna’s reaction was explosive, destroying her own room in anger. She’s unable to speak with me in the dreamscape as well, my current condition sort of like a comatose, preventing me from dreaming. Dash didn’t take the news well either, the first day rushing over to practically interrogate me into who did it however, even I don’t remember the culprits appearance. I just recognize her voice.

It’s around 2 weeks from my confession that I show signs of improvement. By this time, Fluttershy has offered to take shifts helping as well, Pinkies need to go back to work causing her to ask another pony to assist. Seeing how I wasn’t comfortable with anypony I didn’t know and Shy living just down the road, she was very willing to help out. Currently taking the time to trim my hair, both facial and atop my head. It’s quiet beside the light humming of Fluttershy, her working her scissors away at the lengthy hair that reaches my lower neck.

“How short would you like your hair?” Shy asks politely.

Besides short answers, the only other response I’d be willing to give at this point is hand gestures. I mumble a response, “I don’t care... whatever you like”

She smiles at my response, “That’s okay, I think we should go for something short and slick. I think you’d like great if we got these bangs out the way” I don’t bother to question her ability to cut human hair, her own mane is surprisingly similar to something you would see from a person.

I haven’t had hair shorter than 3-4 inches since elementary school, my own insecurities of having a larger forehead keeping me from letting it show. It’s not anything ridiculous or even bad however I still couldn’t find comfort in the way I looked without the longer hair. Shy finishes her work after a few minutes, placing a handheld mirror in my lap to look for myself. Begrudgingly I take the mirror to see my new look, content with its appearance. She had shortened my sides and back to around a pinch and left the top to be half an inch, appearing spiky unlike its normal curly behavior. She shaved my beard as well, trimming it down to around a 5 o’clock shadow. At this same time I notice how terrible the rest of me has began to look. My face pale with dark bags around my eyes, the curves around my face more prominent now with my loss of weight from the past weeks. I’m not unhealthy underweight, honestly given the way I was before I probably now more close to the weight I should be. The worst change though would be my eyes, once showing a tinge of blue coloring now carried none, gray without much life.

I put the mirror down and get up from the chair I was sitting in, walking back toward my room to sleep. I stop before I reach the door, turning back to Shy. “It’s nice Shy.... thanks”

It’s not much but, definitely uncharacteristic for the last few weeks. Shy notices this as well but doesn’t make much of it, “Your welcome!”

She continues to clean up the hair left over while I lay flat across my bed, my face in the sheets.

Now I’m wasting Shy’s time as well...

Although I felt obligated to do something for her, my body protested against any action beside sleep. I groan in frustration as Shy makes her way into the room next to me on the bed. Without asking she starts to massage my back, her hooves work wonders. I can’t help myself from giving sounds of satisfaction, not that I care even at this point.

“You feeling any better today? Maybe thinking about going outside for a walk or...you could help me feed my animals” She talks to me now with so much more confidence, likely due to the fact she knows I’m not a threat to anypony but myself.

“I don’t know about all that”

“Do you feel like talking about what happened?”

“No”

“Joey you can’t just sleep all the time and expect things to get better”

“I don’t need things to get better, I need them to fucking end”

Shy shakes her head in pity, “oh you poor pony... I’m so sorry, is there anything I can do to help you feel different?” The pity in her voice makes me uncomfortable but I ignore the feeling.

I shrug my shoulders, enjoying her impressive ability to work into my back. “Why are you so good at this?”

She giggles, “Well I have several larger animals that get all kinds of knots and issues that only a ponies touch can fix. Specially Harry, he’s a bear”

I shudder, “Does feeding your animals include Harry?”

“Oh no, he catches his own food. It would be inappropriate for me to feed him, carnivores like to hunt for themselves. The largest animal that I feed is usually deer”

“Your telling me that deer are not sentient here?”

“Reindeer are!”

Confused at the logic I settle with the information I’ve received so far. I think about my situation, being cooped up in here really hasn’t been too great honestly, I should really get outside. I flip myself over to look at Shy.

“I guess I could help feed your animals today for you putting up with me” She lights up at this all giddily.

“Yes! Oh this is going to be so much fun! You’ll love it I promise!” Her excitement lights a small warmth deep inside me.

“That’s just cute seeing you all excited like that” Shy blushes at my words.

“Hey mister! You wouldn’t understand til you meet all my woodland friends”

Woodland friends makes her sound like Disney princess

“Alright let’s get going before I change my mind”

Shy and I head outside into the now snow covered outskirts of Ponyville, the weather lacks any wind but a chill in the air still stings my nose and ears. I’m bundled up from head to toe along with Fluttershy, she wears a scarf, a pony sized bubble jacket, and booties protecting her from the cold. By the way, pony boots are as adorable as you’d imagine.

The snow crunches beneath our feet as we walk, the snow covered treetops making the outline of the Everfree almost appear like mountains from the distance. With the snow covering just about everything now, the sky also remained a pure white, rather painful to my eyes as I adjust to the light. Shy speaks up to break the silence of our walk.

“Did you know Hearths Warming is coming up soon?”

I was focusing on watching my breath when she asks the question, slightly catching me off guard. “I’m sorry what was that again?”

“Do you know about Hearths Warming?”

“Oh... yea it takes place around the same time as a holiday called Christmas back on Earth. Actually it’s really similar besides the whole religious aspect. People give out gifts, party or spend time with family, I personally used to be one of the ones with family”

“That’s great though... that you know about the holiday I mean the girls get together every year at Twilights for a gift exchange. It’s really fun, you should go” It does sound like it would be fun if my brain wasn’t against doing anything right now.

“Yea... I bet that’d be fun”

“It is, last year I got Rarity’s gift, she knitted me a nice yellow sweater with my cutie mark. Its super cute, I should show you when we get there” I try not to be rude and appear uninterested.

“Sure, Rarity really is generous huh?”

Shy giggles, “Do you like Hearths Warming? Or um...”

“Christmas and yes, It was my favorite holiday. I just enjoy it more because of the winter really. I think it makes everything look really... I don’t know, festive?”

“I like to see all the pretty lights everypony sets up each year!”

“Do ponies decorate a tree as well?”

“Yea, most of the girls try to bring their own special ornament as well to hang up on Twilight’s tree. You should probably go shopping for something soon, it’s coming up in two weeks”

I huff at her optimism of me, “Expect me to be fine by then?”

“Well...” She turns to give me a smile, “Your helping me today and that’s a start”

“That’s because your like an angel Shy, it would be evil for me to deny your request”

Shy bats a hoof my way, “You too nice Joey” I smile a little.

By now we’ve reached her cottage, stepping inside for a moment so Fluttershy can get her animal feed from her closet. It carries all sorts of pellets for all types of animals, also including small packaged treats for dogs and cats as well. I help by grabbing some of the feed with her, moving to the back door to head outside. Once on her back porch, we began to fill several empty bowls, the noise starts to attract animals from the forest behind us. Before I know it, a small family of deer have made their way next to me, eating from the bowl as I stand right there.

“Holy shit, I’ve never seen a deer this close before. Normally they’re super scared of people”

“Ponies are not natural predators so they are comfortable around us, and you probably don’t come off as a predator as well”

“Really? My canines don’t scare anypony off?”

She giggles, “No Joey, Griffens are more like what they are looking for, that or diamond dogs”

That dentist Colgate was scared of my teeth...

“Diamond... dogs?”

“They’re a race of sentient dogs that live near mountains, they stand on two feet like you! But they usually are up to trouble so ponies stay away from them”

“You sound xenophobic”

Shy blushes, “No they can be dangerous and-“

“I’m kidding Shy, I get what you mean” She puffs her cheeks still blushing.

After petting some of the wildlife and learning more about the creatures of Equestria we head inside to keep warm. Sitting around her fireplace, my feet rest on the foot table in form of me, my hands holding a mug of hot chocolate. Fluttershy was sharing with me a story of fillyschool with Dash when there’s a sudden knock at the door.

“Is that Dash? Where is she speaking of the devil”

“She’s at work right now and won’t be ho-“ She freezes once she opens the door, seeing the visitor. I stand up prepared to make my way to the door.

“Has thou seen or spoken with Joey recently? We had gone to his home to see no pony there and are curious to know if thou had any idea” Her voice sounded worried.

“Lulu?”

The moon princess peaked around the door to see me, a frown across her face. Suddenly, she rushes to me, hugging me into her embrace. She smells like she did in her dream and is warm, very warm. “This is a pleasant surprise”