Author's Note

Woah step bro, your chapter is like soooo long

Longest chapter yet, hope you enjoy

14 Pony Christmas

Maneuvering through the isles, I struggle to find what I’m after. A seemingly endless search for something, anything, that AppleJack might like for Hearths Warming. Fortunately I did remember to grab a name from Twilights, unfortunately it was the pony I know the least about out of all the girls. Was she more like Dash? More tomboyish or perhaps just as girly as Rarity only hidden under the guise of a rough an tough farm pony. Shaking my head I struggle to make any idea come to the front.

“Fuck this is harder than I thought. I mean how do I not know what Aj would like?”

Horseshoes? Maybe something to help on the farm? What if I got her some sort of water bottle for working through the summer? No that feels like I’m cheap, I need something real and sentimental. Something that shows I really care

Continuing around the corner scanning the shelves I bump into another pony, not watching where I’m going. The height difference causes me to stumble over and fall, catching myself just before I face plant. Meanwhile the pony I bumped happens to move away from beneath my falling form, slipping to the side at the last moment.

“Hey! Careful you big doofus! Geez, I wonder why the elements let you go outside. They should lock an animal like you up or something”

“That’s an awfully harsh response for bumping into somepony, so how about you take a ‘fuck you’ and go on with your day”

The mare rises her nose at me, strutting off down the isle angrily. Faintly I can hear her say, “Least they got you collared you mutt” as she makes her way from me. Picking myself up I flip her off when she turns to look back causing her to flick her tail with anger and hurry off.

“What a fucking prick”

It’s not uncommon for experiences like this to happen now, the occasional asshole always lurking closer than you’d think. Given my track record as well, we can say that first impressions now matter a lot more than normal. I dust my hands off and go back to the search, the shelves stacked with various gardening equipment ranging from pottery goods to gardening tools. Scratching my head I inspect the difference between two different types of pots when an employee approaches.

“Sir do you mind taking a second to tell me what happened a little earlier?”

I keep my gaze on the pot in my hand, checking for any cracks or chips. “We tripped, she’s an ass. What more do you need to hear?”

“U-um... it’s just that she complained about you insulting her and said t-that you pushed her down”

Glancing over to the mare, I see she’s clearly nervous from the proximity. Her back legs shake lightly in fear but she stands her ground firm.

“Listen I didn’t push her alright, I’m looking for a gift for a friend and I didn’t see her coming”

“I-I believe you sir b-but we don’t like f-fights going on in the store s-so uh... could you maybe leave... p-please?”

Placing the pot down I turn to face her, squatting down to her level. “There wasn’t a fight, just a little argument now if you would be kind enough to help me find a gift, I can be out of your hair in a jiffy”

“Sir please I d-don’t want to get the guard”

I start to lose my patience, “Are you listening? I said I just need a gift for my friend and I’ll leave. Hell you can follow me the whole time if that makes you feel any better” She seems reluctant to help, looking back to the entrance.

I swear to god if she gets a guard

“O-okay... I’ll help but be quick please, your scaring s-some of the other customers”

Taking a quick look around there’s a distinct lack of other ponies around to be scared. I loudly sigh, taking a deep breath to settle down. “Thank you, now I need a gift for a farm mare. She’s pretty tough but I think she can sometimes like really girly things. Is there anything in here that might fit that description?”

She shifts uncomfortably, “Um... we have pretty engravings for s-some of our tools in the isle over”

“That sounds like a good idea, lead the way”

“T-this way sir”

She shuffles quickly past and heads to the next isle somewhere near the middle before stopping. Giving me a look and then to the shelf I meet her focus on a set of gardening tools for ponies, each carrying flowery engravings. From buckets to hoof spades, they have several options to choose from. Most of the designs are very unique, clearly made through personal attention rather than a machine. Checking the price I’m blow away at the outrageous costs.

“What?! Fuckin 78 bits for an engraved watering can? Did Leonardo Da Vinci himself make this!?”

“S-sir please if your done can you-“

“Don’t worry I’m going, I’m going” I start to leave but abruptly stop a few steps away from the mare. Turning around I pinch the bridge of my nose and give an apologetic look, “I’m sorry for the trouble” it’s the least I could do to try and make up for my rude behavior.

Leaving the store I head down the street with a sudden idea in mind. I know exactly what to get. A few more minutes of walking and I find myself in front of a clothing store, it’s homegrown appearance welcoming on my approach. The store sign read, ‘Mares Textiles and Styles’, their catalogue containing things like hoof sewn clothing, blankets, hats, and general materials for sewing yourself. I’d heard of the place before from Rarity but never actually seen it in person. Walking inside I’m greeted with a heavy aroma of citrus coming from the many scented candles burning around the entrance. Before I’m able to scan around I feel a small tug at the bottom of my shirt.

“Mr. Hooman? You are the hooman right?”

Not wanting to correct her cute pronunciation of human, I go to answer her but am caught off guard by her adorable face. She’s a small mare with a light orange coat, it’s color more closely related to yellow than citrus. Brown freckles filled the distance between her facial features, her muzzle splattered with them. They’re almost distracting enough to not notice her bright green eyes. Similar to Twilights mane, she carried small bangs in the front, their width not enough to cover the entirety of her forehead unlike Twi. Like her eyes they were also green yet much darker in tone, she kinda looked like an orange with a leaf atop her head.

“Aren’t you just the cutest little pony”

Smiling brightly she takes a small bow, “Yep that’d be me! I’m Sweetie Bee, pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard all about how helpful you are from Rarity, she’s one of my best customers!”

I can’t help but smile as well, her attitude rather infectious. “Oh that’s just Rarity trying to butter me up, I’m nothing special”

“But you are! You’re like the only alien in Equestria! Or at least the only one I’ve heard of. I bet you have some really cool stories about your planet don’t ya?”

I wave her off with my hand, “For another time, listen I need something very specific. Do you have any hair ties? And can you put like your own little details on it to add like a little personal touch?”

“Of course! Here follow me”

Listening to her, we walk toward the back to a long display table supporting several differing accessories from color and sizes. Among these options there lay our prize, a nice green hair tie shaped like a bow. It’s color matched that of AppleJacks eyes, her most noticeable feature in my opinion. Grabbing it I hand to to Sweetie.

“Could you sew a little red apple onto it for me? It’s for a friend and I’d like them to feel it’s special ya know?”

“I totally get it, ponies always want to let each other know how much they care with little touches like that. It goes a long way you’d be surprised”

“That’s great! I really am in a rush however, could you have this done today? I’ll pay you extra”

“I can have it done in an hour easy, and don’t worry about paying me extra. I don’t usually get much business on Hearths Warming Eve so it’ll be fine”

Yep, it’s Hearths Warming Eve and here I am procrastinating til the last minute to get a gift. Thankfully I’ve run into this angel of a pony here and can bring my gift for the party. Letting out a sigh I place a hand to my chest in relief.

“Oh thank god, you’re a real lifesaver you know that?”

Giggling at my reaction she takes the hair tie over to a nearby sewing machine. “Hey most ponies don’t wait til the last minute. I used to be a really bad procrastinator too”

Blushing from embarrassment I sit next to her as she works. “Not my best feature, I’m really working on it”

“Sure seems like it”

“Sure does doesn’t it”

“... so what’s your name if you don’t mind me asking? Rarity said it a few times but I always forget, it’s something really weird and starts with a j”

“Joe, or Joey. Whatever you like more really”

“It’s your name, what would you prefer?”

“That’s awfully thoughtful but I don’t really care. I will say though hearing Joe makes me feel like it’s my boss or something”

“That’s yucky, don’t want that. I’ll call ya Joey than okay? Hooman Joey!”

I laugh at her antics, “It’s not really pronounced hooman, it’s human”

“Oh I know, I like hooman more” she says with a smile. “It’s much cuter don’t ya think?”

Glancing at the pony saying it in front of me? Yes I’d say it’s much cuter. “You got me there”

“So who’s this for?” She continues to work away with a close eye, her tongue sticking out just a little as she focuses.

“A friend” she gives a devious grin. “Just friends, let me clarify that”

“Oh you’re no fun! I’m just joking with ya. Do all hoomans take everything serious?”

Leaning back in thought I give my best answer. “I’d say it’s about an equal mix both ways, I mean there’s a lot more losers back on Earth than here that’s for sure”

“That’s not nice calling ponies losers”

“When I say loser I mean loooooser, like they don’t even try to grow up”

“That’s kinda sad really”

Thinking back I can’t help but get a little bummed out, “When I think about it, my planet really is sad. Bunch of lost people out there just trying to find their way and there’s a bunch of others trying to take advantage of them. People starving, people stealing” I stop there not wanting to continue.

“Sounds like an awful place”

“Yea...”

Am I glad to be here? Would I rather be here than back home on Earth? The obvious answer would be yes, my home expenses paid for by the princesses and a group of incredibly friendly ponies helping me every step of the way. Equestria definitely has its benefits but it lacks in other departments as well. Maybe once this whole hate the human shit dies down I might find some peace.

“You okay?” She draws me out of thought.

“Sorry got carried away there”

“You seemed kinda bothered there for a moment... do you wanna talk about it”

I can’t help but laugh off her suggestion, “Sorry, I barely know you. And I know how nice some of you ponies are... you included but, I like to keep some things to myself” I flash her a small smile. “Thanks though for the offer... real kind of you”

“Well I’ll always be willing to lend an ear. A friend of Rarity is a friend of mine!”

“You seem like a real nice pony, I’ll make sure to swing by here again”

She stops for a moment and her eyes light up, “Really?! That’s super cool! Don’t be afraid to tell anypony you know about the store as well!”

“I promise I will”

She continues to work with her tail swishing happily behind. Everything this mare seems to do is cute and before I know it she’s finished the job, in much sooner time than anticipated. She hands me the tie to give a look over. Sure enough a small red apple with a one leaf stem resides on the tie.

“This is perfect, how much do I owe ya?”

“Hmm, well normally it’s about 18 bits but with the added feature I’d say 25 bits is a fair price”

“Normally I’d haggle with you but you’ve been super cool so I’ll pay 25. You’d be surprised how often most ponies try to take advantage of me”

She frowns at hearing this, “That’s ridiculous! I mean it’s part of business to be greedy but, I think everypony should know where to draw the line”

Reaching into my bag I hand over the appropriate amount with a little extra. She quickly notices and goes to hand me back my bits.

“Keep the extra bits, you kinda made my day”

“Shoot I didn’t do anything special, just taking care of another customer! Oh by the way do you want a gift bag to put it in? I got those too”

Smiling I scratch the back of my head, “Sure and tell that to the ponies running the gardening store, assholes wanted to kick me out cause I accidentally bumped into a pony”

“What? There’s no way that was it, what happened beside that?”

“Nothing! I bumped into her and she was a complete ass about it, then she goes and whines to the manager! Some ponies really are something”

Sweetie seems bothered by my words, “I don’t think ponies would be mean to you for no reason, maybe they think you’re somepony else”

I chuckle, “Aren’t you friends with Rarity? Surely you’ve heard the rumors about me?”

“Nope! I hate stuff like that, super yucky! Talking behind other ponies backs brings nothing good for nopony” she says while stuffing gift paper into the gift bag.

“God I wish I met you sooner” I whisper aside.

“Hmm?”

“Oh nothing, thanks for helping me out... specially on Hearths Warming Eve”

“Don’t mention it! It’s not a big deal anyway, normally I close up today around 3 anyway seeing how I get no customers. Very rare I meet somepony like you” she says with a toothy smile.

“I know, I know, I’m a procrastinator. See ya Sweetie Bee, I’ll make sure to come again”

She waves me off with Aj’s present now in tow. With nothing left to do I start to head back home. The weathers rather calm, windless without snowfall yet the surrounding rooftops and ground still remain covered in the white cold. Each crunch beneath my boot is a pleasing sound to me, filling the otherwise silent walk. Taking focus away from my noisy footsteps, I look around to admire the decorative lights strung about the town. Like Christmas, Hearths Warming was also celebrated with decorated pine trees, the largest one at town hall. By happenstance the very tree stands before me, it’s height somewhere around 30-40 feet. Beside its incredible height and girth, the star on top takes the cake, a large golden antique representing the festive spirit. It probably cost more than my house.

Surrounding the tree is a small ice rink with multiple ponies already skating across in groups. Some couples, some friends, even some small fillies with their parents. Laughter and loud voices of enjoyment fill the atmosphere. Personally I never learned to skate so my interest in the matter really stops beyond a quick glance.

Seems like these ponies love their holidays

I’m taken from my thoughts when a snowball strikes me in the back. Turning to see the perpetrator, a group of young ponies scurry off away laughing. One can be heard shouting, “I got em! I got em!”

“Ugh fucking ponies”

I won’t let them ruin my Christmas experience though, quickly heading back to my house without stoppage from this point on. Stepping inside I shake off my boots at the door.

“Pinkie your king has arrived! Where ya at?”

Silence.

Surprised from the lack of a response, I look around confused at her disappearance. Seconds later I discover a small note left on the kitchen table reading,

‘Gotta help out the mayor with setting up the town party this year. I’ll be gone all day but don’t worry! I’ll be at Twilights on time’
~Love Pinkie

She even left little hearts drawn on both the i’s in her name. Scrunching up the note I make sure to throw it away and leave Aj’s gift by the door, that way I won’t forget it when I leave. Sitting down on my couch I think for a moment on a way to pass the time until Twilights party. A knock at my door distracts any possibility of this happening however, I get up and open the door. It’s Derpy, the mailmare, an unusual sight especially today.

“Hiya Joe! I’m not supposed to be working today but, yesterday when I was at the office I saw you had a bunch of undelivered letters so I thought I could bring them to you today!”

Turning my head to the side in confusion, I reach out to grab the letters. “Thanks that’s really nice of you, I don’t know what to say”

“It’s okay, you’ve always been super nice to me so I thought I’d do something kind for once back”

“What do you mean? I just say hello and stuff, don’t other ponies do that?”

She looks away with her one good eye bashfully, “Sometimes ponies say mean things about my eyes but you never treated me like I was different so I always appreciated you for that”

“Personally I think your eyes are beautiful and if anypony says something mean about you again I want you to tell me okay?”

She nods still blushing, “I promise but I uh... I need to head home now. Bye Joey!”

Unfortunately she doesn’t look where she’s going and runs directly into my mailbox, breaking the post in half. I hold my breath in reaction.

“Oooo holy shit! Are you alright?” I start to walk over.

Quickly Derpy jumps back up to her hooves and takes off, “Sorry! I’m okay though, have a nice Hearth Warming!”

“You too Derpy!”

Immediately I look back to my now broken mailbox, a true mystery how she broke it without injuring herself.

Guess I’m gonna need AppleJacks help fixing this

That’s an issue for another time so I head back inside and sit at the kitchen table, displaying the many letters before me. The first letter I glance at is from a pony named Lyra. She’s made herself well known to me with several letter already. Taking a quick peek it appears to be the normal stalker like letter about how much she dreams about meeting me. I’ll never understand how she already knew about humans but I know one thing for sure, she’s one crazy pony. Mainly the rest of the letters appear to be just hate mail from ponies, likely held up at their office because they’ve realized the issue as well. Sadly Derpy is oblivious to this and thought she was doing a good deed but I won’t hold a grudge.

One of the letters catches my eye, labeled from a ‘Familiar Friend’. I’m hesitant to open it, the potential of it carrying something like anthrax or some other Equestrian poison I’ve never heard of is always a possibility. They likely have spells to check for this though, so I shouldn’t worry. Breaking the crease, I open the letter slowly, flipping it over to let the contents fall out. It’s a small note. Picking it up I unfold the paper to take a peak, my hand begins to shake in anger as I scan the words.

‘I know where you live’

Its that fucking mare, I know it is

My first thought is to crumple up the note and throw it away, thankfully I’m smart enough to fold it back up and place it into my pocket. Maybe Twilight or Luna could have a way to trace the writing or something. In the meantime however, I certainly don’t have time to sit around defenseless, I need a way to even the playing field next time that mare tries something. An idea comes to mind, one I’ll store for later.

After reading that note I’ve now completely lost the appetite for any more of the letters, taking the pile with me. Sitting back onto my couch I think back today’s events.

That bitch at the first store was a real treat and the management? Unbelievable, no spine at all. At least I met that nice mare.... Sweet Tea? Sweetie? Oh god I’m terrible with names

It’s not unusual to meet a nice pony in Equestria rather the likelihood that one is nice to ME is the real surprise. Meeting that mare wasn’t life changing or anything but it’s reassuring to know there’s at least some ponies still out there on your side. I know what you’re thinking too, ‘why don’t you just do something to win ponies trust?’ well can you give any ideas? I can’t just start walking up to ponies saying, ‘Hey, got anything that you need help with’ with a fat smile and not expect them to either run away or yell. Most are terrified of me and the ones that aren’t are either too afraid to speak positively of me or hate me! My best shot is to lay low, do little things here and there and let my reputation slowly recover. Maybe if I had some super powers I could be some sort of hero but I don’t, I have unreasonable depression.

Letting out a large sigh I scan for any letters that are important and toss the rest into my fireplace. Something inside of me is regretful in destroying them, a small glimpse of hope that some of the letters aren’t hate related, wishful thinking. Setting my hope aside I lay back and try to nap away the day. It takes a bit before I realize my collars still on, ripping it off and throwing it across the room.

“Fucking collar”

Sleep comes much easier after that.

I have a small dream, it’s rather brief. Left within Luna’s chambers alone, a note is left for me on the table separating the two large chairs. Grabbing it it only reads two words, ‘I’m sorry’. Not exactly the best apology but were defiantly making progress now. She’ll have to talk with me once I come to Canterlot, hopefully then we can clear everything up.

*Creeeek* a noise comes from inside the house. Jolting up I look around with wide eyes expecting an intruder.... empty. There’s no one home, just the house making noise. I can still feel my heart pounding away.

I start to get frustrated, frustrated that I could be scared by that disgusting mare. How repulsed I feel thinking about her voice, the way she speaks. Give me the chance with her again and things would go much different. I’d break that fucking horn of her head and shove up her ass. It would be a little tough doing her dirty little magic without that precious little horn. Taking a few deep breaths to calm down I head over to the fridge to grab a drink. I need something hard.

Time passes and I get a little carried away, much more intoxicated than anticipated. Very rarely do I allow myself to get this tipsy but I needed something to take off the edge. Glancing to the clock I notice it’s almost time for Twilights party, it wouldn’t hurt to be early. Making sure to gargle some mouthwash to remove my breath, I struggle to get on my shoes without falling over a few times. I wouldn’t say I’m unable to think rationally at this point, just having a harder time with my balance ya know?

With the sun now gone beyond the horizon the winter cold seeps over Ponyville, sucking the life from each corner. The night removes any sort of heat that might have otherwise been left by the burning star above. It’s cold, real fucking cold yet the wind gives mercy on this night. I would call the general feeling a nip in the air. Thankfully Twilight’s home isn’t the farthest away so I’m able to get there before dying. (I’m being dramatic)

Also I forgot to mention that I did indeed grab AppleJacks present along with my collar, it currently rests loosely around my neck. Some knocks on the door eventually lead to a purple pony greeting me inside with a smile and hug.

“Place your gift on the table right there, we’ll do the exchange later tonight”

Following Twi, I place my gift onto the table and continue behind her. “Do you need any help with anything? I’m here kinda early so might as well help”

“I’m good, I’ve got most of the decorations set up a week before. Here come take a seat while we wait” she heads over to one of the couches near her fireplace to sit down.

Looking around I don’t notice Spike anywhere so it feels appropriate now to talk about the note. “Hey um... something happened and I need your help” I sit down across from her on the opposing couch.

She doesn’t notice at first the importance in my tone, “Another scheme for Spike or maybe some prank for Dash? I’ve told you already you can’t make yourself the opposite gender just for a joke! Plus ponies don’t even-“

“No it’s nothing like that! It’s... I got a letter from that pony”

“What pony?”

I shift awkwardly in my seat, “...That pony”

Her eyes widen for a moment then shift to a look of anger. “What’s it say? She didn’t attack you again did she?”

I shake my head no, “I’m fine... little... spooked is all. I really hate admitting that” I put my hands on my face dragging down in frustration. “Why does this shit have to happen to me”

“I’m glad to hear you’re fine but what did it say Joey?”

Pulling the note out from my pocket I hand it over, she pulls it close with her magic taking a quick look. Her focus shifts from me back to the note a few times, “This is very bad, you need to tell the guard about this Joey”

“Cmon Twi, there’s only so much they can do! It’s not like they’re gonna sit outside my house every night”

“Yea but they could keep a lookout, maybe find suspicious ponies around town that don’t like you. Even if it’s something little like checking through your mail, they might find that pony!”

“And what if they don’t? I can’t sit around waiting for her to come attack me again! This is why I said I need your help, there’s gotta be something you can do. Some spell you can put on me or a magic weapon, anything really”

She sits back thinking for a few seconds before lighting up. “I do have a horn ring used for spell protection but it’s a one time use... and it’s kinda for horns”

“Can’t I just have it on me? Will it work that way?”

Shrugging she says, “I don’t know, I’ve never used it before. It was a gift from my parents the year I moved here, they were worried about me being alone”

“What about a spell you can put on me?”

“Defense magic is very limited in time, a user can only be protected for an hour at most with even the best casters”

Frowning I’m left with no choice, “I guess I’ll take the ring for now”

“Okay let me go grab it” she gets up walking to the back room only to pause at the door, “have something to drink while I go find it, I got a bunch of wine!”

Sitting up I stick my tongue out at her, “Yuck! You know I hate wine!” I can hear her giggles through the door as she trots off.

Sure enough when I look in the kitchen there is a large assortment of wines. Disappointed that it wasn’t a joke I look through the cupboards for some of the old spots Twi hid her vodka. She barely drank it ever and I mean barely. Perfectly good liquor gone to waste. Not long after the start of my search I find the treasure, pouring a glass with some lemon lime mixed soda.

Shortly after my victory Twilight remerges from the back with a large ring around her horn. “Found it! And it still works too, here” she bends her head down lowering her horn.

Pulling it off I realize that despite the large size, it’s somewhat light in weight. It has to be at least an inch and a half in diameter with nothing flashy about it, almost like a silver wedding ring.

“Wow this is real cute, it’ll go great with my collar!” I give my best girly impression.

Twilight laughs grabbing hold of the ring with her magic. “Here let me put it on your collar for you so its always with you outside of home”

As she hooks it around the collars front ring I joke, “You don’t think it will fit around my finger?”

“Pfft maybe if you were a griffen!”

Stepping back she admires her work with a smile, “There, kinda looks nice with the collars color and all”

“Thanks master! I’ll make sure to give you tons a love tonight for my new tag!”

Twi blushes, “Jeez it’s for your protection, you don’t need to make me feel all dirty!”

Finishing my first glass I start to feel a little better, loosening up my attitude. “Oh come on, I bet you’re into that whole master pet shit anyway”

“I am not! That’s way too kinky for me! That sounds more like something Rarity would be into”

“Honestly I’d place my money on Shy, she’s all about animals and stuff anyway. Plus that quiet demeanor? She’s probably the freakiest in bed out of all of you”

Twilights face looks like it could give Rudolph’s nose a run for it’s money. “Can we stop talking about... ponies sex lives please? Especially the girls?”

I cross my arms with a grin, “Like you girls don’t talk about that kinda shit all the time in your little sleepovers”

“But.. that’s different! It’s just the girls”

“Are you saying I’m not a part of the girls? I’m offended”

She face hooves, “ugh you know what I meant!”

Laughing to myself a knock at the door saves Twilight from more abuse. Sitting back down on the couch with a refill I look over to see who’s arrived. It’s AppleJack, Fluttershy and Rarity.

“Sup girls!” I motion to come over. “Have a seat over here, me and Twi were just talking abo-“

“About how much Joey loves Hearths Warming! It’s that right?” Twilight interjects.

“Actually I-“

“What? Y’all got a hearths warmin back on yer planet?”

“No... I mean technically yes but it’s not called Hearths W-“

It appears it’s Rarity’s turn to interrupt now, “Isn’t that just splendid then? Don’t you feel a little more at home spending time with us this evening?”

“Yea I’d say it’s nice..” I glance at Shy preparing for her to interrupt forgetting she’s much to bashful for that. “Usually I’d spend this time with family”

Aj trots over to me and rubs my hair with a hoof, “Consider us family then!”

Normally I wouldn’t feel so emotional at such a trivial statement however my loosened state has me feeling a little vulnerable. I feel a little hot in the face, the same feeling before a cry. Thankfully I’m skilled in the art of hiding my feelings so I put on a happy face.

“Consider us family! I wouldn’t know any other ponies I’d rather spend the night with”

“Hey girls I got a bunch of Pinot noir and Chardonnay for tonight over here if you want” Twilight speaks up from the kitchen.

Rarity and Shy head over while Aj removes her saddlebag and draws from it a bottle of whiskey. She flashes me a wink, I chuckle giving one back. The few that were in the kitchen now head over to sit with us, Aj sitting to my left, Twilight on the loveseat between the couches and the last two on the opposing couch.

“So what’s the whole deal about Hearths Warming? Like what’s the purpose?” I’m sure I’ve been told before but currently it’s escaping me.

“You haven’t heard?” Rarity asks. “Twi would you be a dear and explain, surely you’d be the most qualified at such”

“Yea I agree, cmon nerdy enlighten me”

The girls giggle a little at my joke. Twilight does a good job at deflecting my comment with a flat look. I smile and let her explain.

“I would give you the extended history of the event but I’m sure you wouldn’t be that interested in all of that” I nod. “So I’ll stick to explaining the normal traditions. Usually most ponies exchange gifts, me and Spike the night before, then each pony really has different ways to celebrate. It’s a celebration of the pony races coming together instead of holding anger or hatred toward one another, uniting during one day to build the Equestria you now live in”

“So it’s like your founding day or whatever. The day you celebrate Equestria”

“Precisely dearie”

“Oh... so this is more like 4th of July but on Christmas... and celebrated like Christmas”

“Um.... sure?” Twilight says with a shrug.

“Welp” I lift my drink, “Here’s to Hearths Warming”

They all meet my glass before taking a drink. Another set of knocks gets Twilight from her seat but before she’s able to get up Dash barges in followed by Pinkie and Spike.

“Don’t worry the party is here now girls” Dash proudly remarks.

“You must be the clown we hired, come over here I’m dying for another joke”

“Who let Joey out of his cage? Somepony put him back before he wets the carpet”

Most of the girls seem to be on edge as if Dash’s words were too far. It’s not until I start laughing loudly that they realize it’s okay.

“Okay you win this time, that was nice” Dash smirks coming over to sit beside me on the couch. “Didn’t think you had it in you honestly”

“Eh, well you could say I’ve had some practice” she says while nudging me with a foreleg.

“Like master like pupil”

“Please I’m clearly the master”

“Masterbater”

Aj laughs loudly while Rarity tries to suppress a giggle, Shy is complete flushed and the others are too far away in the kitchen to see their reactions. It’s not long before the others rejoin us filling the seats around the fireplace full. Spike is left sitting on the floor yet said he doesn’t mind, something to do with his scales make things hard to sit on anyways.

“Sorry I was so late girls! The mayor wanted the town party to be extra super special and I couldn’t just leave early”

She’s met with a chorus of “you’re fine” or “it’s fine” in response.

“Hey least you made though. So Twi what’s first on the docket tonight?”

“Okay we can start with a few games to have some fun, then break into the cake. Finally finish the night with the gift exchange and anypony who’s not staying the night can head home”

Dash pokes me whispering, “You staying the night Joey?”

I shrug, “I don’t know maybe”

“Come on, it’ll be fun! When’s the last time you had a sleep over?”

“Shit when I was like 13 maybe? I don’t yet Dash, ask me again later”

She shrugs and we turn our focus back to Twilight. She’s pulled out a large board game, something close to that of Pictionary. Given my hands I figure myself to be the most advantageous to win this game yet the universe had other plans. Once we start, my team composed of Shy, Twilight, Spike, and myself start off hot until I get my first turn at writing. Pulling the card I can’t recognize the reference, it’s a word I’d never seen before.

“I don’t know what this is... can I draw another card?”

“What no! That’s not fair! We didn’t know the phrase for what Aj drew and she still went!” Dash exclaims.

“Fine, I’ll try my best” I sit back down with my card looking it back over before tipping the hourglass upside down.

The word written on the card is bucking. My first thought is like the thing a horse does when it’s trying to get you off but given the circumstances that’s likely incorrect. I can’t think of any people riding ponies around these parts so it has to be something else. My next thought is that it might be the word fucking for ponies but that seems inappropriate for a game like Pictionary. Stumped I decide to draw an image of a pony kicking, or at least the best I can draw of a pony. The time ticks away and incorrect guess after incorrect guess, my team fails to figure it out in time.

“Um... hoof standing?” Shy questions last just before the time runs out.

“No... honestly I really don’t know what this means”

“Here let me see it” Twi asks.

Taking it from my hand with her magic she gives a quick look and blushes up immediately. Reaching for the box her eyes widen, “Oh my, I didn’t realize this was an adult version”

The rest of the girls now look confused looking back to my drawing. “The hay did you draw?” Dash questions.

“I thought it meant... like kicking, I didn’t know”

“Whadid it say?”

“Bucking”

Half the group starts laughing while the other half seems embarrassed. I’m left in the middle completely lost on what’s going on.

Dash is the one to end my confusion, “Ha! That means the same thing as fuck!”

So I was right...

“Twilight why do you have an adult version of this game?”

“Yeah! What in tarnation were ya thinkin when ya bought it?”

“That’s really really really weird Twilight, even for me”

Twilight stands up in her defense, “I never bought it! It was probably a gift or something otherwise I would’ve know already!”

Spike shuffles over patting her shoulder, “Sure Twilight, whatever you say”

Frustrated Twilight sits back down with a flushed face. “I didn’t buy it...” her voice low enough so that we can barely hear.

Pinkie jumps up excitedly, “Okay our turn!” and the game continues.

Turn by turn, my disadvantage starts to become more and more evident. Several times the word, phrase, or pony is new knowledge making me useless during the round. By now however, it doesn’t bother me as much given my continued drinking. I’m not hammered or completely black out but defiantly inebriated. For some reason once I’ve reached this point I become a much more outgoing version of myself, awfully talkative and confident. Beside myself, only Dash, Aj, and maybe Pinkie have allowed themselves to go as far as me.

Looking over at the other team Dash carried a heavy blush and was likely useless for their team at this point. Aj remained stern though also carrying a blush. Lastly Pinkie I would only suggest was drunk due to her sudden quietness compared to normal. Their team seems to be in shambles and it’s match point.

Twilight flips the timer and starts her drawing. She stars with a bunch of star shaped objects on the paper, slowly connecting each with her pencil as she goes on. Within seconds I recognize the answer yet I’m bested by a voice on the other side, it’s Dash.

“Star, it’s... a shtar” Twi shakes her head no.

Grinning I take my guess, “Constellation?”

“Yes! That’s it we win!” Our team jumps up high hoofing each other while Dash stands up angrily.

“Whayt? That’s the shame thing!” Her voice slurred.

“No it’s not Dashie, there’s a difference. Ones a single star and another is a grouping of stars. How bout you learn up kid”

“Whatever... nerd”

Smiling I turn back to my team and pick up Spike throwing him into the air as best I can.

“Alright girls let’s break into the cake and open some gifts”

“Bout time...” Dash pouts.

I walk over and give her a hug with one arm, “Don’t be like that just cause ya lost, how are you gonna get any better without learning from your mistakes”

“Ugh.. pleash I don’t need a life lesshon”

Laughing I let her go and grab a slice of cake, leaning against the wall near the gift table.

Twilight grabs one of the gifts and reads the tag. “Okay so this one is for... Fluttershy! Who got Fluttershy’s gift?”

“I got it... I wasn’t sure what you’d like but I know you do like animals so..” Spike says bashfully.

Taking the gift Shy opens the box smiling once seeing what’s inside. “Oh I love it! This is so cute and perfect!” Its a sweater with a large bear on the front carrying a big pink heart between its claws.

“Really? Good I was kind of worried..”

“No this is wonderful Spike!” And to show off her appreciation she trots over planting a kiss on Spikes forehead. “Thank you!” She gives a large smile.

For some reason I’m the only one surprised at her sudden change of behavior but I guess that comes with the unfamiliarity. Meanwhile Spike stands there with a blush, putting a hand to his head in shock. The girls don’t take notice, their attention back to Twilight with the next gift.

He turns to see me standing there with the largest grin my face could potentially wield, plastered side to side. Immediately he frowns and looks away knowing all to well what I’m thinking.

Big Spike got a new crush

“..and this one is for Rarity”

“That was me Rare, reckon you might like a nice hoof sewn dress from the Apples. Granny Smith did most the work but she taught me a lil on how to stitch the sleeves”

Sure enough a plaid dress is pulled from the gift bag, Rarity tearing up at the sight. “Oh this is just wonderful. It’s so much... you Aj. I’ll have to swing by and thank you all for such a pleasure”

“Ah shucks, it was nuthin” the two seem to carry off to the side to continue their conversation.

“This ones for.. me!” She takes her gift putting it beside herself. “I’ll open it in a second once I get the rest of these passed out. Okay this one is for Spike”

“Thank you, and who got me?”

Dash raises a hoof. Spike smiles her way and opens his gift to see a purple headband for working out along with an amethyst.

“That’s cause I know you like eating gem shtones and the other *hick* is to wear when you’re working out round town for Twishlight”

“Thanks that’s pretty handy, and thanks for the gemstone, always a quick trick to my heart” he finishes with a crunch on his new snack.

How does that not hurt his teeth?

“This ones for Dash!” Like a flash of lighting she’s back to her spot with the gift in hand.

“Aw sick! It’s those wing weights I wanted!”

“Wow who could’ve guessed you’d get them after telling every pony that’s what you want” She sticks her tongue out at me while putting on her gift.

“We got one for Aj!”

I gulp, hoping that she’ll appreciate the gift at least. Aj heads over grabbing the gift looking around for the sender. I raise a hand.

“I gotcha, hope you like it” I give a hopeful smile.

Smiling back she shifts through the gift bag and takes out the hair bow. Inspecting it for a moment she smiles even brighter and takes off her Stetson. Placing it on the back of her mane where it separates the braided section from non, she comes over to me happily.

“That’s a real nice gift ya got me there partner, I really like the lil apple on there. How’d you get that on there?”

“Oh I met some pony named Sweetie Bee when I was out looking for a gift. She owns a little shop near the park that has a bunch of hoof sewn clothing and stuff like that”

“Well don’t let Rare hear ya say that.. she might think yer supportin her competition”

“Hey these lips are sealed” I say while closing an imaginary zipper across my mouth.

During my talk with Aj I notice I’ve missed a few gifts but a pony before me holds out a present. It’s Flutters holding a medium sized box wrapped in carrot wrapping paper. If I had to guess it’s probably some sort of clothing.

“Um... I hope you don’t mind it... I mean if you don’t like it I coul-“

Taking the box I interrupt her, “Please Flutters, I wouldn’t worry about that ever” I start unwrapping as I talk. “Plus even if I didn’t like a gift I’d still keep it. It’s the thought that counts!”

Held out in front of me is a white short sleeve button up shirt covered in several different symbols. At a closer look I see they are the cutie marks of each member of the elements. That isn’t all though, Lunas mark is there as well along with a green fireball representing Spike.

“I had uh... had a little h-help from Rarity to make it b-but I wasn’t sure if you’d like it” I look over to her with a large smile.

“This is right up my alley Shy I love it” a small warmth fills my chest knowing the hard work that probably went into this gift.

“Really? That’s great! I came up with the idea when I remembered you say something about missing your family. So I thought with this gift you could see us as your family every time you wear it” her smile makes my heart ache.

“That’s very thoughtful I... I don’t know what to say”

She steps closer giving me a small hug, “I want you to know that your not alone Joey and this shirt is to show all the ponies that are here for you”

Taken back by her words I return the hug but have to sit down for a second, emotions running rather high.

“Wow... that’s um...” my voice starts to crack. “That really means a lot... that really... really means a lot...”

Tears well up in my eyes as I have to bite my clenched fist to hold back crying. Most of the girls notice the exchange by now and huddle around me one by one. A few tears escape down my face.

“Yer always welcome with the Apples Joey”

“I’ll always have my door open when you need help”

“Spike and I will be here for you whenever you need us!”

“Don’t be afraid to come over darling, I love to have a handsome stallion around to help”

“You can count on Pinkie to be there every step of the way no matter what!”

This just leaves Dash, we all turn to look her way. Facing away she breaks the silence. “You’re a pretty good friend Joey... so let’s have some more fun in the future...” she looks back to me for a second before blushing, “Stop staring it’s embarrassing” We all share a small laugh as Pinkie pulls Dash into the group hug.

She can’t help but smile once we’re all together.

Pulling away she brushes herself off still red faced “So now what Twilight? Got any more egghead ideas of how to pass the time?”

With a smirk Twi replies, “Are you spending the night because I don’t think it’s important for you to know otherwise”

“Eeehh maybe. I don’t know yet.... depends on what I’ll miss”

“Guess you’ll just have to stay to find out...”

Dash starts to grit her teeth, “Cant you just tell me?!”

Back near the fireplace I chirp, “Where’s the fun in that?”

“While y’all keep bickerin, I gotta head home. Y’all know how us Apples like to open our presents in the mornin”

“Yes it’s about time I head back as well. I shouldn’t keep Sweetie all alone this late”

Quietly Shy steps up as well, “And I um... need to head home too. Angel gets real lonely when I’m gone too long”

The group all gives their goodbyes waving each other out the door until we’re back to where we were before. It’s a standoff between Twilight, Dash and I.

“I’m not leaving until you tell me” she crosses her hooves next to me on the couch.

“Sounds like you’ll get to see anyways”

“I don’t want to have to wait and see! I’m tired, woozy, and I don’t even want to think about waking up here tomorrow!”

“Then go home”

“BUT I WANNA KNOW!”

Simultaneously Twi and I respond, “Know what?”

Pinkie meanwhile let’s this whole debacle go on behind her as she finds herself invested in the gift Twilight got her. Even in its simplicity, the pellet drum keeps Pinkie completely engulfed in amazement.

“You two are going to give me a heart attack, I’m going home”

“Okaaay but you’re gonna miss ooouuuut!”

“Don’t care... don’t have time... going home”

Shutting the door behind her we wait a moment in silence to see if she’s really gone. Eventually Pinkie walks over opening the door to reveal Dash leaning against it with her ear pressed. The sudden change causes her to fall face first into the wood floor. Almost cartoon like her face seems to suction cup off the floor when she pulls away.

“Hiya Dash! You staying the night?”

“NO! I’m going home for real now!”

Fast forward 20 minutes and it’s Dash, me, Twi, Spike, and Pinkie all surrounding the fireplace. Pinkie finds herself wrapped around my arm leaning into me while Twilight and Spike share their own couch opposing us. Dash splits the difference on the loveseat with an angry look.

Twilight leads the charge with a raised hoof, “I thought it would be a fun time for a game of truth... or dare!” Raising an eyebrow I speak up.

“Yea... I don’t know if that’s a great idea I mean Spikes like 12, Pinkie here is a total perv, Dash is fuckin wasted and you’re grinning ear to ear. Not saying I have spider senses or anything but this reeks bad news”

“Oh come on! Who would’ve thought you’d be the first to disagree” Spike in the meantime mutters behind Twilight, something about not being 12.

“Yeah big guy what gives? Thought you were the life of the party?”

“Didn’t you literally say that yourself when you walked in the door?” She pauses in thought.

“No... well not exactly”

I look to Spike thinking he’ll agree with me, “What do you think?”

Shrugging he says, “Sure why not”

“Alright! Let me get a bottle to spin” Getting up Twi rushes to the kitchen.

“Hey can you get me a glass of water while you’re up?”

By now I’m not feeling to well, wishing I’d stopped a few drinks before.

“What’s a matter big guy? Can’t handle a few drinks?” Dash says with a grin.

“There’s like so many ways I could destroy you right now” Spike can’t help but laugh.

Twilight quickly returns placing our spinning bottle down on the table between us also handing me a glass of water at the same time.

“Okay here’s our bottle and we’ll do oldest pony goes first!”

“Nah how about humans go first... oh what do you know, it’s my turn!”

Pinkie jumps up from cuddling my arm, “I say we spin for it!”

Taking a moment to realize how easily that solves our problem I have to cough into my hand to relive myself of my own stupidity. Twilight seems to share the same feeling looking away toward the wall.

“Oh yeah... that’s a good idea... why didn’t I think of that”

Spinning the bottle it eventually ends on Spike causing him to get up and spin it again. Whirling it’s way round and round it eventually comes to a slow halt directly pointed toward me.

“Now you say truth or dare Joey”

“I know how to play purple, dare”

“Hmm, I dare you to... be walked like a dog”

I shift my head backward in confusion, “What? That’s fuckin weird bro”

“Is it too embarrassing?”

Pinkie starts making chicken noises beside me.

“Ugh fine! Who’s got a leash? Nopony? Welp too bad looks lik-“

“Actually I got a leash in the drawer over there. Sometimes I watch Aj’s dog and I needed an extra leash just in case”

Smiling brightly with an involuntary eye twitch I lean back into my seat. “Now isn’t that convenient huh?”

Pinkie chooses now to emerge from behind me with a worried glance, “Spike I don’t know if this is really okay with Joey I mean it bot-“

I stop her right there, “Pinkie it’s fine, I’ll get him back later” giving a wink at the end.

She sits back down still worried but willing to respect my decision. “Okay”

While Pinkie voiced her concern, Twilight had gone and gathered the leash floating it toward me. Catching it in my hand I take the time to loop it around the front loop along with the ring from earlier.

“What’s that ring? I don’t remember seeing that before?” Pinkie asks.

“Oh I had it lying around here for a while. It’s a defensive spell bound ring that protects the wearer from one magical attack”

“Why’s Joey need that? Are you worried about somepony hurting him cause I won’t let anything happen to him on my watch! I’ll have you know I know karate!” She proceeds to chop the air with several attacks.

“Yeah Twi, you know I wouldn’t let that happen either. Nopony can escape me, the fastest flyer in Equestria”

Twilight sits back down in her chair with a smile, “Of course you two would protect him from anything but that’s not why I did it. He asked me to” They both look in my direction.

Shrugging I’m left with no choice but to tell the truth, “I’m worried about that fucker coming back and trying something so I asked Twilight for some help”

“Why didn’t you tell me you were worried earlier stupid?”

“Maybe cause I wasn’t! Plus you don’t even know magic!”

“Do too! Pegasus have magic right Twilight”

She rubs her foreleg in a bashful manner, “I don’t think that’s what Joey’s talking about”

“What are you taking about then?” She shifts her attention back to me.

“The kind of magic that protects or attacks and shit not the kind that lets you hold a friken cup without fingers” I flex my fingers demonstrating what I mean.

She huffs in annoyance, “Okay I guess you’re right then in this case... but tell me sooner next time okay?”

“Again I said I wasn’t even worried til today”

“What changed?”

“She sent me a letter”

“She did what?!?” Dash starts to fume at this point, ready to explode.

“I got a letter in the mail today and I think it was that... pony” Visible disgust washes over my face at just the thought.

“Well I know the mail mare Derpy so I can go ask her who sent it and we can trace it back to the sender right?”

We all seem to agree with Dash’s plan nodding our heads. “Sounds like a pretty good plan actually”

“Yep! I’ll go to the post office tomorrow and ask around for you” she’s says with a salute.

I salute back, “Aye aye captain, we will await your orders”

“Can we get back to the game?” Spike interrupts us from the moment, tapping his foot impatiently.

“Yeah yeah I get it. You just want to walk me already you little pervert so let’s get it over with”

Giving Spike the collar he waits patiently for something, I shrug my shoulders. “I said like a dog dude”

“Yeah and what’s that supposed to mean? You only said like a dog”

“Well dogs walk on four legs do they not?”

“And you didn’t specify that so take what you can get fire boy” actually a little angry that he even wanted to pull an act like this over me I start to get an idea in my head. “Actually this dog has to pee so walk me to the potty”

“Ew no way!”

“Uh oh this doggy doesn’t behave either! Looks like he has a bad tugging problem” I start to pull Spike with me toward the bathroom.

“Alright that’s enough jeez! You win you win...”

Pulling off the leash I give a bow, “Thank you, thank you very much!” I get some claps from both Twilight and Pinkie.

Having to actually piss, I leave shortly to take care of business and return to quite the sight. The group has gathered around a very hot faced Twilight with the rest currently giggling.

“What did I miss?”

“She said truth so Dash asked who was her first crush and Twilight said-“

“Now now there isn’t any need to repeat that now isn’t there?”

Smiling I sit back beside Pinkie, “Now I’m curious. Who’d she say?”

Still laughing Dash is barely able to get out, “S-star swirl the B-bearded!”

A familiar name but the joke doesn’t hit me. “Why’s that so funny?”

“Cause he’s an old geezer! And he’s like super dead!”

“I was a young filly alright! He was super gifted in magic and stuff so I kinda always looked up to him”

Now knowing the joke a little too late I settle for a single huff, “Wow, kinda weird there purple”

Still blushing she puffs her cheeks, “Spin the bottle Joey it was supposed to be your turn before you left”

I give it a nice spin before it lands on myself so I spin it again. This time it points at Spike.

“Well look at this... isn’t this... interesting” a large mischievous grin makes its home across my lips.

“Truth! I choose truth!”

Laughing like a madman I point his way, “You think that’ll save you? News flash, you’re beyond saving now”

“Yeah real scary”

“Spike Maxwell Williams the third... have you ever jerked off to Rarity?”

Brightly blushing he stands up pointing back to me, “That’s a ridiculous question!”

“The court demands an answer Williams”

“Yeah Williams!” Pinkie shouts. “We want an answer! We want an answer!”

He looks away with embarrassed, “No! I never had”

I look to Twilight, “Can you tell if he’s lying?”

“Yeah cause I’ve heard him doing that nasty stuff before at night”

“What!?!”

Twilight still embarrassed from before now seems to be at her wits end if she has to gone on like this. “Maybe be a little quieter Spike alright! This house isn’t exactly soundproof..”

“Williams!” I shout. “You’ve lied in a court of law and therefore find yourself sentenced to a penalty. We shall let the people decide your fate” I turn back to the others, “What are we gonna make him do?”

Moving together we place ourselves into a small huddle. “We could make Spikey do a bunch of silly things like eat a spoonful of cinnamon”

“Or we could dress him up like mare”

“Could make him wear a collar like me, that way he’ll think again about fucking with me”

The girls seem to be slightly disturbed by my suggestion but ignore its weirdness. “I like the mare idea let’s do that!”

So soon enough we go back to the game with a new Spike taking her place next to Twilight with a frown.

“Alright Twi you spin it since it was supposed to be your turn anyways”

“What about my turn!” Spike shouts.

“You already went and Twi had to admit her weird crush already. Give the mare a break will you”

“Thanks for reminding me Joey” she says with a flat face, spinning the bottle til it stops on Pinkie.

Our game keeps going for a few more rounds until every pony has gone at least twice at both spinning the bottle and being truth or dared. The night seems to be getting late and Dash is struggling to stay awake. I too have drank more than my fair share and find myself rather tired as well, somewhat falling asleep while Pinkie cuddles against me.

“I guess we should call it a night, everypony here seems to be getting a little tired” Twilight gets up taking care of the bottle and a few plates with the help of Spike. “Joey you can stay in your old room if you’d like. Noponies slept in it since you moved out”

“Alright thanks” I have to shake my head to stay awake. Pinkie seems to be leaching the energy straight from my body through her little hug. “Okay Pinkie let me go”

She fights against my tug with a pouty face, “No I’m too comfy right here”

Dash suddenly speaks with half lidded eyes, “How about.... you two.... lovebirds...” and then passes out completely.

Chuckling at the sight I finally pull away from Pinkies hold. “Joey! What the hay! I didn’t get enough cuddles and you know it”

“You’ve gotten plenty already now settle down goober” I walk into the kitchen greeting Spike and Twi. “You two need any help or?”

Twi turns back to the living room and points to Dash, “Could you get her a blanket and a pillow for me? Shes likes sleeping on the couch when she stays over so that’s probably where’s she’s gonna be for tonight”

“Easy enough”

Following her commands I head over to the closet and grab a blanket and pillow from her extra sets. Once I’ve made my way back to Dash I gently lift her head placing the pillow beneath and cover her in a blanket. She snores loudly with her mouth wide open.

“...never tuck me in” Pinkie says grumpily behind me.

“You sleep in my bed every night you spoiled little filly”

Pinkie places a hoof over her mouth aghast, “You sleep with fi-“

“Don’t you finish that line pink or you’ll be sleeping out here with Dash”

Her eyes light up at what I said, “Wait you’re letting me sleep with you tonight? Wowee this night keeps getting better and better!”

“Shhhh! Quiet!” I loudly whisper.

Pinkie zips her lips bouncing up and down in excitement. “I think I’ll go there now. I’ll be waiting...” she says the last part sultry while showing off her hips with each step.

My lord you pervert

“You sleep with Pinkie?”

I jump up from fright at the whispery voice behind me. Turning to look I see it’s Spike.

“Jesus Spike you’re going to kill me sneaking around like that” his face is slightly blushed for some reason.

“So you’re admitting you’ve slept together?”

“Oh... yeah she sleeps with me all the time” his face goes through an array of emotions from disbelief, confusion, then embarrassment.

“But I thought... didn’t you say you didn’t find Ponies attractive like that?”

Now it’s my turn to be confused, “What are you talking about? Why does that matter with conversation?”

He seems almost offended at my question, “What do you mean? Don’t two ponies n-need to love each other to... do that?”

“Why the fuck would I need that? I’d sleep with anypony I know close. Long as they keep their distance”

Finally some realization hits Spike at what I’m referring to. “Ohhhh you’re talking about just sleeping. I was gonna say”

“Wait you thought we were fuckin?”

He burns brightly at the word, “Hey easy dude! Don’t say that so loud Twilight might here”

“Why would she care if... actually never mind dumb question”

“Yeah... remember? She likes you dude so you and Pinkie being all touchy tonight? I know she won’t say anything or show it but that probably makes her really jealous”

I give a disbelieving look, “Yeah right like a few cuddles would make Twi jealous” I turn and look to see Twilight putting away the rest of the cake. She doesn’t seem any different. “Are you sure?”

“Listen, if I were her and you were Rarity with some other stallion? I’d be mad”

“You can’t compare yourself to Twilight, she’s a completely different person... pony”

“Hey it’s just a thought” he leaves me after saying that, heading back to help in the kitchen.

Left with my thoughts I start heading to my old room in the tree home.

Spikes making that up, I’m positive

Truthfully I’m not positive at all but it’s what will help me sleep at night. Opening the door to my old room there’s a certain nostalgic feel, so many days spent sleeping here. I spent my first days in Equestria in this very same room. Nights spent wondering my existence here, the very purpose of my arrival from Earth. It’s an existential question that still eludes me to this day. Is there even a purpose? Is this all just by happenstance? My own thoughts are interrupted by the pink pony laying in my bed.

“Having an existential crisis?”

Her ability to surprise me is second to none

“Kinda” I get into bed and under the covers with Pinkie.

“Well I think it matters why you’re here and that you should enjoy the time you have no matter what”

I sigh, “Easier said than done”

Pinkie scoots over, hugging against me like before. “Why are you letting me sleep with you tonight? Aren’t you worried that Twilight would get mad at us?”

“First off it’s your fault cause you attach yourself to me every night so I can’t sleep without you. Secondly why would Twi be mad?”

“Cause were her guests! Isn’t it inappropriate to sleep together under her roof? What if she thinks we’re gonna do the nasty!”

I shush her with a finger, “Yelling out ‘do the nasty’ doesn’t exactly help our case here and what is Twilight to us? She’s not either of our parents so why would she care? Also she knows we wouldn’t do anything like that... at least she knows I wouldn’t”

“Come on Joey I would never”

“Then why do you think she’d think we would?”

She stays still for a moment, “I don’t know” she giggles. “Maybe I felt like messing with you”

“Ugh... more like messing with me you perv”

“Hey that was you saying that not me! You’re the pervert for even thinking that!”

“You probably get off to the smell of my dirty clothes when I’m not around don’t you?”

“Nah, I like to use your toothbrush after you’re done using it. That’s all”

I can tell she’s joking and start tickling her for even saying that. Giggling loudly she gets pinned under me fairly easy. “You’re a dirty mare”

She stops giggling for second and looks me in the eyes, “I’m your dirty mare” giving a wink at the end.

The instant she speaks I’m caught off guard, Pinkie uses the slip up to take control pinning me down. She starts her own tickle attack in retaliation.

“Please! Please god stop, it was deserved you miscreant!” She tickles me for a few seconds against my pleas eventually stopping with a smile.

“Ha! Size doesn’t always matter Joey and don’t forget that!”

“Okay okay, I get it... don’t tickle me anymore”

Given the pause I soak in the situation around me realizing that I’m completely pinned beneath Pinkie. Easily I could flip her off me but that wouldn’t change the fact that this situation is breeding grounds for another panic attack. Only it doesn’t come. Whether it’s because of the drinking or perhaps I’m getting better, I don’t really care. I’d be happy without any explanation so long as I don’t freak out from now on. Pinkie seems to remember my discomfort in these situations and gets off me.

“Sorry... I forgot again”

“You’re fine... I don’t feel like I’m gonna freak out like normal so..”

“Do.. do you think you’re getting better?”

I shrug, “I don’t know... maybe, maybe not”

She can’t help but make a worried face, “I hope you feel normal again Joey. It hurts knowing that you’re suffering”

The word suffering seems to trigger a response in me, “Don’t call it suffering... I’m sure there’s much worse things that other ponies are going through”

Pinkie let’s out a little huff, “Ya know you can be really stoopid sometimes” I give a confused look. “Why do you feel like it’s not okay to say you’re hurting?”

“I never said I wasn’t hurting”

“But you’re downplaying your issue! Even I notice that silly” she boops me on the nose with her hoof making me blink.

I really do keep doing that

“Sorry... I don’t... I never liked attention and I still don’t. So saying something like I need help makes me feel like I’m asking for attention or that a bunch of people are going to be paying attention to me closer. I just wanna be in the background, behind the scenes. I never wanted anything more than that”

She hugs my arm tightly with a sad expression. “I’m sorry Joey I never knew that. I’m used to being the center of attention so I can’t relate that much but I do know how it feels when you want to be alone... if that’s similar”

“Kinda only I don’t want to be alone... I’m terrified of being alone” I turn to her saying the last part with sadness in my eyes.

Pinkie doesn’t say anything rather hugs herself deeper into me almost like an invitation to let it out. I don’t feel like I need to tonight though, settling for returning the hug instead.

“You don’t have to worry about that anymore” she says this at a whisper and suddenly I feel like maybe tonight is a good night for a cry.

To my credit though I manage to suck it up only letting out a few sniffles. After this I try to sleep although after tonight’s activities and feeling exhausted, sleep still evades me. Looking down at Pinkie I can’t tell if she’s asleep so I whisper to her.

“You awake?”

“Hm?” Her tone let’s me know she’s just hanging in there.

“I can’t sleep”

“Hmm maybe .....” she mumbles the last part trailing off.

“Sorry I’ll let you sleep”

Quickly she opens her eyes giving me her attention although doesn’t seem awake. “No no... what’s wrong?”

I can’t help but feel bad now, like I made her worry for nothing. “Nothing... I just can’t sleep. There’s nothing you can do to help so I shouldn’t even be bothering you”

She gives me a look that I can’t read, maybe she’s nervous? “Can... can I kiss you? Maybe you need to relax”

Strange request given the time and situation but I’m curious to see why. “Sure I guess... but I don’t see-“

I stop mid sentence due to Pinkie closing the gap between us, her gaze moves from my lips to my eyes. Accepting her approach I close my eyes waiting for her touch. At the last second I can feel her heat before our lips meet. While not as passionate as two lovers, it’s a gentle smooch with loving touch and lasts for a handful of seconds. Stopping she pulls away laying atop of me with her head resting aside mine.

“Can I kiss you again?”

“Pinkie what’s the big deal? How’s this gonna make me fall asleep?”

She’s silent and speaks just before I go to ask again. “I thought you might not be able to sleep because you’re worried about being alone” I’m the quiet one now not giving a reply. “Can we kiss again?”

“...sure”

Again we press against each other although this time things are a little more heated. Together our movements become more forceful, with meaning. Pinkie seems to get a little to into it and starts grinding into me. I’m too focused elsewhere to notice right away only coming to realize after we part again. There’s also the reemergence of a certain feeling although this time somethings different, it’s stronger. Like being nervous or feeling sick, I can’t ignore it. Once separated I take a second to admire the situation. Both our faces are surely hot but the night hides any trace of color. Things don’t get awkward until I notice a wetness down below, and it’s not from me.

“Sorry! I got a little carried away, I’ll go to sleep now goodnight Joey” she says every word after sorry at an incredible speed leaving me speechless.

“Pinkie?”

“I can’t hear you I’m sleeping”

“.. we got a little carried away”

She turns back towards me with embarrassment practicality bleeding from her pores. “We’re both a little tipsy so let’s pretend that never happened okay? Our little secret!”

Her behavior is very odd from what I’m used to. Normally she can keep her cool but this time she seems to be flustered more than she can manage. Truthfully it goes both ways as that sickness still nags at me, brewing away in my stomach. I feel compelled to act.

“Um... yeah you’re probably right” She gives an awkward smile and rolls back over away from me. “But I I’d like to remember” she goes to turn over yet stops halfway.

“You should get some rest Joey, you’ve been very... silly tonight”

Wether it’s the alcohol or my balls finally dropping I realize I don’t want to wait anymore. It could be drastic behavior but something feels right about doing this now. Grabbing Pinkie by the front leg I flip her back over, our faces only an inch apart. When our eyes meet I can tell she’s surprised at my sudden change of behavior with a shocked expression. It doesn’t take long though for her to collect herself and look away flushed.

“Joey I don’t know if we should-“

Pulling her face to me I silence her with a kiss. Things starts slow, hesitation on Pinkies part but as I start to pull her more into me she begins ease up closing her eyes. Again our bodies seem to intertwine with hooves and hands wrapping one another almost desperately. Like a thirst I feel a need for more, as if her lips weren’t enough to satisfy me. Pinkie starts to grind against me again, doing what her body pleads. It’s obvious we both want more, a lust for the ultimate pleasure. By now our tongues have met, my own eager to explore what Pinkie has to offer. She takes her own time to explore me as well pulling away while breathing heavy.

“Your canines are kinda hot. Makes me feel a little scared... I like it”

Smiling at her silliness I lay my face beside her own with my elbows bent in order to keep my full weight from pressing down. “I told myself I’d wait to make a decision but I can’t wait anymore, I’m ready to give you an answer”

“Do you think it’s okay that we’re doing this not sober? I don’t want to feel like I pressured you into this or anything”

“I’m telling you now you didn’t pressure me. I probably should’ve done this sooner honestly instead of being such a prune”

“I don’t think you were being a prune Joey, you were just worried about rushing things that’s all”

“Yeah but at what cost? I should’ve gave you answer right away”

“But you didn’t know how you felt yet”

“Maybe I did... and I was just afraid of losing this... us. I didn’t want my decision to change the way you felt around me so I felt like if I didn’t say no you’d be my friend still”

“Even if you said no Joey I’d still be there no matter what. I love you, I told you that already and that means no matter what you’d have me there.. even if you didn’t love me back”

“I guess I should’ve realized that before, I kinda experienced that very same feeling myself in the past”

She gives a small kiss on my cheek, “So you’re saying now that you love me?” Her whisper creates tingles across my body.

“Yeah... I think I do”

“Can you say it to me then... please?”

Biting my lip from being embarrassed I suck up the pride and look Pinkie in the eyes. “I love you” She smiles brightly with tears in her eyes.

“I always w-worried I’d n-never hear that” I give her a tight squeeze and continue.

“I know I can be trouble but can you be patient with me? I can be really stupid and thick headed but I promise I’ll give you my everything”

Laughing she wipes the tears coming from her eyes, “Joey I already know how stupid you can be” she gives me a kiss on my forehead. “And I love that about you... I love everything about you”

“Even my bad jokes?”

“Yes heh, even your bad jokes”

I lay my face back down into the bed but make sure to lay next to Pinkie rather than atop, leaving just my arm draped over her. “You’re a fucking saint for putting up with me”

Giggling she ruffles my hair, “Eh, you come with your benefits... like cuddles” Flipping back over I can’t help but start laughing. “What? What’s so funny?”

“How do we explain to Twilight the smell on her sheets?”

“What do you *sniff* oh... that’s kinda naughty” she says while placing a hoof over her growing smile.

“Yeah.. it is. Plus I know you ponies smell shit super hard so if I can smell this then how long will it take for Twilight to? She’s gonna beat me up, watch”

“She’s probably gonna think we had some fun and give me a stern yelling, it’s nothing I can’t handle” she says with a wink.

We both sit there in silence gazing into each others eyes.

“So, we’re a thing now right?”

“Yuppie we sure are”

“... that’s pretty cool”

She laughs and meets me with another kiss, “Let’s catch some z’s joofus, it’s probably the smart thing to do”

“Joofus?”

“Joey and dofus, I thought of it myself”

“Duh”

“So you like it?”

“No that’s terrible, call me anything else even love... not in public though, that’s super embarrassing”

Smiling she hugs against me, “Okie Dokie!”

“Night Pinkie”

“Night lovey”

It was the best night sleep I’d ever had followed by the worst morning sickness I’d felt since arriving here. What a weird way for things to turn out. Hopefully I made the right decision and not something rash, only time will tell.