The wind whispers across the many plains that surround the small town of Ponyville. Another morning breeding life over the horizon through the heat of Celestia’s sun. A thin frost layers the lawn out front of Ponyville clinic, a resting place for those injuries and sick. It’s shortly after the winter wrap up but, the winter chill still resides even if the ponies have prepared for the spring. Mother Nature changes for no one yet, this would be the last time of this year that snow covers this land. Melting away at the suns embrace it’s liquid form makes residence with the earth below.

Taking a closer look inside we find the many hallways filled with pleasing colors and lively decorations. Unlike a human hospital, ponies take decor a bit more seriously settling for a more inviting feel then that of a sanitized human experience. Along with the environment, the staff remain littered throughout the building. Most tired from a long night shift, prepping for the journey home while others are arriving with their morning coffee. It’s quiet, relaxing, and uneventful.

With a walk up to the top floor and a stroll down the hall toward the clinics special cases unit, a single door separates us from the resident alien Joey Marshall. Coming up to the glass window on the door a ponies reflection can be seen, purple and nerdy. Twilight peeks inside to see a very bandaged up Joey along with a sleeping Pinkie Pie draped over his side, her butt resting on the seat next to him. With a light push of the door Twilight snakes her way into the room and sits down on a couch near the window.

With top floor patient rooms, the provided space is much roomier than usual filled with all types of emergency closets filled to the brim with potential amenities for non pony patients. To the right of Joey’s bed sit a two person couch placed under the shades of a window. A small bookshelf makes use of passing time for guests however, Twilight was sure to bring her own entertainment in the book ‘Helping with traumatic injuries, A guide to recovery with friendship’. Talk about cheesy.

Giggling at the sight of Pinkies large snot bubble her smile fades fast when her eyes continue to travel across the bed. Joey had several injuries, most more serious than minor. A punctured lung, multiple broken ribs, a deep stab wound just missing his liver, a fractured wrist, rope burn along his neck, and a strange pattern going from his neck to partially up the left side of his face and down the left half of his torso. The doctor referred to it as Lichtenberg figure scarring, a possible symptom of being struck by lightning. Apparently even if that ring saved his life, it wasn’t properly placed around a horn making all those near suffer the residual energy from its aftershock. Joey was alive though and stable, even if a week had past since the event.

Taking a closer look it had been a while since he had been able to clean himself properly, his greasy hair grown halfway down his neck. His beard hairs roughly half an inch. Speaking of his face it almost slipped Twilights mind! He’d been beaten viciously as well, bruised and swollen in most areas of soft tissue.

It was a miracle he’d survived even after Luna found him right after his fight. Thankfully she had placed a teleporting rune on his collar in case he would ever go missing so once it was made apparent he was gone she immediately found his location. Things went by so fast and sudden.

At first it was concerning. Pinkie mentioned that Joey went to talk with Luna real quick and would join us shortly after but, as the day went on his lack of arrival seemed more suspicious. Then just before I’d sent a letter to Luna, princess Celestia had arrived looking for Joey, insistent that she apologized for something. Once we all figured out that nopony knew where he was, Luna was quick to disappear, saving him from certain death. I never seen the two matriarchs so shook up before, honestly it was frightening.

With a little magical healing something Luna struggled with unlike Celestia, she was able to get him steady enough to be transferred to Canterlot’s private palace infirmary. We didn’t even know what had happened for a few hours until we had found Luna again. Days had passed and yesterday they deemed him steady enough to transport back home, taking us to where we are now. I had so many questions that needed answers.

With a sigh Twilight reached into her saddlebag and grabbed a blank journal from within. Taking a second to appear an ink and quill, she writes on its front ‘property of Joey Marshall’. It was a gift, a journal for him to write in to help relieve stress. Twilight has her own personal journal she enjoyed filling so as a way to pass the time she figured he could use one as well, only if he’d wake up.

Yawning, Pinkie stirred noticing that Twi had taken a seat behind her. She can’t not smile at the sight of her friend. “Hi Twilight” she whispers as if she could wake him at any moment.

Twi gave a pained smile after taking a closer look at Pinkie. Her eyes were heavy and her hair messier then normal, she’d been there almost every night since they found him.

“Pinkie maybe you should head home and get some rest”

“I’ll be fine silly, plus… I’m home wherever Joey is” she turns back to face Joey only for a moment. “It’s kinda lonely with the house all empty. Maybe we should get a puppy! Or maybe… maybe I should ask Joey first…” her ears flatten.

Taking a few steps closer Twilight puts her hoof on Pinkies side guiding her down off the stool. “Maybe you should get some rest and something to eat okay? What would he want you to do in this situation?”

Opening her mouth she pauses, then concedes to Twilights logic. “He IS a big worry wort, I guess your right. Who’s going to watch him though if he wakes up? I have to stay in case he wakes up!”

Twilight giggles and has to push the stubborn Pinkie out the door herself. “It’ll be fine! I’m going to be here until you get back. How’s that sound?”

“But-“

“I’ll even tell you when he wakes up okay?” Hesitantly Pinkie shuffles in place, unsure what to do. With a smile and a hug Twilight leans into her ear, “I promise”

Pulling away Pinkie nods in acceptance and slowly trots away, looking back the entire time until she reaches the stairs. Her expression is heartbreaking to Twilight but, it’s for the best she gets some rest. Heading back into the room Twi hops back onto the couch a peels into her book. This is the perfect task for a pony like Twilight.

The day ticks on and a few of the girls come and go including Spike as well. They say hello and keep Twi company for some of the time, Dash staying the longest. She had arrived with AppleJack but, decided to stay longer. It was clear she blamed herself for some odd reason, like she could have prevented this all from happening. That was the protective nature inside of her peeking through, always willing to do anything to keep her friends safe. She even took the time to talk with him about her day after asking for some privacy. For Dash this was a touchy subject, Twilight wouldn’t dare interrupt.

Now left alone again and the day almost over Twilight was left with nothing to do having finished her book. With curiosity she looked to Joey’s sleeping body. Could he hear us this whole time? Was he stuck in some limbo? Or was he completely gone, devoid of any thought, to awake from his trauma in an entirely different scenario.

She hopped up onto the stool next to him, looking over his injuries. “You really are lucky…” her voice is low and quiet. “If you… I… I never could’ve forgiven you if you died that day Joey”, tears glimmer in her eyes. “You don’t get to just leave us like that… leave me…”

“That’s real cute Twi” Her eyes widen at the sound. Looking up she sees his eyes partially open with his focus on her. “Also kinda selfish don’t you-“

With a leap she hugs him in a suffocating grasp, tears breaking down her face. “Joey!” She croaks out. “Sweet Celestia you’re awake!”

“…killing me…”

She pulls away bashfully, wiping the tears from her face. “Heh, sorry”

“No it’s fine I get it. Your trying to finish the job”

Giggling she can’t keep her eyes off him. “Good to know you still haven’t changed”

Smiling for a bit I change my tone to a more serious one. “Seeing how I’m not dead, how long was I out?”

“About a week. Honestly your lucky your even alive! If it wasn’t for Luna we would’ve never found you”

I frown remembering the last moment I saw her, “Where is she by the way and what happened?” Taking a look down my own body I continue my questions, “I didn’t lose any limbs or anything right?”

“No, your all in once piece!”

I exhale, “That’s nice to know. So how’d she find me?”

“Well apparently she had placed a rune in your collar that can be teleported to at any moment so when we learned you were missing she left right away”

“Sounds like overprotective Luna…” Smiling I remember the ring Twilight gave me. “Oh by the way that ring you gave me ended up coming in clutch. You saved my life purple!”

“Yeah but, look what it did to your skin!” She poofs a small handheld mirror for me to check myself out. “If I was really helpful I would’ve found a way to make it work for you specifically!”

Grabbing the mirror I scratch behind her ear, “Oh please save the humbleness, you saved my life” taking a look I notice the scars coming from my neck across the left side of my body. Their pattern a red etched vein work throughout my side, even reaching the left side of my face ending just above my eye.

“Not gonna lie but, I kinda look badass as long as you don’t get really close”

“I’m really sorry Joey”

I place a finger on her mouth shushing her, “Close your eyes”

Confused she listens to my instructions and sits there with her eyes closed waiting. “Now what?”

Leaning forward I place a hand on the side of her face while giving a passionate kiss. She opens her eyes surprised but, doesn’t pull away. When I stop she seems slightly bummed it was over so soon. Blushing brightly she looks away to the floor.

“That’s a gift for my hero” I give her a wink.

Hopping down she heads over to her bag embarrassed, “I just r-remembered I told P-Pinkie I’d tell her w-when you waked up s-so…”

“Twi?”

“Hm?” She met my eyes for second before looking away again.

“You were right” confused again she meets my stare. “After almost dying and my talk with Luna I realized something. I was being selfish. I shouldn’t dictate what you think is important, so I want to say I’m sorry”

“I don’t understand, what are you talking about?”

I can’t fight my blush, “…I’m okay with us dating”

Shocked she takes my parchment and floats it over to me on the bed. “I think I need to take a walk to clear my thoughts. I’ll go get the nurse”. With a heavy blush she leaves me alone in the room with an ink and quill so I can write to Pinkie.

Was that too much to put on her after waking up?

Carefully I craft a letter to Pinkie letting her know of my awakening, making sure to emphasize being safe on her way here. I know how dangerous she can get whenever she focuses in on something. She turns into a blind dog chasing after a smell, completely unaware of the danger around her. Curling up the letter my message is sent leaving me with nothing but my five senses.

Speaking of those, I really stink. The nicest thing these ponies could do is give me a shot of some magic juice and let me rest at my home, I’m sure they’ve got something like that. Deflecting my attention back to my surroundings it would be impossible not to wonder the condition my body is in. I lift my wrist first to see nothing wrong beside a small brace holding it in place. To my body I see several wrappings of gauze, the very same spot where that wood had gouged me. It didn’t feel painful but, I’m sure that’s pony magic for you. Then there’s the scarring that shoots down my left side and left arm. Tracing a hand over the skin it feels smooth, like the markings were beneath. All in all, I was in pretty good shape for almost dying.

I go to sit up but, a large shooting pain bites my side causing me to fall back down into a laying position.

Okay… maybe I’m not fine yet

While I attempt to readjust in my bed a pony dressed in nurses clothing opens the door to the room with a bright smile. In her clenched teeth she holds a clipboard and around her waist a small pouch carrying an ink and quill.

“You ponies should really invest into making pens. Much easier, much more convenient”

Sitting beside me she takes the quill into her hands after a few dips and faces me. “It’s good to see that you’re aware of your surroundings! Is there any trouble with your vision?”

“Nope!”

“How about your hearing? Can you hear me if I talk quiet like this?” She lowers her voice with each syllable.

“Yep”

“And are you experiencing any pain? Anything that feels bugging or bothering?”

“Nope”

She pauses for a second, “Don’t be afraid to say more”

“Okay”

With a sigh she continues through her checklist. Can you feel your toes? Do you know your name? It’s a bunch of questions that are simple to answer leaving me more and more bored as we go on.

“And it says here you need to keep this collar on for medical purposes, is that correct?”

“Uh huh”

“I know it might be a bit unprofessional for me to ask but, they wouldn’t tell me why you have to wear it. Is it okay if I know?”

“No” I frown. “If I told you I’d have to eat you”

Frowning herself, she seems in a mix of deciding whether or not I was serious. “That’s fine, keep your secrets. It’s not like I cleaned your sheets and washed your hair or anything…”

“Ha! Alright, you earned some respect from me after playing the guilt card. I’ll tell you this..” I lean forward and whisper into her ear. “It’s to keep me from being endlessly horny”

She blushes up and pulls away embarrassed. I start to laugh however, stop quickly at the pain in my side.

“Ahem, that’ll be all then. I’ll be back later with your pain medication just before bedtime” she hold her snout high and walks out the room.

On the backswing of its closing, Twilight pushes through right after the nurses departure followed by a very worried looking Pinkie. Stepping around Twilight she pauses to get a good look at me. I give her a world class smile. Her lips start to tremble as she smiles back, tears rolling down the sides of her face with each closing step. The first few steps slow until she rushes to me with a leap.

It’s a painful reunion yet, worth any suffering. “That was an awfully long nap Joey! Y-you had me worried… I thought that….” She doesn’t continue. Hugging deeper into my bandaged side I wrap her in an arm of my own.

“I’m really sorry Pinkie. I shouldn’t have left you or any of the girls sides. I was stupid and let my emotions dictate my decision making” I press my forehead against hers and close my eyes. “It won’t happen again, I Pinkie promise”

Crying she buries herself in my side, I look over to the other pony in the room. Twilight stands there kicking her front hoof around bashfully, unsure what to do. I motion her over for a hug as well, holding my other arm out as an invite. With a sigh she can’t deny a free hug, it’s her inner pony taking control. We come together into one group hug, something I really needed after all of this.

“What happened J-Joey” Pinkie asks. “I thought you were going to talk with Luna so I don’t understand how you got all captured like that”

With a look to Twilight I feel conflicted on telling her what happened. I wouldn’t want her relationship with Celestia to change because of knowing what happened. Perhaps it would be best to hold that part out and have Celestia tell her herself.

“There’s some things I need to keep a secret and some things I need to solve on my own but, I’ll tell you what happened when I left my conversation with Luna”

Twilight tilts her head, “Why do you need to keep secrets? Was it something private between the two of you?”

I pat her head, “I suggest you ask Celestia about what happened. I don’t want to talk for her”

“But didn’t you talk with Luna? Why woul-“

“Trust me on this, ask Celestia”

“… ok” she swallows her curiosity.

“So I got kidnapped by this stallion right? I was in some random ass bar and they guy says he’s got a proposal for me”

“And you listened to him? When nopony was there to protect you?”

“Yes Twi, like I said I was stupid. Anyway, he catches me off guard and him and his father choke me out or whatever”

Pinkie rubs her face against my neck, “Is that why you have these rope burns?”

“Probably” I rub my neck to feel them for myself, the memory still holds strong. “They chained me up in some basement and the one did a pretty shit job so I kicked him in the face and bought some time to free myself some. When I was trying to flip over a beam on the ceiling I fell and that’s when I broke my wrist”

“Oh… Joey…” My retelling of my injuries bothers Pinkie more and more as I go on. Twilight meanwhile seems to soak every detail in.

“Once I flipped over the beam and hurt my wrist that mare… the one that… she came down there and tried to zap me with some sort of spell but, your ring saved my life” smiling I brush my hand against the collar in the same spot where it resided.

“Yeah but, I could’ve made it better! It was so dumb of me to not modify the rings protective properties. I should’ve made it specialized for your hand so you wouldn’t have been in any danger” she shakes her head in disappointment. “That was unacceptable of me…”

Pinkie quickly hugs Twilight surprising both Twi and I. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. You saved his life Twilight! I can’t ever repay you!”

She looks away embarrassed, “Honestly I didn’t do anything…”

“There’s no need for you to be bashful Twi. You saved my ass”

“I… can you continue with the story?”

“Sure” I smile. “Uh where was I… oh so the nasty bitch zaps me but, that ring deflects the spell back at her and fries her ass”

“So the ring DID do it’s intended purpose after all”

“Yeah except it kinda zapped me some too and launched me across the room” Twilight starts to mentally berate herself before I boop her nose. “BUT, it did save me from becoming burnt toast like that mare” thinking back to the smell of burning pony flesh I almost feel like puking. “If it’s possible I’d like to never see something like that again”

“Don’t worry I’ll never let anypony even get close to ever again! That way if you never see other ponies you can’t be hurt by other ponies! Genius right? I just came up with the idea!”

“Alright creepy possessive pony, let’s ease up on the serial killer behavior”

“But Joey, if I’m not all scary ponies might try and take you again!”

“Actually” Twilight chimes in, “I don’t think that’s going to be much of an issue anymore”

“Huh? How come?”

“Maybe you should take a look at this” She reaches into her bag a pulls out a newspaper, handing to me.

Taking it I flip it open to read the front headlines.

‘Ponyville’s resident hooman stops pony trafficking family’.

“What?” I keep reading.

‘During this weekend, the hooman Joey Marshall was kidnapped and escaped his own encounter. The pony family had been running a trafficking business on the outskirts between Canterlot and Ponyville for over 7 months. Many recent disappearances of several different individuals of varying races were traced back to the farmstead after royal guard conducted testing. There was even evidence of the missing filly, Cloud Cast and her disappearance not one month ago. During Mr. Marshall’s encounter, he had been attacked and defeated two of his three kidnappers before, our own princess Luna arrived at the scene and dealt with the last criminal. “This is a great catch by our guard and will go a long way with making peace in our country. I’d like to personally thank Mr. Marshall myself, we wouldn’t have found these monsters as soon as we did if it weren’t for him”. Words from royal guard-‘

I stop reading, confused on the whole situation. “They were… kidnappers?”

“Yeah, turns out they didn’t just hate you because you were… well a human but, because you weren’t a pony! I did a little reading into the story and apparently they mainly kidnapped other races besides ponies”

“Yeah but, they were definitely gunning for me after I beat their dad up”

“Maybe, I won’t argue with you. Either way you’re the talk of the town. Some ponies are even calling you a hero”

“I don’t like the term hero”

“What?!” Pinkie chirps. “All kinds of ponies think you’re a hero! Specially some of my other species friends, they think you’re a god sent to protect all non-pony races”

“Some think you’re dangerous though after hearing what you did to those ponies”

“They were monsters and I was defending myself! If they think what I did was wrong they can suck my-“

“Yes yes, we know, we know. Do you mind continuing or would you like to stop?”

“I can keep going. So the mare is done for and my wrist and side are hurt real bad. Thankfully the adrenaline pushed me up the stairs where I ran into the son…” pausing I realize there’s a weird feeling inside of me.

Did I have to kill that stallion? I had to, it was me or him…

Surely I could’ve batted him away or told him to run off but, I didn’t. I was so enraged, lost in the moment I didn’t even think. I just saw his face and felt like he was a threat… that he needed to be neutralized. My stomach churns, it was the first sentient being I’ve ever killed.

“I killed him”

Clearly my feelings aren’t hidden as both Pinkie and Twilight start to comfort me.

“You had to Joey, it was for your safety”

“It’s okay, It was a scary moment and you’re here now so whatever you did must have been the right thing”

“I don’t know if I had to do it…”

“That isn’t for you to worry about Joey. That pony knew what he was doing was wrong and he knew the risks of kidnapping you”

“It just… it felt so wrong. Makes me sick just thinking about it”

“Joey” Pinkie squeezes my arm. “It’s okay”

“What happened to the dad? The older stallion?”

Twilight looks away with a dark expression, “Luna dealt with him…”

I shudder at the thought.

“It was… it really was too much. I don’t want to think about it or talk about it anymore”

“That’s fine” Twi reassures me. “Would you like it if I suggested a therapist for you? Somepony to talk about what happened?”

“No, I never felt like I’d solve my issues any faster with a therapist then I would with myself. Plus I got my own right here” I squeeze Pinkie against me causing her to squeak.

“Eep!”

“I think you really should Joey but, it’s your decision. If you change your mind here’s a reference card to the therapist the nurse suggested. Just come back here whenever you feel like you need to talk and show the front desk this card”

I take the little business card and place it next to me on the table. “Thanks for worrying about me”

“I wouldn’t be a good friend if I didn’t now would I?”

“Got me there purple, got me there” I lay there in for a second before getting impatient. “When can I go home?”

Giggling Twi gets up and heads over to her bag on the couch, “After a day or two they said most of your injuries will be fine enough for you to leave but, they want to check your condition for the next 24 hours. They’ve never used healing magic on a human before so they really don’t know what to expect”

She reaches into the bag and pulls out a small leather journal, a white strip of paper stays locked in place on the cover. It reads, ‘Property of Joey Marshall’.

“Twilight I’m not a big diary guy”

“It doesn’t have to be a diary! It can be a journal of your events up to this point or… or a stress release!”

“Sounds like a diary”

“Sounds like my diary!” Pinkie can’t help but, join in.

“See? Sounds like her diary”

“Ugh, just take the journal Joey. Never say I don’t buy you gifts”

Laughing I place it on the table, using the business card as a bookmark. “Eh who knows, maybe I’ll write a story or something”

“That’s the spirit!”

Smiling I enjoy the rest of my time spent with Twilight until it reaches late at night. The day was over and it was time for me to get some rest.

“It’s so great to know you’re all okay though. I mean so many things could’ve gone wrong!”

“Yeah let’s knock on wood after that statement”

“Anyways I should get going… I’ve left Spike in charge of the library all day. I’m sure he’s exhausted”

“Thanks for giving me company Twi! Have a good night!”

“Nighty night!”

“Goodnight you two, and don’t get all frisky again in some other ponies bed. I never got to truly explain how awkward that was for me”

“We didn’t… ugh never mind. Tell Spike I said hello”

“Absolutely, see you two later!”

Waving her goodbye Pinkie tunes back to me and smirks. “You need a bath mister! You stink super duper pooper bad!”

“I fucking know right? They gotta let me go soon before I turn into mold or some shit”

Giggling she ruffles my hair, “Stinky colt!”

She hops down from my bedside and starts to hop around the room chanting ‘stinky colt’. Just sitting here watching her childlike behavior is relaxing, a feeling of normalcy on an otherwise hectic few days. Admiring her energy I start to laugh.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“You doofus! Your absurd”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am too!”

“A- yea you are”

“W-wha… that always works with everypony I try it on!”

I give her a wink, “I’m not a pony”

“You’re right!” She exclaims, hopping back up onto my bed. “You’re Joofus! Cuddler of ponies, giver of love” she pretends to be swooned, falling over onto me with a hoof draped over her head. “Oh how I’ve fallen into web that binds us together, you play the strings that are my emotions driving a mare to her basic instincts!”

“Wha… huh?”

She smooches my face quickly and snuggles against me still laying on her back. “Silly colt”

As I’m about to question the randomness of Pinkies sudden soliloquy when the nurse from earlier pushes into the room with a cart.

“Hello miss Pie, it’s about the time we give Joey his pain medication. It’ll make him very tired so I suggest you head home for tonight and let him rest”

“Can’t I stay here overnight? I mean he’s been all sleepy for a whole week! I didn’t even get to nap with him like I normally do!”

She seems unamused, “Miss Pie you’ve been staying here almost every night…”

“But… what do you think Joey?” She looks to me with puppy dog eyes.

How could I deny her, “Could you get her a blanket?”

Sighing the nurse nods before working to the side on her. Holding a couple pills out on her hoof she hands them to me to take. She offers a water which I down fully with a gasp along with the meds.

Once she confirms I’ve taken it she starts making her way with the cart back through the door.

“Hey nurse? The blanket?”

She stops and points over to a closet in the corner of the room. “There’s extra blankets and pillows in there”

“Thanks!”

“Uh huh” she hums, disappearing behind the door.

Like the medication I used to take at Twilights, the side affects come immediately. A drowsy haze clouds my head and my eyes become heavy.

“Hm, I’m kinda *yawn* tired already Pinkie. How about you grab a blanket and…” I close my eyes sinking deep into my bed.

Pinkie stays put, climbing under the sheets of my hospital bed. They’re stinky but, they smell like Joey and it makes her feel at ease.

Blinking I’m back inside that old farm house. With a glance around it’s clear I’m right in front of the entrance to the basement. I’m hit with a metal smell, it’s unsettling and strong. My socks start to feel a warm liquid leak around me, soaking into the cotton. It’s blood, and lots of it. I’m fact the entire floor beneath my feet is coated in it, a few drag lines reach around the corner of the room in a direction I’d never been before. It’s the opposite way from the front porch, a hallway leading deeper into the house. My hand feels cold, it wields a long stained crowbar. I drop it letting it fall into a painfully loud crash. The echo bounces down the darkened hallway toward the direction of the blood stains.

I would never under normal circumstances investigate but, my feet move on their own pulling me deeper into the house. Each step creaks under my weight, the years of ware not graceful on this house. With each step I reach closer to a closed white door at the end of the hall. Looking to the floor the bloodstains continue under, beyond the other side. Hesitant to open the door a noise from within makes my blood run cold. A breathless gurgle breaks the silence. I don’t want to go any further, I don’t want to continue.

Without touching the doorknob it begins to twist slowly until the door swings open into a black room. There’s nothing in its lifeless shape, a mist like appearance keeps me from seeing any deeper. My heart thuds, hands shaking in anticipation. Only the gurgles remain, they’re proximity shrinking by the second. The chills running across my body have me stuck in place unable to move. Now a dragging sound can be heard as the mysterious noise gets closer. My eyes search desperately for movement. Then silence…

…

…

…

Suddenly I’m sucked into the room by a horrifying collage of pony body parts. Limbs outstretching in various directions slimed in bodily fluids with eyes and ears misplaced across its body. It’s a pile of pony meat pulling me towards its rotten mess of a mouth. Teeth made of broken bone and a stench of decomposition become apparent once I draw near. A limb latched around my leg pulls me across the wet floor. Shouting I reach around the floor to grab something, anything to keep me away.

“Joey!” I’m back on the hospital bed, Pinkie shaking me with tears in her eyes.

I’m soaked in sweat and already sitting up. Confused I look around finally realizing it was all a nightmare.

“What’s wrong Joey? What happened?”

I’m embarrassed but more than that, relieved to be awake. “Bad dream”

“You were screaming”

“Common thing with humans. Sometimes we scream in our sleep”

“This isn’t the time for jokes and that’s coming from me”

“What should I say? I had a nightmare Pinkie, it sucked!” Growling at my stubbornness she playfully bites my arm. “Yowch that freakin hurt!”

“Stop being a stupid muffin head and tell me what happened!”

“Alright, alright… geez” I rub the spot she bit me gathering my thoughts on what to say. “I don’t really know how to describe what happened but, it was fucked up”

“Like spooky messed up or yucky messed up?”

“Like both…” I hate to admit it but, the pony’s death was still on my mind. I could still feel the crowbar in my hands, the blood splattered across my face and arms. It felt dirty. Disgusting. Like a stain you couldn’t wash off.

“What’s bothering you love?”

Her use of the name love softens me up some, enough to spill my worries. “I’m scared”

“I’d be scared too if I went through what you did, I don’t think that’s bad for you to feel that way”

“Pinkie you might not understand this but, from where I’m from we have certain cultures and beliefs that might seem absurd to you. Personally I would identify as a person of the catholic faith and with that there are certain things I shouldn’t ever do”

“There’s groups that worship the leaders of Equestria if that’s what you mean”

“No… more like I belief that there is an all creator, one who made everything and everyone. That’s what I believe and to kill someone is something I struggle to cope with because of my beliefs..”

“I don’t understand why believing in a creator would make.. killing any different” Just saying the word makes Pinkie squirm in discomfort.

“I’m afraid of what’s after death… would I be destined for hell? An eternity in damnation for my sins? Could I be forgiven? Can he even hear me still, am I forgotten?” I start to get a little shaken up. “I mean he left me here…”

Pinkie hugs me close, holding my head into her chest. “Everything will be fine Joey I’m sure”

“I hope so” my mind wanders a little. “Are you… do you think any different about me knowing what I’ve done?”

Her response is immediate, “No silly, I love you just the same” although I can’t see her face I can tell she’s sincere.

Minutes tick away into an hour, my mind still awake and ever lost in worries. Sleep is but a wishful thought to a troubled mind such as mine. At some point Pinkie had fallen asleep, likely tired from the past days of worrying about me. It made me sick thinking about the pain I’ve caused these ponies, a true disgust for myself. Then I remember what Celestia had told me, that I was to find peace with myself if I ever wished to fix my illness. Maybe she did have a plan and maybe it could’ve worked but, it’s become too late for such discussions. What’s done is done and in time perhaps I’ll forgive Celestia however, I will never forget what she has done.

With a deep sigh I reach over and grab the journal Twilight had left. I wasn’t going to be sleeping any time soon why not start on a story now? Dipping my quill I start off with a title, one that felt appropriate for my consistent failure to succeed.

I’m Trying

A notion for what is to come and for what has passed. A mindset to follow knowing that no matter what happens from this point on that I would give it my best for not just myself but, for the ponies around me. For Pinkie, Twilight, Luna, Dash, Flutters, Rarity, Aj, Spike. For small friends I’ve met along the way like Sweetie Bee. For the ice cream stallion, the one who’s life was stolen so soon. I could only repay him by making my life worth it, by trying. This was the least I could do.

Most of the night goes by in a blur, my hand becoming sore after a while of writing. I’d only gotten up to the point where I’d moved in with Pinkie but, that felt plenty enough for one night.

Then the next night is a blur, then the upcoming week would pass suddenly as well. It was most of my recovery leaving me to where I find myself now, back home next to the fire writing this very line. My beloved Pinkie lay next to me fast asleep and I can only think of my time here. Could I ever truly love myself? Has anyone ever? The whole question becomes a problem in it’s own which has led me to the decision to forget about it in the first place. As Celestia originally thought, the only way I could possibly find peace would be naturally so worrying about it wouldn’t do me any good. Closing the book I scratch Pinkie behind the ear as she sleeps, her hoof instinctively kicks in delight followed with a smile.

I’ll have to swallow my pride and admit she was right one day… let’s try and make it as far as possible before then shall we?

Chuckling to myself I kiss Pinkie on the forehead before picking her up and carrying her to bed. Pinkie truly has been there for me through good times and bad. Where would I be without her? Thinking about it I’ve come to realize I was rather ignorant before getting to know these girls.

I was stubborn, believing the use of pony as a grouping term for all was stupid and xenophobic. I simply waved it off as the ponies seeing themselves as the higher race, individuals with the right of power. Hell the world leaders are ponies themselves, I had all the reason to think that way. Yet as I sit here now I realize they didn’t call me a pony because it was the correct terminology, they didn’t call me pony because they think everyone should use pony linguistics. They called me pony because they saw me as one of them before I saw myself as one of them. I’d outcasted myself. This goes back to finding peace with who I am.

I never thought of the importance of loving yourself. The importance of loving others, forgiving others, helping others. I’d never been willing to change the way I was, stubborn and foolish. Things would stay the same and I would stay miserable. If I had a takeaway from this whole experience it would be to try your best and do it with a smile cause if you can’t smile when everything is good, then what’ll you do when everything ain’t? I surely haven’t been enjoying the moments of peace when I have them but, it’s never to late to change.

Let’s be honest, I’m still a terrible excuse of a person. Filled with flaws, doubts, and issues failing miserably to better myself. Thankfully I’m not alone. I’m not an outcast. As long as I have somebody… somepony, I’ll find a way.

Author's Note

Original ending chapter

I’m taking a break and ima watch the whole damn series. Consider this time off my research into making the future of this story :)

That being said this bad boy ain’t done just on a little break. I can’t wait to surprise you all when I come back.

Have a wonderful day/night