Today was like any other ordinary day in Equestria. Birds chirping, train wheels screeching, another trip to some forgotten kingdom that supposedly disappeared and now reappeared. I sit back and enjoy the passing landscapes knowing today might be my last. Pinkie slams against me bursting with anticipation, almost knocking me out my seat.

“This. Is. CRAZY!!!”

“Tell me about it. If you girls keep pulling my average ass around for these adventures you’re gonna get me killed. I’m not built for this!”

“Relax spazo” Dash floats over. “Princess Celestia told Twilight her brother and Cadance were waiting for us”

“Excuse me, what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?”

“The price of tea in who what now?”

Twilight joins our conversation with a giggle, “I think what Joey is trying to ask is how that is relevant”

“Thank you purple” I turn back to Dash. “Every time we do these big travel things there’s always trouble”

“So what? We can handle whatever comes our way!”

“Yeah maybe you all can but, me?” I point to the weird scarring across my face. “Exhibit A”

“What about the wedding! You didn’t get hurt on the wedding trip!”

“Yeah what Pinkie said!” Dash retorts.

“That was luck! I nearly died several times!”

Pinkie brushes against me slipping under my arm, “Maybe your cutie mark is for being lucky”

“Girls can we all settle down? Some of us are trying to sleep” Twi makes us aware of the other dozing ponies before going back to her seat. I even noticed Fluttershy sitting with Spike. Maybe something happened on Hearts and Hooves day.

Now thinking back on the day I can’t help but, blush. “What’s got you so hot faced?” Dash asks leaning over the back of her seat.

“Nothing, just thinking”

Pinkie leans over the seat and whispers to her much too loudly, “He’s probably thinking about Hearts and Hooves day”

Dash becomes a little flustered herself yet keeps her composure, “Oh, is that it huh? You two do the nasty?” She jokes. Our awkward glance to each other followed by silence makes the answer apparent. Her eyes widen, “Wait did you both actually… do it?” She’s says the last part at a whisper.

I cross my arms looking out the window, “Who knows” what I didn’t notice was Pinkie beside me aggressively nodding yes.

“Whaaaaat? No way!” She looks around to make sure nopony overheard, “So.. what was it like? Because you two are different and all that…”

I wrap Pinkie with my arm, “What was it like when I snapped you on the forehead?”

“What? You never-“ I snap her on the forehead.

“Ow! Hey, I was just asking a question!”

“Uh huh”

She rubs her head a little embarrassed, “I don’t mean to sound weird or anything but… that’s kinda cool” I tilt my head confused. “That you both are totally like… happy together and are doing that stuff”

It’s quite possibly the most mature thing I’ve ever heard leave her mouth, “Thanks… I guess. It’s nice to hear you’re happy for us”

“Well duh. Course I’d be happy for you both, I just didn’t think it would work out seeing how you’re so dumb sometimes”

Pinkie giggles and hugs my side, “I think we’re a perfect match!”

Pinkies bright attitude makes it easy to ignore Dash and I scratch her head for making me smile. “See? Perfect match. You heard the mare”

“Eh, whatever. Just don’t screw things up okay? You two are my best friends so, I don’t want anything going wrong between us”

I hold a fist out her way, “I feel that”

She gives me a bump and sits back in her seat leaving Pinkie and I back to ourselves. She leans into me with smile which slowly grows by the second til she’s full blown laughing.

“What? What’s so funny?”

“I got a great idea! One so amazing that there’ll never be need for another idea ever in the history ever!”

“Really? And what’s this big idea?”

She whispers into my ear, “We go in the back cart and we do it the doggy way”

“Ptffft ha! Pinkie what the fuck” I explode into laughter, completely caught off guard.

“What?!? It’s a great idea! You’ll love it, I’d love it. Who wouldn’t love it?”

I lower my voice, “Pinkie we can’t do that. What if somepony catches us?”

“We run silly”

“We’re on a moving train! Where would we run to?”

“Uhhh… Baltimare?” She grins.

“You’re perfect Pinkie” I kiss her on the forehead, “But there’s no way I’m doing that. How about when we get there okay? Assuming we’d have a room or something”

“Okie dokie but I’m holding you to it!”

I laugh, “You won’t have to remind me”

Sitting there a bit longer my anxiety starts to grow about the whole trip. I didn’t want another scare like last time, I should probably ask Twilight some questions. “Hey Pinkie? I’m going to ask Twilight some questions about this whole trip”

She seems to notice my building worry. Spending as much time together as we do she’s begun to spot hints of my panic attacks, at times before even I notice. She’s almost like one of those dogs that helps people with strokes and shit.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah… just a little worried right now but, I think I’ll be alright”

“Alright but, if you feel yucky you tell me mister”

“I promise I will”

Moving down the cart I head over to Twilights seat near the front. She’s got sleeping ponies all around her so I try to be silent.

“Hey” I grab her attention from her book.

“Hm? Oh what’s up?”

I sit down next to her, “About this whole Crystal Palace”

“Crystal Empire” she corrects.

“Crystal Empire. Did Celestia make it seem like there’s any danger to this trip?”

Glancing toward the others she speaks quietly, “Celestia seemed to think there was something sinister about its reappearance and sent my brother first to check it out. Apparently they haven’t been able to send word back so we’re kinda going in blind, hehe” she nervously laughs.

“What?!” I whisper loudly. “I thought this was some sort of Indiana Jones type shit were we find some hidden city, you take your science notes and we bail”

“What’s Indiana Jones?”

“It’s like that book series Dash likes”

“Daring Do?”

“Yea”

“Have you ever read a Daring Do book before?”

“No”

“Well her adventures are full of danger”

“So are Indiana Jones movies”

“Why did you make it seem like they weren’t?”

“… it was a bad example but what I said still stands, this shit is not cool!”

“Joey calm down, I’m sure this is another test Celestia has for me and the rest of you will be fine”

“Then why did she insist we come along?”

“Because… well… okay maybe it will be dangerous” I run my hands through my hair stressfully. Unsure of what to do she places a hoof on my shoulder, “Look I promise that everything will be okay and if anything goes wrong the girls will be there to help”

“That’s the thing though, something always goes wrong! Last time I ended up having to play hero and I’m not sure how many times we can depend on that”

“Things worked out though didn’t they?”

“I don’t know Twilight” I look to her serious. “I think we got really lucky”

“And maybe luck is your special talent?” Even she doesn’t believe what she says.

“I guess let’s hope…” I lean back deflated. There was no point to this argument anymore, would could she do? I could only sit here and hope things don’t go sour again.

“Joey? I’ve actually been meaning to ask you a couple questions as well”

“Yea? Like what?”

“After talking to Celestia more about that pony Quantum Matter, there’s still a few things that don’t make sense. Like you having the same illness as him, what do you have in common with him that could possibly relate the two of you?”

“Um… lack of self confidence?”

“We don’t actually know if he suffered the same issue as well. Given the evidence it does seem that to be the case but, there’s no solid proof!”

“I’m not exactly the right individual to answer this question Twi. I’m sure Celestia or Luna would be better”

“But you’re thee pony in question! There has to be something you haven’t told us”

I rack my brain for any possible answers. Anything that might be important to my illness. “I’m from another planet and I’m a different species Twilight, I don’t see how we could be similar at all. Besides the fact we both got balls”

“That’s… probably not the reason”

I shrug, “I don’t know, nothing seems to make sense here anyway” I look past Twilight to the landscape passing by, the weather changing to a more arctic environment. “I don’t know if I’ve asked this before but, can’t you just take my magic away or something?”

She shakes her head, “Joey that’d kill you”

“Explain” I cross my arms intrigued.

“Every living creature in Equestria carries some form of magic. It’s helps hold together you’re very soul. How do I put this without confusing you…”

“Thanks Twi, I get it I’m stupid”

“No-“

“I’m kidding, continue”

“It’s like your blood. Think of your body without blood. Without magic flowing through you your body would cease to function”

“But I have blood and it doesn’t need magic”

“Yes but, your soul does!”

“So you’re saying every pony has a soul? You’re admitting there’s an afterlife?”

“Admit- what? I never said or didn’t say there was one!”

“I’m just messing with you… but, it is a little reassuring toward my faith to know I have a soul” just a little.

“At least I could do that for you”

“What if I ran out of magic? Like if I kept my collar off for long enough, would I run out?”

“I wouldn’t think so. It’s not that simple. You see, ponies have two types of magic within them. The first being the stuff you can see-“ she levitates her bag in front of me. “That is the kind you can run out of. The more you use it the more you’ll be able to use in the future. Kinda like endurance training”

“That’s nifty and all but what’s the other kind?”

“The other kind is what’s coming out of you, it’s called soul magic. This is why Celestia and I have had so much trouble trying to fix this. Your body is constantly making magic for harnessing your soul instead of making the magic you can use. It’s why you still can’t do magic but, technically have magic”

“So you’re telling me I have too much soul? This sounds like a bad 70s reference”

“I don’t know what that means but assuming you keep replenishing your soul magic you should be fine”

“So I’m not gonna run out?”

“Hypothetically speaking, yes”

“But my soul magic is… bad?”

“Yes… and no. I mean it’s good because it’s keeping you alive and your body understands to keep making it because it’s depleting! The reason it’s also bad is because it’s sticking to other ponies soul magic. Every ponies soul magic is unique, it’s color and shape directly tied to the soul it’s withholding. However your magic seems to manipulate a ponies soul magic into something entirely different. This is all hypothetical at this point based from the results done on that stallion who took his own life”

“Geez yet another reason to love myself”

“Joey it isn’t your fault that things are the way they are. You didn’t have any part in this”

I don’t feel like arguing so I switch the subject, “What if I completely run out of soul magic?”

Her ears go flat against her head and she frowns, “It isn’t pretty”

“Please, what’ll happen?”

She hesitates looking to the girls first. They’re oblivious to the conversation, all enjoying the trip in their own separate little worlds. “First your soul will leave escape, and it isn’t as fast as you’d think. Minutes, sometimes even hours of excruciating pain where a ponies body would heat up and burn” her face turns pale, “I read that it seeps out like steam causing the ponies innards to bubble and melt”

“Jesus…”

“Not done! Then once it’s fully left, the remaining body would be a husk. Not dead however, it can’t function on its own. So after a few minutes if the pony isn’t already dead from the burning, they’d die once their body stops working”

My eyes stay wide open and Twi seems more then bothered at the conversation. “That was… awfully morbid”

“Tell me about it” she looks outside trying to distract her thoughts.

I place a hand on her shoulder causing her to turn, “We don’t have to worry about that though, my special talent is luck!”

It’s stupid enough to make her giggle, “I wonder what your cutie mark looks like” gazing over my body.

I cover myself with my arms, “You’ll have to buy me a drink first before answering that question”

Her giggles die down slowly, “Have you… asked Pinkie yet? About us?”

I’d completely forgotten if I was being honest. My little experience with Pinkie had my mind all wrapped up around her instead of anypony else. I felt like a complete ass.

“I uh.. haven’t asked yet”

Smiling she rubs her face against me, “That’s fine, it was probably the wrong thing to ask of you at the time so whenever you feel like is the right time I’ll wait until then”

I could see the halo floating above Twilights head. “I really am sorry I haven’t asked yet. I’ll try to soon”

“Don’t force it though! I don’t want what you two have going to be ruined because of me”

“Thanks. That.. really means a lot”

“Don’t think nothing of it. I mean I’m the one on the outside here so it’s only right I comprise for you two” I scratch her behind the ears both surprising and soothing her at the same time. She melts into my touch. “Oooo, right there, keep scratching right there”

“You’re really adorable when you’re like this you do know that?”

Her eyes remain closed and she leans into me, “It’s not my fault those hands of yours are so wonderful”

“Careful, ponies might hear you say that and think some weird shit is going on”

“That or they’ll line up down the street just to get a scratch in”

“Maybe that could be my special talent you know? I could be like a masseur only for scratching”

“Hmm, the lotus sisters might not take exception to a pony opening competition in Ponyville. You could say you’d, have your hands full”

“Twi that was terrible”

“Oh come on! I even used the proper diction of saying hands instead of hooves!”

“There’s already an element of laughter Twi, stick with the program”

“Hmpf, I think you’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first”

“I will admit it does seem like a joke I’d tell”

“Exactly, jealous”

I stop scratching her head and run my finger down her horn lightly, she shivers at the motion. “Ooh Joey…” she moans.

Her response makes me blush, “What the fuck was that?”

“I told you before that a unicorns horn is sensitive!” Her face now matching mine. She has to hide her face to not die of embarrassment.

“Sorry” I hold my hands up defensively, “I didn’t remember I swear!”

“Ugh just… stop panicking and go back to your seat. We will all be fine”

“Not gonna panic, got it” I stand up quickly and start rushing back to my seat.

Waking past Spike and Shy I see they’ve both fallen asleep against each other. A rather cute sight if I wasn’t so hype for my boy Spike. Clearly there’s something going on here and I need to do a little investigating later. I rub my hands together mischievously until Apple Jack pulls me into her seat. I nearly fall on my face at her strength.

“Woah what’s going on cowgirl?”

“In case ya haven’t noticed“ she points out the window. “Things are lookin a bit sketchy out there”

Sure enough the once lightly snowed on surroundings were now hidden behind a blizzard. I’d never seen snow fall at such speed and amount before. Our entire vision was clouded in a veil of white making any chance of knowing where we are fruitless.

“Uh, did Twilight say anything about extreme blizzards before we left?”

“Nope”

“Shit”

I sit up and move back to my original seat, pulling my bag up beside me when I sit down. Pinkie seems confused at my frantic antics. “What’s a matter? Did you see a ghost? Is there a ghost catching net in your bag and you’re getting it to catch the ghost? Joey where’d you get a ghost catching net?”

“No ghosts, fucking snow storm” I point my hand past her to the window. With a glance she doesn’t seem fazed at all.

“So it’s a little snowy outside. Just make sure to put on a scarf!”

“Pinkie I’ve never seen it snow this hard before and Twilight never said anything about it being this cold”

“Don’t worry” she placed a hoof on my lap. “I packed some of your hoodies in my bag so we can share!”

“Hoodies? I need like a winter coat. It’s absolutely freezing out there I mean look at the window. It’s literally freezing!”

Around the edges was indeed frost building up by the second. “Okay so maybe it’s a little cold out but, what if I told you I also packed your snow boots!”

“Wait what? Why did you pack those?”

“Cause I can fit everything in this bag silly” she lifts her bag and pulls out one of my boots to prove it. “I got even more than that in here. You wouldn’t believe how much I can store!“

“Actually“ I take the boot from her hoof, “I would”

Now dressed slightly better for the impending doom outside I look over to see the rest of the girls took notice as well. Pinkie even took the liberty of loaning out one of my hoodies to each of the girls as well.

“Why do you have so many of my hoodies?”

“Why do you have so many hoodies?”

“Because… well…. they’re both comfortable and um.. stylish!”

Dash squeezed her head through a white hoodie on my left, “Yeah comfortable wouldn’t be the word I’d use. I can’t even move my wings in this! And it *sniff* smells like Joey!”

Pinkie quickly rips two holes in the back for her wings to poke through, destroying one of my best hoodies. “That’s one of the best parts!”

“Nooo” I faintly whisper. “My poor hoodie… why”

“That felt like an awfully horrific way to treat one of my creations” Rarity retorted.

“My poor baby why” I sunk back into my seat.

“Stop being such a baby. Rarity can make you another one easy” Dash flexed her wings as she spoke.

Twilight made her way over to us with a black hoodie labeled ‘lover’ in red heavy metal band type font. I told Rarity what to put cause I thought it was funny and now seeing Twilight in it, it was definitely the right call.

“Alright girls I think we should be close to the station. Everypony make sure you got your bags and stay close together”

I grab a hold of my own duffel bag and flip it over my shoulder, then I reach down and grab Pinkies bag as well. “You don’t have to do that for me! I can carry my own” she joyful requests.

I sling it over my other shoulder, “We can travel faster if I just carry them both. I don’t want to be outside for very long”

“Oookay big guy!” She pats me on the butt. “My bag is all yours!”

I shifted slightly, uncomfortable for multiple reasons. I was wearing not one but two hoodies and had my collar pulled tight to avoid getting caught. There’s also the shitty feeling of two bag strings pulling on your shoulders but that’s my own doing.

We all line up near the exit of the train cart and sit down around the closest seats. “Shining is supposed to meet us at the station so if you see him shout”

We all give an acknowledging nod. “So what’s this city like? Did Celestia say anything about the way it looks now?”

“Not really” she shakes her head. “Just that it reappeared. That, and Shining and Cadance would be waiting for us”

“Hm. Reappearing city. Surrounded by blizzards. Little to no knowledge about its condition. If I were to guess what’s going to happen I’d say we’re fucked”

“Oh dear” Flutters hid inside her hood fearfully.

“Joey! We’re going to be fine! We have Shining and Cadance to help! And that’s not even including each other”

“Yeah! We can handle whatever comes at us!”

“Dash unless you’ve learned how to defeat Mother Nature please calm down”

“In case you haven’t realized I handle the weather in Ponyville just fine on my own!”

“And how big are those clouds huh? Not as big as this one I bet. I can’t even see the fucking sun!” I start to get a little riled up.

“Easy there partner, there’s no need for gettin crazy”

“Aj’s right. Freaking out isn’t going to solve anything. We need to stay level headed and keep our composure”

I silence my bitching and settle for tightly clenching the bag stings over my shoulders. The train screeches to a halt and the punishing snowstorm outside seems to settle some due to the illusion of our previous speed. It still snowed enough for concern as my first step off the train is nearly engulfed in snow.

Looking around for landmarks there’s nothing but snow as far as the eye can see. We’re surrounded in a circle of white, stranded on the train platform. My lack of gloves and serious face protection makes me shiver against the chill. The darkening sky makes it clear the sun was gone leaving us in darkness. Twilights horn gloomed and from it a large sphere appeared shining the platform and a little around us in light.

The girls looked fine, a few shakes and antsy hooves the most of their reaction. Placing a hoof over her eyes Twilight scanned the horizon for signs of her brother while the rest of us huddled together. I grabbed Spike by a scale to get his attention.

“Ow! What?”

“Aren’t you cold?” He wasn’t wearing any protection at all.

“Huh? Oh, nah. Dragons have a fiery internal heat that’s always going so long as I’m alive! I sort of forget about it at times cause I’m never cold”

I pull down my scarf some to make myself easier to hear, “Does that mean your always hot?”

“I’m reptilian Joey, cold blooded. I can’t really feel hot or cold. I just get kinda stiff if I stay outside too long in the winter”

“Why’d you say the whole thing about internal fire and shit then? You could’ve just said you’re cold blooded”

“Yeah but you didn’t know about dragons having a fire within them until I told though”

“So now this is a biology class”

“Twilight!” A male voice screamed from the distance. I turn to see a pony like figure make its way into the station light.

“Shining!” The two met in an embrace.

“We need to hurry” he pulled away. “I’ll explain everything once we’ve left this storm. Follow me!”

Quickly we gathered our things and started moving when behind us the station was enveloped by a large dark cloud. It was black smoke, slowly reaching higher and higher until it touched the sky. I nearly fell over watching it increase in size. Looking to the last member of the group, Spike struggled moving most of the bags. He was completely unaware of his impending doom.

“Leave your bags!” Shining shouted.

Spike heeds his message but trips on his first step. My stomach churns unsure of what to do. I drop my bags and rush back to Spike scooping him up as fast as I can. I can feel the cloud nearing me, it’s touch numbing. I’m almost drawn to it, intoxicated by some otherworldly pull. Just then Shining shot from his horn a bolt of lightening into its mass causing it to dissipate for a few seconds. I hurry to catch up with the others passing Shining as he protected us. My legs burn and the run starts to feel endless until a clearing appears ahead of us. Green grass and a large city containing a spire like tower in the center. A large pink dome covered it just like the wedding in Canterlot. Reaching the top of the hill I go to slide down with Spike on my lap. With a shout Shining falls down next to us, his horn covered in black crystals. I grab his hoof and slide down with him in tow directly into the protective bubble. The cloud slams against the barrier right as we pass through. I have to lay there to catch my breath.

Twilight, Aj, and Rarity rushed over to Shining and started attending to him while Shy, Pinkie, and Dash came over to Spike and I.

“Oh my goodness are you two okay?” Shy checked us both for wounds.

“Joey you’re a hero again! You saved Spikey!” Pinkie yelled. She started to leap around us cheerfully singing, “He’s a hero of all the ponies, whether there big, or buff, or bronies!”

“The fuck is a brony”

“Oh you wouldn’t want to know” Pinkie stares directly at you, the reader. “Some of them are reeeeeally really naughty, you’d wouldn’t believe half the stuff they write… or read!”

“Pinkie who are you talking to?” She leaps over giving me a big hug.

“I’m so glad your okay! I was worried when I saw you run back for Spike cause I know how clumsy you are but, Twilights brother was like ‘pew pew’ and you were like ‘AHHHHH’! It was all crazy but now your safe” she sits down beside me with a smile completely still.

“I don’t know what that was-“ she scooted away from Pinkie, “but you totally saved Spikes life! I mean I would’ve grabbed him if you didn’t but, still!” Dash seemed impressed, specially for her standards.

Shy nodded in agreement taking extra time checking Spike over. “I’m fine Fluttershy I swear”

I snicker at the two of them. “What did you do?” Dash angrily whispers to me.

“Oh you know. Third wheeled that little colt Spike into a stallion” we both sat there watching them interact. Pinkie squeezed between us with a bucket of popcorn. Then the absurdity of everything finally hit me. “Twilight!”

“What?!?” She panicked at my shout bumping into her brother.

“What the fuck was that cloud thingy?!? I nearly died already and we haven’t even made it to the Crystal place!”

“Crystal Empire” Aj corrected. I flash her an angry look. “Heh, sorry” she tilts her hat down to hide her face.

Shining pushes past Twilight and puts a hoof out to help me up, “I probably have some explaining to do” Lifting me up he begins to talk while leading us into the city. “That cloud you saw wasn’t a cloud. That was King Sombra”

“King Sombra!” Twi interrupts.

“Who’s King Sombra?” I look between them for an answer.

“He was the former ruler of the Crystal Empire, consumed by greed. In an attempt to stall for his inevitable return, he banished the entire empire for over a thousand years, only now returning a few days ago”

“Isn’t that convenient” I say under my breath.

Keep complaining, it’s all I’m good for

I shake my head to clear it, ignoring the last thought.

“He had enslaved the crystal ponies using their power and love however, the princesses defeated him in battle, sending him to the Arctic North”

“Well how’d he get back?”

“Give any evil pony a thousand years and I’m sure they’ll find a way back” I shake my head still confused.

“So that smoke was him?”

“Yes, he’s able to transform himself using shadow magic. It’s a form of dark magic thats sinister shape corrupts the user in payment for its power”

“Dark magic? What’s the difference from regular magic or soul magic?” I use my little lesson from Twilight to say some big words, hopefully I impressed the siblings.

“Well from what Celestia warned me, it’s something only ponies of alicorn power are capable of doing. With the purest of individuals it can even be safe”

“So Celestia or Luna could do it?”

“My Cadance could do it as well if she pleased however, it’s still risky”

“I wonder if that’s what Celestia had me use before I left”

Shining turned quickly with concern, “She had you use dark magic?”

“Only to show me Sombra’s power! I didn’t know what it was at first until now!”

He shook his head, “Either way, as you can see he struck me with his power”

I look to his crystallized horn. Several small black crystals stuck from the horn in various angles. It didn’t look safe to touch, like broken glass.

“Your horn looks pretty bad”

“I couldn’t tell” he remarked sarcastically to Dash. “Dark magic has a propensity to prevent magic… almost like eating it”

My ears perk, “It takes over magic?”

“Meh… more like prevents” my enthusiasm plummets. I thought I had a clue to my illness. “I’m sorry but that’s all really know. I’ll take you all to Cadance and see if shes found anything to help us out”

We all share worrisome looks, truly over our heads this time. Looking back to the weird pony cloud it continually banged away against the pink dome as if the smoke carried weight. I couldn’t focus on what’s behind us without starting to panic so instead I checked the faces of my friends to see how they’re doing. Twilight seemed absorbed in what Shining had to say, both on edge but prepared. Fluttershy was terrified yet continued onward for her friends. Aj appeared collected, admiring the buildings and houses as we neared the spire. Dash was floating high, watching our surroundings with intensity. Rarity looked pissed off and stressed, the effect of losing her bags and nearly dying. Pinkie was… excited? She hopped with each step carefree of the dangers around us. Ignorant? Yeah that’s a better word. Lastly there was Spike, he huddled close to Twilights side taking in everything Shining said.

Taking Aj’s approach, I look around as well. Each house remained similar in both size, color, and distance from each other. Every proportion of the city appeared perfect, almost fake. Then there was the vast opening around the large spire. It stood tall on four legs, similar to the Eiffel Tower in its structure. Instead of narrowing into a tip, it instead was tube shaped. Something you’d see from a castle tower, pointed top and all. Even had a small balcony midway up. Once under the spire, there was only one flight of stairs leading into the building. As we entered I notice a strange monument standing under the spire, it’s shape two spikes pointing toward each other. One vertically hanging and the other vertically standing. If I didn’t know any better I’d say there was something missing from the middle but, maybe I watched too many movies.

The group followed closely behind Shining up several long ass flights of stairs. It had to have been at least 8 flights of stairs til we made a stop. Entering through the exposed doorway we came upon a very tired looked Cadance. This was the second time I’d ever seen her before.

“Shining! Im so glad to see you’re okay!” They embraced with a hug, making her forced to notice the ponies standing behind him. “Twilight! And the others! Are you all okay?”

The others? You hear this mare? You’re nothing but a pawn to these ponies

I shake my head hard enough to hurt.

What the fuck was that?

A pink hoof pulls my sleeve down grabbing my attention, “Joey what’s wrong?” Her bubbly exterior now serious.

“I don’t know… don’t worry about it though, I’m sure it’s nothing”

“What?!” She whispers loudly enough to disturb the others. “Sorry hehe” Pinkie awkwardly laughs before pulling me into a side room.

Oh I’m in trouble

Shutting the door behind us she taps her hoof impatiently, “T-that’s a uh… a nice d-door huh? I mean look how sparkly-“

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

“Jesus! Alright I’m sorry! Honesty I didn’t think it was a big deal”

“We made a promise to tell each other when something was wrong don’t you remember?! Or did that promise not mean anything?” I’d never seen her this angry before.

“Of course it meant something! I just thought what was going on might be nothing, like me being stupid… or something” I look away embarrassed. I didn’t feel like opening up right now, it felt like I would be adding to the problems already at hand.

Her tone softened and she moved over to hold my hand, “Tell me please, I don’t think anything you could be worried about is stupid”

Blushing I sit down on a nearby chair. We were in some sort of conference room with a large circular table in the center. A projector and podium were located on the opposite side of the room.

“I keep having these really weird negative thoughts”

“You’re not being hard on yourself again are you?”

“No, honestly I’ve been a little better with that” I wave my hands dismissively. “This feels… like it isn’t me though”

“Is it because the collar?”

“I doubt that, I haven’t worn it nearly long enough” Sitting there thinking for a moment she suddenly stands up and hugs me. “Um… Pinkie?”

“You looked like you needed some love” her words rush me with emotions but I hold stern. It was strange how much I was affected at such a minor gesture. There were bigger worries though, I never wanted to cry again in front of these ponies, definitely not Pinkie. It hurts my heart just thinking about the pain and worry it would cause her.

“I’m fine I promise”

“You must be awfully tired and stressed out from all this” she rubbed my back gently.

“I’m fine”

“What if I tell the girls for you that you need a break from this one and you’ll stay back with Cadance? I’m sure the others will understand”

For some odd reason hearing Pinkie say this infuriates me. I wasn’t some coward who needed a break and I definitely didn’t need Pinkie telling the others for me. I’m a grown adult, I can make these decisions on my own! Does she think I can’t handle this because of what I said?

She must think I’m weak huh?

I stand up pulling away, “I said I’m fine!”

She recoils in surprise. I’d never raised my voice in anger to her before. She backed away nervously, “Joey I think somethings seriously wrong with you. We should tell Twilight-“

“Somethings wrong with me? Pinkie I’m perfectly FINE!” I was breathing heavily, offended.

How could she say that? Doesn’t she know how much it bothers me to be considered strange? A freak?

“I didn’t mean it like that! I think there’s something going on with your magic that’s screwing up your brain!”

“I already told you I’m fine so are you saying I’m crazy? Is that it?” I smack my chest with my hands for emphasis. “You think I’m fucking crazy?!” I start to march past her in a hurry.

She grabs my arm, “Joey please wait, you’re not thinking clearly!”

I snap my arm away from her and hurry down the stairs enraged. Denial filled my head with a sickening touch of betrayal. After everything I’d been through she still has the gull, the NERVE to suggest I’m crazy. She’s the one who’s crazy! Always hopping around like nothings wrong, happy go lucky no matter what. In this world of fucking… creeps and perverts.

She only wanted to fuck you, you miserable fuck. Who would ever want to be with a downer like you? Disgusting, pitiful excuse of a creature. I should let them all feel my pain. How would they like to feel what it’s like to be outcast

I turn my head to the barrier, the black smoke still working away at the exterior.

I could release that barrier and let them know pain

The idea alone snaps be back to reality. A reality where I just yelled at the one pony who loves me unconditionally. A pony willing to do whatever just to make me smile. Suffering in her own pain yet still finds the energy to help me with mine. My legs start to feel weak and my face hot. What have I done. Falling to the ground with my face in my hands, I have to bite my hand just to stop myself from crying.

I’m sick… Pinkie was right

My therapist was much to far now however, and I’d just told Pinkie off. There was nopony to go to. Likely she told the others about me by now and they’d see me as a threat. I felt an urge to run and hide yet I held my spot on the ground, part of me still wanting to be found. Then a hoof touches my shoulder making me scream.

“AHHH!”

“AHHHH!” The pony yelled back falling over beside me. His eyes were pinpricks. With a glance over his body I notice he’s lacking a cutie mark and color in his eyes. As if the dead could live.

“Who told you it was okay to sneak up on strangers!?”

“I’m sorry! I didn’t know who you were and… you looked kinda troubled”

“Oh…” I deflate again. “Thanks I guess for worrying but, I’m okay. I did this to myself”

“Is there anything I could do to help?” He nervously shuffled.

“You could tell me your name”

“My name? My name… I… I don’t know” his attitude nosedives from our conversations start. He begins to panic before rushing back into the house behind me.

“That was sudden… and weird”

“JOEEEEYYYY!” A voice shoots from the direction I ran from. My neck hairs stand up in fear.

Could I face them? “Oh don’t worry girls, I only had a monumental breakdown and yelled at Pinkie cause I’m crazy!”

Dash zoomed above me at sonic speeds causing me to pin myself against the wall out of sight. I wasn’t safe to be around I could tell that much at least. I’d need to separate myself from the girls until I figure this whole mess out, then they can worry about me. Peeking around the corner back to the spire I see most of the girls head in the same direction toward another large building.

I bet if I hide back in that tower they’d never expect me to be there. The old hide behind the door trick

Running across the opening I make my way back into the stairwell leading up into the spire. After several painstaking floors I finally make my way back to the original place we met Cadance at. The room was empty, only a circular sofa near the center of the room created any ambiance. My body felt spent, exhausted for some weird reason. With a few steps and a plop I lay down on the cushiony frame relaxing into the pillows. Maybe a nap would do me good.

“Joey… is it?”

The voice makes me stumble away trying to see the perpetrator. “Cadance?”

She gives a pained smile, “I’m actually kind of glad I found you”

“Yeah?” I shuffle my feet, looking for an exit.

“Yeah…. I heard what happened between you and Pinkie. At least she only told me because she felt like I could help”

“She didn’t tell any other pony?”

“No, she said you’d be too embarrassed to come back. She did tell the others that you ran off though”

Why… why is she so caring for me? Even after I yelled at her the first thing she does is worry about how I feel

Shaking my head I can feel the hot tears welling in my eyes.

“Pinkies really worried about you, you know? Couples should be open with each other whatever their issue and if a significant other can’t find the compassion to help, then there wasn’t any love there to begin with. But, they can’t help if you don’t speak up” she walks over to me sitting on the couch. She pats the spot next to her inviting me for a talk.

With a wipe of my eyes I sigh. I take a seat beside her twirling my thumbs. Uncomfortable doesn’t even begin to describe how I’m feeling.

“Would you be okay with telling me what’s going on?”

I pause unsure what to say. Do I tell her everything? The sudden anger? The voice in my head? “I’m… I’m not feeling okay”

“And does Pinkie know you’re not feeling okay?”

“Yea… I told her something might be wrong… but I didn’t tell her much besides that”

“And why did you hold back?”

This was starting to feel like a trip to my therapist at this point. “Because I didn’t want her to worry if it wasn’t anything serious”

“If you felt it wasn’t serious then why not tell her anyways? It’s her choice to worry about you Joey. You don’t have the right to decide what she can and can’t worry about” I start to shake my head disappointed with myself. I’d done it again. “I know you felt like you were caring for Pinkie but, you need to understand each pony in a relationship has a role to play. You both love each other right?”

“Of course”

“Then you should know more than anypony that she deserves to know what’s wrong”

Running my hands through my hair I have to take a deep breath to calm down, “I can’t believe I freaked out like that…”

“Pinkie said you might be dealing with issues involving your um.. collar?”

I instinctively reach toward it, “I don’t know… maybe. It doesn’t make sense though! I haven’t worn it long enough to make me have these issues!”

“Hmm” she stops absorbed it a thought. “When did these, ‘issues’ start happening?”

“Uh… a little after we got here honesty”

“And did you change anything with how you normally wear the collar? Maybe touch any strange artifacts? Meet any weird ponies?”

I cross my arms, “I’m not Indiana Jones alright? I wouldn’t go touching every strange looking object I saw! If at all possible, I’d like to not die”

“Speaking of that, I heard you saved my Shining from becoming another one of Sombra’s victims”

“Not really… I mean he saved my life first! I was only repaying the favor”

“Did he now? That sounds just like him, my big strong stallion..” she seems to get carried away.

“Please princess don’t get all… lovey and shit like that around me. I know it’s your talent but, for my sake”

“So what happened? How did he save you?”

“You remember the dragon that was with us?” She nods. “That’s Spike and he was stuck trying to carry some of the luggage so I ran back to grab him but, that cloudy shit was all over us before I could move! If Shining wasn’t there to zap it away or whatever he did we’d be dead”

“Wait, Sombra touched you?”

“I guess”

“And you didn’t feel like telling me that?”

“I.. didn’t think it was important!”

She face hoofs and starts to pace around the room. “If he was close enough to touch you he must’ve tried to attack you with his magic!” She stops, looking back to me, “Can you do any magic?”

“Well.. Twilight said the only magic I have is soul magic and it’s supposed to pour out of me if I’m not wearing this collar”

“Your soul magic pours out of you?!”

“Don’t worry apparently I’m fine. Because I can’t use regular magic, it’s probably always used to restore my soul magic”

She can only scratch her head lost, “Celestia has a lot of filling in to do with me…”

“Anyways even if he did touch me he couldn’t touch my magic because I was wearing my collar… right?”

“I wish that was the case” she sighs. “Other ponies can preform magic on you correct?”

“Yea but I don’t see.. oh shit”

“Yeah! He’s trying to corrupt your magic with his own dark magic”

“Can we like, stop it from fucking me up?”

“I don’t know. I’m not that well experienced with dark magic. We need either princess Celestia or princess Luna to help. Maybe even Twilight might know something”

“This is just great” I sit down defeated, “So what happens next? Do I get all evil?”

“No. If your magic is anything like a ponies, it would be nullified by Sombra’s power. Take Shining for example, his horn was crystallized by Sombra’s magic preventing him from-“ just then Cadance falls to the floor.

I rush over helping her up, “You okay?”

“Sorry” she holds a hoof to her head. “Shining was supposed to relieve me of this position but, he can’t use his horn anymore since he was attacked. I’ve been holding up the barrier for almost two days now”

“Do you need me to do anything or?”

No… no I’ll be fine. Hopefully Twilight finds a solution soon to help awaken the crystal ponies hearts”

“Awaken their hearts? When the fuck did I miss this?”

“When you and your marefriend ran off”

“Oh”

She giggles, “Truthfully I thought you two were running off to go have some fun”

“You really are the princess of perv huh?”

“P-perv?!” She blushes, “It was simply a misunderstanding! Anypony would’ve thought that’s what you two were doing running off like that!”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk. Unbelievable”

“Ugh, either way you need to apologize to Pinkie and make sure you avoid anything that might cause a passionate reaction out of you. I think the reason you freaked out so bad with Pinkie is because you really care about what she thinks of you. If it’s the soul magic that’s been affected, you’re going to be more vulnerable to impulse”

“Because soul magic is what makes us, us right?

“Precisely. It’s changing who you are”

“That’s terrifying to hear…”

She places a hoof on my shoulder, “Don’t worry, I’m sure the others will fix this and if we can’t find a cure, usually defeating a unicorn in combat unravels any spells or curses done”

I can’t help but smirk at her attitude, “So optimistic”

“Hm? Me?”

“Ponies. Doesn’t matter how things look or how they are. Always looking for the positives”

“Maybe you should take a note?”

“Aaannd that was unnecessary“

“Ha, and so is much of what we do with our lives yet that’s also what makes each and everypony special”

By now I had calmed down, Cadance’s soft approach soothing to my hurting soul. I never realized how much I needed to hear somepony tell me things are going to be okay until now.

“So what makes Sombra special? Can we even beat a… cloud pony?”

“Reading the history of the crystal empire, his original defeat was caused from the two princesses using the power of the crystal ponies. If we can find a way to restore this power I believe we could defeat him this time for good”

“As long as it’s you all doing the restoring”

“Oh don’t be such a filly, I know you’re tough enough to go help those girls. Plus you owe your mare an apology”

“I do owe her one I’ll agree with that but, don’t call me tough. I’m anything but that”

“Not from what I’ve heard. Unless that story about a human breaking away from his kidnappers and surviving was all a myth”

“It was luck” I point a finger to the scar running up my face. “This is proof”

“I see it as more of a symbol of bravery. A sign that anypony could be a hero even with the odds stacked against them”

Her consistent need to praise me begins to become irritating, “Why are you so persistent that I’m a good person? Why do you even trust me? We don’t even know each other!”

She answers as if it were simple, “Because I could see the love Pinkie had for you and I can see how much you love her as well. You wouldn’t be so stressed out otherwise”

“Bad people can love too. That’s not a legit answer”

“Why do you need a answer? What’s wrong with accepting what I believe? I trust you for that reason alone, isn’t that what you asked?”

I needed justification. A persistent struggle to find balance in hearing praise. A seesaw of emotions for every motivation or action just because I believed I was terrible. Always creating problems where there are none. I sit back down with my hands pressed together.

“Why am I this way?”

Cadance shrugs and starts to move toward a door near the back. “I’m not qualified to answer questions like that Joey” she opens it stopping in the doorway. “I’m the princess of love not existential crisis. I need to take care of my husband, go find the girls and make things right”

The door shuts leaving me alone again. She was right.. and rather informative. I needed to find the others and stop being such a pussy. They needed me and to be honest I needed them more. Each of those girls built a structure of traits I so desperately required to hold a stable mind. Without them I was lost. And so I headed back down the stairs toward the building I last saw them walking into.

Approaching its massive size, the pillars stationed in front were larger than 2 arm lengths around. A truly marvelous architecture. Granite or marble made up it’s entirety, constructed to provide symbols of art, their culture. The work reminded me that of the main hall windows in Canterlot’s palace. I could only imagine what each carving might have meant. This wasn’t the time for speculation however as I settled for running my hand along the wall while entering the buildings steps. Two slightly large wooden doors stood between me and the others now. My stomach felt heavy.

Pushing forward I enter into a large hall littered with bookshelf’s on multiple levels of walkways. This library had to have been larger than anything found back on Earth, books stacked to the ceiling several stories high. This must be what it looks like in a Twilight Sparkle wet dream.

“Joey!” Speaking of the devil. “I’m so glad you’re here! Isn’t this place amazing? There has to be hundreds of thousands of books in here!”

“Glad I’m here too Sparkle. By the way where’s Pinkie?”

“Oh, the girls are scattered around here somewhere. We’re all looking for anything on a crystal heart”

“A crystal heart?”

“Yes! I believe that’s what will help the crystal ponies come back to their senses. Have you noticed how all of them are missing their cutie marks? That, and how lost they seem? It’s like they haven’t missed a beat since a thousand years ago! Perhaps this could be the closest thing we know to time travel…”

Twilights nerd talk makes it easy to get distracted from my worries. “Easy doctor Frankenstein, no need for any wild ideas. I’ll get to looking for a book when I find Pinkie. Good luck”

“Good luck to you too! Oh this is just amazing!” She runs off carrying 15 or so books in her magic behind her.

I scurry off into the deeper reaches of the building, an area much darker than around the entrance. Whether from a lack of windows or candles I’m surrounded by hidden rows of ancient knowledge lost to pony kind, barely eligible in the shadow. The ground beneath almost seems to become engulfed in a dark mist around my ankles. It’s strangely comforting, a wish for it to devour, erasing myself from this existence. My vision spins and I feel like blacking out.

A object slams into me with a strong grip around my torso hard enough to make me spin. Reaching to peel the object away from me it’s oddly pleasing and delicate smell freezes me. Cotton candy.

“Pinkie?” I grab hold lifting her from falling. With a quick glance to the floor I see the darkened mist now gone from sight replaced by a standard tiled floor.

“Joey!” She shouts now looking at my face. “I’m so glad you’re okay!” A stabbing pain pierces my heart hearing her relieved expression.

“I’m sorry”

“Sorry?” She jumps out of my hands. “Joey you scared me half to death! Do you understand how difficult it was not to tell the others how bad things could be just so you wouldn’t be too stressed to come back? I wanted to cry I was so worried!”

Kneeling down to meet her at eye level it’s a rather pointless gesture seeing how I can’t find the means to face her. “I’m sick… and I… please help me” my voice cracks.

She brushes her head against me into a hug, “We need to have a talk about this later but for now tell me what’s wrong” she clearly pissed with me yet remains calm enough not to yell.

“There’s a voice… it’s my voice but, it’s… not me and it keeps berating me every chance it can. Normally I could deal with this but it’s also fucking with my emotions. I can hardly keep myself from freaking out since we got here”

I was sure she could tell my honesty given the rapid beating of my chest against her own. This wasn’t all though. A sick feeling in my stomach made me ill and I felt like fainting.

“I’m really tired and emotionally drained. Honestly I just want to sleep”

More like die

“T-this sounds really spooky and bad! We should ask Twilight or Cadance what to do!”

“Cadance thinks it’s cause I got too close to Sombra. He might’ve cursed me with his magic or something. I don’t know but I’m feeling really tired” I lean back into the bookshelf behind me. “Can you let me rest here why you go get her?”

“I can’t leave you like this!” She reaches into her bag and places two ear plugs into my ears before cupping her hoofs together. “TWILIGHT COME OVER HERE RIGHT NOW!!!” I can faintly still hear her.

“Heh, that was pretty loud” my eyes start to get heavy.

She pulls the plugs out starting to panic now, “No no no! Joey we can’t sleep right now it’s time to be wakey wakey!” She even slaps my face a little.

I bat her hoof away, “Okay… okay I’ll try to stay awake”

“You better!”

“I will”

“Pinkie promise me you’ll stay awake” my eyes widen at her words.

Facing her stare I truly have to internalize if I have the willpower to actually stay awake. Sure I was tired and growing more sleepy by the second but, the worry of breaking a pinkie promise? Could that be enough?

“Hm mkay… I pinkie promise”

“You have to do the whole thing”

“Ugh, cross my heart, hope to… fly” I daze off some catching myself quickly, “stick a cupcake in my eye”

“Good! Now you wouldn’t break a Pinkie promise right?”

“I’d die before I did that”

“DON’T SAY… stay awake for me lovey I can hear Twilight coming” her voice sounds so caring to me in the moment.

Nodding slowly I start to feel cold. I can’t help but shiver after a few more seconds. Pinkie places her hoof to my forehead with wide eyes just as Twilight rounds the corner.

“Pinkie we found the book… what’s wrong with Joey?”

“He’s burning up! Twilight please I don’t know what to do!”

“Pinkie calm down first and tell me-“

My vision starts to grow black and their voices become distant murmurs. Each blink becoming more and more dangerous.

Isn’t this what you wanted? An existence without pain? Let it take you

I nod in agreement almost falling back into my own subconscious. Drifting for a while another voice speaks up.

”You wouldn’t break a Pinkie promise right?”

Frowning I shake my head, “No… no I wouldn’t”

Slam! I’m hit with realization. I sit myself up with open eyes observing my surroundings. Cold, I was still cold covered in a blanket. Admiring its stitch work I spot that I’m on the same couch from before within the spire tower. A few voices to my left draw attention. Near the balcony stood both Pinkie and Cadance in a serious looking conversation. Pinkies smile doesn’t appear until she notices I’m awake. Running over she stops just short instead of tackling me like normal.

“I didn’t fall asleep I swear!”

“Hehe, you’re still alive aren’t ya? If you broke a Pinkie promise we couldn’t have this conversation silly!”

“Ah of course, you would’ve killed me!”

We share a light laugh before things fall somber again. “Pinkie, am I dying?”

She noticeably flinches at my words, appearing to be on the edge of breaking down. “Cadance said you’d be fine as soon as we fix this crystal pony problem! We just have to make these stubborn ponies love their city again and Twilight came up with a big party plan to fix everything”

“That sounds right up your alley!”

“Yup!” I start to get up using my weak legs. I’m a little wobbly but can make do.

“Alright so what do you-“

She pushes me back down onto the couch, “BUT, part of the plan was that you stay inside here and rest. You won’t get any better if you don’t let your body rest!”

I want to plead my case on how I could help but remembering what happens earlier makes it tough to argue. I relax back down. “Okay, I’ll stay here”

“Good! Now I have to go help with the party so make sure you stay here and don’t fall asleep! Cadance will help keep you awake”

Sure enough the pink princess sits beside me on the couch with a smile. The kind of smile that makes you feel like you’re old yeller and that we’re going out back to be put down. “I’ll keep him awake I promise”

“Okay… we’ll I need to hurry off” she sits there still hesitating. Her eyes observing me taking in every detail as if it were her last time seeing me.

“Goodbye kiss?” I smile.

She smiles back with ears pinned and gives me a light kiss. Her hot touch is heavenly leaving me empty when she has to pull away. “I love you”

“Love you too pink, now go kick some ass at that party”

Her pained smile grows only a little, “I’ll kick some party ass just for you” she winks and leaves me stunned at her use of a swear.

Taking off she makes sure to give me one last glance before heading down the stairs. Watching her leave I can’t help but start to wonder if this is my last day alive. To come so far only to fall from some shitty curse.

How come it didn’t affect Spike as well? Probably because of some magic resistant bullshit I’d bet. Stupid dragons

“We should probably talk to keep each other awake. I’m sorta falling asleep here too”

Her eyes were indeed rather baggy and dark. I could she was at her wits end.

“Where’s Shining? Is he sick like me?”

“Yes but he’s faring much better. If I had to guess he’s somewhere helping out with the festival going on”

“Hm… I’ve been meaning to ask you. What do you think is more important. Friendship or love?”

She bursts into giggles, “Can Twilight hear me?” I share a chuckle with her. “Well I’d say they are both just as important”

“Oh that’s a cop out. Cmon give me something”

“I can’t! I wouldn’t do that to Twilight”

“Ugh fine. Can you admit to me that Twilight is being tested for becoming a princess?” This seems to catch her off guard drawing a rather suspicious reaction.

“W-what? What makes you think that?”

“Because she’s Celestia’s pupil and is always going around doing crazy shit like this”

“Mmmm alright maybe she is being tested but, you can’t tell her I said this. You understand right?”

“My lips are sealed” we share the peaceful moment for a minute or two in silence. “Did you tell me that because I might die?”

“Pinkie already told you-“

“Cadance… please. Be straight with me”

She lowers her head, “We don’t know how to stop it from getting worse. It’s almost like your magic is flame on a candle, and your body is the wax”

Staying still I let the words sink in. “And what if they fix the crystal ponies? Would I be okay then?”

“That’s what we’re hoping. Using their power we could easily defeat king Sombra but, we don’t know where the crystal heart is. If Twilight doesn’t find it in time… we might all die”

“So my death really comes down to whether or not I outlast you”

“I’ll try to stay awake long enough for them to find it and you just stay awake for Pinkie Pie alright?”

“Could you explain to me what would happen if I did fall asleep?”

“This is a guess but, since magic is most active when a pony is awake if you fall asleep your magic will likely stop fighting as hard to reject the dark magic. I’m not sure how much quicker things would progress if you did sleep so, let’s keep you awake”

“Huh I didn’t know it was most active when you’re awake. I just figured it would be like my white blood cells and work whenever”

“What do you mean? The immune system works better during sleep”

“I never considered myself an educated man alright and how do you ponies know about white blood cells? What kind of tech do you have without inventing a lightbulb?”

“There’s ponies in Canterlot that recently developed a magic powered light that could light an entire room with only a simple charge. Is that what you meant by ‘lightbulb’?”

“Yes and it’s nice to hear you ponies are finally getting more civilized. Now only if we could fix the whole no clothes thing”

“I guess that’s something you wouldn’t understand given your lack of fur”

“Sounds like an excuse, specially coming from the princess of perverted thoughts and actions”

“Perverted? Not all love I handle falls under the category of sexual. Just… most of it”

“Least you’re honest”

“Seeing how we’re on the subject, have you and Pinkie had sex yet?”

If I was drinking at the moment I would’ve spit. “Okay t-that’s just not s-something you ask”

Smiling she gives a few tired giggles, “Oh? Am I not the princess of perverted thoughts and actions?”

“Touché”

“You don’t have to answer me, I got all the proof I needed from your reaction” blushing feverishly I want to bonk this mare for her awful behavior.

“What was it like? I don’t mean to be invasive but, I was always curious how pony non-pony relationships work when it comes to those things. It’s important information for me to study see”

“Don’t mean to be invasive, yeah okay”

“What if I told you something rather embarrassing first? I’m not lying when I say it’s important for me to know”

“Yeah but, I’d rather not hear about how you and Shining get it on or some shit-“

“So our honeymoon started rather quickly if I might add. We hadn’t made it two blocks from the ceremony before Shining shut the covers to our carriage and-“

“Horny jail! Fucking horny jail!”

She covers the sides of her head, “I’ve stopped! Please stop the yelling, my ears can’t handle such loud noises right now”

“So if I tell you anything about it, will it help keep you awake longer?”

“Absolutely! Likely keep you awake as well. Nothing gets the blood pumping quite like embarrassment!”

With a sigh and a look to the sunset I begin, “Hearts and Hooves day”

“Oh a wonderful day for a couples first time!” I shoot her a angry look. “Sorry”

“Anyways Pinkie and I and just exchanged our gifts and we got a little passionate. One thing led to another and we were… ya know”

“Was the size difference a problem? I’ve never seen exactly what your kind carries for a penis however, judging off size I’d-“

“How about we don’t guess the size of my dick”

“Fair, yet the question still stands”

Deadpan I reply, “No”

“That’s wonderful to hear! I’m glad you two were-“

“Please don’t congratulate our sex”

“Why not? It’s a pivotal moment in every relationship!”

“Either way we fucked and… if I had to guess what normal pony sex was like I’d say it went like that”

“Did you perhaps throw her around some? Maybe display more carnivorous behavior?”

“You know what, how about we change the subject”

“I apologize that was too far, I was only trying to get payback for what you called me earlier. I should’ve assumed things were rather normal given the way you behave”

“Civilized?”

“Private. You seem to dislike others prying into your personal life”

“Doesn’t everypony?”

“Most. Some would die for the attention”

“Sounds like Rarity”

“Or prince Blueblood” she says under her breath.

“So yeah pretty normal. I’ll be honest I was kinda worried that I wouldn’t be sexually attracted to her because of the way my genetics are but, I realized quickly just making her feel good was enough for me”

“Would you consider that a fetish?”

“Again, doesn’t everypony find it nice to please their partner?”

“Well there’s all types of relationships. Normal, masters, pets, goddesses”

“Shining into princesses?”

She gives a coy smile, “Now you’re getting it”

I bow still laying on the couch, “Thank you master. Your lessons will teach me to master the way of the horny”

“Hehe, you’re welcome. Now how long would you say it was? 2, 3 minutes?”

My face shifts back into my neck, “Whaaaaat? More like 15 or twenty and that was nothing. Back on Earth I fucked way longer than that”

“T-twenty?!?” Bewildered she blinks several times. “Stallions only last a handful of minutes at best! Are you some sort of sexual deviant from where you come from? Is that the reason you’ve come to Equestria? To escape capture from your people?”

“Wow you’re kidding” she doesn’t budge. “Huh, guess I’m a pretty good at the sex” I joke.

“Pretty good? You’re practically a among gods! Wait til I tell the sisters about this…”

“Wait wait wait, hold on. You are NOT telling them what I just told you”

“Why not? It’s a feat what you’re capable of”

“Because Luna doesn’t need to know”

“Why doesn’t… does Luna wish to court you?”

Doubt it, probably likes teasing a gullible fool like me

“She give it away?”

“Only like every time we meet. She keeps asking me questions about how ponies court nowadays and how to catch the eye of a stallion who’s not a pony”

“Use the term male. It means stallion for every race, species, or thing. Much easier… it’s opposite of female”

“May-al? Hmm, I kinda like it”

Our conversation stops again and my attention turns over to the balcony’s edge. It’s length and distance from myself makes it impossible to see down below into the city, the only sight a line of mountains sheltering the sun.

“It’s getting late”

…

No reply.

With a turn to my right I see Cadance has fallen asleep, her horn flickering a pink light. “CADANCE! CADANCE WAKE UP!”

I pull myself up but can’t find the strength to stand, falling to the floor beside her. Dragging my body with both my arms I grab hold of her arm and shake her best I can. She’s doesn’t falter from her rest. Looking back to the horizon I can see the bubble keeping us protected vanish before my eyes. This was it.

But I wasn’t ready to quit. Giving it everything I have I manage to grab Cadance, pulling her with me toward the stairs. If we could just get to the others we might escape. Using my body as a sled, I hold her against me while sliding across the tile floor. Thankfully it was slippery enough to glide across some.

“Whoever was in charge of waxing the floor needs a fucking raise”

The exertion catches up to me fast and my own vision starts to darken. I close my eyes and try to think of Pinkies face. What I would do to see it one last time. Grunting and sweating I finally reach the stairwell while several shouts and thundering booms shaking the spire walls. My arms scream in pain but, I can’t stop now.

“J-Joey?” Cadance stirs awake.

I let myself go limp, “Go… help them””

She leaps past me and down the stairs leaving my aching body to itself. Each breath feels heavy, a battle for each heartbeat in my weighted chest. Vision cloudy, I can hardly see now through the returning mist.

And then… it’s gone. In an instant, a large swoosh like sound slings throughout the building, echoing outside. The mist clears and my fever settles. Strangely I feel the life enter back into my body each passing second. The girls must’ve done it. I have to lay there for a bit until I feel strong enough to stand on my own and head back down the steps. There’s something to say about how much easier it is to go down these stairs then to go up.

Finally after what’s feels like an eternity I reach the bottom to find a large crowd of ponies gathered around a hovering crystal heart. It’s rapid spin creates a hum, leaving me in awe of its size. Distracted I stumble down the last few steps catching myself against a very warm and soft object.

“JOEY WE DID IT!!” Pinkie squeezes me tight, making sure I’m really there. “There was a bunch of scary lightning and nasty evil black crystals shooting out the ground and then Spike came out of nowhere with the crystal heart and saved the day! You should’ve seen it! The ponies were all like ‘yeaaaah’ and the heart thingy was like ‘zooooooom’ and then bang and swoosh and we’re all safe” she reaches as far as she can to give me a peck on two legs. “I told you we’d do it!”

Looking around my vision was still hazy yet I was able to notice there was one pony missing. “Where’s Twilight?”

“Twilight? Oh she’s.. uh… girls where’s Twilight?”

They look amongst themselves giving a few shrugs. Her whereabouts appeared to be unknown. I couldn’t help question if she was hurt. Frantically the group paced through the enlarging crowd until she made her way down the steps from the spiral tower surprising us all. Strangely she didn’t appear as chipper as expected.

Spike was the first to greet her now surrounded by a small crowd. “Twilight we did it! The crystal ponies got their love back!”

I have to lean against Pinkie to not fall over, “I must’ve missed a lot”

Dash to my side nods next to a seemingly shell shocked Fluttershy. “Things got pretty hairy but, we always win in the end” I didn’t know if I would use the term win and I would be willing to point this out if it wasn’t for the fact the two of them were dressed in armor.

“What’s with the getup?”

She lifts the helmet off her head handing it to me, “This? Twilight read the crystal ponies would host jousting tournaments back in the day so me and Fluttershy did that”

Shy remained shaking in her attire, “Really looks like you two had fun”

“Least she didn’t faint this time. Honestly I was impressed!” She gave Shy a tough pat on the back drawing her from her daze.

“Huh? Whu- is it over?! Is it all over?”

“It’s over dude” she exhaled in relief fainting on the ground. “Aaaand I spoke too soon” Dash focused back to me. “What happened to you? The other princess mare um… Cadance said you got cursed or something”

“Nearly died” I sit down, still feeling nauseous. “Fucking Sombra asshole put some super fever shit on me and I almost died, a-fuckin-gain”

“But you didn’t, a-bucking-gain”

“Doesn’t change the fact I’m not suitable for these big adventures! I’m not even that fragile, it’s just that this world is incredibly dangerous!”

Aj walked over to my side taking off her hat, “I really hate to say this but, I think Joeys right. Maybe we shouldn’t be invitin him on all these trips, specially if they’re from princess Celestia herself”

I reach out to give her a hoof bump, “Thank you! A voice of reason”

“But what about all the fun you’d miss? Plus it’s more time we get to spend together! Think of it as really scary date night only with big evil ponies and forgotten cities” She rubs her face against mine. I really do appreciate how she doesn’t yell nearly as loud when I’m this close, it’s a nice touch. I also appreciate the fact the attention is off me now, the conversation between Twilight and Spike more distracting.

“Spike, this was supposed to be my chance to prove to Celestia how hard I’ve been working! I’m really happy that you saved us all and that the crystal ponies are safe but, would you understand if I told you I was still disappointed in myself?”

“But you trusted me to take the crystal heart! I’m sure that’s some sort of friendship lesson she’d like” Twi’s ears sunk against her skull.

“I hope so… I guess I should write another friendship report”

Ignoring the downtrodden Twilight, the city ponies now sparklingly bright, lifted Spike high into the air, tossing him up several times with cheers. It was a joyous vibe, the crystal ponies now free of fear able to live their lives once more.

An hour or so goes by before we started making our way back to the train station, the group disheveled and cheerful. Cadance and Shining stayed behind watching over the city, likely the new royalty to hold the throne. Twilight seemed to cheer up some over time, now joking with Rarity about potential new dress designs using the crystal ponies materials. Things were good. I even almost forgot my argument with Pinkie… almost. To say things were a little awkward would be an understatement. I wish things could’ve been cleared up earlier but, if it wasn’t for my near death experience we had to postpone. We both shuffled in our seats.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I should’ve told you when something was wrong but, I did that shit again when I thought I shouldn’t bother you”

“Joey you really scared me this time…” her expression much more serious and concerned then her normal bouncy exterior. The sight alone made me feel even more disappointed.

“Pinkie I swear I’ll do whatever you ask if you forgive me. Please, I’ll even comb your mane every morning”

“First off, you know I don’t comb my mane! And secondly, I already forgave you stupid!”

“Wait what?”

“That wasn’t you that yelled at me silly, I know it wasn’t. My joofus wouldn’t be so mean”

“Pinkie I was terrible to you”

“Nope! Not my Joey… but, we do need to talk about you keeping things from me again. How am I supposed to help you if you don’t speak up!”

“I know, I know. It won’t happen again”

“Don’t make promises you can’t keep, just try to be better. You can do that for me right?”

I take her hoof in my hand, “I can”

She sighs, “It makes me feel like there’s a big rain cloud in my head when you do things like that. That the Pinkie inside can’t see the sun and her picnic is all ruined cause she’s not dependable enough to be trusted”

“You are dependable! Hell if I didn’t have you I don’t think I would’ve made it when I first moved out of Twilights. Pinkie I was suicidal”

“Let me be your sunshine then, let me clear away the clouds in your head” my heart aches.

Hugging her into my chest she sits atop my lap returning the embrace. “You’re already my everything Pinkie… and that was a little too cheesy”

We pull apart with our noses touching, staring into each others eyes. She warms my heart, leaving me with butterflies in my stomach.

“But I thought you loved it when I’m cheesy”

Her innocent smile causes me to kiss her head and boop her nose for good measure.

“Dawwww you two are adorable!” A returned hoodie from one of the girls slams into Dash’s face making her fall backwards into the seat in front of us.

I turn my attention back to Pinkie, “Wanna do it the doggy way when we get home?”

Giggling she kisses me, “I actually spoke with Cadance about a couple other ways we can do it”

“When did you do that?”

“About twenty minutes ago”

“Princess perv finds time no matter the circumstances” I can practically see her grin.

The rest of our train ride is rather uneventful. Not much longer from our departure, we arrive in Canterlot for a pit stop. Twilight needed to deliver the news and the rest of us followed. She doesn’t take very long with Celestia, breaching the throne room doors with a large smile.

“I passed!” And the group was ecstatic again.

After spoiling ourselves with some ice cream in Twilights name we head back to our train for the long journey home. The mood didn’t settled down until we got close to Ponyville. We were beat, exhausted from the long day. Saying our goodbyes to the others Pinkie and I made our way back home in the dark, a insane chain of events leading us back to where we started. It’s crazy to think just this morning we were unaware of the danger awaiting us. Opening the door to my house a large dark figure towered in the center of the room. Pinkie lagging behind jumped into the air at the sight, hanging onto me from fright.

“AHHHH A SHADOW PONY!!!!”

Instantly every candle to my home became alit revealing the pony within.

“Hath thou lost their mind?!?” Luna walked over to me with rage in her eyes. I expect a slap but instead she looks to the pony behind me in anger. “You have endangered our love again and we shall not stand idle while you test thou’s luck with fate once more!”

“Uh Lulu?” I question.

“YOUR LOVE?!” Pinkie rightfully questions as well.

“It has become clear to us that you are incapable of protecting Joey and have continually placed him in harms way! We wish to take him with us to guard him at the palace til properly protected from his illness and other dangers. This is clearly the correct decision to be made and there is no pony more qualified than I”

I remanded dumbfounded at the whole experience, my mouth ajar. Pinkie stepped forward in my behalf, “Joeys not going anywhere! I’m perfectly capable of protecting him as is, isn’t that right?” She turns back to me with fire in her eyes.

“Err..”

Author's Note

Sorry for the wait on this one, life’s been tough. Almost no free time and past issues came back

Hope you enjoyed :)