Author's Note

Hello! For anyone who comments on my story, if I don’t reply it’s likely because I either can’t or don’t have much to add therefore I put a thumbs up to let you know I saw it instead ;)

So if your comment goes without response and a thumbs up I likely haven’t seen it yet. I’d like to try and be responsive as possible for those taking the time to read my story

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the chapter and have a nice day/night

21 Paint the Town Pink

Like normal, my life is without regularity. First, the incident with princess moon butt. Given our exhaustion and the time of day our discussion with the fiery Lulu was brief.

“Thou means to tell us thee King Sombra, the very same who banished the Crystal Empire attempted to posses my dear Joey?”

“What?! Were you even listening? I said he made him all silly!”

“Silly? You truly think I would believe such babble? Do not mistake us for a common fool, the report I was given states he nearly died!”

I attempt to interject, “I uh-“

“We had everything under control! I’d never let anything EVER happen to him and you better believe it sister!”

“Such gallant talk expected from the element of loyalty, or was it laughter? Yes, the clown of the group, I remember it clearly now”

“Luna-“

“Better to be a clown then a big meanie. I’m sure he’d find spending time with me way more fun than anything a big gloomy mare like you could have!”

“Why you- I will have you know we hosted the original Equestria games until the ponies found our entertainment too ‘dangerous’. Hath thou ever hosted a gladiator tournament for Equestria? No, we did not think so”

“Oh yeah! I bet you can’t even host a birthday party and I’d know cause I host ALL OF THEM!”

“Girls please-“

Luna closes the gap, their faces only inches apart, “We would be a much better suitor for his courtship than thou simply from experience alone. Do you know how to pleasure a stallion the royal way?” She blushes however lightly compared to my own.

Pinkies face turns hot as well, “I know how to pleasure a hooman which is more than you can say!”

“Thou can’t even say human right!”

“Who cares!”

“GIRLS!”

They stop their bickering and look to me shocked. “You two are being ridiculous! Luna! Why did you come to my house unannounced hiding in the dark and why do you think it’s a good idea to insult my marefriend by saying she’s incapable of helping me? She’s been here every step of the way, supporting me in any way she can. Never complained, never quit. So if you don’t apologize right now for what you said I’m going to have to ask you to leave”

“Yeah, say your sorry!” I turn to Pinkie now.

“And you! Can’t you understand why she might be so riled up? She’s one of my best friends and scared about my well-being. Sure she’s been a little rude but, that’s no reason to instantly go at each other’s throats!”

“But she-“

“No buts! Both of you apologize”

“Why would we need to-“ *death stare* “-Miss Pie we would like to apologize for our rude disposition”

“And pinkie?”

Her hoof traces circles, “I’m sorry for getting mad”

“Thank you, both of you. Now Luna, I’ll vouch for Pinkie and say she does a wonderful job keeping me safe. Given the circumstances I’d say she did as well as a pony could so could you not barge into my house and start fights with everypony?”

With a frown and I sigh, I can tell she’s displeased with herself. “Once more I do apologize for my actions. Although many years have passed since our life carried any sense of normalcy. However, we know that is no excuse for the inability to be civil, I was a princess before our banishment as I am now”

“You’re figuring it out. I know you’ll be fine”

“Yes, with friends such a thou I do believe a quick adaptation would be more expected than without and I thank you for that” pacing some around the room she continues, “Yet we seem to still struggle with the idea our closest friend has nearly died once more. Please explain to us what happened in your own words”

“That’s fair enough”

I give her a rundown of everything that happened, leaving almost nothing out. By the end of my recap she had completed settled down. The three of us sat on my couch, me the divider of the two. Pinkie held tight around my arm glaring daggers toward Luna while she let her Lunar mane flow viciously behind her.

“Hm, perhaps the best course of action was taken however, this does not make this conversation over. We still believe it would be in thou’s best interest to stay at the palace with us until this is all figured out. At least until we can in good faith leave you unattended”

“Luna you’re not my mother, I can take care of myself and I don’t want to stay at that castle. First, your sister lives there and things would be all awkward. Second, I have my own place already and I like living here. It’s secluded and I get plenty of privacy. Third and the last reason, all my friends live here!”

“We do not reside here. Are we not considered a friend?”

Not cool playing the guilt card

“Don’t do this Lu, you know I like to talk and hang out with you whenever I can”

“Yes, but we- I miss you every time we part! Each goodbye is to lose our rose so quickly pulled from a hoof without another moment of cherished smell. I’m left with nothing but the pain of a prick, a memory of when loneliness did not come for us during the ever so lengthy nights. I cherish every second thou gives I do swear but, I wish for more then bittersweet dream meetings”

Conflicted I’m unsure what to say. Here my friend is spilling her guts to me, making me aware of her struggle against loneliness and I cannot find a solution that caters both sides. I can’t just up and leave the girls until Luna finds a temporary cure. Who knows how long it could take and I couldn’t ask Pinkie to come with me as well.

“Princess Luna?” Pinkie asks, now letting go of my arm. “Do you love Joey?”

With all seriousness she nods, “By my hearts desire, I do solemnly swear”

Pinkie looks to me, “Joey… you should go”

“What?”

With a quick glance back to Luna she strengthens her resolve, “Joey she’s right! I can’t protect you like she can”

“Pinkie yes you can! You already have!”

She shakes her head, “I want you to be safe and I can tell Luna wants that for you as well. I wouldn’t be a good marefriend if I didn’t let you go”

“That’s not true”

“We both know it would be the safest plan. Even I know that. Me, Pinkie Pie”

“Pinkie you’re not stupid so don’t pretend like this is some sort of obvious decision”

“But it is! What if the girls need me for another crisis! I can’t worry about being an element and worry about you as well. I’ll be honest Joey, I’m sort of stressed out from it”

“Can’t you come with me? Think of it has time off from hosting parties, like a vacation. And if the girls need you, you can just take the train back”

“Hosting parties is my favorite thing to do though”

“Then host them in Canterlot til we get back. I bet all those nobles never had a real party before, a party only you could throw”

“But the ponies in Ponyville need me and the girls, the girls need me here too. I could be needed like right away! I can’t come with you”

“She right. The elements of harmony must stay close together if we are to have any chance against a new threat. We couldn’t possibly ask for them all to join you either”

“But… I, I need you Pinkie! I’m a mess without you!”

Smiling she gives me a hug, “You don’t need me to hold your hooves every step of the way. You’re a big colt and big colts can make it on there own. Plus you got princess Luna” she gives a small smile her way.

“But… but”

“This decision doesn’t need to be made tonight nor do you need to leave with haste. For precaution, we would appreciate an answer before the end of the month” she places her attention to Pinkie and bows. “Thank you Pinkie Pie for understanding our worry. We place our trust in thou to protect him no matter his decision”

“I’ll keep stupid safe I swear!”

Giggling she makes her way over to the door, “We will begin our research tonight to ensure a quick return if you do choose to join us at the palace”

I spin quickly to face her, “How long would I be gone if I did go?”

“Oh I wouldn’t keep you longer than a few months”

“And Pinkie could visit me anytime?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t dare hold you two apart. This isn’t a banishment or a quarantine. We are simply keeping thou safe as the elements go off on their adventures at least until we find a way to protect you”

“But if you don’t find a way after a few months I go home?”

“It would be rather rude to make lovers stay long away. I may appear a cold mare on the outside but, I hold a heart just like anypony”

“Ok… I’ll think about it”

“Indeed you shall. Goodnight to you two. May the moonlight soothe your slumber” with a swoosh and a poof of dissipating mist, she vanishes from sight.

A squeeze against my arm reminds me about the mare to my side, “Are you sure you’re okay with me going?”

She burrows her face into my chest, “No but, I want you to be safe and I know princess Luna will make sure that happens. So if I have to be a tough mare and take care of the house by myself I will!”

“What if I tell her no” she stops rubbing her face into me to hold her teeth out, ready to bite. “I would really miss you!”

“Send me letters! And it’s not like I wouldn’t come visit you. You know I like adventures”

“It’s not really an adven- *munch* -AH! Look at you, Daring Do’s prodigy in the flesh!”

“That’s better”

“You can’t just bite me every time you don’t like what I say”

“Sure I can!”

“*sigh* so you think what she said is the right thing to do?”

“Yeah but, it’s not gonna be easy peasy. Can you promise me you’ll be a good little colt by yourself?”

“Can you promise me you won’t burn my house down?”

“Our house”

I hug her close, “Our house”

“Sí”

“Spanish now huh?”

“Oui”

Another week passed and I still hadn’t given Luna an answer. There was only one more week til month end so if I was going to make a choice it would need to be soon. Still stumped, I planned to ask Twilight as well to see her opinion. Surely she would have a insightful response.

“You should go” she’s doesn’t even turn around to look my way, keeping her focus on the book in front of her.

“But that would mean we’d never see each other for like 3 or 4 months! Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Meh, that’s only like a quarter of a year Joey. We’re all young still, why does it matter? And given the context, this will ensure we don’t have to worry about your issue anymore”

Sitting down on the chair beside her I look out the window of her small study, “I know I probably should but, what if it’s all a waste of time?”

“Then you’ll have no regrets”

“Wouldn’t I regret going? Also you don’t seem very bothered by all this”

“You haven’t done a very good job staying in touch with me anyway since you’ve moved out. It’s not like I’m used to you living with me anymore” there’s clear bitterness in her voice.

“Sorry”

“Have you even asked Pinkie about us yet?”

“…”

“Ugh” she face hoofs.

“Look it’s really tough to bring that up alright? When am I supposed to ask that? During breakfast? Hey Pinkie I know you just made me this wonderful meal but, I was wondering if you would be okay with me dating Twilight. Even though you do everything I want and more it’s just not enough for me”

“She wouldn’t think that!” She bops me on the head with her book. “Pinkie knows about herds already you big dumbo and I’m her friend. She knows I won’t try to steal you”

“I guess I’m just used to chicks back home being so territorial. They’d even go through your phone, through your mail..”

“What does chickens have to do with this conversation?”

I blink twice, “Mares Twilight. Chicks is another word for mares”

“Oh”

“Maybe if you weren’t buried in your books you’d know a thing or two about courting”

She stops reading, “I know about courting!”

“Does everything you know come from reading a book?” She bashfully looks away. “Exactly”

I make my way over and place her in my lap, stealing her chair. I drape myself over her shoulders, holding the book up she was reading. It’s a little awkward given her horn but, it’s easy to keep it away from my face. Checking her reaction through a small mirror on the table I can see she’s blushing heavily.

“Um… you don’t need to uh” she struggles to speak.

“See? Flustered already”

“Any mare would be flustered if a big stallion held her like this! Specially a stallion she likes!”

“Easy there Sparkle, don’t want your seat to poke ya now do you?”

Her face is practically on fire, “Please Celestia kill me”

“Hehe, I’m kidding. You couldn’t handle all this stallion anyway” She puffs her cheeks and crosses her hooves frustrated. “Alright I’ll stop” I take a peek over her shoulder to read the book myself. It’s in some form of Poniesh I can’t read.

“It’s a spell enchantment book. I found this back in the crystal empire’s library. There’s all kinds of new spells I’ve never heard before in here. Like this one” she points to a specific squiggly line. “This one can turn any fruit into a different fruit”

“Sounds practical” I say sarcastically.

“Don’t be such a dolt. I know you’re smarter then you let on”

“Now you sound like my teachers”

“And did you ever listen to them?”

“Not soon enough. One college debt later and I realized maybe they were on to something”

Shifting against me she try’s her best to ignore the situation and focuses back on her book, “Anyways if you’re looking to help me today I have a few tests I want to run in town. Care to join me?”

“Why not have Spike help you? I’m sure he’s much better at the supportive role”

“When it comes to magic? Yes, although if you haven’t noticed already he’s not here”

“Where is he?”

“Fluttershy’s. Said something about helping her with some bird houses or something like that”

“Ooooo, I did it!”

She states quizzically, “Did what?”

“Set those two up! Or at least Spike to Shy”

“Huh? Why did you do that? Don’t you know he likes Rarity?”

“Sounds like you haven’t been keeping up. He’s done with Rare, he’s a new drake now”

“I don’t understand, why Fluttershy?”

“I don’t know, the two of them looked adorable together during Hearths Warming and I felt like she would be more likely to view him as an adult given her knowledge of different races and animals”

“You do know her knowledge is mainly animals correct?”

“Wait what? Shit… well they’re still cute together don’t you think?”

“I guess… I just hope he doesn’t get his heart broken”

“Again. Let’s clarify he’s already gone through the ringer once”

She shakes her head, “Poor Spike. I really hope you didn’t just set him up for disappointment again” Laying her head down on the table she blows on her bangs. “There’s times where I’ve realized I can’t be everything for him. He’s grown into a stallion right before my eyes and I can’t provide some of the help he needs now” she flips her head back into my chest, staring up at me. “Thank you for helping me with him. You’re like a father to him you know”

I wasn’t prepared blushing at her words, “Woah heh, let’s go easy now. I think he sees me more like a brother”

“I don’t know, he often wants to come to you for certain questions he’s too embarrassed to ask me but, lately he said he can’t because you always make fun of him if he gets too serious”

“Oh… damn” it’s a blow to my heart. I hadn’t realized I was causing trust issues with my joking. I knew I could go too far sometimes but, I never imagined to hear this. “I didn’t know… what should I do?”

“I guess go easier on him… and if he feels like asking you a question I’ll tell him I talked to you about taking things more seriously”

“That’s makes it seem kinda forced no?”

“Better than you humiliating him!”

“Yeah your right. Let’s go with your plan”

“Flip the page”

“So what’s the first location of your testing today?”

“Honestly I was thinking about getting some lunch first. How’s that sound?”

“Sounds good to me, let’s go”

“Hold on now just wait”

“What?”

“… can we cuddle a little longer first?”

“Ugh fine, you adorable little nerd”

“I’m not a nerd!”

“Uh huh” I nod placing the book down and leaning back into the chair. Squeezing her tight against me she moves into my hold.

“Mmm” she hums in delight. “This is nice”

Closing my eyes I pour my attention toward the feeling while stroking her soft stomach with my hand. Her lavender scent pools into my senses, taking over my brain. She’s all I need in the moment. My hand explores her purple tummy stopping just before her lower legs. This was a innocent experience I didn’t want it to be anything more. My intentions didn’t match up with my actions however as in my distraction I slipped a little too low only once causing her to twitch. She places a hoof to her mouth in an attempt to stifle her moan, failing miserably.

Our faces heats up and I retract my hand. “Sorry!”

Still slightly embarrassed from my accidental tease, she relaxes back into me. “I didn’t mind…”

Brain function failing. What is next course of action?

“Uhhhh”

“I’m just teasing!” She jokes leaping off me with a smile. “Now let’s get going before you make me fall asleep. Those hands really are dangerous”

Stunned a little, I’m able to squeak out a few words, “Y-yeah let’s go”

She turns back toward the exit and starts her trot away. A smell seeps into my nose that’s only familiar in one other situation. Me and Pinkies first time. Yuck, pony musk. Shaking my head to clear any naughty thoughts I follow behind her outside.

A kind breeze reminds me of the lengthy Equestrian summer, an experience I wasn’t accustomed to quite yet. Giving the sun a glare of disgust, I see Twilight waving for me to follow a little down the road. Ponies litter the streets given the good weather and time of day, almost making me want to turn back inside but, I push forward. Can’t run away from my problems everyday, best to learn to live with them.

To my surprise, by the time I catch up with Twilight and we reach her destination the amount of attention I gather is rather slim. The few eyes I do get happen to get are soft, happy of my presence. I can’t help but feel strange inside, unfamiliar.

“Is it just me or is everypony chill with seeing me today?”

Peeking herself Twilight can’t suppress her smile, “You’ve lived here for almost a whole year now you do know that right? They’re probably just used to seeing you by now”

“Yeah but the smiles? The happy little waves? What happened to all the ‘evil human’ in our town hate?”

We both take a seat around a small circular table outside a cafe. A few surrounding tables take notice of our arrival and greet us accordingly. Very friendly and very cordial I might add.

“See? They needed to warm up to you! You forget ponies are naturally herbivores and we can’t help be afraid of things we’re not use to, specially big aliens with fangs”

“Makes sense yet remember when I beat that stallions ass in public and everypony thought I was too dangerous?”

“It wasn’t everypony and most ponies now think you’re a hero. That news story on you wasn’t throw to the wayside, Equestrians really do pay attention to that stuff”

“Really?” I look over to a brown mare drinking her shake by herself. She gives me a warm smile and a wave forcing me to wave back. “I kinda joked about the not being a hero thing, I didn’t actually take that shit seriously”

“Well you’re a gallant knight to all the town mares now so watch out”

I whip my head back her way, “What?! Why do you say that?”

“Oh just the gossiping of a few mares that came by the library… like once a week. ‘Twilight can you put in a good word for me to your human friend? He looks so strong under those clothes of his. I bet he blah blah blah blah blah’!”

“Yikes. I’m beginning to think it was better when I was hated”

“Least they’re too afraid to talk to you directly. I know how you don’t like attention”

“That, I do not”

“What can I get you two?” Our waitress sneaks between us.

I had yet to even browse the menu, grabbing it quickly to gloss the options. “I’ll have a daffodil sandwich please” Twilight replied.

“Umm..” most of the shit on it was for ponies. A bunch of flower sandwiches, hay fries, shit I can’t digest.

Twi notices my struggle and orders for me, “He’ll get a vanilla shake”

“Wait y’all got shakes?” I flip the menu over looking for any evidence of the word.

“Yes we do however, they’re kind of a secret. We took them off the menu a few weeks ago but, you can still order them” she takes our menus leaving us to ourselves once more.

“Why do places do that? The whole secret shit on the menu shit”

“I heard it was because they were trying to move on from selling just shakes. To tell you the truth it was the main reason I came to this shop when I first moved to Ponyville”

“Where did you live before? You might’ve told me but, I can’t remember”

“Canterlot. I was always surrounded by my books. Didn’t have time to make any friends. I always thought making friend was pointless and stupid and that I should focus all my time into studying if I was to impress princess Celestia. Who would’ve thought I was doing the complete opposite of what she wanted all that time”

“You think she wanted you to be miss friendship from the beginning?”

“Maybe not to that extreme but, to at least make some friends. Like I said, I didn’t know any other pony beside Spike!”

“Heh, sound worse then me”

“I was!” Her eyes remained wide like she still can’t believe it.

“And look at you now, queen of friendship”

She giggles, “Okay that’s enough” she flips her saddlebag open and pulls the book up from earlier onto the table. “Now for my first spell I want to try and make an apple into an orange” she pulls an apple out as well setting it down on the table between us.

“Seems easy enough… although should I be sitting here? You’re not gonna miss and orangeify me are you?”

“Depends… are you going to distract me while I do this or…?” Her horn starts to glow purple and I shift back a little in my seat.

“You can’t actually turn me into an orange right?”

Anticipation builds. It might be a small spell but, any opportunity to see strange magic is a blessing to me. Remember it’s as the name says, magic. Almost no explanation behind its logic.

Just before Twilight fires her spell a pink pony behind her shouts loudly causing her to fire wildly into the air.

“HI TWI- WHOA!” We all duck instinctively yet the magic’s speed would’ve been too fast to dodge anyway.

The bolt deflects off several objects before striking a toad on a birdbath turning its torso into an orange. “Holy shit! That could’ve actually orangified me! What the fuck?!”

“PINKIE!” Twilight yelled. “Why did you scare me like that?! I could’ve hurt somepony!”

“My bad! I didn’t see you were doing a magic. Anywho, what are you two up to? Need any help? I can totally help you two if you need help so long as you say you need help and actually need help”

“No Pinkie I got Joey here if I need any help”

“But isn’t two helpers better than one? That’s like twice the help!”

I pat her on the head, “Nice Pinkie, you did a math but, Twilights right. We got this on our own. Maybe some other pony could use some help though”

Sure enough Rarity happens to bump straight into the pacing Pinkie. Her head covered in a strange hood and the rest of her body in a large coat. Taking no time to ask questions Pinkie immediately pulls it all off revealing a well put together dress. Something you’d where at a fashion show or at least what I think you’d where.

“Wow! That’s a super cute dress Rarity! How come you didn’t tell me you were making such a wonderful outfit? Huh, now that I think about it, you all were having fun without me! What if there’s fun going on somewhere right now that I’m not a part of as well! What if I miss it! I gotta go girls!” And with that she bolts off into a pink blur leaving behind a few pieces of confetti.

“That was sudden” Rarity remarks while putting her disguise back on. “What are you two up to on this fine day?”

“Before I was so rudely interrupted… I was trying out some of these spells from one of the books I got in the Crystal Empire”

“And you must be her dashing assistant today. Where ever is my Spikey wikey though? Shouldn’t he be here as well?”

“Twi said he was at Fluttershys”

“She asked for some help this morning and I gladly shipped him off cause I knew I had another potential helper on the way” she winks to me.

“Rarity can you believe she just uses me like this?”

Laughing she starts to take her leave, “Be nice to Joey Twilight, you know how fragile he is”

“Hold up I am-“

“See you later Rarity!”

“Bwha- see you Rarity! Ah fuck” she rushed me preventing my defense. I was fragile now. “This stinks” I cross my arms pouting.

“Such a drama queen.. “ she whispers, bringing her focus back to the apple.

I watch closely as she fails a few more times. Every attempt caused the apple to change in shape only for a brief moment, eventually returning to normal each time. Each minute continues to pass slower than the last and her score versus the apple grew increasingly lopsided. We had finished our meals and now looked on to the fruit, begging for its cooperation.

“I only… need this… to work once” Failure. She wipes the sweat accumulating on her brow and takes a swig of her water. “Wow, this is a toughie”

“You almost had it though”

“I almost had it every time but, this time… this time I’ll get it!” She squints, intensifying her effort.

The apple starts to move again. It stretches… convulses and then…

Whack! Pinkie slams face first into Twilight causing her to fire another shot off into the air, this time striking a bird in a nearby tree. It’s now orange shaped body flew into the air by its remaining bird appendages.

“GAH! Pinkie! What are you doing now!”

“Oh hi Twilight! I’m trying to time myself to see how quickly I can get back to Sweet Apple Acres from where Dash is to make sure I don’t miss anything between the two!”

“And how’s that going?”

“I’ll be good If I can just cut off…. twenty minutes”

Twilight giggles and I place a hand on her shoulder, “Pinkie you’re not going to be able to hang out with them both. Just pick one I’m sure they’ll understand”

“The only way you could ever meet with them both would be if there was more of you to go around”

Pinkies internal clock seems to tick away until she leaps into the air in a eureka! “*gasp* THE MIRROR POOL! I gotta go! Thank you Twilight!”

“The what?” She spoke so quickly I couldn’t make out what she yelled.

“Ignore her, I’m sure it’s just Pinkie being Pinkie”

Shrugging my shoulders I can only agree. Back to the apple that’s clearly not an orange. “Are you sure you’re the element of magic cause this seems like a fairly simple spell”

“Funny coming from somepony who can’t do magic”

“Me and you both know the individuals that make the best critics are the ones who’ve never done the thing they’re critiquing”

My joke distracts her enough to cause a pause, “Joey I really need to focus. This isn’t a simple spell, I’m converting the molecular anatomy of an object into another object!”

“Is it supposed to be easier cause it’s an apple or would it be easier with like a quill changed to a pencil?”

“Hm, good question. I have no clue”

“Ah science” I sit back into my chair admiring the hole Pinkie dug into the earth. “Any good scientist would start with a hypothesis you know. Learned that in school” I puff my chest out.

“Heh, yes you’re quite the scientist. Oh wait, did I say scientist? I meant test subject”

I stand back aghast, “Twilight! How rude! You’ve hurt my feelings. I don’t think I could ever forgive you” turning my head away I sit with arms crossed in a dramatic fashion.

Ignoring my foolishness her horn lights again. Same as the last failures it’s a rinse and repeat. Not even 20 minutes pass before Twilight seems to tire and I feel the need to step in.

“Okay big filly, I think that does it. You look exhausted”

She sits with a light sweat going, her posture slumping slightly, “One more. I can do it this time I know I can”

“Alright but, we call it here”

Grunting she starts again and to my surprise blasts a purple bolt into her target. A poof of magical smoke hides our prize, had she finally done it?

“Twilight!” And large group of ponies make their way over to us led by Fluttershy. She’s pissed and so is everypony behind her.

“What’s going on? What’s with the crowd?”

“Pinkies! Pinkies everywhere!”

“Pinkies?”

I glance over to the table and spot a perfectly maintained orange. Grabbing it I try and show to Twilight.

A stallion in the back shouts up, “Yeah! I was opening up my shop for the day and a bunch of Pinkie Pies came running through the market and trampled my cart!”

“They ruined my date as well!” A mare yelled.

Fluttershy stepped forward, “Me and Spike were helping out my sparrows with their birdhouses when a bunch of Pinkies came and scared all my bird friends away!”

I grab her attention for a split second causing the corner of her lip to smile for me briefly. It doesn’t seem like she cares anymore at this point, still carrying a worried expression at the news.

“Uh, okay I’ll check in the library and see if there’s anything” she looks over my way, “Cmon Joey, we gotta hurry!”

As we run I can’t help question their complaints, “A bunch of Pinkies? Has this ever happened before?”

“They only seem not that surprised cause Pinkie has caused the town ponies some stress before. However this time it sounds like things are out of control”

“Sounds fucking crazy!” Then my brain can’t help but, go straight to the worst scenario. “What if Pinkies in danger? You think she might be held captive by changelings? Those things could shape shift into anypony right?”

“Calm down, she said some sort of old myth I’ve heard before when she ran off. I just can’t put my mind to what it’s called”

We reach the library and rush inside. Twilight uses her magic to tear through the shelves while I look around for anything that seems vaguely familiar.

What the fuck did she say again? Magic… something?

“Do you have any idea what we are looking for?”

“Um not really” her pile grows rapidly behind her. “I was kinda hoping you remembered the name”

“Shit” it’s all I really can say, focusing my attention to each bookshelf individually.

The task begins to become a needle in a haystack scenario, with things looking more bleak each passing second. Frustrations rise and crowd outside grows louder and larger. We hasten our pace. It’s not until Twilight accidentally strikes me with a book do I find a secret compartment on a bottom shelf. The blow slams me to the floor revealing a golden horse shoe behind a few books. Almost like a button waiting to be pressed it protrudes out faintly from the wall.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry! Are you okay?”

“More than okay” I reach toward the shoe and give it a press.

Flipping it reveals a small compartment where there rest a single book. I grab it into my hands and read over the cover. ‘The many rumors and myths of Ponyville’.

“This it?”

She pulls it into her possession flipping to a page near the middle of the text. “Legend of the mirror pool, found it!” With a peck on my cheek she focuses on reading the page while making her way to the door.

Placing my hand to the spot she kissed it takes a second for me to snap back, rushing to her side as she faces the crowd in front her library. “Twilight what are we-“

“Attention everypony! I’ve got the solution!” They all stop what they’re doing and give Twilight their undivided attention. “I need everypony to go back to their houses and wait inside until we have all the Pinkies taken care of!”

“What about my shop?! She broke my cart!”

“Yeah what-“

“Listen, you’ll have to speak with Pinkie or the mayor yourself after this is all done and taken care of, just please do what I asked and everything will be back to normal before you know it”

“How come the big human doesn’t do something about it? Shes his marefriend! I bet he had some part in this!”

“Isn’t he magical or something?”

Slammed by a thousand eyes I feel the need to shrink away back into the library. “I uh-“

“He didn’t have anything to do with this and he can’t fix it on his own either. Now if you all-“

The ground starts to rumble. With a pan to our left a large cloud of dirt speedily approaches. Everypony panics, splitting off into several groups running from the dust storm. Frozen in confusion I watch as it covers any ground left between myself and it in seconds. Before I’m trampled, the thunderous shaking stops and the cloud begins to fade. There has to be at least 40 to 50 Pinkies standing where it had previously remained.

“…wow”

“Hiya Tweelight! Hi Jody!” One of the pinkies hops over to us. “Is there any fun stuff going on over here?”

“Fun? Did somepony say fun?”

“I want to have fun!”

Overwhelmed at the sheer amount Twilight and I back away toward the entrance and leap back inside shutting the door. She barricades it quickly and turns around to face me.

“We have to find the real Pinkie!”

Peeking out the curtain, the several Pinkie trash the outside of Twilights home. “How do we do that? There’s at least like 40 Pinkies out there!!”

“I don’t know yet but, we should find the others first. Maybe they can help figure this out”

About an hour passes until the coast has cleared. We make our way through the town attempting to avoid the Pinkie hoard as much as possible but, eventually we realize it’s a fruitless endeavor. She’s everywhere. In the street, on the rooftops. There is no place safe from their pink rule.

Strangely I find the large amount of Pinkies more terrifying than cute. Instead of seeing the one I love in each Pinkie, I’m left with a feeling of worry. What if I can’t every figure out which one is her?

“You must be Joey! I guess you are kinda cute… in a weird alien way”

Well it’s not this one

Soon enough we get most of the girls together besides Pinkie herself and huddle inside the town hall. Cylinder shaped, the interior was made up only of a stage and several other materials for group meetings. Things like whiteboards or water coolers built the aesthetic of the room. It was more like a large shed then a town hall when you think about it.

“First off we need to get every Pinkie in the same room together. Then… we um, figure out a way to tell them apart I guess”

Rarity pushes me to the front, “We could use Joey couldn’t we? I’m sure there’s something he knows that only the real Pinkie would know”

“Yeah something icky like who’s the big spoon or who’s on top” Dash jokes.

“Twilight can we not have me reveal awkward private shit in front of everypony? Surely there’s another idea you can think of right?”

“I did have one idea but, I was hoping I could use the time rounding them all up to brainstorm a little more”

“Well lay it on us”

“Okay I uh, I figured only the real Pinkie would be willing to do something so incredibly boring for her friends that we could tell her apart from the others”

“Something boring? What like watching paint dry?”

“Actually hehe, yea”

“Wha-… what?! No we can’t do that! What if she accidentally fails and you count the real Pinkie out?!”

“Don’t tell me you have that little faith in her darling?”

“Er, no it’s not that…” Rarity completely shatters any defense I have. “I trust her I really do I just don’t… I can’t… lose her” it’s embarrassing to say aloud, at least to me.

Flutters is the first to console me, brushing my shoulder with a wing. “It’s okay to be scared. We understand”

“I’m not…” I bite my tongue settling for a sigh. There was no point in arguing. If I didn’t want to be worried about Twilights plan I could always do Rarity’s idea.

“So does everypony agree on that plan for now?”

The girls nod in agreement leaving all eyes on me. Even Spike shares a worried expression. “Fine”

“Okay so let’s get to it! First Rarity and-“

And the plan commences. Rarity, Shy, and Spike were to set up the town hall for our plan while myself, Aj, Twilight, and Dash were to round up any Pinkies we could find. I was a little out of place given my ability to only carry one Pinkie at a time however, it gave me a chance to find the real one before Twilights risky game. My first two Pinkies are clearly not my love and the third one only carries potential until I reach town hall again. Tired, I slow down my pace deciding to pick only one more Pinkie to return. I was going to be picky with this one.

Walking past a group of them painting a mares windows green, it can’t possibly be one of those. She liked pulling pranks but, never anything as serious as property damage. Another Pinkie hung upside down from a tree branch. I stood beneath her gathering her focus.

“Hi Joey!” She waved happily.

“Hey Pinkie! I was just curious-“

“Curious? About what? Sometimes I get really curious like a few minutes ago. I thought, how long would I have to hang upside down before everything stayed upside down even when I wasn’t actually upside down!”

“Since you’re feeling curious…” I start to blush thinking about what’s coming next, “You wanna see how long it would take in the doggy way before you become an actual doggy?”

That was the most perverted thing I’ve ever said

“The doggy way?”

Not our Pinkie, she’s too much of a pervert to pass up that opportunity. I keep walking up to the point where my path reaches similar surroundings. I was back at the cafe me and Twilight ate at earlier. Weird enough, Twilight was there too sitting at a table reading through that myth book. I take a seat next to her.

“Any luck finding the real one?”

“No. Most of them give it away rather quickly which makes me worry she could be in on the joke. Maybe we already have her in the town hall and she’s just playing dumb!”

“Ugh” I hold my head. “You’re going to give me an aneurysm. If this shit keeps up I don’t know how long I can keep myself from freaking out”

I’m telling the truth when I tell her this. Every minute that passes not knowing if she’s okay is taking a toll on my heart. I want to puke just thinking about it.

“It’ll be okay. Even if she’s in on the joke, when I explain the rules to her and all the other Pinkies I’m sure she’ll be the last Pinkie standing”

“So what are you going to do to the loser Pinkies?”

“Oh I was just gonna zap them with a simple lightning spell. The fake ones are only mirror copies, any disturbance to their body could make them explode”

“Could you zap them in a less harsh way so that you don’t zap the real Pinkie accidentally?”

“Sorry but the kind of disturbance we need requires a large amount of energy. Even if I hit the real Pinkie, which I won’t, she’ll be okay…. I think” she sinks back into her shoulders at the last part anticipating my response.

Remaining less explosive than she expects, I take a few deep breaths to calm myself down. “Twilight if you hurt Pinkie…”

“I won’t! I promise!” Her confident gaze is comforting somewhat yet not enough to drown my worry.

Laying my head on my arms I admire Dash as she snags up the remaining Pinkies. “I just hope she’s safe”

“Me too” she closes her book watching me sulk. “Joey?”

“Hm”

“She’s going to be okay”

“…”

“Do you… need a hug?”

“… I’ll be fine”

“I think you would be more fine if I gave you a hug” she holds her hooves out to hold me.

There’s some hesitation but, I eventually fold and share a hug. Feeling her firm grip around me followed by her soft whisper was enough to crack the glass wall holding emotions at bay. She didn’t say anything coherent, instead a mix of hums and bewitching murmurs lulling my anxiety. To relax now into her enchanting touch would be effortless.

“Mmm hmm… it’s okay, it’s okay”” tingles run across my neck. I could stay like this forever.

“I have to find her”

“Shhh, take a moment to relax. Dash will find all the Pinkies for us and everything will be fine”

I couldn’t relax, I didn’t have time for it. Escaping her hold I scan the surroundings for any Pinkies. None, well not none. There was one. She sat alone at a table nearby, her eyes red and teary. Fur matted from streaks of sadness poring down her face. Even if I wasn’t sure it was my Pinkie, the sight alone broke my heart. I’m compelled to help.

Making my way over to her Twilight questions my motive, “Joey you know that isn’t the real Pinkie, she’s never be all sad like that. Let Dash pick that one up and we can head back now to make sure everything’s good with the others”

“I’ll get this one Twi. You head back and I’ll catch up” Shrugging her shoulders she doesn’t argue leaving me with the crying Pinkie.

I pull up a chair and sit across from her at the table, leaning down to meet her face to face. “Hey, what’s a matter?” It’s almost like the sight of me makes her crying worse. “I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong”

“You can’t help me anyway…”

“How come?”

“Cause nopony knows who’s the real Pinkie anymore… not even me” she rubs her face trying to fight back against the endless tears.

I take a play out of Twilights notebook, “You need a hug?” She stops for a second looking up to me before nodding, unable to form any verbal response.

I come around the table and hug her close, sitting her in my lap. Stroking her mane I begin to lightly sing a tune from back home. I even alter the words a little to fit the situation some.

“Don’t be so down, come on young pony. You’ll be okay you found real love. All of stories the hero gets lonely, now is the time to show what you’re made of” I’m not much of a singer but, keeping my voice light enough makes it passable.

Sure enough after a few minutes of singing she stopped crying, now completely wrapped against my torso. She rubs her face against me completely covering my shirt in snot. Normally I’d be pissed but, at this point I’ve gotten used to it.

“You feel better?”

“That song wasn’t very happy”

I chuckle, “Not every song is supposed to be happy”

“Do you know any happy songs?”

“A few… not many. Do you want me to sing a different song?”

She shakes her head, “No, that’s fine… thank you” I let her sit in silence for a bit to gather her thoughts. “I heard Twilights plan. You should probably take me to other Pinkies now”

Call it a gut feeling but, something feels different. Looking into this Pinkies eyes I can’t help feel familiarity, a heartbeat connection. “Pinkie?”

For a moment her eyes light up but, just as quickly her ears fall back and she sulks, “It doesn’t matter if I’m the real Pinkie or not at this point. The girls wouldn’t take your word on a gut feeling” she hops down onto the dirt path and makes her way to the town hall. “Besides, I couldn’t call myself the real Pinkie if I didn’t prove myself the real Pinkie”

Jogging up beside her I begin to believe I’d found my Pinkie. “Pinkie you can’t go through with this! Twilight has this ridiculous plan and I’m afraid she might mistake you for one of those clones!”

“If she does that then the clone that wins is more Pinkie then I am”

Grabbing her I spin her focus toward me, “You’re being stupid! Stop for one second and think about how you’re making me feel!”

Pausing she holds a gaze to the dirt beneath her, “I have to prove myself otherwise how will the girls forgive me for ruining all their days. I made a big mess and caused all of Ponyville trouble! I can’t ever forgive myself for this”

I hug her again this time pulling her up over my shoulder, “Come on. If you’re so insistent we go then we’re doing this my way”

“But how do you know I’m the real Pinkie?”

“Because I love you and I can tell this Pinkie over my shoulder loves me too”

“You can’t tell if another pony loves you! That’s silly! Otherwise there wouldn’t be so much worry around Hearts and Hooves day”

“Pinkie if you just trust me I’ll show you a new way that’s even better then the doggy way”

“What?! Even better?!” She practically spins herself around over my shoulder to check my expression. “Are you telling the truth?”

“See? The other Pinkies didn’t know about the doggy way”

“Well uh… what if I only told a few of them about it. Yeah, what if it’s a secret between some of them”

“Come on Pinkie, stop being a poop and listen to my plan”

“But your plan probably stinks! You don’t even know if I’m the real Pinkie!”

“Ugh, humor me”

“Okay, want to hear a pizza joke?”

“Pinkie I meant-“

“Nah it’s too cheesy” she giggles to herself while I continue walking up to the town hall.

“Listen, I’m going to hide you in the back until Twilight removes all the other Pinkies to keep you safe. Then when she’s done I’ll pull you out and bam, problem solved”

“But she has to keep one Pinkie left otherwise there’s no winner”

“Shit. Well 50/50 odds are a lot better then 1/40, plus I can step in and vouch for you”

“Oookay but, don’t say I didn’t warn you that your plan stinks”

“Such a bully”

Sneaking into the back I leave Pinkie to herself with a white board and some markers to keep her busy. Don’t want her to get bored and jump out before it’s time. Coming around the corner I run into all the others and our large group of Pinkie Pies. Their chatter fills the room with obnoxious chirps and yelling. Twilight spots me and smiles.

“Good to go?” I give a thumbs up. “Okay. ATTENTION PINKIES! We’re going to play a game!”

“Oooo a game? I love games!”

“Games are fun!”

“Yup, yup!”

“It is fun! All you have to do to win is stay still and…” Fluttershy and Dash fly above to remove the curtain covering a large wall smeared with wet paint. “Watch paint dry!”

Without saying another word every Pinkie in the room snaps their attention to the wall. Each of them hold a strong stare, eyes wide open as if they were witnessing the greatest thing in Equestria. It was a cute little plan but, I’m glad I came prepared. I didn’t even have to worry knowing the real Pinkie was a room away safely protected. She most likely was doodling some sort of cute drawing right now.

Not even 30 seconds in one of the Pinkies break. “Ooo look a bird!”

ZAP. Shes hit immediately by Twilight and begins to swell up into a balloon shaped version of herself before exploding. Kinda felt like I just watched my marefriend die. Felt close enough to the point where I didn’t want to watch anymore so I head back to where I left Pinkie.

“Hey Pinkster how’s the-“ and she’s missing. As a matter of fact, there’s actually a pair of hoof prints in the dirt leading toward the other Pinkies. Directly toward the other Pinkies.

Holy shit she’s in the game

Previously not comfortable enough to watch I now felt obligated, checking every challenger for any difference. She was among them and there was no going back. Given the circumstances could you blame me for this next part?

Cue my panic attack. I become a mess of heavy breaths and rapid eye movement. Unknown to the others I crawl away into the back room, pinning myself into the wall back first. Closing my eyes doesn’t help, my heart races fast enough to hurt. The wet streaks across my face go unnoticed as I struggle to catch even one lungful.

I have to get out, this isn’t real. I’m home, I’m home. This is a dream

Desperately I plea for an end to this suffering, twirling around on the dirt floor for any sort of relief. I begin to feel like the walls are closing in I stand up and run to get outside. Adrenaline runs high, high enough to make me run without looking back. I don’t even know where I’m going as soon as I start but, anywhere would be better then back there. Why you might ask? Even I don’t know, I just need out. In my confusion I rush away toward the outskirts of town deep into the Everfree. I stop, satisfied with the distance. The silence deafening. Not even a chirp, not even a breeze. Peace.

Inhale… exhale… inhale… exhale…

It’s all I can do to settle myself before I remember the advice from my therapist. Honestly all the preparation in the world couldn’t have prepare me for that. I was in flight or fight mode, purely off instinct looking to survive. Now however, I was lost. Calmed from my break my awareness came back to me in a wave. Metaphorically speaking it would’ve drowned me.

Oh shit where am I? Where’s Pinkie? I gotta get back! I can’t stay here!

Not full blown panicked like before, I’m pushed with a sense of hurry. More of an anxiety to be honest. So I take my leave and start walking in the direction I most feel like would lead me back. It was small victory overcoming an attack by myself yet there was no time to celebrate.

Not only does the worry drive me back but, the strange quietness is a nice touch as well. I didn’t feel like staying any longer. With the direction of the sun and knowing where Ponyville faces the Everfree, my geography skills eventually pay off. Entering the clearing I give only one quick peak back to the forest, running back to the town hall. Something was wrong with that forest and I never intend to find out what.

I didn’t know how much time had passed yet from the sound of several zaps from inside it would be reasonable to assume the game is still going. My foot reaches the back entrance once again and freezes there. An invisible force from within holds me back.

“Don’t be such a pussy! Cmon just.. fuckin walk in there!” Frustrated I take a few steps back and take a large breath. “Alright, alright. We’re not going in there… we’re just gonna-“ I run back to the door as if I could catch myself by surprise. It doesn’t work.

“Fuck! Fucking fuck fuck!” Grabbing handful of hair I try to think of a way to trick my brain.

Look at me, thinking about tricking my brain.. with my brain. This will surely work, it’s not like I can think of what’s going to happen next

To an outsider I probably looked insane. Some weird dude talking to himself and pacing around an open doorway like it’s closed. What a freak. And that’s all it took, I didn’t want to be called a freak so I walked in. Peering toward the next room, purple flashes of light struck the wall at an increasing pace. Twilight was going off. If this was call of duty she would’ve dropped a nuke by now. Then, it stops. Silence… followed by… cheers?

Tiptoeing into the other room I peek around the corner to see the girls in a big group hug. Sure enough a certain pink pony sits in the middle.

“Pinkie?”

Hearing my voice she looks over and spots me. The smile on her face contorts and her vision blurs from tears. With a leap she hops into my arms bawling her eyes out. Her momentum brought us both to the ground, my arms wrapped around her in a hug.

“I’m Pinkie! I really am Pinkie!”

“I already knew that silly”

Whether it’s from spending too much time with these ponies are because I’m delusional from all the recent stress, I rub my face into hers like I was marking my scent. I couldn’t get enough of her at this point. She pulls away to look me in the eyes.

“Are you crying?”

“Huh?” I question rubbing my own tears from my face. “Uh… no it must’ve been raining outside. Yeah I took a little breather and… it was raining” Her giggles are only interrupted with a few sniffs.

“Joey you were right… I didn’t have to prove myself to my friends. They already know I care about them and I should’ve known they’d forgive me for messing up. This whole game thing was a crazy idea and I can’t believe I went through with it”

“Heh, heh… yeah crazy huh?” Twilight awkwardly shifts. “Sorry”

“Anyways I’m sorry Joey for worrying you and I’m sorry girls for not thinking you’d forgive me. I’ve been a terrible friend and hopefully I can make things right again”

“Ah shucks, there’s no need for that! We’re just happy you’re okay” looking over the rest of the girls they all nod in agreement.

A few more tears make their way down her face alongside a huge smile, “I love you all!”

“We love you too Pinkie” They all say one after another besides one mare.

“Yeah I love you too Pinkie but, not as much as big guy over there. You shoulda seen him! He was shaking in his boots when Twilight came up with that plan. I’m blown away he didn’t poop his pants!”

She checks my reaction to see if there’s any truth, “Yep, only had one panic attack and that’s it. Didn’t even need help this time to recover, did it all on my own“

Twilight steps forward, “Wait you had another panic attack? When?”

“Uhh”

If I tell her it’s when Pinkie was actually playing the game she’ll blame herself

“I sorta just freaked out from all the stress I guess”

“Oh… well tell one of us next time you feel one coming on. You shouldn’t try and deal with that alone”

“Yeah mister! That’s scary!”

“Pinkie you have no room to talk. You scared half the town to death with a Pinkie hurricane”

“Personally I think it’s more relatable to Revenge of the Sith with all the clones and all”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, “Pinkie you can’t say shit like that and expect anypony to understand besides me”

Looking over the others they all shake their heads confused. “Beats me dude” Dash shrugs.

“On another note, this feels like the perfect time for a new friendship report! Yayyy!” Twilights the only one that cheers. “Oookay then, yay me!”

I can’t hold back my laughter from the ridiculousness of this world. Friendship reports, clones, magic mirrors, it was all crazy.

“By the way we should probably close up the mirror pool so nopony makes the same mistake as me, hehe”

And so the rest of our day was planned out accordingly. We placed a big boulder over the pool and shared some hoof fives in celebration. And sure enough it’s location was in the Everfree.

We start making our way back when curiosity gets the better of me, “Hey Twilight, what’s with this forest? Why is it all spooky and evil?”

“Frankly, I don’t know. Seems like there’s a whole lot wrong with it doesn’t there? Mysterious mythological creatures, old castles, myths like the mirror pool. If I didn’t know any better I’d say it’s cursed!”

“Cursed?” Flutters starts to shake.

“Please don’t pass out Fluttershy, I really don’t want to carry another pony after all of those Pinkies”

“So so many Pinkies” I mutter.

“Sorry again girls. I didn’t mean for things to get so out of hoof” she bashfully remarks.

I scoop her up over my shoulders, “We all make mistakes sometimes Pinkie and the punishment is writing a friendship report”

“Hey!” Twilight yells from the front. “Friendship reports aren’t that bad!” We all look away. “Are they?”

I’m the first to break into laughter followed by the rest of the girls. Friendship reports really were that bad.