Author's Note

..the chicken dealer made me do it.

"KFC™ is..."

Cozy Glow evened out her stack of papers on the table. “Are you all excited for this presentation?” the filly asked with a little smile. When no response came, Cozy’s grin expanded slightly. “Alrighty then.

“KFC™. KFC™ is red. Now, do you know what else is red--”

Chrysalis bluntly pointed to Tirek, who gave a noncommittal shrug.

“IT ISN’T TIREK, YOU IDIOT!” The peach pegasus paused to let out an annoyed exhale. “But yes, it is the color red.”

The charcoal bug horse rolled her eyes, putting pressure onto her left hoof with her cheek.

“Red has three letters. KFC™ also has three letters.” She then shuffled through her papers, pulling out a flashcard. The side she held towards her audience of two was blank. “Three times three equals- hol’ up,” Cozy muttered, flipping the card to reveal the number as she read aloud: ”Nine.

“Seven, eight, nine. We are now left with seven, who like previously mentioned, ate nine.” Cozy smirked at the pun as a small rimshot echoed in the room.

“There are seven days in a week.” The filly paused, putting a hoof to her chin. “Week. Week rhymes with beak. Beak. Chickens have beaks.”-- Chrysalis gasped as the pieces of the puzzle conspiracy were slowly placed together in her mind. --“Chicken. Chickens have two wings; centaurs have zero wings.” Tirek grunted in annoyance from his seat.

“Two plus zero is two.” Cozy tossed the flashcard with that exact phrase behind her, still grinning smugly. From behind her back did she then pull out an empty KFC™ bucket, pointing at the front of it. “The colonel has two eyes. Chickens also have two eyes. So that would make two plus two equals to four.”

Cozy Glow proceeded to pull out a Happy Meal™ from underneath the now-existent podium beside her. “The first four letters of McDonald’s™ are the first four letters of McDonald’s™,” the filly stated profoundly. “McDonald’s™ sells chicken. KFC™ also sells chicken. McDonald’s™ is nine letters long.”

Tirek and Chrysalis leaned forward in their beanbag chairs, nodding anxiously.

“Nine. Nine rhymes with the word electromagnetic delay line.” Cozy Glow paused. “Magnet. Magnets are metal. Cages -- specifically from Tartarus -- are also made of metal.” Cozy Glow’s grin widened even when it seemed impossible by now. “Now, we all know chickens are kept in cages. Is it where KFC™ gets their chicken, though? Well, that’s what we’ll find out.

“Chickens have two legs, and.. uh..” The pegasus frantically flipped through her flashcards. “Spike also has two legs. Two plus two is four; the colonel had four limbs -- as far as we know, I mean, we never see his arms or legs on the bucket -- and the chicken has two limbs. Although if you count the wings, that’d make four. And four divided by four...”

A dramatic pause swept over the statue’s interior.

“...is one. The illuminati has one eye.” By now I think Flowey has possessed Cozy’s facial structure, which makes me very concerned.

”KFC™ is illuminati confirmed.”