All was now cloaked in darkness within the statue’s interior.

Then, a faint spotlight revealed Chrysalis in a platinum-colored crop top and thigh-length skirt. The top of which had a large, crimson ‘R’ embedded in the fabric.

“PREPARE FOR TROUBLE,” the changeling declared with one arm pointed outward for dramatic effect.

In another cylinder of light, Tirek appeared with the same uniform -- only without the skirt. A rose was between his teeth, because why the hay not.

“..AND MAKE IT DOUBLE,” Toronto added before breaking the fourth wall to glare at a specific little kid that was about to get sucker-punched in the nose—

An’ I oop—

“TO PROTECT THE WEBSITE FROM BORING DEVASTATION,” the cheese-legged beauty boomed.

~~Fun fact: this story was my solution to solve my burnout, but then caused another immediately after. So thanks alot my toxic online friend that I will refer to as “Cozy Glow 2”.~~

Cozy Glow gave a nonchalant shrug in the darkness, as her spotlight was malfunctioning at the moment. ( /sarcasm Can’t imagine why you suck at your job, Izzy Moonbow. /sarcasm )

The lavender unicorn in question ignored the crackling of sparks building up around the now-broken spotlights. Her tennis ball was way more interesting, anyhow. ~~Right, new addition of a Mario Tennis Aces™ Or Something™ game that I remember hearing was coming out!?~~

Tarmac exhaled with annoyance. “TO UNITE ALL CREATURES WITHIN OUR PRISON.”

Chrysalis then stepped forth, apparently not noticing an aflame piece of wood crash behind her. “TO DENOUNCE THE EVILS OF TRUTH AND LOVE!”

The centaur rolled his eyes, slumping forward as well to avoid a chunk of exposed, melted wires. “TO EXTEND OUR REACH TO THE COSMOS ABOVE,” he grumbled loudly over the crackles of literal destruction among our low-budget set,

because Cozy Glow really needs to stop blackmailing KFC™ with my money so they can release their fancy shmancy 3D Dorito with a top hat™ guy from Oregon that caused some sort of Armageddon there?—

“NO SPOILERS!” screeched Rarity from across the globe.

“CHRYSALIS!” the ‘all legs, no dairy’ bug horse continued with a malicious grin. Her pumice-like hooves pounded against the dust-blanketed concrete to further punctuate her seriousness.

* Cozy suddenly felt her sins crawl up her back as I just had to mention the dust.
...
Or maybe a live wire had literally clung to her back, temporarily paralyzing her in physical shock for a good ten-to-thirty-two seconds.

“I don’t get paid enough for this!” the somewhat-child-horse growled to herself, chucking the horrific piece of copper and electricity across the room after a minute passed.

Tirek then sighed, reluctantly continuing through this hysterical, jumbled mess of a chapter. “LORD TI-REK..!” came that weird accent in which I’m not sure how to express in writing, so for now the hyphen shall live. æ-

The changeling ruler was aghast at this. “We were using our formal titles this whole time?!”

Izzy’s tennis ball slipped off her horn, clanked against the chosen one — which is just that one pro-gamer spotlight that had Fire Resistance IV the whole time, and then decided to be impaled by Chrysalis’ horn this time.

The pro-gamer spotlight instantly flashed on, and Chrysalis turned her head so that the peach pegasus could bask in the engulfing warm light.

“Finally,” Cozy muttered, gently tugging on her dust-covered ensemble, which matched Chrysalis’ to a tee.

“COZY, THAT’S RIGHT!” the pegasus cheered on cue with a little ‘:3’ face, because I dunno, maybe she’s a furry-

XBOX Achievement: New Headcannon Acquired!

The trio’s spotlights combined into one as a shadowed symbol resembling a ginormous, cursive ‘R’ appeared behind them. It flickered in the background as the now-minor destruction of their set continued its rampage. All the while, the centaur, changeling, and pegasus all exclaimed as they recreated their classic tango pose: “TEAM DOOM, LET’S FIGHT!”

..And then the spotlights shut off as the ‘R’ collapsed next to them.

~~In the darkness, Cozy pondered, “Hey, if ‘Doom’ starts with ‘D,’ then why are we still going for the ‘R’ theme? And shouldn’t this be rated~~ E-D ~~for~~ Everybody ~~and~~ Dumb-Crackfic~~?”~~

Author's Note