A Pony's Desire: The Fantabulous Exoneration of one Starlight Glimmer

Starlight was awakened by a shake in the bed. She opened her eyes and saw Trixie jumping on the bed next to her.

“Wha?” she managed

“Oh look who’s alive!” Trixie said still jumping

“Cut it out!” She mumbled pulling her blanket over her head, but she felt her blanket removed completely from her body.

“What the hay?” She said still partly asleep, she saw Trixie had stopped jumping and was now holding the blanket over her with her magic.

“Do you know what time it is?” Trixie asked in an unusually demanding voice. Starlight looked at the clock on her side table and was instantly wide awake.

“2:00 in the afternoon?” She said bewildered

“Yeah!” Trixie said dropping the blanket back onto Starlight. “What they hay Starly? What’s the matter with you?”

Starlight remembered immediately why Trixie was annoyed. It was their twenty-two month anniversary of being together in a relationship, and every month, Starlight ordered a special breakfast from their favorite restaurant and Trixie put on a delightful mini magic show after breakfast. It was a small celebration, but each month they did it.

“Oh Trix, I… I’m so sorry” Starlight said, still bewildered, as she got out of bed.

“Oh its fine, everything is fine!” Trixie said, but she didn’t seem fine. She was clearly annoyed and disappointed. She paced around the bedroom for a while, then looked at Starlight, she didn’t look angry, but she did clearly want an explanation.

“I… I don’t know what happened” Starlight stammered.

“You never sleep late, you’re up before me usually” Trixie said, she now sounded concerned “Are you feeling ok? You’re not sick are you?”

“No, I’m fine, I just couldn’t sleep so at like 3 AM I popped some sleeping pills to help. I guess they helped a little too well” Starlight regretted what she said when she saw Trixie’s eyes go wide at the mention of sleeping pills.

“You’re on sleeping pills?” she gasped “When were you going to tell me this?”

Starlight didn’t know what to say, she couldn’t tell Trixie about the dreams

“Are you on fucking Percocet too?” Trixie demanded

“No!" Starlight asserted "I’m not on them, I just got some once, you know, just in case. I had them for my first time last night. I just couldn’t sleep but I was tired.”

Trixie pressed on “Why couldn’t you sleep? You sleep like you’re dead like every other night”

Starlight could not tell Trixie why she really took the sleep aid, but she knew Trixie would not let up until Starlight gave her a satisfying answer. There was just no getting around Trixie, especially when she was in a mood such as now.

“I just… I don’t know I guess I was restless from the busy week I had. No matter how tired I was I just couldn’t fall asleep” Starlight lied. She had no idea what Trixie would do if Starlight told her the true nature of the dreams, how she really felt about Twilight. She knew neither of them would be able to handle the repercussions.

“I’m sorry Trix, it won’t happen again” Starlight said

Trixie looked at Starlight for a long while, and then quickly squeezed her in a tight hug. “I thought something was wrong with you!” She said “Don’t scare me like that again!” Trixie let go of Starlight “And that damned Twilight better chill out with her workload for you!” She said getting annoyed again. Starlight tried not to let it get to her.

“Come on Trix, I can order us a yummy lunch, happy 22 months hun!” She said with a weak smile.

“Humph, took you long enough to say it!” Trixie snorted through a smile.

Trixie was still in her mood when their lunch arrived, but now she was just annoyed at Twilight for making Starlight work so hard. Starlight felt horrible lying to her partner, and even worse that Twilight was taking Trixie’s blame for it. None of this was her fault, it was Starlight who wasn’t content with her wonderful relationship. Starlight should have told Trixie the truth; but the truth would ruin what they had. There was no telling what Trixie would do if Starlight’s secret desire ever got out. Trixie could become unpredictable when things don’t go her way. Not to mention Trixie devoted to Starlight, Starlight knew she was the center of Trixie’s universe; her very grounding to this earth. And Starlight loved Trixie too, she meant every word of affection she ever told that pony. Starlight was confused, and last night’s dream only made that confusion much worse.

“Damn Starly, we might have to change the tradition to lunches on our anniversary, that was good!” Trixie said finishing her meal. Starlight faked her way through the meal; she didn’t really taste much, she was far too disturbed.

“Ya, its good!” She said trying to sound enthusiastic. “So, will you dazzle me with a little magic show?” she asked, Trixie’s magic shows always made Starlight smile.

“The Great and Powerful Trixie shall blow ye away with her amazing magical prowess!” Trixie shouted enthusiastically, and she got to work setting up.

Trixie put on her usual routine that never failed to amaze Starlight, Trixie had a special routine just for her. After a few card tricks and disappearing acts, and even a few jokes, the two were sitting, laughing in each other’s embrace, Starlight forgot about her issue for a little while.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you this morning Starly” Trixie said

“I’m sorry for the whole thing even happening” Starlight replied, she tried to tamp down her confusion rapidly returning. She knew that she needed to tell Trixie the truth, she knew that it would come out no matter what sooner or later. It would be for her own well being; this uncertainty tore Starlight up inside.

Trixie and Starlight passed the rest of the day running errands together. It greatly helped Starlight that Trixie was so talkative all the time, she usually filled up the silence with her endless talking about whatever was on her mind. But eventually, it was evening, and after a nice dinner, movie and some more amazing sex in the shower, it was time for bed. Starlight had dreaded sleep since her previous night, she knew she was in for another encounter with Twilight, and she knew this time it would be even more realistic.

In all of Starlight’s waking fantasies, she was in control of majority of her thoughts, and more often than not they would be interrupted before they ran away with her. But her sleep was very different, dreams were much more realistic. Starlight’s dreams were usually wild and vivid, but they never felt as if they were happening in reality, until last night. The incredible realism of that encounter resonated with Starlight’s core, and she knew it would only get more interesting from here. She was afraid of how much it would amplify her waking thoughts and feelings. “I nearly came in my sleep for Celestia’s sake! I felt her touch, taste and smell, I never felt those from a dream before” she thought to herself. She needed to do something soon. But where would she even start? How could she tell Trixie that she had feelings for Twilight that even she couldn’t wrap her head around?

“Coming to bed Starly?” Trixie said in her usual singsong voice at this time of day. Starlight came out of the bathroom and found Trixie unusually covered up for this time of night.

“I’m tuckered out love, mind if we just sleep?” She cooed in a soft voice

“That’s alright” Starlight replied, she kissed Trixie once again and flicked off the light

“Good night Starly, sweet dreams babe” Trixie said softly

“You too Trix, goodnight” Starlight replied, but she was uneasy.

Interestingly, she felt somewhat different as she drifted off to sleep, as if she somehow suddenly knew tonight would be different as she slowly entered her subconscious.

Starlight found herself in a large, open and dark space. All she could see in any direction was an endless floor; there was not a wall or a single object in sight.

“Hello?” she called, her voice seemed to echo into the void.

“Hello Starlight Glimmer” a soft but commanding voice answered behind her. Starlight spun around and saw Princess Luna facing her.

“Princess Luna!” Starlight nearly jumped at her sight. “Wh-what are you doing here?” She stammered “And… where are we?”

“Do not worry Starlight Glimmer, we are in the Realm of Dreams” Luna replied softly “and I am here for you”

“For me?” Starlight asked, perplexed “I don’t understand”

“I sense distress in your subconscious, Starlight Glimmer, and I have come to aid you in whatever is troubling you.” Luna replied dutifully

“But, didn’t you and Celestia retire?” Starlight asked uneasily, she regretted the silly question immediately.

“My sister and I no longer rule the land of Equestria, but it is still my duty to watch over the night, and protect the dreams of sleeping ponies throughout the land” Luna’s mane shimmered as she explained

“I sense a great deal of distress within you and your subconscious mind, tell me Starlight Glimmer, what is it that troubles you?”

Starlight knew why she was here with Luna; it was time to confront her feelings.

“Well…” She began “I… I have this problem… it’s not easy for me to say…” her voice broke off

“Is it regarding your heart’s desire for Twilight Sparkle?” Luna asked comfortingly

Starlight winced as Luna read her thoughts “How’d you know?” She almost felt stupid for asking.

“I have been checking in on your dreams for some time now. I have seen that you have a burning desire to be with Twilight Sparkle.” Luna said in her magical voice.

“I’m sorry. It’s just…” Starlight began again.

“There is no need to apologize Starlight Glimmer. It is perfectly normal to desire to be with a pony” Luna replied warmly

“Yes but… I’m in love with Trixie already” Starlight felt laboured to speak.

“Hmmm” Luna said “is she whom you are in love with?”

“Of course” Starlight replied quickly “I love Trixie, we share an amazing relationship. We connect on so many levels. We… we complete each other”

“And yet you are clearly missing a sizable piece of your happiness” Luna said “complete is not a word I would use to describe you Starlight Glimmer”

Starlight didn’t know what to say, she just stared blankly at Luna.

“Tell me about your feelings for Twilight Sparkle” Luna saw Starlight was uneasy “I assure you your secrets are most safe with me. I have over a thousand moons worth of secrets ponies have confided within me, and I have dutifully guarded each and every one”

Luna’s eyes twinkled, Starlight knew she could trust her. She took a deep breath and began to explain.

“Twilight Sparkle is an amazing mentor and amazing friend to me” Starlight began “Ever since she saved me from that evil within me and opened my eyes to the wonderful magic of friendship, I have idolized her. She is perhaps the single most important pony in my life. Without her, I don’t know where I would be today. I always sort of thought there was something greater than friendship between us, but she had her other friends, and the School of Friendship, and her duty to Equestria, she would become ruler one day and I just never thought I would have the chance to explore anything greater than friendship with her. Twilight gave my life a new meaning with a job at the School of Friendship, and of course, the introduction of many great new friends, especially Trixie, but none were to me like Twilight was”

Starlight had no idea how to explain her true feelings for Twilight or how they evolved.

“I sense you’re beating around the bush, like you want to say something but can’t quite bring yourself to say it.” Luna said comfortingly “I also sense what you are about to say could be the key to me assisting you, for what you hold on to is something very deep and important. Beware with holding on to overwhelmingly powerful feelings, for it is the beginning of forming a Tantabus”

Starlight knew Luna was right, she was indeed overwhelmed by her conflicting feelings, and her sexual desire for Twilight Sparkle. She knew she had to tell somepony, and naturally Luna was the best. Starlight had unknowingly summoned Luna into her dreams for spiritual guidance, now was Starlight’s chance to break free from her mental prison, all she had to do was reveal the deepest and darkest secret she kept. She took another deep breath.

“I love Twilight Sparkle. I want to be with her. But not in just any way, I want her as my own. I wish to keep her as a kind of companion, or pet if you will. I know how that sounds, but this is my deepest desire, it’s what keeps me awake some nights, it’s what occupies my mind when I’m awake, it’s what keeps me from properly enjoying Trixie. I want Twilight to be mine, to do with her anything I want, but at the same time let her do with me whatever she wants. I want to show the world just how much I love her; I have never loved anypony more. I don’t just want her, I want her and I to share a spirit, I want to be one with Twilight Sparkle.”

Starlight felt dizzy, not only had she just confessed her feelings to another pony, she just vocalized her heart’s deepest desire for the very first time. But she immediately felt lighter, as if some weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Luna smiled at Starlight “I see” She said warmly “You have confided within me a great and very personal secret and I commend you for your bravery in being open with me” Luna bowed slightly at Starlight. “These feelings for Twilight Sparkle, for how long have you had them?”

Starlight thought for a second. She really remembered the vivid thoughts since she began seeing Trixie as a lover not just a friend, but she knew this went back longer in reality.

“I suppose I have always felt this way” Starlight began “I think this is what I meant when I said I thought she was always more than my friend, but it took me some time to truly realize. The real explicit sexual desires showed up when Trixie and I began our relationship as lovers, but if I really look deep, this has always been there.”

“Yes” Luna said “Desires such as these are usually in development for far longer than we initially believe. Quite often they do not completely materialize until much later in life. It is also common to have intimate feelings for one truly come out when in a serious relationship with another.”

It felt amazing to finally disclose the very thoughts that have plagued Starlight for months; to finally have explanations for things she had stressed so much wondering about.

“I assume that Trixie Lulamoon or Twilight Sparkle know not anything of these desires?” Luna asked, slightly more serious now.

“Oh Celestia no!” Starlight quickly said “They can’t know!” She said even quicker without thinking about it.

“Why cannot they know?” Luna asked raising one eyebrow.

Starlight thought about how hurt and offended Trixie would be that Starlight kept a secret like this from her, or how she had completely betrayed her all this time. She also thought about Twilight, and how taken aback she would be at the confession of these desires. Surely she would not feel the same.

“I guess…” Starlight began

“You are afraid” Luna said calmly “You fear the reaction you would receive from these two very important ponies in your life. You are terrified of hurting them or turning either of them away.”

Starlight felt tears in her eyes, all she could do was nod.

“You mustn’t keep secrets such as these to yourself, Starlight Glimmer, sexual desire is a very powerful thing. Bad things can happen if you continue to hold these feelings in. Even worse if you hide such feelings from those who are close to you”

“But how do I tell them, Princess Luna? How could I possibly have the courage to tell these feelings to Twilight and Trixie? What if they never speak to me again? I can’t be alone again!” Tears flooded Starlight’s eyes, she choked back sobs.

“Dear Starlight Glimmer, please calm down.” Luna said affectionately “If what you have told me tonight is what your heart truly longs for, and I sense it is, you must take charge. You must be honest with those you love. Uncertainty will only hold you back, you must trust your heart, and believe that it will guide you, that it will help you find what you want most. If you truly love Twilight Sparkle as you say you do, trust that she will understand. And conversely, if you and Trixie share as strong a bond as you say, trust that she too will understand.”

“But how can I know for sure?” Starlight begged “I was never big on the whole trust thing. It took me years to even trust myself. I… I’m just so afraid to screw up again” Starlight said still fighting her tears

“Trust can be difficult” Luna said calmly “But trust can be greatly rewarded. It’s as simple as you won’t know until you try. But you must try Starlight Glimmer, because I believe in you. And I know your courage will be rewarded.”

“I am grateful for Trixie” Starlight said “I do love her, she is such an amazing mare who is so loving and romantic, she cares so much, she just so damn gorgeous on every possible level. But I know that she is not my true desire. At the same time my true desire is in charge of all of Equestria, and I know she is far too busy to even entertain such a ludicrous idea like this, she’d flat out call me crazy. Not to mention how Trixie would completely lose her mind over this.”

“Hmmm” Luna said again calmer than ever. “You think too negative Starlight Glimmer. You have not even tried to voice your feelings with those around you, how can you know for certain they will not share your sympathy?”

Starlight felt a little better hearing this from Luna. “But Trixie would freak out, it would devastate her. And what about Twilight?” she said “Surely she would think I’m insane”

“Maybe not” Luna said with a smile “The magic of spiritual and sexual desire goes far deeper than you may think, Starlight Glimmer” Luna’s eyes twinkled as she said it. “The truth is not an easy thing to tell, in fact, it is probably one of the most difficult things in life to speak. But the greatest reward comes to those who are honest, and despite the potential for consequence, the potential reward is far greater. Honesty is a powerful Element of Harmony, and like all the other Elements, when truly embraced, its power is limitless.”

Starlight sighed, she knew what she had to do, and again she felt uneasy. She knew now more than ever that she had to confess to Trixie and Twilight how she felt, but she just had no confidence.

“I sense your uneasiness, Starlight Glimmer” Luna said warmly “You know what must be done, but are unsure if you have the strength to do it. Let me help you. I will prove to you, Starlight Glimmer, that you do have the strength inside of you to follow your true desire, for I feel this is your destiny.”

Starlight looked up at the radiant essence of the princess of the night, she felt almost entranced by her aura. “How?” she asked

“Tomorrow night I will greet you in your dreams again, I will show you what I see inside of you, and what your significant other shares with you. But in the meantime, I ask that you reflect upon yourself. The power of the subconscious is remarkable” Luna said with a wink.

Starlight didn’t completely understand what Luna was saying, but before she could clarify, the world around her began to spin and Luna faded from her sight.

“I look forward to our encounter tomorrow night, Starlight Glimmer” Luna’s voice echoed from the mist that drifted from where she stood moments ago.

Starlight felt her consciousness slowly returning.