LIFE IS AWESOME!! Just just a few days ago Sunny, dashie, AJ, Twilly, me, Fluttershy, and Rarity had to defeat a girl named wallflower who took away the our good memories of sunset making us think she was still a big meanie. Wallflower did this with a rock called the memory stone (my parents would love to hear about that....)But all worked out in the end we defeated wallflower and got our memories back and were all friends again YAY.
Pinkie sighed as she closed her diary and put it back in one of the binds in her closet. Pinkie has been keeping multiple diaries for years. It gives her a way to express her feelings and a way to get her anger out and let all her bad emotions go away.

but for the past year the diary has lost its effect on her. It kinda helped but not as much as it used to....
Pinkie had found another way but it wasn't a very good way. It helped her yes it made all her sadness go away all the anger she felt towards her family it worked...but nobody knew nobody could know she had hidden it so well and she was good at excuses when her friends asked her why she started to wear jackets even though it was spring she would always say the same thing "oh I'm just cold".

This morning she got into an argument with her mom about her future. Her whole family were either rock scientists or farmers but Pinkie was different. She didn't want to be a farmer or be a rock scientist she wanted to plan parties and make everybody smile which wasn't normal in her family.

Her mom told her that she needs to get out of her "phase" and study rocks like her sisters and her dad. But Pinkie didn't want to listen she tried to explain to her mom that she loved planning parties and making everyone laugh and she told her mom that she even found a few colleges for party planning and business. Her mom just walked away and as she walked out out door she swears she heard her mom whisper "your a disappointment pinkiamena".

As Pinkie thought back to earlier her eyes began to water "am I really a disappointment?" Pinkie asked to nobody, She starting to cry as her hair deflated like a balloon making it become straight, Pinkie didn't want to feel sad so she did the only thing she could think of..

she grabbed the blade for under her bed lifted her sleeve up showing scars form previous cuts as pinkie placed the blade on her arm and began to cut above her elbow just has she started to draw a little blood her someone knocked on her door

"Pinkie Pie are you ok we're going to be late for school" a raspy voice came from the other side of the door.

Pinkie started to freak out "Crap" pinkie though "I forgot me and Rainbow we're going to walk to school together" Pinkie though she quickly put a band aid on her cut and put on her jacket. "SORRY DASHIE " Pinkie yelled "I'll be out in a sec" Pinkie puffed her hair into its normal curliness and wiped the tears off her face and opened her bedroom door to see a Rainbow haired girl with cyan skin standing there waiting.

"Are you ok Pinks" Rainbow said

"Yup I'm as good as Pink punch" Pinkie said trying to sound happy and somehow it worked.
Pinkie and Dash walked to school. The school was only about a 15 minute walk so it didn't take long while they were walking they talked about school and their friends.
When they got to school they went to their normal meeting spot where they were going to wait for their friends. But today there was someone there
She had white skin a white hair, she wore a black shirt with a brown jean jacket and shorts and she had sneakers and she had yellow eyes.
Pinkie got excited because she knew everyone at CHS but never saw her "A NEW FRIEND" pinkie yelled excitedly as she ran up to her "wait what" dash said confused as she ran up to catch pinkie "PINKIE SLOW DOWN" dash said while laughing but it was to later

Pinkie had already went up to the new girl and started talking to her

"Hi I'm Pinkie pie what's your name? Are you new to CHS? because I know everyone here and I have never met you or seen you before so that must mean your new and if your new then you probably need
some friends and I love making new friends so do u want to be friends I can show you around and I can introduce you to my friends and then we can all become friends'' Pinkie said happily and jumping .

The new girl looked pinkie up and down and scoffed "

I'm Gilda" Gilda said sounding annoyed

"And you're really annoying" .
Rainbow finally caught up with pinkie and Gilda. “Does your whole family act as annoying as you?” Gilda Scoffed.
“Nope,” Pinkie said happily and tried to make sure her hair didn't go down.
“The rest of my family studies rocks but I don't really like that”. “wow” Gilda said “you must be a disappointment to your family”

Pinkie's hair went down and her eyes filled with tears.

“HEY!!” Rainbow yelled angrily “SHE IS NOT A DISAPPOINTMENT TO HER FAMILY”. Rainbow was angry with this new girl. Who did she think she was coming to a new school and bashing her friend like that. “Whatever I'm just saying she probably is, her parents are probably waiting for the day she turns 18 to kick her out if I was her parents that what I would do” Gilda said with a smirk on her face.
Pinkie couldn't take it. She had heard so much she started to cry as she ran inside the school. She could hear her friends and rainbow calling her name but Pinkie didn't care she needed to go to the bathroom where she could get this pain away for her.

Pinkie ran into the bathroom into one of the stalls and started sobbing ‘I really am aren't I?’ Pinkie thought as she reached down to get her blade just then she heard some people calling her name as they walked into the bathroom “Pinkie where are you” she heard them yell…..
it was her friends, Pinkie was scared she put the blade back into her bag and whipped the tears off her cheek and opened the stall door. When she opened it she saw Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy all with worried looks on their faces. “Are you alright sugarcube?” Applejack asked Applejack was not only one of Pinkie's best friends but she was also her cousin and seemed to be the only person in her family to be ok and love the way she acts.

“Y-ya I'm ok ” Pinkie said with a soft smile “Darling what happened we just saw you go running down the halls crying with your hair down” Rarity exclaimed “I..ummm..” Pinkie began, Pinkie took a big breath
“I met this new girl named Gilda and I was trying to be nice and make a new friend and she called me annoying and a disappointment to my family” Pinkie began to lightly cry thinking back to what happened

“Pinkie its ok your not annoying we love the way you acted some people are just to blinded to see it” Fluttershy said calmly ‘Ya and your not a disappointment Pinkie your the best cousin ever” Applejack said reassuringly and giving pinkie a hug “Pinkie dear don't listen to her your am-” Rarity was cut off by Pinkie

“BUT I AM A DISAPPOINTMENT EVERYBODY ELSE IN MY FAMILY IS A ROCK SCIENTIST OR A FARMER AND I'M OVER HERE WANTING TO BE SOME STUPID PARTY PLANNER!!” Pinkie yelled she looked straight at Applejack when she did tears filling up in her eyes.
“Pinkie your not you are the best darn cousin I have ever had and you make everybody laugh and smile that's not stupid” Applejack said.

“not everybody '' Pinkie mumbled to herself. She didn't want to tell her friends (especially Applejack) what she heard her mom say that morning but Applejacks words were reassuring her and AJ were BCFFs (Best cousin friends forever) and she did make everybody smile. It's what made HER happy.
Pinkie smiled and her hair proofed up and she felt very happy at what her friends told her.
“Your right AJ...I'm ok now” Pinkie said “That's good darling” Rarity said with a smile” Lets go class will start soon” Fluttershy said.

The 4 of them walked out the bathroom door and Pinkie went to her locker and grabbed the books she needed for class just then somebody came up behind her “Pinkie!” the voice said Pinkie turned around and there was her boyfriend cheese sandwich standing behind her, him and her had been dating for a few months now.

“Cheesie!!” Pinkie said happily giving him a hug “Are you ok i saw you running down the halls and you seemed very upset” Cheese said concerned for his girlfriend “Ya im ok now cheese” Pinkie said happily “Ok Good but if you need anything let me know'' Cheese said with a warm smile. Just then the bell rang “Oki doki loki cheesie I have to get to class” Pinkie said bouncing away
OK bye!!” Cheese said.

The school day went and left but Pinkie didn't want to leave school or else she would have to see her parents and they would still nag her about her becoming a rock scientist like they did everyday.
”I don't understand why it bothered my parents so much it didn't bother the rest of my family” Pinkie thought as she walked home from school
“Oh but it does” a voice said

Pinkie looked around but saw nobody “who was that” she thought
Don't worry pinkamena I'm just a voice inside your head” the voice said

“I'm not pinkamena i'm pinkie pie” Pinkie hated the name Pinkamena it sounded sad and depressing so she went by Pinkie pie she only went by Pinkamena when she was sad. ‘’and what do you mean it does my cousin applejack reassured me that my family is ok with me wanted to be a party planner” Pinkie whispered

“Oh pinkamena ” the voice begin “you are so dull you couldn't see that she was lying to you all your friends are lying to you they don't really care they just act like it so you won't be sad and the blame will be put on them”
“That's not true my friends tell me all the time they love me and my personality and AJ doesn't lie she's the element of Honesty and-”

“OH WILL YOU STOP LYING TO YOURSELF! DON'T YOU SEE THE WAY THEY LOOK AT YOU. DID YOU SEE THE WAY YOU SO CALLED FAVORITE COUSIN LOOKS AT YOU SHE DOESN'T CARE SHE ACTS LIKE IT ONLY BECAUSE SHE PITIES YOU, ALL YOUR FRIENDS DO, ALL THEY DO IS LIE TO YOU AND PITY YOU BUT YOU KNOW WHO DIDNT LIE TO YOU ”
The voice yelled “GILDA SHE DIDN'T LIE TO YOU, YOU ARE ANNOYING AND YOU ARE A DISAPPOINTMENT YOUR MOTHER MADE THAT CLEAR THIS MORNING DID SHE NOT”

Pinkie didn't want to believe it she couldn't but the voice was right she had been called annoying by many of her peers, her mother called her a disappointment this morning and she hasn't really noticed but she thinks that she sees her friend give her an unwelcoming look sometimes.
Pink's hair deflated as she made it up her driveway there she was greeted by her mom who had also just pulled in.
“Pinkamena sweetie how are you” her mom said as she got out of the car “Oh it was good mom” pinkie said trying to smile
“Oh sweetie you straighten your hair” pinkies mom said grabbing a piece of pinkies deflated hair “It looks much better that that puffy curly hair ”.
“Oh..i'm glad you like it mom..i-i was trying something new today ” pinkie said trying to look happy “Well i think you should keep it this way dear” her mom said curling pinkies hair “Ok mom..” pinkie said.
They headed inside and Pinkie went straight to her room, locked her door and started to cry...Pinkie cried for probably about an hour into her pillow “m-m-aybe i sh-should called my friends” Pinkie said while crying

“Friends!” she heard the voice say “you dont have any friends if you call them with your stupid problem they will just get annoyed”
“But talking to them will make me feel better” pinkie said
“Ya it does..but there is a different way a better way one that makes all your emotionally pain go away” the voice said
Pinkie thought for a moment “No i need to stop doing that it's not healthy.

“Oh come on pinkamena it helps..besides you have done it before what's a few more huh”? The voice said back
Pinkie thought again it did make her feel better, it did help her and it made her pain go away…..
After about 15 minutes Pinkie caved. She grabbed the blade from her bag…..lifted her sleeve up revealing lots of scars from previous cuts. As she cut 2 lines into her skin Pinkie sighed as her hair poofed back up and she put the blade back into her bag. She could already feel all the pain go away and she felt happy.

A bit later she got a text from the group chat she shared with her friends

RD: hey guys want to meet and sugarcube corner before our band practice
AJ: Sure
SunSet: ya that would be fun
Twilight: Ya sure
Fluttershy: Sure
Rarity: that would be delightful
*A few minutes passed* pinkie didn't answer she didn't know if she should “Do they even want me there” pinkie thought
“Probably not they'd be happier if you weren't there they probably only keep you around because they need a drummer if it weren't for the band they probably would have stopped talking to you ” the voice said

Pinkie did her best to ignore the voice and looked back at her phone rainbow and sent a few messages to the chat.

RD: Sweet Wby Pinks

RD: Pinkie you there?

Despite what the voice said pinkie decided to go

Pinkie: Ya sorry i'll be there

“Your going to regret that ” the voice began “they probably wished you didn't come”

“Would you just shut it” Pinkie yelled “Pinkamena are you ok” Pinkies mom said knocking on her door“Ya mom im ok” Pinkie said
After a bit it was time to meet the girls are sugarcube corner pinkie grabbed her coat and was about to head out the door when “Pinkamena” Pinkie turned around to see her mother behind her “Oh hi mom i'm going to meet my friends and sugarcube corner then go to band practice” Pinkie said bubbly

“Why are you wearing a coat it's almost 80 Degrees out,” her mom said while trying to take pinkies coat off. Before she could though pinkie backed away from her mother
“Oh i know mom” pinkie began “I'm just really cold in here but I'll take it off when I go outside”
“Ok then be safe love you” pinkies mom said “Love you to mom” Pinkie said hopping out the door

As Pinkie entered sugarcube corner she was greeting with a wave of heat hit it was burning hot in there when she had her coat on but she couldn't take it off “ok” Pinkie thought to herself “I'll just have to deal with it”.
Pinkie looked around to find her friends then she saw Rainbowdash, Twilight, Rarity and Applejack all sitting at a table so she walked over and sat down “Hi girls!” Pinkie said happily as she sat next to Rainbow

“Hey pinkie” her friends said in unison “where's Sunset and Fluttershy” Pinkie asked “They texted and said they on there way” Twilight explained
“Oki doki loki” Pinkie said

“Pinkie how can you wear a jacket it's like 95 degrees in here” Applejack asked will a slight laugh
“Well Jackie” Pinkie begian “Don't call me that” AppleJack interrupted deadpan

Pinkie rolled her eyes “as i was saying i get very cold easily it may seem like its 95 degrees but im still really cold”
“So cold that your sweating” Rainbow said with a eyebrow raised

“Here let's take it off” rainbow said beginning to take off pinkies coat before she could though Pinkie sprang off the seat
“NO” Pinkie yelled Her friends stood there shocked “you alright sugarcube” Applejack asked concerningly

“YES” pinkie said quickly “I-I just remembered that there is something i need to take care of at home sorry but I'm going to have to miss band practice” Pinkie said with a fake smile
“Pinkie what's wrong” Twilight said standing up
“Nothing wrong Twi i just got to go see you guys at school” Pinkie said as she ran out the door and all the way to her house and into her bed room where she slammed the door and started to cry

“Pinke why are you so stupid” Pinkie said out loud sobbing into her pillow. “You want to tell me what that was about” a voice came for behind her
Pinkie quickly turned around to see Rainbow standing there in the doorway. “Oh H-Hay dashie sorry but i cant hangout right now i got some stuff to do” Pinkie said wiping away her tears “Ya like cry into your pillow” Dash said sarcastically “Pinkie what's wrong did somebody hurt you”
“No Dashie like i said everything is A-OK” Pinkie said acting all happy

“Ya No” Dash said deadpan “Pinkie what's wrong? and why don't you want to take off your jacket” Rainbow asked walking towards Pinkie
“Everything is fine dashie i'm Fine” Pinkie said trying to sound convincing “now I'm sorry but I need to ask you to leave” Pinkie said nicely
Rainbow lifted a brow “No Pinkie i'm not leaving until you tell me whats wrong”

“RainbowDash i Said I'm FINE! NOW LEAVE” Pinkie said ask she shoved Rainbow out of her room and locked the door
“Pin-” Rainbow was cut off by the door slam. Rainbow banged and the door and tried to open it for what feilt like 5 minutes “FINE” Rainbow yelled back “But WE ARE ALL GOING TO TAKE ABOUT THIS TOMORROW” Rainbow soon left and walked back to her house leaving Pinkie alone with her thoughts

“I told you it was a bad idea” The voice was back “Shut up” Pinkie said back “I if they wanted anything to do with you then they probably don'tnow” The voice said in a devious tone. “Why cant you leave me alone” Pinkie snapped back. “Oh poor poor pinkamena ” the voice laughed “I'll never leave you alone I'll alway be here in your head” “My name is Pinkie not pinkamena” “Whatever keep telling yourself that”. pinkie sighed “is there anything i can do to make you go away?” “Oh pinkie” the voice chuckled “ you already know the answer to that”
Pinkie gasped “no i-i wouldn't do that I would never”.
“Oh but you’ve thought about it haven't you you think about every time to grab the blade you even wrote about it in a notebook” the voice laughed “Shut up” Pinkie yelled with tears in her eyes

“I'm not lying to you pinkamena i would never lie to you….but” the voice paused
“But what” pinkie said angrily “It would be too easy” the voice said in a very hunting tone “it would be so easy to just grab the blade and do it. It would be so easy to go outside and get hit by a car or jump off a bridge”. “I-I can't do that m-my family wou-”
“YOUR FAMILY WOULDN'T MISS YOU YOUR MOTHER SAID IT HERSELF YOUR A DISSAPOINTMENT ” “But my friends would and cheese would"

“Oh please” the voice scoffed “there just your friends because they feel bad for you. And as for your little boyfriend i bet when you do die he will just move on to somebody else and not even care so why don't you just do it…...do it…..do it…….DO IT” the voice yelled
“OK FINE” Pinkie yelled back grabbing the blade.

“Good” the voice said

Pinkie grabbed a letter out of a bin in her closet and put it on her bed then she grabbed her blade.

“1….” Pinkie said crying as she put a little pressure on the blade

“2….” Pinkie put more pressure on the blade causing a dent in her wrist

“Thr-”

Author's Note

This is my Frist fan fic sorry if its not very good I did my best but let me know what you think.
More chapters are on there way. :)