Author's Note

yahallo! Sorry this took a bit longer to come out than expected. Anyway, please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments, tell me if you spot any errors, and enjoy!

Chapter 42: Dialogue With A Shade.

I wanted to be back in the void.

That was the only way for me to describe what I was feeling right then.

I’ve had fading thoughts about it, fleeting moments of envy for when I was little more than a spirit that could feel nothing and resembled my human form.

In that moment, I truly yearned for nothing more than to be a phantom again.

“Who—” my voice quivered, cracked, wavered and faltered in every way it could; it was a miracle I could form words. “Told you that?”

He laughed.

He actually laughed.

“You could ask me any question you like, and you choose to start with one of the few I can’t answer?” he chuckled again, leaning back in the chair. “You are predictable.”

He spoke with such a bone chilling certainty, it reminds me of someone I have tried so desperately to forget.

“Who,” I gripped the edges of the table so tightly I could feel the wood embedding itself into my skin. “How do you know about me?”

“There ya go, that’s better.” Shadow’s chest sharply rose and fell, tapping his hoof to the side of his chair to a hauntingly familiar tune. “The person in charge, who else?”

“Do they know everything?”

“No, of course not.” He scoffed, lowering his jaw. “They know what they know. Maybe, when it comes to you, they know everything.”

I racked my mind, trying to decode whatever half-gibberish he was speaking in. A boiling pit sat in my stomach, spewing steam in the back of my throat that laced every word that came out. It was one of those rare occasions where I wanted to give in to the frustration, to let it converge into that bitter anger that would taint my tongue.

But I didn’t.

Once, twice, too many times I did.

“Why are they the one in charge?”

“Because they’re the only one who could be.”

I tried really, really hard not to groan.

“Are all of your answers going to be this…” I reluctantly let go of the table, bringing my hands to my chest and turning my palms so I could see them. I began counting each piece of wood I could see sticking out of my skin; it was oddly calming. “Enigmatic?”

He chuckled again, it was somehow more sickening than last time.

“Yes. I’ve spent my entire time since I’ve got here thinking of how to answer your questions in the worst way possible.”

Of course he did.

I held back a groan, wiping the —fortunately red— blood from my right hand onto my pants, starting on the left leg.

Very briefly, I was tempted to try to think of the most absurd question I could just to spite him. But, it would take more time and effort than I was comfortable with to do so, nor would it really even be worth it.

“What is their wish?”

He paused, tapping a hoof against the ground rhythmically.

“They don’t have one.”

“What?” I paused mid-splinter, glancing up at them. “Isn’t the whole point of the cult for Discord to grant their wish?”

“That, amongst other things, is what enticed others to join, yes. It’s not, however, why they started this whole thing.”

“Then why did they?”

He smiled that disgusting grin.

“Because they could. And, because they could, they—”

“Have to.”

I whispered, finishing the sentence without hesitation, without thought. My hand darted to my mouth, the taste of copper licked the tip of my tongue.

“Some of my responses, as you can see, were provided to me.”

That same gut-sinking feeling hit me, leaving me trapped, drowning in a sea of dread. I couldn’t breathe, so I bit down on the end of my hand.

It didn’t help much.

“T—the person who told you all this,” I placed my hands on my thighs, trying to focus more on the pain in my hands than the lead in my throat. “Were they….a skeleton?”

For just a moment, I saw a flicker of hesitation in his eyes as he tilted his head.

“I’m not allowed to answer any questions regarding them. Orders.”

His eyes dropped to my chest, pulling tighter as they landed on my necklace. His mouth opened for a second, leaning forward and squinting, before catching himself and yanking his head back.

I hadn’t even been touching it this time. Maybe I was getting better about it.

“Have you,” I raised the pendant, moving it towards him. “Seen this somewhere before?”

“I…” Shadow squirmed in his chair, grinding his teeth together so loud I could hear each tooth. Then, he froze, curling in one himself as he turned to me with an almost tangible smugness. “No, I haven’t seen your necklace before.”

The emphasis on ‘your’ didn’t escape me.

I swallowed my agitation.

“Fine.”

It was cold in the room, I couldn’t tell if that was just me or not.

I wrapped my arms around myself in a faux-hug, rubbing it back and forth to create some heat. I should really wear that hoodie Rarity made for me more often.

“Hmmm,” I hummed as I tried to think of a question. I had more of a problem with too many to pick from than anything. “What is your wish?”

“For Discord to destroy my ancestor once he returns.”

“Ancestor?” A chill went up my spine at the grimness in his voice. “What ancestor? Is that why you’ve been erasing books?”

“That’s why I was erasing books, yes.” He placed his forearms on the table, his shoulders pulling low as if a weight had fallen on them. “Until I met them, and told them that Equestria was doomed, so they should give the wish to me.”

“‘Give the wish to you?’”

He flinched, biting his tongue and pressing his lips together so tightly they were hardly visible.

“I thought the zealots were doing this because they think Discord will grant all of their wishes?”

With the slowness of a tree falling, he shook his head.

“Please, I wouldn’t believe Discord would be willing to grant one wish if I hadn’t met…let’s call them The Interloper.”

“...ok.”

I wanted to ask if they came up with that themselves on the spot, or if they were told to tell me that name, but I didn’t want to waste a breath on it.

“The Interloper convinced each Zealot one by one to join their cause; all of us were skeptical at first. They convinced us not just that we should join them, but they had something that would sway Discord to grant our wishes. And, yes, we’re all aware he’d likely twist it in some way, and that’s fine. However, once I brought attention to the direness of my ancestor, they informed me that what he had would only allow for one wish, and I would be the one to achieve that.”

“And…they had no interest in the wish themselves?”

One wish.

God, what I would give for just a single wish; twisted conditions or no.

I hated to admit it, but there was some part of me that understood that motivation.

“No, they didn’t. So, you see, all of this is necessary. If I don’t do this, then Equestria will fall. You wouldn’t understand.”

“I would, actually.” My chin fell to my chest, a familiar phantom soreness flaring up in my stomach. “Better than you might think.”

“Somehow, I doubt that.” he didn’t even try to hold back his scoff. “Do you know what its like to be haunted by your heritage? To live for the sole purpose of carrying a burden multiple people have dedicated their lives to?

He waited only a second for me to respond, before cutting me off.

“No, I didn’t think so.”

I had the strangest desire to touch my eyes. Well, maybe it wasn’t that strange.

“Why didn’t you ask the Elements of Harmony for help?” I tried to change the subject, a pleading desperation begging me to keep it from straying any closer to home. “Isn’t defeating ancient evils their whole thing?”

“Depends what you mean by ‘defeating’.” His expression soured, head snapping back as he let out an exasperated sigh that he cut off. “They ‘defeated’ Nightmare Moon by giving her a second chance, they ‘defeated’ Discord by separating his body in six parts. If they used the elements here, all they’d likely do is throw it back into whatever hole it's waiting in just for it to climb out again.” Shadow grit his teeth, leaning forward and slamming his hands on the desk. “I won’t burden my family with this curse a generation more. I will be the one who bestows oblivion onto my ancestor once and for all; even if that price is courting chaos itself.”

Beneath the anger and the ranting, there was a genuineness to his words I recognized. It was contorted, but not beyond recognition just yet. He really just wanted to prevent this ‘ancestor’ from destroying Equestria, assuming he hadn't gone mad and that it was real.

I couldn’t figure out what to feel towards that, a bizarre blob sitting in the back of my throat made up of an emotion I didn’t recognize.

“And you really think this Interloper is the best option?”

“At this point,” he slumped in his chair, hands falling off the edge like they were a cliff he was losing his grip on. “It’s the only option for me.”

That, I recognized.

It was resignation.

He’s accepted that there’s no going back, he’s just as stuck in a hole as his ancestor. Except there was no climbing out for him.

“I see.” I rubbed the symbol on my pendant, something Celestia said came to mind. I raised it so he could see it clearly. “Is this one?”

“No..”

He didn’t even give it a second glance.

“What pieces do you have?”

He furrowed his eyebrows, reaching into his cloak where his neck was and pulling out a necklace with a golden chain just like mine. At the end of it was some kind of yellow, bird like claw.

“Two.”

“Two? What about Chrysalis?”

He blinked.

“Who?”

What.

“The changeling queen, she had his right hand.”

“Oh, uh. Yeah, probably as good a time to mention this, but I don’t….know the other zealots.” He placed the necklace back in his cloak, awkwardly fidgeting with the hood. “I’ve never met them.”

“You’ve never met them?” I furrowed my brow, growing more confused by the second. “You’re a cult and you haven’t met each other?”

“We’ve never actually called ourselves a…cult.” he said the word ‘cult’ with a noticeable reluctance, wetting his lips and swallowing so hard I could see it. “Really, we’re more like…independent contractors all hired by the same person? Yeah, that sounds right.”

“So…there’s no hierarchy, no pecking order, you guys are just strangers to each other?”

“To my knowledge, yes. And, before you ask,” he tilted his head, clearing his throat with an exaggerated loudness. “Who becomes a zealot is entirely up to The interloper, who is not inclined to inform us every time someone new gets added to our rank.”

“Then,” something about this wasn’t making sense to me. Maybe I just wasn’t getting it? It was like all the puzzle pieces had been handed to me, but some of them were crooked. “How do you get your orders? How do you know what to do?”

“Don’t know what they told the others, but my orders were very straightforward.”

I crossed my legs, clasping my hand to my chest as I waited for him to go on. It took him whistling for me to realize he wasn’t going to.

I didn’t try very hard to suppress my irritated groan this time.

“What were your orders?”

He shifted around in his seat, muttering something wordlessly to himself before inhaling.

“‘Get taken in by Shining Armor and brought to Canterlot Castle, wait exactly one month and then request to see someone by the name of ‘Chara Dreemurr’, and answer any questions they direct towards you except for these specific ones.’”

He lifted up his cloak, reaching into a pocket on the inside and pulling out a folded piece of paper.

“Here, I was told to make sure you see this before you leave.”

I hesitantly took it, unfolding it until I could make out the words on the paper. Only to notice they weren’t words at all, but symbols. Wingdings, to be exact.

“What…what is this?”

“It’s a code. I don’t know about the other zealots, but I was taught this before receiving any orders.”

I tried to straighten out the paper, making sure not a single line skewed any of the symbols.

“📂︎📬︎ 👎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎⬧︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎ ♋︎■︎⍓︎ ❑︎◆︎♏︎⬧︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎◆︎⧫︎ ❍︎⍓︎ ♓︎♎︎♏︎■︎⧫︎♓︎⧫︎⍓︎📬︎

📄︎📬︎ 👎︎□︎■︎🕯︎⧫︎ ♋︎■︎⬧︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎ ♋︎■︎⍓︎ ❑︎◆︎♏︎⬧︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎♌︎□︎◆︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ■︎♏︎♍︎🙵●︎♋︎♍︎♏︎⬧︎📪︎ ⧫︎♒︎□︎◆︎♑︎♒︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ❍︎♋︎⍓︎ ⧫︎♏︎●︎●︎ ♒︎♏︎❒︎ ⧫︎♒︎♋︎⧫︎ ✋︎ ♒︎♋︎❖︎♏︎ □︎■︎♏︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎ ♎︎□︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ⬥︎♏︎●︎●︎📬︎

🗏︎📬︎ ✌︎■︎⬧︎⬥︎♏︎❒︎ ♒︎♏︎❒︎ ❑︎◆︎♏︎⬧︎⧫︎♓︎□︎■︎⬧︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ❖︎♋︎♑︎◆︎♏︎●︎⍓︎ ♋︎⬧︎ ◻︎□︎⬧︎⬧︎♓︎♌︎●︎♏︎📬︎

🗐︎📬︎ ❒︎♏︎♐︎♏︎❒︎ ⧫︎□︎ ❍︎♏︎ ♌︎⍓︎ ♋︎ ⧫︎♓︎⧫︎●︎♏︎ □︎♐︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎❒︎ ♍︎♒︎□︎□︎⬧︎♓︎■︎♑︎📬︎

🗄︎📬︎💣︎♋︎🙵♏︎ ⬧︎◆︎❒︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ●︎♏︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎ ❒︎♏︎♋︎♍︎♒︎⬧︎ 👍︎♒︎♋︎❒︎♋︎🕯︎⬧︎ ♒︎♋︎■︎♎︎⬧︎ ♋︎■︎♎︎ ⬧︎♒︎♏︎ ❒︎♏︎♋︎♎︎⬧︎ ♓︎⧫︎📬︎

⌛︎📬︎ ♎︎□︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎ ♎︎♏︎♍︎□︎♎︎♏︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ❍︎♏︎⬧︎⬧︎♋︎♑︎♏︎ ♋︎⧫︎ ⧫︎♒︎♏︎ ♌︎□︎⧫︎⧫︎□︎❍︎ □︎♐︎ ⧫︎♒︎♓︎⬧︎ ●︎♏︎⧫︎⧫︎♏︎❒︎📬︎ ✋︎⧫︎ ♓︎⬧︎ ■︎□︎⧫︎ ♐︎□︎❒︎ ⍓︎□︎◆︎📬︎

☞︎♋︎●︎●︎♏︎■︎ 👍︎♒︎♓︎●︎♎︎📪︎”

That last line…

I felt a lurching in my entire body, the cold, unmistakable hand of death run its finger on my spine and infect me with its bite. I almost threw up, I could taste the acid in the back of my throat. The letter scrunched up with how tightly I gripped it before I managed to place it back on the table, my hands shaking like leaves subject to strong winds.

“That was the last thing I was told to do.”

Shadow’s voice was distant, so much so I forgot I was in a room and not a cave. Those caves. The ones under the farm.

The ones where I left their bodies.

I couldn’t separate my fingers.

“Unless you have any questions I can barely answer, you’re free to go.”

I had so many. They plagued my mind like knives, stabbing into my brain and demanding to be pulled out. They hurt. They hurt. They hurt.

I couldn’t grab them, there were too many. My hands were too small, too heavy with dust. Too sticky.

“I—I don’t…” I tried to stand up, only having to slam my hands into the table as a wave of vertigo so intense the room spun and turned black; I almost passed out. “Have any.”

I stood there heaving like I’d never breathed before, staring at the letter. I didn’t feel connected to my own body, not even as I extended my hand and grabbed it. It was like staring through a window.

Shadow Lock said nothing as I stumbled my way to the door, not offering a word of help or a hand. Not that he could, exactly.

Luster opened the door with an uncharacteristic panic, gritting her teeth as her entire body went rigid. I hardly heard the door open, a ringing that burrowed into my senses; making it impossible to hear anything but it. It was familiar, so familiar, and yet I couldn’t place it.

Wait, I didn’t even have a phone.

Brash was saying something to me, but I wasn’t exactly skilled in the act of lip reading. Luster took the letter out of my hands, with her magic of course, and only looked more perturbed. If she said something, I couldn’t tell.

I pressed my back against the wall, sliding down so roughly I could hear my own skin scraping against the concrete, but I didn’t feel the pain.

I don’t know how long I sat there until the ringing stopped. Until I wasn’t hyperventilating, until I realized the aching in every part of my body.

I was finally able to speak.

“I know them.”