Chapters It all started on a Partly Cloudy day. I was just a normal cat in the shelter to everyone else. Overall, life in the Ponyville Shelter was decent. I had some friends in the cages across from me, even the dogs liked me. I never thought I would get adopted. But apparently, it was "Kitty Cat Day" at the shelter, so a lot of little fillies came in to see the "Kitties". About 20 fillies gathered around my cage asking if they could buy it. I don't know why, but most of their parents said no. Well, thats harsh, thats like going to Best Buy and not buying anything. Anyway, most of the fillies left, crying. But there was one pony who stayed. She pressed her hooves onto the bars. "DADDY!" she yelled "I WANT THIS KITTY!" "How much is it, sweetie?" asked Filthy Rich, "$400? I guess we can buy that." "You're going to be MY kitty." said Diamond Tiara. I had a horrible feeling about that. "Um... Sir?!" Filthy Rich yelled across the room, "Can you get this cat out of the cage? "Sure thing!" said the colt. Filthy Rich handed the colt $400, and opened the cage. Here was my chance. I ran out of the door as fast as I could. Diamond and Filthy were literally on my tail. Luckily for Filthy Rich, he had a dart gun. He gave the gun to Diamond Tiara. It got me on the foot, but for some reason, it didn't make me pass out, I was just really tired. Finally giving up, I leaped into Diamond's arms. "Good Kitty." she said.
When we got home, Diamond Tiara ran to the table, and picked up a pink, diamond encrusted collar. She shoved the collar right in Filthy Rich's Face and pouted. "What are we going to name her?" she whined."I don't know, Princess." sighed Filthy Rich. "Well, think of one!" whined Diamond Tiara. A few moments later, they came up with Chiffon. Diamond wrote Chiffon on the collar with permanent marker. After that, she ran upstairs to her room, holding me. When we got into her room, she set me down on her Really Fillies kitty bed. Then she picked up her Really Fillies cell phone. " I want you to meet a friend" she said, smiling. She put the phone on speaker. "Silver Spoon! The kitty! ITS HERE!" she shouted over the phone. "I'll be right there!" Silver Spoon squealed. She picked me up out of my Really Fillies bed. She ran downstairs and grabbed her bike, placing me in the basket. She rode all the way to Silver Spoon's house, and rang the door bell. "Diamond! Is the kitty here?" Silver Spoon asked. "Yep!" replied Diamond Tiara. Then they did that " Bump, Bump, Sugar Lump, Rump" thing. "She's in the basket" Diamond told Silver Spoon. They rushed over to the basket. They were probably to busy doing their Bff Hoof-Shake that they didn't know that I jumped out from the basket out of pure boredom. However, I didn't run very far, so it was probably very easy for them to spot me. I was right. Remembering that my leg still hurt from the dart, knowing that there was nothing I could do, I just sat there, waiting for them to take me to my doom. Soon enough, Diamond and Silver came. "No, Chiffon! You stay with US! After all, we ARE your new mommies!" Diamond sneered. Diamond and Silver started laughing that girly giggle of theirs. Soon, we were almost home. All they had to do is tell the guards the secret Casa De Rich secret password (Casa De Rich is the name of the mansion). Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon recited the password with ease "pretty prissy ponies are princesses" Diamond and Silver said in unison. After they got up the long, diamond encrusted staircase, they pulled out some Really Fillies fashion accessories and started dressing me up in them. If you know me, then there would be no question about of I liked it or not. Fortunately, Filthy Rich called the girls downstairs. "girls! GIRLS! I found something in the paper!" Filthy Rich exclaimed. They both ran downstairs. They all peered at the newspaper. "Annual Ponyville Pretty Kitty Pageant to be held on November 20th, deadline November 6th". Silver Spoon read aloud. I could imagine the eager, surprised looks on their faces from all the way upstairs. " Come here Chiffon!" called Diamond. I ran downstairs, hoping for food. It was there, but there was also something else. There stood a magenta dress with frills, And Diamond's cutie mark. Right when I got to the food bowl, Silver Spoon slipped the dress over my fluffy fur. I felt like scratching it up just as she started to put it on, but as soon as it had started, it was over. "You'll look GREAT for the pageant, in 3 days!" I gulped.
The day of the Town Pageant came like Rainbow Dash performing a sonic rainboom. Diamond Tiara, Silver Spoon, Filthy Rich, and I, in my pink dress that I wanted to destroy, got in the limo. "PRANSUA!" Diamond Tiara called ahead, " Can you get me, and Silver a Cherry Shake?!" "Yes, Master Diamond." answered Pransua. Soon enough, he came with two Cherry Shakes. Boy, I wish I could have one. Luckily, Diamond Tiara didn't forget me over the pure excitement of the pageant. "Oh! I almost for got, Pransua!" said Diamond " Get a Cherry Shake with some Meow Mix on top. After all, it IS Chiffon's big day. That was the only decent thing Diamond had done. Diamond and Silver discussed the pageant routine, with me, and that was all that was said for the rest of the whole ride.
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As we walked up the stairs into the building where the pageant would be held, I saw a few cats I knew from the pound. I was lucky enough to have a short conversation with one that I knew very well: Abby. She was probably the nicest, funniest, cat I knew. "Hi, Abby! How's life been so far?" I said, trying to hold back the joy of meeting an old friend. I was lucky that she noticed me right away. "Oh, hey Chiffon! I'm doing GREAT! I live in a barn with this dog named Winona, who I thought was going to be dumb and slobbery, but she's not that bad, and-" Wait.... Barn? Winona? You must live with the Apple Family! That's too bad. It's unfortunate that you're living there with a bunch of apple farmers, when you could be living LUXURY with Diamond Tiara and Filthy Rich!" I said. By now, you probably know my evil scheme. You know, to switch lives with Abby so I don't have to live with a couple of snobs. If I wanted that, I would just travel to Springfield and live with Mr. Burns. But lets get back to the story. " You Know..." said Abby, a look of Mischief in her eyes, "The barn is a little shabby. Okay, I'll do it!" she exclaimed. "But when?" she asked, a hint of curiosity in her voice. "Ummmm.... Let's see how much pageants we can get through and once we get tired of it, we'll switch." I said gleefully. "Sounds like a plan!" she squeaked. Then she ran off. Typical Abby. Our conversation lasted about 2 or 3 minutes, and I was beginning to wonder what was holding Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon up. I turned over and saw Applebloom, Babs Seed, Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle. It looked like they were fighting with Diamond and Silver. I strained my ears to that direction. "Our cat is TOTALLY going to beat your shabby excuse for a feline in the competition!" Silver Spoon giggled. How dare she! How dare she just... Prance on up to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and just... just.... put me against my friend's owners! Well, she's a shabby excuse for a pony if I have ever seen one. I felt like unsheathing my claws and releasing the fury, so I did. "OW!" Silver yelled "DIAMOND! Chiffon just... SCRATCHED ME!" Diamond gave me a mean look. "Then I guess we're just going to have to carry you to the pageant!" Diamond giggled. Oh Garsh.
When we got inside, The security guard asked us for our tickets. We gave them to him right away. Just then, the loudspeaker went on. "Attention, contestants! The Pageant will start in approximately 5 minutes!" Diamond, Filthy, and Silver RAN at the speed of light to the long line of contestants. I maybe a cat, but I can still add, count, and subtract. There were roughly 20 ponies and cats in front of us, mostly Mares and Colts, and 40 in back of us, mostly Fillies and Foals. Good. I didn't want to be first. That would be a drag. Then a light bulb popped up above my head. Maybe, if I run to the back, I'll have a better chance of winning. I'll study what the other cats do. If the majority of those cats do better than I think I have the ability to do, then I'll try my hardest to improve. If the majority of cats do horrible, I can save the day by wowing them with what I had originally practiced. Then I remember. Diamond is still holding me. Another Light bulb pops up. Remember how I expressed my anger and frustration at Silver Spoon, by scratching? Well, maybe, I could do the same thing To Diamond Tiara! They're practically the same people aren't they? So, I put my plan into action. Lucky for me, it worked! I could hear the sound of Diamond screeching, and it didn't take her long to start galloping. FAST. I ran as fast as my paws could take it. FINALLY, I got to the end. As Diamond Tiara finally caught up with me, I was startled to find that she wasn't gasping for breath. Instead, her face got red. "CHIFFON!" she shrieked. I could see the faces of some angry ponies staring at Diamond with uptight faces. "How DARE you lose our place! We could have been the 21st, but NO! Now we're 60th in line! What is the meaning of all this?" Now was my chance to explain. Being an animal, I couldn't speak, so I gave up. I just plopped down on the ground, knowing that Diamond would be furious if I did anything more, without having a way to explain. Silver Spoon trotted over to me. "Oh, you poor thing." she swooned. "DIAMOND, how could you do that to this POOR, INNOCENT, cat?" "Silver, what are you doing? He's in trouble now, can't you see that?" Diamond reasoned. Just then, Silver pulled something out of her saddle bag. It was a spoon. A silver spoon like the one on her cutie mark. She put what looked like meow mix on it, and gave it to me. That's when I realized something. I wanted Silver Spoon to be my owner, because she was sweet, and not as snobby or rich as Diamond Tiara was. Diamond Tiara was spoiled rotten, and I had a feeling she'd be better off with a chihuahua. But I didn't want to cause an ugly, friendship-breaking fight if I went with Silver.I guess Silver Spoon was feeling the same way. "BAD KITTY!" she said. "That's not yours!" Fine. I didn't want it anyway. Hmph.
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Most of the cats were horrible. With only 10 being good. The cat with 10 from all 4 judges, the highest score so far, was Abby. I was next. I took a deep breath, and stood there, as they reviewed What My name was, Who Owned me, etc. Just waiting for them to say "Okay, everypony, let's see what chiffon can do!" It eventually came in about 10 minutes. "Remember what we practiced." Filthy hissed from the line. I swished my tale, did a flip in the air, and did my best paw wave to the crowd. They gave 3 gave me a ten but the other did something amazing. He gave me an 11. That's IMPOSSIBLE. There's no such thing. But then I remembered: Anything can happen in Ponyville. The Announcer, after 5 minutes of being dormant, announced the winners. "In third place... DEVON!" I didn't know who the heck she was, but I was glad she won third place, at least. "In second place.... Abby!" I was happy she won second place, I mean, that's just as good as first place. I wonder who was going to win that. "And in 1st place....." I was scared and excited at the same time. I was okay with winning, but not too much. I didn't want everypony up in my face. The announcer stopped the awkward silence, finally saying the name of the winner and it was: Me. Oh no.
"Oh, THERE you are, Abby! I was looking all around for ya!" Applebloom squealed. "Okay, AppleBloom, let's take Abby home!" Applejack cheered. In order to convince them that I was Abby, I hung my head down and slowed down my walking pace. Luckily it worked. "It's ok Abby. You did the best you could." As we headed to the car, I was content that I was sitting next to Applebloom in the middle seats. Applejack unlocked the car door. I climbed in a middle seat on the right, only to find Pumpkin Cake in the middle and Pound Cake on the left seat. They were much older than my last encounter at their Birthday with Diamond, probably AppleBloom's age (It's amazing how fast). Along with getting older, they also got brattier, almost as bratty as Diamond. "Abby!" they shrieked. It took a while for AppleJack to realize who sat where. Luckily, she would realize it and move the cakes to the back seats of the car. No such luck. "Applebloom, you come to the front seat." Applejack called "Okay, sis!" "NO! oh no no no no no... this cant.... be happening.... NO!" Just then Pumpkin cake scooped me up and said, "She's SO fashionable! Applejack! BRADE HER!" But before Applejack could do it, we were home. "Oh, Abby! We're going to have so much fun, besides, the cakes are staying for the week!" Oh god. I couldn't stay. But did I have a choice? Which was worse? Staying with the cakes, or staying with Diamond? I decided on The Apple Family and the cakes. Sure, the cakes were bratty, and Applejack will overfeed me, but is that so bad? And anyway, I needed to give the Apple Family a chance. If it didn't work out, I would just run to Diamonds house when everyone was occupied with something else, ok it with Abby and live a somewhat better life. Well, let me tell you, it was good, but not good enough for me to stay. The cakes were bratzillas, and I got really fat. I decided to leave. Luckily (at the time), Diamond Tiara was walking down the street. I ran over to her. "EW! Get away from me, Abby! I couldn't STAND it if you got your muck on my new $500 dress!" I NEEDED to prove that I was Chiffon and NOT Abby. Then I hatched a plan. Maybe I could do my routine. Then she'd know FOR SURE it was me! So I did my little strut and all that junk. After doing it over and over, I convinced her that I really was Chiffon. "Chiffon? YOU RAN AWAY? OMG! SILVER!! It's Chiffon!" she shrieked "Chiffon!" they both gave me a big hug. "Abby!" Applebloom came over. "WHY are you with Diamond and Silver?" "What are you going on about, AppleBOOB?" Diamond Tiara sneered. Both Diamond and Silver giggled. "Are you BLIND?! This is CHIFFON!"Silver Spoon said. "NO IT"S ABBY!" said AppleBloom And th argument went on and on, and finally, Applebloom realized that I was really Chiffon. I could see a tear forming in her eye, and it made me feel like a jerk. Now it was time for a win-over contest. Much like the Mighty B, the 2 (or in this case 3) try to win me over with what I like. Sometimes, they get it wrong, but sometimes, they guess it exactly. Applebloom picked Apples (of course) and Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon picked a pool, and as much cherry shakes with meow mix as I could eat. I picked Diamond. It turns out the Cake Twins were WAY more annoying and bratty than Diamond and Silver combined.
Diamond and Silver RAN over to me, with Filthy Rich still standing in line, but watching me with a smile. I was showered in hugs and caresses, mostly by Diamond. "I knew you could do it!" she said "Wait to go, Chiffon!" said Silver Spoon. But they weren't the only people who are happy. A million little fillies, some who I recognized from their tantrums back when they couldn't adopt me, came running over. They all mimicked Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon, as if they were playing Simon Says or whatever. Just then, some stupid News Pony with ten camera man surrounding him, decided to be a jerk, push through the crowd, and put his put his stupid microphone in Diamond's face. "Little Miss! How do you feel that YOUR cat won the pageant?" "Go Away." said Diamond. This was probably the only time I would agree with her in a while. "Looks like someone's being a sourpuss!" the reporter said enthusiastically, making the most cheesiest, toothiest smile he could possibly stretch the muscles in his mouth to make. "Let's try asking this young lady, then!" said the reporter, "Little Miss-" "STOP. Just leave me alone." "ANOTHER sour patch kid!" exclaimed the reporter. "I guess we should ask the cat himself!" he whisked to me. "Here's Chiffon! So kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty..." I wanted him to stop saying kitty SO MUCH, but it would speak low of me to attack him, so I decided to bear through it. "Are you a Happy kitty kitty kitty that you won the-" HISS! "Bad kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty!" the reporter shrieked. I was pretty sure he had a speech impediment, but I didn't care at the moment, so I attacked. I wished I could talk, so I could just tell him off, instead of what I was doing. Filthy Rich ran over to the reporter. First he looked at me, and said "Chiffon! Bad girl." Then, he looked at the reporter "Mr, I am SO sorry! Chiffon is a mangy, flea bitten feline. I shouldn't have adopted her EVER. Let me buy you some cider." I could not BELIEVE what I was hearing, what did he just call me, a mangy WHAT? That's just rude! And what's this stuff about not adopting me in the first place? He was JUST smiling at me about a minute ago, and now THIS? I was through. I was switching with Abby TONIGHT. If the MAN OF THE HOUSE hates me out of all the other people that could hate me, I could tell I had a horrible life. I decided to run from Filthy while I still had the chance.
