"aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAH- *poof.*" Getting straight to it, are we? Well alright then. You are Anon, the human. You just fell out of the sky at heights you were pretty sure you should've died at, to be honest. Yet you didn't. But it sure hurt like hell. You face planted hard into the dirt ground, earning a loud groan that sounded more like a dying animal.

...

...

"Well shit."

Now, that might've been an anticlimactic response to suddenly falling a couple thousand fucking feet in the air at terminal velocity, but that was the least of your worries. As a matter of fact, you forgot it even happened. You feel all tingly though, which could honestly mean anything. You stand up and dust yourself off. Taking a peek at where you were at, you saw trees, some wilderness, some more wilderness, and a rock. You came to the conclusion that you were in the forest! Nice one, genius! "This better not another clichéd scenario..." You groan under your breath and walk through the forest lazily. You didn't care to ask questions at this point, so you might as well just dip as fast as you possibly could to get back to your free trial of Netflix that expires soon, and you do NOT want to waste that time.

Only problem is, you don't even know where you even are. This only dawned on you like half an hour after making a move. ("Oh, god dammit.") You internally curse yourself for even trying. You might as well sit here and die, that's the only thing you'd rather do if you couldn't get your Netflix. So you sat down on your ass and leaned your back on a random tree, soon drifting off to sleep as you had nothing better in mind to do.

"*yawn* am I dead yet?" You open your eyes to be greeted by a pair of bloodthirsty... wooden... wolves...

You blinked. Were you high off your shit right now?

"AARGH!" One of them barked right in your face, almost making you go deaf.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" You stood up faster than you ever have and your life and you hauled ass. "ARE THOSE FUCKING WOODEN WOLVES?! WHEN I SAID I WANTED TO DIE, I DIDN'T MEAN LIKE THIS, GOD!!" You looked behind you as you sprinted like you were Usain Bolt, hoping they would just do nothing, but nope, they were on your ass. To make things worse, you couldn't see for shit. It was almost completely night time, so wherever you treaded was on you.

And then you tripped over a large rock, cartoonishly cartwheeling before face planting yet again. Enough of those and your sure you'll be dumber than you already are, which is a feat itself. You faced the creatures and crawled away from the Timberwolves, but as fate would have it, you hit a dead end, your back hitting a massive boulder. Welp, this wasn't how you envisioned your death, but it certainly was a badass one, you had to admit. You clenched your eyes shut in anticipation, but suddenly heard what sounded like zapping, followed by a high pitched Yelp. You peered one of your eyes open, relaxing a bit. One of the shitty wolves were blasted into pieces, while the other ran off like a bitch. Letting out a sigh of relief, you look at the person who saved you.

It wasn't... it wasn't a person. Unless it was a realistic cosplaying heroine, that ain't no person.

It looked at you, getting a closer look at you.
"Excuse me... uh... sir? Ma'am? Something?" It said in an unsure feminine voice. It's horn glowed, causing you to wince once more as if you expected it to kill you. "Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt you. See? It's just a light spell."

You raised a finger. "First off, what the hell was that, secondly, are you a pony? With a horn and wings and-"

"Yes, I am. I'm Princess Twilight Sparkle. And those were Timberwolves." She replied, grinning.

"The fuck's a Timberwolf?"

"Before you go around asking more questions, I need to know who or what YOU are." Twilight stated, not bothering to even answer his question. "I'd guess a hairless ape."

"Wow, ouch, that was a bit harsh. For your information, I'm not a 'hairless ape', I'm a human. Sure, we might have ape-ish features, but that doesn't mean- why am I even explaining this, you're a pony!" You face palmed, your head sinking.

"I'll admit, no regular Ape can coherently speak..."

"I have so many questions right now." You rub your temples.

"The feeling is mutual."

"You're taking this a lot more laid back, you know. All the questions I need to know is: Where am I, Why are you a talking magical pony, do you have food, and does this place have any reception?" You take out your phone that you had in your back pocket, but realized it was dead. "Okay, nevermind on that last question." You pocket the device again.

She looked at the small device with confusion, but decided not to even ask what it was. "1. You are in Equestria, specifically in the Everfree Forest.
2. Where I'm from, talking ponies with magic is as normal as breathing.
3. No, but I can certainly find some."

"Oh, great, I'm in a fantasy world. Splendid. Fantastic. And let me guess, you can never find a way home for me, yeah yeah yeah, this is exactly what I feared..."

"Uhhh... what?" She deadpanned.

"Nothing, just me being meta." Your eyes lidded.

"...Right, just follow me," She turned around and began to trot off casually out of the Everfree Forest, humming happily to a random tune. You stood up and stretched out your back, following her rather unenthusiastically as you drag your feet through the dirt. "Oh yeah, I never did ask you for your name did I?"

"It's Anonymous D. Umbass. But you can call me Anon, I hate my full name because it's literally an insult."

"Anon... works for me!"

You were eventually lead out of the dreadful forest that you mentally noted never to return back to and onto a pathway. "Hey... so, what do you ponies eat?" You ask curiously. You were starving as hell, and that wasn't even half of it. You really just wanted to go for a nice In'n'Out 4x4 burger right now, but you don't think In'n'Out invented intergalactic travel yet. One day, maybe one day...

"Oh, just the usual vegetables. I hope you like salads," Ooooof course, why did you even bother asking?

"Yeah no, I'd rather stuff my fatass with literally anything else but a salad. I'm sure you guys have meat, right? Right?!"

She squinted and looked over your shoulder. "Most certainly not! Consuming meat is usually viewed as taboo in pony culture."

"Yeah, well, do I look like a fraggin' pony to you? I'll eat all the greens you want, just as long as I at least get a damn burger for once."

She let out a drawn out sigh. "Oh hey look, we here, now let's go!" She pushed you inside some large castle made of crystal.

"This is a kidnapping in disguise." You say as you were shoved into the large castle.

"*whew* okay, just take a seat and I'll get you something to eat." The purple pony princess insisted, which you gladly obliged.

You slumped over in the chair, sagging in it. You sigh hysterically a few times to act all depressed in the Hope's that maybe she would speed up.

A few minutes later, a bowl of, you guessed it, greens comes your way. At this point you don't even give a shit, your hungry, it's food, you deal with it. It only took a few minutes for you to devour it completely, not even sparing a single piece. "Well, good enough." You look at the pony who was currently skimming through books casually. She could really read that fast? You contemplate your life choices leading you up until this moment just by staring at her.

"Hey, Twinkle Sprinkle, mind if I ask what you're reading that has you literally reading one book per second?"

She pauses, moving the pile of books out of the way to look at him more clearly. "It's Twilight Sparkle..."

"Yeah ok, answer the question."

"I'm trying to find your species in one of these books, but I haven't found a single hint towards it." She continued to skim read.

"You know, not to rain on your parade or anything, but I'm pretty sure you aren't finding anything on me. For all I know, I was transported into a whole new Universe." You stretched your legs out and yawn.

"That seems to be the best explanation for this conundrum..."

"Hey, do you have a couch or sum'n? I'm having troubles just keeping my eyes open."

"Good idea! We can sleep and keep researching the first thing in the morning." She reorganized all of her books with her magic.

"But, that's not-"

And she was already gone. "OH COME ON!" You stood up, grumbling to yourself. "Where the hell am I even supposed to go?!"

"Oh, you must be the creature that Twilight told me about." A new voice popped in. You looked around but couldn't see a thing. "Down here." You look down to see a tiny baby dragon. This shit just keeps on getting better and better, doesn't it?

"I'm not in the mood to have a chat right now, so if you could just point me in the direction of literally anything I can sleep on, that'd be great." You put on a fake smile.

"There's a vacant guest room just up there," He pointed to the stairs that led to the next floor. "Second door on your right."

"Cool." You walk off and head upstairs to the guest room to never reemerge for the rest of the night.

"Anon..."

"*Snoring*"

"Anon."

"*More snoring*"

"Anon!"

"Mmmm... I won't let you down, dad..." You mumble in your sleep.

"ANON!!!"

"AHHH- FUCK!"

You fall right out of bed, wrestling to get your sheets off of you. You pop your head up with a tired glare. "...What time is it?"

"It's time to get to researching! That's what time it is!" She replied with a wide, toothy grin.

"All on our own? You know there's nothing about me, this is really useless!" You complain, planting your face into the pillow.

"I said it was the best possibility, but that doesn't stop me! I only searched a fraction of my books!" He froze in fear. His nightmares were coming true... he's going to read to death. He didn't think it was possible, but he learned not to assume what was possible and what wasn't ever since he fell out of the sky.

"But don't worry, I brought backup this time around. I had my trusty friends come over, so they're waiting for us downstairs. They're all super nice, so I'm sure you'll like them! There's Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, and Pinkie Pie."

You listened to her name all of their names and all you could think was how generic you expected them to be. Well, there's no point in fighting it anymore. You get up as slow as you could and stare at her. "...alright. Let's just get this over with,"

"Great!" She turned to the door and headed towards her library, you popping your head out and following her.

As you walk downstairs, they stop their conversations and just stare at you with wide eyes. Twilight looked at them and waved her hoof. "Uh... I know I said he was totally different but I didn't think he was that different, guys." They immediately pushed past Twilight after she finished talking and rushed towards you like a pack of wolves seeing a fresh slab of meat.

"Ah! What the fuck is with your freaky ass friends!" You were backed into a corner as they approach you.

"Sssso... amazing..."

"His scent is absolutely stunning..."

"He looks so muscular..." They all mumble sweet nothings at you continuously, their pupils the size of plates. What was even worse was the fact that they were all blushing profusely and - from the looks of it - a bit excited in the back area... which was a sight to behold, alright. But it doesn't end there, oh no, it gets even more fucked. They all began begging for you to breed them, flashing their bits off and trying to seduce you.

"I've never received this much attention before, and I don't know how to feel about it..." You shakily took a sidestep. "Hey, uhhh, Twilight, maybe lend a hand- I mean hoof! I think they're wanting to gangbang the absolute shit out of me!" You jump forwards and roll out of the way to escape their advances, ushering behind Twilight like a five year old for defense.

Twilight was so confused that she hadn't moved an inch since the facade started. Only when Anon slapped her out of it did she actually have a reaction. "What. The. Absolute. Buck." At least you knew they swore... sort of.

"Save your reaction for later maybe and, I don't know, use your fucking magic!" You point at the five ponies who wanted to basically have an orgy with you, all scrambling towards you like a magnet.

She shook her head to get herself out of the clouds and got into a stance, her horn glowing purple. She casted a spell that created a mystical wall between them and the sex ponies.

"Now explain to me why your little 'nice friends' are trying to fuck me silly?"

"I-I honestly don't know! This isn't like them at all!" Twilight tried to think as to why they were all so attracted to something that's not even from their planet.

"I have a better question how come YOU aren't in the same boat as them? If this is some sort of magical phenomenon and your friends aren't just perverts, at least."

"I don't know that either..."

"Well, that's just lazy writing." *cough cough not to point any fingers cough cough.* "No seriously though, you're absolute trash at this job." Anyways, aside from insulting the author's stupid writing skills, Anon tried to think of a solution. ("If I had the power to attract any female what would I do...") Light bulb. "Twilight, this is for the greater good, but I think I'm going to have to give them the ole' fuckarooney to snap them out of their lust for my meaty dick." You explained as clearly and straightforwardly as you needed to be.

"Well, isn't is a conundrum if I've ever seen one." That seems to be all she had to say for this. It wasn't a yes, but also wasn't a no either!

"Alright then, I'm going in! Turn off your magic or whatever you call it." You approach the mares who were currently rubbing themselves against the see-through magic wall like any insane fan would.

"Wait, are you sure you want to do this? I mean, there's a lot of repercussions that could come out of it and-"

"Would you rather have them stay like this or just let me get it over with? It's the easiest option I can think of... despite there being five of these fuckers out here. To he honest, I don't expect the writer to write out me fucking each one. That's like one thousand words each, and we're on a time crunch here." You tap your foot impatiently, shifting your weight. This was half an excuse, half not. You really thought that this was the only actual way to do this, but you also haven't been laid in like two years because of your introverted ass being glued to the couch talking about anime on Discord. It's a god damn miracle that you aren't somehow a neckbeard yet.

Twilight only heard half of that and decided to just say fuck it, opening the flood gates. "I'm going to go ahead and uhm.. leave, definitely don't want to stay and watch this." She bolted upstairs and in her room, using a soundproof spell to not have to hear that shit going on for the rest of the day.

You only realized how fucked you were once you were tackled by them all. "God has abandoned me."

~Ten Robustly Sexy Hours Later~

Twilight finally woke up and decided to check on how you were doing. That was the biggest mistake ever. There you were, surrounded by cum drunk mares, all of them passed out either on top of you or right next to you. Your 'Little Anon' was still hanging out(and looked like a sad one at that), the entire room looked like it was destroyed by those devil-possessed Parasprites, and to top it all off, juices and cum were scattered everywhere. Not a single surface wasn't blessed with the touch of sex. The potent scent that struck Twilight's nostrils made her nose burn. She slowly trotted over to you and looked down at you. You were still awake, your eyes half-lidded. "Was it worth it?" She asked redundantly.

"Fuck yes."

Author's Note

Thus begins the Sexy Misadventures of Anon and Little Anon.