Midnight Reviews

Critics, reviewers, writers, and chefs weaved their way off the large cruise ship. Some of them were chatting as they made their way down the gangplank, but a number of them were simply trying to get away from one of their number.

Midnight, in the months since her Istallion Indulgences article, had a growing reputation. And waistline. She was one of the last to step onto the gangplank, wheezing her way as she trundled down it.

She was clearly on the ‘wrong’ side of obesity now. Huffing and puffing as she managed to keep up with the stragglers of the group. Her face reddened, sweat beading along her coat and under her little-used wings.

Midnight had been hired by Travel Paradise: a vacation company that had their hooves in everything from resorts to cruise ships, and a lot of things in between. Spotting the growing talent, they’d offered her a spot to help others ‘stress test’ the staff and facilities of their new resort: The Four Seasons.

The Four Seasons would be opening soon, within a matter of weeks, so Travel Paradise had hired out a number of ponies and creatures that were willing to spend some time on one of their cruise ships, and on the resort properly. Hoping to spread positive press and build up their reputation for the coming summer months.

Midnight slowed to a stop when the ponies in front of her did. Her knees and hips aching underneath her as she was forced to carry her bulk for longer than she’d anticipated. And they hadn’t even had lunch before disembarking!

The hungry growls of her stomach drew disgusted glares and a few frustrated huffs from some of the fancier ponies near her.

There was a stage, and a staff member was talking. But between her growling stomach and wheezing breathing, there wasn’t much hope that Midnight could hear what the presentation was about. Probably a welcome speech of some sort, maybe an induction ceremony.

This gave her time to look around, at least, and stretch out the kinks in her neck after the week of travel. It had been on a large cruise ship, but at her size, travel of any kind was hard on the body.

The Isle was beautiful. She’d give them that, a good place to build a resort. The weather was supposed to be mild year round, and somewhat isolated from the mainland, while still being close enough somepony could easily make day trips into other parts of the country.

To the right of the resort was a path that would take someone to one of many stretches of beaches. In the distance, Midnight could see some of the famous landscape in action: verdant hills and the peaks of downlands near the coast. Perhaps there would be chines here, where coastal gorges formed from rivers running into the sea. Midnight had done some reading to prepare herself for this trip, and she was excited to see the landscape so many had praised over the years.

“-and thank you once again for joining us! I know you’ve not had lunch yet, but there will be our brunch buffet after the tour. Please follow me!” The unicorn waved a sign in the air, and the group took off with the cohesiveness of a broken cheese sauce.

The resort was beautiful. It had been an old manor house belonging to some important griffon or another before it had been sold to the company for refurbishment and expansion. There were sprawling gardens at the back of the manor house proper, a pool, a spa, a small gym, and a few other modern conveniences that the wealth elite that had once lived here couldn’t have imagined.

It wasn’t long before Midnight trailed behind the slowest of the ponies. Her belly swaying beneath her, being pushed by her flabby legs as she struggled to keep herself moving forward. Her rear swaying, flanks overhanging her hocks, making it all the more difficult to keep walking at an ‘average’ pace for any amount of time.

Even trailing behind the others, Midnight wasn’t stupid. Ears twitching as she heard whispers up ahead.

“How is she so slow?”

“Do you think she could eat out the buffet? I’m really hungry-”

“How did such a lardass get this job? She didn’t even make it down the gangplank without needing to stop and catch her breath!”

Midnight clenched her jaw, grit her teeth, and kept moving. Unable to hear the tour guide because of her wheezing breaths and how far back she was, but even with the pain she could appreciate how much work had gone into remodeling the place. Preserving the stately, griffon manor house feeling while having modern amenities like air conditioning.

Which was helping, she admitted to herself. The sweat prickling across her body and dampening her coat helped keep her cool too, but nothing was diminishing the pain in her burning, aching legs.

So wrapped up in walking, Midnight didn’t realize when a staff member rolled up beside her in what looked like a golf cart. “Ma’am? Ma’am?”

The third ‘ma’am’ caught Midnight’s attention, making her slow to a stop. Puffing for air, wheezing loudly. She didn’t wait for an invitation before she was clambering onto the cart, making it creak and groan under her weight. Her rear hung over the side, and her flabby body pressed into the attendant who was driving.

Midnight was better able to listen to the tour after that, even as the rumours and snide comments grew exponentially for the kindness the staff had given her.

Finally, they made their way through the maze of corridors to enter what was now the buffet room. Resembling a high-end buffet, it was extensive and beautiful. Offering a bit of food from around the world, but Midnight knew what the chefs here would be focusing on: the Griffish food.

Making her way off the cart, Midnight used the strength she had to push her way past all the ponies that had been commenting about her. She grabbed up a few plates and piled them high with all sorts of goodies. One of them was the traditional Griffish breakfast, while another was piled with the fixings of a traditional roast fish. Everything from the baked beans to the yorkshire puddings looked delicious, like everything she’d ever read about traditional Griffish cookery.

She took enough food to feed four ponies easily, in spite of a few moans and groans of the ponies behind her. Waddling back to the seating area, she let out a sigh of relief when she sat down.

The notebook and pencil came out before she was completely settled. Already eager to scribble out notes about her experience thus far. It didn’t take her long before she was gorging herself on the food, making a scene for those who couldn’t handle the way she did things.

“Sweet Celestia look at her go-”

“She’s not at all like Gourmand or the others. How is she even able to do this?”

“Such appalling manners, not at all like Zesty-”

Each comment had Midnight eating more and more. Eagerly gobbling down the food she’d taken for herself, only pausing to take notes or belch obnoxiously. At least the other ponies weren’t crowding around her, that was a bonus to all of this.

When she finished her first round, she motioned for one of the staff. Having them bring her the next ‘course’ of items. There was no restriction on what the servers brought, leading to Midnight’s table being covered in plates groaning with food.

Midnight couldn’t help but chuckle to herself as she continued to gorge. Service a la francaise is what the ancient ponies called this. Or something similar. Piling her table high with an assortment of dishes, she was left to serve herself. Mixing sweet and savoury as she pleased.

It was different to the norm, and as Midnight ate, she made sure to monopolize the staff’s attention. Waving them down more aggressively when the rude ponies from earlier were trying to get a word in edgewise.

It was silly perhaps, but Midnight couldn’t help but grin at the looks on their faces. Barely containing their outrage. This was going to be fun.

(LINE BREAK)

Quality Caramel relaxed as the spa pony filed down her hooves, letting out a quiet sigh. Finally, the chip in her back left hoof would be fixed and Tasty Trifle would leave her alone about it.

Why had she needed to wait three whole days before getting it fixed? Because of that slob Midnight.

An ‘up and coming critic’, the flabby bat-pony seemed intent on stressing everypony out. Staff and other testers alike, it was ridiculous! She monopolized the staff’s time, ate so much she could hardly move after, had the worst manners Quality had ever seen and it was just so stupid! How could one fat pony ruin things for everyone else?

When Quality had poked her head into the dining hall this morning, she’d been pleased to note Midnight was busy stuffing herself to bursting with the buffet again. So Quality had been keen to rush down here and get the pampering she deserved, and get her hoof fixed.

“More champagne?” An attendant asked, and Quality nodded. The lounges were comfortable, snacks excellent, and the champagne flowed freely. It was all she could ask, plus some. Since she didn’t need to worry about that Midnight coming and ruining everything.”

The champagne was bubbly and sweet, with a slight sting that could be easily masked behind some quality orange juice. Quality contemplated the idea as her other hooves were worked on. Soaking up the quiet, peaceful atmosphere. The sounds of running water, gentle music, the sounds of wind rustling the trees.

The sound of a familiar wheezing made Quality’s heart sink somewhere into the foundation of the building. Tension immediately returned to her entire body as she used her magic to move the cucumber slice covering her eye. Not bothering to hide the glare as she watched Midnight trundle through.

Honestly the mare really had let herself go.

Midnight’s cheeks were chubby, hanging down slightly to merge with the first of two extra fatty chins that competed for space alongside her jowls. Her neck was flabby too, looking soft and moved about with every movement she made. Threatening to form a roll against her pudgy pigeon chest which threatened to merge with her gargantuan belly.

Her stomach hung from a wide barrel, swinging between her legs like a pendulum and pressing against her legs to the point that Midnight’s only form of movement was waddling. Her wings bore her weight as well, looking like plump pillows rather than limbs. Her legs fared no better, looking as flabby and ill used as the rest of her. Her hooves beginning to look small in comparison to the weight suspended above them. Even Midnight’s rear had grown along with the rest of her, enlarging her cutie mark and overhanging her hocks.

Midnight’s entire body jiggled and wiggled as she moved, showing off the loose fat under her skin.

Quality bit back a derisive snort, watching as one of the attendants rushed to meet he obese bat pony. It took a few of them, of course, because the pig was so out of shape. Red faced and coated in sweat, Quality couldn’t help but wonder why Midnight even bothered to make the trip. It was obviously bad for her constitution, though the exercise certainly wasn’t a bad idea.

Thusly satisfied she knew what was going on, Quality closed her eye and replaced the cucumber. Hearing Midnight and the others as they got the corpulent mare settled on one of the lounges.

Quality almost jumped out of her skin when soft, warm fat pressed into her back. And stayed there. The pig had picked the closest one to her, even though the others were unoccupied. How rude!

“I’ll need champagne,” Midnight demanded, “And snacks.” Celestia the bat pony really did have no manners.

Quality’s attendant stayed with her, thankfully, but Midnight’s reputation was well established by now. There were no idle hooves (or claws, some of the staff were griffons after all) around Midnight. She monopolized their time, asking banal questions and always demanding more food.

The sounds of Midnight eating just about made Quality get up and leave, uneven hooves or not. But she was three quarters of the way done and it would only take a few more minutes before she could go.

Midnight ate loudly. Belching and slurping and still panting for breath even though she’d been settled for a while.
Quality tried not to think about whether or not the sweat beading along her back was her own, or Midnight’s. I’ll shower after this. Just to be safe.

“Alright, Miss Midnight, what would you like?”

“Hooficure and a massage.” Midnight managed to spit out irritably.

Quality checked a sigh. Staying in place while her own hooves were worked on. From the sounds behind her, there were multiple attendants with Midnight now. Working to massage the mare’s flabby body and attend to her hooves.

All the while, the obese blob ate and drank champagne like she deserved to.

It was all Quality could manage not to start screaming, but she knew better than to cause a scene. The staff here had it hard enough.

When the belching became more regular, Quality couldn’t help but lift the cucumber slice and crane around to see. Watching as the masseuse did his work. Midnight was so full that the slightest pressure made a belch escape her.

Another sigh, and the eating only ramped up.

The moment her hoof was finished, Quality all but fled the spa. Leaving Midnight to her armada of attendants, not noticing the satisfied smile on Midnight’s face as the mare munched on another hooffull of chocolate truffles.

(LINE BREAK)

“What do you mean there was no room service?” Powder Puff asked, leaning closer to the mirror to better see as she reapplied her lipstick.

“There was no room service!” Greta replied, huffing angrily from where she was washing her claws. “Nothing! Geralt and I couldn’t order a single thing, and we’d missed dinner playing bingo, and we were starving!”

“I heard it was Midnight’s fault.” Boreal Sun added from where she was touching up her blush. The three older women, two ponies and a griffon, shared a look.

“Of course it was.” Powder Puff whined. “And we didn’t even get to eat much at breakfast either, because she’d basically demolished it by herself. How in Celestia’s name is that mare even walking about?”

Greta shrugged, “Beats me. Honestly, if it weren’t for her appalling manners, I’d be almost impressed with how much she can put away.”

Boreal Sun rolled her eyes, “She’s just disgusting! Smearing food all over. Did you hear? Quality Caramel said she oinked! Like a pig!”

Greta dried her claws off, “Huh. That’s...wow.”

“We shouldn’t be surprised, honestly. Did you see how covered in gravy her muzzle was after she managed to eat a whole tray of roast fish?” Powder Puff huffed, smacking her lips together and turning her head side to side to see how the rest of her makeup held up. “Honestly, I can’t believe they haven’t kicked her out for her appalling manners. She keeps so much of the staff for herself! It’s unfair for the rest of us.”

“I’m going to complain, once we’re home.” Boreal sighed. “I hate to, but I want compensation. I can’t give a good review if I don’t know how the service is. You can hardly get anypony’s attention.”

“I was supposed to work with the chefs, see about learning about hardy, Griffish food but I haven’t been able to.” Greta bemoaned. “I was so excited to learn, but the chefs are just too busy to spare anyone.”

The three ladies sighed.

“Well. We’ll complain once this is all done. Maybe Midnight will stick to the buffet tonight, and we can test out the room service for ourselves.” Boreal said, almost tentatively.

“We can hope.” Powder Puff put her makeup back into her bag. “Good luck ladies, may you find some peace away from that disgusting pig.”

The three filed out of the bathroom. Never bothering to check to see if the stalls behind them were empty.

Midnight’s lips thinned into a strict line. Better to ramp it up then.

(LINE BREAK)

There were bags under the server’s eyes as she trotted between the buffet line and the table where Midnight was sitting, eating away. The others all looked tired too, and frazzled. But they were working hard, doing their best to keep up with Midnight’s growing demands. Rushing this way and that, doing their best to keep up with the requests from the other visitors as well.

Over the last four days, Midnight’s gluttony had grown to new heights. Midnight never went a moment without her stomach being stuffed to capacity. Her rump filled out narrow doorways now, and she used her body to block off the insulting reviewers from going to where they wanted to go.

Even now her chair was thrown back further than it needed to be. Blocking off easy access to the buffet to some of the louder critics of her manners.

It was the last night of the visit now, with the cruise ship picking everyone up in the morning. One last dinner, one special buffet for everyone who was here.

And, as her usual, Midnight’s demands overrode everyone else’s. She had the serving staff rushing around. Getting food and drinks, clearing plates, running to the kitchens to ask questions about the food.

Midnight was out-eating everyone else combined, face coated in various sauces and crumbs. Her hooves were just as filthy as she picked up the food to eat it when she wasn’t lazy enough to just go muzzle in.

Quality Caramel, after the fifth time of asking for another glass of wine, stood up with a frustrated yell. Ending the activity with the sound, all eyes turned towards her.

“This is enough!” Quality yelled, face red and trembling with pent up anger. “You are a gluttonous, rude pony who can’t even walk the length of this room without being winded!”

Another voice broke through the near-silence. “You’re so obese! Shouldn’t you stop eating so much?”

“Where are you even putting all that food, anyway! Nopony can eat that much!”

“You’re filthy! Look at you! I think you’ve got chocolate in your mane from last night!”

The voices rose in crescendo, more and more voices blending together to voice their angry concerns.

“You’re a fat, fucking useless pig who’s done nothing but get in the way!” Quality’s voice once more rose above the rest. Heaving for breath now with how angry she was.

The voices died after that, heads swiveling between Midnight and Quality, not sure at all what was going to happen now. Some sort of line had been crossed, surely.

Midnight let out a sigh, turning towards the nearest server, “Security is on the way, right?”

The server, who looked aghast at the critics, managed a nod.

“Good.” Midnight didn’t stop her eating. Reaching across an empty platter for the next thing. She let out a sigh, watching as one of the servers leaned against a nearby table, clearly needing some sort of break.

Her eyes widened, and she looked at the other servers. Noting the eye bags, the frazzled hair, mussed uniforms. “Oh. I, I’m sorry. I think there was a misunderstanding.”

“For what!? You’ve ruined everyone’s time here! Not just us but the servers too!”

“I think I took ‘stress test’ a little too seriously. I’ve never done anything like this before. I thought we were supposed to test their ability to cope with everything. Their patience, quality of service, everything.” Midnight shrugged, sending ripples across her form with the motion. “Maybe this doesn’t mean much, but everyone has done so well. The resort is getting a glowing review of their services, everyone was so kind. Even with as much of a bitch I’ve been, you all did splendidly.”

Midnight popped another morsel into her mouth, chewing it contemplatively as she used a napkin to wipe the worst of the mess off her face and hooves before reaching for the server who was still stood there, shell shocked. The poor dear looked about ready to dissolve into tears.

Midnight wrapped the mare in a hug, “I’m sorry for running you all into the ground, but you were doing so well. I should have realized I was taking it too far.”

There was a sniffle from the server, and Midnight had been about to reply when Powder Puff stood to join Caramel.

“Well then, where are our apologies! We demand apologies, you ruined this experience for the rest of us with your naivete!”

There were murmurs of agreement, and shouts from a few of the critics and reviewers who had been hit hardest by Midnight’s actions.

Midnight pulled away from the hug, ears flattening against her skull, “Fuck you! I heard what you were all saying! From the moment I got onto the cruise ship you all were judging me!” Standing up on blubbery legs, moving at a surprising speed considering her size. Pushing Quality and Powder Puff, and a few other dissenters, to the ground. “You all bad mouthed me without knowing me! Calling me names and wanting special treatment because I was doing my best to do my job!” Her flabby belly pinned them to the ground, even with their squirming and shrieking.

She turned to the server, “Can you bring me a few more meals please? Not quite full yet?” Voice sweet and gentle again, even though she had to speak loudly over the struggling ponies beneath her.

A nod, and the servers were once again in motion. Midnight grinned .Finally, revenge was hers.

(LINE BREAK)

The next morning dawned cool and clear, Celestia’s sun rising high into the sky and dispelling any sort of gloom that might have lingered after the show last night.

The crowd of ponies, and their luggage, were making their way onto the ship. Chattering amongst themselves as they’d been doing when they’d disembarked a week ago. Trying to put what had happened the night before past them.

Midnight wasn’t the slowest pony for once. The reviewers she’d squished the night before were bruised and stiff, limping their way down the docks at a pace that even Midnight found pathetic.

Unlike Midnight, the rude ones weren’t offered a lift in the golf cart.

Still, the slow pokes let Midnight say her goodbyes to the staff. Chatting with them amicably as they waited for everyone else to board.

“You know, you all are excellent at your jobs. Hopefully no one like me comes along,” Midnight grinned. “But if they do, I know you can handle it all with poise and grace.” Hugging one of the younger staff members close with a chuckle. “You’ll all do wonderfully when you open, I know it. And the next time I come back, I promise I won’t be this much of a bitch.”

“I can’t believe you took Powder Puff down a couple notches.” One of the girls said, “It was amazing.”

“Quality Caramel, too. She was snotty.” Another girl added, wrinkling her muzzle.

Midnight chuckled, laughing especially hard once the group of ponies finally made it. They were glaring and making threats under their breaths as they limped their way up the gangplank, but Midnight paid them no mind.

“That’s me, then.” Midnight sighed, pulling away. “Good luck all! And keep an eye out, my review should be out in a few weeks.” Turning to the gangplank and making her way up it. Ignoring the wood groaning and bending under her weight, she didn’t even mind that she had to stop and catch her breath halfway up before continuing again.

Just another day in the life of a critic.