Moonrovia

Dear Perfect Princess Celestia,

Hello. This is Luna. Your dear sister has been imprisoned on the Moon for about 900 years. I think. You are probably wondering how I am sending you this despite the fact I can't leave the moon. Well, to be honest, it started with an experiment. You see, when you banished me, you banished my entire bat pony army. Which, on your part, was just plain mean.

Anyway, I have managed to create a society here. We have homes, a castle, forests, small mountains, and other necessities of life all made from Moondust. Which is surprisingly useful when combined with magic. Now, as a result, a paper was created. I was sitting up on my throne (From a castle that I made myself with a lot of trap doors. I must say I am very proud of it.) and was fiddling with my magic. You see, I can still use magic. I just can't use it outside of the Moon's orbit. And since I have literally nothing else to do because like in Equestria, the bat pony Nobels will complain about next to anything and decided to test if I could send you a letter. So, if you are reading this. I assume it worked. How? No damn clue.

If you do get this, I hope you respond because I would like to know your thoughts on a few tiny issues I have with you.

When I was banished, I did nothing on the moon for about a year. I watched as my army pulled a "Lord of the Flies" situation a bit too quickly for my tastes and started killing one another because there was no government to tell them what to do. Sure, I was there. But I was too preoccupied with cursing your name, shooting my magic with many different types of spells to at least break my imprisonment, and wondering how the FUCK you used the damn elements on me!

When I left, swear words were a new trend. I didn't get it then. I get it now. It is kinds fun to say them and really drives my point home that no matter how I look at it. I just don't understand how a pony with no friends uses the elements. There is no way that you were so fuckin perfect that you had all the elements inside of you! That is not how they work!

I think.

OK, I actually don't know but you probably don't know either! You probably lost them after our little spat like when you lost Starswirl's hat for a week. But seriously though, it was a stupid looking blue hat that made a really annoying noise with the bells. How does anypony possibly lose it? But, it sure made Starswirl never trust you again so there was a bit of a positive from that situation!

By the way, there have only been 9 murders since my society was established here! I have a better crime rate than Equestria did in 100 years! Don't worry, the nine ponies were all elected official Nobels who were complete idiots and either got yeeted out of the public collectively or just stepped on the wrong fouls tail and they went crazy on them. It is more terrifying than it sounds. Watch a foul rip other ponies' faces. Ugh. Really gross.

But, to be fair. They deserved it.

I hope this letter has brightened your day. ("Brightened" get it? Haha.)

-The Best Princess and everypony knows it but were too stupid to figure it out because SOMEPONY was hogging all the spotlight, Luna. Aka: Queen Nightmare Moon of Moonrovia.