I Dreamt I was a Monster

Chapter 2: The Price

Light rain fell upon Discord as he stalked away from the hospital.

As the cool rain drenched him, Discord took a moment to stand still and look to the overcast sky. He untensed his shoulders as his breath came out in an explosive exhale.

“What happened with Twilight was just a fluke,” he said. Deep breaths and the raindrops helped ease the rage bubbling inside him. But it was still there, chipping at him.

Discord ignored it the best he could as he craned his massive neck to peer ahead. Squinting, his destination was a few blocks away. It was a tall cylindrical cobblestone tower with a sharply pointed conical roof. He could barely see it through the thicker rain ahead. The shower was growing more intense and coming his way.

“Will that old bastard even help me?” Discord asked, absentmindedly stroking his goatee with a paw. His body tensed in anger, but the feeling passed as he sighed. “You can do this. For Fluttershy.”

Even if it would take every bit of self control he had learned over the last few years not to wring the neck of that self righteous—

“Calm down,” Discord told himself with a growl. He rubbed the back of his neck, trying to ease his frayed nerves. “This much aggression isn’t you. You’re a spirit of disharmony, not violence.”

Unease sank into Discord as he looked to the ground. Despite not being a spirit of violence, he had nearly choke-slammed Twilight through a wall. “At least Miss Tough Alicorn Sparklepants wasn’t someone more… squishy.”

A shudder ran up from the tip of his tail to the base of his neck. What if it had been Applejack that had set him off? Or Pinkie?

“Just get a hold of yourself,” Discord said, staring into a nearby window. His reflection stared at him while tapping a wristwatch.

“I know, okay?” Discord said, shaking his head at the reflection. It simply glared at him. “Fluttershy is stable... but we don’t know how long that will last.”

The reflection held up a popsicle stick with a poorly drawn picture of Twilight’s head glued to it.

“Yes, I lied to her. But it was a lie of omission. Twilight would be the biggest threat to Equestria if she knew about that kind of magic. Moonflank and Sunbutt would do more than stone me. No, we... I, have to work with Starswirl.”

The reflection collapsed into a lounge chair with an overdramatic wave of its arms.

“Yeah, you and me both.”

Starswirl knelt in a respectful bow. He was almost kissing the marble floor. The scent of smoke was so heavy in the air it was pungent even low to the ground.

“You have done well, Starswirl,” she said to him. “Rise.”

Starswirl looked up to the mare addressing him. Her face was splendid and plain at the same time. A face both inviting and unapproachable. A simply complex contradiction.

A series of heavy knocks rocked Starswirl out of his dream. He took a moment to stare at the inky blackness of the ceiling above him as the real world reasserted itself.

“Who was that mare?” He asked, rubbing his eyes with a foreleg. He leaned out of bed and magically lit a candle. Light cast long shadows about his bedroom. The knocks came again.

It was his bedroom door, within his tower.

“Just a moment!” Starswirl shouted. He was sure he had locked the front door. If it was a burglar, then why would they knock? Throwing off his covers, Starswirl hopped onto the cold wood floor. A shudder made its way from his hooves to the tip of his horn as the chilly air gripped his old bones. He floated over a thick linen jumper, four wool slippers, and a thick cloak.

“Let me don some night clothes,” Starswirl called out loud enough he hoped to be heard through the door. “While I do so, explain your intrusion on my home.”

“It’s me,” replied the last voice he had expected, or wanted to hear this late at night. Or any time for that matter.

“Discord,” Starswrl scoffed, pulling the last slipper over the long leg of his jumper.

Floating the candle beside him, Starswirl latched the clasp of the cloak around his neck. He opened the door with a flick of telekinesis.

Rather than the giant serpent he had expected, a grey pony stood in the doorway. The white mane, red eyes with yellow sclera, and a crooked horn were dead giveaways as to who it really was. Starswirl stopped in his tracks and ground his teeth.

“Do not offend me by taking the guise of a pony. I have no patience for late night tricksters.”

“It’s about Fluttershy,” Discord said. In a near blinding flash of magic, Discord’s body expanded to it’s true height, allowing the immense draconequus to glower down at Starswirl.

“What happened?” Starswirl asked, blinking out afterimages of the flash. Something was wrong. Nothing nearby had spontaneously grew sentience and extra limbs. Discord was never one for a serious conversation. If one of the Princess’s friends needed his aid, then he would help.

As Starswirl waited for a reply, he pushed past Discord to the living room where he cast a small orange bead of magic towards the fireplace. When it struck, it instantly ignited into a raging furnace.

Starswirl smiled at the crackling logs within and sat down to warm his hooves.

“I know we hate each other,” Discord said.

“Celestia may have had a thousand years to dilute her memory of your terror, but mine is still fresh,” Starswirl interrupted. With a flash of his horn, Starswirl pulled over a large high backed wooden chair with red cushions.

As Discord made his way towards the chair, Starwirl rose from his spot by the fireplace and sat in it.

“Apologies if I’m an ungracious host, but you did break in.”

“Right,” Discord said with a forced grin. His hands were clenched into shaking fists. “Clearly a thousand years in stasis isn’t the same as a thousand years in stone.” He paused as if the next words were poisonous. “Fluttershy nearly died.”

Starswirl’s head jerked up to meet Discord eye to eye.

“What?” Starswirl asked. “How did it happen? Is she okay?”

“That’s why I’m here,” Discord said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I’m not here to settle our old score, as much as I would like to. Fluttershy was using that orb your student made and somehow… THAT magic got involved. I need you to remove a curse.”

“I scanned the orb myself,” Starswirl said, worry evident in his voice as he sprang to his hooves. “It was purely equestrian magic. Powerful, yes, but not what you’re implying.”

Discord glared down at Starswirl. “No, it most certainly is that kind of magic. The kind of magic that you refused to teach the former or current Princesses. The magic you had in reserve if Celestia and Luna failed to stop me with the Elements.”

“Unrestricted chaos,” Starswirl said, grinding his teeth. Discord gave a curt nod.

Starswirl looked between Discord and the fireplace, ears folded back before he stomped the ground with a hoof.

“No. I won't unleash that kind of power onto the world for your selfish obsession,” Starswirl said, glaring back at Discord. “And that's what it is. Nothing but you in the end. Do you come in here begging me to cast dark spells when children's lives are at stake? No. It’s only when the mare you love is in danger you ask me. Would you come in here for Twilight Sparkle? Rainbow Dash? You are still nothing but a self-serving serpent!”

"That's rich,” Discord said, throwing his head back to bellow a laugh. “And that is coming from the wizard who actually knows the dark spells to begin with."

"It was a different time, a different age,” Starswirl said. He looked to the floor. “I was young and stupid."

"And just as selfish as I. Just how many '-mancies' did you try. Let’s list them off, astromancy, chronomancy... necromancy," Discord finished in a low, insidious tone.

Starswirl’s lips curled into a frown of pure disgust. He slammed a hoof into the floor hard enough to splinter the wood.

"You black-hearted spawn of a brothel wench! She was everything to me!"

"AND JUST LIKE HER, FLUTTERSHY IS EVERYTHING TO ME!" Discord yelled back, his voice booming loud enough to rattle the stone walls of the tower. The sheer volume sent Starswirl backpedaling until his flanks hit the wall.

“How is anything different from then?" Starswirl asked, quickly pouring over his mental catalogue of spells. Discord was a spirit with a body. Bodies could be hurt.

"Because,” Discord said, slumping onto the high backed chair and resting his face in his hands, “Fluttershy is still alive. But not for long. I could feel the magic eating away at her... I know you’ve hated me ever since I escaped that summoning circle, but I'm the one asking you for help this time. No tricks, no breaking reality. Would the old me do that?"

"She really means a lot to you then?” Starswirl asked. Cautiously, he took a step towards Discord, a spell still at the back of his mind. “Something orderly that a spirit of chaos like you wants to keep as is?"

"Yes. Please,” Discord said. His eyes reflected the roaring fire so effortlessly. Shimmering even. Brimming with tears. Starswirl could scarcely believe it. “Help me. I don't know what I'll be if she isn't there."

"I can't,” Starswirl said. He gently shook his head, staring at the floor. “I want to help, even after all that shouting, I really do. But I’m old, and I've already used that magic too much. It'll kill me. I don't have the ingredients or time to make a simulacrum to cast the spells in my stead."

“Then it’s hopeless,” Discord said. His immense body sagged like a deflating balloon.

“I never said that,” Starswirl said. “There is an alternative… but it’s outrageously dangerous. Princess Twilight is a capable mage.”

Discord winced before slowly shaking his head. “Even I’m not foolish enough to let Twilight learn true chaos magic.”

"I’m not talking about teaching her everything,” Starswirl said. “Just enough to save Fluttershy. Twilight’s the only other unicorn I know who could possibly even learn how to cast the spells from just one reading. I’ll be there to guide her through it.”

“So,” Discord said, looking up from the fire, “where are the books hidden from the royal bookworm?”

A flickering candle on the writing desk illuminated the blank piece of parchment Twilight stared down at. The low light of dawn shining through her bedroom window wasn’t bright enough to write by.

Seven previous drafts and two broken quills lay crumpled in the nearby bin. They taunted her at the corner of her vision. A niggling reminder of how as soon as ink touched parchment, her mind ground to a halt. It made her feel like a lead weight was right where her heart should be.

Twilight slumped in her chair. A sick feeling squirmed in her stomach as her memory drifted back to Fluttershy.

Twilight knew this was all her own fault. She had agreed to let everypony play with the artifact. And that’s what it was, play. After so many adventures and escapes from danger, what was the worst that could happen?

“Hubris,” Twilight muttered.

Her hangover and too little sleep left her too drained to cry.

“You okay?” Spike asked, snapping Twilight out of her dour thoughts. He patted her shoulder with a taloned hand. The young dragon had grown a lot in the last three years. He was almost as tall as a pony now. “Need this?”

He offered a handkerchief, but Twilight shook her head.

“I’m fine,” she replied. His frown was as clear as a mirror in showing her how ‘not fine’ she was.

“Twilight,” Spike said in that familiar, placating voice, placing a hand on her forehoof and giving a tender squeeze, “you didn’t know it was dangerous. We’re going to the hospital after you write this letter, right?”

Twilight nodded, then shook her head.

“Yeah, at least if I can find the words I’m looking for. How do I break the news to Celestia and Luna?”

“Maybe explain it to them like you did with me. It doesn't have to be all royal and fancy. Celestia and Luna are Fluttershy’s friends too.”

Twilight knew Spike was right. She smiled down at him and rubbed the spines on his head with a gentle hoof before kissing his forehead.

“Mommmm, stop it…” Spike pleaded, pulling away. “I’m not a baby anymore.”

“Thank you, Spike.” Twilight said. “Let’s see how this draft goes.”

“Dear Princess Celestia–”

The ICU echoed with the sound of a steady, rhythmic beep and the slow, shallow breathing of Fluttershy. Twilight stood in the doorway watching the wires and tubes keeping her friend tethered to the living world.

Four wires ran from the beeping machine to Fluttershy’s still form on the bed, hidden by a lime green blanket. A bobbing green line on a display screen danced in time with the beeps. Another smaller machine pumped fluid from a bag into an IV line taped to Fluttershy’s forelegs which rested above the cover. A tube ran out from under the cover and connected to a bag hanging from the side of the bed to let fluid back out.

The weight of everything that had happened so far came crashing down onto Twilight. She felt like a ship lost in a sea of doubt, tossed back and forth by waves of worry.

Step by agonized step, Twilight approached the bed. Spike silently followed along beside her with a hand on her shoulder. Behind them were Celestia and Luna, a female doctor in hospital scrubs, and the other four girls.

Twilight wanted to stay strong for Fluttershy. But she also wanted to break down and bawl like a newborn foal. Twilight settled for a numbness worming its way through her as both desires battled each other with equal ferocity. She held back tears as she gently brushed Fluttershy’s hair, careful not to mess with the small plastic hoses feeding air into her nose.

“Fluttershy’s going to be okay, right, doc?” Pinkie Pie asked from behind her.

Dr. Mended Wing stood across from Twilight on the opposite side of the bed. The dark grey pegasus pushed her full-moon glasses up with the pinyons of her right wing.

“I cannot accurately say right now,” she said, before addressing Twilight, “Fluttershy’s condition appears stable, your majesty. We’ll know more when the results from her Magical Resonance Imaging come back.”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Twilight said. “What about the bleeding?”

“It appeared to be a temporary effect of the magic and stopped when she was sedated. No signs of any wounds inside her, but her body had lost that blood.”

Without any prompting from Twilight or the doctor, the other girls approached the bed. Applejack walked up to Twilight and shook her head slowly.

“Twi, my heart can’t take another moment of this hospital stuff… Rarity ‘n I are gonna stay in town a while. She’s gotta hotel room down the road most of us girls are gonna stay in.”

Applejack removed her hat, and set it on Fluttersy’s chest.

“I don’t have much to say,” Applejack said, staring down at Fluttershy with her ears splayed back, “so I’m just gonna ask ya to gimme my hat back soon. You’ll do that, right, ‘Shy?”

Applejack quickly stepped away, wiping her face with a foreleg.

Rainbow Dash was next as she put a hoof onto Fluttershy’s foreleg.

“Hey there, don’t know if you can hear me or not, but I just wanted to let you know I’m going to be right in the next room. I’ll be the first one you see when you wake up. Junior speeders stick together… right?”

Rainbow Dash reluctantly pulled her hoof away and turned to leave.

Pinkie Pie took her place. Her hair had lost its poof. She gently placed a hoof onto Fluttershy’s shoulder before forcing a smile.

“I’ll be throwing you a ‘glad you’re out of the hospital’ party soon. I know it.”

Rarity stepped up beside Pinkie and forced her own smile.

“And I know just what to get you as a present. I think a spa day is in order? Oh, and a new dress of course. Something from my upcoming spring line.”

Rarity and Pinkie both hugged each other and walked away fighting back tears.

Celestia stood tall in the middle of the room and looked to Twilight’s friends.

“Could Twilight, Luna, and I have a few moments alone with Fluttershy?”

They gave Celestia a wary look before each one agreed. Each one filed out of the room, leaving Twilight alone with the former princesses, the doctor, and Fluttershy. Twilight took a moment to look around, seeing the one person she had expected to be guarding over Fluttershy wasn’t here.

“Have you seen Discord?” Twilight asked the doctor. “He wasn’t in the waiting room.”

“He left last night,” Dr. Wing replied. “Though, I haven’t seen him since I started my shift. Dr. Scope was the attending physician last night.”

“Poor guy,” Twilight said. “I can only guess how he’s feeling.”

Her eyes met with Celestia’s. The former princess’s calm reassuring smile was a ray of hope that calmed her sea of doubt. But Celestia’s smile faltered.

“I know you’re worried about your own immortality,” Celestia said in a calm, almost motherly voice. Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. She had wanted this conversation, but she hadn’t expected Celestia to start it. “Living so long makes it hard to love the ones around you. I’ve met the great-great grandsons of some of my closest friends. But letting yourself become jaded is simply filling the hole in your heart by removing it. It’s no fix at all. Cherish and love the time you have with who you are with.”

Twilight looked down and shook her head, her body trembling with a restrained sob.

“I’m just going to outlive one group of friends after the next,” she said bitterly. “This is a curse.”

Celestia’s slow, solemn nod was all Twilight needed to understand the centuries of experience Celestia had over her.

“When Discord returns we should all discuss our feelings on the issue. For now, let’s focus on Fluttershy. You wrote of an orb and magic even Discord could not fix.”

“Yes,” Twilight said, glad for the change of subject. Out the corner of her eye, Luna stepped around the bed to join the doctor, but Twilight mainly focused on Celestia who rubbed her chin with a wingtip in thought.

“Magic he wasn’t able to fix… Does he know what type of magic it was? I have a hunch, and if it’s correct, then getting your friends involved would likely end up harming them. Possibly even worse than Fluttershy.”

Just imagining that had Twilight nauseous.

“I think she might be dreaming,” Luna said, catching both Celestia and Twilight’s attention.

“Really?” Twilight asked, hope in her voice. If Fluttershy was dreaming, perhaps Luna could help.

“Indeed. I’ve worked with sleeping ponies all my life,” Luna replied. A trace of her old accent slipped back as she continued. “Dost thou wish for me to try and awaken her?”

Twilight considered the possibility of Luna making it worse by poking around in Fluttershy’s head. Then again, Discord was a spirit of disharmony, not dreams.

“Maybe,” Twilight said after a several seconds of thought. “But be careful. Discord said that the magic affecting her was chaotic in nature. Neither of you saw just… just how awful it was. She was weeping blood, coughing it... had it running from her nose.”

There were a dozen other horrible things that Twilight dared not remember or say. She hoped that she had said enough to get the point across.

“Intense magical feedback?” Luna asked the doctor.

“That’s what we think,” Dr. Wing said. “However, I can’t let you cast any spells on my patient without express written permission from the current royal surgeon. I would lose my license if I let anyone, even a former princess, start casting spells with no actual medical training.”

“Would a decree from me override the royal surgeon?” Twilight asked.

The doctor was about to reply before a blinding light filled the room for a millisecond. Twilight blinked in an effort to recover her sight. The fuzzy silhouette of Discord took up a large portion of the room. He glared down at a pony shaped smear.

“That is the last time I ever go on an adventure with you,” Discord snarled.

Twilight blinked one more time. Her vision sharpened, and she watched Discord rip an arrow out of his shoulder. He stared at a rune-engraved broadhead before throwing it down onto the floor and clutched his bleeding wound.

“That might have actually been able to kill me,” he groaned. “Anti-magic enchanted silver arrows?”

Twilight wondered where Discord had gone to get injured by magical weapons as she looked to the pony grumping beside Discord. She raised an eyebrow in confusion as she saw Starswirl the Bearded. He was glaring back up at Discord, dusting char off his cloak as he held a dark black-leatherbound tome in his telekinesis. The symbols on the cover of the tome made Twilight’s eyes water just looking at them.

“I told you ‘no magic’,” Starswirl griped back. “It’s not my fault you tried to brute force that vault open.”

“We were taking too long,” Discord growled. His serpentine body bent to arch over the mage. “You said you had clearance to the archives.”

“It’s been a thousand years. If Celestia didn’t update the security, I would have been shocked. I never expected it to be THAT different.”

“Starswirl? What’s going on?” Twilight asked. Discord and Starswirl jerked their heads to her so fast their necks audibly popped.

They didn’t have time to answer as Celestia took an aggressive step forward into a combative stance. She scowled at them as her horn danced with crackling gold magical energy. She lowered it to point at the two newcomers.

“I’d like to know as well,” Celestia said in a low, threatening tone Twilight had never heard from her before. “Especially because—and correct me if I’m wrong, Starswirl—I had most of those tomes destroyed after I ordered the author burned at the stake.”

Twilight jolted to attention. She had never heard of Celestia ordering executions before. Sure, they had happened in the past. But never by Celestia’s decree, or as violent as burning.

As Celestia took another step forward, Discord raised his hands above his head while Starswirl simply frowned, keeping the tome locked in the air with his magic.

“We couldn’t wait for permission,” Starswirl said, ignoring Twilight to answer Celestia. “Discord, tell them.”

Discord nodded, the wound he had been clutching was now closed.

“Fluttershy is dying from a magical curse based heavily in the brand of chaos I can’t use. If it’s not fixed soon, it’ll kill her. Starswirl and I spent too long dealing with the Dark Archive to debate.” Discord let out a long sigh. “Please, Celestia, you can turn me to stone again after this all is over, but let me save Fluttershy. I need Twilight’s help.”

Celestia raised her horn, the magic dissipating as she eyed Starswirl. Her scowl was still on her face, and was much darker. Twilight never wanted to see that directed at her.

“And you're sure you need dark magic for this?” She asked, pleading for it not to be true.

“Unfortunately,” Starswirl said with a slow nod. “It’s the only thing strong enough to counter itself. Twilight’s the only one who can master magic of that power with just one read.”

Using chaos to fight chaos. Twilight knew she had heard this before.

“Discord,” Twilight asked, “didn’t you say something about fighting fire with fire?”

“Yes, because I knew just how easy this could turn into a bigger fire,” Discord said with a slow shake of his head. “And I was worried you’d be more than willing to pay the price for your friend.”

“Price?” She asked.

Discord gave a grim nod. “I bend and sometimes break reality… but this can rewrite it. Magic that powerful comes with a price. It’s why I’m not made of that type of chaos. It's like the difference between a Unicorn’s magic and an Alicorn’s magic. But we’re wasting time.”

“Alright, so what is the price?” Twilight asked. Everything was happening so quickly. She could barely keep up. Now there was a price to pay for the magic? A newfound worry welled up in her chest.

“We don’t know,” Starswirl said. The answer was far from calming. “It’s different for each spell and user. There is a reason chaos magic was banned.”

“As well as pony-leather covers with blood used as ink,” Luna muttered as she walked around the bed to join Celestia. Her scowl was just as fierce as Celestia’s.

Twilight felt her stomach churn. The fact the spell tome was leatherbound at all had been sickening.

She looked to Fluttershy. The pony with many friends and family waiting for her to recover. Her animals too. The trepidation melted away. She could do this. She could save her friend.

“I won’t let Fluttershy die. I saw how bad off Fluttershy was before I got her here. Damn the price, I’ll pay it. What spell do I need, Starswirl?”

Starswirl presented the book and flipped it open to a page that had been bookmarked.

“Here. Just the two pages that are open.”

Twilight took the book in her magic, nearly recoiling at the almost slimy sensation feeding back to her from the connection. She grit her teeth and pressed on. This was to save Fluttershy’s life.

Twilight read the dark red writing she tried to convince herself was colored ink and not blood.

Within moments, Twilight realized the contents of the pages were simple to understand. Despite the sloppy, almost crazed chicken-scratch of quillwork on display from the writer. They had been skilled with anatomy from the diagrams crammed into the margins. Or occasionally interrupting paragraphs.

But Twilight understood it. It was almost too easy. Like it WANTED her to understand it, but that was preposterous. Magic wasn’t a living thing. Then again, she had seen first-hoof what it did to Fluttershy.

Reading it again to make sure she had the countercharm fully understood, Twilight looked towards Doctor Wing who had backed up into a corner.

“Are you okay?” Twilight asked.

“Y-yes, Discord is just a lot bigger than the other doctors described,” Doctor Wing said with shaky breath. “Then you all started talking about dark magic, and I have absolutely nothing to contribute to all of this.”

“Glad you’re okay, but by royal decree, I’m going to have to ask you to take an oath that you will not speak a word about what’s happened here,” Twilight said, punctuating it by shutting the tome.

“Yes, your majesty. I promise not a single word or recounting of the events within shall leave this room. Should I leave for good measure?”

“No.” Twilight gave the book back to Starswirl. “I want a physician here just in case something goes wrong.”

Twilight stretched her wings out, took a deep breath, and closed her eyes to concentrate.

When she opened her eyes once more, they were as dark as a pool of ink and as deep as a void. Purple smoke curled from her lips as she spoke incantations in a language that was impossible to speak by any natural means.

Grey lightning crackled off Twilight’s horn to strike the floor. Each bolt burned a new section of a rapidly forming circle around her. The tiled floor beneath her hooves began to smoke, then melted as runes that hurt to look upon rose up from nothingness.

Finishing her incantation with a scream, Twilight cast the spell.

Fluttershy stirred. Her head was throbbing. She tried to speak but couldn’t move her lips right.

It wasn’t true. She couldn’t be awake.

Fluttershy opened her eyes to look at the sweet, sweet sight of a hospital roof. The nightmare was over. She didn’t have to kill anypony anymore.

She heard somepony saying words nearby. It was so hard to think with the pounding headache.

Her head didn’t want to move. Grunting in effort, she just managed to roll her neck just enough to see Twilight standing in the middle of a smoking circle on the floor.

Fluttershy wanted to smile and tell her friend she was okay. That she was better.

Then she realized Twilight’s right eye was oozing down her face as arcane smoke billowed from the empty socket. She found the strength to scream once again.