The next day, Mister What is sitting on a stool in Twilight’s basement, twiddling his thumbs with a little grin on his face as he watched his new roommate fiddle with some complicated-looking equipment. She trotted over, a headset with a large number of wires protruding from it floating in her aura as she removed his hat and set it gently atop his head, setting the hat to a table off to the side.

“Alright, Mister What, I am going to take some measurements now, Please try to stay still for a few minutes…” She said as she held up some nodes attached to wires and stuck them on his wrists and his neck “Could you stick a few of these on your chest please?”

He obliged her and grabbed them, sliding his hands under his clothes and sticking them onto himself with a small nod “Sure thing, doc!” he said brightly as he smiled a bit wider, gripping the edges of his seat now as he watched her with mild interest. “So uh, what exactly are you measuring?”

“Heartrate, brain activity, Ambient Magical Energy Output.” She said offhandedly as she tapped on the machine, flipping a few switches and stepping back as she watched it whirr to life and began to chug and clunk dully.

Several small streams of paper began to slide from one side of a slot on the side of the machine, each forming its own neat little stack on the floor in front of it. Twilight leaned down and watched them all carefully. “Hmmm…..interesting….” she said softly as she went from ne to the next, stopping at one in particular.

She stopped the machine after a few minutes, grabbing one of the stacks of paper in hr magic and floating it over to him “Mister What, could you please tell me what this is about?”

He took the paper in his hands and cleared his throat, beginning to read from the top.

“‘According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground’….Oh! It seems to be the Entire Bee Movie Script. Why?”

“It supposed to be your heartrate.” She said, sounding mildly irritated as she grabbed a stethoscope and leaned in to press the device to his chest only to hear a strange song Begin to play from within his chest.

She looked up at him, starting to get a bit irritated, and clearly perplexed. “Are….you aren’t doing this on purpose, are you?”

“What!? Moi? Interfere with such important scientific work? Perish the thought!” he said, clasping his hands together, a halo appearing over his head above the helmet as he looked at her with what she could only presume would be wide eyes, if he had eyes that is.

She gave a small sigh and shook her head, taking a few notes in a notepad using a pencil, with a notepad appearing in Mister What’s hand, him doing much the same.

“Hey, do you mind if I take a look there?” she asked, levitating the notepad away from him without asking,” She immediately regrets this. Blushing heavily as she was exposed to the sight of his crude doodling.

She slowly passed the notepad back to him. He smiled sheepishly and tore the paper out, slowly putting it in his mouth and chewing on it while never breaking eye(?) contact with her and swallowing slowly. “I regret nothing,” he said simply with the straightest face she had seen out of him yet.

She gave an exasperated little nicker, stamping her sof lil hoofsies a bit as she looked up at him “Mister What, this is a serious scientific endeavor, and I would appreciate it if you could please try to be a little less silly while I am trying to figure you out!” She said with a strained, forcedly calm voice, clearly approaching her breaking point now.

He shrugged and gave her a sympathetic look. “Hey, if figuring me out was easy I would have already done it...maybe, if I felt like it, I guess. Nah actually, sounds like too much work,” he said, leaning forward a bit and placing his hands on his knees in a relaxed posture.

“That is beside the point. The way you are acting right now is extremely distracting.” She said through gritted teeth, her eye twitching a bit as she looked up at him intently.

“Psssssh, naw, this isn’t distracting. THIS is distracting!” he said as he reached over, promptly plucking off her horn before holding the tip to his mouth and flicking his thumb out in front of it with a small *click*. A wick of blue flame emerged from it as he lit fire to the base, inhaling slowly and then pulling the horn away from his lips to exhale a bit of purple glitter-riddled smoke directly into her face. “Bruh, this purp is fuckin legit. You wanna hit?”

The front door of the Golden Oaks slammed open, and Mister What came dashing out, cackling like an absolute madman, his legs a circular blur as he held onto his hat and scampered down the road, a smoldering purple horn clenched between his teeth. “MMMMMMMMM CHE-YECK PLEASE!” The strange creature said whimsically with a hint of fear to his voice as behind him, a very, very angry Twilight Sparkle followed in hot pursuit, her fur white, her eyes red, and her mane ablaze as she dashed after him, roaring at him furiously. “WHAT! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT YOU BUCKING MORON! I’ll take that horn back and...do something! AHAHAGAHJAGAH!”

She was clearly not the best at the improvisational banter, but she was doing her best, damn it!

She pursued him single-mindedly, only to lose him as he turned the corner and entered the town properly, her nostrils flared slightly as she began to calm down just enough to no longer appear as a fire hazard, swinging her head this way and that as she tried to suss out his location.

From sitting on a bench behind her, a rather dapper bipedal gentleman with a mustache lowered a newspaper and pointed off in one direction. “Uh, he went that-a-way, sister,” he said in a trans-Atlantic accent, one eyeless brow cocked.

“Thanks!” She said quickly without even looking back, dashing off in the direction he had indicated with a determined glint in her eye.

“Heheh, no problem, toots…” he said softly, putting the horn back between his teeth and taking another puff as he raised his newspaper, the headline reading. ‘Local Dummy Thicc Egghead gets Fucking Memed On.’

Several moments later, a loud screech akin to tires can be heard off-screen, and Twilight leaps at him, knocking him off of the bench and onto the ground, her hooves pressed to his chest to pin him in place under her.

“Hah! I caught you, you dirty rascal! Now, what do you have to say for yourself?” She said, giving him a stern, displeased look as she leaned down to stare at his face accusingly.

He pouted and gave her a sad lil look “W-well gosh Twilight. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you upset…” he said softly as soft violin music began to play in the background.

Twilight looked over and shot a glare at the stallion who had decided here and now was a good place for violin practice, who proceeded to give a sheepish apologetic look before scurrying off quickly. She then looked back down as she spoke. “Well, I am glad you at least understand you did wro-huh?”

Twilight gave a very puzzled look as underneath her was no longer Mister What, but Pinkie Pie. “Hi, Twilight! Gee, your new friend sure is a Riot, huh!?” She said as she looked up at her pal with those adorable big blue peepers of hers, grinning ear to ear.

“Wha-Pinkie? What are you doing? Where’s Mister What?” She asked, stepping off of her friend and trying to figure out what just happened.

“OH! He gave me two bits and a cupcake to lay under you while he went to go do something else,” she said, holding up the cupcake in question. Red velvet, with mint green icing. She snapped it up happily in a single bite, gobbling it down. “Mnnnn….anyway, why are you chasing him like that?”

“I am chasing him because he stole my horn and is currently smoking it and Celestia bucking damn it if that isn’t the dumbest thing I have ever had to say in my life!” She said, gritting her teeth and stomping her hoof at the insanity of it all, how it infuriated her that he was so-

“What are you talking about? You’ve had your horn the whole time we’ve been talking!” Pinkie said, giving her a vexed expression as she tilted her head slightly, pulling a mirror from her mane to show twilight that she did, indeed have her horn back, and a note attached to it to boot.

“Dear Princess Sparklebutt,

Today I learned that sometimes it’s important to respect the personal boundaries of your friends, no matter how fucking crunk their horn makes you when you smoke it. Because even if getting them mad is really really funny, like so funny holy shit you should have seen your face, it was top kek and...what was I talking about?

Anyway, I’m sorry I got you so worked up, I put your horn back and gave the pink broad a cupcake of sorriness, which I hope she remembers to give to you in accordance with my instructions. I will be back later this evening with something more socially acceptable to smoke so we can chill in the basement together and listen to Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds on repeat for seven hours together while we stare at the ceiling and giggle for no reason and call Spike gay.

-Your Homie

Mister What

Twilight sighed softly and gave a small smile, chuckling a bit as she read the latter. She supposed what he had done was harmless enough, if a bit rude, but she had to admit she found it a bit humorous in retrospect. She wasn’t sure if he was onboard with...whatever activities he had planned for them later, but she appreciated the thought.

“Alright, thanks Pinkie. I’m going to head home now and clean up. I may have made a bit of a mess choosing him around the library...” She said somewhat embarrassed as she turned and trotted back off towards her cozy little tree abode.

“Oki Doki Loki!” Pinke said with a wide smile as she waved her friend off, watching her disappear over the horizon before she started to chuckle, then laugh out loud, stamping her hoof on the ground a few times.

She reached above her head and pulled, a loud zip sounding off as her face peeled back to reveal Mister What grinning like a maniac, slipping out of a Pinkie Pie suit and dusting himself off. “God, she so fuckin cute.” he said with another soft chuckle as he pulled her horn from his pocket, lighting it back up and puffing at it with a soft, pleased sigh “fuck that’s good shit. I hope she doesn’t realize that I replaced her horn with-”

“WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT”

“Ah shit, the jig is up, whooooo-oopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoopwhoop!” he cried out in a slight panic as he made a break for it to god knows where until the heat was off, purple sparkling smoke trailing behind him as he ran off into the horizon.

Author's Note

And there is another one! Starting to get into the swing of it now, hope you are all enjoying!