Several hours later, Mister What has finally managed to outrun the alicorn princess pursuing him. He had, of course, replaced her horn some time ago, and neglected to tell her simply for his own amusement. She looked like she could use the workout anyway, chasing him had been excellent aerobics for the otherwise somewhat physically inactive mare.

He came to a stop on the outskirts of what seemed to be a farm, dusting himself off with a small chuckle "Heh, I think that's enough of that for today, can't spend all day causing mischief and indulging I'm benny hill-esqe chase scenes. that's supposed to be Tuesdays." he finished, putting his hand in his coat pocket.

He stomach growled softly as he took in his surroundings. "Huh, yeah, food. Almost forgot I needed that. Wait, do I even need really need that? Ech, not the time, hungry. Food now, self-analysis later..." he said as he walked towards the farm. "if there's anywhere that's got grub, it'll definitely be where the grub is grown...what are they even growing here?"

He looked around, humming a bit as he assesses the crops he can see from here. Wheat, potatoes, the place next door seemed to be growing carrots...

Oh, and apples, lots and lots of apples, big shiny red motherfuckers. They hung in the trees, glittering like gems., His lack of eyes widened as he saw them, and he subconsciously licked his lips. "oh wow wah momma, that's some nice fucking fruit. Gonna have to break out the good silverware for these..." He said as he slowly pulled what seemed to be a katana from a sheath that had most certainly not been on his hip a moment ago, some soft background ambeince playing for a moment as he stood off against one of the many trees with a determined expression.

After a moment he shrugged and stood normally, throwing the katana away from himself, where it landed out of sight with the sound of a crash and a cat yowling in dismay. he shrugged and dusted his hands off. "Eh, fuck this weeb shit."

It seemed he was not really feeling like climbing or otherwise brutally defacing the tress to get their apples at the moment, so he instead wandered a while longer, hoping to come across some already harvested, and as he approached and opened some sort of storage shed, oh boy did he find what he was looking for.

He dropped to his knees in awe, hands clasping the sides of his head as he beheld the largest concentration of fresh fruit he had ever seen in one place. Normally he would not have been so entranced by the plentiful pile of produce, but after the afternoon he's had, the DEFCON one level munchies his shenanigans have wrought, it might as well be the gold of El Dorado for how hungrily he was eyeing it.

"I have seen heaven and it is uncomfortably red," he said softly to himself as he slowly walked closer to the pile before finally giving up all pretense of resistance and diving forward, screaming with glee!

a few hours later, Applejack was on her way to the ol shed, humming softly to herself as she carried a clipboard in her mouth. She had safely lost the game of rock paper scissors over who would take inventory to Big Mac, but she was determined to finish up quickly and make the most of the rest of her afternoo-

the clipboard drooped from her mouth as she stood agog, the door to the shed wide open to see none other than our man of the hour, belly protruding as he laid on what was now a significantly smaller pile of apples than had graced the room before.

He gave a small groan as he sat up, rubbing his head "oh fuck, I think I ate too many apples, that fuckin horse has a Stetson..."

"And just what In Sam Hill do you think you're doing on mah property, yah gotdanmed varmint!" Applejack says, her face getting steadily redder as she storms into the storage shed, her language exceptionally coarse as she glared down the strange creature before her.

"Oh shit uh, yeah, almost forgot you guys could like...talk and own property and stuff here, hold on." He said as he grabbed his distended gut and pushed it in firmly, the bulge dissipating as he tightened his belt a bit with a small apologetic smile "Ech, sorry about that. I was fucking with some purple broad earlier and I got the mad munches after smoking her horn, so I sorta ate a bunch of your stash..."

"...Ah didn't understand half of that, but you did just say you went and ate half of our day's harvest, right?" she asked in a softer, calmer voice. Her eyes narrowing slightly as she walked a bit closer to him.

"Well, I suppose that would be a fair assessment of-"

THWACK

The thunderous sound of the mighty blow echoed through the property and beyond, ponies well into town raising their heads in confusion at the origin of the echoing, powerful sound produced by the blow.

Mister What stood there, his face caved deeply in, a set of two hoofprints imprinted deep into the back of his face as he did his best to look disgruntled while disfigured in such a comical manner. "Now what did that really solve?" he asked as he grabbed his own lack of a nose and pulled firmly until his facial features popped back into place audibly.

Applejack seemed a bit taken aback by his less than bothered reaction to her violent outburst "W-wha? that shoulda put you on your back. What gives!?" She demanded as she stomped her cute lil hoof and huffed, looking up at him angrily.

"Trust me, I've had worse," he said as he crossed his arms and tapped his foot slowly, giving her a somewhat bored look. "So are you gonna try to cave my face in again or can I go?"

Applejack gave him an incredulous stare for a few long moments before shaking it off and glaring at him "ah no! you ain't going nowhere, partner. not until you pay me back for those apples, c'mon!" She said, suddenly leaping up and grabbing his ear between her teeth.

The ear in question stretched with an audible rubbery sort of sound until she was touching the ground. She shivered in mild disgust but kept her grip and started walking towards her farmhouse.

"Hey hey hey, ow owwwww!' he cried out, as he was tugged along by the strong little earth pony, his lack of eyes tearing up slightly as he stumbled along behind her.

"You're gonna apologize to the rest of mah family and then we are gonna put your big green behind to work until you pay us back proper, big guy!" She said in a muffled manner through the mouthful of green earmeat as the two of them tramped off over the horizon, Mister What loudly complaining all the while.

Author's Note

Part Two Coming Soon >:3