A Pie by any Other Name

Panic by arrangement. Criteria for targeted advice acquisition. The Fairest Sex. A surprising bit of honesty. Exactly what didn't need to be said. A changed mind. What the future holds and the past hides.

Twilight paced back in forth in the comfort of her own mind while physically sitting in front of Sugar Cube Corner where she calmly sipped at a cup of tea. True, she needed to escape Pinkie for a moment, and so one might think that the bakery at which the mare worked would be a bad option to do so. Such opinions would be correct of essentially any creature in the universe that wasn't Pinkie.

This was not to say that Pinkie did not attend her work faithfully and never showed up, therefore making the place safe from the mare. Quite the opposite really.

Pinkie was so faithful to her work - so much so that Twilight wasn't sure if the mare had days off - and Pinkie also had her array of additional senses. At any given moment the mare knew where you were - or so it would seem*. No, instead, Twilight was counting on the fact that Pinkie knew where she was, saw that it was Sugar Cube Corner, assumed that she was essentially inviting Pinkie to show up, and so wouldn't. Had she gone to the Hayburger, Pinkie would've thought that Twilight was avoiding her and so would've shown up to ask why.
*In actuality, Pinkie did know with relative accuracy where every creature who was a resident of Ponyville and its environs was at any given time. This, however was not, nor did it have to, rely on her eleventh or even seventy-seventh senses - each of which would've been sufficient to the task if she cared to apply them to the task. It just so happened that the same attention to detail that allowed the mare to remember and record all birthdays and other occasions of note also allowed her to subtlety pick up on the living schedules of every creature that crossed her path after a period of two to three weeks. Most creatures would deny it, but every one of them is oh so incredibly predictable - even if that predictability was the certain prediction that they were unpredictable, much as Pinkie was.

So Twilight sat in piece with a cup of tea while stewing. Her self-imposed, controlled panic had been restricted to a low simmer in the hopes she could flare it up for an inappropriate burst of emotion later, but even so she felt terrible. She should feel panicked and even near hysterical all on her own, but instead she had to contrive to feel that way all on her own. She wouldn't even get a thematically appropriate nightmare at this rate!

She sipped at her tea, not even frustrated enough at herself to groan theatrically in order to unintentionally gain somepony's attention in a way that would rope said pony in to a long drawn out conversation which would likely end with Twilight gallantly realizing the fool she had been and set the entire thing straight. She couldn't even manage the restrained sigh that might signal a vibrant introspection that would engender such a deep response from her neurons that she'd shortly have the same effect hit her.

Worse yet, the weather wasn't even helping. If it had been sunny, it would've been a contrast to the storm that ought to have been inside the mare. Having rain refilling her cup ad nauseam would've been appropriate too, had the weather so contrived towards her aid. Instead, she was stuck with a mildly overcast day without even a pleasant breeze in sight that might cause a relevant shudder to run down her spine.

Twilight knew that the world didn't have to bend to her emotional state - whether the true one or the one she was hoping would take her at any moment - but she was next door to the Everfree for Celestia's sake! It should occasionally shoot off a bolt of thunder for the pure show of the thing. Give the locals a reason to fear what was honestly a dangerous area that had since become little more than fodder for interesting stories around the campfire.

But no, the world was... in point of fact, just kind of bland. Unremarkable even. It didn't feature it was so unnoticed. The background, which Twilight had always seen as vastly interesting and commonly in line with what was needed of it for thematic consistency was just in the background now. It wasn't doing anything!

Her life had turned upside down, she was discovering new things about herself, she had Pinkie wrapped about her hoof, and at any moment she might do something tremendously stupid that would make her incredibly happy for the rest of her life - and here the world was just the same as it had been the day before!

Twilight would've huffed had she thought it would've engendered any sort of response. Instead she sipped at her tea in a pensive way, making sure to stoke the fires of artificial panic that waned in her belly because of disuse.

Her mind wandered to thoughts of who she should consult for the advise she wanted. She desperately needed somepony else to tell her what she wanted to do was what she ought to do while not being directly told to do so. A quick checklist easily marked off the easily swayed Pinkie and Fluttershy while also marking off Applejack for being honest.

Honesty was good, but it wouldn't help a mare who wanted a casus belli, not a heaping helping of the salt of the earth.

Rainbow was a shaky option who might, through indirect prodding and guided questions be persuaded to say what Twilight needed. She was loyal enough that she might help Twilight out by giving her the pleasant warmness of blind loyalty - but she may very well also say some sensible drivel about 'if you love 'em let 'em go', which though it had worked for her and Applejack, it wasn't at all what Twilight needed or wanted to hear.

That left Rarity.

Twilight actually sighed, planting her forehead on the table as she considered this option while weighing it against the possibility of 'rubber ducking' the situation against anything or anypony else - preferably somepony she didn't precisely know.

It wasn't that Twilight didn't like Rarity or didn't think the mare might be persuaded to give the answers Twilight wanted - it was just about the opposite of that. She likely - had Twilight been the sort to easily develop romantic attachments - would've been Twilight's second choice of love if only on a carnal level.

It might have to do with the fact that from the moment Twilight had met the mare that she had felt like the proper greeting would include a bow. It may have been because of Rarity's purported straightness that a speck of rebellious nature wanted to break like a good habit. It might have also been the fact that Twilight got the nagging feeling that Rarity secretly didn't belong to the fairer sex.

Twilight could imagine Rarity being the first mare showing up in line before the amorphous entities that decided these things, getting a few longing stares, a couple of whistles, and being told she and all who had the same genitals would be called 'the fairer sex' - only for the next mare to show up and for these amorphous entities to tell her she was also part of 'the fairer sex', only to have Rarity called back into a hushed meeting afterward to receive a chitty proclaiming her to actually be part of 'the fairest sex'.

That or she had whined for it.

Or possibly gave one of the members of the council a blowie. It really could've gone either way.

In total, Twilight just had this rising sense of disquiet whenever Rarity was around that she had accidentally been mistaken for her and had received the crown instead of the beauty who clearly was more worthy. Sure, being a looker wasn't the proper distinction that would mark out a good ruler - there was a reason that super models didn't get in government except when it was under a desk - but it certainly felt like it should count for a great deal.

Speaking of, Twilight was getting an all-natural sort of anxiety as she sat there with her face on the table. It almost was a relief to feel tense as a base, but Twilight knew it wasn't the tenseness she ought to have been feeling in the lead up to a meeting that narrative causality mandated needed to happen.

"Are you alright, darling?" Rarity's voice broke through her thoughts. Twilight gathered herself up, sitting up to give Rarity a weary smile.

"Rarity, I didn't expect to see you in Ponyville." Twilight said, a bit more than tired if any evidence was to be considered. "I thought you'd be tied up in Los Pegasus with the opening of your new location."

"Twilight dear, that was last week!" Rarity said, waving her hoof in dismissal. "If anything I'd be busy with Fillydelphia, but things have been progressing so smoothly that I decided to take a moment for myself back at home." She explained, taking the seat opposite of Twilight without a word about it. "What I'd be surprised about is that you're back in town and looking like you're barreling towards a friendship lesson. Do you happen to have the journal on you?"

"No, but I could use some advice, Rarity." Twilight said, deciding that her odds of getting what she wanted from Rarity were high enough to risk it. "I have this situation that is... sensitive, and I don't-"

"You want to be vague about some situation so that you can manipulate me into giving you an answer that better suits what you want without telling me to say this or that precisely." Rarity said with a coy smile, stunning Twilight before she had a chance to even set up her first piece in the discussion. "Darling, I may not be as well-read as you, but I have read a sufficient number of books to recognize a trope when it slaps me."

Twilight paused, thinking this over before shrugging. "I suppose you're right." She sighed.

"Now, Twilight, let's be honest with each other and just come out with it; hmm?" Rarity said with all her natural graces in full effect. The effect was readily seen in Twilight who already seemed at the point of breaking.

"I... I'm in love with Pinkie." She confessed. Rarity nodded sagely.

"I had always thought that you had a thing for somepony - Pinkie having been one that was close to the top of the list." Rarity said, no sign of impending judgement in her tone. "I honestly can say I couldn't think of a better pony for her. You're stable, caring, and one of the few who can stand her at her most energetic." Twilight stared at Rarity in befuddlement.

"Are... are you forgetting she's married? She had a foal, you've met her." Twilight pointed out. Rarity waved the words away like a foul odor.

"My dear, I know very well that she's married. I also know that in this day and age 'death do us part' has an asterisk beside it." Rarity said coldly. "Darling, sometimes mistakes are made an things need to be set right. I'd suggest asking Pinkie who she wants to be with. Let the mare decide for herself if Sandwich is worth it or not. Who knows? She might've been settling for some pony she wasn't really enthused about but that she felt was about as good as she could hope for."

"You're... speaking rather easily about a possible divorce." Twilight said, unsure how she felt about it now that it came to it. "I... well, I always thought that divorce wasn't a good option."

"Oh, and neither do I. Divorce is so messy and can make for such legal trouble. Division of goods, alimonies, and the technicalities of all the-"

"I'm not talking legally, Rarity." Twilight interrupted. "I'm talking emotionally. I'm talking about a certain filly who you seem to be ignoring. If I take Pinkie away from Cheese Sandwich, Lil' Cheese is going to be affected! I... I'm not sure if I could handle that sort of responsibility!" Twilight said in a hoarse whisper.

She could hardly believe that she was arguing against her own happiness, but there it was. She had somepony before her who was giving her the answers she wanted, but she was already fighting against it. Perhaps it was because it had been too easy, perhaps there was something in Twilight that made her reject the thought that she'd be stealing Pinkie away. Not a moment ago she would've jumped on a chance to justify taking Pinkie for herself, but now?

"Darling Darling Darling!" Rarity said with a haughty grin. "If Pinkie chooses you, then Lil' Cheese will doubtlessly follow shortly thereafter. Exchanging a father for a second mother." Rarity nodded at this, as if the thought of it was well in line with some imagined ideal. "You know, I've seen how you looked and interacted with Lil' Cheese. You love her - not in the way that would have you in jail, of course, but in the way that Pinkie already does.

"I can tell you love her like a daughter that you've never had. It's quite touching." Rarity continued, placing a hoof atop Twilight's. "I also know that you - much as most of the rest of us - have misgivings about Sandwich. I don't think anypony would blame us - the stallion is in Ponyville less time than you and he's married to a mare from here.

"You want my opinion? Save Pinkie from that stallion. He isn't worth Pinkie's time. I feel that to be the truth - and I have a suspicion that the same could be said for you." Rarity said, leaning back in her chair.

"Not to put too fine a point on it, dear," She said in a low voice, staring holes into Twilight's soul, "I think you hate the stallion. I have no confirmation of this, but I can comfort you in the knowledge that I grew to despise the stallion ever since the wedding. It almost feels as if he thinks 'marriage' and 'official groupie arrangement' are one in the same."

"But..."

"Darling, it's up to you." Rarity said before Twilight could counter anything. "I want Pinkie happy, and I want you happy. Both might be one in the same. It's up to you if you want to try your hoof at getting Pinkie for yourself or if you want to simply stand by and see what happens. Either way, it's your choice to make, Darling, and no pony is going to force you into one direction or the other."

Twilight paused, unsure what to say in response. Rarity had essentially done what Twilight had wanted, but it felt wrong. Somehow... somehow Twilight had gotten exactly what she wanted but now wasn't in the frame of mind to actually want to take advantage. She had a rationale to try and go after Pinkie now, but...

"Thank you, Rarity." She said finally, standing up. "You've given me a lot to think about." Twilight then tossed a few bits on the table for her drink and left to think about what the future held and what she wanted it to hold.

As Twilight left, Rarity sighed, swirling her dainty cup of tea in thought as she watched the mare walk away. "You were right," she muttered to herself, "you really can be so irritatingly moral at times, Twilight."