My little pony: friendship is fucked"
Chapter 3 "a cowmare ate my tongue"

Written by: Liam C.

"Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength."

𝙽𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚗 𝚟𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚗𝚊𝚖, 𝚓𝚊𝚗𝚞𝚊𝚛𝚢 30𝚝𝚑, 68'

𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚋𝚊𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚞𝚎 𝚌𝚒𝚝𝚢...

It was late in the day when the makeshift group I had gathered up had arrived in the hue. We weren't expecting the hellish firefights that would ensue. Thor and highway died in the first hour of the firefight with thor, dying first and highway receiving fatal wounds. Not many people in our group died on the first day. It was the second where the shit got fuckin' thick.

The dragon got both his legs blown the fuck off, Jap got a bullet to the throat and was killed when a swamp rat emptied an RPK-74 magazine into the poor bastard. Baby Huey got severely wounded by an RPG blast that blew the legs off of the dragon. Baby Huey was a big old black guy, he was our grenadier the guy told the funniest fuckin' stories and boy was the squad fucked after he died in mid 68' from septic shock, the eagle was another black guy he was a marine sniper, a big old black guy like Huey. He was a trap shooter when he was a kid growing up in Georgia so he was used to the heat, unlike my south Bronx ass.

The guy was charismatic some would say sociopathic but aren't most guys in the military like that after they've fought in a brutal conflict that they didn't want a part of for 9 years straight.

Anyways though, there weren't many casualties in our squad after that day. I had haft my left ear blown off along with almost my entire left cheek and temple leaving a big fucking scar, Charles had a fifty-caliber tear a chunk out of his upper arm even though it never hit him directly because if it did... He'd be a bonafide cripple, another marine had his entire lower arm, right cheek, both ass cheeks, facial hair, legs, and balls blown or burnt clean off by an RPG blast, the guy survived of course... For two days until he went into septic shock.

There were more in more casualties the battle was brutal and it was also the one I got captured in, I decided to take a shortcut to base. It was a simple left turn and we ended up getting captured by an entire regiment of NVA Zipperheads...

Needless to say... We got the shit end of the stick.

I remember this one officer put a handgun on the ground and slit a Marine throat and forced him to crawl towards it to be granted freedom... The guy reached it and had his arm broken by this cocksucking Chieu hoi, the guy then shot the marine execution-style.

All those fucking pieces of shit commies laughed their little pretty pink uppity asses off. The cong mocked him saying "oh, G.I can't get a gun?" Fucking assholes I took pleasure in killing them all and killing their entire families... I didn't care, didn't have it in me to feel anything at that point. This one lieutenant wanted me to laugh, so I told him "fuck you"...

Oh boy, oh fuckin' boy did I hear everything single swear in the book. This gook could rival hardass marine sergeant's when he got mad... He was a bull in a china shop...
He was the bull, and I was the china.

I got my left eye beaten into my fucking eye socket all while he yelled " WHY NO LAUGH!? WHY NO G.I LAUGH!?" He repeated it over, and over, again as he beat the holy, Motherfuck out of me. The fuckin' Chieu hoi was a vicious sumabitch, the guy's daddy was a brigade general in the NVA, asshole was known for being a cruel limp-dicked cocksucker...

And I was no exception. It got worse when I stupidly left the 'operative' patch that I made by hand and I left it in my pocket which caused them to ruthlessly interrogate me, granted they couldn't read it but They never saw it before which caused them to falsely believe that I was a special operative which I was but there was no proof at the time at least.

I knew... Then in there, that, I had to kill... I had to kill every last one of these Zipper headed cocksucking Chieu hoi ass gookers, them and their entire families filled with other swamp rats and Asian niggers like them. I had to get my fucking revenge on these godamn fucking, fucker fucks in the name of my friend who was cold-bloodedly killed by a couple of swamp rats and japs.

I was tortured daily, had a bit of ear cut off, had my already fucked up eye savagely gouged out, had a branding iron token to my testicles, had my fingers and toes broken repeatedly until they were no longer fixable, had my sideburns and scalp torn off my fucking head, had the words shitfuck burnt into my fucking freshly shaved scalp, and I had six teeth knocked out of my skull plus a concussion and severely broken nose that was oozing with blood.

They started to beat the shit out of my torso causing one of my lungs to near collapse plus some additional internal bleeding.

I got out of that shithole known as the "Hanoi Hilton" when this navy guy nicknamed the incredibly stupid one ironically did something that I couldn't pull. And that was being freed and using the song old mick Donald to remember over 60 names including mine.

I was freed along with a couple of others which included me, Charles, and the dragon. Dragon afterward walked off into the jungle alone after we got back to base. He left an envelope on the table and soon after someone saw a silhouette and the flash of a 45. Pistol, we never saw him again. It

Charles died a few years later presumed from an RPG I call the "rocket-propelled fuck you!"

Because that's the basic premise of the weapon to destroy tanks and medium/light fortifications. although I have seen several guys armed with the weapon easily level a heavily fortified building, it's highly unlikely. We never found Charles's body he was presumed M.I.A but we all agreed he was certainly K.I.A because he'd likely never survive in the jungle by himself.

"So applejack, that enough of a story for you? Or do still you wish to hear all of my horror stories to prove I am mentally fucked," I said.

"Ah'm so sorry Chris, Ah reckon ah hadn't an idea what ya went through in them jungles in yer world."

"It's quite alright, AJ it happened over haft a decade ago, so don't be all broken up about my sorry ass hehe," I said while chuckling darkly, I secretly chuckle at my misfortune mainly as a defensive mechanism to ignore the pain. Less I go insane!

"Don't ya be sayin' that now! Chris yer, not a sorry ass as ya say, ah reckon yer the nicest pony ah've ever meet. Especially with that horrible past of yers that'd be the template fer meanest rootin' tootin' bastard in all Equestria. So don't be a jackass and be sayin' things like that 'bout yerself darn it!" Applejack yelled at me with the fury and passion of a pissed-off USMC drill Sergeant.

"Jesus Christ, AJ you are as loud as a fuckin' drill Sergeant in the marine corp," I said

"Not that a green beret sarge can't give ya a nice through ass-chewing through the shark attack. Your rant was surely passionate, it was as passionate as the sergeants can get with calling you a fucking faggot when they get mad!" I said, yet again.

"Hold on there sally! firstly Ah, don't want ya yellin' them 'colorful' words of yers! Cus granny is gonna have mah flanks and applebloom might pick them up and start sayin' em." AJ said as she cleared her throat for another rant. 'Oh boy, oh boy! here we go Rant time!!'

"And secondly, Chris of course Ah'd be passionate about ya sayin' horrible things 'bout yerself! Ah care about ya, ya just saved me and mah family. Ya really didn't have to but darn me and my mama and papas grave ya did, then ya helped me when ah was at my lowest. Ah care 'bout ya and ah reckon ah'll be damned if ah will sit around on my flank while ya beat yerself up over something that happened long ago!" Applejack ranted as she tried to convince me to grow up from some gooker shit from five years ago.

" 'sigh' fuck me, fine applejack okay Ah'm sorry about that bullshit it happens every night but that one was especially bad," I said

"Did ah just hear ya use a southern accent?" Applejack cooed boning a shit-eating grin. "Screw off! I am not a hick! Im from south Bronx not the incest capital of Alabama darn it... Godamnit, SHIT!! Ah did it again." I said again, "And ya said it again partner! Bwahahaha" applejack started to laugh her ass off while I, for the first time in my life blushed. Yes, let's put that on the front page of a newspaper.

'Local hardass green beret blushes after sounding like a hick!' God, if that ever happened i'd feed myself a bullet for lunch.

Anyways applejack stopped laughing a couple of minutes later.

"Alright, i'll spill the beans, when my piece of shit uncle ate a little lead feed to him by let's just say 'someone who's in the bloodline' I had to move in with my grandma who was in far northern Georgia. Ironically im white as hell while my grandma's blacker than a block of blackened iron and she was as tough as it. My grandma had such a strong accent I had to have a friend in southern Atlanta come up there and translate her. After a while, Ah started to pick up memauhs strong southern accent mahself. She lived in an old ass plantation that was once run by a couple of coon ass racists before the union came over and liberated it and my family eventually took over and ran the place." I said as I cleared my throat,

"And what did ya and yer memauh grow in thuh plantation of yers?" Applejack asked,

"I and my memauh grew all sorts of them vegetables and fruits. From thuh them humble Tangerines and oranges. Ta onions, chilies, bell peppers, melons, cabbage, beans, corn, cucumbers, and other vegetables." I said in a somewhat southern accent.

"what in tarnation are oranges? Or Tangerines, cabbage, and what the hays a cucumber?" Applejack asked. I then preceded to explain what they all are, how to grow them, when to, where to go to get the seeds, how to store them etc.

"So for beans, ya grow em through May till Oct-" Applejack put a hoof up to my lips to shut me up. "In thuh name of Faust, just shut yer mouth fer one darn second... AH KNOW HOW TA GROW THEM DAMN BEANS CHRIS!!!" applejack yelled in my face, "okay, okay applejack jeez." I said, kinda offended by her shutting me up so quickly.

"Alright, Chris ah gotta go to bed it's 4 o'clock. sugarcube" applejack said to me.

"Yeah, whatever AJ," I said as she turned off the light leaving me there, cold and alone as I have been for the past 19 years.

I just sat there gazing upon the beautiful stars and moon and hummed an old song my mom sung to me when I was little and she was alive.

"The moon was yellow, and the night was young..." I hummed the song. My mom used to play it on an old record player from the 20s it's about the only thing I have left of them a record player, a song, and a photo.

I looked up at the sky and said.

"Please, please be up there mom and dad if your there please wait for me..." I said.
After I said those words that I fell into a deep sleep one that was unnatural, to say the least.

"Thou shall visit thy parents, someday human. Someday, thou shall go to our precious stars and see them once more." The voice said its voice as smooth as silk and as warm as the sun.

Dreams.

Dreams do not exist in my mind, they simply have no grounds and no positive memories to use to form said dreams. My mind's a blank canvas ready to be painted a canvas that could be painted if I knew bob ross or Vincent Vango. My mind a blank canvas that needs a painter to paint and a love to love. But alas, if it were only that simple then I would be a canvas with a beautiful paint job made by Mr.Ross, the mind is fragile being an entity that can be broken easily that a weak one-day-old baby could break said entity if it hits the right spot.

But this time there were dreams...

But, they quickly turned into nightmares. Every single horrible memory, every hit, every single pain, feeling, and sensory were overloaded and clocked out. I collapsed mentally and psychologically while everything I ever experienced came back to me.

The death of my grandmother to some coon ass dixies, my mother's suicide, my... My... M-my molestation w-when I was five.

me murdering twenty-seven guys after they raped and killed my little sister, the war, everything and everything.

The punches, the branding iron burns, the feeling of 7.62 rounds entering my fleshy body, hot burning shrapnel fresh from a grenade, nice warm buckshot and fletchets from a shotgun entering me, every song I listened to, like I said EVERYTHING came back to me it was extraordinarily painful.

And I just wanted to end already put a bullet in my skull, hit me with a grenade, smash my head in, whatever makes it all go away... Because the world would be better of if platoon sergeant Christopher white went hell where I belong, Once a devil dog, always a fuckin' devil dog.

We tried to give thy human dreams and we ended up giving thou nightmares, we entered thy mind only to hear, see, smell, and feel h-horrible things. R-rape, m-murder, theft, torture, and torment. Dear Faust t-thy mind is broken to bit bits, we hast seen a mind like this in 1792 years not since... Since the last one. Just remembering gorden's mind just breaks us.

Thou's mind was filled with battles from this 'Vietnam' a country we presume. The first nightmare was of this 'da nang' it was... I-it w-was, Faust they were only children barely past the age of a filly! Or colt! A-and thy creatures were just being slaughtered in the most gruesome of ways.

We saw a flying machine filled with twelve humans get destroyed by a flying metal tube as soon as it landed, we saw several humans get filled with crimson holes from these metal blocks with tubes on the end!

These humans were turned into what we could describe as s-swiss cheese and thy humans just continued killing each other for no reason.

Then another nightmare happened, we saw several humans in white robes and hoods with what we could see as red crosses painted on the front of their white hoods.

Thy humans were walking up to a house, a large plantation armed with familiar iron and wood sticks that we saw earlier in 'da lang', they also had bottles filled with some strong putrid-smelling liquid that had a makeshift fuse on top made with bedsheets or towels.

Thy humans were yelling all kinds of what we think were offensive words including this awful-sounding word, we think it was nig-er or 'nig-ger?' Whichever it was a word that didn't feel too well to say even though we don't know what it means!

These humans then went to enter the plantation armed with these iron and wood things they call guns, while the others then started to lit up and throw these glass bottles at crops and an old barn. The humans that went inside then came back out with another human who had darker skin, they then did horrible things that were so horrible that we shall not ever discuss.

We saw another human of the same skin color as the humans in white come outside of the house and try to save thy grandmother only for it to fail miserably. We saw thou run to a metal machine called a model 'B' and quote "drive it" the human inserted a key and turned it as the machine soon turned on and came straight down a trail at speeds even we have a hard time to believe.

More and more nightmares ensued ones about filly & colt abuse, filly molestation, more murder, worse and worse memories started to happen in thy human's mind.

We eventually had enough of this and ended it. "STOP THY DREAMS, WE COMMAND THEE TO HALT OR WE SHALL SMITE THEE WITH THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND MOONS!!!" We boomed loudly and with that everything halted.

My mind was breaking further and further until I heard a strange voice boom with anger, rage, and strangely compassion it almost soundly like a god. Almost.

"STOP THY DREAMS, WE COMMAND THEE TO HALT OR WE SHALL SMITE THEE WITH THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND MOONS!!!" The voice screamed and then a flash of white consumed me and everything went black.

"Art thou human alright?" The voice said, directing her attention towards me. When I opened my eyes I saw a horrific mythological monstrosity of a creature, I saw a unicorn/pegasus hybrid.

The creature was a dark blue pegacorn with a torn worn-out black cloak with a hood.

Then, What I assume to be mare had rusted light blue metal horseshoes on her hooves and a rusted dark blue painted helmet that protected her head with a hole drilled through to allow her horn to fit through.

The mare had a white crescent moon tattooed onto her flank, the tattoo had a black background with a few small white stars tattooed onto the background of the tat.

She looked very familiar but I couldn't put my finger on it, she also had an extremely worn-out appearance with dirty fur with bits of dirt and dust debris attached to her, she had an easily recognizable sulfuric smell to her and especially her hair which smelled like gasoline.

Her hair was messed up badly, she looked like a homeless crackhead with the bed head and the bloodshot eyes.

She saw that I wasn't responding and repeated herself but a fuckton louder "𝗔𝗥𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗨 𝗛𝗨𝗠𝗔𝗡 𝗔𝗟𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧?!?! 𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗨 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗣!!?!" She yelled as loud as she can.

"Alright, Im alright. Jesus christ learn how to be a bit quieter, chatterbox You damn near knocked my ass over." I said

"𝗣𝗥𝗔𝗬 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟, 𝗛𝗨𝗠𝗔𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗦𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗨 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗞𝗡𝗢𝗪 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗜𝗧𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗥𝗢𝗬𝗔𝗟 𝗖𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗟𝗢𝗧 𝗩𝗢𝗜𝗖𝗘, 𝗜𝗧 𝗜𝗦 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗗𝗜𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗔𝗟 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗥𝗢𝗬𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬 𝗧𝗢 𝗦𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗞 𝗟𝗜𝗞𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦!!!" The mare said, "Jesus christ your highness a fucking gunship is quieter than you, can you try to lower your voice, please." I said

"HUMAN, IS THIS LOW ENOUGH?!!?" The mare said, "A bit lower your fucking highness" I said to the chatterbox.

"HOW ABOUT NOW!?" The chatterbox said again, "lower," I said.

"Now?" The chatterbox said yet again,

"Yes, your fuckin' highness. Now please don't blow up my e-" She interrupted me again. "𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗡𝗞 𝗬𝗢𝗨, 𝗧𝗛𝗬 𝗛𝗨𝗠𝗔𝗡 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗪𝗘 𝗦𝗛𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗧𝗢 𝗨𝗦𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗥𝗢𝗬𝗔𝗟 𝗩𝗢𝗜𝗖𝗘 𝗔𝗚𝗔𝗜𝗡!!!!" The chatterbox said yelling in my ear.

"-eardrums..." I said finishing my sentence,
"Pray to tell human, what is thy name?" The chatterbox asked.

"My name is Christopher Jameson white your godamn highness," I said to the royal chatterbox. "Thou name is Chris? Our name is Luna, princess luna!" Luna said.

"Luna huh? Eh, that's... Not a bad name it's certainly unique. Besides the fact you have a moon tattooed to your ass" I replied,

"Chris, that 'tattoo' as you call it is our cutie mark. The moon is our's to control so it is only fitting that our cutie mark should be it." Luna said practically shoving the side of her ass cheek into my face,

"I... I, uh, I... um...?" I said, "What is wrong dear Chris? We are only showing thou who we are?" Luna said, but she eventually stopped giving me an uncensored view of her objects.

"Your ass is in my face," I said to luna "Oh, oh we see how this would be promiscuous and... Nevermind." Luna said.

"Anyways, your highness? How the hell are you able to communicate to me through my dreams and why do you have a horn and fucking wings?" I asked luna.

"Ah, so thy human art observant. See we are an alicorn a mix between an earth pony, unicorn, and Pegasus. We have the strength of an earth pony, the wings and flight of a pegasus, and the ability of magic that unicorns have but five times as strong and our magical potential is three times as strong. And as for our ability of communication through thy dreams, was an ability we honed throughout centuries on the moon." Luna said

"Luna, what do you mean centur-" I was stopped when she interrupted me, "Well, Chris it seems thou is waking up we hope thy the best," Luna said to me as she turned around. Before I could even respond to her everything went pitch black.

I woke up with the sun shining through the shitty little window causing me to nearly go blind. I pulled the blanket off me and got onto my feet so I could get dressed,
I walked to the old wardrobe behind the staircase and pulled some clothes out of it. an old yellowed and torn white T-shirt, dirty and worn blue jeans, old jungle boots, an old leather jacket, black socks, a leather belt with an m1911 pistol holster, and an old black eyepatch. The same stuff I was wearing before I came here, I got into the bathroom so I could get changed.

I looked at my right eye and remembered how It came to be beaten into its socket leaving it bloodshot and crimson red with dark blue and purple bruising with a green and brown colored outline.

The wound had a slight necrotic smell due to the significant lack of blow flow to that area, I put an oval-shaped cotton pad that I poured a little anti-hemorrhagic/microbial fluid onto it and covered my eye with it, and then I placed the eyepatch over it and then got dressed.

After a while, I left the bathroom and left the basement, and entered the actual house. I walked around the house for a while, just to make sure that they were safe. After making sure we were all safe I went into the kitchen and got out a shitload of things from the cabinets.

Eggs, cheddar cheese, red and green bell peppers, chilies, cloves, parsley, yellow onions, and tomatoes. I planned to try and make the type of omelets my grandma used to make. She called them a 'taste of Georgia' and boy did they taste like Georgia.

I minced up the vegetables into tiny pieces so I could mix them into the omelets. I took some tiny shreds of beef and pork to put in the middle of the omelet, It took a while but I managed to make a couple of omelets for me and the family.

𝒂 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔 𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓...

"Alright, applejack where are we heading?" I said as we were driving in my car, "Ah don't know how this darn thing is able ta move this fast. But like ah said before we're goin' to ponyville so ah can sell these apples" Applejack said.

"In my opinion, applejack you should branch off to other businesses like tomatoes, beans, onions, oranges, and other things." I said to applejack, "hold on there sally, firstly ah don't know how ta grow them Vegetables of yer's and secondly, we're doin' fine" Applejack said.

"Well I have some gardening tools and seeds in my car, and I know how to grow and take care of them. Plus, it will provide you other forms of revenue and you would have businesses that your competitors wouldn't have. So all and all it would be extremely beneficial and besides, you don't have to anything and I could do all the growing." I said, applejack just nodded likely not wanting to argue over this.

When we entered the town, it was a ghost town with everyone locked inside their houses. I parked my car right next to applejack's apple stand and got out of the car. I got my pistol and knife out of the glove box and placed them in their respective holsters.

"Are ya sure them weapons of yer's are necessary, Chris?" Applejack asked, "AJ I might need to defend myself so that's why I carry them for self-defense and not intimidation," I told AJ.

I and AJ started to take the apples out of the car and began to fill up the apple stand with apples for when ponies start to grow a pair and come out of their houses. After a couple of minutes, we managed to fill up the stand full of apples, but it was after this that I saw applejack with a terrified expression on her face as she stared behind me. I was confused at first until I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around.

Author's Note

And yes the last bit of dialogue is a reference to old school racist 'sundown towns'

Edit 5/25/21: sorry about the cringy shit, im still bad with it. Im basically trying to skim the chapters.