My little pony: Friendship is Fucked

My little pony: friendship is fucked
Chapter 4 "Living in the sunlight!"

Written by: Liam C.

"Im, not a smart guy, im a wiseguy"-some random wiseguy

"Who the fuck do you think you are pointing a crossbow at me motherfucka?" I said while standing to my full height which started to scare the shit out of everyone.

"Quiet, creature!!" The stallion said, "The fuck I will you godamn hickass cocksucker. How about I put you in the fuckin' ground?" I said

"Go fuck yourself!!, Guinea fuckass-" I interrupted him with a quick series of punches. One strong jab and two strong haymakers, Just like what I learned in high school boxing.

Now the guy was on his hind legs, I punched him with a haymaker right in the zipper. He was about to fall to the ground when I grabbed him by the throat and headbutted him which put him down for the count.

Everyone in the crowd was shocked and scared shitless considering I fucked their top guy's ass up. But there was one cyan blue pegasus mare with a rainbow tail and mane, with a rainbow and lightning bolt cutie mark. And she was pissed off and couldn't give any less of a shit about a 6'8 242 pound Vietnam war veteran from the green berets.

"HEY!!, ape creature! Just who do you think YOU are to come here and threaten us!?" The cyan mare said, oh boy I get to deal with some evil women. Black Sabbath was right, they either solicit you or cuss you out and steal everything you have. Fuck, women.

"Eh! And who the fuck do you are to get in my fuckin' face faggot pride flag buttnut!!" I said not caring that I said an offensive slur, I mean this bitch had the colors of the faggot flag on her mane, and tail.

"You're the buttnut, ape!!" The cyan mare said again, "You know you're quite cute when you're trying to be a bitch!!" I said calmly, everyone started to laugh and chuckle at it and the mare turned in the color of a chili pepper but with skin as smooth as bell pepper.

"Y-yeah, uh, I... Fuck you ape!!" The Rainbow bitch yelled in anger, "eh, look at this guy over here, she just learned her first swear." I said

”I think im gonna call you... Faggot tomato! Do you li-" I was interrupted when she kicked me right in the damn face.

"MY NAME IS NOT FAGGOT TOMATO!!! IT'S RAINBOW DASH!!! RAINBOW DASH, YOU APE!!!" rainbow dash said as she started to beat the shit outta me until I held her down and put a gun to her head.

"Look, fag tato! If you ever beat the shit outta me like that again or even try! I will FUCKING KILL YOU AND ANYONE WHOS EVER SEEN OR TALKED TO YOU!!!" I threatened and surprisingly I guess the mare knew i'd come after her parents and precious friends. Needless to say, she started to tear up a tiny bit and I let her go, she flew off as fast as she could which, involved breaking the fucking sound barrier 20 times over.

"Now if I was like the rest of you's I get the fuck outta here before I rip you's cocks off!" I yelled to the rest of them.

They all ran off as fast as they could, leaving just me and applejack there. Needless to say, AJ wanted to smash my fuckin' head in.

"What thuh hay was that!? Ya threatened a pony by threatening to commit mass murder!?!" Applejack yelled, "Eh, AJ it was an empty threat! I don't even know any other ponies besides fag tato!" I said, granted this didn't appease applejack.

"Look, Chris just leave me alone fer a while okay?" Applejack said, I just lowered my head and walked off away from her.

I walked around the town for a while just thinking about life. ' Why couldn't I just have died in Vietnam? The world would be better off ' I thought in my head.

' Thy human shall hast from saying such things about thyself ' Luna said, "What? Wait... Luna? Where the hell are you?" I said out loud hoping nobody heard me. Although a certain purple unicorn several hundred yards away somehow heard me.

' We are in thy mind, Chris and we recommend that you hast from speaking our name in public.' Luna said telepathically. ' Oh shit, I uh, hopefully, don't sound crazy do I? ' I said mentally.

"Fear not, Chris for what was our subjects have perished and those who are left have long forgotten about us. But we fear that our sister may hear." luna told me telepathically, "wait, who's your sister? And how the hell can you communicate with me telepathically?" I asked her.

"Human, our sister is Tia but we must say thy should hast from saying that. Instead call her Princess Celestia, less you want thy flank whooped. And as for the magic, we have mastered the art of psychological magic for use on ponies." Luna answered, "heh, so I guess you could indulge in a bit of psychological warfare every once and a while?" I said

"Indeed, Chris we have indulged in what thouest call 'psychological warfare' from time to time. And what that thouest know about the subject?" Luna asked and answered, "Well I was a green beret in
special forces." I answered,

"And what do these special forces have to do with psychological warfare?" Luna asked with surprising suspicion, she probably thought I was a liar can't blame her though I am making pretty bold but technically truthful claims of being a special forces guy.

"Well for starts we did recon but that wasn't our main objective, the name was designed to be boring to fuck with the enemy. We are basically a highly trained small task force who embarked on borderline suicide missions that were so vital that normal army guys or marines would lack the experience or skill to do. Like sabotaging munition, governments, weaponry, bribing rival warlords, guarding high-value targets, sometimes working with CIA agents on assassinating enemy VIPs, etc. And we Have done psychological and guerrilla warfare, operation ranch hand, operation rolling thunder, and operation wandering soul." I said

"And what is this, operation wandering soul you speak of? We assume it is psychological warfare yes?" Luna asked,

"Well yes, you see, luna the Vietnamese believed that if a gook died, they had to be transported back to their home country or land to be buried. less they wanderer the earth forever in pain and agony, So we devised a plan to exploit this fear using a tape with haunting 'ghost' sounds on it and use an elaborate system of loudspeakers that would be set up with help from green berets, marines, UDT, army, seal's, rangers, and whatever guys that could help which were mainly marines considering they were the main fighting force in Vietnam." I said.

"What is this 'marine' and 'UDT' thou speakest of?" Luna asked, "Marines are a more diverse and jack of all trades but master of none kind of force. They are marksmen with semi-aquatic more amphibious assault force with the masses capable of fledging a massive siegh and able to survive in some of the worst environments from the Siberian permafrost to the dry arid deserts of the middle east, and back to the hot humid disease-ridden clutterfuck of a jungle." I replied

"And what about this UDT that thy mentioned?" Luna asked again, "UDT stands for underwater demolition team, they trace their roots back to ww2. We call 'em frogmen, their objective is to do underwater demolitions, combat, sabotage, and intelligence gathering that are aquatic." I said

"Frogman? Are thy UDT mutants?" Luna asked while I laughed my ass off mentally considering I didn't want to look insane. "𝗪𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗗𝗢𝗘𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗬 𝗛𝗨𝗠𝗔𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗞 𝗜𝗦 𝗦𝗢 𝗙𝗨𝗡𝗡𝗬 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗨 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗𝗧𝗛 𝗟𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗛!!?" Luna screamed at me mentally.

"Woah, Jesus Christ, luna calm the hell down. I was just laughing at how you thought frogmen were mutants. We call them frogman because they were dark green camouflage fatigues. They're not mutants." I said.

"Chris, We needth to leave thou for our sister's pupil is walking to thy human, with curious intent. Farewell, thy human for we bid thee great fortune, as for it may smile at your future endeavors" Luna told me as she left me there alone, again. Well alone beside's the annoying purple unicorn.

I felt a slight nudge on my leg, I turned around to see a lavender unicorn with purple hair that had a blue trip through it. She had a sparkling light purple star that was surrounded by stars in a way that was so thorough that it reminded me of a fucking VC ambush.

"What in the name of Celestia is a... hairless ape doing here?" The unicorn said, I quickly noticed how she had a purple and green lizard... Or dragon? Dragon I think, yeah she had a purple and green dragon on her back as well who was, currently sitting on top of a pile of books.

Though unfortunately, the drake brought up memories of the Asian saltwater crocodiles that maimed many a SOG member. I was in the middle of a stare that could be seen two thousand yards away when the unicorn nudged me again

God, do I wish these ponies could just wear some fucking clothes so I don't have to clear see full pussy or cock and balls on display every time I end up looking at their asses, unintentionally of course.

The unicorn who I assumed was a mare due to the facial features, voice, and body language was wearing two leather saddlebags on each side of her... Flanks.

"Uughh!! I can NEVER just find an intelligent species always stupid apes or GRIFFINS!! UGH!" The unicorn said in frustration.

"Who the fuck are you callin' an ape, unicorn?" I asked the unicorn. "Wait, you can talk!?" The unicorn asked as she was surprised.

"Yeah I talk, what's it to you's?" I said, "But, you can't use proper grammar can you?" The lavender mare asked me.

"No, I can very well use proper grammar, unicorn, I just have a fuckin' accent that's all," I stated proudly. "Firstly, uh...?"

"It's Chris, buttnut," I said. "Riiight... Chris, Firstly my name is not unicorn it's twilight sparkle. And secondly, I have to go and do things so... Goodbye, now" Twilight sparkle said awkwardly as she tried to leave.

"Wait, a minute. Twilight! What if he, you are a right?" The dragon asked, I nodded my head. "Well, what if he comes with us. I mean he is a new creature and something to study, and he looks kinda like a dragon." The dragon asked twilight.

"Spike! We already talked about this! I don't want you hanging out with... 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙢 and he's a strange new creature he could be... Dangerous!" Twilight said, "Do I detect racism?" I said smugly.

"Quiet, ape! The adult- ponies, the ponies are talking," twilight said to me, "Hey! I AM an adult! Im fucking 29 years old!! Motherfucker." I said whispering the last part.

"Twenty-nine!? Im only just nineteen!!" Twilight said shocked that I am ten years older than her, "Oh come on twi! he's not dangerous! If he was he would have hurt us by now!" Spike said

"Spike! No means no, I mean just look at him! He wears an eyepatch. And who wheres eyepatches... Pirates wear eyepatches!!!" Twilight said. "Twi, what does his build gotta do with anything! Who knows why wears an eyepatch. He might like a pirate movie or made he's injured!" Spike tried to reason with Ms. Racist bitch.

"Woah, did someone wearing a godamn eyepatch shit in your coffee and piss in your cereal?" I said but the unicorn ignored me as she was arguing with the drake.

"Or, maybe he's a dirty theft who wears it to hid his facial features to scare people!!" Twilight said, "OKAY ENOUGH!!! You want to see my fucking eye then fine Ms. bitch!! There see! See why I wear it." I said, taking the eyepatch off.

The eyepatch was designed to cover a horrific bloody and necrotic hole that was a sickly green and reddish-brown.

You could see the severed optic nerve and there was even a smashed-up larva egg that I tried to pull out one time and ended up breaking it open. You also could see dead greenish flesh that was around the socket itself which was torn up enough from a grenade blast that it exposed my skull.

There was an eyeball inside the wound but, it was almost completely decomposed and was pushed back deep into my skull. The eye was smooshed on top of the optic nerve. For those who don't know your optic nerve looks like a wide copper wire that's been pushed back into your skull, there was also a hole in my cheek just below the wound it was from a shrapnel bomb. Granted the wound on my cheek had a skin graph covering it.

My right ear was nearly amputated with the haft of it missing with a long scar that showed the 4th-degree burn I received from the hot shrapnel and gunpowder residue. Even a skin graph couldn't completely hide the wound but it tried and ultimately failed, leaving my face haft skull fucked. My jacket sleeve was covering a set of deep, major shrapnel wounds in the form of deep lacerations with a few small bits of metal still stuck in the wound, I had it covered with a layer of gauze but still.

"O-oh m-my, dear c-Celestia what happened t-to your face a-and dear faust your EYE!!!" Twilight asked,

"Yeah! Got this one from a ravenous gook who decided that it would be funny to brutally beat in my eye and then gouge it out with a bayonet. And the burns and lacerations were from friendly fire!" I yelled

"See twilight he's not dangerous, he's just... Hurt. So can he come with us now twilight?" Spike asked, "Ugh... Fine. He can come with us spike." Twilight said, granted I did not want to come along but I realized the drake was damn persistent and I had nothing else to do so I traveled along with them.

I, twilight, and spike then visited another unicorn mare named rarity. I wasn't exactly in the mood for a fuckin' fashion critic but I kept my mouth shut like a good jarhead.

"So, uh, Chris are you sure you want to go into rarity's shop looking like that?" Twilight asked, "what? Like I give a shit what some fashion critic thinks of me? Why do you think I didn't want surgery on my eye hole? Because I can usually get hippies to fuck off with the wound, and I can get fashionistas to run like the wind." I said to twilight who just shrugged.

"Okay then that's your choice, Chris," twi said as we entered the rarity's boutique.

I swear once Spike saw rarity he damn near got a hard-on. And I could hear sh-boom playing off this mare, though she probably heard fucking N.I.B coming off of me as she nearly vomited and I nearly blushed as I forgot to put my eye patch on.

"Twilight, darling what is that horrid! Beastly beast following you! And his face! Dear heavens no!" Rarity said, "Well shit, is that how shitcocks from canterlot greet people who've had part of their face blown off due to war? Or maybe I am just lucky?" I said

"What it can talk?! And darling what happened to your hair!? Good heavens and is that what you vile creatures call pants and dress jackets?!" Rarity practically yelled at me, "Well fuck then, I should have instead worn the red and white tropical flower clown shirt my friend got me in high school!" I yelled back to the fashionista, "Chris, rarity! Stop yelling please!" Twilight asked

"Alright, I'm sorry!! I APOLOGIZE!! Jesus Christ," I said sarcastically to twilight.

"And I am sorry too, darling. But what you are wearing is simply a crime against fashion! And I can't have that now can I?" Rarity said, "And what do you purpose then, Rarity?" I asked.

"Well darling, come to my shop in canterlot tomorrow and I'll take some measurements. I do hope that is alright with you?" Rarity asked, now granted If she was as beautiful as she is now but in human form then I would jump on the chance. But there seems to be an aura coming off her that makes me not want to do this.

But hesitantly, I agree with her offer. Because it probably was one I couldn't refuse. "Excellent darling, can't wait to see you then!" Rarity said as twilight motioned me to follow her back outside.

Next, Twilight needed to talk to applejack about supplying food for the summer sun celebration or something like that. I walked with them as I told them the direction to applejack's stand, "Twi, it should be right over there," I told twilight.

"Yeah see, there she is! AJ over here!" I yelled to AJ, "What the hay!? Ah thought I told ya to leave me alone fer a while? And what happened to that." Applejack yelled back.

"Hey don't get pissed off at me! Twilight's the one who needs to talk to you not me!" I yelled back, "Who in the hay is twilight?" Applejack said.

"Well miss applejack, that would be me," Twilight said strangely, "Oh, ya scared the bejesus outta me! Uh, what can ah do fee ya?" Applejack said to Twilight.

I didn't pay any mind to listen to them as I just sat inside my car listening to California' dreamin' and study an old photo of me and my grandmother.

'All the leaves are brown, and the sky is gray. I've been for a walk on a winter's day..." I hummed to myself quietly,

'Is thou human having problems making friends? Because we can fix that' luna told me for What I assumed to be mentally until I turned around and almost shit myself.

"Woah, JESUS!" I said in a pretty loud manner, "Hehe, oh and did we scare Thou, does thy human needth to have a boobo kissed?" Luna said sarcastically while laughing the whole time.

"And for the record, Luna. I do not need these naive fucks as friends, because I have you. And your enough as it is." I said, "Thy human, considers we as friends?" Luna asked me.

"In a way, yes," I said. "Huzzah!! We and I thank thy human for considering us as friends! We haven't had any in over 1000 years!" Luna yelled at the top of her lungs, somehow NOT alerting the trio over there.

"Luna, please be quiet. For fuck sakes!" I asked luna, politely. "We shall obey thy humans command and be quiet, but only this one time," Luna said.

"Okay, thank you luna," I said. "Your welcome thy human! But we must go now. Twilight sparkle is nearing." Luna whispered to me and then vanished into the form of a cat and ran off.

"Chris!! We have to go! Are you coming or what!?" Twilight yelled to me, "Yeah, Im comin' damnit!!" I said.

"Well hurry up!" Twilight demanded.

I, twilight, and spike began walking around town as she was preparing for the summer sun celebration apparently, whatever that is. We were looking for a bright pink 'party' mare by the name of pinkie pie.

I didn't give a shit about what they were doing as I just sat on an old as a bench and smoked some Marlboro cigarettes.

"Oh... Suzie Q baby I love you, Suzie Q..." I sang to myself with a cigarette in my mouth. CCR, what a great fuckin' band

"Oh Suzie Q... Oh Suzie Q... I like the way you talk, like the way you fuckin' talk. Oh Suzie Q." I continued singing to myself the same lyrics considering I didn't remember the lyrics that well. I looked over and didn't see a pink mare, I instead saw twilight talking to a butter yellow Pegasus with a pink mane.

"Great, another hard-headed fuckin' grease ball," I said to myself. I continued to stare at them, watching their conversation unfold. That was until the Pegasus saw me and started to make a beeline towards my position.

"Well here comes another ass chewing, lets see if I'll have to become dirty harry again." I said to myself, "oh my, you can talk" I heard a shy feminine voice say as I jumped and damn near pulled a gun out on her.

"Oh, I-im sorry I-I didn't mean to scare you." The Pegasus said awkwardly. "Fuckin' shit, you scared the fuck out of me!" I said a bit loudly, which caused the mare to hide behind her mane. Well like Tiny Tim said, people are strange and I guess that goes with ponies as well.

"A real gentleman aren't you, Chris," Twilight said sarcastically

"Twilight! I fought in a fucking war where people were trying to stab, maim, or blow my ass up with bombs made of motherfucking tin cans and fuckin' bamboo sharpened into a spear with shit or venom smeared on the end to cause infection, and then placed into the ground via a six feet deep hole that was covered with a loose and not sturdy wooden board layered with camouflage. So don't expect me to not be fucking jumpy!" I yelled a bit at twilight, "Oh, oh my I didn't know you were in the military" the Pegasus said.

"Yeah well, it wasn't no picnic I tell ya! Whatever your military says it does like 'providing humanitarian aid!' Or 'oh well we educate the poor' is a crock of shit. The military's goal is to fucking kill and maim the enemy in the most brutal fashion possible! Chemical warfare, guerrilla warfare, psychological warfare, explosives, traps, shrapnel bombs, etc." I said,

"Isn't there any rules for that stuff?!" Twilight asked,

"Yeah but The Geneva Convention can suck my rock-hard cock. It's a poorly enforced system of rules that tries to polish the big ol' mean shit that is 'war' and it fails miserably at it! Take the my lai massacre, for example, I was there when a couple of squads of marines and army guys, went into a village and raped and murdered a shitload of gooks. So many that I couldn't count! It took a UH-1 Huey helicopter armed with two m60 light machine guns to get the fuckers to stop trying to become the Southeast Asian version of Genghis khan!" I ranted.

"The Geneva Convention doesn't do shit but make war a lot longer, more costly, more fucked, and does not punish the lunatics who murdered so many women, children, elderly, mentally retarded, crippled, sick, and injured. They even used retards in nam' as fuckin' cannon fodder because America was 'Soo hard on fucking men,' so fuckin' desperate apparently because people were giving them the middle finger by dodging their fucking stupid ass draft that did nothing but imprison the outspoken people who weren't going to sign away their fucking freedoms!" I ranted further.

"Okay then, heh." Twilight said, "O-oh, my I-I, how c-could t-they do that??" The Pegasus asked.

"I don't fucking know! Marines just get a bit fuckly when god forbid their friend dies! Time to commit mass fucking murder and rape!! Okay, THAT, does not count for the good marines but theirs at least one 'my lai' a day. And granted not all army guys are innocent nor are all snake eaters or me! Granted I've never 'raped' anyone but still, it's not all marines... It's tiger forces fault." I stated to the two mares who were now disgusted.

"I KNEW, YOU ARE A MONSTER!!!" a very familiar cyan Pegasus mare came from a fucking bush. "Wow, what a stealthy mare," I said sarcastically.

"Well, I AM the one AND only rainbow dash!" Rainbow dash said pridefully.

"yeah SO stealthy that your breathing could be heard from here, your using an unmatching camo, you left your OWN fucking hoof prints on full display towards the bush and you continuously moved around in the bush making super loud noises," I said. "Well, whatever I knew you were a BLOODTHIRSTY MONSTER!!" Rainbow dash said proudly.

"Uhh... Rainbow dash? You know he wasn't talking about himself... Right?" Twilight said, "Well, I, uh... Then his MARINES are bloody thirsty. Yep, his friend's ar-" rainbow dash was interrupted by me.

I grabbed tato fag by the throat threw her into the park bench before she could even finish accusing my dead friends.

"Look Ms. Faggot pride flag!!! MY FRIENDS ARE FUCKING DEAD, DEAD, DEAD, DEADY, DEAD, AND DEAD. THEY ARE MOTHERFUCKING DEAD!!!" I yelled in her face

"IF YOU EVER FUCKING DARE, AND I MEAN FUCKING DARE!!! CALL MY DEAD FRIENDS BLOODY THIRSTY AGAIN, WHO WERE FORCED BY THEIR OWN DAMNED COUNTRY TO FIGHT AND DIE FOR NOTHING BUT A SHIT ASS WALL. I WILL FUCKING SLIT YOUR THROAT, CHOP UP YOUR CORPSE, PISS ON IT, GET DRUNK PISS ON IT AGAIN, THEN I WILL FEED YOUR CORPSE TO FUCKING PIGS!!!" I yelled on the top of my lungs, going all sergeant major on her. I beat the shit out of her a bit and then let her go.

"NOW GET YOUR FAGGOT O' PADDY ASS WASTE OF FUCKING LIFE OUT OF MY GODAMN FACE BEFORE I STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH. YOU FUCKING GAY TOMATO!!! RIGHT, THE FUCK NOW!!!" I yelled again, I swear I could see her near piss herself as she flew off as fast as she could. I could even hear her crying her eyes out, probably thinking what being raped or hacked to death by a nearly batshit green beret will feel like.

Now everyone was scared shitless, the butter pegasus flew off as fast as she could, Twi teleported out of there, and everyone was looking at me with awe, fear, and shit yourself, terror.

"Can all of you just... LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE PLEASE!!!" I snapped at everyone who ran off in all directions.

Only applejack was left and she was almost crying out of either fear or sympathy. Probably terror because now I know, who fucking cares about me? Nobody because everyone who did died a painful death where they are now forgotten.

"W-what d-di-did y-y-ya do, c-chr-is?" Applejack asked, "You know what AJ? Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck your pony species and friends!! Fuck your friendship! Fuck your hickass family! Fuck you sun, fuck your Princess!! THAT'S RIGHT FUCK YO PRINCESS, FUCK YOUR SPECIES, FUCK ALL YOU ASSHOLES... CUS IM MOVING IN WITH THE GRIFFINS!!!" I yelled as loud as I could, not caring that some certain unicorn could still see and hear me.

"AJ, go fuck yourself!!! I am moving with the griffons! Who knows hehe maybe I'll finally die!! But who the fuck am I kidding if a fucking war can't kill me then a bird can't! I yelled at AJ, who was now sobbing. Every stallion was looking at me with anger but I got the pussies to fuck off with a quick 'I'm gonna kill and rape yo ass' look.

"P-please... No Chris-" I shushed applejack,

"Why not? I and the griffins have something in common after all!! Our species are apex predators! We are self-centered and rapey! We care little for others! We kill for fun and no reason! We raid and conquer other species, other people for no fuckin' reason! So just leave me be applejack!!" I yelled in her face, as I began walking to my car I felt pain in my heart as I heard her sob but I ignored it.

It was nighttime, I was balling down the road at high speeds about 109 miles per hour. I had recently packed my things earlier that day, I was going to a place that twilight told me about... Griffenstone.

Surprisingly, I was able to get luna to show herself for real. Is in reality and not my dreams or brain, and she gave me quite the ass chewing.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEE!?!? TELLING A MARE TO 'FUCK HERSELF'!? HAS THY HUMAN GONE MAD!!?!" Luna yelled in my ear almost making me crash. And then sabbath bloody sabbath came on by...
you guessed it black sabbath.

"Damnit luna!! Your gonna make me crash and end up killing us both! Look I'm sorry but most of my fucking experiences so far have been negative! Then I would have had to deal with faggot tomato back there disgracing every single friend I've ever made as savages!!" I yelled back

"Thy human should learn better than to threaten a mare!!! Regardless I am not defending HER action- WHAT IS THIS? THIS LOUD, AND VILE TRASH!?! WHOEVER MADE THIS SONG SHALL FACE THE WRATH OF A THOUSAND MOONS!!!" luna yelled at the radio, which was playing black sabbath.

'Sabbath bloody Sabbath... Living is for dying... Dying is for you, yeah!' The radio announced

"Luna it's called black sabbath! Jesus Christ, calm the fuck down! Ozzy, tony, geezer, and bill are in Birmingham, jackass. So I doubt you'll be able to curse them with your 'wwraath' ooohhh so scar- Ow what the hell Lulu!?" I said as luna bit my arm, "That is for disgracing our moon!! You ungrateful welt!" Luna said with haft the volume of the royal canterlot voice.

"Luna relax, here I'll play something else! Jesus Chris, there its the song in the year 2525 by Zager and Evans! Happy now? So can you please try not to fucking terrorize Ozzy Osbourne and the gang over a fucking song!?" I said, "We cannot completely agree with thy commands!" Luna said trying to piss me off.

"Besides, It shall be humorous to see the look on those junkies' faces when we give them a night thy humans shall never forget no matter how much of this 'marijuana' they take!!" Luna said, while evilly smirking.

"Dear God, I summoned a devil. God have mercy on his soul." I said to myself as I continued driving.

I and luna finally arrived at griffenstone, and griffenstone was a major city, it wasn't the dinky ass town you expected. It was an elaborate urban area with bars, some strip clubs, a handful of casinos, it was the griffen equivalent of las vegas, well in the more internal parts of the city. The outskirts were less lively and were more sub-urban where it was a level below an urban city.

There was an old bar called the "free bird" ironic considering that this town was made and ran by griffens.

I gave luna a little broad machete and I had shown her earlier how to use a colt handgun in case she got into deep shit. She was hesitant at first due to the handgun size and her pride in the good old fashion curb stomp.

But she finally gave up when she realized that she might get into a serious situation, and considering it'd be for the best to hid her alicorn wings she only had magic, which could be reported to Equestria if someone saw a long-horned unicorn with a larger feminine body use extremely powerful magic. Plus the fact she uses old equestrian or as I know it as old English, though she shot that down quickly.

"Alright luna, Im going to get a couple of weapons real quick. And please put your hood up for the love of God." I said as I quickly ran to the car.

I opened the trunk and filled up a duffle bag full of bits, ammunition, a couple of guns which includes an AK-74SU, M79 sawed-off grenade launcher, a dozen frags, an m16 with an m203 under-barrel grenade launcher, and I stuffed two MAC-10 machine pistols into modified dual chest holsters.

I also grabbed a pair of brass knuckles, my beret in case I need to give someone a heads up not to fuck with me, Marlboro cigarettes, and my wallet.

I lit a cigarette and put it into my mouth and smoked as I walked back to luna who was standing there waiting patiently for me.

"What took thy human so long?" Luna asked, "Nothing just arming myself with a mini arsenal." I said

Luna chuckled and then responded, "Alright, now Chris does Thou know thy way?" Luna asked, "I always do Lulu, now let's get something to drink!" I said. And with that, I and luna entered the bar, currently oblivious to a guy who was spying on both of us.

"Oh wait until the princess hears about this! Haha, gonna get a raise maybe a promotion!" A stranger in a cloak said.

as he was trying to leave, a human with a certain British origin grabbed him and held a knife to his throat.

"Oi, yer not goin' any were ya bloody wanka," the man said as he plunged the knife into the stallion's throat, causing him to choke to death on his own blood.

"And yer bloat ass is certainly not tellin' on anyone. Especially not an old pal like me lad Chris!" The man said as he pulled the knife back out and allowed the rain to clean off the knife as he then placed it back into its respective holster.

"Time to visit me old pal and me old devil dog friend from my holiday in Cambodia," The man said as he followed the pair into the bar.

"So lulu, how did ya originally meet star swirl?" I asked luna, "Well we met thy great starswirl the bearded thousands of moons ago, so many that even we hast recall such a long time ago. But he was our mentor and the mentor to our sister, see thou human. Before I and our sister were tasked with raising the sun and moon, that was the task of many unicorns. It was a costly effort that inevitably drained all their magic completely, and they were running out of unicorns." Luna said.

"And what was starswirls great plan?" I asked while sipping a rum and coke I made with a haft bottle of Coca-Cola I had in the car from weeks ago when I was still on earth and some rum from cold brew the barkeep.

"Well, thy human. Before we and Tia became thou knoweth, we were a Pegasus and tia was a unicorn. So in a way, tia is much more inept at magic than we are, and we are more inept at flying the tia is. Eventually one day we found an amulet in the woods, a red and black amulet with an alicorn built into it. We played around with it for a while until we ended up being blasted with a powerful blast of magic the needth to be a mix of a unicorn's, a Pegasai, and an earth pony's magic. Said blast turned us into..." Luna said

"Alicorns, it turned you two into alicorns," I said. "Yes, human but thy needth to stay quiet less they hear," luna said slightly aggravated at my quote 'carelessness'.

"Relax, these guys are drunken fucks! They's most like forget 'bout it, and if they decided to squell I'll give the fuck or fucks a taste of lead," I said boldly. "We hope thou is right about this," Luna said

"Hey, lulu forget 'bout it! I have shit taken care of in case any of these fucks rats or if any pony fucks with us. I have it covered!" I said, "Oi lad, then why did I just have to shank some right bastard who was gonna rat on you two?" A British voice said behind me.

"Uh, Chris, there is another human behind thou!" Luna said as she got herself in a defensive position, "yeah, who's ever behind me can go fuck the-" I stopped myself as I turned around to see a familiar figure.

"I-I thought y-you were dead?" I said shakily