Where Is My Mind?

I have no idea where I am.

When I woke up this morning, I had imagined that it would be a perfectly average day.  I would wake up, jump in the shower, eat breakfast and go to work.  It may seem like a somewhat monotonous schedule, but unlike my roommate Lyra, I enjoy having a routine to stick to in the morning.

When I woke up this morning, I expected that the first thing that I would see was a collage of photographs of my family back in Manehattan, staring back at me with bright and cheery smiles, reminding me of innocent times when I did not have to work for a living.

When I woke up this morning, I believed that I would smell the sweet scent of cinnamon buns that Lyra had promised to reheat for breakfast this morning.  All night the scent of the warm, steamy breakfast food had been running through my head, reminding me of what was coming my way once I turned off my alarm and got out of bed.  After all, it wasn't very often that Lyra and I had leftovers from Sugarcube Corner.

Unfortunately, I was not as lucky as I had hoped I would be.

I woke up and the first thing I saw was myself, still fast asleep on my bed curled up in my quilt with a smile on my face.  My first thought was that I was dreaming, it couldn't have possibly be anything else right?

Right?

I poked myself with my hoof as I stared down at the sleeping version of myself, and felt no pain.  A dream, just as I had expected.

That was a sigh of relief, for a moment there I thought that I had died.  This was probably just a very realistic dream, it must have had something to do with the dinner Lyra made last night.  If I remember this dream when I wake up, I need to make a mental reminder to never let her cook again.

I couldn't smell anything and anytime I tried to latch on to anything in the room I fell right through it.  I haven't even been awake for five minutes and I already knew that today was not at all what I had imagined it would be.

Several minutes passed, or so my clock claimed, and I started to get restless. I wasn't entirely sure what one does while they are stuck in a dream.  If I was Lyra or any of my other friends, perhaps I would have already gone out into Ponyville to see what kind of havoc I could pull before I woke up.

That's not who I am though, so instead I tried to wake myself up.  I tried poking my body, hitting it, kicking it, trying anything I possibly could to wake myself up.

Nothing happened, I just passed through my body as if I wasn't even there.

I groaned in annoyance and started floating around my room.  I came back to the idea of trying to go outside and check out what my dream version of Ponyville looked like, but whenever I got close to a window I was pulled back towards my bed by some invisible force.

When the alarm finally started ringing, I grinned.  This had to be it, the end of this annoying dream.  In a moment, my eyes would open up and I would see that collage, smell that breakfast, and get on with my schedule.  I looked on as my body started to stir, but even as my body sat up in bed, I was still floating above my bed.

Was I dead?  Was I still asleep and just experiencing a vivid dream?  I was really hoping that it was the latter of the two, the former must have meant that there was something wrong with me when I went to bed.  I rack my brain trying to recall what had happened before I went to bed, but all I remember is joking around with Lyra over the dinner she had attempted to make a few hours ago.

If I was dead, I was more than ready to blame it all on Lyra's cooking, but I knew that wasn't the case.  I feel like I would know if I was dead.  I wasn't one to live in denial, and I knew that I hadn't been sick or hurt before I went to bed.  Just the other day, I had visited the local doctor and was given a clean bill of health.  Things like that don't always just change overnight.

“Bon Bon!  Get your butt out of bed!  I reheated those cinnamon buns!”  Lyra's voice rang out through the hallway.

“Of course today would be the one day that she was awake before I was,” I sighed.

“Jeeze Bon Bon!  I know it's a Saturday, but it's not like you to sleep this late!”  Lyra said as she walked into my room.

I waved my arms rapidly trying to get her attention, this was probably all in my mind.  It was the only other logical explanation for it, I am probably standing on the ground waving my arms just imagining I'm flying for some odd reason.  Lyra can probably see me clearly and is waiting for the right moment to burst out laughing and admit to me how silly I look.  We would share a laugh about it over breakfast and by the middle of the day it would be forgotten.

“Lyra it's me!  Can you see me?”  I called out, she didn't answer, of course it wouldn't be like that.  That would be too easy.

Instead I looked down at my body, which was rubbing its eyes to get the sleep out of it.  Lyra walked over to the edge of the bed, got up on her hind legs and pulled my cover off of my body.  My body responded by instantly throwing a pillow at Lyra.  At first Lyra was surprised by the ambush, but quickly recovered by laughing, and my body joined in on the laughter.

I was still not in my body, and I would take my body being up and moving to mean that I am not dead.  I decided to go back to my first interpretation.  This is just a dream.

A very vivid dream.

My body and Lyra laughed hysterically as if they were in on an inside joke that I didn't understand.  I wanted desperately to be a part of that.  I had to get out of this dream that I was stuck in, it has done nothing so far except bore me and remind me of my school days.

My body got out of bed and followed Lyra to the kitchen, entirely ignoring the unmade bed I... she?  It?  Had left behind.  I frowned, dream or not I refused to let that thing leave my bed a mess like that.  I tried to float over to it, but every inch towards the bed I got, it became increasingly harder to move.

I moved against the force that tried to push me backwards, gritting my teeth.  Since when was making a bed this difficult?  I knew my dream world was somewhat off kilter from reality, but this was insane.  All I wanted to do was make my bed!

I attempted to take another step further, but instead of reaching the quilt that had been carelessly tossed about by the fake me I was catapulted backwards.  I closed my eyes, fearing the worst, after all the walls have proved themselves to be pretty solid.  Lyra and I learned that after Berry Punch got in a fight with a poster during our housewarming party.

She ended up in the Ponyville hospital for breaking her foreleg.  It was not a pretty sight.

I assumed even if this was a dream, it would at least be mildly uncomfortable for my dream self.  So, I braced myself for a similar fate, instead I disappeared through the wall and reappeared in the hallway outside my room in little more than the blink of an eye.

Being pulled by this invisible force continued until I was once again hovering above my body and no matter how much I forced myself to try and walk away from it all, something wasn't letting me.

“Bon Bon, what do you think of going into the market today?  Our cabinets are kinda bare,” Lyra said as she chewed on a cinnamon bun loudly.  I couldn't help but roll my eyes at my roommate, she had a bit of a habit of talking while she ate, Lyra was always apologetic when I pointed it out to her, but it had always been a pet peeve of mine.

The fake me didn't seem fazed in the slightest.

“Sounds great!  I could definitely use some fresh air,” she nodded enthusiastically.

“Cool, I bet if we're really nice to Carrot, she'll give us a free smoothie,” Lyra beamed, the fake Bon Bon laughed, I just rolled my eyes.  I had never had a dream like this before and I was starting to wonder how my unconscious mind even came up with the idea of watching as a fake version of me interacted with my best friend.

“Oh you know Carrot Top,” the fake me said as she waved a hoof carelessly.

“Oooo Bon Bon!  I almost forgot, guess what finally came in the mail for me yesterday?”  Lyra jumped off the cushion she had been sitting on and ran into her room.  The fake me just sat there patiently, slowly eating her cinnamon bun with a smirk on her face.

Lyra came back moments later with some sort of huge book being held by her magic, she placed it on the table in front of the fake.  I looked down at it, it was a thick brown leather bound book with the words; Humans:  Myths, Notions and Artifacts, etched on it in gold writing.  Of course it had something to do with humans, Lyra's one obsession.  I was surprised she didn't mention it to me yesterday.

“It took awhile, but this book finally came in stock for me!  It's all about the myth behind humans and some of the theories ponies have come up with surrounding them and their culture.  Pretty cool right?”

It was not, Lyra was always trying to get me interested in humans, but I just didn't understand the appeal.  How is it possible for some kind of mammal to walk on their hind legs and not fall over?  The fake Bon Bon said something about how great that was and how it sounded really interesting.  I huffed, obviously Lyra was gonna pick up on that and ask what was up with me.  As much as I love her, I've found it really difficult to understand her, but I'm sure she feels the same way about me.

“Really?  You think so?”

“Absolutely!”

I couldn't watch this any longer, the fake me was just too annoying to pay attention to.  Sure playing along with Lyra's antics can be a lot of fun sometimes, but actually showing interest in her obsession with humans?  How had Lyra not even bothered to really ask if there was something wrong with me?  I always give her a hard time about it, not out of hatred, out of love... and slight annoyance for her bringing it up so often.

Yet she never said a word.

We left the house not long after they finished breakfast.  I mention myself in there because it seemed that anywhere the fake went, I was forced to follow.  I was starting to think that this was some sort of nightmare.

Lyra and the fake went into the market and instantly walked over to Carrot Top's booth.  It had become a ritual for the two of us to stop there first and buy something from her, even if we didn't want to.  Carrot Top often found herself trying to compete with the Apple family for business, and usually ended up losing to them.  Compared to apples, there just wasn't as much you could do with carrots that people enjoyed.

“Hiya Carrot Top!  How's life going?” Lyra asked enthusiastically.  Today, she could have rivaled Pinkie Pie in terms of bubbliness, not that it was unusual for her, Lyra had always been easily excited, I just didn't feel the same way right now.

Carrot Top did not share Lyra's enthusiasm either, which was something I could understand and appreciate.  This nightmare I was having, did not in any way, shape, or form, put me in a good mood.

“Eh, it's been better,” she responded simply.

“Dinky still not feeling well?”  Lyra asked.

“No,” Carrot Top sighed, “she's been feeling better lately, but she still keeps getting these terrible nightmares.  Derpy and I have no idea what to do about it.”

I know how Dinky feels, this is one nightmare I can't wait to be rid of.  Why do nightmares seem to last longer than nice dreams?  This has been drawn out far too long for my liking.

“Money's been tight for her lately and I can't say I have enough to help them out more than I already have,” Carrot Top added.  I must have missed some part of the conversation worrying about this dream.  When did money come into the conversation?

“Aww, so no free carrot smoothie then?”  The fake asked pouting.  My eyes went wide and I could feel my body tensing up, I got closer to my impostor than I ever have before and tried to kick her as hard as I could.  How dare she ask my friend that!  My leg went straight through her body as I expected, but it did make me feel a little better to get that out of my system.

“Oh... well... I mean it isn't a big deal.  You guys are some of my closest friends.”

The way she said that made it seem like it was a big deal and I could tell Lyra heard it in her voice as well.  She nudged the fake me and gave her a stern look, the fake acted oblivious to the whole situation, as if she had done nothing wrong.  It was quiet for a moment as Lyra most likely tried to come up with an explanation for why I had just acted like a complete jerk.

“She's joking obviously,” Lyra explained.  “We'd love some smoothies though.”

Carrot Top nodded, as if trying to make sense of what had just happened.  Usually I'm the sweet one who tries to explain Lyra to other ponies, it must be strange for Lyra to have to explain me to other ponies.

Color me surprised that nopony has asked me if there was anything wrong.  I find it strange that nopony has said anything about the fake me.  Was everypony just oblivious to my personality today?

The conversation went flat after that, the fake Bon Bon was now trying to cover up her obvious error by saying as little as possible.  Lyra and Carrot Top seemed all the happier to go along with it for now, once Lyra paid her for the smoothies and the few extra carrots they would need for cooking, she and the fake headed to our normal table in the marketplace.

“Wow Bon Bon, that was kinda rude of you,”  Lyra finally said once they both sat down.

The fake just shrugged, “I didn't mean it to come off that way.  I thought we were just joking around, besides it's still early on a weekend.  I'm just not thinking straight yet.”

Early?  It's 10 am on a Saturday, almost half the day is gone already.  Lyra should pick up on that, I've always been a morning pony.  Always.  Saying that I'm not is a little sketchy.

“I guess... it's a little odd for you though...” Lyra trailed off.  I smiled, finally she points out an obvious mistake in her demeanor.

“I was up late last night, later than I expected to be jotting down new recipe ideas for chocolates that I had come up with,”

Lyra nodded, she seemed to buy it, but I'm not sure how she could possibly buy that huge lie.  My current candy recipes were perfection and you do not mess with perfection.  Listening to the two of them made my physically sick sometimes, as my best friend Lyra should be the one who obviously picks out the differences in my behavior.  She should have realized much earlier, that something is wrong.

Even in a dream that shouldn't be a problem.  Right?

Right?

Something has happened to me, I can feel it.  This isn't a dream, as much as I wish this nightmare would just end with me waking up in my own bed, I know it won't happen.  I know that just trying to believe that makes me look silly and naïve.

I made it through a whole day like that, one full day of watching my body interact with my friends, my neighbors, and my stuff.  It should be clear to everypony that this isn't me, that there is something wrong with how I'm acting, there are so many things my body is doing and saying that I would never do or say.

It took all of my strength not to start crying on the spot at various points in the day, it was the hardest not to do so whenever my body was with Lyra.  After all that time we had spent together, all those years of friendship, how could she not have noticed that there was something different about me?

She didn't even once ask if I was okay when I wasn't.

I watched as my body snuggled into my bed all wrong, the quilt was all messed up instead of evenly stretched out over the entire bed, she was curled up into a little ball when I sleep straight on my back.  How has nopony noticed these glaring mistakes?  If I were them, I would have noticed immediately.  I would have known something was wrong, so why is it so hard for them to notice it?

Whenever my body talked it didn't even sound like me, it sounded like somepony who was attempting to recreate my voice... and failing.

“What's going on?”  I cried out.

After staying silent for so long it was nice to finally speak, even if nopony could hear me.