Where Is My Mind?

When I was a filly, there was a book that I liked to read every night.  It chronicled the tale of a curious filly who was not much older than I was at the time I would read it.  This filly, through a series of events, fell into a strange world that differed so greatly from the world she had come from.

On the way down to this strange new world, things seemed almost normal to her.  As she fell down the hole, she noticed normal things from her everyday life.  Time was on her side as her life changed, it made the change seem more bearable.

For me, it happened too quick to take in anything.

One morning I woke up and somepony else had already taken over my body.  There was nothing to notice, and there was nopony to help me comprehend what was going on.  I was just floating in the middle of nowhere, watching as somepony or something else pretended to be me.  At this point, it had been going on for two weeks.

Two very long and agonizing weeks.

Two weeks of watching my friends (and even my family at one point) talk to the fake Bon Bon as if nothing was different, despite her mannerisms being nothing like my own.

Two weeks to the day that I watched the fake me snuggle into bed and go off into dream land while I just hovered above her and continued to think about how I could possibly get out of this situation.

Tonight was different for some reason.  I could feel it in the air.

Just as the fake closed her eyes, a strange and unfamiliar darkness engulfed me.

My room went pitch black and silence blanketed me like a fresh snow fall.  I could no longer hear the sounds of the fake breathing while she slept.  It was a feeling that was both comforting and unsettling.

“Hello?”  I called out, looking back and forth in an attempt to break the unending silence.

At first there was nothing, just an endless void of blank space.  Then, without another thought, the void expanded and became a magnificent tapestry of dark greens and deep browns that surrounded me.

I shook my head, unsure of what I had just seen.  Just a few moments ago I had been stuck in a never ending cycle following my impostor.  Now?  I had no clue where I had landed myself.

I looked at the ground and smiled.  It had been weeks since my hooves had touched anything other than air, it was refreshing to feel the cool and soft moss on the ground of the forest.  I took in a deep breath of fresh air and laughed.

For weeks I had felt like I was dead, it didn't matter what I did, it had no effect on the life the fake was portraying.  It did nothing, but make me feel like a fool.

Now, here I was... somewhere.  Wherever this somewhere was.

Wherever I was, it was the first time in a long time that I felt alive and free.

“Bon Bon!”  a distressed voice called out.

I stopped where I was and frantically looked around me for the source of the voice, but my short search yielded nothing.  All I could see were trees, grass, and flowers for miles.  I shrugged, it didn't matter at this point.  Anything was better than staring at an impersonator all day for two weeks straight.  Even if I was in the middle of nowhere.  Honestly, there was no way things could get worse.

Since I didn't hear anything else around me, and saw nopony looking for me.  I decided it would be better to move on and do something that would stretch my legs.  It felt like it had been years since I was last able to do that.

There was a patch of flowers up ahead.  Daffodils, my absolute favorite.

It had been awhile since I last ate...

So it was settled, I would walk over a few feet from where I was currently standing, to eat some flowers.  It would not only make me feel better, but I could exercise my legs some more.

I never thought it would come to the day when I would be happy to have my hooves touch the ground.

I was especially happy to be tasting something for the first time in weeks.  It was a far cry from the fare I had gotten used to, now that both Lyra and I had taken cooking classes.  I had never been especially great at cooking anything other than sweets, but before those classes, it was usually impossible to leave Lyra alone in the kitchen without coming back to a huge mess.  Of course, she always did look proud of whatever she did, no matter what it was.

I would never know why though, didn't she ever get sick of ordering fast food every time she destroyed our dinner?  It wasn't as if Ponyville had a large market for that.

I sighed.

I miss her.

Not just Lyra, but all of my friends and all of my family.  I want to go back to my life.

My life without the fake Bon Bon.

Huff.

My face cringed up, what was that smell?  And, that sound?  I lifted my head up.  I didn't see anything in my line of sight.  Maybe it was just my imagination?

Huff.

And there it was again.

This time I decided that perhaps that sound was coming from behind me.  Slowly, I turned around and was met with large, scaly feet.

I didn't have to look up to know whatever it was, it did not look friendly.

I looked up anyway.

Why?  Why did I do that?

Stupid, stupid me.

Towering above me, was a large lizard-like creature standing just a few feet away from where I stood.  I could feel my cheeks heat up and my heart beat faster as I took a step away from the flower, the creature looked up and caught my gaze.  I took another step back and the large creature took two steps closer.

Every step I took backwards, the lizard took larger ones towards me.  So this was it, this was the end.

A little bit of time away from the fake me, and I was about to be killed by a giant lizard.  Just my luck.

I finally broke the gaze of the lizard and was able to feel my legs again.

There was only one thing to do now.  I turned around and ran away from this thing as fast as I could, I could hear it stomping on the ground after me, but I hoped that I had enough of a head-start to get away from this creature.

The stretch of grass I was running on was endless.  Nothing but grass and trees for as far as my eyes could see.  I enjoyed that before, when I came to the realization that I could actually touch things.  Now?  Not so much.  I was starting to get tired out, but I couldn't stop now.  The creature was still there, still just a few dozen feet behind me, and definitely still chasing me.  If I stopped now, I would never survive.

“Bon Bon!”

And of course, there was that mysterious voice again.  If anypony wanted to step in and save me, now would be a great time.  I closed my eyes for a brief second, waiting for somepony to take me away from this.

And just like the past two weeks, I had no such luck.

I was going to die, and after what felt like hours of endless running, I noticed it.  An end.

More specifically, it was a ledge.  No bridge or anything, just a ledge that ledge to a giant pit.

But at least I didn't have to run anymore.

And maybe this meant that I would no longer have to float next to somepony pretending to be me.

Nope, thinking positive did not make this experience any better.  It didn't make it any worse, but it definitely didn't make me feel any better about my choices.  I would either fall off this ledge and end up as a beige pony pancake on the ground below, or I would be eaten alive by this lizard.  Honestly, I didn't want to see how either choice looked on the way down.

If I closed my eyes I could be anywhere.  I could be with my friends, in Sugarcube corner, or even flying through the air.

Flying through the air.

Honestly, of all the things I could have come up with, this one felt the most real.  I could feel the wind in my mane, the feeling of nothing but air underneath me.  Perhaps I did fall off the ledge, and this is just how I chose to imagine falling.  I guess of all scenarios it was the one that made the most sense.  Floating, falling.  Same thing, I suppose.

I waited for the end to come, for the pain to flow through my body before ultimately losing all sense of feeling, but it never came.  I knew the ledge was tall, but I didn't realize it was that tall.  I carefully opened one eye and glanced around me, cringing in fear for what I would see.

I was definitely not near the ground, in any way shape or form, but I wasn't falling either.  Actually, what I saw shocked me more than anything.

I was flying.  I moved my hoof down my sides.

No wings to be felt.  Curious.

I looked up and received my answer.  Little Dinky, a friend from home, was holding me up by my midsection with a little bit of silver magic as she held on to a rope attached to a tree on the other ledge on the other side of the pit.

“Dinky?  What's going on?!  What are you doing here?!” I exclaimed.

Dinky didn't respond.  Instead, she pointed a hoof to the other side of the cliff as if she was determined to just fling me over there or something.  I wasn't sure if that was any safer than falling off a cliff or being eaten by some lizard, but this time I really didn't have any other options.

Why has this so quickly become my life?  Why couldn't I just open my eyes and wake up in my own bed?  Why couldn't I just go back to making candy?  Did I really have to risk life and limb for no apparent reason?

“Just trust me, right now!  I've got something up my horse shoes!”

“Trust you?!”  Yep, there it was.  She was going to do something insane.  This filly who is less than half my age was going to be the death of me.  Now is a perfectly good time to worry.  “Dinky!  You're a filly!  You can barely do magic!”

“Bon Bon, just trust me.  I know what I'm doing.”

I didn't respond, but once again I just shut my eyes.  Whatever was coming next, I really didn't want to see it.  I waited for a different sensation of flying.  One that was less swinging back and forth on a rope and more flying a few feet then falling to my death.  It never came.

I opened my eyes once again.  I was still swinging back and forth on a rope with Dinky, although now we were starting to drift further and further away from the lizard, as if we had some sort of control over where we could go.

“Dinky... what's going on?” I finally managed to squeak out.

Before Dinky could say anything, the lizard that had been chasing me for miles, exploded right before my very eyes.  I wasn't sure whether to be impressed or incredibly terrified.

Terrified.  I'm definitely going to go with terrified.

I was just standing there a few minutes ago!  That could have been me!  What is going on here?  And, where exactly am I?

I kept all these thoughts to myself as Dinky slowed down the swing of the rope and brought us back to where the lizards remains were still smoking.  I was secretly glad she didn't decide to fling us across the large divide, but I wasn't sure how being back here was any better.

The moment we were both safe on the ground and had gotten a few more feet away from the steep ledge, I had the meltdown that I had been holding in for weeks now.

“What is going on?  Between the fake me and now all of this... what is happening to my life?!”

“Ah-ha!  So that wasn't you!  I knew it!”

I paused and looked at the bubbly little unicorn.  How could she have known that it wasn't me?  In the two weeks that my life had been compromised, the fake me only stopped by her house once and I only saw her for a total of maybe ten minutes.  In all honesty, there were many more ponies that saw me for longer than that and they didn't seem to get the hint that there was something different about me.

“How did you know?  I saw you for maybe ten minutes and you were sick in bed!”

“There are a lot of things you don't know about me... there are actually a lot of things most ponies don't know.”

“Dinky, you're eight years old.  What could you possibly know about this?  And, what were those lizard things?  I know it was you who blew it up.  There is nopony else around here.”  I paused. “Or are there?”

“Look there is a lot I can't explain right now.  Just follow me, okay?”

She looked so calm and collected, as if a giant lizard didn't just explode in front of us.  It has all been a very puzzling experience, especially seeing Dinky so active and courageous.  The word around town lately is that little Dinky hasn't been feeling up to par these past few weeks, yet here she is walking around and using magic better than most unicorns her age.

“Easier said than done!”  I announced, following her only out of will for survival than actual acknowledgment that she actually had any clue as to what was going on.

“Trust me.  I know what I'm doing.”

I felt like I had come to a point in my life where because I have no other options, I just choose the one most likely to bring me some sort of satisfaction later in the day.  Living a little bit longer being the most optimal option, of course.

And Dinky was able to kill that lizard thing.

So following her, and trusting her for that matter, was my best option.  Even though there was a rather large age difference between us.

She was my friend's daughter, after all!  Daughter.  If anything, it felt like she should be trusting me, not the other way around.

But...

But I would look for any way out of this crazy situation that I've been stuck in for weeks.  Even if it means asking a child for help.

“Dinky... where are we?  What's going on here?”

“You're in my dream.  I brought you here.”

I stopped in my tracks and looked at the filly as if she had three heads.

“How is that even possible?  You can barely do magic.”

Dinky stopped where she was and turned around to face me, a large smile still on her face as she responded.  “Sure I can, just not the way most ponies can.  I think my special talent is going to be dreams.”  Dinky paused and looked me up and down inquisitively.  “And apparently I am very good at telling the difference between a real pony and an impostor.”

“Dream magic?” I scoffed. “There is no such thing.  It's just an old mare's tale.”

“No, it's not.  I have complete control over all of my dreams.”

“Dinky, that is just called lucid dreaming.  Anypony can do it.  I've been known to be able to do it every once in awhile and I most certainly am not a unicorn.”

“This goes beyond just lucid dreaming!  I know it!”  She exclaimed, exasperated, as if my comment really hurt her feelings.  And, maybe it did.  Perhaps I've been away from regular pony life so long that I no longer take into account ponies feelings when I talk to them.

Dinky recovered from her moment of anger and quickly composed herself.

“Obviously I have the power to bring you into my dreams,” she added matter-of-fact.  “I just need to hone this magic into something I can use outside a dream.  So far, it has brought me nothing, but headaches.  I'm working on it though.”

“This is freaking me out.  What do you plan on doing with this special talent of yours?”

“Actually, I'm glad you asked.  Listen closely because I have this amazing plan!  All you have to do is...”

And just as quickly as everything began, everything began to fade out.  Dinky's words began to get muffled by static sounds and I could feel myself fading out.  Dinky's face turned to confusion as I tried to signal her to inform her that this was happening.  I had no idea if she could hear me, I had no idea if words were even coming out of my mouth, but I do know that once she realized what was going on, she began to rush her conversation.

“I'll get you back here tomorrow night and I...”

That was the last thing I heard.  Every other sound was replaced with the sound of static.  The background slowly began to lose its color.  Morphing from colorful greens and blues to shades of black and gray before fading into blobs.  It all seemed to go in slow motion as I was sucked out of Dinky's dream scape and back into reality.  I noticed every shift in color and shape, every distorted sound up until everything became indistinguishable from one another.

Then in a rush of colors and static sound, I was back in my room.  Back watching the fake live out her life and back not having a way to stretch my legs or a place to be heard.

I was nothing again.

“Dinky will come through for me.  Tomorrow night, I will have another opportunity to feel like a real pony again instead of some floating ghost.”

Was it wrong to put my faith in a child?  She could barely do magic, she didn't even have her cutie mark yet!  For Celestia's sake, Dinky wasn't exactly the most mature filly, even if she was able to portray herself that way in a dream.  Could I really trust her with my life?

I looked down at the pony that was sleeping in my bed, dual-colored mane a mess, but with a large smile on her face.

That should be me.  Not whoever it was that was pretending to be me.

I could feel the rage grow inside me.

Yes, I was going to trust Dinky with my life.  Despite her age, she was the only hope I had of ever getting my life back and I would take anything at this point.

“Please Dinky,” I silently pleaded.  “Please remember to bring me back tomorrow.  Please remember.  I don't think I can go on much longer like this.”