DON'T FUCK WITH A MARINE

I was sick of it all. I was sick of the games, the bullshit, and the tomfoolery. I was currently innawoods and sitting down on a footstool. I had magically re-created my bugout bag from home before I joined the marines. It was filled with all kinds of quality tools and goods bought from Amazon. I was stirring a tin metal container that had a fire beneath it, which was boiling the water that was cooking my corned beef. As I sat I began to ponder - what the fuck was I doing here? I had tried to use my magic in some way to contact command, but nothing would work. Where even was I anyway? Was I on a different planet? A different dimension? Such unanswered questions bothered me, and if they had a physical form, I would've beat the shit out of them.

I shook my head. When I joined the marines, I expected to not only become a badass, but to go out there and fuck up mongs and shitheads that we were allowed to shoot at. I wanted to go on more missions like the one that had brought me here - to give me a real sense of purpose to my otherwise null life. I wanted to become the top man and fuck up more shit than anyone ever had or will, but in this place I was by myself and surrounded by damn animals. The demigod was the only individual who shared a similar human form, but he was a piece of shit. What was I going to do next? I had to come up with a plan.

I thought and I thought and I thought as I ate my radical MRE meal, and then it came to me. The demigod had wild power - teleporting me around and healing my fatal wounds. He could be the key to getting me back home, but I had to find a way to tip the tides. I couldn't kill him apparently, and I needed to fix that, but how? He said that those horses in that throne room and that instagram horse were the rulers of this world. I nodded my head as I felt the plan of action forming from within my mind! Now I was glad I didn't kill those fucks, because they might have some answers.

But then I remembered - the javelin missile destroyed the fuck out of the castle. Well, that probably killed them all, but there was only one way to find out. It was time to investigate. Finishing up my meal, I stood up and began to march towards the castle once more.

"Stay back, you demon!! Don't come any closer!"

I shook my head at the already injured guard in-front of me. He wasn't listening to what I had just told him. "I'll say it one more time, you fucking animal. I'm here to speak to your rulers. I would've killed you already if I had other reasons, but if you keep getting in my way, then I'll just take care of you anyway."

The armor-decorated horse trembled. He looked like he didn't know what to do, and I was sick of waiting. I started to move forward, and then the goon cowarded onto the floor, so I walked right on around. The castle was in total ruins, as I had expected, but there was clearly still some signs of life. I calmly walked through the castle until I reached an underground tunnel that was dimly lit with torches attached to the walls. My pace was nonstop like the fucking terminator until I reached a room that was housing several horses - one of which I recognized as the instagram horse.

"You." I pointed right at her with my finger. Before any kind of discussion could even begin, a magical blast shot at me from one of the other horses which burnt my skin. "Ahhh!!!" I immediately became enraged. I glared at the other horses and then pulled out a 12 gauge pump shotgun. "Try anymore stupid SHIT!!!!!! And you fuckers are getting fucked to the lowest level of hell. I'm not here to kill you bastards unless you piss me off anymore than you already have. I'm here to talk."

I didn't like the response I got though. More magical blasts shot out at me, and I was reluctantly forced to take cover out of the room.

"We do not talk with demons like YOU!!!!!!!"

So this was the game they wanted to play? It was going to be the last game they ever did take part in. Furious, I took aim with my shotgun and tactically peeked around the corner. I shot at the first horse I saw - a large dark blue one that was as tall as the instagram horse - but a yellow magical shield prevented me from blowing her brains out.

"ENOUGH, Princess Luna! Creature who calls himself Raserix, we are willing to talk."

"Celestia!!! You are mad to attempt discourse with this rotten, despicable beast!"

Their bickering was already annoying me. I stepped forward, throwing the shotgun to the ground and ready to pull out a more deadly weapon if it was necessary. "Who is that demigod? How do I kill him?"

The instagram horse looked at me and began to speak shortly afterwards. "...If we are correct and he is a demigod, then he has other-worldly powers and cannot be defeated by normal means. Why do you wish to kill him, Raserix?"

"Because he's a cunt."

"And thou art a disgraceful abomination wherein lies no fathomable opportunity of redemption." The tall dark blue horse interjected.

"Did I ask for your opinion? I don't care about you - I'll kill you right now if I wanted to. I don't need you."

"If you dare even touch my sister, then you can say goodbye to any chance of us aiding you." The instagram horse replied.

I looked at the stunad who had just spoken and shook my head. "I don't care. Now, enough fucking around. How do I kill that demigod fuck? I want ans-" I was interrupted by a blue hoof slamming itself against my face and knocking me to the ground.

"ENOUGH OF YOUR INSOLENCE!!!!!!"

"Princess Luna no!!!"

That was it. I was going to kill all of these entitled fucks and figure it out myself because I had had enough of their pathetic antics. I jumped to my feet and pulled out an RPG-7. "Don't fucker with me fucker and I won't fuck with you fucker, but you just fucked with me, fuckers! I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THE GAMES!!!!!!!" I aimed towards the middle of the room and fired. The big whistling grenade propelled itself immediately, but then it suddenly stopped. In-fact, everything stopped - the whole world had gone completely still.

"How predictable of you for me to find you here." The voice of the most annoying mother fucker on the planet rang out. "You got away last time, but I've had enough of your stupidity. I'll find somebody else to do my work - your misadventures come to an end right here and right now, as slightly entertaining as they were."

"You don't know who you're talking to."

The demigod himself then appeared in-front of me, but before anymore annoying talking could commence, I sprinted forward and tried to punch him in the face. He simply grabbed my fist though, and then I felt a sharp object pierce through my chest.

"Aaauuurrrgghhhkk...!!!"

"Goodbye, Raserix. What a shame you couldn't be of help to me."

I looked down to see a sword sticking out of my body. Blood was oozing out and dripping onto the floor beneath me, and then I began to heartily chuckle.

"Heheheh..."

"Laughing at the face of your own demise? I won't be saving you this time, kid."

"Heh... yeah, because you won't be able to." Images of my fellow U.S. MARINES began to flow through my mind as they lent me their strength once more. I reached down and grabbed his sword, pulling it out of my own chest and then violently thrusting it into the fuckhead in-front of me.

"Acccckkkkk...!!!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I yelled out mightily as I thrusted the cunt's own sword so far and up into his body. Blood poured out from my now open wound in my chest, and as the demigod gurgled on his own blood, time began to resume once more. The rocket propelled grenade exploded upon making contact with the stone floor, fucking up everything and everyone in the room in an orchestration so beautiful that it could be respected on a cosmic scale. I was sent flying backwards from the blast, and my body slammed into one of the walls before falling straight to the floor, where I weakly laughed among all the smoke and debris.

"Heh, so this is how it ends..." As I began to lose consciousness from my injury, my vision faded to darkness, and I felt the life drift away from my body. For once I felt at peace, knowing that cunt of a fuckhead had been killed as was every other entitled bastard of this strange land. I was happy to die in such a prophetic way. With my strength leaving me and my mind turning to fog, I reached for my ear-piece. "Command... Diamond Wolf is out."