All Roads Lead Home

Chapter Ten:
Little Dreams

“Most stalkers are the poor and unwanted, fighting to keep the world alive.”

You only need to visit one or two metro stations before you’ve pretty much seen them all. Sure, the community living there might dress up the decaying brick and metal with banners and décor, but it’s still fundamentally the same base underneath them all.

Standpoint Station looked just like Evergreen. Same basic layout, but the zebras here didn’t shy away from us, instead smiling to greet the new travelers. Even going through customs here wasn’t that terrible. But I couldn’t help but notice the clear problems of Standpoint: those smiles failed to hide their shivers, their hollowing cheekbones… the color paling in everyone’s coats.

“What happened?” Blue tugged at my jacket.

I sighed. “War, it’ll always linger.”

Hoarfrost looked down at his hooves as we passed by more poor souls.

“This is what needs to change.” He shook his head and stormed off. We chased after him as he looked for… something. It was exhausting chasing him up and down alleys of that foreign station. We weren’t foals and my muscles already ached from exhaustion.

“It’ll be easier,” I choked on my own breath. Beating my chest to clear the coughs that hurt my eyes. “Ow… if you told us what you were looking for.”

“Someone to talk to about… all this.” Hoarfrost stopped and spun on his hooves. “Ami— Evergreen, sorry, was livable. Look at the station around us, affected by us. Someone has to help… I’m just hoping to run into who runs this place.”

“But we need to—“ I stopped while the rest of the sentence played in my mind.

‘But we need to get to Friendship Station.’

How could I be such an asshole? Silver Tongue had no direct way to get the location of the Dragon’s Den. I had my guide to it breathing right in front of me. But yet my head kept telling me it was stupid to pause and help these folks. That if I stopped and helped everyone along the way, I’d be too exhausted to do what I want… but yet, my chest yearned to do something. Do thoughts like these make me a bad pony? Tell myself that someone else would come along and help? Or that I was helping them by… wow. I-I really am an asshole.

“Serenity,” Hoarfrost softened his tone to almost whisper. The kind that makes you lean on the edge to hear their every word. “The documents will be there. Only the sitting leader can ask for their use, so don’t worry.”

“But I don’t know what to do.”

“You think I know? You’re the stalker and, well, a naka— nurkh— a shaman. Sorry. It’s your obligation to help them.” He then pulled Sea Mist to his side. ”And Misty is looking like a lost cat! She needs sleep, unlike you.”

I laughed. I… laughed. A real awkward one that turned heads, wondering if I was all there. At least Dusk beamed with a prideful smile at it.

“Y-you found that funny?” Hoarfrost cocked his head with a halfhearted grin.

I simply nodded.

“Huh. So, does that mean you’ll do it?”

“Yeah. It is my obligation.”

“Awesome.” Hoarfrost paused for a moment before looking around. “So wher– erm… who the hell do we talk to about that?”

“It’s always the building next to the cathedral.”

“Then let’s go!” He sped off, because of course he would.

Eventually, surprisingly without any trouble, we were standing in front of a building that was nothing more than a mix of mud brick and a few bits of scrap metal to support its base. It was the only building like this, a little poetic compared to the leaders of the Old Guard. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was expecting from the interior though. Probably more than just a center desk with three offices around it. The zebra at the desk was cleaning, bobbing their head to the little gem radio hopping around next to them. That’s how you can tell someone is bored, when they try to clean hundred-year-old rust and rot… and I better not be the first one to tell you that it does not come out.

“Oh!” The mare quickly tucked away the cleaning supplies into hidden drawers and compartments in the desk before returning a smile. Unlike the folks outside, her grin felt warm and hopeful as if we were water in a choking desert’s heat. “How can I help you?”

Hoarfrost looked to me, unsure of who exactly to ask for. “I– we wanna chat with the mayor.”

“Tala? Sure, she shouldn’t be busy. Just in the room behind me.”

“Thanks.”

“By the way,” The zebra spun on her little stool to face us as we passed. Strangely, her pale green eyes only locked with mine. “Tell her that the Construction Union wants to talk with her again.”

A little bit of a weird ask for us, but I couldn’t help but nod. I felt like it would’ve been a dick move to say no, plus I believe Dusk, Hoarfrost, or probably both to be honest, would’ve smacked me if I did.

Mayor Tala was different. Not different in a bad way, not at all. But different… like me. She was a deer that towered over even Hoarfrost’s frame. The stripes on her legs looked like socks that softly padded onto the ground as the mayor carried herself around the room. An office as banal as the politics they dealt with judging by the crow’s nest of a mane. But buck did she light up the moment we were noticed.

She whistled ecstatically. “Hallooo!”

“Hi!” Sea Mist almost rolled over her front hooves, matching Tala’s energy.

“You’re a cute one, arentcha? So what are you fine folks in need of?”

“We’re looking to help.” Hoarfrost extended a hoof.

Tala laughed and waved away his gesture as she sat down behind her desk. We just looked at each other as she went through a few papers. Tala finally looked up as Hoarfrost cleared his throat.

“So, you weren’t joking?”

He raised a brow at her comment. “Why… would we?”

“Well,” she sighed. “It’s been a week, but if you’re really here to help I need your passports.”

“You had people leave on you?”

Tala’s eyes dimmed. “Ponies, mostly.”

“Well, I won’t, and if I do, you can lynch me.”

I shouldered him.

“What?!” Hoarfrost asked.

“Who the fuck says that?”

“I—“ He paused, rubbing his chin. “You know what, Serenity? It sounded much better in my head.”

“I bet it did.”

Tala knocked on her desk. “You two done kissing it out there?”

“So,” she continued. “Why would we care about lynching you? We don’t have capital punishment.”

“Because he’s the current leader of the Old Guard.” I slid in.

Tala put down her work slowly, now studying Hoarfrost like a Tracker to prey. “Huh, I didn’t expect such a big buck to be so brave. So, you all Old Guard?”

“No,” Dusk shook her head then pointed for the mayor to associate faces to names. “Order… Dweller…”

She paused on me, her eyes asking permission to say my new title since we couldn’t prove I was Friendship Station anymore. I gave her a nod.

“And a nurakhu,” she finished.

“The pony?”

Dusk nodded.

“Prove it.” Tala was rightly skeptical to ask the question.

I turned around and Dusk helped me pull up my jacket. Little spiders crawled up my spine as a cold hoof ran down my back. “Wait, you’re Bliss’s kid? I thought you—“

“No,” I cut her off. “I’m his other kid.”

“I-I’m sorry.” Tala bowed a little.

“No, no. Don’t do that.”

‘Okay’, she mouthed before taking a deep breath. “Well… we need supplies. A real laundry list of things, but nothing massively mechanical. Mainly tools and wiring.”

“Do you know where?”

She pulled a paper map from one of her desk drawers and lightly circled an area with her hoof. “There’s a block of hardware stores in this area, according to a trader from the Ring. Now… we don’t have a lot bull—“

“That’s not why we’re helping,” I cut Tala off immediately, pointing to Sea Mist. “They just need a place to rest for a bit.”

“Sorry, I pegged you for the wrong type.”

“Wipe away the long face. Nothing unusual about that assumption.” Dusk snickered.

“Yeah,” I agreed.

“Huh… So a place to sleep…? I could probably ask Kasul, he owes me. Okay! This is great!”

I quickly punched the location into my PDA. Shouldn’t be a long trip, only a few hours max.

A wing poked me. “I hope you’re not planning on going alone now.”

“Yeah…? Aren’t you gonna watch Hoarfrost?”

“Serenity,” Dusk raised a brow. “The Old Guard would be fuck’n insane to assassinate him here and no way they’re hiring a zebra to do it.”

No arguing with that for obvious reasons.

“So we gonna head out?” she added.

“Yeah… oh yeah. Tala, the zebra at the desk said the Construction Union wants to talk to you or–”

“Oh for fuck sake! I’m working on getting them their shit!” she cut me off in a rage. “Please get back as soon as possible. I don’t want to hear the union complain about our lack of resources for dealing with our lack of resources again.”

Dusk gave a snarky salute and pushed me out the door. “We’ll do our best!”

She didn’t stop shoving me until we were outside the administration building. Just like when we were foals, Dusk flew just above my head and started heading off in a, seemingly, random direction. Only periodically stopping to make sure I was still following. She had a scarily perfect acclimatization, unlike Hoarfrost.

Dusk began poking zebras on the shoulder, some jumping a little more than others, to politely ask, “Excuse me, is there a service passage nearby that leads to the surface?”

“Sorry, I wouldn’t know.”

“I don’t know.”

Others would shrug. One finally gave directions to a little bunker door hidden behind a local ammo exchange kiosk. Dusk spun the center wheel lock open, and waited for me to squeeze through the cobwebs inside before shutting it behind us.

I enjoy just existing in tunnels like these. Sure, the lost memories in the homes above were interesting; stories about how folks used to live their lives. But those places always felt like finish lines. Service tunnels were waiting rooms. The seemingly endless hall hundreds of stalkers traveled yearly, but that time didn’t reflect on the passage at all. The weird humming from the pipes chained all around us. Bricks in the walls looked as vivid as the day they were laid down. Yet no hoof prints were left behind. A place 84 meters underground without a past, but an infinite present.

Dusk and I started climbing up the ladder to the surface. Hopefully, it won't be the heart of some crazy anomaly this time. Luckily, the ponyhole was in the middle of some random road. Never thought normal snow in a frozen city would be a sight for sore eyes.

“Zone, I missed you!” Dusk did a little loop in the air as I shut the lid on the hole, landing right in front of my face. “So… how are you?”

I groaned, brushing past her towards the location on the PDA.

She quickly matched my step. “Come on! Serenity, it’s just you and me. Stop being a little bitch.”

“I would but… I-I can’t articulate the words in my head. Like they’re dug in and won’t come out.”

“Yeah?” Dusk softened her tone.

I sighed. “Sorry. It’s been a helluva week.”

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“I mean, what do I even do now?”

“Besides going after your friend? Hmmm… That’s a good question.” She stuck out her tongue a little, letting her pupils widen into deeper and deeper thought. “I don’t know. Damn, I totally get your feeling, though. Well, I guess… Don’t go too far. I know he’s your friend, and all, but I'm a little scared you might not like the other side.”

“You charge by the hour?”

“Fuck,” Dusk shoved me with a wing. “You.”

I dramatically rolled off into a snowpile, kicking up flakes as I plopped into the ground. Phantom pain was acted out beautifully, in my opinion, as I spazzed out. “Arrrg! No! My only weakness! Passive aggressive swearing! I’m melting!”

She snickered and pushed my head deeper in the snow. “Good. Perish.”

I tapped her forehoof and Dusk pulled me up to my hooves. Her smile was gone.

“What?”

She sighed. “Cute, but you’re not tricking me with that playful bullshit. You can’t hide everything– wait… does Sea Mist even know you’re not a stalker?”

I averted my eyes.

“Holy shit, Serenity! You saw what lying about your name did. Do you want to give her a heart attack?”

“What? No… I just haven’t got around to it.” I rolled the excuse off my shoulders.

Dusk’s growing disappointment twisted into a grin. “I know you like deals–”

“Noooo.” I tried to cut her off. Keyword: tried.

“I’ll teach you how to be a real stalker if yoooou tell Sea Mist the truth,” she cheerfully punctuated. “But you have to do everything I say immediately and unconditionally. We’re not in the outer ring anymore and I’m not slowing down for you.”

I nodded my head. There was no arguing with that.

“Verbally respond, Serenity. I know you.”

“It’s a deal… dick.”

“Love you too!” Dusk blew a kiss, I flicked it out of the air. She snickered and beckoned me to follow close.

I did just that. Carefully stepping in every fresh hoofprint, moments after they’re left. The buildings in this area were interesting. The windows were mostly intact, but a few had black brambles racing out of them. It was always the Zone’s little ways of reminding us, it exists. Is it weird to say I could almost feel its pulse in the ground? Radiating off the ice and snow? Maybe it was all because of yesterday, but it was like we were passing through a subconsciousness’ gift shop. Mindblowing nick-nacks everywhere for the brave and stupid alike to take. Just walk into that store, that parking lot… gamble for a chance at a better life.

Dusk grabbed my chest, stopping me in my tracks. She smoothly put a single wing claw to her lips. My bracer began to beep before I heard what she had. I don’t know what she heard. The detector’s increasing heartbeat was the only thing around us, picking up something that gave no other clues, but it was approaching fast. Dusk turned, ripped off the detector and tossed it away. Then I heard it…

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click… click… click…

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Then it was gone…

“What the hell was that?”

“I don’t wanna find out.” Dusk’s head snapped when I started walking over to my discarded detector. “What are yo— Serenity, you don’t need that.”

“Maybe not for that anomaly.”

“You don’t need it for any of them.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Then why did I spend cartridges on it?”

“You tell me. Amani didn’t need one.”

“Bitch,” I quickly muttered under my breath before continuing to follow, leaving the detector behind.

======= ☢ =======

The streets gave way to one large shopping complex just ahead, blocked by piles of ice, concrete, and snow. Dusk didn’t even attempt to scale it, instead merely turning to follow its perimeter. We must have walked countless meters with no entrance, but something nearby did catch her eye. She pointed to a skyscraper, one of many that grew past the clouds, to three little dots forming a triangle at its entrance. She didn’t speak but moved, only pausing to toss a bolt nearby. Everytime she did this for the last hour, the bolt would always hit an anomaly. This one was interesting though. The bolt flew perfectly straight, slipping through the embrace of air molecules before suddenly being ripped to the right, like gravity grabbed and pulled it into a spot in the snow, landing with a hollow thud. Dusk threw a few more, then moved, and tossed more to map its area, then when she was satisfied, she beckoned me to follow her path inside.

There was no need to pause in the building, it was just some finance business: more soulless cubicles and tacky carpets. Dusk was looking for more dots, which were found again, but this time it was only two next to the stairwell. We had to have climbed something like fifty flights of stairs before we found the last dot. A lonely dot centered on the floor’s doorway. A campfire was visible even through the tainted window, shadows hunched over its flames. I couldn’t believe Dusk didn’t hesitate to open the door and walk in.

Music danced everywhere, jumping to each strum of the zebra by fire. They sang in a language I forgot long ago, but could still understand. They sang to the Infinite about love, death, and other trivial matters. The other two ponies listened close to the guitar’s haunting somber melody. No one paid us mind as we stopped to sit down and just watch.

“Indi ko kaya subong sini nga obra?” the stalker finished before letting the strings ring.

“Beautiful. What’s it called?” Dusk asked.

“I don’t know. I found it one day in one of the highrises to the west. That.. well, that was all I could salvage from the piece.”

“So, it’s incomplete?”

They bowed their head. “Sadly. One day, hopefully, I’ll finish it.”

“Hey,” I nudged Dusk and leaned in close to her ear. “What are we–”

“Don’t be rude. Learn to socialize, you little shit,“ She quietly, and literally, jabbed back.

“So, what about the rest of you Loners? What’s your stories?” She added with a smile as she returned to volume.

The unicorn chuckled as she fixed her beanie. “Running away from home. Ya know, the norm.”

“By choice, or does it have something to do with the little bumps you’re hiding on your head.”

“You can see them?!” the mare eep’d while covering the top of her head with her hooves.

The other unicorn bursted out into a fit of laughter. “Hahaha! The Ranger got you there, Kaepora! No one can see your gift.”

“Why hide it? The Old Guard isn’t here.” Dusk’s concern warmed me.

“Well… it’s just–”

“Don’t worry,” Dusk cut her off with a grin. “There’s no reason to be ashamed about your gifts… and if someone laughs then I’ll throw them into the fire pit!”

Kaepora giggled for a moment then paused to look the more seasoned stalker in the eye. Dusk nodded and the pony removed her beanie, her long curly hair flowing out, revealing three sets of horns that ran along her head behind her ears. Each one arching down before curling right back up. I’d never seen anything like it. No creatures to compare the gift too. The mare glanced at me then blushed.

Then Dusk smacked the back of my head. I must have been staring for too long. My bad.

“You feel better now?”

She gave a weak grin at Dusk. “Yeah… thanks.”

“Good. So, what’s your dream? A strong mare like you has to have an amazing goal!”

“Well, it’s kind of silly.” The stalker rubbed the back of her neck.

Dusk pointed to me. “Can’t be sillier than this guy’s ‘just wanting to go home.’”

“Hey!” I could only punch her as a retort. Everyone got a good laugh at that one, but everyone shut up the second the Kaepora interjected.

“His dream isn’t that dumb.” She tried to hide behind her locks. “I have the same one.”

Dusk bowed her head. “Sorry.”

“Why? It was just a joke.”

“But…”

“Really, it's fine, Ranger,” Kaepora reassured her. “Why don’t we continue with him?”

“Me? Nah, I’m boring.” The other unicorn swatted the air.

“Everyone has a dream.”

He chuckled. “Mine’s just getting rich. Nothing impressive or bold like you guys.”

“That’s fine. You don’t need to fix the world. Existing is enough.” The zebra rested their guitar on a pair of powergreaves against the nearby cubicle wall before tossing another stack of paper into the flames. “So Ranger, how about you? You told us about your friend but not you. You don’t have a skeleton in the closet, do ya?”

“No, sadly. Though you know how cool that would be? A dark mystery bat… sounds like a comic character. But I digress; I just want to help everyone. That’s why my dad does it. I guess the mango doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Dusk snickered.

“So what brought you here?”

“We need to get into the shopping center behind the wall.”

“That shithole? Well, it’s not easy… unless you like heights.” The unicorn spat out.

Dusk flapped her wings. “Well, lay it on me.”

The zebra pointed out the massive hole in the side of the building, the bits of loose floor, wall, and ceiling hung together by solid blue ice, and began mapping out the path with his hoof. “A few floors above is a crane, above the cloud level, that crashed through the windows. It’s connected to a construction site with another downed crane to let you in. But there’s a Demon nest on that site, so that’s not fun. Look at the bright side though. No anomalies… last cycle I checked.”

“That’s not the only way out, right?”

They nodded at Dusk. “Yup. Just find a piece of debris and ride the river back here. You’ll know what I mean when you get there.”

Dusk got up and bowed, nudging me to do the same. “Thank you.”

“No problem. Good hunting, stalkers,” they added as we exited back into the stairwell.

“They were nice.”

“Dusk, you always say that.”

“Live a little, Serenity. Most stalkers just aren’t assholes anymore. Hard to be, with so little left.” Dusk grimaced before ascending the floors.

There might be a little truth there, but who knows? Maybe it’s all a front to get our gear. After the Demons rip us apart, they’ll swiftly slide in and grab the remains. They were just too nice… the Wastelands didn’t taint me that much, right? Oh Spirits, I hope not.

That anxiety, though, was washed away with another flood. The sun. I wonder if the ponies of the past took it for granted, a ritual just for them as the princess of day brought love over the horizon? Pictures were all we ever had in the tunnels. Just as paint decays, our memories of it faded as well. Did the stables attempt to imitate nature or were they just like us? Worms daydreaming about the sky?

When we reached the floor it didn’t take that long to find the crane resting on shattered glass, but I couldn’t help just staring past it all. At the growing colors across the sky. Not light blue I’d been told about thousands upon thousands of times… but brilliant shades of violet, rust, and amber radiating around a falling star. I guess folks like me are always destined to chase afterimages, a vain attempt to make up for the cold. Hoping those claws in the sky don’t rip you to shreds. When you grow up drowning in a void, you find a strange comfort in knowing that at least you’re not drowning alone.

“Still need a few more minutes to stargaze?”

“If you don’t mind… yeah.” I couldn’t peel my eyes away.

Dusk wrapped a wing around me. “Take all the time you need. I was the exact same when my dad brought me above the clouds.”

“Dawn Spark did?”

She nodded.

“And here I thought he never left his office.” I sat there staring at the burning sky for as long as I felt safe stealing. As minutes passed, Dusk was busy testing the crane’s stability… by jumping on it. There was no rattle, but that still didn’t ease my heart. For all I knew, she just woke up the Demon’s nest.

Dusk waved me over. “Time to go.”

“Okay, okay.”

She smiled in response before sliding down the crane, disappearing below the cloud cover.

“Bye for now.” I sighed at the sun as the world darkened all around. With the help of a few deep breaths, I followed her.

The construction site was just another place frozen in time. Some framework for some apartments, business, what have you. It was something before… before the flesh and leather that wrapped around every column, entangled between the holes of safety webbing and rebar. The old paint rubbed off in each inner membrane, mixing the navy into the organic brown, producing an ugly olive gray. Demons were curled up in their nests, nuzzled close.

I slid directly into Dusk’s hooves. She didn’t speak a word, instead using her wings to slowly point to where we were going. We moved to the beat of the Demons’ breathing.

One step.

Another.

Creeping to the edge of the platform.

Of course the floor below is where the crane’s jib had crashed. Honestly, I would’ve felt cheated if it was anywhere else.

I choked on my groan as one of the Demons stirred at my noise. Dusk shot daggers. I sunk into my hoodie, the universal sign for ‘my bad’. She rolled her eyes and began to climb down the side of the building using the exposed beams in the bricks. It looked effortless, but my brain didn’t get that message.

Immediately, I slipped. Didn’t matter if I caught myself, I was sure Dusk was already shaking her head in pure disappointment caused by a wave of amazement and disbelief. After that, the rest of the climb was uneventful. She made me slide down the crane first. It felt like a punishment, but I followed her demand, jumping off the crashed crane’s base towards the front of the shopping complex.

Honestly, you’d be surprised by the amount of wagons and carriages still in the parking lot. Did folks really need those closeout deals? Maybe it’s just me, but a new powertool doesn’t exactly seem to outweigh personal safety. Just saying.

“Princesses, Serenity! Could you choose a worse place to be a klutz next time?” Dusk exploded at me even before her hooves hit the ground. She let out a long puff before continuing, “Sorry, but… whatever. You know what you did. Let’s just go.”

She didn’t wait for affirmation and trotted up the building’s entrance. Its walls gave off a strange presence; not malicious in any sense in the word. The building was inviting us inside to dissect it; it would be rude not to oblige.

Pieces of glass teeth were scattered everywhere; every window from the revolving doors to the displays were smashed in, and bones of wood rested next to them. It was the murder scene of a giant being whose entrails had been ripped out long ago. Only the little food court’s tables really remained, and probably because they were bolted down. They must have been tight, if the screws next to a few of them were anything to go off of.

Dusk tossed a rusty bolt at the tables, one that disappeared instantly into shimmering waves through the air. Though the sheeting pulse wasn’t ethereal. The Echo’s waves grew jagged and shattered before even reaching the anomaly’s edge. No butterfly appeared. I looked to Dusk with a brow raised.

“Ever seen an Echo before?”

I nodded.

She tilted her head. “Then…?”

“Why did it do that?”

“Oh shi– umm… how do you explain a broken anomaly?”

“Bro…ken?”

“Yeah. The Zone decided that we didn’t have enough problems. Imagine a pen broken down to its most simple parts: a spring, case, the ink, etcetera, all spread out across a table. Each part on their own may not be able to write, but they can do something. Now Echoes are a horrible example for this since they’re really just pieces of the same moment of time, so we’ll use Fire Jelly. Now each time one of the flame sprouts appears, it may not burn you. Then again, you might just feel the heat, or just catch on fire spontaneously. Cool, right?”

“No! That sounds horrible.”

Dusk pouted. “Well, I think it’s cool…”

‘Of course’ I mumbled before I asked, “But Echoes are just the same, right?”

“Most of the time.”

“They can’t…”

“Well,” She paused to think for a moment. “Possibly. They have been known to… break the fourth wall. Few stalkers have come back with these stories, though.”

I did my best to push my survival instincts to the back of my mind as we crossed the first threshold. The world repaired itself, filling the empty hallways with patrons of all kinds. Bags were held close, loved ones even closer. I only wish I could’ve seen the vivid colors and not those oh-so-familiar grays. Hell, I’d settle for their conversations. Not just silent lips.

“Serene. Right, Serenity?” Dusk smirked.

“This was us? But Echoe— that’s not how they work.”

“Why not?”

I couldn’t help but stop and watch a pair of zebra and pony colts jump around one another. “They’re just… happy. Like in those old films.”

“Thought you’d see more bloodshed? What made you think everyone in the world would just turn on one another? Because someone in power said so? No, the average pony didn’t care enough about politics…” She let out a long sigh. “Maybe they should’ve.”

“Maybe.” I copied.

The images around us faded, blurring back to our world. We were near the hardware, according to the PDA, but that’s not what grabbed our attention. In what I could only assume was the center of the whole complex was a massive hole in the ceiling, waterfalls crashing onto the floor below. Every decline towards that center had rivers flowing… uphill, running away fast as they could. I slammed my back hooves behind me as I stuck a hoof in one of the streams. It damn near took me with it. Dusk poked me and pointed out the place we were looking for just across the space. We wasted no time making our way to the entrance…

But not before crossing another threshold. Well, I think we did. The surroundings didn’t change but colors started bleeding from thin air. Silent oil painting ghosts wandering their final res… final resting place. Oh spirits. Fuck. I checked my PDA’s date and frowned. One more day till— No. Don’t focus on it. It may be piss-poor now, but at least everyone else looked happy. Even the ones longingly embracing in the hardware store.

“How can they be so…” The sky was bleeding, and all I could do was gaze up at the deepening laceration. Little shimmers of the rainbow danced on its tail. “Happy?”

Dusk walked over to my side and looked up with me as the megaspell inched closer and closer across the sky. She wrapped a wing around me. “What good would anger do? In your last moments would you rather love, or beg? Yup… that’s the question, isn’t it.”

“And this is what The Beginning looked like?”

“Yeah. Pointless war, pointless death. Pointlessness wrapped in a dream that whoever made it would do better.”

“Okay then, there’s no way they know that! There’s just no way. I— look at them,” Trotted over to a graying stallion seated in front of a wrecked piano. “They don’t have dreams anymore. They're just reminiscing on what could’ve been.”

“Projecting much?” She raised a brow.

“What? It’s only natural to think about it. All those little moments in memory. Choices you regret and things you wish you’d said… Dusk… I’m,” I let out one long coarse sigh. “What the hell am I doing?”

“Serenity?”

“Do you think I'm a horrible pony?”

“Wha—“

“Like am I broken?” I cut her off not because I didn’t wanna hear it, just that I couldn’t stop myself. Why couldn’t I? What’s wrong with me?! “Dusk, I-I didn’t come here home f-for anyone. Just so when I close my eyes the dreams will stop! Dusk, what’s wrong with me? I didn’t even really come to stop… him. Oh Spirits, I am a horrible pony, right? Just fucking selfish, selfis— You have to tell me otherwise. Tell me I’m normal. P-please, all I see is his muffled voice and I…”

“Serenity, no…”

I swatted away her attempt to comfort me. Biting on tears the best I could. “You asked those stalkers w-what their dreams were. I couldn’t help but think about mine and I don’t know what I want… I… I don’t think I want anything. That’s normal, right?”

My body couldn’t do it. I collapsed onto the ground, teardrops freezing onto the ground soon as they left my cheek. Like a crack in me tore open just enough to reveal… nothing. Just emptiness. Dusk really did try her best to help, but the embrace didn’t change anything. It didn’t change me. I couldn’t breathe; it just kept escaping my lungs faster than I could suck it back in. I was shrinking: into my jacket, my body, back into a little fucking colt. Crying is so stupid.

“Dusk, why does it feel like the Zone is my personal hell? Everywhere I go, it just scolds me for every choice, every breath. What even happens here when everyone is gone? Does it just wait until the next victim? That’s its dream. Its purpose. Why it was created. A pit of selfish sorrow sweeping whatever poor soul is trapped within its spiral. All those stories from other stalkers… you know, the legends, the ones about heroes we grew up on. Don’t you find it weird that the bad shit only happens when we come up here? I mean… how do the mutants survive up here? I guess we’re the key to the Serpent’s Box.”

“Well,” Dusk held me tighter. “Why do you want to be a stalker?”

What? She knew. In fact, she knew I knew she knew. Why even ask the question? I-I don’t understand what that has to do with anything. Just… what?

I guess, I can’t trust my eyes anymore. Those little traitors told on me as I glanced up to Dusk.

“I just want to hear you describe it,” she continued with a grin.

Okay.

“Ama– Him… he would sneak me up here when we were kids. One afternoon while the snow was freshly falling, he was telling me how everything was gonna be alright and how we were family no matter what anyone at school said and how we’d care for each other when the world failed us and always be together. He wanted more folks to live by that. To see stations filled with smiles. It-It was always this pipe-dream of his. The idea that one stalker could bring back a little hope from the old world. He wanted to be that stalker.” I stuttered out an airy chuckle through tears. “I guess I just wanna be the stalker to bring him and that hope he found… Home.”

I didn’t care to think. I just… couldn’t understand why she couldn't say something. Fill the air with babble. Anything to not be alone with me, the sorry coward. Everything I touch dies. How long until Dusk… Silver… Blue? What do I do then? Just ride it out here ‘til the end? Sounds too nice for me.

Dusk exhaled softly out her nostrils. “Serenity, what’s wrong with that?”

“Why are you a stalker then?” I deflected the best I could with my weakest shield.

“Well, I'm definitely not like Amani. Not as bold or poetic. He was different, but I could understand his dream. Serenity, I do this to help people, not necessarily bring hope. Just help them live a little easier.” She paused. “So… I’ll ask you directly: What’s really your dream? And I know you loved him, but that doesn’t mean you need to carry his. So?”

“Huh…”

We sat in silence for an uncomfortable amount of time. Eventually, Dusk got up. “You don’t have to right now, but we better get going. Just think about it, okay?”

I wiped away my tears so I could hold onto some semblance of pride when I nodded. Together we stuffed our saddlebags with everything from flatheads to electrical wiring.

What do I want? You’d think it would be simple. There’s not much choice like before. No one really has a choice, do they? We either survive, or die. That’s a little fucked up to me.

“Hey! You coming?” I didn’t even notice Dusk leave the shop, let alone find a piece of sheet metal.

I trotted over to the river of water she stood next to. “So, we’re really gonna take up that idea of riding this shit out of here?”

“It looks fun…”

I didn’t even know how to respond to that. From caring to reckless in less than the blink of an eye. Honestly, it's an amazing trick.

“Sooo. We just jump on halfway or…”

She shrugged. “I was thinking we could just sled on it like the garage at home.”

“Shouldn’t we test that?”

Dusk picked up a rock and tossed it into the stream. Within seconds it had disappeared from sight.

“Huh.” I glared at her glee.

“Looks safe enough to me. Grab on!”

With a long groan, I scooted right next to her and grabbed the piece of metal. Close enough to smell the staleness of mango on her breath and see— wait… she lied to me. Spirits, she’s scared. There was a quiver in her pupils I couldn’t see before. The clutched bite told me more. The twitch in the ears was the spice on top. I made us wait for a second to see if any of those would change. They didn’t. Instead her pupils slowly grew and grew.

“Dusk?” My voice caused her to jump a little.

“Yeah?”

“You’re afraid of water?”

She shrugged before shooting back, “Yeah… so what?”

“I guess I just didn’t expect that, but I kind of get it. Just–” The moment actually lifted my spirit a bit. Not due to her fear, but the act of sharing it. Something about it just felt right. That strange warmth after years of absence. “You’ll be fine. Plus if you fall in, you’ll drown me too in an attempt to get out of the water.”

Dusk’s laugh was sweet. “Yeah, we always do that too.”

“Would you hate me if I said I didn’t envy that?”

She shook her head.

“I think I know what I want,” I smirked. “I guess the Infinite knew something… making me a nurakhu.”

“That’s great, Serenity. Chase that dream, it’s all we have left.”

With her tug, we hopped onto the stream. The water screeched through the metal’s grooves as we shot out of the center of the building. All colored ghosts of the past faded, replaced by one last Echo as we drew closer to the outside.

The world didn’t change visually, nor in touch or smell. Instead, we were left with a song. Their last moments were sung to the melody of a piano. I don’t think they cared that it was out of tune, leaving a hollow rattle with each hammer hit of the strings, the sound echoing off the walls along with the passionate voices of the past. Why couldn’t the rest of the world be like this? Realize the pointlessness in trying to rip each other apart. That no matter how much they claw and dig, that good night will take them. Is it not better to go there happily together?

I let the thought linger enough for a weak smile before it vanished with that showtune. The snow sparkling like gemstones, flickering in and out as we bolted over the ground. Within seconds we slid to a stop near the edge of the snow piles from before. Dusk picked me up, jokingly huffing, flew us safely down. Without a word, we started walking back to the ponyhole, same boring sights all blurring into one another as I zoned out on the trip…

======= –

“Serenity!”

“Ugh!” I spat out as Dusk yanked my hood. Once I could breathe again I glared at her. She wasn’t paying attention to me, instead focused on one six meter long shadow of a fire hydrant on the snow in front of us.

“Did you have to–”

“I called your name twice,” she cut in. “Would you have rather I let you walk into that?”

“What is it, anyway?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know…” I could feel my soul draining from my body.

“There’s no light source over there. What if I…” Dusk tossed a bolt into the shadow, to little fanfare. “Yeah, we’re not going through that. Let's go around the block.”

“But it didn’t do anything.”

She stopped in her tracks and just cocked her head to the side. “Do you really want to test that out?”

“Huh.”

“Just because it doesn’t react, doesn’t make it safe.”

“No-ted,” I dragged the words from one side of my mouth to the other through clenched teeth.

======= ☢ =======

B A N G

p a - p i n g

“Over here,” Dusk whispered, peaking around the building with me.

Of course this shit would happen on the homestretch. At least we weren’t being shot at. Hopefully, they’d have something useful on them for ruining our trip. Spirits know they probably won’t be using it much longer.

A scream ripped through the air only to be quickly cut off with a sharp bang followed by the rattle of metallic spurs. The snow was painted crimson as the corpse of a unicorn slammed into the building next to us, leaving a greasy trail as it slid to the ground.

“NO!” Out in the street a zebra jumped into the air, reeling back their powergreaves. A massive steel claw took to the sky, grabbing their throat before they could land. No matter how much they struggled, punched, or gargled, the talons slowly clenched across their neck till it bled. A trickle to a leak. The zebra’s punches quickly turned into chaotic flails as they tried something, anything! The figure raised his other claw and covered their mouth. There was no emotion behind that amber visor as they crushed the zebra’s skull. All that remained, as their body tried to process what happened with little spasms, was a limp pile of skin with shards of bones sticking out that was tossed aside like a broken toy.

It could’ve been any griffon, but one of that size walking around with a little crown on their breast plate? Yeah, it was Gage. The snow rushed as he landed on the ground and slung his shotgun. Next to his paws was a head crying tears of crimson, forever locked in horror. At least I thought it was their face. Whatever it was had been beaten beyond recognition… but the multiple horns running down the side of her head–

“Goddesses, Kaepora...” Dusk’s gasp interrupted my thinking.

I left her there in shock and walked over to Gage.

“Hey fuckface!” I didn’t flinch as he whipped around to swipe at me. His talons stopped inches from my face.

“Wildcard?” His helmet wheezed as he removed it and buckled it to his side. Gage ran a claw through his crest feathers, the mixing blood rolling down the back of his head. “Whatcha ya doing here?”

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Defending myself. I didn’t think I’d need to explain that to you of all ponies.”

I facehoofed and looked to Dusk for support as she walked over. “What could you have that they want?”

“All raiders–”

“They’re not raiders.” Dusk and I said in unison.

“Pfft… Doesn’t matter. They wanted this though.” He pulled out a rather large amount of Black Licorice.

I guess they did say they were in it for the money. If the stalkers really were attacking him for that… I’d believe it. Most would kill each other for less. What a sad world. Dusk was locked in thought as well, maybe over the same thing too.

“What happened to your jacket– and the undershirt too?!” Gage’s eyes didn’t just roll, his whole head did. “I just fixed that not even a few days ago! It’s minced meat.” I swear, tears were forming in his eyes as he tenderly grasped the sleeve’s remaining treads.

I just shrugged.

He tightened his brow. “This shit doesn’t just happen.”

“Would you hate me if I said it did?”

“Noo… but it wouldn’t stop me from trying.”

“You know what? Good for you.” I smirked.

He sighed after cutting off a few of the strands with a pair of scissors from his bag.

“Whelp, wish I could talk more, but I need to check on Honey. Sorry, I’ll be seeing y'all around!” Gage put his helmet back on before running off.

“Wait, that doesn’t add… up,” Dusk sighed. “Why would you believe him?”

“Why would he lie?”

“I can think of several good reasons, but let’s get out of here first before the Demons show up… Now to start, Black Licorice is an extremely common artifact.”

======= ☢ =======

The little bunker door took some effort to push open, but when it did the boom echoed throughout the whole station. The zebra at the kiosk in front of us fell out of her chair and started scolding us. Luckily, Dusk didn’t understand a single syllable and you bet your ass I lied to her about what was really said. There was feeling I must have struck, because no matter how much I kept reinforcing my story, she wouldn’t stop asking:

“Are you sure? It seemed a little more aggressive than how you’re putting it.”

“I’m–” I sighed as the administration building came into view. “Oh would you look at that! We’re here.”

I pushed into the building, waving to the receptionist, all while trying to dodge another repetitive question from Dusk.

“We’re back.” I smiled, waving to Tala as I opened the office door.

“Thank the spirits! It was there, right?”

Dusk bounced a little to make the items in the saddlebags jingle.

“Excellent!” she continued. “Could you put them in that box next to the door please? I’ll take it down there later.”

“So where’s…ummm.”

“Your friends? Just a few buildings down.” Tala rocked back and forth on her hooves. Slowly her lips pressed into a thin line. “Sooo… we couldn’t exactly get you a bed.”

“Sorry. I don’t understand.”

She sighed and looked me directly in the eyes. “Kasul just couldn’t spare anything. I’m sorry.”

“So where are they staying?!” I couldn’t help but explode at her.

“The community shelter—“

“We just risked our lives to sleep on the floor?!” I cut in.

*S M A C K*

My head whipped to the side, my cheek burning. I felt Dusk’s wing firmly grip my shoulder.

“Thank you.” Dusk bowed a little before shoving me out of the room. She didn’t say a word after that but I could feel the pressure of disappointment. I didn’t see the problem. Plenty of other folks in the wasteland always got equal pay— hell, more! I even heard someone getting to stay at Tenpony after they secured new filters for the water system.

I guess my reaction was very aggressive, but I don’t see what’s wrong with the base question.

Just like Tala said, the walk to the shelter was only a few minutes. Another unassuming box of rusting sheets with tarps for doors. The inside was cramped. Every free bit of floor space was taken up by travelers of all kinds, mostly zebras and deer. Families stole most of the actual beds for their foals. The other ones used their jackets and bags to try and make the pallets on the floor more comfortable. Near the back, Sea Mist was smiling while Hoarfrost laughed. Squeezing past everyone, we weaved our way to them.

Hoarfrost’s eyes lit up as we got close, “So… how’d it go?”

“Ask him. I’m going to sleep.” Dusk shot me a glare as she went to look for an empty pallet.

“Serenity,” he sighed. “What did you do?”

I shook my head while giving him a disgusted look.

“You’re not helping your case,” Hoarfrost added.

“Ugghhh… okay then. Let me ask you something.”

“Sure.”

“Is it wrong to ask for equal pay for work?”

“Well…” He rubbed his chin while Blue tilted her head. “Generally? No. In this specific—“

I cut Hoarfrost off so hard I practically hopped into the air. “Exactly! So why are—“

“Because that’s selfish, Serenity.” Blue just stared past me.

“What?”

“Hoarfrost, could you…?”

“Oh! Sure.” Hoarfrost got up and wandered off, whistling, leaving me with Sea Mist.

“What’s been with you?”

“What?”

She groaned. “Every station. Every step. You lash out… I don’t get it. You actually have a home. I just— well shit. I’d think you’d be grateful about that at least.”

This wasn’t the girl I had been traveling with. No, she didn’t sound like that. All those memories. Did I…? “W-what?”

“I swear to the goddesses, I will hit you if you say ‘what’ again.”

“Sorry, I just… were you always this poignant?”

“Perceptive.”

“No, I’m pretty sure it’s—“

“Do I sound sad to you?” Sea Mist raised a brow.

“I-I… wait. It doesn’t mean…?”

She shook her head. “Nope.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll ignore the shot at my intelligence, but not what you said before.” She stopped herself as she almost started to rub the top of her pipbuck. “Serenity, these people barely have beds to sleep in. You wanna take that?”

“No, I just—“

“What, you want the food out of their mouths, too?” Sea Mist cut me off.

I put my hoof down. “No. I don’t.”

“Then why did you demand it?”

“It seemed only fair. Isn’t that how it’s supposed to be?”

She sighed. “I don’t know.”

“Whelp… I guess we can be lost together.” I slid down the wall onto my flank, pulling out my journal to write.

“What’s that?”

“It helps me process.”

“Could I?” She laid down across from me. Blue smiled and levitated it to her after I nodded. With each flip of the page, her happiness soured. “Why is it all so sad?”

“That’s just how I am.”

“That’s not right.”

I guess we both read each other wrong. “Whelp, can’t change the truth.”

She wanted to say something but closed her mouth. Instead she continued to read. Then she paused. The look on Blue’s face stung. It took me a few tries to read the upside down words but I knew the passage…

A young mare stood not a few steps in front of us. A revolver leveled at us with her magic, pupils the size of pinpricks. I couldn’t tell if she was angry, nervous, or on the verge of tears. I don’t think it mattered much to Cider what I thought… but I deserved this. If she shot me, I wouldn’t attack or try to help myself. Just accept my actions as solely my own.

I couldn’t look in her eyes. Hopefully, she didn’t try to hurt me as she’d leave to find Dusk, a real normal pony. Spirits always knew it, another flower was wilting in my hoof.

“You’re a hero to me.”

It was even worse than I thought.

I shook my head as I buried my face deeper in my hooves. “Stop being so naïve.”

“I’m not.” My spine tingled as she ran a hoof through my mane. “How would your life’s story change if Dusk, Hoarfrost, or me wrote it? How are you so sure it’d be the same?”

“I’m just sure.”

“Now you’re the naïve one!”

How could she be so happy? This wasn’t the end, but pointless busy work. So what difference would it— oh.

“I guess I am.” I whispered under my breath.

‘Yup… that’s the question, isn’t it.’ Dusk’s comment couldn’t help but bounce happily around in my mind. I guess she knew that it was pointless, but that’s the part that matters. In the noisy nothingness, Blue gets to choose what matters. Same with me, Hoarfrost, and even that mango lovin’ bitch. She’ll always be smarter than me and I’m glad.

Sea Mist pulled out the pencil and started writing in the margins. “Now this… is just in case you try to write me like a child again! Because all this in here is a crime.”

I hate me.

Hell, that could be my catchphrase.

All the mistakes, frankly stupid decisions, still led me here. I can’t change that, but I get to choose what matters. Still can’t help but hate me. Doesn’t matter if you dream of helping others, that doesn’t change you, idiot. I’d need to fix myself first before anything else.

I grabbed my PDA to glance at the clock:

January 1st | 12:00 a.m.

But after today. It’s his birthday today…