Chapters Applejack leaned against the passenger door of the old pickup truck, getting jostled about as the vehicle hit various bumps and dips in the road. Silence hung heavy and almost deafening in the air as she gazed out at the passing scenery she had been familiar with since she was a small child. Rides to and from town were not normally so deathly still, even when it was like today and it was just herself and her brother. The truck was usually filled with conversation...a bit one sided on Applejack's part since Big Mac was not a big talker.
But today there was no conversation. No playful, mostly one sided banter. No affectionately irritated glares from the young man behind the wheel. His eyes were locked on the road ahead, and if one looked closely enough there was a shimmer of unshed tears. He was chewing on a toothpick in place of his customary blade of straw, his jaw clenching tighter than it normally would. His large hands gripped the wheel with enough force that it was astonishing it didn't break off in his grasp.
Applejack tore her gaze from the surrounding countryside and forced herself to look at her brother.
"Big Mac? You gonna be ok?"
"Nope."
"Sorry..."
"Ain't your fault."
"But if I weren't sick-"
"Ain't. Your. Fault." He threw a look over at her, one if mixed pain and determination.
Applejack slumped in her seat. "Gonna have to tell Granny an' AB."
"Eeyup."
"Big Mac?"
"Eeyup?"
"I know you ain't much of a talker, but just this once, could ya help me?"
He locked his eyes briefly into hers before he refocused on the road.
"Eeyup."
Applejack gazed out her window, feeling her chest tighten at the thought of the conversations to come, not just with her family but with her friends. How did you tell the people you cared about that they were going to lose you? Her mind revisited the events of the last couple months and especially the past two days.
She didn't pay much attention to the onset of pain in her muscles and joints, chalking it up to being sore from a lot of extra farm work that had to be done. She also didn't think much of the tiredness or the frequent feelings of weakness. She assumed she was working too hard and slowed her farm chores a bit to help combat the problem.
Increasing fatigue and weakness had driven Applejack to finally tell her family she felt off. She tried resting a few days, which only seemed to help a small bit, her symptoms gradually just getting worse until it took nearly as much effort to get dressed in the mornings as it did to run around the farm chasing an escaped animal.
Then frequent and vicious nosebleeds started. She began showing signs of easy bruising, noticed by Big Mac when he playfully punched her in the shoulder and his large fist left a rapidly darkening mark when it shouldn't have. Granny chalked this up to not enough vitamins, and increased her granddaughter's vegetable intake. Or tried to. Applejack was also suffering from loss of appetite, which was leading to her losing weight, and rather quickly.
The final straw was when she suffered a massive nosebleed at school combined with excessive dizziness that led to her actually passing out in the cafeteria. It was then that Granny, finally realizing that this was something far worse than low vitamin intake, made an appointment with the doctor. Having suffered a tumble down the front porch steps that had pulled several muscles in her back, Granny could not go along with Applejack to the hospital, and Apple Bloom chose to stay home to help her grandmother. Applejack had told none of her friends about the appointment yet, wanting to wait til afterwards.
Big Mac drove his sister to the hospital and stayed with her while the doctors did blood work and took various scans. It took literally hours, and she ended up staying overnight. The following day, late in the morning, one of the doctors strode into the room looking grimmer than she had ever seen a doctor look.
"Miss Applejack." He said regretfully. "We have finally gotten the test results and blood work results back."
"And?" Applejack said worriedly. "What is it? Did ya find what's wrong?"
"Yes. We did." He inhaled deeply. "Do you want the bad news first or the partially good news?"
Big Mac stepped up to his sister's side, clamping his hand on her shoulder for support as the emerald eyes that matched his sibling's stared the doctor down. Applejack swallowed hard.
"What's the bad news?"
"Bad news is you have acute lukemia, and from the looks of it, a highly advanced case."
Applejack blinked. "What...what's that?"
"To put it simply, it's a cancer of the blood or lymphatic system. Yours is acute and advanced, which means you're really sick and probably going to die."
His bedside manner left alot to be desired, but he believed in being brutally honest. He wasn't entirely without feelings, but patients deserved to know EXACTLY what was wrong with them.
Big Mac's hand tightened on her shoulder as Applejack inhaled sharply.
"A-and the good news?"
"We need to run a few more tests just be sure how advanced this is, but we can start you on treatment. However..." He leaned towards her, his grey eyes boring into her green ones, "...I can't garuntee you that you are going to survive this illness. Like I said, its very advanced, we can tell that even without the tests but we'll know how much later. And your chances of surviving it at this stage are, well, truthfully very low."
"So you can treat it but...it might not work?"
"Pretty much. At the very least its probably only going to extend your life by a few extra months, but beyond that I just don't know."
"If it doesn't work, h-how long?"
The doctor pinched the bridge of his nose and inhaled, releasing it with a low sigh.
"My best guess? If the treatment doesn't work, then roughly six months to a year...depending on if you take it easy. If you don't slow down and you keep trying to work and do all the things you're used to, then I can't really say."
Applejack heaved a shuddering breath, attempting to not fall apart.
"Thanks, Doc. Um...can...can I just go home? I ain't fond of hospitals."
"Sure. I'll schedule you for the follow-up tests for next week. Go home, Applejack. Be with your family."
The doctor left the room, and Applejack slowly stood up. She turned to her brother, who looked as stricken by the news as she felt. Reaching out, she tucked her arm through his, releasing a tired sigh.
"Let's go home, big brother. Ain't gonna spend another second here."
He wordlessly escorted her from the room and out of the building, both of them struggling to process what they had just heard.
The truck rolled to a complete stop in front of the farmhouse, jerking Applejack back to reality with a start. She stared at the house for the longest time, the faint sound of happy laughter drifting out through the open front windows and in to the open truck window, making her smile sadly. In a few seconds she was going to have to leave the comfort of the truck and go break the news she would rather never speak of.
Big Mac exited the truck and came around to the passenger side, tugging her door open and holding it for her. She took a deep breath and slowly slid from her seat, legs nearly buckling as she touched ground. Big Mac's strong arms caught her, holding her steady until she got her balance. He shut the door and kept his arm around her waist to support her as they walked up to the farmhouse door and went inside.
Applejack heaved a sigh and tugged her stetson lower over her eyes to keep the sun from blinding her. It had been almost a month since her diagnosis, and her entire family plus most of her friends had been informed of it. There was one left to tell, and at the same time she knew she needed to tell her something else as well.
She leaned against the lone apple tree on the hilltop overlooking the farm, waiting. Next to her a picnic lunch was spread out, courtesy of Granny Smith. Winona lay close by, alert to any dangers or visitors, and her sudden happy bark let Applejack know that one of her friends was approaching.
Good. It was about time.
"Heya AJ!" Rainbow announced, dropping onto the blanket next to her. "Sorry it took so long, ran home to shower and change after soccer practice."
"Nah, it's fine, sugarcube." Applejack flashed her a smile.
"Ohhh, a picnic lunch, huh? What's the occasion?"
"I gotta tell ya somethin', but first let's eat this food before it draws in critters. Granny didn't fix this here lunch for every creature on the farm!"
Rainbow laughed and nabbed a sandwich, chowing down hungrily. Applejack ate far more slowly, somehow surprising herself by finishing an entire sandwich and a small sliver of spiced apple cake.
"That was delicious." Rainbow stated at last, flopping onto her back with her arms tucked under her head. "Granny's apple cake is the best ever!"
Applejack leaned back against the tree trunk behind her, gazing out over the farm. She knew she should just get this over with, but somehow she couldn't force herself to shatter Rainbow's moment of peaceful content. Not yet.
"How was practice?" She asked.
"It was awesome!" Rainbow replied, snickering. "Though one of the team forgot to dodge when he should and got slammed by the ball right in a preeeety uncomfortable spot to be hit."
"Tarnation. He ok?"
"Oh yeah, he's fine. Nurse said he'd be back to normal by tomorrow."
Applejack snorted. "Guess he'll pay better attention next time."
Rainbow eyed her. "Ok AJ, enough small talk. I know you didn't ask me out here for a picnic and all just to talk soccer. What gives?"
Applejack drew a breath, tugging her hat lower, fingers lingering on the brim and rubbing it absently. It was time to tell the truth, all of it. No holding back.
"Do ya remember all my health problems?"
"Yeah?"
"Granny finally had me go to the doctor. They did tests an' all, multiple tests, an' well..." Applejack hesitated.
Rainbow pushed herself upright, gazing at her in growing worry.
"What did they say? Did they find what's wrong?"
Applejack's emerald eyes met her magenta ones.
"I...I got acute lukemia. Really advanced they said."
Rainbow paled at this. "That's...cancer."
"Yeah."
"One of my distant cousins had it." Rainbow mumbled. "And he...he didn't make it."
"They started me on treatment to try an' help but..." Applejack trailed off.
"Applejack."
The farmer lifted her gaze to Rainbow's, flinching at her stricken expression.
"Applejack, tell me the truth. Just...how bad?"
"I had another appointment yesterday. T-the doctor said that the treatment isn't working...so..." She inhaled, eyes watering. "He said there's about six months, maybe a year. If I take it easy and not do much."
Rainbow stared into the distance, not moving, looking like she wanted to cry but was fighting to keep it together for her friend's sake.
"The only one I ain't told was you." Applejack murmured, watching the girl she had loved for so long try not to fall apart.
Rainbow's chest was constricting painfully, the thought of losing one of her closest friends....not to mention someone she had deep feelings for. No one knew that, except Fluttershy. She inhaled, the effort sending a sharp pain through her lungs.
"You should spend it doing what you love." She finally said shakily. "Whatever you want to do, AJ, no matter what it is. We'll go on a hike, or camping, or take a trip to explore the world."
"I want to spend it with you." Applejack said softly.
Rainbow blinked. "Well yeah, I mean, that's why I said we-"
"I gotta tell ya somethin' else. If I'm dying I don't wanna spend the rest of my time hiding things from you." Applejack stared into the confused eyes looking back at her. "Rainbow. I love you. Have for a long time. Just never got enough courage up to tell ya. But I'm in love with you. Very much in love."
Rainbow blinked again, breath catching as she took this in. Applejack was in love with her. Her longtime crush actually loved her. She finally mustered up enough wits to speak.
"Applejack, I..."
"It's..ok if you don't feel the same, but I just don't wanna hide it anymore."
"No! I do!" Rainbow winced at her own volume. "I mean, I do. I feel...Applejack, I've had feelings for you for ages. I just never said anything because, well, I was too scared."
"You mean you..?"
"I love you too, AJ. With all my heart."
Applejack threw her arms around her, pulling her over onto her, hugging her as tightly as her frail arms would let her. Rainbow returned it, hugging back for all she was worth, as if she would never let go. She drew her head back and looked into the watery eyes, hesitating briefly, then placed a gentle kiss on the farm girl's lips. Applejack caught her breath, the contact sending an electric jolt through her body.
This just felt so right.
Arms encircling Rainbow's neck, she kissed her back softly, not wanting it to end. Rainbow's lips were soft, warm, and inviting, and she savoured them, able to detect the still lingering taste of apple cake. All too soon they broke apart, and Rainbow leaned her head against Applejack's.
"For as long as we have, for the rest of your life, I will love you." She whispered. "I will hold you and comfort you and just be here for you. I love you."
"I love you too." Applejack sighed softly. "I dunno exactly how long...but I do know I just wanna to spend my time with you. Wanna laugh with you and be with you."
"Then you will be."
"Rainbow?"
"Yeah?"
"Will you kiss me again? Slowly? Somehow it slows time and...I wanna treasure all the time I have with you."
Rainbow had no objections, her lips meeting those of her new girlfriend immediately. And as Applejack wished, they kissed slowly under the shade of the apple tree, lost in each other, not paying attention to time in the slightest.
Slow kisses. These were what Rainbow would remember the most. Not whatever crazy adventures they had, not whatever insignificant arguments, but these slow and tender kisses that felt like pure heaven.
Applejack sighed in contentment as they broke apart yet again, then together they watched the sun slowly fade away down the horizon, their arms wrapped around each other.
Brrrriiing!
Rainbow groaned and reached over to her night table, capturing her phone and flipping it on.
"Hello." She managed groggily.
"Rainbow..." the pained younger version of Applejack's voice yanked Rainbow from sleepiness immediately.
"Apple Bloom. What's wrong?"
"Sh-she's in the hospital."
Rainbow knew.
"I'll be there in ten."
Standing at the side of the hospital bed, her hand gently wrapped around the thin, frail one of her girlfriend, Rainbow was fighting back tears with all she had but losing the battle rapidly.
They had shared almost eight wonderful months together. Going places, having parties with their friends, and spending warm afternoons or evenings in their spot on the hill, sharing slow kisses like Applejack liked. Rainbow had watched her grow weaker and thinner and become unable to do much at all except lay there. Rainbow always layed with her, arms wrapped around her fragile body, holding her. And Applejack would fall asleep safe and loved.
She barely registered the presence of her other friends, all of them in tears. Granny Smith and Big Mac were also there, and Apple Bloom was crying by the window. According to the doctors, Applejack didn't have long. She could slip away any moment.
Applejack's eyes fluttered open, bleary gaze taking in each person in the room before settling on Rainbow. Her lips formed a weak smile.
"Sugarcube."
Rainbow leaned closer as the others came up to the bedside.
"Rainbow...let me...have a minute with the girls." Applejack whispered.
Rainbow slipped out, Granny, Apple Bloom and Big Mac following. It didn't take long for the girls to come out, tears streaming down their faces, and the Apple family members went in. They called everyone else back in a few minutes later, and Applejack smiled wearily at her girlfriend.
Rainbow leaned over her, holding her hand. "Hey."
"Hey Rainbow." Applejack convulsed as a harsh cough wracked her body. "Can I ask somethin'?"
"Anything, AJ, whatever you need."
"Can you just...hold me? Like always?"
Rainbow swallowed hard. "Sure I can."
She eased carefully onto the hospital bed, stretching out alongside her girlfriend and gently taking her in her arms. Applejack laid her head on her chest, smiling faintly at the strong heartbeat. The others in the room were desperately trying to hold in sobs at the bittersweet sight.
"I love you." Applejack murmured weakly.
"I love you too, Applejack. With all my heart."
With all the heart that was shattering into a million pieces.
"Rainbow?"
"Yeah?"
"Kiss me slowly?"
Rainbow was falling apart internally, but managed to avoid breaking outwardly, gently lifting Applejack's head and softly pressing her lips to hers, kissing her slowly just like always.
Their audience looked away momentarily to give them privacy. Once Rainbow's lips left Applejack's, the others looked back. The farmer had a sweet, content smile on her face as she barely managed to nestle her head against Rainbow's chest, still looking at her face. Try as she might, the prismatic haired girl could not hide the shimmer of tears in her eyes. Applejack managed to bring her hand up to weakly stroke her girlfriend's cheek.
"Shh. 's'ok, sugarcube. Ain't gonna be fully gone. Still gonna be in your heart. Always."
"I know. But...I'm still gonna miss you."
"You'll find me in spirit, in our spot. In the wind that blows. And in the beauty of our sunset, Rainbow. Never forget that." Applejack yawned, voice growing weaker. "I'm mighty tired...reckon I'm gonna take a little nap..."
Rainbow's self control was shattering, tears trickling from her eyes as she watched the emerald orbs of her beloved sweetheart slowly slip closed. Applejack's breathing was shallow, the heart monitor slowing its beeping gradually.
Beep. A pause.
Beep. A longer pause.
Beep. The longest pause yet.
Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
Rainbow broke completely at the flatline noise, crying as she held the limp form closer to her, the others in the room finally yeilding to their own grief as they all burst into the sobs they'd been holding back the entire time. No one even noticed when the nurse quietly slipped in and flicked the heart monitor off before silently leaving again.
Rainbow sat in the shade of their apple tree, red rimmed eyes gazing out over the landscape as fresh tears dried on her cheeks. She was holding a picture of her girlfriend close to her chest, every beat of her heart seeming so very painful.
The wind rustled through the tree leaves and the grasses, and out in the distance the sun was slowly slipping down behind the blanket of the horizon. Rainbow inhaled, then slowly stood and walked several feet from their special spot. She turned, and stared at the area. In her mind's eye she could see herself and Applejack, laying in the lush grass in the shade, laughing about something. She could see Applejack's cute smile. And most of all she could see them, pressed close together, sharing the slow kisses that seemed to fully stop time.
She turned, gazed at the sunset, and offered a weak smile as Applejack's words replayed in her mind.
"You'll find me in spirit, in our spot. In the wind that blows. And in the beauty of our sunset, Rainbow. Never forget that."
And somehow, through the sadness and pain, she knew it was true. The wind rustled by, and a leaf that was captured by the breeze lightly brushed past her lips, as if Applejack had found a way to give a final kiss to let her know she was ok.
