“Flam!”

Sunlander blasted the ornate wooden doors to the CEO’s office open. She let her burning mane and tail singe the oak as the doors rebounded off their stopper-limits. She hoped that her entrance had interrupted something important—she wanted to remind this arrogant stallion just who she was.

Her eyes raced across the beautiful corporate office, glowing red and emitting a pair of little laser dots as they did, menacingly confirming to anypony that they were indeed targets should her gaze fall upon them.

“Holy shit!”

This first squeak immediately drew her ire, and she turned to look at the fool who’d dared to utter it, only to see to her disappointment that it was not Flam, but his secretarial assistant, Svengallop.

She ignored him, pathetic insect that he was, and confidently trotted forward, seeing the pale-yellow coat of Flam behind his expensive glass desktop. She let her hooves ignite flash-fires on the mink rug as she went, not bothering to quell the surging heat-energy thrumming from her core. She wanted Flam to be scared.

To her dismay, he wasn’t.

The aging, silver-maned, business-suit-wearing pony looked up at her lazily, more bored than anything else, cold and uncaring at her dramatic overtures.

“Hello Sunlander, we were just talking about you.”

She flicked a wing, sending one of the chairs in front of the desk spiraling out of the way to slam against a wall, cracking into the drywall. She swung her free hoof down with a mighty slam, hard enough to make the tempered glass of the desktop burst into a spiderweb of cracks, without actually shattering it.

“Would you mind toning down the fire? If the sprinklers go off it will just create a mess of this paperwork.” Flam’s bored ask came as he sank back in his chair, looking out of his window as if Sunlander weren’t even there.

He was so calm, so collected, so devoid of life that she didn’t know how to react. Her fire naturally dimmed.

“Don’t fuck with me, Flam.” She snarled, tapping the desk and trying to build herself back up, “I just came from the tower, from fucking Quadra. Who the fuck thought they had any right to even think about who would be a member of my superteam, let alone actually putting some hornless feather-peasant on it without even telling me!?”

Sunlander’s screams got louder and louder as she went, until the walls were starting to shake with her fury.

Still bored, impassionate, and uncaring, Flam shrugged and gestured over at Svengallop. “I believe Svengallop here is the current coordinator of the Friendship Four department.”

Besides having wet himself, the stallion seemed to be slink-crawling toward the door, trying to quietly make his escape from what was likely the most dangerous situation he’d ever been in.

“This fucking little bitch?” Sunlander whirled, snagging the hapless pony in her telekinetic grasp instantly, making sure to hold him by his rear hooves so that he hung upside-down. “Please tell me this pathetic pony is a mare, I can’t tell with these pants.”

Celestia tugged downward, ripping off the suit-bottoms and exposing Svengallop’s pathetically small organs, shriveled in fear and absolute terror.

“Holy FUCKING Goddesses, you’re kidding me. A fucking stallion made a call that overrode me? I know you keep going on with this diversity bullshit but this is just ridiculous. HA! HAHAHA!” She maniacally laughed, her eyes twisted in a paroxysm of rage.

Flam just shrugged again. “I’m a stallion.”

“Don’t you fucking start.” Sunlander turned back to Svengallop, “And who do you think you are? Hmm, Mr. Big Strong Stud? Did you think that because you’ve managed to crawl on top of some ditzy fillies from the corporate secretary pool that you actually had some kind of right to think?”

“N-no, I—”

“SHUT YOUR DAMN MUZZLE, SLUG” Celestia screamed, letting a wash of her energy sizzle over the terrified pony. “You bucking stallions, all these millennia… I let you all get away with so much even though you contribute so little. Scurrying around chasing your bits and fucking around while real mares put their lives on the line!”

“P-please.”

“No. NO,” Celestia growled. “It’s bullshit. You want to be somepony? You want to play with the big girls at the top of the corporate ladder? You should mare up! You know what? I’ll do you a favor, stud. Let me help you channel your inner mare.”

Sunlander’s energy condensed in front of Svengallop, forming a razor-sharp buzzing field of thaumic energy in the shape of a pair of golden garden shears. She swung the implement up, carefully placing it so that it encompassed all of Svengallop’s stallionhood and testicles. As the glowing buzz of energy touched his tan genitalia, it immediately nicked him and a crimson line of running blood began to form.

“Ah, if you don’t mind. Could you do that in the executive washroom?” Flam asked, bored, still looking out the window. “The tiles there will clean up so much nicer than the rug you’re about to make a mess of.”

Celestia looked with fury at the bored executive. Why wouldn’t he react!? Anger, fear… anything… something!

“Fine,” she growled, letting the golden shears vanish in a flash of golden energy. “No problem.”

Svengallop gasped, the first breath he’d taken since being snagged. Urine was running down his upside-down body now, trickling to the rug below.

“Oh, you’re not getting off that easy, little stud.” Celestia snarled, hearing the gasp.

Her eyes flashed an incandescent, bright white, bathing the hapless stallion’s lower body in a swathe of crackling light. She counted to three in her head, then snapped off all of her magic, letting him fall to a heap on the ground.

“W-what… what was that?” he squeaked, getting up shakily.

“Radiation sterility treatment.” Celestia grinned, nodding with her chin at the door. “I fried your sausage and eggs so that you won’t be able to spread your weak, retarded genes amongst my ponies ever again. If you get ball-cancer… even better.”

“F-fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” Svengallop clapped a hoof to his body, shakily making his way out of the partially destroyed office as quickly as he could.

“Subtle as always,” Flam sighed, shaking his head and glancing around at his destroyed office space.

Celestia was furious. Inside she boiled. She hated that he never flinched in front of her. Not even once revealing himself to be an actual fucking pony. No emotions, just like some kind of soulless automaton.

Flam glanced back at the paperwork on his desk, reaching down to begin signing and marking up some of the documents there. “I assume you wanted something?” he asked, without even looking up at her.

Why isn’t he afraid? Why?

“Flam, you know… I just don’t think this company is treating me very well.” Sunlander plopped down in one of the conference area’s armchairs, trying to affect the same calm and collected tone that was so effective at getting under her fur. “Sure, the compensation is great, and I appreciate the steady supply of Compound F… but not consulting me on a change to the members of my team? That makes me feel like I’m not a partner in this.”

“You’re not. You’re an employee.” Flam replied, without even a hint of emotion. “Even I report to the shareholders.”

Bullshit. I’m sure you own most of the stock.

“I’m not just another employee Flam.”

Flam put on a sickly sweet, fake smile and mumbled with boredom. “Of course, everypony here at Flamco appreciates everything y—”

“No.” Celestia cut him off, shaking a hoof at him. “I am Flamco. You show a picture of me to some illiterate Saddle-Arabian piece of camel-dung in the desert and they’ll nod and smile and say ‘Sunlander, Princess of the World’...”

“Of course.” Flam shrugged, looking back down at his work.

Fucking asshole.

“Well. That fact aside. My contract is coming up for renewal this year. I’ve heard some good offers from other organizations. Jackpot Inc. out in Las Pegasus has been burning up the phone lines with Raven.”

“Mm-hmm?”

“What if were to say… move on? How do you think your shareholders will react to that?”

Flam looked up at her, staring at her now. Not saying a single thing.

Almost a minute passed.

Finally, Flam spoke. “Tell me, Sunlander. Do you know much about my brother, Flim?” He gestured over at one wall, which sported a nearly life-size portrait of the non-mustachioed twin-brother of the CEO… though he was sporting a barbershop-quartet-styled jacket and bowtie, complete with a straw hat.

Celestia scoffed. “Oh, sure… maybe… I’ve only read his autobiography maybe… nine times.” She’d done so out of respect for the visionary pony, who’d managed over the course of only a few months to invent a potion that the wisest wizards still couldn’t understand, establish a company that now had more market value than all other organizations combined, and fundamentally change the world.

“Oh, not that self-serving crap that we peddle to the shareholders. The real story.”

“Go ahead, enlighten me.”

“Well, for starters, Flim actually wasn’t around after inventing Compound F. He fell into the vat of thaumato-dissolving acids when we were preparing it all those many years ago. I still remember his screams as his essence was absorbed into the very liquid.” Flam stared at the wall, as if he could still hear those screams.

“Imagine my surprise when the concoction turned out to empower ponies, mares specifically, with power levels beyond their wildest imaginations… bringing them to new heights of untouchable strength, speed, and magic… along with some rather interesting superheroine quirks.”

“You made a good buck off him, didn’t you?” Celestia nodded at the painting on the wall, hoping her dagger of an insult would land. “Your brother’s essence has created billions of dollars of value for your company.”

“Actually, I made about $1500 off of Flim. One stallion does not actually convert to that much energy. But that $1500 was just enough to get the funds to get an audience with Lord Tirek, and for me to steal the secret of mana-draining and adapt it to gathering stallion essence without killing off the subjects.”

“Ah.”

“Fast forward a few years, and with a steady flow of stallions into Flamco’s private prison system, and the legally-sanctioned virility draining walls… well, we now have a steady flow of Compound F that is worth, as you said… billions.”

“Well, as fascinating as this informative and slightly condescending lecture is… I fail to see the point, Flam.”

Flam walked up and crossed his arms, staring down at Celestia. “The point is, that you are under the misconception that we are a super-heroine company. We are not. We are a pharmaceutical company.”

Sunlander blinked, trying to understand where this was going.

“And you are not our most valuable asset. That would be our confidential formula for Compound F… and Compound M.”

Sunlander grimaced, unsure how to respond.

“That’s right… the analogue to Compound F… which you, arrogant mare-child that you are, leaked into the wild.”

A bead of sweat popped out on Celestia’s forehead. He knows.

“I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Flam blinked, still calm and composed, but the fury in his eyes starting to almost shine forth. “Well, let me remind you then. You stole Compound M from our labs, and slipped it to disgruntled stallions and terrorists around the world to make villians for you and your friends to fight against and get the love of your adoring public… but maybe at the expense of the whole company.”

Sunlander’s mane flamed back into fire and she launched herself to her hooves, trotting across the floor in two bounds and glaring down Flam with furious, righteous fervor.

“I don’t think I like your tone, sir.”

“And I don’t like that the Royal-Drug-Administration will soon know about compound M.” Flam rolled his eyes and turned away, “For the record, you’re not even our most valuable superheroine, you know.”

Unforgivable.

Celestia’s eyes turned a bright red, powering up their incineration ray capability. “Oh really? You don’t think I could take down MidKnight? Or Mystic Magician?”

“Not them, either.”

Sunlander moved with purpose, just under the speed of light as she snapped forward and directly into the personal space of Flam the mere ambient heat from the glow of her eyes singing his facial hair.

“Tell me again why I don’t just melt you into a puddle of slop.”

Flam, completely unperturbed, simply allowed himself to blink lazily.

“Well, first because you’re too cowardly to actually do it. To actually become the villain you really are.”

She laughed, shaking her head. “You poor, foolish stallion. I’ve been alive for millennia. I’ve been God-Princess and Demon-Princess to countless civilizations that have fallen into the dustbin of history, leaving only me and my sister behind. I’m not afraid of donning the mantle of devil once more.”

Flam’s impassive face faltered, ever so slightly.

Fucking FINALLY.

But it almost immediately returned to its placid, uncaring, relaxed state.

“Second, I don’t actually care if you kill me. I’ve had everything that I could want in this world… and the only thing it cost me was the one thing that I really needed.” He glanced over at his brother’s portrait.

Annoying. But she’d murdered apathetic ponies before. Her eyes powered up, screeching now with white-hot, incinerating energy.

She was committed now, she’d burn this pony and then burn the world down. Starting over as she had many a time before. Nothing could stop her.

“Last, because I have the ability to give you. Eternal, immortal God-Princess, the one thing that you have always wanted in this world.”

Celestia stopped.

Author's Note

Hey everyone, hope you like my take on 'The BOYS' set in MLP.

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