Twilight Sparkle Lost Her Marble

"It's so easy, you see
To cross the fine line in front of me

-Julien-K, "Systeme de Sexe"

“The pedigree of the royal family of Equestria traces itself to the noble Alicorns, but very few Alicorns still exist—“

Luna, Celestia, and Cadence, basically, Twilight noted—

“—due to the recessive nature of Alicorn traits and interbreeding with other kinds of ponies. The line of royals currently standing to inherit the throne, for example, have been unicorns for centuries, though genetic testing and phenotypic evidence suggest that most descendents of this line are heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation.

Twilight shifted in her seat and continued reading, wondering what it was about Blueblood that signaled he might have some Alicorn in him. Twilight snickered at that. Alicorn in him. He did seem pretty gay, didn’t he? Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it made her chuckle to think of the haughty noble being mounted by another steed. Oh, but who would be funniest? Maybe a country bumpkin pony like Big Mac. Yeah, a big, strong stud like Big Mac…

She shook her head. That was ridiculous. For one, Big Mac seemed to have a lot of interest in fillies. For two, so did Blueblood. For three, why the hay was she thinking about stallions having sex? She shifted in her seat again, trying to get comfortable, and settled back into reading.

“Individuals who are heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation are thought to show extraordinary magical ability, even if they would not normally have access to magic. Some also show unusually diverse magic, magics unfamiliar to their race. For example, a large number of the allegedly precognitive earth pony miners of Fillydelphia have tested positive for the mutation relative to the rest of the population in the region.”

Hey, isn’t Pinkie’s rock farm outside of Fillydelphia? She thought. And I’m probably heterozygous for the Alicorn mutation given my magical abilities. …wonder if there are any nice stallions out that way. Wait, what?

Twilight stood up and shook her head. “What the hay is wrong with me? I can’t focus on anything!”

Spike looked up from the comic book he was flipping through, and Twilight found herself a little embarrassed that she’d spoken out loud. “…Are you hungry?” he asked.

“No. I just ate an hour ago.”

“Thirsty?”

Twilight glared slightly, levitating her cup of tea into view.

“Went to the bathroom?”

“I just went an hour ago, too!“ Despite her protests, Twilight searched her body for signs that maybe she needed to use the bathroom, and her search came up positive. Without saying anything more, she went off to take care of business.

When she was done, she realized that the tense feeling hadn’t gone away.

So she marched over to the phone, put in a call to the local clinic, and set up an appointment for the following afternoon, grumbling.

Then she came back to her book.

“I don’t know how you can forget your body like that,” the dragon quipped.

Twilight snorted angrily, unsurprised he’d say something like that. “I didn’t forget my body; it really was just an hour!” Hearing the shrillness of her own voice, she noted more quietly, “I have an appointment at the clinic tomorrow.”

Spike frowned sympathetically, his eyes going wide. “No wonder you’re so grumpy. I’ll run to the market and get you some cranberries…. But I’ll top off your tea first.” He hopped up from his seat and walked toward the kitchen.

She couldn’t help but smile as he left the room. So generous, just like Rarity. When he’s older, Twilight realized, that’s going to be a heck of a pairing. That is, if Rarity doesn’t find some other stud first. At least she’s not interest in Blueblood. If he’s heterozygous for alicorn and I’m heterozygotic for alicorn, maybe we should have foals together for scie-

Twilight bashed her head into the table, enjoying the clarity of the pain and allowing it to flow through her. It made her realize that her head wasn’t the only thing that hurt; her back was bothering her too. This was a horrible day to study. She should be in bed, but just the thought of being alone in her bedroom sent a chill through her. This was not a time to be alone. The very thought of being alone made tears start to well up in her eyes.

“Twlight?”

Something reached into her mane and she jumped, screaming. Spike started screaming too, falling backward.

“What’s wrong? Twilight?”

“I need to get some air. Come on, Spike. We’re going to market.” Twilight stomped out the door. It seemed to her like it took forever for Spike to finally follow, but as she heard rustling she realized he was grabbing their stockpile of bits. Very good. Why didn’t she think of that?

“Oh, I would love buy some Fuji apples. I hate to bother you but… do you think that maybe you can grow them, or trade for some, or tell me how I can get ahold of them? Please?” Fluttershy lowered her head, looking up at her friend with wide blue eyes.

Applejack frowned, lowering her head a little. “What? Are you saying that our apples ain’t good enough?”

Big Mac gave his sister a warning glare. “Nope,” he noted, turning to smile at Fluttershy.

“Not at all! It’s just that different kinds of apples have different flavors, and Angel really wants to eat some Fuji apples.”

“Fluttershy, we’ve been through this before. You can’t just cater to yer bunny’s every whim!”

“But he has a craving…” She dug at the ground.

“We all got cravings, darlin’. Ya can’t always give in to ‘em.”

“He’s a bunny.” Fluttershy looked at AJ intently, her gaze only short of a glare by the impassive, friendly expression of her face.

While the girls argued, Big Mac raised his head, smiling. “Howdy, Twilight. Lookin’ for some apples?”Applejack raised an eyebrow at her brother’s speech, glancing at him.

“No, not really… but they sound really good.” She smiled easily, approaching Mac’s side of the stand. “What are you offering today?”

Spike ran up. “Uh, Twilight, shouldn’t we just get what we came for and go home?”

“I don’t want to be cooped up in the house all day, Spike,” she noted sweetly, not taking her eyes off the red stallion.

“Now why would you have to be cooped up in the house all day?” Mac asked, leaning forward a little. His sister’s eyebrow raised further before the eyes beneath them finally rolled.

“I’m a little under the weather,” Twilight noted, stepping closer to the stand, her voice softening.

“Hello, Twilight,” Fluttershy greeted.

“Hi, Fluttershy,” she dismissed. “So what are you selling today, Big Mac?”

“Oh, just our usual red delicious. You know what they say,” he said warmly, “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.”

Applejack stomped suddenly. “Mac! You were supposed to pick Apple Bloom up from school!”

The other ponies all turned to look at her, surprised.

“Uh… nope?”

“Yes, you were! Now git your tail over there before she wonders where ya are!”

With a heavy sigh and just a hint of an eyeroll, Big Mac answered, “Yup,” before dashing off.

“I could go with you?” Twilight offered ineffectually as he disappeared behind a corner.

“Twilight,” Applejack commanded, exasperated, “go git whatever it is you came for, and I’ll drop some apples at your house once the market closes, ok?”

She started to protest, but the little dragon started pulling her away.

“Oh dear,” Fluttershy noted.

“You’re tellin’ me. That coulda been bad.”

“…well… I don’t really see how. I mean… Big Mac is very kind…”

“He’s my brother!” Applejack shouted, shrinking down behind the table as the customers and keepers of the surrounding stalls turned to look.

“I guess that would be a little weird. I’m going to go take care of some things, but first, I’ll take a bushel of apples. And if you could please just help me find out where to get the other apples some other day, I would really appreciate that.”

Berryshine lifted the bucket out of the ice box. “That’ll be five bits. Can I ask what it’s for?”

Twilight frowned, looking down and shuffling her hoof. “Medical reasons. They say it helps.”

“Well then , that’ll be four bits,” the vendor corrected, smiling sympathetically. She tossed her hair out of her eyes. “I know how you feel.”

“Thanks.”

“Is that why your family got into growing cranberries, Berryshine?” Spike asked. Twilight cringed, mortified, but the unicorn just laughed, tossing her sleek, purple mane again.

“I think it is!” She shook her head, chuckling. “Luckily that trait doesn’t seem to breed true, but I guess I had to get some bad luck in exchange for my good looks.” She lifted her chin up, posing.

Spike snickered. “You look just like Twilight. Same colors and everything.”

“Sure sure does,” the stallion next Berryshine said with an odd grin before making a horrified face, letting his white mane fall over his eyes.

“Classy, bro,” Berryshine chided, snickering.

“I don’t think he meant it badly, did you?” Twilight asked, stepping a little closer to the booth. Berrywhite looked up at her, a true, toothy smile breaking over his broad face.

“Brother dear, why don’t you start loading up the cart to go home?” Berryshine ordered, voice dropping to pitches Twilight thought were reserved only for stallions.

“Is it time to pack up yet?”

“Yes, it is.” She glared.

“It can’t be that late in the day already, can it?” Twilight asked, not taking her eyes off Berrywhite.

“It seems early, but it isn’t. Twilight, it’s been a pleasure meeting someone who looks so much like myself, and I do hope you feel better soon. But we’ve got to pack up.” She turned to her brother. “Berrywhite. Cart. Now.”

“Can we go home now, Twilight? We got the berries, and you’re acting really weird!”

Twilight stopped in her tracks. “What do you mean, acting really weird?”

Spike blinked, looking up at her. “Well, you ignored Fluttershy.”

“I didn’t ignore Fluttershy! I said hello.” Twilight stomped angrily, snorting.

“And then that was weird with the Berries.”

Twilight rolled her eyes, “Spike, Berrywhite was the one who made that weird. Berryshine was obviously grossed out.”

The little dragon put his head in his claws. “Twilight, I’m really worried about you. And I can tell you aren’t feeling well.” He looked back up at her and stepped closer. “I’m worried this is going to be like that time you were afraid of Magic Kindergarten.”

Twilight scoffed. “It is not going to be like that time. I don’t even feel that bad and I don’t have anything I have to do! I’ll write a letter to Princess Celestia about how important it is to listen to my friends when they’re worried about me. Lesson for the week. Done!” She breathed in deeply, shuddering.

“What’s wrong, Twilight?” Spike looked at her with those big eyes again. He took another step toward her, claw raised toward her foreleg, but then stopped suddenly, as if holding himself back. Twilight could still see his surprise when she jumped earlier in her mind’s eye. She wasn’t going to scare him again…

“I don’t know.” She hung her head. “I really don’t know what my problem is. Let’s go home and we’ll invite one of the girls over.” She considered offering Spike a ride on her back to try and make him feel better, but the cramping made her think better of it.

“Who should we ask? How about Rarity?”

Spike’s little crush on Rarity. Just thinking about looking at that gushy crap and hearing her call him “Spikey Wikey” right now turned her stomach.

“I think Rarity’s pretty busy with our dresses, Spike,” Twilight covered quickly. “How about Rainbow Dash? I can’t imagine she’s that busy right now…”

Twilight was really not sure what she was doing.

She’d arranged all the apples in the bowl, sorted them by color and size, put away all the books, and cleaned everything. It was the least she could do while waiting for Spike and Rainbow Dash to come home. It was the least she could do to keep her mind off the day’s events. Why was everyone so keen to get away from her? Why was Big Mac so talkative? Why was Berrywhite such a creep? Such a handsome, strong-looking creep who smelled like cranberries. The sharp, astringent smell made her think…

She shook her head. It was almost like she was in heat, but that had only happened once before, and she’d been following a perfectly regular schedule of glass marble IUD insertion since. She wasn’t due for a replacement until more than a month after the Gala, and that particular choice of birth control was practically side-effect free. She dismissed the thought and squirmed a bit where she stood, trying to stretch the cramp out of her back. Definitely a UTI, a pretty severe one if her back was bothering her. Probably fever, if her kidneys were involved. Would explain the listlessness, the silliness…

Before the door was even open she was standing in front of it, listening to the hinge creak. The blue Pegasus behind it gasped, her blue wings flying up next to her in shock. Something in the back of Twilight’s mind wanted to giggle about wingboners, but instead she squeaked happily.

“Rainbow Dash! How nice to see you! Come in! Applejack brought apples, would you like some?”

Rainbow blinked, frowning as she made her way in. “You ok, Twilight?”

“No. Not really.” Twilight drooped, smiling with embarrassment.

“Hey, hey, no need to be embarrassed. Just park it somewhere and we can read some Daring Do together!” Dash’s frown disappeared as she trotted over to the fiction shelves. “Least I can do after you got me into this stupid egghead nonsense!”

Twilight chuckled. “What one are you on?”

“Number ten.” She plucked it off the shelf and sat down at the table.

“Wow. Already?” Twilight sat down, eager for some distraction. “You’re really devouring them, Rainbow.”

The Pegasus sat up tall. “Yeah, I don’t waste any time getting what I want.” She leaned forward a little, her eyelids fluttering. Twilight blinked, unsure of what her friend was trying to say. Spike ran from the room, snickering.

“Rainbow… I think I missed the joke.” Twilight averted her eyes.

The Pegasus looked down a bit, squirming uncomfortably. “Yeah, it was kinda a dumb one. Don’t mind me. So uh, Chapter One: The Holy Trough…”

Dear Princess Celestia,

Today I learned an important lesson about friendship from watching Twilight. When your friends are upset, they don’t always know what’s bugging them. Sometimes you just have to keep talking until they get it, and sometimes you’ll figure it out before they do. I know it sounds like I’m talking about feelings and stuff, but I think this can go into body stuff too. Wonder if that’s a pony thing or a girl thing. Maybe that’s why doctors make so many bits.

Spike