It was late morning, the sun was already up.
Normally it would mean all in the Apple household would be up and working, but not this time. While the majority was up and about, one of them was still in her bed. Apple Bloom, the youngest of the Apple siblings, was still in bed. Normally she would already be up, do chores and so on, but her summer vacation had just begun.
Tradition true, she got to sleep in the first few days. This year however, she wasn't alone in that bed. Laying with her was a young stallion, blonde mane, blue eyes, and dark blonde coat. This was Ace, Apple Bloom's coltfriend.
The two had known each other for about three years, but only started dating a year ago, in their final year of school. Both 18, they had of course experimented a little, and at the night of graduation the two had taken the final step. The two were still very much in love, and even though they had different dreams for the future, it didn't stop them from supporting one another.
Ace wanted to become a royal guard, and Apple Bloom wanted to become a teacher. When summer vacation was over, he would leave for Canterlot, and she would start her internship at the school of friendship. So both had decided to make the most of the time they had.
Apple Bloom had her head on Ace's naked chest, snuggling herself close to the stallion. He was still sleeping, but the young farm girl had been up for maybe 15 minutes already. She listened to his heart beat, his steady breathing, enjoying the warmth of his body. Ace was muscular, he'd been training to join the royal guard since she met him, and his training had yielded tremendous results! While not as big as her brother, Apple Bloom still enjoys the feeling of his strong arms around her.
She bit her lower lip, running her right hand up his chest. A part of her was still al giddy about the fact she'd managed to lure the stallion from the guest room into her own, during the middle of the night. Ace was supposed to sleep in the room next door, but while everypony had been sleeping, she'd snuck in, and convinced him to sleep in her room.
He was so cute, having not been sure about it at first, but after a few sways of her rear end, he'd followed her like a puppy. Apple Bloom liked the fact he'd found her attractive, at times she had been worried she would never attract any stallion. Ace however, he'd found her not only cute, but down right hot. It had sent shivers through her whole body the first time he'd placed his big hands on her ass. A feature Scootaloo had always told her was the best in school. A fact that still made the mare blush.
Using her left hand, she lifted herself up slightly, moving forward and up towards his lips. The first few kisses were only quick pecks on the lips, but with each peck her lips lingered for longer and longer. When her coltfriend started to kiss back, her pecks became full kisses. Her lips pressed against his, tasting him. The sounds of the kisses were clear in the silent room, and as they continued, Apple Bloom positioned herself over Ace.
Her right leg was between his, but her body was still hovering above him. Still with his eyes closed, and still very much kissing, Ace's hands traveled down Apple Bloom's arched back, and found their way to her plump rear.
"Mmhh~!"
She moaned into the kiss when she felt his hands squeeze her ass. While his hands were big, they were not enough to cover her bubbly behind, something she knew he loved. The kiss grew in intensity, as Apple bloom opened her mouth and let her tongue meet his in a playful dance of passion.
This continued for maybe another minute, and then she pulled from the kiss, moving her head down beside his, and whispered in his ear. "Wakey-wakey, Acey~." She giggled, starting to lick his ear. She could hear his heavy breathing in her own ear, and it made her feel all hot and funny inside.
"Mmhh.. I'm awake.." He moaned, enjoying her treatment as he massaged her butt. None of them were naked, Apple Bloom wore a pair of panties, and a tank top. Ace on the other hand only wore boxers, leaving the rest of his muscular body on display for his marefriend.
Apple Bloom let out another giggle, then lifted herself up above him again. "Oh? Then you don't need my special wake up service." She teased, a playful spark in her eyes.
Ace looked up at her, smirking a bit himself as he ran his hands up her hips, and up her sides, then slowly back down again. "Mmm, maybe I'm still a little drowsy.."
Smirking, she leaned down and planted another kiss on his lips. "Then perhaps this will help you wake up~." she whispered, straddling him fully, sat up straight, and started to lift her top. Ace held his breath, watching as the fabric slowly moved up her flat stomach, up towards her still growing breasts. He just managed to see the underside of them, when a sudden knock interrupted them.
Apple Bloom let go of her top, and in panic, her hands flew to cover Ace's mouth. If Applejack found them in her bed, she would be furious. "Apple Bloom, you up yet?" The sister's voice came from outside.
"Y-yeah!" Apple Bloom called back.
"Well hurry up, remember you promised to take Granny to her appointment today. Big Mac is going with you." The mare explained through the door.
Being pinned to the bed by his marefriend, and the fact they were close to being discovered, was a surprising turn on for Ace. Not to mention that accent her older sister had, it made this whole scenario even hotter. Apple Bloom could feel his cock stiffen beneath her, as it moved up and poked her ass.
She blushed, looking down at her coltfriend with a smirk and a raised eyebrow. "I'll be out in a minute!" She called back, rocking her hips back and forth, grinding her bubbly butt against his bulge. With her hand over his mouth, she was able to keep his moans muffled.
"Don't be too long!" Applejack said, then walked away from the door.
Once her footsteps faded, Apple Bloom removed her hand from Ace's mouth, and kissed him deeply. Ace kissed her back, and the two rolled around for a few playful seconds before Apple Bloom started to get out of bed.
"Mmmh, got to.. *Smooch* Mmh.. Go.. *Smooch*" She finally got out of the bed, hurrying over to her closet and pulling out some clothes. Her back was turned towards the bed, and Ace had a great view of her ass while it jiggled around. Apple Bloom knew he was staring, but she didn't mind.
Finding some jeans, she stepped into them and started the process of pulling them up. Took a bit of work to get them over her butt, though after some wiggling around, she finally managed to pull them all the way up. Now they sat perfectly.. Like a paint job.
Ace sighed, watching her move around the room. "How long are you gone? Thought we could hang out today, maybe go for a swim?"
Apple Bloom turned to him, tying her pink bow into her mane. "You just want to see me in a bikini." She said, faking annoyance. "I would love to, but when it comes to Granny it can take some time.. Probably won't be back until later today."
"Okay, we'll figure it out later." Ace wasn't going to blame Apple Bloom for taking care of her Granny. he wasn't selfish like that, but he had hoped she could finish what she started before she left.
After putting on a bra, and a new top, she moved back to Ace. "I'll see you later." They shared one final kiss, and then she was gone.
Ace let out a sigh, wondering what he was going to do now? Thinking back, he remembered he was going to be alone on the farm with Applejack. Damn.. He had realized he had a crush on the older sister, but he felt ashamed of it. He loved Apple Bloom, of course he did! But, he could not help but admire Applejack, both for her personality, and for her looks..
Well, as long as he kept his distance, then he could focus on anything else than her!
Easy, right?
After making sure none of the Apple family members were near, Ace snuck back into his own room. Didn't take him long to get changed into something comfortable. A pair of shorts, and a tank top did the trick nicely.
He went downstairs, took an apple as breakfast, and went out on the porch to enjoy the sweet fruit. He sat down on the floor, not bothering with a chair. For several minutes, he just admired the green trees of the orchard, and took in the tranquility of life out here.
"Enjoying yourself?" Ace jumped a little at the sound of Applejack's voice. She came up from behind, and planted herself next to the young stallion. "Quite a sight, ain't it?"
Ace nodded. "Y-yeah."
Dammit, why did he always feel so nervous when talking to her? It was not like he was suddenly gonna jump her, so he should just calm down. Sadly, just being near her set off multiple thoughts and desires within him. Looking to his side, he noticed Applejack cleavage.
her breasts were restrained by the white top, but it looked too small, and seemed barely able to restrain those apples. Hence a lot of cleavage was shown, and Ace found himself wanting to touch, but of course he didn't. Everything on Applejack was bigger.
From her hips, her thunder thighs, her ass, and her bosom. Apple Bloom was still growing, and he could only imagine what she would look like once she reached Applejack's age. A mental image of both mares naked popped into his mind, and Ace found himself gulping.
After maybe a minute, Applejack patted Ace's knee and stood up. "Well, since Apple Bloom is gone for now, why don't you help me in the barn?"
Ace was a little confused, having been deep in thought. "Huh? What?"
"Do you mind helping me in the barn? Or do you have something better to do?" She sent him a smile, letting him know it was okay if he did have other plans.
Ace however didn't like owing anypony. And while the Apples had never said he owed them anything, he felt it was more polite to lend a hand. So he nodded. "No, I don't mind at all."
Applejack grinned. "Good on ya! This way, sugarcube!" She turned on her heels, and started to walk towards the barn, her hips swaying as she did so.
As they walked, Ace could not help but notice how short her shorts were. They clung to ass tightly, showing it off very nicely. He even thought he could see her cutie mark, or at least the bottom of them. Ace could even see her panties sticking up from the shorts, making him wonder if she wore a thong?
Apple Bloom had once told her Applejack liked to be comfortable when working on the farm, so she would dress more lightly here at home, than what she would normally do when out and about. Applejack was a little taller than Ace, though not by much, so she seemed much more mature than Apple Bloom. Perhaps that was just one of her many charms, being more mature, and having a sort of big sister authority, even over him.
They arrived at the barn, and Applejack stood beside the entrance, gesturing him inside. "We got a lot of work ahead of us, but I'll make it worth your time." Her smile was so cute that he wondered if they should just use her as their logo. Smiling on the bottle of cider, coming with some apple catchphrase like, 'how do you like them apples?'
He was brought back to reality by Applejack's giggle. "Well, in with ya." Without thinking about it, Ace did as she said, walked past her and entered the barn first. He'd been here a few times before, and everything looked like it used to. He walked further inside, but didn't get very far before he heard the barn door close, and Applejack’s voice that told him to "stop."
Ace did so. "What's wro-?"
"Don't turn around." She said before he had a chance to do so. "Just stand still, Ace.. There is something important we need to discuss." Ace froze, and his heart sank. What did she want to discuss? Did she not think him good for Apple Bloom? Or had she found out what they were doing this morning?? He nearly jumped as he felt Applejack's hands reach his. "Don't move." She repeated, taking both his hands, and guided them behind his back.
"What are you d-"
"Don't talk." She said firmly, and Ace obediently shut his trap.
She placed his wrists against one another behind his back, then kept one hand one them, while the other one vanished for a few seconds. Suddenly, he felt it return, but now something wrapped around his wrists, rope. She wrapped his wrists in a cross section, tying them tightly enough to keep him still, but not tight enough to hurt him. He felt her give the rope a tug, tightening the knot.
Ace had a hard time keeping quiet, nervous over what this was about. "Move." She said, still firmly, and gave him a slight push, tough keeping a hand on his shoulder.
"Applejack, what is-"
"Don't talk, sugarcube." She cut in again, her voice a little less stern, but enough to know that she wasn't asking.
She led him to a chair near the work table. She guided him to sit down so his arms were at the other side of the wooden backside. She didn't speak, just made sure he said comfortably, and then picked up a few more coils of rope. She moved them around his upper body, securing his upper arms and torso to the chair itself, limiting his movements.
It wasn't until his upper body was secure, that she started talking. "Listen, Ace. I know you've been looking at me more than once." She stated, taking two more coils of rope, walked in front of him, and got down on her knees. "I'm flattered, I really am." She started tying his right leg to the right leg of the chair. "But I love my sister, do you understand..?"
Ace gulped. "Applejack, it isn't like that.. I was just.."
"Don't lie, hon." She cut in once again, and then started working on his left leg. "I don't mind you looking, and if I'm being honest myself, I've been looking you over once or twice too."
"You.. you have?"
"Eeyup." She confirmed, tightening the knot. "And.. Well, I've been kind of jealous of my sister.." Applejack stood up before him, placing a hand on her hip as she looked down at him. "She's always had more time than me, and now she's even gone so far to get a coltfriend.. And a handsome one at that.."
Ace felt his face heat up, his heart pounding faster, and his cock starting to grow. The way she stood before him, the wanting look in her eyes, the attitude, and the fact she had tied him to a chair filled with excitement. Even so, a part of him was ashamed of feeling like this.
"So I figured," Applejack continued. "We better get this sorted out and over with."
"What do you mean?" He asked, gulping.
Applejack raised an eyebrow. "I think you know exactly what I mean.." She leaned down, putting one hand on his shoulder as she came face to face with him. Her other hand moved down to his bulge, running a finger over the area. Ace shuddered, and Applejack smiled. "Don't think I haven't noticed, colt."
She came closer, placing her lips on his, kissing him deeply right from the start. A tiny part of Ace knew it was wrong, but after so many times thinking about it, he could not help himself but to kiss her back. Applejack moved herself into the chair, straddling the stallion as the kiss only intensified. Ace felt her hands dig into his mane, feeling how she took possession of him and let her tongue into his mouth.
"Mhhhmmfh~!" She let out the sweetest moans, seeming to get lost in the intimacy between them.
Ace had no idea for how long they kissed, but when Applejack pulled away it was like it hadn't been enough time. Her eyes were half open, as if she was in a daze. She took off her hat, let it drop to the work desk behind him, and then lifted up her white top. The shirt came off, and her boobs came out with a satisfying bounce. Tossing the shirt to the side, Applejack smirked as she saw his reaction.
"How do you like them apples?"
"They're.. Beautiful.. And big.." Ace replied, not really thinking about the words.
Applejack just grinned. "Good answer.." She leaned up, and with a hand, pressed Ace's head into her chest. She moaned, rocking her hips back and forth as she enjoyed the feeling of his mouth to her breasts. "Yes.. That's it.. Lick them.. Kiss them.."
Ace did just that, surprised by her actions and words. It seemed Applejack had been longing for some time, so now it all came out at once. He didn't mind, kissing her round globes, letting his tongue explore them the hills, and her nipples. He felt how her arms hugged his head tighter, and his hands dug deeper into his mane as she moaned.
"Mmh-ahh! Yeshh.. Yes~!"
She removed one hand from his head, reaching for something behind him. Then suddenly, she sat up straight, removing her chest from his face and mouth. "Good colt.. Now it's big sister's turn.." Her eyes were so far away, like she had forgotten where they were, and this was just some fantasy.
Ace panted, looking up at her with a more clear expression than her own. "Applejack, I-Mfmh!" He was cut off by her hand. She pressed it against his mouth, keeping him from saying anything else.
"Shhh, don't talk, sugarcube.." It was then that he noticed the two polka dotted bandanna in her hand. With her right still firmly planted over his lips, she curled one of the bandannas into a ball with her left. As soon as she removed her hand from his mouth, she stuffed the curled up bandanna into his maw.
"Mmmfh..?" He moaned as Applejack tied the other bandanna over his muzzle. She finished the gag by tying the ends together behind his head, making sure to give it a nice tug to tighten the knot. "Mmfh!"
The mare leaned back, admiring her work. "There we are.. You look cute like this, sugarcube.." She planted a soft kiss on top of his gag, then slid down to the floor. "Just let big sister take care of you.."
"Mpmmjck, wmhf?"
On her knees and between his legs, Applejack undid his belt, and pulled down his shorts enough to release the thin that had been poking her butt ever since she straddled him.
It didn't take the mare long to do it, a few tugs, and his cock was out, standing at attention before the mare. Applejack took a moment to admire the size, and inwardly envy her sister. Leaning forward, Applejack inspected the shaft from the root, up to the head. Ace shuddered with pleasure as he felt her hot breath hit it as she breathed.
She didn't speak, but instead moved closer, and planted a tender kiss on the head. Then without warning, she lowered herself, taking the entire thing into her warm mouth. Applejack was breathing heavily around it as she started to move her head. She got his dick deep into her throat, and then started to move her head back. Her movements started to become faster as she bobbed her head, giving him a proper blowjob.
"Mmm, Mhgrh-Mmfhh-Fh!" Ace moaned, enjoying the sensation of her lips sliding up and down his shaft. Her hot breath, her wet tongue, and the feeling of her sucking on his shaft, as if doing what he did to her nipples only moments ago. "Mmmh-hhm!" His cock twitched, and he knew full well he would not last long like this, even so, he did his best to keep himself from release, wanting to enjoy this for as long as possible.
Applejack heard his pleasured moans and she swayed her tail a bit as she continued. Her tongue danced around his shaft the best she could, only bringing more and more pleasure to him. Something inside of her snapped and she almost didn't want it to end, her ears twitching once in a while as she heard his voice, his moans, urging her on. The mare was enjoying it as much as he was, stopping at some points with just the tip in her mouth as she sucked on it before continuing to bob her head.
It wasn't too long after that moment that Applejack felt his body tense up, and she knew exactly what that meant. Her body wanted to hold him close so that he couldn't pull away as she felt his semen drip down her throat in a way that satisfied her for the time being. The mare grinned a bit as she swallowed every last drop until it stopped.
While he sat there, Applejack swished her tail. The mare smiled as she kissed the head of his dick and sucked every last drop out of it before she finally stood up again. She let a finger move over her lips, as if checking if she had missed some. Her eyes were still far away, as if she was in some sort of erotic trance. Ace however was not in doubt that she was in full control of her actions.
He panted, letting the air move from his nose and out, as the gag kept him from taking large breaths of air. "I've never done this before.." Applejack then said, almost bemused over her own actions. "Just lend a book of Rarity.." She turned around, her back facing him. "We're not done yet.. I've been needing this for a while now.."
Ace heard a belt being undone, and with her legs straight, Applejack slowly bent over and slid her shorts down her legs. It gave him a perfect view of her large ass, and as he had suspected, she wore a red thong.
"Mmmfmh!!"
Applejack giggled seeing his reaction, and noticed his cock twitching again. "Saddle up, cowboy.." She turned, straddling him once again, but this time kept herself over him a little as she moved her panties to the side, exposing her marehood to the open.
Once everything was lined up, she slowly lowered herself down. Ace closed his eyes tightly, feeling the tip enter Applejack. She in turn continued her descent, gripping his shoulders hard, giving off a high pitch moan as she let the shaft enter her. Her hands dug into him the farther down she went, even to the point that Ace let out a yelp in pain.
"Amph-S-sorry, sugar.. AHH!" She finally came down to the root, feeling her inner walls close around his cock. "Ahh, so.. So big.. Mmm..! Ahh..!" She rose a little, then started to rock her hips back and forth, up and down, taking it easy at first.
Applejack was eager, but was still letting her body get used to his size. Some part of her wondered how Apple Bloom could handle something like this, but she assumed that with practice, any mare could get used to it.
"Ahhh! Hhmm! A-Ace!" She moaned, picking up the pace little by little.
Ace too was moaning at this point, but this came out more muffled than Applejack. She was eager, starting to bounce up and down his rod, letting her flanks jiggle as she moved faster and harder. Ace felt her pump away, feeling how hard she came down on him, making it almost clap in the barn.
*Flap! Flap! Flap! Flap!*
Everything was moving on her, bouncing, jiggling, and it was quite a sight to be sure. Applejack found herself in pure bliss, as her eyes started to look far away, and her tongue started to hang out as she moaned loudly. Ace did his best to move his hips as well, but it was hard when tied to a chair. Still, what little he could do, felt amazing, and it did please Applejack.
"That's it!! Mmmmh! Good colt! Ahhyyyaaa!" The whole scene continued for some time, until he once again felt his body tense up. Applejack noticed it too, and she almost squealed in delight. "Yes! Yes! T-together! Ahhh!"
Before he knew it, Applejack slammed down on him, her fingers digging deeply into his shoulders as she closed her eyes tightly, threw her head back, and almost seemed to howl in delight. Ace did the same, though he was only able to throw his head back, feeling himself cum as for a second time.
Their bodies shook with pleasure and euphoria, keeping their bodies tense for several seconds. Finally however, their bodies let go, relaxed and collapsed into one another. Applejack leaned into Ace, resting her head on her shoulder, her arms around him in an embrace.
Both of them panting, though this time, Applejack moved her hand up to Ace's gag, and pulled it down. Smiling at him, she leaned in, taking the cloth in his mouth with her teeth, and pulled it out like a strange kiss. Once out, she let it drop between them.
Her eyes seemed more focused now, and she didn't look like she'd regretted anything. Ace felt the same way, but there was still something he needed to know.
"What now..?"
Applejack looked him over, then smiled. "Now..? We talk to Apple Bloom." Then she leaned in, and kissed him deeply.
Ace was taken back to the farmhouse after a lengthy makeup session. Applejack untied him from the chair, but kept his hands tied behind his hands as she escorted him to Apple Bloom's room. Only then did she untie, only to then pin him to the bed and secure him to it.
Applejack gave him water, and the two snuggled for a few hours, waiting for AB to return home. "So, what are we going to tell her?" Ace asked.
"The truth."
"I know, but I mean.. What do we tell her..?"
Applejack turned in the bed, moving a finger around his chest as she looked up into his blue eyes. "We be honest, tell her we should start a herd.." Then she tilted her head. "Unless this was a one time thing? Is that what it was?"
Ace blushed. He couldn't deny he wanted to be close to Applejack, to feel her again. "Can't help but feel like a snake.." He then admitted.
"I know.." She leaned up, placing a gentle kiss on his lips before she stood up. "And I regret not talking to her first.. I thought I could keep this wrapped up until then.. Turns out I just couldn't leave ya alone, partner." Hearing footsteps outside, Applejack walked to the window and saw her family had returned. "There she is."
"So.. Are you going to untie me or what? Gonna be hard explaining all this while I'm tied up and all." He said, blushing slightly.
Applejack grinned, turning around with a playful expression. "You don't have to worry about a thing, hon. You don't even have to worry about talking." Ace understood instantly as the mare held up a bundle of scarves. Before Apple Bloom ever came up the stairs, Ace found his maw stuffed with three scarves, and his muzzle covered with two, effectively gagging him again.
"You really do look cute like this, sugarcube." Applejack leaned down, and planted a tender kiss on his covered lips.
A few seconds later, the door opened, and it bounced Apple Bloom with a happy expression. "Ace I'm ba-Applejack!? Ace?!" She blushed, seeing her coltfriend bound and gagged on the bed. "What the..? What is going on?!"
Applejack sent her sister a calming smile, and gestured to the bed. "Apple Bloom, come and sit down. We have a lot to talk about..."
Two Weeks Later.
The sun was high in the sky, and both Apple Bloom and Applejack enjoyed a nice day out. There was no chores today, and Big Mac had gone out with his marefriend, and Granny went to see some family. This meant the Apple sisters could have some sister time.
Normally they would spend time at the lake, or doing some other physical activity. Today however, the two had gone out shopping. Normally they did no such things together, but since their whole life had recently changed, the girls decided to go out and find some new clothes.
"What do you think?" Apple Bloom asked, showing off her bikini to her sister. "Too small?"
Applejack looked her sister up and down. "Hm, I think so, but we both know he will like that."
Apple Bloom blushed, turned her back to the mirror and ran a hand down her rear end. The Bikini was revealing, but that was mostly because she filled it out so well. The part that was supposed to be covering her ass, seemed to vanish between her buns. "Ooooh.." She flicked her tail, smirking as she thought about Ace's reaction when she saw her in this. "He can't get enough of us. Too bad we had to leave him back home."
Applejack shrugged. "Maybe tomorrow we untie him and take him with us."
Apple Bloom looked at her sister with a small grin. "No way, he looks way too sexy tied up and gagged."
The two sisters shared a laugh, thinking about how they left the poor stallion in bed. He would be alright, and they knew he wouldn't mind so much when they got back to take care of him. "That reminds me, you did lock the door to the room, right?"
"Hm? Oh.. Well.." Apple Bloom thought back. "I think so, but there's no one home anyway. So it's not like anyone is gonna find him, or hear him."
Applejack nodded. "I suppose you're right.."
Meanwhile back at the farm.
Ace laid tied to the bed, several clothes stuffed in his maw, and three bandannas tied around his mouth. By now he was used to this treatment, but he had an itch, and he really needed to scratch it!!
"Mmmhgf! Mmmh-mmflphh!"
He laid spread out, his limbs tied to the bed itself. He was naked, but his lower half was covered by the bedsheet. Not only had they tied him up and gagged him, but the mares had blindfolded him as well, leaving him totally helpless!
Suddenly he heard footsteps from the hallway. He figured it was the mares that had returned from wherever they had gone off to. Thinking about them coming back made him excited, he wondered what they had planned for them today. His cock reacted to the many thoughts, twitching, and growing beneath the sheet.
He heard the door handle turn, and the door opened shortly after. "I'm telling you, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom will gladly lend you some-What the hell?!"
"Mmmfh??!!"
"Scootaloo, what is-By Celestia! Ace?!"
"Scmmof? Smmph-bmfh?"
There was a few seconds of quiet, then Sweetie Belle talked to him. "Sorry for.. Uhm.. Coming in like this.. We were just looking for Apple Bloom.."
"Mmfh-mmhgfffh-grmmh."
"Alright, alright.." Sweetie Belle cut in. "I can't understand you with the gag.. Let me just-"
"Wait, Sweetie Belle!" Scootaloo interrupted.
"What?"
"I think I have a better idea..."
"Mmmfh?"
Ace was confused, but it didn't last long as he felt the sheet being pulled away.
"Oh my.."
The End~!
Author's Note
Pretty sure I will go to hell after writing this... 
