Kim Possible: A Sitch in Equestria

Rufus both was and wasn’t feeling so hot after adding Twilight Sparkle’s horse vagina to himself. He looked great, and that made him feel like a damn queen. He strutted his stuff, getting surprised looks from the nearby ponies as his cock and balls slapped either thigh with each step, exposing his gaping, purple penis-eater. He didn’t feel hot, as in, he didn’t feel well. Words in English can be used in multiple ways as humans can’t make enough sounds to properly describe all things forcing us to reuse already-made words.

He groaned and clutched his tummy, feeling strange aches, and also a sudden craving for every possible food.

“I thought this was supposed to make me more powerful,” Rufus grumbled out, the sound waves carrying through his body into his vajayjay where Ots’ehte was getting better acquainted with his new home.

“I’m still calibrating here, these things take time.”

Rufus released a drawn-out grunt. “I guess I’ll go get some snacks or something…”

“Jeez, what’s up with you?” Ots’ehte wondered as he poked and prodded at Rufus’ girly parts, eliciting a girly giggle from him and also an uncomfortable tickling sensation like that time maggots had been birthed inside his asshole. “Is it your time of the month or something?”

“My what?” Rufus wondered, only really half paying attention to the centipede in his vagina. Do you have a centipede in your vagina? It’s more likely than you might think.

“You know, your period?”

Rufus scratched his head. “I’m not an English major, so I hardly see what punctuation has to do with anything.” ((laughter))

“No, like the time each month when your vagina painfully sheds its skin, releasing like a gallon of blood.”

Rufus stopped. “You’re fuckin’ with me…”

“No, I’m serious,” Ots’ehte incested, “it happens to all girls and they always complain about it and wear icky tampons and stuff.”

“That’s what tampons are for?” Rufus wondered, “I always thought they were weird Japanese candies. They certainly tasted like weird Japanese candy….I found some in Kim’s trash can once.”

“Who?” Ots’ehte wondered.

“Oh right, we never at any point have talked about anything even remotely related to Kim Possible and all that. Well, whatever. All you need to know is that she's a girl with nintendo 64 titties.”

Rufus spotted an obnoxious-looking gingerbread building across the street. His nostrils flared up, filling with air molecules, before he exhaled a landslide of boogers across the cobblestone road. He could smell something sugary and sweet coming from that building, and he had to try it. He could also detect what smelled like a ruptured septic tank, but honestly he was hungee enough to probably eat that too at this point.

He walked across the street and swung the door open, clearly intruding on a strange scene. Some kind of purple monstrosity had just placed a fat pony into his bag and turned to face him.

“Damn bitch, you live like this?” he asked the purple colossus before him, before the neurons in his brain fired, sending electrical impulses down the length of his neural pathways. “BRAIN BLAST! You’re one of those monsters from the woods. You tried to kill me! But what are you doing here?”

Tinky Winky shrugged, “Tubby Custard…” which Rufus somehow understood as “just looking for new Noo-noos for all my friends.”

Rufus stuck his pinky in his ear and swirled it around, dislodging a clump of earwax that Ots’ethe had used as a pillow and flicked it onto Tinky Winky’s tummy screen. “Did I have a stroke or can I understand you suddenly?”

Tinky’s face darkened as he looked down at the baseball-sized glob of ear gunk slowly rolling down his belly and leaving a creamy, yellow residue.

“Tinky Winky,” he stated ((You’ll pay for that…))

Ots’ehte, being the smart one of the group, quickly gave his theory. “Maybe the vagina is already making you more powerful…”

“Makes sense,” Rufus shrugged. “Also, what’s a ‘Noo-noo’?”

“Tubby Custard.” ((A helper slave I create to service and clean us. Any good Noo-noo must be able to consume and store huge amounts of waste material, not that they have a choice.)) he pointed at his belly screen, which had a huge streak from top to bottom from the ear ickies, which showed some pictures of a blue trash vacuum, and also that purple pony.

“Oh hey, I know that one. I fucked it into oblivion and stole its vagina with the trans-vaginator.” Rufus lifted up his bulbous scrote and pointed at the glistening purple pony pussy. “I tried not to make a transvaginal-mess while doing it, but let’s just say she’s not at her transvaginal-best, and could probably use some transvaginal-mesh, if you catch my driftwood…”

Tinky Winky did indeed catch his driftwood, and his face twisted into a scowl, like my face after I accidentally cummed into it.

“Tubby Custard.” ((Oh no you di’int!)) He cracked his knuckles, each finger popping over thirty times because he was so angry. He liked that Noo-noo…

“Tubby Custard.” ((I guess I’ll just have to replace her with you.))

**Robert Downy Junior Here** Rufus would make a good Noo-noo as he’s always full of shit.

“Tubby Custard,” Rufus replied, but without the right inflection, making the whole thing sound very mocking and Tinky Winky was honestly insulted.

“Tubby Custard.” ((I thought this town wasn’t full of racists, but clearly I was wrong.))

Rufus shrugged, then shrugged again, and then for a third time, “I don’t know about them, but I certainly am racist…”

It seemed Tinky Winky was done with words as he suddenly lunged forward with a speed that Rufus wouldn’t have expected had he not faced these beasts before, and he jumped backwards, doing two backflips and going through the window in a spray of glass and landing in the street.

Tinky flexed his chest and his huge purple titties stretched out and latched onto the door on either side before he turned and tore it off the wall, throwing it into the customers inside. He stepped out and faced Rufus who wasn’t even bleeding from the glass he’d just jumped through.

“Heh, bet you’re wondering why I’m not bleeding from all the glass.”

“Tubby Custard.” ((Actually I was wondering just that.))

“You see, it’s because my skin is extra stretchy, making me resistant to slashing damage.” he explained, grabbing a handful of flesh under his armpit and stretching it like Silly Putty.

Tinky Winky nodded, then began swinging his heavy, red bag with skill and speed like a pair of nunchucks. “Tinky Winky.” ((Good thing my damage type is bludgeoning.))

Rufus gulped. Then he got serious.

“If I’m going to fight a big meany like you, I’ll just have to transform!” Suddenly the camera panned out and an ethereal pink light emerged from Rufus’ body as he spun around, his skin rapidly tightening and loosening as it became a sailor suit and high heels. His face became much smoother as all the extra skin got pulled back onto his head into a pair of long twintails. He put up a peace sign next to his eye, winking and blowing a kiss as his transformation was complete.

“Tee hee, aren’t I kawaii~~~ o<^3^_/?”

Tinky Winky blushed, noting that Rufus was not only kawaii, but also sugoi… At least pretty sugoi for a soyboy… “Tubby Custard.” ((I’m still gonna bash yer fuck’n ‘ead in, I swear on me mum.))

While Tinky Winky was abashedly looking away, Rufus struck, spinning three times as he jumped forward, his mostly-erect cock swinging like a quarterstaff with his balls trailing just behind like a flail. The dick impacted into Tinky Winky’s cheek first, transferring all its built-up energy as it swept from one side to the other, a tiny spitz of pre-cum spraying into his left eye, then his balls followed up with enough concussive force to turn his head 90 degrees.

Rufus landed with stylish grace as Tinky Winky was thrown backwards onto the ground. He reached up and rubbed his aching cheek, noting something odd. “Tubby Custard.” ((Did I feel an extra testical just now, or was that testicular cancer?))

Rufus laughed, “fret not, that lump you felt was indeed an additional testical. I’m impressed, not many can face my 3T scrote and live to tell the tale…”

Tinky Winky stood up, dusting himself off as he re-examined the pink cutie that stood before him.

“Tubby Custard.” ((Perhaps I’ve underestimated you. It’s been a long time since anyone has knocked me down.)) He began stretching, every joint in his body cracking as he stood up straight, revealing that he had a toned six-pack under his screen. He pushed a device on his collar, and with a puff of steam, several large weights fell away from his legs, arms, and chest, all perfectly colored to look like his normal terry cloth flesh. They cracked the cobblestone as they landed, revealing his bulging, body-builder-esque musculature.

“Tubby Custard.” ((I wasn’t even using my full power before.))

Rufus was unperturbed, whatever that means, as he’d been in like 4 fights already this story. Suddenly Tinky Winky walked forward so fast, that I wish there was a word to describe the action of ‘walking quickly’, his mighty glutes clapping like the beat of a drum. Rufus dodge rolled like Darksouls in his world-famous game: Darksouls, narrowly avoiding being stepped on by Rufus’ huge sweaty feet.

“Pshhh, you call those feet? I’ll show you my feet!”

Tinky Winky nodded, saying perhaps a bit too eagerly, “Tubby Custard.” ((Okay, do it!))

Rufus leaped from the ground with all the grace of a cheetah if a cheetah had wings and could do flips. He rolled in the air before planting both of his sweaty feet right on Tinky Winky’s lips. He kissed them as Rufus kicked him backwards through the wall of Sugarcube Corner. Tinky Winky had foreseen this attack since the beginning of the fight, and had placed the door here just for this moment. He landed on it, converting it into so many splinters which I guess cushioned his fall or something.

“Now that I got a cootie-hole, those are real, genuine gaymer girl feet. You should consider yourself lucky.” Rufus stood proud as Tinky Winky extracted himself from the pile of broken building.

“Tubby Custard.” ((I do, your feet were so soft. I think I’ll lick them and your toes clean after this fight. Do you have an Only Fans?))

“Yeah, I got your ‘Only Fans’ right here!” he yelled, gyrating his head and neck and causing his pig tails to spin with rapidly increasing speed. Within seconds, Tinky was being buffeted by a hurricane-like gale. The already damaged Sugarcube Corner collapsed from the mighty winds, killing everyone inside except Pound and Pumpkin cake who’s crib kept them safe from the majority of the debris, but was now buried in rubble, condemning them to a slow death as they ran out of food and water. Pound Cake later cannibalized Pumpkin Cake, extending his sufferent slightly longer.

Tinky Winky wasn’t about to be beaten in a competition of wind, however, and he turned and yelled his special move's name.

“Tubby Custard!” ((WIND BREAKER!!!!)) His huge cheeks opened like a dam, and out came a fart he was holding in for the past minute. It was released not with a ‘toot’, but a ‘crack’, as it broke the sound barrier. The released gas cut through the tornado like a knife, striking Rufus and flinging him backwards through a thatch-roofed building. Had Tinky Winky not just released his shit into those ponies, that attack would have assuredly destroyed half of Ponyville, but as it stood it was still quite powerful.

Rufus crawled out of the wreckage, now covered in scuff-marks to show that he’s hurt a bit. “Damn, that ass can FART!”

Tinky Winky giggled before bending backwards and blowing some smoke from his asshole.

Rufus also bent down, which was hard because of his rounded belly, and whispered to O’tsehte, “he’s really powerful, I’m not sure if I can beat him.”

“Hmmmph, fine. I’ll lend you some of my power, but you need to hold on until I can get this thing sorted out.” Otseh’te conceded, “just aim and I’ll do the rest.”

Tinky Winky was looking pretty smug as he took a few steps forward. His belly screen turned on, showing an instant-replay of Rufus getting knocked away by the fart in slow-motion, complete with wacky graphics that read "lol" and "epic fail" respectively. Rufus blushed.

“You think you’re so cool?! BEHOLD MY VAGINA LASERS@!” Rufus grunted, his face flush with effort and teeth grit as he strained all the muscles in his lower belly to pull his cock and balls up and out of the way of his vagina.

Tinky Winky looked a bit confused, when suddenly a bright, red Ancient Vagyptian laser beam shone from the icky opening directly into his retinas. Tinky Winky didn’t even flinch in those few moments as his eyeballs superheated, boiled, and exploded inside his head, their mushy remains trailing down his cheeks like runny egg whites.

“Tubby Custard.” ((OUCH, FUCK! MY EYES!))

Rufus had no pity for this monster, though, and rushed forward, delivering several powerful punches and kicks into Tinky Winky who grunted with each hit. Despite Tinky’s might, Rufus had the power of a main character, and also a magical girl, which is as strong as at least three average little girls put together, as well as anime. He somersaulted high into the air, using the power of friendship to reduce the effects of gravity as he did some poses and removed his magical girl wand from his ass. “Prepare to die evildoer as I blast you with my ~Doki Doki Heart-Heart <3 Super Love Star ==* Friendship Burst~!”

He shot straight down, ejecting a pink heart-shaped beam of pure FRIENDSHIP and MAGIC that was at least 20% cooler and more powerful than a SONIC RAINBOOM from his wand! It struck Tinky Winky, engulfing him in light, and he was surely destroyed.

Rufus landed and dusted his hands, as there’s nothing quite like a hard day’s work! But, as the dust settled, Tinky Winky was still there, albeit slightly charred around the edges. He breathed heavily, but was clearly still in fighting form as he quickly flexed, showing off his gains.

“Impressive,” Rufus conceded, “perhaps I’m gonna need more Ancient Vagyptian laser beams to take you down…”

“Tubby Custard.” ((I’m fucking invincible. Your pathetic attacks cannot defeat me. I don’t even need my eyes to fight you.)) Suddenly his tummy screen turned on and showed a view from directly behind Rufus.

“Wha-” he barely gasped out as he turned his head, only to be face-to-face with Tinky Winky’s tummy screen as he received a huge, purple kick right to the side of the fucking head. Rufus flew through the air before impacting something hard and unmoving, and he slumped to the ground. He looked up, not seeing Tinky Winky, until his gaze drifted further up and landed on the purple teletubby looming over him.

“Tubby Custard.” ((Nothin’ personnel, kid.))

He kicked again, causing Rufus to form up into a ball before skidding to a stop on the cobblestone. Rufus pushed himself up with speed and dexterity that surprised even Tinky Winky, managing to dodge as he stomped right where Rufus’ head had just been. Seeing his chance, Rufus donkey-kicked upwards with all his might right into Tinky Winky’s groin with enough force to send his testicals into his skull cavity. However, his tasty gaymer girl feet impacted only solid terry cloth.

Tinky Winky laughed at his pathetic attack. “Teletubbies reproduce asexually by budding,” ((Tubby Custard.))

“That’s not what you’re mom said last night,” he gasped out with all the bravado he could before dodging away and preparing himself for the next attack.

“It would be great if you could hurry this up.” He said to Otseht’e.

“I’m doing the best I can! It’s real tight, and the womb is sealed shut. Plus all your jumping around is making this really difficult. It would be great if you could just stop moving for a bit…” The centipede snapped back.

“Well I’m sorry if my getting pummeled is inconveniencing you,” Rufus said insincerely. He felt heavier than usual, and his previously-flat tummy had swelled to three-times its normal size. “I could really use some snacks, but this asshole won’t let me have any.”

Tinky Winky cocked his head, “Tubby Custard.” ((If you want snacks, you can have some of this.))

He pulled a jug from behind his back and tossed it over. Rufus inspected it, before twisting off the lid and giving it a sniff. It smelled just like Tubby Custard, and was orange just like Tubby Custard.

“Tubby Custard.” ((Tubby Custard))

Rufus leaned forward and lapped up the substance with his long, prehensile tongue, noting that it tasted like Tubby Custard.

“Hmm, Tubby Custard,” he said, before his eyes went wide and he threw the now-empty jug onto the ground where it shattered into a thousand pieces. He covered his mouth, unsure where that had come from.

Tinky Winky nodded knowingly, giving a thumbs-up in Rufus’ general direction. “Tubby Custard.” ((Now then, let’s get back to it. I’ve been holding back, but I think I’ll release my true limiters and show you my special move that I haven’t had to use in 2,000 years. Prepare yourself!))

He suddenly began grunting as his head diddly straightened out, turning bright yellow as it glowed with power. Rufus’ body froze up, and he could feel that Tinky Winky was now a much different opponent to the one he’d been fighting. He had an air about him that was impossible to ignore, and something deep within his subconscious realized that this was the moment of his death. Despite how hard he’d tried, he was powerless to stop fate…

“TUBBY CUSTARD!” Tinky Winky announced, and Rufus’ heart skipped a few beats.

“P-please, n-no-not like this…” Rufus begged, tears and mucus and drool streaming down his face. Tinky Winky took one step forward, before a brown blur shot through a nearby home with impossible speed, exploding it and all its inhabitants, which stopped on a dime just beside Tinky Winky. The purple juggernaut barely had time to look over before this new challenger rotated and bucked him straight into the sun.

The baby head giggled with glee as he flew with unbelievable speed and incinerated in a puff of smoke against its cute widdle nose.

Rufus let out a breath that had been hitched in his throat as he was suddenly saved. He inspected this newcomer, noting it was a brown pony with a hoof egg tattoo on its upper thigh, and a dented head. “Thanks for the assist, friend.”

His relief disappeared in an instant as the pony turned towards him. His eyes were bloodshot and his face was scrunched up like a tissue that’s not happy that I cummed into it. With unrivaled brain activity caused by pure, focused rage, Touch Down spoke in a deceptively calm voice, “My name is Touch Down, Applejack’s boyfriend. You hurt Applejack. Prepare to die.”