Kim Possible: A Sitch in Equestria

“Hey, we got a problem here.” Ots’ehte announced as he scratched his head in confusion.

“You’re telling me!” Rufus shot back, an angry Touch Down slowly bearing down on him, each footstep holepunching a hunk of pavement and revealing that he’s actually about half a leg taller than he appeared due to being partially submerged.

“No, I mean, the womb is completely shut off. I finished decorating out here, but the actual important spot is in the womb. All this was just foreplay.”

“I thought you were the expert on this sort of thing!”

“Actually, I was a virgin before I met you.” Ots’ehte kicked his many centipede feet bashfully at the vagina carpet as he blushed. “Y-you were my first.”

Rufus was happy to hear that, but was too embarrassed to share his feelings with his friend, and instead changed the subject. “Well break it open or something!”

“It’ll be excruciatingly painful,” Ots’ehte explained.

“You’re a big centipede,” Rufus said, rolling his eyes. Imminent death having dulled his desire to banter with an ugly, overgrown rolly polly.

“For you,” he replied.

Rufus only had a moment to wonder about that before he felt a sharp pain in his tummy rumpler.

“Ouch, Jesus. A little warning first.” He doubled over, clutching his huge midsection.

“That wasn’t me!” the centipede yelled, ducking under the sofa as plates and paintings crashed to the vagina floor all around him. “Something’s in there. And it’s PISSED!”

“Not as pissed as it’s gonna be!” Rufus remarked, and attempted to deal with the issue in one of the only two ways he knew, with reason and persuasion. He hefted his fists, one labeled ‘reason’ and the other ‘persuasion’ and I think I already made this joke at some point and I don’t like reusing jokes but I already typed it. He punched his tummy with all the force he could manage, and immediately his face scrunched with pain like a tissue after I’ve cummed into it.

“Can I get some ‘F’s in chat?” he gasped through the pain.

Ots’ehte wouldn’t be giving him any F’s, though, as suddenly the walls began constricting on him. “Oh heckies, what’s going on?!”

He attempted to crawl out, but the powerful vagina walls had a firm hold and began sucking him further inside. “Get me outa here!”

Despite the pain, Rufus tried to fulfil his best friend’s request, but he couldn’t wrap his arms all the way around his huge tummy to reach his icky vicky girl-zone.

“Noooo!” his friend shouted, before going completely silent. Rufus mirrored this call with a “Noooo!” of his own as he collapsed on the ground, looking up at Touch Down who seemed even more confused than normal.

With his ear to the cobblestone, Rufus could suddenly hear and feel strong vibrations from nearby, and he turned his head to behold as three more Teletubbies approached.

“Oh great, can this day get any worse?!” he complained, fear welling up inside him for the hundredth time. Then he spotted Po’s face, and the streak of shit across it and began LOL’ing out loud.

“Haha, say buddy, before you step on my head, look at that.”

Touch Down turned and saw Po’s poopy face and immediately began to laugh as fecal funny. The two of them shared a long, hard-earned giggle at Po’s expense. Her face turned red, but no one could tell because it was already red, and also covered in shit.

Once they finished, Rufus leaned up on his elbow and shared a look with Touch Down, feeling that perhaps now that Ots’ehte was gone he had room for a new friend in his life. “Say, you don’t seem as bad now that I’m not competing with you for your girlfriend. We should be friends.”

Touch Down frowned, unfamiliar with the concept of ‘friends’. He knew what a girlfriend was, but Touch Down didn’t really want to fuck this rat thing. Rufus saw what he mistook as apprehension on the pony’s face, and decided he’d try a different approach.

“If not friends, how about dick brothers? We both fucked Applejack, after all. That means we share a special bond and are closer than anyone else.”

Touch Down wasn’t sure. He knew he was mad about something, but right now this was so much to sort through for him. Would he be friends with this rat, or would he kill him?

Rufus managed to buy some time from getting murdered by the idiot pony, but now the three Teletubbies were getting awful close. They looked angry, and he didn’t just assume this because they always look angry. It didn’t help that the pain in his tummy was so great he couldn’t even walk. He dragged himself across the ground, well aware that he wasn’t making nearly enough progress.

Then his skin turned into nipple-sized goosebumps as he heard something that really put the fear of spook into him.

“Tubby Custard.” They were right behind him.

He turned slowly, meeting eyes with the legs of the three of them as they gazed down on him like a bunch of big black men around one small white woman.

“W-what a lovely day…” Rufus said lamely.

Laa-laa’s huge yellow hand came down and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck, lifting him to eye level as she stared directly into his soul. Her tummy screen lit up, displaying his darkest regrets and playing them back while the other two teletubbies watched and laughed.

The time he’d pissed himself in school while giving a book report and everyone laughed at him… The time he’d pissed his bed right after seducing a girl for the first time and she laughed at him… The time a bunch of teletubbies laughed at him pissing himself in fear… Wait, that one hadn’t happened!

Rufus then realized he could feel warm urine streaming down his legs, and he began crying.

“Tubby Custard,” said Po through her laughter.

“Tubby Custard,” agreed Dipsy.

“Tubby Custard,” repeated Laa-laa, but louder this time and getting laughs out of everyone as a result. Everyone except Rufus, who was having a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad time.

This might have been the worst day of his life. Well, maybe second worst after the time his dad had pissed on him as a child instilling a strange PTSD piss response in him which he’d managed to forget about until just now. Unbeknownst to him, the teletubbies had been discussing how they were going to dispose of Rufus in the most humiliating way possible as revenge for Tinky Winky. The group had decided on sticking him up one of their butts, as Tinky WInky loved butt stuff, and also they all loved butt stuff and aren’t very creative.

Dipsy bent over, presenting himself. His huge anus stretched open like a yawning chasm, a portal into another world. A world which promised pain. But Rufus recognized a certain glint in the fleshy darkness of that tunnel, and memories came back to him of a similar journey through a great green ass. It was at that moment, he knew.

Before the teletubbies could act on their plan, Rufus’ e.ntire body suddenly went rigid, and a torrent of water shot from his underside with all the pressure of a ruptured fire hydrant, digging a furrow in the road. The only thing stopping him from flying off into space was Laa-laa’s ultra mighty grip, which held him in place as he drained himself.

The teletubbies began laughing again in earnest, thinking he’d wet himself for a second time today. The fools, if they knew what was really going on, they’d have used this time to run…

“Tubby custard,” Laa-laa stated as Rufus dripped the last traces of liquid from his newest hole. He lay limp in her hands panting heavily as it was finally over. That thought left him soon after as his girl parts suddenly began to strain on their own, filling him with a pain that honestly wasn’t that bad. As a man, he had to deal with this type of pain on a daily basis. Apparently women not only don’t have souls, but they also like blowing minor pain completely out of proportion. Big surprise.

He grunted slightly as something big and covered in sharp edges seemed to be pushing its way out of him. He’d describe the experience a lot like taking a magnum-sized dump after eating 30 raw eggs whole, their indigestible shells digging bloody divots in your colon on the way out, but coming out of the front hole instead.

His new purple vagina turned red as it stretched to the same diameter as a large pepperoni stuffed-crust pizza, releasing a few spurts of bloody vaginal fluid.

“Tubby custard,” Po announced, as if to say, ‘check it out, guys, he ran out of urine so now he’s pissing blood. What an insufferable, stupid, idiot loser. I’m glad we’re about to kill this piss baby. Lol. Lmao. ROFLcopter.’

Rufus would surely add this to the Watchmojo top 10 anime moments that keep him up with regret until 4 in the morning, but that would come later. For now, he grunted and pushed, a shriek reverberating through his bones from somewhere deep inside.

Could it be, I’m finally awakening to my inner power? As the protagonist, it must be my time to shine! he thought.

Suddenly something large and slick slid out from inside him and landed with a plop on the ground. It squirmed and writhed within an amniotic sack like a caterpillar, making a horrid shrieking sound that permeated its thin barrier.

The teletubbies tried to make sense of this strange new bodily excretion. They’d all produced some truly awful expulsions, and, in fact, they were quite proud of this. Like once when Dipsy had such terrible pubic pustules that produced the foulest-smelling goop, or when Po strained so hard while shitting that she voided one of her many bones, or when Laa-laa hacked up a fist-sized kidney stone as though it was a tonsil stone. However, they’d never shit out a living, screaming, flesh monstrocity.

Po bent down and poked at it, wondering if perhaps in his fear, the rat accidentally pissed out his internal organs.

They didn’t have long to speculate on this new thing, as it suddenly slit open the fleshy sack, tearing it open with a multitude of multisegmented orange legs. It gasped its first breath of air as it stood up on shaky, long, pony legs with wheels at the bottoms, a hundred other legs running along its length, sticking out at seemingly-random angles. Its flesh was pink and wrinkly except on its back where a segmented brown carapace ran the full length of its body. Its front pony legs were purple, while the back ones were orange, and it had a dark purple tail with magenta highlights. On its head, a stetson hat, still dripping with birthing fluid, sat just behind a purple horn, and between a pair of ear holes. A pair of maxillipeds twitched just under its very pony face, long claws oozing venom, and its three pairs of large pony eyes blinked at random intervals as they beheld sun for the first time. It opened its mouth and let out a horrific screech, clearly unhappy to have been birthed into this gay world, revealing multiple rows of pony teeth behind a pair of massive buck teeth and a vacuum hose where its tongue should be.

Rufus looked at this abomination with wide eyes, thinking it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. Despite all the fear he’d felt, he was so happy to have birthed new life. Is this what motherhood felt like?

Laa-laa unconsciously relaxed her grip, dropping him to the ground a few feet from the creature as she was transfixed by its stare.

“Tubby custard?” she asked, perhaps questioning the creature or searching for validation from her companions as they witnessed an event that unsettled even them.

“You need a name,” Rufus said to his spawn, and it turned to look at him with its green and purple eyes. He felt a chill run down his spine as it inspected him with malicious, predatory pony eyes. “I’ll name you after my friend who you remind me a lot of. His name was Ots’ehte, so I’ll call you by his name backwards because I’m very creative. From now on, your name is Ethesto.”

The creature immediately shrieked in rage, a bone-chilling shrill that made Rufus quite aware that his child wasn’t too happy with the stupid name. What kind of name is ‘Ethesto’ anyway? It reared up on its back legs and stood erect, a full head taller than Rufus, and appeared ready to strike him down, when suddenly Laa-laa kicked it in the side. Ethesto rolled across the street, and Laa-laa flexed triumphantly.

“Tubby custard!” ((How disgusting.)) She pulled a tissue from her terry cloth flesh pocket and wiped her foot where she had touched the repulsive beast.

Rufus was once again scared, not only of the Teletubbies, but of this monster, and he scrambled back, putting distance between both parties. Despite Laa-laa’s clear size advantage, Ethesto didn’t seem to be too bothered by the kick as he scurried to his feet once again, this time looking at the yellow, red, and green things that dared to stand before him.

Laa-laa cracked all 600 joints in her fists, then did the same to her foot fists, as she prepared to mash this thing into the grossest tubby custard. Once she was done, she figured she could feed it to Rufus before they shoved him up Dipsy’s ass, as that would be pretty funny.

She stepped forward, only for Ethesto to suddenly open his mouth, firing an Ancient Vagyptian laser beam that easily passed straight through her body, vivisecting her at the waist. Her torso fell back onto the cold stone and she stared at the baby sun in confusion as it giggled down at her, as though it enjoyed her plight.

It took only seconds for her to compose herself, and she stood back up, held aloft by her big arms and trailing her rotting innards from the opening at the bottom. They could sew her back together later, for now they had to deal with this horrible thing.

She gazed at where the creature had previously been, only to see it leaping through the air directly towards her, its pony legs splayed like a pouncing jungle cat. She didn’t have time to dodge out of the way, and gasped as it bared down on her, only for Po to suddenly jump in the way.

Ethesto struck Po’s mighty belly, a bulging mass of fat that could shrug off even the mightiest hoof blows of pathetic ponies, and tore into it with such ferociousness even the red one was surprised. All 100 of his legs slashed with inhuman speed (likely because he’s not even part human), tearing open a terrible gore chasm.

Biden his time.

“Tubby custard,” Po shrieked in surprise, having shrugged off any attack ever delivered upon her bulging body. She reached down, intent on grabbing the beast to crush it between her fingers, but it was gone. Her eyes widened as she felt something moving around inside her and bent down to look into the hole in her stomach, seeing the tail-end of the monster as it swerved around a corner inside her impressive girth.

She grunted and swayed side to side as large bulges beneath her skin traveled almost randomly around her body, clearly wreaking havoc on her sensitive organs. In a panic, Po opted to use her most prominent weapon, and she belly flopped onto the ground, hoping her fat-choked organs would crush the monstrosity. Nothing happened for a few moments, and Po smiled as her mighty, cholesterol clogged insides seemed to do the trick.

She pushed herself up and wiped some dirt and horse shit from her chest from laying on the dirty Ponyville streets which were absolutely crawling with horse shit from all the ponies that used to live here. She wiped a hand across her brow and noticed she was sweating profusely. “Tubby custard.” ((Boy it’s hot out here… I should go get some cool, refreshing NEW Coca-Cola-flavored Tubby Custard from our sponsors, Coca-Cola. Quench your thirst just like all your favorite teletubbies from Kim Possible: A sitch in Equestria fame.))

She pulled an elongated bottle of black tubby custard from out of frame and took a long swig before sighing in relief. “Tubby custard.” ((Awww, cool and refreshing, just as advertised.))

Dipsy didn’t want to interrupt the paid advertisement and waited for the end to point out the obvious to Po. “Tubby custard.” ((You’re glowing.))

Po beamed, not used to being complimented by boys, especially ones as cute as Dispy. “Tubby custard.” ((Thank you. I combed my ass hair today.))

Dipsy shook his head. He’s far too shy to compliment girls, even if he did think Po’s ass hair was the perfect mix of erotic and innocently sweet making her even more appealing. Also her ass is fat, and damn can it fart! “Tubby custard.” ((No, I mean you’re radiating light from inside, likely about to explode with the build up of energy.))

Po looked down, and, sure enough, her midsection was glowing even brighter than when she streamed a live feed from the baby head sun on her tummy screen.

“Tubby custa--.” ((I’m not sure why, but I feel that this can only be a good th--)) She was interrupted as her body violently exploded as hundreds of Ancient Vagyptian laser beams erupted in all directions at once, tearing her apart at the midsection with such force that her head and shoulders were wrent from their perch atop her torso and flung onto an electrical wire where she hung right next to Seabiscuit who was still screaming.

“Tubby custard,” she greeted him, and then the ravens began feasting on her eyeballs.

Inside the scorched cavity of Po’s body, Ethesto stood, even bigger and less-harmed than he had been before the fight began, vacuuming her putrid guts through his Noo-noo mouth.

“He’s growing more powerful,” Rufus realized, and knew that he had to get out of here before it turned its sights on him.

Ethesto looked back at the gaping Laa-laa, and jumped towards her. Teletubbies aren’t capable of feeling fear, but Dipsy suddenly felt an overwhelming urge to leave the area as fast as possible and return to home hill to play with his voice horns. He turned around to high-tail it away, when suddenly a large object split his asshole open as it began to force its way inside.

He gasped and let out a short scream, thinking that Ethetso had already finished with Laa-laa and was moving on to him, when he looked back and spotted Rufus half stuck in his asshole. His legs and stubby tail kicked wildly as he attempted to force himself in, and Dipsy couldn’t help but giggle and turn around, putting his pinky to his mouth like Shrek in that one scene.

If Rufus was that intent on entering his ass, he’d help him. Straining his entire body, he sucked Rufus inside with a ‘pop’. Leaving him to his shitty fate, Dipsy started running again, but was a bit confused that he couldn’t even feel Rufus inside him. Perhaps he’d instantly turned into shit or something. Dipsy didn’t care much at this point and kept running. He didn’t get far as a pair or laser beams scythed through the air in an ‘X’ just in front of him. He ran for a few moments more before his body split into four pieces and crumbled into a pile.

The last thing he saw was Ethesto slinking towards him, soaked in Laa-laa’s blood, before he spat another Ancient Vagyptian laser beam.

Touch Down had been in deep contemplation about what Rufus said while events unfolded, so he had a front-row seat as a teletubby-slaying abomination was spawned just a few feet away and proceeded to go on a rampage. Of course, even a fool like him could immediately notice that this creature bore a striking resemblance to his girlfriend, Applejack. He got a throbbing hard on as he watched its ass sway back and forth while it slaughtered the multicolored McDonalds mascots, and immediately knew what to do.

While it had its back turned to him just after finishing off the green one, he ran up and mounted it so fast he created a sonic boom. Ethesto struggled for a second until Touch Down’s gargantuan (for a pony) cock sunk into its rear end. Instead of struggling, he opened his mouth and moaned in ecstasy as Touch Down thrusted with enough speed to rip an ordinary pony in half. But this was no ordinary pony, this was a naked-mole-rat-centipede-unicorn-earth-pony-noo-noo hybrid, and even more importantly, it was part Applejack. Ethesto rode his cock with all the skill Applejack’s DNA had passed on to him and then some, and he waved his hat around in excitement with one horse hand.

Within seconds it was over as Touch blew his load, and the pair sat happily, knowing that nothing could come between their love now. They were too powerful. They would have a happy end after all…

Meanwhile, in Dr. Drakken’s previously-secret base, Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable stood staring at Shego’s open ass. She had long since died, still strapped in that compromising position, and her rotting corpse released an otherworldly stench through its otherworldly anal portal.

“It has been literally hours, and he still isn’t out. Maybe we should just give up and go home.” Kim Possible said sassily, like a teenage girl. “I have cute boys to talk to on the phone as well as cheer practice and also toooons of homework.”

“We can’t give up on him yet,” Ron insisted for the fortieth time as they’d repeated this same argument constantly since the moment Rufus had entered Shego’s ass in the first place. “Besides, he’s spent way longer than that in my- I mean, in asses anonymous.”

Kim didn’t seem kimvinced. “It has been literally hours, and he still isn’t out. Maybe we should just give up and go home.”

Suddenly Shego’s rotten ass glowed with an unnatural light, forcing the two of them to shield their eyes. When it diminished enough, they looked back and saw Rufus was emerging from it, looking exhausted.

“Buddy, you’re back!” Ron said excitedly as he grabbed his best friend and swung him around.

“Ehhh, nachos,” Rufus resplied intelligently, and Ron couldn’t help but agree.

“Yeah, I could go for some Buenos Nachos too buddy.”

“Before that,” Kim butted in. Jeez, what a bitch… “Did you defuse the bomb?”

Rufus’ eyes widened to be even more grossly oversized than normal as he remembered for the first time the whole reason he was in Equestria in the first place. After a few moments he smiled nervously and gave a thumbs-up, which Kim took at face value as she didn’t feel like questioning the strange body language of a disgusting fucking rat.

“Alright, looks like the mission was a success, time to head home.” The pair looked around the open room, trying to figure out how to leave. They didn’t have a Hitler to drill them out this time.

While she swept the area, Ron patted Rufus’ head with a finger.

“Good job buddy. I knew we could count on you.” Rufus sweated and swallowed nervously. Ron pulled out his waistband and revealed his bare, porcelain-white ass for Rufus. “There you go buddy, you deserve some rest.”

Rufus immediately perked up as being inside assholes is his favorite place (dumb fuck teletubbies thought it was a punishment), and he hopped on in.

Ron joined Kim who had found a large door with an exit sign above it.

“Found it,” she announced with pride. No task was impossible for Kim Possible. She opened the door and immediately molten magma spewed through the gap, filling the room and incinerating all of them.

Meanwhile in Equestria, Celestia sat uncomfortably on the floor in Twilight’s house.

“Guys…?” She called out, but received no answer.

“Is anypony there…?” She sat there for hours wondering when Twilight or her royal guards would return. This bomb in her ass was getting awfully itchy, and she really wanted them to come and disarm it before it went off.

Then her internal clock (and I don’t mean the one on the detonator) told her it was time to lower the sun, and frowned, remembering that she couldn’t control the sun anymore.

A few feet away, a speech horn slowly extended from the ground with a long, drawn-out fart.

“Time for tubby bye bye. Time for tubby bye bye. Time for tubby bye bye.”

The baby head sun yawned and began lowering on its own. It made eye-contact with Celestia through the window for the briefest moment and giggled, as though amused by her plight. Celestia pushed that thought away, knowing she was only ponysonifying an inanimate object.

As the sun sunk down completely, the bomb in her ass suddenly went off, releasing a 500 megaton atomic yield which annihilated all of Equestria (including Touch Down and Ethesto who you thought would have a happy ending, you fucking imbecile).

There were no survivors.

The end…?