Kim Possible: A Sitch in Equestria

Rufus scuttled across the ground like a creepy centipede, a dense carpet of discarded leaves, fruits and buds crunching under his tiny, yet unfathomably powerful pawsteps. Such juicy herbs might seem impossible to pass up to a disgusting garden-gorging bush-burper like yourself, but to a ravenous carnivore like Rufus they may as well have been pieces of jungle feces, strewn about the floor in varying sizes and colors. What Rufus wanted, aside from a cute gamer girl's little feet placed gently upon his tongue, was a colossal slab of uncooked meat.

He scoured the forest's edge for something, anything edible, but as he completed his scan of the perimeter, a task that took hardly ten minutes for a being as fast as him, he came to the disheartening conclusion that the horrifying beam of light that had spawned him had also scared any potential meals deep into the forest's center. Now at this point, you might be asking yourself, "well gee, why dun Rufus just eat that them ther crispified forest vermin like a disgusting imbecile?" Well, unlike a sniveling little creep like you, Rufus has some class. He doesn't want to be fed, he wants to hunt.

All this was problematic for Rufus, as he can only run really fast in a perfect circle, not in a straight line, the animals had the upper hand. He fretted for some time before he realized that the only way to deal with something this problematic was to cancel it on Twitter.

Quick as a whip rufus pulled his phone out of his asshole; it even made the whip crack sound from Johnny Test. His adorable rat fingers clacked along the touchscreen, as he pulled up the Twitter app on his phone.

"This is your last chance, I have over fifty followers and I WILL get you fired from your job because you dared exist in a manner that inconvenienced ME for even a single second," Rufus snarled with a sinister sneer. But he was met with silence, as while the Earth bent to his whim, setting the Amazon Rainforest ablaze, the forest that was right in front of him stayed ever imposing. Rufus quickly realized that not only did his phone not have service in this strange new world, meaning he was probably in Kyrgyztan or something, but it had also somehow broken when every atom of itself got ripped to shreds and reassembled, "I guess they just don't make em like they used too."

He shrugged and darted into the forest as fast as his little legs could take him, spurred on by his aching stomach. It wasn't fast. His stumpy little legs could only escort him at a meager twelve miles per hour. He hated running in straight lines, it made him feel like a man who'd fallen from his wheelchair, practically immobile by comparison. His waggling snout huffed and prodded at the air for some clue of the location of a significant prey, but through whichever means, they were able to avoid his keen mole smell.

Eventually however one piercing odor jammed through the muck of ambient olfactory inputs and struck Rufus right in the sniffer. It was coming from just a few hundred yards away, and it reeked of magic. He almost puked, but decided it wasn't time to jerk off while he puked all over his own cock until after dinner. His wailing gut made it impossible for him to get hard anyway. He dashed toward the source, drooling as he got closer and closer, before the dense wooden towers surrounding him broke out into a clearing, within which lay a single, massive tree that sprung forth from the ground like a big hard wiener.

It was speckled with holes, all of which had dim lights pouring out in soft beams very much unlike the one that'd brought him here. But what most interested Rufus was the door, which meant that this tree clearly housed some manner of potentially tasty terrestrial. He swaggered right up to said door, swinging his fat cock around in his hand like a baseball bat. He helicoptered it as fast as he could before thinking of a good helicopter-dick-based pun to say.

"How bout a chopper on your chops, wimp," he spat, before swinging his dick full force into the door, resulting in its near-instantaneous collision with the opposite wall of the tree house. A yelp came from within the abode, and Rufus rotated his head towards the source, locking his eyes on a terrified zebra that was huddled over a bubbling cauldron.

"Who in the fuck are you, and why the fuck was this something you would do?" the creature rhymed at him obnoxiously.

"I'm here to eat, not rap, you best hop into my belly before I have a white woman call the cops on you." Rufus skulked toward the poor zebra, cutting her off as she desperately tried to circle around and away.

"I'm not as retarded as you think I am. For situations like this, I have emergency ham," boasted the little zebra. Rufus paused for a split second, he loved ham, any food forbidden by two religions has to be worth devouring. All the funnest activities are ones that piss off God.

"How big is it?" moaned Rufus as he licked his lips, whining for the delicious ham like your cockslut mom whines for more cocks in her gaping, crusty pussy. Your momma such a whore that when you were born you got AIDS in your head.

"What I'm telling you is true, the ham's four times as big as you." This got Rufus's eyes rolling in his head like when a cartoon character thinks he's gonna get a lot of money and his eyes turn to money signs except Rufus's turned into hams.

The little zebra swiftly ran over to her enormous double-door refrigerator and pulled out a massive ham that glistened with succulent hog juice in the dim glow of the wall candles. Rufus wasted no time, leaping through the air with his mouth agape. He sunk his stupid-looking Timmy Turner buckteeth into the ham as his mouth stretched around the lip of the entire meal. He slowly wiggled his top jaw, walking the ham deeper into his open maw with his gigantic incisors. The repulsive gurgles that lurched wetly from his gullet were accompanied by splatters of vile drool, that had already begun breaking down the ham. The resulting mixture was something akin to pork broth.

Finally, his lips closed around the end of the ham, and his body stretched to accommodate, bulging out like the blueberry girl from Willy Wonka. Like a trash compactor, his insides loudly crushed the entire ham until his body was deflated enough to at least move again. He belched, blushed, and giggled like a little girl. "Tee hee."

Full and satisfied, Rufus sunk to the dank floor, a carpet of dried moss, rotting tree bark, and maggoty bread. He let out a long yawn, his mouth stretching open to reveal his rows and rows of needle-like teeth extending into the back of his throat. "That really hit the spot," Rufus admitted, as he got comfortable, "and boooooy I sure am sleepy."

Across the room, the zebra nodded. "You were a fool to eat my meat, and a double fool to trust me(at). You should never trust one who lives in a tree like a sniveling creep, now lay down your sweet head, and don't make a peep." Rufus wasn't sure why she was instructing him to not make those sugar-infused marshmallows from Easter, but he wasn't about to complain. That is, until the zebra continued her monologue: "It wasn't even real ham you consumed, it was actually 'hamb' you ignorant buffoon."

Rufus' eyes lit up like the fourth of July, and his neck turned at a sharp angle, his cheek flaps whipping around and violently knocking a few vases off their pedestals. He wasn't currently wearing his Double You hat, so he had to speak what was metaphorically on, but physically off, his mind. "W-hat?! Pray tell you amend the previous statement to now end with 'I'm Joking', lest I become irate."

The zebra gave him a level stare, the little bubble resting perfectly in the center of her forehead. "How greedily you ate the hamb, is it perhaps that you don't know what I amb?" She said, nearly reusing her rhyme from earlier.

Rufus looked a touch confused, but his mind was able to work at speeds the likes of which you can't even fathom, and he was quickly able to come up with an appropriate reply. "A zebra," he said with a smug anime girl.jpeg.

She scrunched her face up like a tissue after I've finished cummi- Wait I already used that one... Uh, she scrunched her face up like those hair ties that were popular in the 80's that, if Disney channel is to be believed, are called 'scrunchies'. "That's our word," the zebr- I mean, she said angrily, "something, something, bird."

"Keep your something, something, birds to yourself, and I'm afraid I'm not following. If you're not a zebra, pray tell, what are you? Or am I to presume these word games are some elaborate foreplay foreshadowing us having sex in the next chapter? And answer quick, lest I raise my voice," he whispered.

"What?" She asked.

"Keep your something, something, birds to yourself, and I'm afraid I'm not following. If you're not a zebra, pray tell, what are you? Or am I to presume these word games are some elaborate foreplay foreshadowing us having sex in the next chapter? And answer quick, lest I raise my voice," he repeated, loud enough for her to hear this time.

Hearing this, she got a wicked grin, "Then you truly don't know about me or my kin. We are ponies that have fallen to sin. We blacked ponies are wicked as sin. The result of our evil is a full-body cutie mark that represents all our sin. For we are evil within. Each band represents a different negative trait or action I perform or should I say a 'sin'? One time, I stepped on a stray puppy on accident at the park and got a black band on my shin, and before I knew it my number of black marks was above ten! And this one on my butt isn't actually a cutie mark, it's just a stain from a pen." A new mark materialized, as now she's a liar.

"Well gee, you have more bands than the fabled thirteen-banded armadillo," Rufus observed. "And might I suggest giving cosign and tangent a try."

She ignored this quip in favor of continuing her explanation, and further building the world, "and of course, I got this mark for concocting drugs without a permit. I put some of those drugs in the hamb, and you ate it."

Rufus woke up from his drug-induced slumber. "What?"

"And once you pass out, I'll grind your body down and my degenerate friends and I will snort it as an aphrodisiac."

Rufus put one hand on his chin, his claws manicured and painted a hot pink as he's a bad bitch, and thought to himself for a moment. "You know, I'd kinda prefer if you wouldn't," he admitted.

"Oh, uh, alright then," she said, "I guess I won't.

"Thanks, I appreciate that," Rufus nodded, still feeling a bit sleepy from the drugs. He knew what to do, though. He reached into his gaping asshole and produced a sparkling wand with a glowing pink heart on the tip. "Sparkle POWER!" He exclaimed, and suddenly there was a great big flash, everything just changed, his molecules got all rearranged.

He spun in place, his many folds along his back and tummy stretching tight, forming into the shape of a frilly dress, and the drooping flesh on his scalp pulled back into twin skin tails, each one as long as Rufus is tall. They flopped around as he continued to twirl, seemingly in a wind that only they knew. And what happened then? Well, in Whoville they say, his small eyes grew three sizes that day.

"Kawaii Desu~~~~" He said, winking. Then all the drugs were purged from his system instantly as drugs aint daijobu.

"Nani?! That's impossibru!" she said, doing a flip.

Rufus was impressed, but not as impressed as he's gonna be. "Ugoo~ By the by, my names Rufus-chan, des!" He turned to look at the clock, only to see it was later in the day than he though. "Kyaaaa, I'm going to be late for the first day of school. That's totally NOT sugoi!" He put a piece of toast in his mouth and was about to run out the door when another voice from across the room caught his attention.

"Hey, don't go!" Rufus head turned so fast, it made the whipping sound from Johnny Test, and he saw in the corner of the room some kind of furrless pink rat female in a cage. "Nani the fuck?!"

"I'm a chupicabra, and she's trapped me in this cage and is going to kill me. You have to help me."

Rufus considered it, then nodded. He turned back to that other girl who'd been waiting patiently across the room. "Now you've asked for it, villain. Face my Heart Heart Puffy Peach Shower!" As he shouted this he turned, his face getting red as he strained.

A single radiant heart fluttered clumsily out of the tip of Rufus's wand, waggling on a zigzag path towards the enemy zebra. It collided with the side of her head, emitting a pleasant "slap" before dragging itself along the length of her body, scraping off hair and skin with it.

The zebra screamed as her skin was eaten away by the sparkling heart, which was not only radiant, but radioactive as well. The destructive waves blasted the very atoms of the skin as it violently vaporized it, leaving a long greyish-red streak along her body, starting from her snout, ending at her rump. Once the heart slid off the zebra's form it continued forward and smashed into the far wall, before melting through and sailing into the forest.

The adrenaline and shock from having her skin smeared off momentarily knocked the zebra out of the throws of agony. Her eyes darted for any way out, before resting on a single mask hanging on her wall. As she dove toward it, Rufus released a tornado of hearts that spiraled towards her, each humming with radioactivity. Just as they collided with her she dashed the mask in front of her face.

They thudded forcefully against the wooden cover, but not one advanced beyond, instead careening off in random directions, bashing through the walls and into the darkness. Rufus cursed aloud, which is not ordinarily kawaii, but he made sure to put his finger up to his lips and widen his eyes when he did it.

"Oogah Boogah," retorted the now-masked zebra before leaping through the nearest window. As she descended, a piece of glass cut her on the side and the mask disappeared, "WHOA!"

Rufus considered giving chase, before realizing that he'd barged into her home and nearly killed her, and was therefore the aggressor/bad guy.

"But that can't be right, " Rufus pondered aloud to himself, "I'm here to disarm a bomb and save the world, so who cares if I murder and eat somebody who kidnaps chupicabras?"

"Certainly not me," replied the chupicabra from inside her cage, "I actually might be in favor of such activities."

"That's good to hear," chuckled Rufus, "though I must say you seem like a biased source."

"Yeah? Well I'm also a bi-ASSED source," moaned the lady chup as she turned around. Rufus looked down and was amazed to see that she did indeed have two asses, one right next to the other.

"Wow, bi-assed is RIGHT!" exclaimed Rufus, "but a 'source' of what might you be exactly?"

She rolled her eyes in response, before spreading her four ass cheeks, revealing two butt holes.

"Poop, silly."

That was all Rufus needed to hear. Immediately his hands flew to the latch of the chupicabra's cage, not wasting time jostling it loose, but rather tearing it from the cage along with the entire door. With buoyant zeal he plunged forth into the jiggling masses of quadruple-cheeked twin-rectums.

His needle-thin tongue snaked out from its moist basket like a charmed cobra and into the even moister depths of the alien anus. His hands dutifully spanked along the row of cheeks at a rhythmic pace as his tongue whirl-winded around her inner bowel, gradually collecting shit.

He then ceased spanking and wormed his prodding fingers into the crusty cheeks of the left ass, carving through caked shit like a scooper through soft ice cream. When he reached the basin of the shit pit, he was not greeted by a puckered hole, but rather a beautiful budding rose.

"My gosh you're prolapsing," cried Rufus as he pulled back from the freshly-licked hole, the shit in his mouth sliding down his throat with a sensual 'gulp.'

He haphazardly plunged his erect cock into the healthy, licked asshole, then locked his eyes hungrily on the adjacent ass. He violently spread the tender cheeks, the caked shit cracking and flaking off, creating a noise akin to potato chips being stepped on by gamer girl feet.

The red rose bud within seemingly guided him like Rudolf's nose, drawing him ever closer. He opened his mouth as he dipped toward the sleek scarlet pod, gently extending his tongue to give it a soft lick. His massive incisors rested themselves on either side, before he slowly applied pressure.

He did not bite. To Rufus, this would be like biting a perfectly cut Ruby in half. Wasteful, tactless. With his two eternally growing rodent teeth he gently, gingerly squeezed the prolapsed asshole like one would tenderly nibble a nipple.

Slowly Rufus thrust as he continued to squeeze with his teeth. The thrusting was a formality at this point. To him, it was for mindless penile stimulation, and for the chupicabra it was adequate anal sex.

The real treasure was the plump button that rested between Rufus's chompers. With every squeeze the chupicabra felt a shiver roll up her loins and down her back simultaneously. With every squish Rufus felt his balls, which are bigger than yours and produce more cum, tighten up against the underside of his cock, slowly stepping him towards an earth-shattering orgasm.

"R-r-radical butt work, stranger," stammered the chupicabra through pants and moans,"now bite down just a tiny bit harder."

Rufus complied, and immediately a thin stream-of-consciousness brown liquid fired from the center of the boil-like prolapse and directly into the back of his mouth. The chupicabra moaned as her right anus clamped onto the cock inside it, while the left one squirted blast after blast of bloody liquid shit into Rufus's gaping throat hole. She collapsed forward with little ceremony, leaving Rufus both confused and disgusted.

"What the fuck was that?"choked Rufus between heaves.

"What do you mean?"

"WHAT DO I MEAN? YOU JUST SQUIRTED DIARRHEA INTO MY MOUTH YOU SLUT!" he screamed, "ANY NORMAL PERSON WOULD AGREE THAT WHAT WE DID WAS SEXY RIGHT UP UNTIL THAT POINT. THEN IT BECAME GROSS!"

Rufus was so mad he didn't even let that rude little bitch try to explain herself, he just turned and stomped out the door.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Equestrian, Touch Down walked languidly across Ponyville towards his home. His normally-brown fur was still caked in dried blood from his latest Hoofegg match, and his shuffling gate occasionally dislodged flakes of dried viscera, leaving the type of red carpet Holleywood actors DON'T walk on.

"Sigh?" Touch Down asked himself, prompting his body to sigh, displaying his excellent control over his bone-clothes; the true sign of a trained athlete. If you asked him to- which you won't because you're a coward- he'd also be able to fart on command, which doesn't seem impressive to someone who spends upwards on 25% of their time passing gas such as you, but is impressive by pony standards(which he is one of).

Within mere minutes, Touch Down had reached his destination; A house. Not just any house, mind you. This was HIS house. A house which he had not only paid for, but also one he LIVED in. As he neared, he opened his sharp eyes, penetrated the atmosphere like a harpoon, allowing him to perceive the building before him. His eyes immediately widened, his soft skull creaking as they pressed against the narrow confines of their eternal prison, and his mouth fell open.

"Gasp?" He questioned, only for his body to audibly gasp. You would too if you saw what he saw. Before him, a hole about the size of a full-grown beaver was smashed into the slanted side of his home's thatch roof, a small cloud of white smoke still wafting from the opening.

"Aw heck, I don't have hole insurance!" He exclaimed as he rushed into his home, neglecting to open the door as he was in such a hurry he simply walked into it. As his body weight pressed against the narrow wood of the door, it creaked and bend for a single moment before shattering inwards in a rain of splinters and dust.

Touch Down stepped into his home, his capped feet not even feeling the jagged shards of wood as he proceeded into the living room. Light shone through the ceiling-hole, making beams through the smoke that filled the area like a fine mist.

"Blow?" Touch Down queried, and his lungs immediately discharged their payload of carbon dioxide, voiding the entire room of smoke as it was forced out one of the two openings. Touch Down's eyes, which hadn't yet retracted to their original size, grew in magnitude yet again, drawing blood from his surrounding body to add to their overall mass as cracks ran through his malleable skull and it let out a slight creak, threatening to crumple like a sea turtle egg.

Before him, in the middle of the room, lay a steaming pile of shit in the shape of a hoofegg. A hoofegg he was intimately familiar with after it caused him to lose his last and most important match of Hoofegg. Moreover, the dense turd, wind-swept from its flight, sat right atop his puppy's favorite dog bed. The twisted legs, stuck out at horrible angles as though frozen in the throws of pain, revealed that his little puppers had been enjoying a relaxing nap while Papa was away at work when tragedy struck.

"Mr. Meeples," Touch Down sobbed as he fell to his horse knees before the disaster, the smell of burnt shit finally reaching his nose. It would have caused him to retch if he wasn't intimately familiar with the smell from spending time with his girlfriend, Applejack, who worked on a farm. Touch Down's teeth ground together like nails on a chalk board as he came to a conclusion. This was no tragedy. Shit doesn't just fall from the sky for no reason. Someone had to have shit this shit.

He stood up and swore a vow of vengeance. One day he'd find the bastard responsible for ruining his career, killing his puppers, and damaging his home, and he'd make them pay.

Letting all his pain and anguish out in a single compressed "REEE!" that lasted only 3 short seconds, his mind reformatted, preparing for cold, calculated revengeance.