Chapters Grey.
A simple color. One that was halfway between the extremes of black and white. Additionally, grey was considered one of the blandest in the endless spectrum. It shouldn't have caused such a reaction in Twilight. Yet, the color grey carried many connotations. One of which was aging.
Twilight couldn't help but stare. It shouldn't have been there. It was an aberration of nature, an evil phenomenon that couldn't exist. Yet, no matter what she thought, there it was. A single, long grey streak, extending down the length of Rarity's mane. A drop in the sea of vibrant purple. She almost didn't notice it, and might've gone the whole day without doing so, had the unicorn not tossed her mane the way she always did, exposing the streak.
Twilight's jaw didn't drop, but her mouth was open. She stared unblinking at the sight, terrified of saying anything. Because if she did acknowledge it, that would mean it was real, not some stress-induced hallucination. Nopony else had said anything, so that had to be the explanation. Her brain struggled to come up with some kind of excuse for her actions, or something to stop it from existing, as Rainbow and Applejack were starting to stare at her.
Finally, Rarity finished her conversation with Fluttershy and Pinkie, and turned to Twilight. She opened her mouth, presumably asking a question. But Twilight couldn't hear anything. That grey streak consumed every neuron of her brain, leaving her incapable of anything. Rarity followed Twilight's gaze, her eyes landing on her own mane. Understanding then dawned on the unicorn, and she chuckled a bit. Twilight had to bite her tongue to stop herself from yelling, from screaming at Rarity that this was no laughing matter.
"Oh, you noticed that, darling!" she giggled. "It is kind of a shock, isn't it?"
Twilight swallowed. That did it. This wasn't some twisted nightmare. It was real. Rarity really was going grey. A few years ago, Twilight would've broken down and sobbed in terror at the reality she was faced with. Nowadays, she'd gained more self-control. Frantic, she forced the terror down into the bottom of her stomach.
"I, er..." she stumbled over her words, "I just didn't expect it. I thought you would've covered it up. I know how attached you are to your mane."
"I considered it," Rarity admitted, "but ultimately, I decided I liked the look. Besides, embracing one's age is so in style right now."
Twilight had to remind herself to keep taking deep breaths. If she didn't, she knew she'd break down in front of her friends, and that would lead to the most uncomfortable conversation of her life. When she became an alicorn, she hadn't thought about the implications for her age. Celestia and Luna weren't truly immortal, they'd told her so, but they had lived for over one-thousand years. Twilight's face hadn't changed in the years since she'd earned her wings, but she hadn't paid it any heed. Now, looking at Rarity's change, Twilight couldn't deny the evidence in front of her.
She was going to outlive them. She was going to outlive...her.
The others had descended into more discussions, ranging from Rainbow and Applejack's relationship to Pinkie's pregnancy. Twilight could only look down at the floor, feeling dead inside. She was lucky Spike was away on business, or he'd have called attention to her, and she'd have been forced to confess exactly what was going on in her head. Which was, of course, a nervous breakdown.
Usually, journaling was a comforting activity for Twilight. It allowed her to review the day's events and commit any important details to memory. Even on bad days, she used it to recall what had gone wrong, and learn from it, so she wouldn't repeat the same mistakes. Today, however, it brought none of those benefits.
Twilight couldn't focus enough to string together two coherent thoughts. Her entire body felt like it had shut down from today's revelation. All she could see was that grey, dull streak, flowing through Rarity's mane, one that would soon spread, erasing all of the beautiful purple that had once been there. Twilight felt so numb she couldn't even cry. She'd been absentmindedly writing with her quill, her magic on autopilot, scratching away at the journal.
Swallowing, Twilight looked down at the journal, looking at what she'd written. To her surprise, she'd managed to actually write one phrase repeatedly, in irregular rows across the page.
I never told her.
Those four words, spread across the pages like a condemning curse, caused another hole to form in Twilight's stomach. Her heart had broadcast its thoughts out through her writing, forcing her to confront the truth she hadn't been sure about.
Part of her briefly wondered if she'd be having these thoughts if Rarity hadn't been the first one to show signs. It was possible she wouldn't be, but ultimately, it didn't matter. Rarity was the one. The unicorn herself didn't seem to be concerned over it. In a way, that made it worse. Her body was slowly decaying, and she didn't even care. Twilight felt like she was wasting away internally just rom the thought.
Quickly, the alicorn's mind began racing, looking for solutions. Surely there had to be some experimental reverse-aging spell, right? Even if there wasn't, maybe she could simply stop the process? If they all came together, perhaps there was enough residual magic from the Elements left in the group that they could collectively stop themselves from aging, at least for a while? What if she turned them all into alicorns? Or Discord could—
Twilight pushed those thoughts out of her head. She was just digging herself into a pit of denial. If she went down that road, it would be the Want-It, Need-It incident all over again. Or worse. She took a deep breath and held it in for several seconds before releasing it, then repeated the action a couple of times. She wasn't some all powerful goddess pony like she used to imagine Celestia was. This wasn't something she could "fix."
Despondent, Twilight looked back down at her journal, at the four-word phrase inscribed all over the page. Why had she never made a move? She supposed she didn't want to jeopardize her friendships, or create any unnecessary drama. Also, she'd been afraid of breaking Spike's heart if he saw the two of them together.
With a sigh, Twilight lit up her horn, flipping her journal closed. She couldn't stop time, but maybe she could correct one mistake.
Author's Note
I don't subscribe to the theory that Twilight will outlive the rest of the six, but I liked this idea for the contest.
White. If one wanted to be one-hundred percent accurate, it wasn't even technically a color. It was all colors at once, combining to create something new. Most ponies still thought of it as a color, though, and there was really no reason to dissuade them. It was a beautiful sight, bringing to mind purity and cleanliness.
It was also the only color Princess Twilight could see as she paced around the Canterlot throne room. It wasn't that there was a white object obscuring her vision, or that she was going blind. There wasn't even a ton of white in the throne room anymore, after it had been rebuilt repeatedly. No, it was because of the mare on her mind, the mare who was currently making her way towards Twilight at the alicorn's invitation.
All Twilight could see in her mind's eye was Rarity's pristine, alabaster coat, one that had remained unchanged in all the years they'd known each other. It was one of Rarity's most eye-catching features, aside from her brilliant blue eyes, and her curled purple mane that was slowly degrading and would probably be all grey by the end of the month—
Twilight took another deep breath, shutting down that train of thought before it went careening off a cliff. She couldn't afford to terrify herself into a state of shock, not at a time like this. It wasn't every day that one confessed to the mare they'd been secretly pining after for years, while still knowing a real relationship was impossible. Twilight knew Rarity probably didn't feel the same way, and even if she did, things were different now. Maybe it would've worked while Twilight was still living in Ponyville, but now she was the ruler of Equestria. There were just too many obstacles.
Looking up at one of the many stained glass windows depicting her and her friends wielding the Elements of Harmony, Twilight sighed deeply, filled with regret. She knew why she'd never made a move on Rarity, but that knowledge did little to ease the pain of knowing the unicorn was probably out of her reach forever. Or, more accurately, Twilight was now out of Rarity's reach. The Canterlot nobility didn't have an enormous amount of political power (Celestia and Luna had been smart enough to ensure that), but there would still be an uproar if the princess of Equestria married a commoner, even if Rarity had helped save all of Equestria many times. Rarity would be scrutinized in cruel and unfair ways, would probably be forced to give up her boutiques, and would be criticized no matter what she did. Twilight couldn't bear to put anypony through that, much less a mare she loved.
A knock at the door drew her attention. She turned in time to see Gallus push open the door, wearing his custom-made Royal Guard armor.
"Princess Twilight?" he called out. "Lady Rarity has arrived. She's right on time for your appointment."
Twilight swallowed, and managed to slap a smile on her face. "Thank you, Gallus," she said. "Please, show her in. And please tell the others not to disturb us for an hour or so."
Gallus gave a small bow, then retreated, allowing the door to close behind him. Twilight was only left to marinate in her own thoughts and fears for a few seconds, before the familiar blue magic glow enveloped the door, pushing it open once more.
Rarity looked the same as she always did, with the exception of the grey streak through her mane that made Twilight wince again (she didn't think Rarity noticed, though). She'd taken to wearing a dark-blue cloak with a fluffy neckline, pinned by a blue gemstone reminiscent of her Cutie Mark. It seemed a little odd to Twilight, but then again, the purple alicorn had never been a fashion expert, and probably never would be.
"Ah! Twilight, darling!" Rarity called out as she strutted up to the throne, head held as high as ever. "Wonderful to see you, as always!" Then she took a second to glance around. "I see I'm the first one to arrive again. Punctuality is something they really could stand to improve on."
Twilight swallowed again. Apparently she hadn't been clear enough in her letter. Rarity believed this was just another routine Friendship Council meeting, when it was anything but.
"Rarity," she began, "the others aren't coming. I wanted to talk to you...alone."
Rarity blinked a couple of times, apparently taken by surprise. However, she recovered quickly enough, going back to her normal self in seconds.
"Alright, then," she replied. "What was it you wanted to talk about, Twilight? Is there another ball coming up, and you require a dress? I would be delighted to—"
"No, nothing like that," Twilight cut her off, waving one of her forehooves. "It's...something more personal."
She lit up her horn, levitating over a hooful of flashcards (old habits really did die hard). She did a quick check of their order, making sure it was correct. Then she took another deep breath, and began to read.
"'Rarity, we've been friends for a very long time, and you know I have a great deal of respect for you.'" Change cards. "'But I haven't been completely honest about my feelings towards you.'" Change cards. "'And in light of recent developments, I feel I need to correct this oversight.'" Change cards. "'The fact of the matter is, I—'"
Rarity's blue aura lit up around the flashcards, pushing them down, and bringing her back into Twilight's view.
"Twilight, dear, I mean no disrespect by saying this," she said, "but I think you're being a little stilted. I promise there's no need to worry. We're friends, aren't we? You can say absolutely anything to me."
Twilight felt nervous sweat drip down the back of her neck. She knew Rarity wasn't exaggerating, but she also knew the unicorn didn't have any clue what she was building up to. The idea with the flashcards had been to ease Rarity into the idea, so that it wouldn't be as big a shock to her. However, it appeared she was making Rarity uncomfortable instead, something she had no desire to do. Sighing to herself, Twilight warped the flashcards away with a burst of magic, then looked Rarity in the eye.
"Alright, I'll get to the point," she said. She took one more deep breath, then said "I love you, Rarity."
For the next few seconds, nothing happened. Rarity and Twilight merely stood, blinking at each other, presumably while Rarity's brain was processing those three words. Twilight felt the pit in her stomach grow deeper and deeper as the silence continued.
Finally, Rarity broke the tension. "I...beg your pardon, darling?"
Twilight briefly considered lying, denying her confession in an effort to escape this situation. However, the idea felt unkind to her, and there was always the chance Rarity would see right through it. Instead, Twilight steeled herself, and kept talking.
"I've loved you for years. It wasn't love at first sight, or anything, but I've always found you very attractive. After the first few times we saved Equestria with the others, and I saw how your generosity ran so deep, I just felt it more and more. I couldn't keep it inside any longer." She released a breath, then locked her eyes on the ground. "I'm sorry, Rarity."
Another minute or so of silence followed. Twilight couldn't bring herself to look up, terrified of what she might see. She knew Rarity was far too kind to be repulsed by her confession, even if she didn't feel the same way, but that didn't mean her reaction wouldn't crush Twilight's self-esteem. She wished she hadn't run out of things to say, so she could at least fill this uncomfortable silence.
Rarity, once again, was the one to speak first. "Twilight...what brought this on? Why didn't you say anything before?" Twilight mentally cursed when the voice she heard sounded almost afraid.
"It was...that grey streak, in your mane," the alicorn admitted. "When I saw it, I started thinking about my own longevity, and how I was never really honest with myself about how I felt before, and now you and the girls are getting older, and I think I'm going to outlive you. I never confessed before because I didn't want to make Spike feel bad, and I wanted him to get over his crush on you first, but in reality, that was another lie I told myself so I'd never act on it, and oh my goodness, what have I done?"
Twilight bit her tongue, stopping her rant before she said something she'd truly regret. She didn't know why she'd ever thought this was a good idea. She'd probably alienated Rarity forever, or at least made it so things could never be normal between them again. Friendship Council meetings would be awkward and painful now, and the others would easily pick up on their emotions. Twilight had ruined everything, and for what? So that she wouldn't have to stew in her own thoughts anymore? Why couldn't she have just—
Twilight's thoughts were interrupted by the faint blue light that enveloped her head, pushing her face upwards so that she could see Rarity again. However, to her surprise, the unicorn's expression was a sad smile, rather than something disturbed or upset. Twilight's jaw actually dropped at the sight, and she found she couldn't move, even when Rarity trotted up and hugged her.
"Oh, darling," Rarity whispered. "I'm so sorry you've been carrying that burden around in your heart for so long."
Twilight couldn't stop herself anymore. Her eyes filled with liquid, and the first few tears dripped down her muzzle. She draped a wing over Rarity, pulling the unicorn closer and allowing some of her tears to fall into Rarity's mane.
"I thought...I couldn't go my whole life without saying anything. I saw that grey streak, and I just started thinking about mortality, and I know you're not going to die anytime soon, but I'll probably outlive you and the girls, and I—"
"Shh," Rarity hushed her. "It's okay. You have nothing to apologize for."
Twilight took another few deep breaths to calm herself down. The two mares stayed in position for a while, simply breathing and feeling each other's presence. Finally, Twilight folded her wing back into place, and took a step back from Rarity, allowing the two of them to look each other in the eye once more.
"Thank you for listening," said Twilight. "I understand nothing can come from it, but—"
"Wait, what?" Rarity cut her off. "Whatever do you mean? I may not exactly share your feelings, but I'm perfectly willing to give a relationship a chance!"
Twilight's heart leapt upon hearing those words, but the logical part of her brain shot it down quickly.
"Rarity, I'm the princess of Equestria. Certain...unsavory ponies would throw a fit if I took a partner, and I couldn't bear to put you through that. Not to mention you probably wouldn't be able to keep your boutiques, which you've worked so hard on your whole life."
Rarity's expression shifted from perplexed to a calm understanding as Twilight went on. She shook her head sadly.
"Twilight Sparkle, you are too considerate for your own good," she chuckled. "Though, if us getting married would cause you to feel that much guilt, I understand."
"Thank you," Twilight responded. "I just wish I'd found the courage to tell you sooner. It would've saved us a lot of regret. I suppose there's no point in agonizing over it, though. It's done."
"It is, isn't it?" asked Rarity, looking somber again. "But surely that doesn't mean nothing can come of it. I've got years left in me. We could...have something, if only for a short time."
Twilight thought it over. "I suppose, we could have some sort of...secret affair, but would that really be right? Would it—"
"Darling, what would be immoral about it?" asked Rarity. "Neither of us would be cheating on anypony, and we both know it wouldn't lead to marriage or anything, so we aren't lying to each other. I have no plans to find a partner in the future, and I know you well enough to know you are the same."
"Maybe," Twilight admitted. "But...we wouldn't be able to speak freely about it. I'm not suggesting we keep it from the others, but we couldn't do things in public. We'd have to keep it a secret from most creatures. Are you sure you're okay with that?"
Rarity nodded with no hesitation. "I promise you, I have no qualms about this. I know it can't last, but I care deeply about you all the same, and I would love the chance to make you happy."
Twilight smiled for the first time that day. "Okay. Can you promise me one thing?"
"Anything, dear."
"If...if you realize you don't feel...that way about me at all, tell me, and we'll break it off immediately. I never want to force you into something against your feelings."
"Of course, Twilight. Thank you for thinking of me."
Twilight felt her heart lift a bit. Perhaps she could at least have something with the mare she'd loved for so long, if only to create more pleasant memories. Even if they couldn't get married.
Author's Note
Final chapter coming soon!
Black.
Another exception in the world of colors. It was the complete inverse of white. Instead of all colors combining at once, it was the absence of all colors. Like white, it technically wasn't a color, but most believed it to be one. Every creature had black in their eyes (except Discord), but most didn't even notice it next to the brighter colors. Essentially, it was an empty void, a blank slate where nothing existed. Unlike white, which brought about feelings of purity and peace, black seemed to embody terrible implications, even worse than grey, bringing to mind thoughts of emptiness and darkness, causing anyone who looked at it to be filled with sadness.
Now, it was the only color Princess Twilight could think of. Because it was the color of despair.
Twilight's "affair" with Rarity had started innocently enough. The two had met a few times a month, simply spending time in each other's company. When Twilight had time, they'd teleported to isolated places around Equestria, where no one would disturb them. It had been awkward at first, especially when Rarity had kissed her in the middle of a Friendship Council meeting, and the two of them had to endure Rainbow Dash's jokes for the rest of the day, since they hadn't told the others yet. Of course, after they'd explained, the remaining four mares had been nothing but supportive. Even Spike had congratulated them, having gotten over his longtime crush on Rarity. The only really sad feelings had been Pinkie's, when she realized she wouldn't get the chance to plan another wedding party.
Twilight hadn't expected the tryst to last as long as it did. She'd thought, even after Rarity had convinced her to give it a chance, that Rarity would quickly realize she didn't reciprocate Twilight's feelings and break it off. She would've been fine with that, since she'd never expected she'd get to be with Rarity in that way for even an insignificant length of time. However, what had actually happened was Rarity developing a real attraction towards Twilight, or so she'd claimed. Their sessions together had become more passionate as time went on, real love blossoming from nothing. Twilight would say they were among the best days of her life.
Of course, now that those times were coming to an end, Twilight wished she'd never made a move.
Princess Twilight was currently by Rarity's bedside in Ponyville General Hospital, standing over the bedridden white unicorn. Rarity had suddenly collapsed in her boutique (Twilight wasn't surprised she'd never stopped working), but fortunately, Sweetie Belle had been visiting, and called the hospital. After they'd stabilized Rarity, the doctor had sent word to Twilight and the others (remarkably, none of them had passed away yet) at Rarity's request. After they'd all had a brief talk, Twilight had requested some alone time with Rarity, which the others had granted.
More anguish began to drip into Twilight's stomach as she stared down at her lover. The years had been kinder to her than other ponies, but her appearance was still degraded. Rarity's gorgeous purple mane had completely faded to grey, and it now cascaded loosely around her head. It didn't have the strength for her to curl it anymore. Her skin had shriveled and wrinkled, and her eyes no longer had that same blue luster. Twilight would've said she was as beautiful as ever, but her mind recalled that Rarity's body was slowly degrading, and wouldn't be able to support her much longer.
"There's no need to look so down, darling," Rarity insisted. "It's just one bad day for me. Soon we'll be able to—"
"No, we won't," Twilight cut her off. "Rarity, there's no way to deny it. You're getting old, and all the others are, too. I'm the only one who hasn't changed, even with Luster Dawn's impending ascension to the throne. Soon, I'm going to be alone."
Rarity didn't respond immediately. In hindsight, maybe Twilight had been a little harsh with that statement. What could one say in response to that? However, another part of her reasoned that she had to be firm with what she said, otherwise Rarity would just continue to remain in denial, unintentionally tearing out Twilight's heart and stomping on it. Twilight wasn't happy to act the way she did, but she saw no other options.
Rarity coughed into her hoof a couple of times, making Twilight flinch. Her love of Rarity hadn't waned at all over the years they'd spent discreetly loving each other, and seeing this only made her want to vomit, if she were physically capable of doing so. She wished, more than anything, that her body would start failing just like everypony else's.
"I...I don't know how much time I have left," Rarity admitted, "but I am happy I spent those years with you, Twilight. You made me feel wonderful."
That broke the floodgates. Twilight squeezed her eyes shut as tears began to drip down her muzzle, falling onto the floor. She placed her forelegs on the bed and buried her face in the fold of the legs, sobbing quietly. Rarity placed a hoof onto the back of her head, not saying anything, simply letting Twilight cry it out.
"Why?! Why did I ever make a move?!" Twilight whimpered. "Why did I ever agree to give it a chance?! If we'd never had those days, I wouldn't be missing them! How long am I going to be doomed to walk this planet alone?!"
"You'll always remember the time we did have, Twilight," Rarity tried to reassure her. "I know, I wish you'd admitted how you felt earlier as well, but there's nothing that can be done about that now. I—"
"I don't want memories," Twilight sobbed out. "Memories are the ultimate cruelty of life. They exist to remind us of things that we've lost forever. They bring to mind feelings that you can never get back no matter how much you wish. I'd rather never have experienced those things than be left with nothing but memories!"
Rarity fell silent again. Twilight just cried silently, while Rarity brushed a hoof through her mane. Neither mare seemed to know what to say. Twilight didn't blame Rarity, considering that she'd just thrown the unicorn's attempts at comfort back in her face, but she was just being honest. This problem wasn't one that would be solved with a couple of pretty words and some hugging. What exactly would fix Twilight's misery, outside of some divine intervention, she couldn't say, but it was better than being in denial.
"Twilight," Rarity began, "do you mean that? Would you rather we had never met, so you wouldn't feel this pain?"
Twilight opened her mouth to answer in the affirmative, but quickly closed it again. As miserable as she was right now, she couldn't bring herself to wish for a life without Rarity. She loved the mare too much to imagine a life without her, unless of course that would've been better for the mare in question. And based on the evidence available, Rarity was happy to have met her. Twilight didn't have the heart to take that away from her, even conceptually.
"I...guess not," she admitted. "I just wish...I didn't have to feel this pain."
"I know, dear," Rarity replied, stroking Twilight's mane. "There's no shame in that. But like you told me, you won't live forever. You'll be without me for a while," she looked down, frowning sadly, "but you'll eventually join us. I promise, the five of us will be waiting patiently for you."
Twilight sniffed, wiping away her tears one more time. It hurt, but there was nothing she could really do. She'd already had her meltdown over Rarity and the others aging, and come to the conclusion there was nothing she could do about it. Discord had come to peace with Fluttershy growing old, and cast a mortality spell on himself, making sure that he would pass around the same time as her. But that wasn't an option for Twilight. Alicorn magic was notoriously hard to alter, meaning it would keep her alive for a long time, whether she wanted it to or not. Even Discord couldn't alter it without some dangerous side effects. She probably wouldn't live for a thousand years, like Celestia or Luna, because their magic was enhanced by their connections to the sun and moon. But she'd still outlive the vast majority of ponies. The only solution she could think of was to remove the magic, but it would have to go somewhere, since magic was like energy. It couldn't be created, nor destroyed. That was a risk she couldn't take.
She sighed quietly to herself. There wasn't anything she could do after all.
"I'm sorry, Rarity," she said. "Will you please wait for me?"
"Of course, darling. And...and if you find somepony else you like, it's okay if you—"
"No." Twilight shook her head. "I'll never find somepony I care for the way I do you. I promise, no matter how long it takes, I'll come back to you."
She bent down and kissed Rarity lightly on the forehead. Rarity reached up with her forelegs and hugged Twilight's neck with her fading strength.
Twilight walked out of Ponyville General, her head hung low. Her tears had dried up, leaving her frowning sadly. She knew she wouldn't be completely alone. Cadence and Flurry Heart would still live a long time as well, as would Spike, but it hurt all the same. Especially because it was her five best friends, who'd she'd been through Tartarus and back with (literally in one case). It was bringing Twilight to the edge of misery.
She looked up at the sky, wondering if she'd been right to accept Celestia's gift.
