The moments just before dawn cast the tall, flowering ash trees of Center Park in a pale grey light. The world was still asleep, save for the earliest birds.

The air rippled like a disturbed pond. With a whining whoosh, space tore apart, revealing a void of twinkling stars. The trees bent in, then pushed away from the rift before the space corrected its shape with a low fizzle.

Eyes all around witnessed a small invasion of sharp teeth and clawed feet entering the human world. Those same eyes rose into the sky as a flock and flitted off toward the southwest as the embers of dawn lit up the Canterlot skyline.

Meanwhile, in a little tugboat, on a choppy sea, a lone man stood stoic against the cold.

It was mid-morning, or so the ship’s clock said. In truth, there was no way to tell how long the sun had been up.

All captains feel lonely at the helm, or so it's said. In truth, this particular captain had been standing out in the blinding, cold mist for so long that he couldn’t feel much of anything besides the stinging of his fingers and the rumbling of his stomach.

The captain knew from his heading that he’d have to hit land at some point before he starved. He hoped he would see the shoreline before it ground his keel into flinders.

Suddenly, there was a ringing. It sounded like the echo of a church bell, but gentler, warbling across the waves to caress the captain’s ears; haunting and seductive.

The captain’s hands spun the wheel without a moment’s thought. He knew the stories well enough to understand the mistake he was about to make, but if he was hearing songs at sea, he must be well and truly lost.

The captain had to make a decision for his ship, or the tides would make it for him.

The anchor scraped across the wet deck, then plunked heavily into the dark waves. The ship stopped without a sound, while the melody got louder and clearer.

It whispered pillow talk promises, bringing the captain to a blazing space he had almost forgotten. A fool would have dove into the drink, swimming for the sweet salvation of pleasant company, but the captain was a special breed of idiot. He was not a man accustomed to making things easy.

A squeeze of lemon, a pinch of salt, a flagon of rainwater, and the captain’s voice rasped back to life. The song called to him more insistently. He could hear a devilish smile behind the tune. Sharp teeth, red eyes.

Feet planted at the bow of the ship, hands clutching the railing, the lonely captain took in a salty breath of air, knowing that whatever dark fate took him would be nothing short of deserved.

After all, what kind of fool hears the song of a siren and dares to sing back?

“This is fucking stupid.” Buck grumbled. His eyes were about as red as the skyline outside his window.

Saturday had finally limped painfully into Sunday, and despite the glow of the rising sun over Canterlot, things didn’t look better.

Over the course of the night, Buck had gone through all the usual paces of blaming himself, blaming the universe, blaming Adagio, blaming magic, then blaming himself again. He’d gotten tired of examining the grievances rattling around in his brainpan, so he resolved to use the sleepless hours productively, staring at a blank document until words finally stained the canvas.

What he’d written was the start of a story with the emotional depth of a thimble, disappointingly clear in its inspiration. Buck turned away from his laptop, trying to escape any thoughts about the previous night’s events, only for his eyes to fall on the long pink scarf that Ditzy had made for him, sitting on his coffee table.

Buck worried that if he left it there, he might stain it with coffee or something else, so he reverently picked it up and moved it to the closet.

The term was demonification. He had “felt” too hard while he was with Ditzy, and he’d started changing. Because his spell source was “passion”, it must’ve meant that giving in to that passion put him at risk of transforming.

So what was he supposed to do? Just not feel horny? That was hilariously impossible. Rely on his necklace? It was cracked, which meant at any moment, if his over-emotional ass slipped up the slightest bit, everyone around him was in danger.

This must’ve been Adagio’s plan all along; funnel all of Buck’s focus into his horniest urges so he would need to be drank or risk losing control. The game was rigged from the start.

“That can’t be it. She was trying to help you, you fucking idiot. S’not her fault that you’re made outta boner energy.”

Buck went back to his laptop, highlighted what he’d written so far, and deleted it. It was a crap document, anyway.

“What’s happening today?”

Buck rose painfully from his seat and headed downstairs. Maybe if he settled into monotonous morning shit, he’d be too numb to freak out about the state of his love life.

Trash out, mail brought in. No appetite, so no need for breakfast.

Buck tore open a letter and found a looming apocalypse waiting for him. A familiar worry that he could use to procrastinate. Buck lifted his laptop and paced the floor.

The rent was coming up, and boy was it coming up. That is to say, it was jumping again, and combining it with his college debt, his internet, streaming services, and other odds and ends…well, Buck consulted his laptop calculator and found fresh terror as he counted beans.

It was time to decide between food and rent again.

Buck’s eyes drifted instinctually to the glass jar he kept on a stool by the door. He couldn’t. He couldn’t sacrifice a dream for survival. If he crossed that line, he may as well admit that the city had beaten him. It might be time to pull on some old strings and see about another job. As long as it wasn’t…most of the employers he’d burned through last year, and he knew someone on the team, he might have a shot at a callback.

A small one. Maybe Saff was hiring again?

There was so much that Buck had to account for. He had to write a list, so he reached for a phone that was currently in pieces in a burnt-down building.

Buck slapped his forehead and immediately regretted it, dwindling down onto the couch with a groan.

“Another fucking hit. I wonder if my provider has ‘crazy fucker in a stetson’ insurance.”

Unless Buck got his hands on a side gig and soon, he’d be back to square one.

“I could sell some shit, I guess…but probably not fast enough to catch rent. Maybe an article?”

Buck scrolled through his emails. The buzz about him being seen with a celebrity had fallen off; that was a plus. Not much of anything at all. No requests. He’d have to do the usual dance of groveling around for some sort of hot topic to bullshit about, but there was no guarantee that he’d get anything out of it. Another dead end.

Sis was still on her honeymoon. Mom probably didn’t have much to spare. Buck did not want to lean on ‘the business’ again. The last time he did that, that Harshwhinny lady really did a number on him, and that’s nothing to say about the sheer fucking shame of it.

He’d have to make something happen to make ends meet, he just wasn’t sure what the something would be.

Somehow, the numb angst of poverty was more manageable now. Buck supposed it was better than getting bodied in a burning building or trying not to turn into a demon.

Maybe magic bullshit had an upside after all; it made every other problem seem smaller.

A knock on the door shook Buck straight off the couch. It had to be Ditzy, right? He had scared her, sure, but they were together, and they were really starting to communicate, so it made sense that she would come and talk to him, just like she did last night.

Buck slapped his chest, making sure the necklace was still around his neck, before running to the door. He had an apology ready, and while he definitely still looked a mess, he was sure that Ditzy wouldn’t hold it against him.

Buck opened the door and the smile dropped off his face.

The previous night, Sunburst and Starlight looked at each other, wondering what exactly they were allowed to say.

After explaining what she had learned after the interrogation, Adagio sat patiently on the arm of Sunbursts’ couch. Scootaloo looked back and forth at Adagio’s face, then Sunburst and Starlight’s, fidgeting and scratching around the splint on her leg.

“...it’s this summer camp to the north of town. Students at Canterlot High always go there for their senior trip. I got to go during my senior year, and so did Buck during his!” Scootaloo blurted.

“Scootaloo! You can’t just go tossing around information like that!” Starlight said.

“Why not? She could just google the name and get basically the same answer!”

“Honestly, are you still not convinced that I’m on your side? After all we’ve been through together?”

Adagio’s typical snark poked through her sullen expression. For Starlight, it was nearly a relief.

“She has a point. If we’re going to work together on this, we may as well collaborate fully. We’re outnumbered as it is!” Sunburst said.

Starlight let out a drawn-out sigh.

“Camp Everfree is protected by The Pillars Organization. It’s owned and managed by a guy named Timber Spruce. Though his sister Gloriosa Daisy co-owns the land, she’s been in and out of hospice care in the last few years.” Starlight said.

“I assume those are the “sprouts” that our zombified friend mentioned,” Adagio said.

“Why do you think that?” Starlight said.

“Buck confessed that he lost his virginity at Camp Everfree while ‘all that magic shit went down’. He’s never talked much about how magic has affected him before meeting me, so I surmised it must have been a significant event. Comparing that to other ludicrous magical anomalies that I know have occured around Canterlot, it seems to be the only one that’s happened miles away from the city limits, so there must have been a rift to Equestria at the site, or some independent source of power.”

“How did you-” Starlight began.

“An independent source that must be in the form of crystals. Did you think I wouldn’t notice the logo on the ‘Everfree’ branded quartz that you cast with?”

“That’s fair.” Sunburst nodded, while Starlight balked.

“So the ‘heaps of power’ mentioned by that ghoul must be at Camp Everfree.” Adagio said.

“Not necessarily. While the Rainbooms gained their ‘Geode Powers’ from Everfree gems, the land has been checked for magical properties repeatedly, with no mana signatures cropping up since the Rainbooms left. The cave where these gems come from is warded and guarded, but it’s functionally powerless.” Sunburst said.

“In theory,” Adagio said. “But who’s to say a hidden power couldn’t be unlocked there a second time? If the chances were zero, they wouldn’t guard the land at all. What exactly caused the generation of these so-called Geode Powers?”

“That’s classified.” Starlight said.

Adagio frowned.

“We…don’t actually know.” Sunburst said, to Starlight’s obvious chagrin. “Timber Spruce never gave The Pillars permission to explore the cave for fear of new magical flare-ups.”

“Then our cloaked friends must know something that the Pillars don’t about the nature of that place. And if the land is in danger of being bought out, the buyer might be less cautious about the cave.”

“That’s another problem. We don’t know who’s trying to scoop up the land.” Starlight said.

“But you said the land is warded, correct? And we can assume our foes are operating at a mana deficit, so they can’t break the defenses in place. For now, at least.”

“Right.” Sunburst said.

As Sunburst, Starlight, and Adagio went back and forth, Scootaloo slumped in her seat and started scrolling on her phone, quickly growing bored.

“Well, considering what we know, getting to Camp Everfree is likely off the table. If the surrounding lands are being haunted by malicious forces, it would be needlessly risky to travel through in order to garrison the campgrounds.”

“So what do you suggest we do?” Sunburst said.

“I suggest that we strike quickly and decisively. Today’s attack was very coordinated, but I don’t think all of the events were planned. Dividing us with different targets seemed like a sound strategy, but the robbery of your supplier sounded a bit slapdash. Almost as if it was a last-minute power grab. A certain ‘queen’ is getting desperate.”

“You think Chrysalis sent in her goons under the cloak’s noses?”

“It fits her duplicitous M.O. She’s a compulsive scavenger, constantly looking for ways to filch a little more magic. We know that she was negotiating with the cloaks for surplus mana, and was given short shrift in the exchange.”

“And she must be burning through a lot of mana to provide extra muscle for the cloaks. But its spread thin, considering how temporary her changeling grunts have been,” Starlight said.

“Which also means she’s likely very weak. She can’t horde the mana to herself if she’s giving it to her disgusting spawn. A prime target for us, in other words.” Adagio said.

“Sunburst, can you read into that bestiary entry on changelings? Anything you can find would be useful.” Starlight said.

“Sure, but we still have to find Chrysalis before we have any chance of taking her down, and changelings are notoriously hard to track.” Sunburst said.

“Not for me. I’ve managed to get a fairly complete profile on the flavor of their mana. It’s elusive and disgusting, but at a certain range, I am absolutely able to track it.”

“Really? You have their mana signature memorized!? How is that possible?” Starlight sat up, smiling excitedly.

“I have a very discerning palate.” Adagio said, tossing her hair.

“That’s excellent! Sunburst and I just figured out a new way to hone in on mana signatures at a far distance! If we cast the ritual together…”

“We should have no problem locating Chrysalis! We have a shot at this!” Sunburst finished.

“Do you see what happens when you actually cooperate with me? Progress in leaps and bounds.” Adagio said, smugly.

“But…Scootaloo is out of commission.” Starlight said.

“I can still fight!” Scootaloo said.

“No, you can’t, and you shouldn’t besides. You’re going to be down for a little while; not much we can do about that unless you can learn telekinesis in the next few days. It wouldn’t be smart to just charge in with just the three of us, either. I’m not much use in a fight without expensive components, and we’re starting to run really low…” Sunburst admitted.

“We need to strike now, while that horrible roach is vulnerable. Who knows when she might worm her way into a better arrangement with the cloaks? Couldn’t you simply call your masters at the Pillars and beg for some much needed support? I’m sure if you grovel, they’d be happy to send some suicidal hero types to back up our little task force.” Adagio said.

“The Pillars have their hands full with other matters in other places. They can’t spare the additional firepower here.” Sunburst said.

“There is another option; Buck. We know that the queen wants him for his power. Even if he’s not great in a fight, he’d be an excellent distraction. Or bait.” Adagio said.

“After what happened today, do you honestly think Buck would want to go risking his neck all over again?” Sunburst said.

“You’re going to heal him, right?” Starlight said.

“Starlight, you know that’s not the problem. It’s his emotional state.”

“Just a minute. Buck raised an excellent question earlier today.” Adagio interjected. “If the Pillars are hurting for pawns, why not just call in the premiere defenders of Canterlot, those horrible Rainbooms?”

Sunburst and Starlight went quiet again. Adagio grinned.

“What? Why the sullen looks? Are you afraid they’ll spot me in the vicinity and friend me to death?”

“I don’t think they would attack you unless you tried to pull something.” Sunburst said.

“So, what’s the problem? If the situation is as dire as it seems, why not call in the “best and brightest”?”

“Chrysalis is just a lackey to some greater threat. We don’t have a primary target to shoot rainbow lasers at, and the situation is still about subterfuge.” Starlight deflected.

“But surely they must have relevant skills to this case! Unless you’re telling me they’re too lazy to lift a finger in defense of their home? Sunset Shimmer may be foolish and weak, but I don’t know her to be negligent.” Adagio jabbed.

“Sunset Shimmer is an incredible person, and she’s more than a match for you!” Starlight rose, taking a stomp in Adagio’s direction, and in response, Adagio rose from her seat.

“Well, if she’s so high and mighty, why are we in the middle of picking up her slack? You’re her star pupil, right? Why isn’t she supporting you?” Adagio said.

“Why you-” Starlight started, but Sunburst put a hand on her shoulder, stepping between her and Adagio.

“Adagio, I appreciate your help, but if you keep swiping at Starlight, you won’t remain welcome here.”

“Oh yes, shunt me out of the conversation. I’m sure that will go great for you.” Adagio said.

“I won’t let you bad mouth Sunset Shimmer! She is doing everything she can!” Starlight said.

“So where is she?” Adagio said.

Starlight glared at Adagio over Sunburst’s shoulder, looking not just angry, but desperate. Adagio tasted blood on the water, waiting with vicious patience for an answer.

“Sunset doesn’t live around here anymore.”
Everyone turned to Scootaloo, who was casually looking up from her phone.

“What? She went on the road years ago! The Rainbooms are all sorta doing their own thing right now. I don’t know if any of them are still around here.” Scootaloo shrugged.

“Come again?” Adagio said.

“Well, I mean, some of them went to school after senior year, and some of them went into business, and some of them just moved, but all of the Rainbooms have like...like whole lives, you know? Even AJ is away from the farm right now. I think they get together every once in a while, but it’s not like they could all just hang around Canterlot forever, and I think there might be some beef there, and should I stop talking?”

Adagio turned her head slowly and saw pure murder on Starlight’s face. Their eyes met, and Adagio’s surprise twisted into a smile before the dam broke and she began cackling maniacally.

“I can’t believe…I completely forgot! I was content to just let the Rainbooms die of old age! I never once considered that the seven most detestable nuisances spit out by this wretched world would just, just separate without me needing to lift a finger! How could I be so foolish as to forget; you people always separate, one way or another! I just didn’t think it would be so soon!”

Starlight dashed forward and grabbed Adagio by the collar.

“The Rainbooms are the greatest heroes that Canterlot has ever seen, and if you think you can just run roughshod because they aren’t all together, I’ll call them all here myself!”

Adagio stared at Starlight, silent for just a moment before she started laughing again.

“What, and interrupt their busy little lives!? Neglect whatever their oh-so-important responsibilities are, just because you asked nicely!? I always thought it was strange, leaving two underpowered enforcers to defend the Rainboom’s territory, but I never dreamed they would just leave! How incredibly human!”

“Shut up! Just shut up!” Starlight snarled.

“How long has it been? I wasn’t paying attention! How many of them are married? Any children!?”

“Actually, I’m pretty sure Twilight has a niece.” Scootaloo said.

“STOP TALKING, SCOOTALOO!” Starlight screamed.

“AHAHAHAHAHAH!” Adagio laughed hysterically. “It’s already been years! A few short decades, a blink of the eye, and none of this will even matter! What was I ever worried about!? You’re all just specks of dust on a breeze!”

“Is that how you feel about Buck?” Sunburst said. He touched Starlight’s hand gently and she let Adagio go.

Adagio blinked as if she had been slapped, staring at the middle distance blankly.

“It doesn’t matter how I feel about Buck. He’s already chosen to waste his time with a hammer-swinging ninny.” Adagio said. “He and I can reconnoiter when he’s ready to see reason.”

“And what reason is that?” Starlight spat.

“The fact that he needs me, of course. Just like you do, since your precious teacher isn’t here to clean your messes.”

“Ugh, you are so full of it!” Starlight said.

“Yes, because I’m always right.” Adagio said.

“Alright, that’s enough. I know tensions are high, but if one thing is clear, it’s that we can’t afford to be fighting right now. I think going after Chrysalis is a good plan, but we shouldn’t move without figuring out if Buck is on board.” Sunburst said.

“Of course you’d take her side.” Starlight mumbled.

“We’ll drive ourselves crazy, going in circles like this, and that’s just what the enemy wants; to keep us distracted. I’ll go over and heal Buck tomorrow morning, and in the meantime, we should all sleep on this and take a good rest. Alright?” Sunburst said.

“...fine.” Starlight and Adagio said, in unison.

Adagio turned to leave, favoring Scootaloo with a little grin, but Scootaloo couldn’t seem to meet her eye. Adagio paused with her hand on the doorknob and tried very hard not to grit her teeth.

“Buck won’t be in the best of moods. I suggest you try to cheer him up before you pitch the plan, Sunburst.” Adagio said.

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.” Sunburst said.

“Do you have my notes?” Adagio said.

“Yes.”

Adagio left without another word.

“Is it cool if I sleep over?” Scootaloo said.

“Sure, Scoots. Do you want to come with me tomorrow and help with Buck?”

“Yeah, bet!”

“Surpriiiise!”

Buck’s door swung open to reveal Sunburst, carrying a few bags of chips, some old anime DVDs, and a bottle of cheap rum. Scootaloo was right next to him, smiling ear to ear, carrying a cooler containing a jangling six-pack of sodas and several wrapped sandwiches.

Buck’s eyes regarded Sunburst and Scootaloo with all the enthusiasm of a dead goldfish.

“You’re not Ditzy.” Buck said, flatly.

“No, I’m here to cleric up your bruises!” Sunburst said.

“And I’m here too!” Scootaloo said.

“And Scoots is here too. I wanted to make sure you were doing okay. Are you okay?” Sunburst said.

“Yeah! You look like total crap!” Scootaloo said.

Buck shut the door. After a few seconds of bewilderment. Sunburst knocked, and Buck peeked out again.

“What.”

“We’re also here to cheer you up. I heard that last night didn’t go so well after the fight, so I thought we could have a little kickback, just the three of us!” Sunburst said.

The door shut again.

“Come on, Buck! At least let me heal you up and assess the state of your magic!”

The door locked.

“We brought rum and THC!” Sucootaloo tried.

The door opened a crack.

The next couple of hours were a slow and careful climb to whatever passed for normal in Buck’s life. Sunburst gently interrogated Buck about the previous day’s events while they drank, ate snacks, and inevitably took off their pants. With cool drinks, an open window, and decent company, Buck regained something like a smile.

“So, what happened with you and Adagio? I thought you were on good terms?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Buck said, taking a swig from the cheap bottle of rum.

Scootaloo looked at Sunburst, a bit disappointed, but Sunburst was counting down on his fingers.

“...we had an argument. It got intense. That girl really gets me heated, man, so I think it’s best if I keep my distance. I can’t handle all this drama, it’s no fun.”

“You were looking for fun, yesterday?” Sunburst said.

“I was supposed to be on a date! So yeah, I was looking for fun! Do you remember fun? I’m not sure if I fuckin’ do! Everythings happening all at once, and it feels like no matter what I do lately, it blows up in my face!” Buck said, red sparks twinkling around his head. “And then there’s this shit! I think the necklace is banjaxed, or something!”

“It’s definitely cracked, which makes sense, considering how it was used. Good thinking, by the way.” Sunburst said.

“Yeah, whatever. Did you guys check on Ditzy? I think I really scared the piss out of her.

“I think Starlight’s on that.” Scootaloo said. She was sitting a bit uncomfortably, bouncing her foot and trying to ignore the proximity of Buck’s tight boxer briefs.

“Oh geez. Is that a good idea? She ain’t exactly a social worker.”

“It’s fine. They have a history.” Sunburst said. “Besides, we’re here to take care of you! Well, I am, anyway. Scoots is mostly here for moral support.”

“Oh, seriously? Yo, Scoots, hit me with a morale boost!”

“Uh…it looks like…you know how to take a punch?” Scoots said, squinting.

“Eh, four out of ten, but thanks. I’m just glad you’re here. Is somethin’ different about you? You change your hair?” Buck said, swaying a bit.

Scootaloo had insisted on stopping off at her dorm to get changed before coming to Buck’s place. She was now wearing a butter-colored tank top depicting a showy logo of a microphone and top hat with the letters ‘S.S’ in blue sequins above them. She was in a shortish jean skirt and knee socks. She also had a light blue bit of cloth in her hair, tied in a sloppy knot that was almost like a bow.

It was the most feminine look Sunburst had ever seen on Scootaloo.

“Well, there’s a splint on her leg,” Sunburst said. “And a skirt?”

“Yeah! And I got a new top!” Scoots said.

“Oh, rad! What’s her name?” Buck said, shooting Scoots with a finger gun.
Scoots and Sunburst immediately started cracking up, and after a moment, Buck laughed as well. The shaking of his chest and the sheer absurdity was like a water balloon to the face, cooling Buck off and bringing a genuine smile to his face.

“You know what I think is dumb?” Scoots said.

“What’s that?”

“I think its dumb that we’re only using our magic to fight people! I mean, if I got a handle on my windy stuff, couldn’t I use it to keep myself cool when it’s hot out?”

“Well, sure, but you’d be wasting components if you did that. Your mana pool is very limited.” Sunburst said.

“Well, well, what about Buck!? He’s got like a bunch of mana, right?”

“When I’m with Adagio, sure. I don’t really know how much I have on the regular.”

“But you can use it, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Soooo…why not use it for fun?”

Sunburst and Buck looked at each other for a moment, then smiled.

It had been a while since Ditzy Doo had been to Center Park. From everything she knew, Center Park was kind of like New York’s central, but smaller in size and funding. It was dense with walking paths and tall trees, as well as a few open fields, and a playground, though none of those features were very well cared for.

She was sitting on a lightly graffitied bench in the shade, for once not doing anything with her hands. Her arms tingled with a familiar soreness after the previous day’s events, but she focused instead on the warm breeze and the summer heat. That, and keeping an eye on Dinky, so she didn't wander into the trees or down a hill.

How long had it been since she had some time to just slow down and relax? How long would this rest actually last?

It was getting close to noon, and it wouldn’t be long before she had to call Dinky back from the playground to drink some water and sit in the shade, but for the last hour or two, Ditzy had the pleasure of watching her daughter run around and just be a kid, just like she used to.

The playground equipment was noticeable rusty in certain spots near the bottom, and Ditzy could hear the swings creaking as kids flew back and forth. She remembered the playground being nicer when she was a kid, but she wouldn’t let herself worry.

Ditzy wondered where she was going to take Dinky after this. She was still too scared to go home.

“Hey.”

Ditzy instantly jumped, turned, and almost got to her feet, one fist closed. It was Starlight Glimmer, leaning on the back of the bench, a look of dull surprise on her face.

“Can you…can you please not sneak up on me?” Ditzy said, straightening her blouse.

“Sorry about that. I guess I’ve gotten a little too used to skulking around on alert. I got your text, obviously.”

“Right.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“Buck wouldn’t do that. He’s nothing like that!”

“Okay, but if you’re not worried about that, why did you call me over here?”

“I didn’t say I wasn’t worried! He..” Ditzy looked over and saw Dinky waving to her. She smiled and waved back, then lowered her voice. “Buck was turning into a monster again! And there wasn’t anything going on; he wasn’t super stressed or anything!”

“What was happening at the time?”

“We were…getting naughty.”

Starlight groaned into her hand.

“Of course.”

“What do you mean, of course?”

“Buck’s powers might have something to do with…sexytimes. According to Adagio’s notes, ‘Passion’ is his spell focus, which might be why she was so intent on training him herself.”

“You can’t be serious. Did she…?”

“No, as far as I know, they haven’t done anything. In fact, I’m pretty sure they had some sort of falling out last night.”
Ditzy turned that thought over in her head, not sure how to process it.

“Well, that’s good, I guess, but Starlight, what the heck is going on? He had the necklace on, but he started changing! You were supposed to be looking out for him and making sure that he was getting a handle on his powers!”

“He is. In a manner of speaking, he’s doing very well. Still can’t do anything really useful with his magic, but I haven’t seen him light anything on fire or create any more schizophrenic room-wide illusions.”

“What?”

“Though that second one might be useful if he could learn to control it…”

“Starlight! Listen, I can’t live like this! I can’t be next door to Buck, knowing he could turn into some sort of demon at the drop of a hat! The stone isn’t working! Don’t you have anything that can stop this?”

“We had to special order that changeling stone, but if even it isn’t working, the only thing we can do is keep teaching Buck to better control his mana.”

“That’s what you said you’d do before! You can’t let this happen! I can’t be the reason Buck turns evil! We shouldn’t have to deal with all of this crazy magic stuff; that’s your job!”

“We’re getting closer to containing the threat of the cloaks. Once this situation is handled, I promise all of this will get easier. If you want, I can come over and tutor Buck in his apartment. That way he’d be far away from Adagio, and you could monitor his progress directly.”

“No! I don’t want crazy magic nonsense anywhere near my home! Especially not with Dinky being around more because of summer vacation! I just want this situation dealt with, and for things to go back to normal!”

Ditzy was gritting her teeth, trying hard to keep her voice down so she wouldn’t spook the kids or other parents around the playground.

Starlight’s expression was noticeably more lax as she stared across the field.

“...is Dinky normal?” Starlight said.

“Yes, Starlight. She’s perfectly fine, thank you very much. She shouldn’t have to grow up with all this craziness around her. She deserves a chance at a normal life, and so do I, and so does Buck.” Ditzy huffed.

“...you’re not going to like what I have to say next.”

Back at Buck’s place, a shitty techno beat came through the TV speakers. Sunburst sat on the couch, flipping through a little purple notebook, while Scootaloo and Buck danced.

Every time the beat hit, their hair changed colors.

“See, this is what I’m talking about! You may not be able to shoot lasers, or whatever, but you could be the life of the party with all your dumb tricks!” Scootaloo said. She took a sip from a can of soda, then immediately spat it out. “Bleck!”

Buck fell onto the couch, laughing hysterically.

“What is this!? What’d you do!?”

“I made your cola taste like hot dog water!”

“Eewww!!! You’re doing pranks, now!?”

“Hah! Sorry, sorry, give it another shot!”

Scootaloo took another sip and frowned.

“Is that steak sauce? Why would you pick steak sauce?”

“Shit, hold on…there.”

Another sip.

“Well, now it tastes like chocolate milk!”

“Yes!” Buck pumped a fist. “Once step closer to chocodick!”

“What?”

“I want to invent a spell that makes my dick taste like chocolate! It’s kinda been on the backburner.”

“Why would you want to do that?” Sunburst said. Ahead of him was a nearly empty bottle of rum, and the equestrian bestiary sat in his lap.

“Are you kidding!? That’s brilliant!” Scootaloo said. “Nobody likes the way dick tastes, that’s why they invented flavored condoms, but those sorta suck.”

“Hah!” Buck laughed.

“You’re telling me you’re figuring out how to make your dick more suck-worthy than ever!? You’ve gotta show it to me!” Scootaloo said.

“My dick? Scoots, you’ve already seen it.”

Sunburst looked up from his study, completely bewildered, but neither Scootaloo nor Buck seemed to consider that last statement a big deal. Sunburst hoped silently that Buck wasn’t repeating the same mistake he had made with Smolder back in college.

“No, the spell, dummy!”

“Oh, uh, I don’t think Ditzy would approve o’that. Hell, I don’t even know if I can do it! So far my Flavor cantrip only works on liquids.”

“Well, with a little bit of trial and error, you should have no problem adapting it to solids and gasses.” Sunburst said, flipping through the notebook.

“What makes you say that?”

“Adagio’s notes. She lent them to me, just in case I needed them. She actually has some pretty sound theories about your magic.”

“Oh boy…” Buck rolled his eyes.

“Ooh, ooh, what’d she say!? I wanna hear!” Scoots said, flopping onto the couch next to Sunburst.

“It says ‘All evidence indicates that Buck lies somewhere in the Chaos/Telluric quadrant, likely near one of the axes, considering his magical potency. However, I predict that he will continue to struggle with his magic, as a primary principle of Chaos-based spells is “just going with it” instead of overthinking every intimate aspect of a situation, as is his usual predilection.”

“Hah! She’s got you pegged, Buck!” Scootaloo said.

“Yeah, you wish!” Buck caught Scootaloo in a headlock, rubbing her head with his knuckles in a classic noogie.

“Eek! Okay, okay, uncle!”

“And then there are several speculations about what your relative equestrian species could be. Apparently, she thought you were an Abyssinian until just recently, but now she’s back to not being certain.”

“Abyssinian?” Scootaloo said.

“Cats. They’re one of the player races in O&O. You know, they come from the Undergloom? Rivalry with the Diamond Dogs?” Sunburst said.

“Uhh…”

“They're like the fifty millionth PC race to have darkvision, but they don’t see great in bright light, so they’re always in cities.”

“Uhhh….”

“I played one for one of Sunburst’s one shots. You said he was hot.”

“Oh yeah! Yeah…I don’t see it.”

“Apparently, neither does Adagio. She says…oh. Hm. Maybe not.”

“What? What did she say?”

“It might be a bit embarrassing.” Sunburst said, looking to Buck.

“Man, just read it. I’m too drunk to care that much.”

“While the Abyssinian theory seemed sound due to their predilection for illusion magic, Buck has proved adorably inept at controlling his fancies for that to be the case. And…”

“And? And?” Scootaloo said, practically vibrating in her seat.

“And even putting that aside, he is far too soft-hearted to be in possession of a barbed penis, regardless of which realm he is in.” Sunburst finished.

Sunburst and Scootaloo looked at Buck--Scootaloo barely fighting back tears of laughter–when Buck slapped his knee and started chuckling.

“You know, for all her foibles, Adagio has kept a very meticulous record of your development, and her notes are all like this.” Sunburst said.

“What, filled with backhanded compliments?” Buck said.

“Filled with care. A lot of these notes speculate about your sleeping habits, with the word ‘Rest’ underlined several times. It seems like she’s been trying to figure out subtle ways to get you to take care of yourself instead of fixating so hard on the magic.“

“She’s just trying to make sure I don’t burn out so I can remain useful to her.” Buck said.

“Well, it seems like her initial claim that a classroom doesn’t suit you was right on the money. From all I’ve read, it seems like species that fall on the Chaos/Tellurgic side of the spectrum have one thing in common.”

“What’s that?”

“They don’t record their magic lessons. Dragons, Aybssinians, Kirin; they all pass on their arcane teachings through word of mouth, and they don’t really learn spells so much as…experience them.”

“Man, I bet Kirins do great improv.” Buck said.

“Exactly! Experimentation is the key to learning this power, not rote memorization. So building a “curriculum” for you is probably a bad idea. Better to just let you throw things at the wall and see what sticks.”

“That sounds super irresponsible.” Buck said.

“We won’t know what you can really do until we try. How about the next time you come over, you break out the list of spell ideas that I know you’ve got to have by now, and just go wild? What do you say?”

“Well, I mean, a lot of it is sex stuff, so-”

“I volunteer!” Scootaloo said, frantically.

“Okay, what’s gotten into you?” Buck said.

“Nothing! That’s the problem!” Scootaloo said, falling to the floor. “You and Adagio crossed me up, and now my toys just aren’t doing it anymore!”

“Oh shit, so you were being serious yesterday.”

“I’m horneeeee!!!” Scootaloo kicked her legs like a tantruming child, then squawked in pain as her splinted ankle hit the floor.

“Yeah, sorry, Scoots. You’re gonna have to figure that one out on our own. I’m spoken for.”

“Okay, but what if I ask Ditzy?”

“She’ll probably say no.”

“What if I pay you!?”

“That’s not funny, Scoots.” Buck said with a severe look.

“Who’s joking? I’m gonna be benched for a while with this dumb leg, I’ve gotta figure out some way to not die of boredom! I don’t mind being the crash test dummy for your weird dick magic!”

“Cut it out, Scoots. You’re bein’ a pest.” Buck said.

“Well if Ditzy doesn’t want the weird dick magic, she could at least share it…” Scootaloo grumbled.

“Alright, alright, enough talkin’ about my dick! Sunburst, I’m totally down to have you tutor me, okay, as long as it's safe. My biggest mistake in all of this was being alone with Adagio, and putting myself in danger. When Ditzy comes back…if she fuckin’ comes back, I need to be able to tell her that I’m done being stupid about this magic bullshit.”

Sunburst and Scootaloo looked at each other for a moment.

“What? What’d I say?”

“I may have been a bit dishonest about why we came over today,” Sunburst said.

“What? Oh, no. No, no, no, not you, man! Come on, man!” Buck said.

“Just hear me out! With Scoots out of commission, we’re a man down. Adagio has a plan to-”

“Adagio has a plan? And you and Starlight are going along with it?”

“Trust me, there was some resistance, but we’ve all agreed that it’s a smart move. We’re going after Chrysalis.”

“That fucking bug that tried to drink me dry!?”

“Yes! She’s been in hiding, somewhere in the Everfree mountain range. We think that she sent her minions after Cauldron Bubbles’ because she’s running out of mana, so now’s the time to get out there and take her in. We even have a way to track her! But we’ll need you, not just because of your mana, but because she targeted you once, and she might do it again if you’re there with us.”

“You wanna use me as bait!?”

“In a manner of speaking…? We think we can spring a trap on her, and draw her out of hiding if you’re with us. You handled yourself well, yesterday; you proved that even when you’re cornered, you can find a way to dance through the danger. You’ve already saved lives with your magic, and you could do it again! We want you to-”

“Okay, Sunburst, I’m gonna stop you there. There is no way that I’m about to freeze my ass off climbing a damn mountain just to let a freaky alien bug bitch eat my ass long enough for you to tie a rope around her.”

“Sounds kinky.” Scootaloo said.

“It sounds fuckin’ dumb! And Ditzy ain’t ever gonna sign off on somethin’ like that, and you want me to go out there with Adagio? Are you high?” Buck said.

“Well, yes, we’re all a bit cross-faded.” Sunburst said.

“Not the point! Now, I don’t know what Adagio did to convince you, but it’s not gonna work on me. All I wanna do is get my magic under control so that what happened last night never happens again. I’ve got enough on my plate without having to add changeling attacks to the list of shit that’s stressing me out!”

Tiny red crackles fizzed around Buck’s head as he ranted. A very slight crinkling sound came from the stone hanging from his neck.

“Better to feel stressed than feel nothing at all.” Sunburst said, quietly.

“Excuse me?”

“Buck, I’m going to be honest with you, because we’re brothers, aren’t we?”

“We are.” Buck said, through gritted teeth.

“Ever since you and Adagio met, I’ve seen you come to life. I’ve watched you get furious, get unbelievably horny, devious, and speculative. I’ve seen you laugh, cry, fight for your life, make peace and strategize. In the last few months alone, you’ve been more alive than I’ve ever seen you, and it’s not in spite of the magic Adagio brought to your life, but because of it. I know it’s been hard on you, and expensive and painful at times, but I also know that I’d rather see you laugh about “dick magic” than watch you sit in front of your laptop and hammer out a bunch of lifeless clickbait. You’ve been depressed for most of the time I’ve known you, but right now, you’re brighter than ever, and I can’t for the life of me understand why you’d want to go back to feeling numb.”

“What are you getting at, Sunburst?”

“I think you’re concerned for Ditzy and Dinky, but I think you’re more afraid that if you keep participating in our mission, you might find that you’ve got a talent for it. Now, I know you’ve been there before, so you-” Sunburst stopped suddenly.
The red sparks around Buck’s head flickered for just a moment, creating the barest outline of a horn protruding from the side of Buck’s forehead. His eyes sizzled with a red heat, and he looked like he was about to throw a punch.

“Woah…” Scootaloo whispered.

“We can offer pay. If we can deal with Chrysalis, The Pillars have offered us a cash bonus on top of our normal salary. We can give that to you. We’re getting close to the first of the month, right?” Sunburst said.

“Even if…even if I agreed to that, Ditzy never would. She’s already scared of me. You want to get her pissed at me, too? This is how you do it.”

“Well, maybe…but it’s your life, not hers.” Scootaloo said.

“And now Scoots is gettin’ in.” Buck groaned.

“Yesterday, you told me I don’t have to be like Rainbow Dash; I just have to be like me! Well, you don’t have to be like Ditzy wants you to be. All you’ve gotta be is yourself! And like you said to me, I’m pretty sure you’re the only person that can do what you do. So maybe give it a shot?”

Buck grimaced and got to his feet, suddenly pacing the floor.

“This is stupid. This is so fuckin’ stupid. You bone one magical creature and suddenly everybody wants a piece! Fuckety-fuck-fuck-fuck! Can’t believe I’m even…” Buck grumbled.

Sunbursts’ phone rang with a short snippet of the X-Files theme.

“Bon Bon? It’s me, go ahead. What? Right now? Uh…now’s not the best…at Center? Oh, no. Okay. Alright, I’m on the way.”

“What? What’s wrong, now?” Buck said.

“Sometime earlier today, there was an anomaly at Center Park. Bon Bon says it was a rift, and considering the density of wildlife in the park…”

“It’s probably caused some innocent squirrel or some shit to go all Goosebumps.”

“Exactly. Starlight is in Center right now, but she’s currently in talks with Ditzy Doo, so it’s best she stay there to protect her and Dinky.”

“Ditzy and Dink are out there!? With a monster!?”

“We don’t know the nature of the threat yet, but it’s probably a pack of something dangerous. Either way, it’s best if I wait until Starlight calls me. Don’t want to make a move before-”

“No, no, fuck that. We’re dealing with this shit right now before it gets out of hand.” Buck said, heading for the door.

“What? Just like that? But you said-”

“This is different! The girls are in danger! And so are Ditzy and Dinky!” Buck’s steps were a bit unsteady as he struggled with getting his shoes on.

“...I don’t get it, but whatever, let’s go!” Scootaloo said, grabbing her crutch.

“You say here, Scoots! You’re in no condition to fight mutant animals, and besides, if Ditzy gets chased back over here, you’ll be our last line of defense.” Sunburst said.

“Maaaan! Okay, fine…” Scootaloo whined.

“Hey, there’s plenty of stuff in here to keep you entertained! Go wild, just don’t break nothin’!” Buck said, gesturing at his books, TV, media shelf, and game console.

“Oooh! Okay, roger dodger!” Scootaloo said, enthusiastically.

“Come on, Sunburst, let’s go be idiots,” Buck said. He and Sunburst ran down to the parking lot before running back up to put their pants back on.

Unbeknownst to either of them, they were being watched. And followed.

“He’s an idiot! Adagio said.

It was some indeterminate time of the day. Adagio hadn’t bothered to open her blinds to check, and what did it matter? She was tired, she was angry, and she deserved every drop of this glass of wine.

What she didn't deserve was the stack of papers taking up the lion's share of space on her desk. She had been scouring the files for any fiscal echoes of dealings with a Camp Everfree, and while it did appear in the records by sheer luck, it had no sign of any paper trail besides being counted as some strange, anomalous side account marked ‘donation’.

“Who are we talking about?” Sonata said, through the phone.

“Buck! He’s an overbearing, over-demanding, touch starved, scene-stealing IDIOT!”

“Oh, right, your boy toy! What did he do?”

“He had the audacity, the rakish audacity to turn the tables on me when I made a move on him!”

“For realsies? Isn’t that a good thing, though?”

“No! He tried to demand…he tried to make me confess!”

“Confess to what, sis?”

“NOTHING!”

Adagio drank down the remains of her glass in one quick drag.

“It sounds like he got tired of being played with, sis! Boys are like that sometimes. Did you try giving him a blowie?”

“He doesn’t want blowies, Sonata. Now’s not the time.”

“All guys want blowies! That’s like, science, or something!”

"Suggest something else.”

There was silence over the line.

“I am not kidnapping him and also giving him a blowie!”

There was silence over the line, but louder.

“I am not kidnapping him, giving him a blowie and then offering him tacos!” Adagio groaned.

“Welp, I’m out of ideas!”

“I can’t just let him go, not when everything is just starting to come together!”

“You have a plan?”

“I always have a plan, Sonata. Unfortunately, I have to rely on a man’s feelings to make this plan work. And land records.”

“Wow, you're really going in on this thing! Do you really think it will work?"

"Of course it will! I nearly have everything I need, and all Buck needs is a little push in the wrong direction. I just need to make some adjustments to my approach."

"Would it be easier if I was there?"

"No. If he's already frustrated by me, you would definitely drive him off."

"Aww…but he sounds fun!"

"Nothing about this is fun."

"Well, I'm having fun just hearing you talk about it!"

"...Are you eating popcorn over there?"

"No!"

"Sonata."

"A little bit!"

"What do you suggest? I tried 'appealing' to him, like you said, and it blew up in my face."

"Did you?"

"What?"

"Did you level with him, or did you just sort of do the Adagio thing?"

"Adagio thing? What Adagio thing? There is no Adagio thing!"

"Come on, Sis! This isn't the first time you've had a crush! Remember that pirate captain? The one with the good hands?"

"I don't have a crush, and I have no idea what you're talking about."

"You spent all this time talking about capturing the ship and the crew and the treasure, and all you really wanted was to have a nice date, and you made us get all dressed up, and then instead of doing any of that, you just went to the captain's quarters and-"

"Okay, yes! Yes, I remember! What's your point!?"

Adagio felt an old heat wash over her as a memory she held quietly in her heart resurfaced. The night sky over the waves. The brandy. The smell of perfume.*

"Well…you got all worked up about this big plan, and then when it didn't work-"

"My plans always work."

"And when it got a little wacky, you just got to the point, and it all worked out! So why don't you just talk to him, actually, instead of messing around?"

"He doesn't trust me now."

"I mean, he's not supposed to, right?"

"He's supposed to adore me. He does adore me, he's just momentarily forgotten that."

"So what are you worried about?"

"...I'm worried that he'll be an old man before he remembers. Or he'll die because he’s too stubborn to directly cooperate with me."

"Are you sure you don't want me to come over?"

"Why? Are you feeling a bit lost without my guidance?" Adagio said, smugly.

"I kinda just wanted to visit? It sounds like you're having a hard time."

“I don’t need help, Sonata, I need advice. He’s central to my plans, and I need him to work with me. How do I charm him back into my circle?”

“Sounds like the big dummy already wants to work with you, but he’s a softy, so maybe if you let him be all soft on you instead of pushing him away, he might-”

Adagio ended the call and threw her phone across the room. Her pride couldn't take much more of this. She needed a win.

It took her a few seconds to gather herself, but once she regained her poise and hid away her alcohol, she took a step out onto the floor.

As she understood it, many of the employees at Affluent Answers had been paid off or otherwise silenced by the Pillars, but all of them seemed to understand that something had happened, and now Adagio was rising in company influence.

The incessant tapping of fingers on keyboards, and even a few phone calls in progress ground to a halt. Adagio's presence in the room alone was enough to call the attention of her subordinates, a fact that brought her no small amount of satisfaction.

“Peachbottom? I’d like to see you in my office.” Adagio said, then returned to her seat.

After a few moments, Ms. Peachbottom, the unofficial office gossip, entered Adagio’s private sanctum, and within seconds she had rattled off comments about the curtains, the columns, the delightfully low ceiling, and Adagio’s fine mahogany desk. It was almost relieving to hear someone so passionate about such minuscule details, but it brought to mind an image of Buck excitedly rambling about why a worthless clown that can chop himself into pieces is his favorite character in a story where Nico Robin exists. After a few seconds, the novelty wore off, and Adagio returned to the diatribe in progress.

“And good golly miss molly, that cannot be an authentic rococo picture frame! I mean the cost of restoring it alone would be more than this whole stinkin’ office!”

“Peachbottom, focus. I’d like to ask you some questions. You’ve worked here for quite a while longer than me. Do you know about this firm’s dealings with Camp Everfree?”

“Ohhh…geez…Camp Everfree, what a rustic ol’ place! You’re lookin’ at full scribe cabins that go back close to the founding o’ Canterlot. I think I must’a toured the grounds back when-”

“Financial dealings, Peachbottom. I’ve seen the name on our records, but not as a subsidiary, or an extension or anything significant. The name is there under our “charity” archive, but no payment is on record. Does that sound familiar?”

“I’m not sure, there, boss! That sounds like a while ago!”

“Does the name Burnt Oak ring a bell? Dark skin? Stetson hat?”

“Ohhhh! Older? Handsome feller, right!?”

“If you insist.”

“Right, right! He’s got kids about your age! I remember! He came through here once or twice! I think…” Peachbottom’s tone dropped. “I think the last time he came through, years ago, now, he was pitchin’ a fit.”

“Is that so?”

“Now, you didn’t hear it from me, but I’m mighty sure he came in here all hemmin and hawin; wanted to see mister Filthy Rich? Something about settlin’ up!”

“I see…is that all you remember?”

“That’s about it, chief.”

“One more question. Have you seen Bon Bon today?”

“Haven’t seen her!”

“I see. That will be all, Peachbottom.”

“Sure thing, boss!”

“Oh, and not a word of this conversation to the top brass, understood?”

“Sure thing! I’ll keep my lips locked up tighter than a chicken coop durin’ fox season!”

“Yes, well…you do that.”

Adagio gave a half-hearted wave and pulled one more string.

“Ms. Harshwhinny? I need your expertise.”

“What can I do for you Miss Dazzle?” Replied the intercom.

“I’ve found a bit of an anomaly. There is a ‘charity’ account in our files that appears to be in the interest of nearby Camp Everfree, but for all intents and purposes, the money was deposited without a cited source.“

“Is it recent?”

“No. It is years old by now, but a misfiling like this is beyond unprofessional, and I’d like to get to the bottom of it. Can I rely on your support?”

“Naturally. We are partners now, are we not? It is our prerogative as accountants to correct egregious clerical errors such as this.”

“I have reason to believe that this account may be connected to Barnyard Bargains.”

“I see. And you don’t have access to their portfolio.”

“But as Senior Director of Finance, you do. Can you do a bit of rooting around? Look for a Burnt Oak as a signee, or perhaps Timber Spruce, or Gloriosa Daisy, representing Camp Everfree, going back about two to three decades.”

“That is an inordinate amount of paperwork. It may be a bit before I can get back to you on this investigation.”

“What could possibly hold you back from this project?”

“Business, Miss Dazzle. We are entering convention season. Surely you’ve noticed the uptick of activity in this district as of late?”

“Ah yes, a veritable legion of insufferable, blazer-wearing merchant types have been flocking around the north side.”

“...Are you not fond of blazers?”

“That’s irrelevant. What does convention season have to do with your workload?”

“Everything. Each business convention brings new customers to our door, and I’m in the middle of shopping our services around. Every entrepreneur needs an accountant, and we are the best in the Everfree region.”

“Are we, now?”

“We are, due in no small part to your work bolstering our reputation. Our workload will only increase as the summer goes on, and lest you forget, we’ll be hosting the Canterlot Historical Society’s Fall Break Gala at the end of the season. Your services have been positively instrumental in the continued success of this company, but as it stands, I have much more to tear through before I can get to this side project.”

“And would you say that service to the company should go unrewarded?”

“Your promotion seems fitting.”

“My own reputation is more pressing. Having this black spot in our records leaves me uneasy, and if it comes to light that I’ve allowed it to sit here and fester when I could have corrected it…well, let’s just say I’m not fond of the implications. It’s yet to be seen by anyone besides ourselves, but it could easily be found via a routine inspection of our charity files, which means-”

“Which means if it is casually discovered during this pressing and demanding time for our business, it could put our company’s reputation on the line.”

“Are we known for hackneyed filing, Ms. Harshwhinny?”

“No. Our firm is known for professionalism.”

“I’d like to keep it that way.”

“I’ll chase it up post haste.”

“Please let me know what you find. Thank you very much.”

Adagio turned in her chair and smirked at the ghost ship painting, but found her eyes drifting to the little fake aquarium still scrolling on her desk.

“If only they could all be so easy,” Adagio sighed “Maybe I’ve been overcomplicating this.”

Adagio tapped the intercom on her desk once more.

“Ms. Harshwhinny?”

“Yes, Miss Dazzle?”

“I’m taking my break early.”

Center Park on a Sunday morning was mostly empty, save for the odd jogger. Normally Buck would be one of the slower ones, but he had more pressing matters. Neither he nor Sunburst saw anyone pass by as they marched across the green, following a flickering yellow light.

Sunburst was armed with a sensing stone, his equestrian bestiary, and little else. Buck was armed, as usual, with his personality.

“So what’re we working with, here?” Buck said.

“Not much. I don’t really do attack spells; I just don’t have the knack for them, but I’ve got some healing reagents, I’ve got a few snare spells, and the most powerful weapon of all!”

“...a gun?”

“Knowledge!” Sunburst said, tapping his head.

“Okay, but what if it’s like a whole-ass dragon again? What kinda knowledge are you ‘bout to drop that’ll stop it?”

“If it was a dragon, we’d probably know already. We could just talk to a dragon; they’re sentient. They’d be disoriented and lost and having someone explain that they tripped into another dimension would probably help.”

“Shit, man, that’s one hell of a wrong turn. Imagine you’re on the way to the bathroom and you open the door and end up in the middle of another reality. ‘Trapped in another world with my full bladder’ sounds like a pretty shitty isekai.”

“Or a really fetishy hentai.”

“Heh, gross! So what’s the standard deal for wrangling wildlife from pony world?”

“Bon Bon is going to bring a van around where we parked. All we have to do is snare whatever came through and bring it there.”

“Sure, sure, but what if it’s like a crazy dire wolf, or a chupacabra, or, fuckin’ I dunno, a regular hippopotamus? What’ll we do then?”

“You worry too much! The report says it was only a small opening! It might just be a couple of jackalope!”

“Why would that be flagged as dangerous?”

“Well, they’ve got pointy bits. What’s important is that we catch it and get it out of here without making a scene.”

“That might be easier said than done, brother.” Buck said, pointing across the field.

Sunburst saw a long copse of trees with a playground in the middle of it, and on one far side was a stubby hut that Sunburst recognized as a pair of public restrooms, and behind it was a dumpster. That dumpster was rattling around, spewing bits of trash this way and that, but it was far enough away from the playground that no one seemed to notice.

Sunburst dropped into a low crouch behind a bit of shrubbery as he rooted around in his pocket. Buck followed his example.

“What’s the gameplan, Sunburst?” Buck whispered.

“Same as always. We need to assess the danger, contain the threat and prevent it from spilling over to anyone in the park. Do you remember the boardwalk?”

“Yeah, how could I not?”

“We want to do the opposite of that.”

“Okay, keep it contained, got it. What if we just run on ‘em and shut the lids so they can’t get out?”

“Well, I might be able to seal it with a spell, and then we can have Bon Bon send someone over to retrieve the dumpster and save us some legwork, but I’ll need a bit of time to cast it. Order/Ethereal spells tend to have a long wind up.”

“How about I take the left lid and you take the right? If I can get on top of the dumpster, I can probably weigh them both down.”

“Now that sounds like a plan.”

Sunburst and Buck shared a little fist bump, then crept across the field, splitting up to come at the dumpster with a pincer maneuver.

Neither seemed to notice in that moment who was at the playground or the conversation taking place. What they did notice was that the closer they got to the dumpster, the more it sounded like it was hosting a fight club for feral rats.

Buck’s expression shifted from concerned to dumbfounded as he and Sunburst peaked into the dumpster, dodging a wad of tissue paper that was tossed out.

The creatures were small, each about the size of a guinea pig, and most of their wrinkly faces were taken up by a row of needle-sharp teeth. They each had four stubby, sharp little claws, and they were covered in pastel-colored quills. In temperament, they seemed to be somewhere in the vague space between frat house bender and Irish pub; some were jibbering and smacking into one another, some were eating literal garbage, but all of them seemed pissed about something.

“The fuck're those?” Buck whispered as Sunburst flipped through his bestiary.

“Uhhh…Puckwudgies! Here we go; it says they are a form of equestrian monotreme. Omnivorous and highly invasive, they are known to be…and I quote, ‘mean little biters that are as temperamental as they are spiteful’.” Sunburst said.

“Well damn, I would be too if I looked like a cross between Sonic the Hedgehog and Critters.” Buck snarked. The pub brawl in progress came to a screeching halt as all the little monsters glared up at Buck in unison, gnashing their fangs

“Wait, they can understand english?”

“I don’t think they like your tone!.” Sunburst said.

The boys slammed the twin lids down just in time for the little monsters to lunge. The dumpster shook with renewed ferocity, dents forming where the puckwudgies were bodily throwing themselves at the walls and lid. It sounded like a cement mixer filled with bricks.

“Sunburst, do something!” Buck said, leaping on top of the dumpster.

Sunburst began mumbling, waving a hand carefully, trying to connect spell vertices, or reticulate splines or whatever, Buck wasn’t sure, but all that happened was a flickering yellow aura surrounding the dumpster for a moment before disappearing.

“Buddy, I’m gonna need you to try a little harder than that!” Buck said.

There was a creak among the constant thumping. The dumpster was struggling to do its job of not falling apart.

“It’s not going to hold! Buck, do you have anything that can stop the puckwudgies from biting us to pieces?” Sunburst said.

“Uh, well, maybe! I kinda had an idea that ties into the choco-dick theory that might-”

“I don’t think you want to stick your dick in there, Buck!”

A big dent in the lid of the dumpster nearly knocked a tooth out of Sunburst’s mouth.

“No, it’s not that, it’s something, like, it’s hard to explain!” I think it might slow them down at while you cast the snare!”

“That’s good enough for me! Let’s fall back!”

Buck rolled off the dumpster, ate a bit of dirt, then scrambled to catch up with Sunburst as he ran several yards away.

They turned just in time for the lids to clatter open. The horde of angry little gremlins swarmed over the lip of the dumpster, leaving a trail of garbage in the wake of their murderous charge.

“Okay, Buck, now don’t overthink it, just let the magic flow. I’m right behind you!” Sunburst said.

“Right, right, right…” Buck outstretched his hands and shut his eyes. He looked past the mental image of himself being beaten to death by mad leprechauns and tried to ignore the persistent image of Adagio’s ass clapping on their first night or the guilt he felt from slipping yesterday. He imagined heat. The feeling of a sunburn on his neck, the shape of a chili pepper, the crackle of a fireplace. A tongue burning with spice. The pepper grew bigger in his head, then ignited.

Buck opened his eyes and saw a ball of red flame at the tip of his finger.

“Some cayenne pepper’ll change that attitude, I guarantee!”

Buck snapped his finger.

The puckwudgie at the head of the pack suddenly stopped and clutched at its throat. Its gibbering was replaced by a coughing wheeze.

“Uh…did it work?”

Buck looked back at Sunburst, who was still methodically mumbling but staring intently at the creatures. Sunburst shrugged.

All the other beasts stopped and looked confused at their fellow when suddenly gout of red flame erupted from its mouth. It fanned at its reddening face, running in circles, then licked at the ground, trying to erase the blistering spice that was spreading through its mouth.

“Hah! Holy shit, uh, I mean’t to get all of ‘em with that, but-”

“Buck, that’s amazing! What is that, some sort of internal combustion!?”

“No, no, I tried to make it like it just bit into a handful of chili peppers!”

“You simulated not just heat but capsaicin? At range? With a simple invocation!?” Sunburst said, grabbing Buck’s shoulders and grinning.

“Uh, yeah, I guess?”

“I’ve never seen anything like that! I mean, the closest thing I can think of is a curse, but I’ve never heard of anyone conjugating one on the spot like that! I guess that proves it; you’re definitely using some sort of chaos mana signature! If we run some tests, I bet we could find some-”

“Sunburst.”

“I mean, just think of the possibilities! If your spell source is passion, that might make for an incredibly versatile set of-”

“Sunburst!”

“What?”

Buck pointed. Sunburst looked over at the Puckwudgies, and the one that had been hexed spat out a mouthful of dirt. It looked beyond furious as it turned tail, followed by the others. The quills on the pack’s backs rose and pointed directly at the pair.

“We should run.” Sunburst said, just as a storm of pointy projectiles came flying in his and Buck’s direction.

Far ahead of Buck and Sunburst’s bizarre adventure, past a small break in the trees and just out of earshot, Ditzy Doo sneered at Starlight Glimmer. On the playground in front of her, Dinky Doo paused from where she was digging in the sandbox and waved, causing Ditzy to check her expression and smile radiantly back.

As soon as her daughter returned to her own little world, Ditzy Doo turned to Starlight and spoke in a hushed and urgent tone.

“You’re out of your mind! Buck is not going to come with you on whatever this crazy magic mission is! After everything that’s happened, I don’t know why you of all people would want to go and do it, either!”

“The world needs more heroes, Ditzy.” Starlight said. Ditzy blinked and looked at Starlight incredulously.

“Did you just say that with a straight face? This is serious!”

“I know it is. That’s why I need Buck’s help. Everything that’s happened so far–it’s just been the lead up to something much bigger and much worse.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Our enemies are planning something big, and they’re turning people into monsters so they can steal their mana. We don’t know exactly what their goal is, but we do know that Canterlot needs all the help it can get. Buck has powers. He may not be much of a fighter, obviously, and he may not have a lot of control, and he may be kind of a scatterbrained horndog, but-”

“Can you not?”

“The point is, he’s not an ideal ally, but he can make a difference if he’s put in the right situation. It’s better to have him go on the offensive with us than wait around for something bad to happen.”

“Buck doesn’t want to fight for you.”

“How do you know?” Starlight said. Ditzy didn’t respond, she just sat staring at the playground, fists knotted up in her skirt while Starlight awkwardly looked around.

Starlight caught sight of something odd from the corner of her eye, then looked behind the bench, through the little break in the trees.

There she saw Buck being leapt upon by a horde of spiky, angry something-or-others, and Sunburst frantically trying to cast a spell. They locked eyes, and Sunburst shook his head as Starlight started to rise from the bench. He gestured silently at Ditzy, then at Buck. Starlight shrugged, then snapped back to the current conversation as Ditzy looked at her.

“Ditzy, I know that this is hard for you, and I understand the reasons why, but you’ve got to face facts. Buck has a genuine interest in learning about magic. He’s kind of a bumbler, but he has something of an aptitude for it, even if he struggles. He threw himself into the fray yesterday because he knew people would get hurt if he didn’t. That’s heroic.”

In the distance, Buck squealed like a schoolgirl who’s into entomology spying a spider, but less exuberant and more pained. He was pockmarked with tiny needles and rolling on the ground, covering his face as the Puckwudgies stomped on him.

“I know you want to keep him safe, and I know you care about him, but we need him, and I think we both know that.” Starlight said.

“But what if he dies out there!? How do I explain to Dinky that the only father figure she has got eaten by a monster, or beaten to death by some magical zombie, or, or a shapechanging bug thing!?” Ditzy said.

“I won’t let that happen, I promise.”

“You promised to teach him magic and then you just let him go off with Adagio!”

“Give me a break!” Starlight said, rising to her feet. “I’m doing everything I can out here! Someone has to make the hard calls, and I’m telling you that we need him! I didn’t want to involve him, I told him over and over again that he should stay away from all this, but he’s involved now, and I can’t change that, so I’d rather have him fight with us than become a liability! If he’s as weak as you seem to think, then why are you so scared of him!?”

“Buck…is a sweet man, who wouldn’t hurt a fly. He doesn’t have the heart for all this violence; he just gets emotional, and because of his magic, he’s a bit dangerous. It’s not his fault that this is happening, and I’m not going to let you drag him into this.”

“He could be a real warrior if you would stop coddling him.” Starlight said. Her words had taken on a sharp edge that brought Ditzy back to a darker time.

“He’s not fighting for you, and that’s final.”

“It’s not up to you; it’s up to him.”

Ditzy rose and Starlight thought she might start screaming, but instead, she wordlessly walked over to where Dinky Doo was waving frantically, sitting alone on the swings.

Starlight checked her text messages. When she looked over her shoulder again, Buck and Sunburst were out of sight. She considered giving chase, then thought better. Instead, she texted Sunburst, telling him to meet her at the parking lot on the west side once he was done.

“I should stay close to Ditzy and Dinky. If there are monsters in Center Park today, I’d better be here just in case.”

Another pair of eyes had been trained on Starlight Glimmer; eyes that were dull and lacking in much of anything besides intuition.

It had been sent with a single purpose, and after following a couple of hapless fools, it had finally found its prey.

With little to go on besides some very basic directives, the beast sat in the trees and waited patiently for the right moment to strike.

“Don’t worry, Buck! I’m working on Plan B!” Sunburst said as Buck screamed girlishly.

Buck had been scrambling along the grass, kicking and punching at the small army of monsters to little effect.

“What’s Plan B!? What’s Plan B!?”

Sunburst was invocating under his breath, trying to remember the exact wording of the spell. His dull yellow aura shined between the pages of the bestiary, illuminating the sigils on the cover with a flickering glow.

“Twilight’s Fastidious Failsafe!” Sunburst said.

The puckwudgies were yanked into the air, mid-mayhem. They writhed and twisted like fish in a net, carried in an odd midair orbit by Sunbursts’ aura.

“Woah…that’s a pretty good trick, pal.” Buck said. He got up slowly, picking quills out of his arms.

“Buck…you should move…!” Sunburst strained.

“What? Why?”

“Because they’re very angry…and I can only hold this for so long…!”

Buck looked up. The murderous gathering of puckwudgies glared and him and at Sunburst in equal measure, hissing and snarling. The aura blinked.

“Oh shit.”

Sunburst and Buck ran as the aura disappeared. Sunburst stumbled, but Buck grabbed him by the wrist and dragged him along.

“Come on, man, let’s get out of here before those little furry dildos penetrate us more than they already have!”

“They move pretty fast for such tiny things!”

“Hah, yeah, kinda like Scoots!”

“I hope she’s having a better day than us right now!”

Scootaloo was bored out of her mind, in case anyone was wondering. Over the course of the last hour and a half, she had cycled through playing just enough Castlevania to get frustrated, eating a sandwich out of Buck’s fridge, failing to guess the password to Buck’s laptop, and finally deciding that while the books on Buck’s shelf were pretty colorful, reading anything besides game manuals was for egg heads.

“I’m boooored!” Scootaloo wailed, to no one in particular. “How does Buck have a million hobbies and all of them are boring!? That should be super impossible!”

Scootaloo rolled off the couch, onto the floor, then immediately regretted it and held her splinted ankle.

“Ow…ugh, there’s gotta be something to do around here! Maybe Buck is hiding the good stuff in the back?”

Despite being the only person in the ratty apartment, Scootaloo snuck across the living room like a spy. On Buck’s door, there was a little sign hanging from a push pin that said “Don’t” in sharpie.

“I’m only gonna take a little look…I mean he said I could play with his stuff, right?”

The door creaked forebodingly. Buck’s bedroom was musty and had a distinctive Buck-like smell, which Scootaloo was surprised to recognize. Was she sniffing Buck without thinking about it? That would be creepy, right?

What was a little creepy was that there wasn’t anything of much interest in here. Scoots saw a book titled Snow Crash on a little table next to the bed, a closet, and not much room for anything else. Buck really must keep everything out in the open, or…”

Scootaloo dipped down to the floor and saw a bunch of boxes under Buck’s bed.

“Ah-hah! Detective Scoots solves the case!”

Scootaloo gleefully pulled boxes from under Buck’s bed, sneezing as the dust tickled her nose. She went through several unmarked boxes containing everything from a couple of old microphones, a folded artists’ easel, and a few unopened model kits before she finally discovered a box that said ‘Creepy Sex Stuff’ in sharpie on the top.

“No way…no way, no way, no way!”

It looked like it had to have been a box for a vertical fan or something because it was long and wide, and as Scootaloo dumped its contents out on the couch, she was filled with questions.

The most pressing question was how did Buck get his hands on all this stuff. There was a variety of dildos in various colors and sizes, but then there was much more. Fuzzy handcuffs, vibrating eggs, a length of very soft red rope, anal beads, and what Scootaloo was sure was some sort of massage oil. Lastly, sliding out of the box was a long-handled red dildo that was longer than Scootaloo’s arm.

“How…how has Buck been holding out on us this whole time? This is nuts! Why was he so weird about the threesome if he’s got this stuff just lying around? I wonder if he’s used any of this on Ditzy yet?”

Scootaloo set aside a dildo that was shaped like a fist, one that was shaped like a twisting tentacle, and finally decided on one that was distinctly canine in nature with a suction cup at the bottom. It squelched onto the coffee table and stuck fast, even after Scootaloo flicked it around a little.

She squirted some lube on it, hoping that it wasn’t expired.

“I wonder if he uses them on himself, or…?”

Scootaloo looked around. She made sure the blinds were closed and the door was locked. She slid her skirt off and stuck a thumb in the band of her panties and paused.

“Am I really gonna sit on a plastic dick at Buck’s place? Is this an okay thing to do?”

Scootaloo stared at the glistening pleasure toy, which probably came in a package that had a name that contained words like ‘demonic’ or ‘blazer’ or ‘diego’ on the side, trying to decide if this in any way violated the bro code.

Then she shrugged, smiled, and positioned herself over it.

As Scootaloo began to savor her first real fun for the day, Buck and Sunburst were having the distinctly un-fun experience of running for their lives across an open field.

Despite the quills sticking out of them at odd angles, the pair were getting closer to where they had entered the park, but the puckwudgies were gaining ground.

“They’re getting closer! Any second now they’ll be back in needler range! Now would be a good time for another clutch spell, Sunburst!” Buck said, pumping his arms.

Sunburst wheezed under his breath and spun, his aura flaring up again. A ball of sticky webbing came flying from one hand, while a petrified spider crumbled in the other. The puckwudgies stopped and tried to change direction all at once, crashing into one another.

“Nice!” Buck said.

The web exploded outward to cover the puckwudgies, but after restraining them for a moment, it flickered out of existence. The beasts looked confused for a half-second, then resumed their chase.

“Not nice! Not nice!” Buck said.

“Okay, okay, do you have any ideas on how to stop them!?” Sunburst wheezed.

“Yeah, but how are we gonna get an apache attack chopper this early on a Sunday!?”

“Okay, break for the trees! We might be able to shake them!”

Sunburst veered off course, toward the treeline, but he clutched his side and groaned, nearly falling over. Buck ducked under Sunburst’s arm and slightly lifted him, stopping him from hitting the ground.

“No you don’t! Man, we gotta work on your cardio!” Buck huffed.

“Running is terrible! Why does anybody do this!?” Sunburst wheezed.

“I do it ‘cause writers need a hobby that they hate more than writing, now move!”

The spotty shade of the trees passed over Buck and Sunburst’s faces. Buck pushed Sunburst in one direction while he dove in another, and the mad gibbering of the puckwudgies rabbled past them both.

“Huh…guess that worked.” Buck said. He looked to Sunburst, who was trying very hard to catch his breath. “Kinda like old times, huh?”

“I think I’d rather get chased by people…they don’t bite as much!”

“Wouldn’t put it past the cops!” Buck laughed.

“Yeah…you…should’ve stayed away from those protests…!”

“You didn’t have to come with!”

Both of the men chuckled, reminiscing about times that were not better, but simpler.

“We can’t just let them go. We gotta chase ‘em, if they don’t turn around in a minute and swing back.”

“I have a theory.”

“Yeah? Shoot.”

“I think I can take care of this if you give me a boost, like you did to Scoots.”

“I’m not slappin’ you on the ass!”

“Yeah, not this time!”

“Pfft, shut up, man! I don’t even know if I can!”

There was a shifting in the leaves up ahead. Buck squinted and saw the miniature stampede approaching once again, sounding even more pissed than before.

“No time like the present to find out! Just do what you did last time!” Sunburst said, using a tree to lever himself to his feet.

Buck ran to Sunbursts’ side. The puckwudgies would swarm them any second.

“No man, we should run! What if I fuck it up?”

“Then we’ll deal with it together!”

“I don’t even know if…I don’t think I can do it, Adagio isn’t even here!”

“No, she’s not. I’m here. Now stop thinking so hard and just do it!”
The look on Sunbursts’ face was not grim determination or fear, but confidence. Buck was humbled and bemused at the same time.

A line of the little pointy bastards turned around and fired off a volley of quills. The rest of the puckwudgies leaped into the air, toothy maws opening wide.

Buck shook his head, smiling.

“I love you, bro.”

The two men shared a fist bump, and just as the first puckwudgie went for Buck’s throat, the shade of the trees flashed a vibrant pink.

Buck opened his eyes, amazed that he was alive, but even more aghast at the scene in front of him.

Sunburst was floating off the ground, hands outstretched, bedecked in a wide-brimmed pointy wizard’s hat and a fluttering cape, both made of blazing pink mana. Just beyond Sunbursts’ fingertips, the pack of murder hedgehogs was floating helplessly in the air, trapped in that same pink aura.

And then Buck saw it in Sunbursts’ eye; an expression he hadn’t seen on the man in years. He remembered the first time Sunburst had cast Fireball in Ogres and Oubliettes. The absolute joy of coming in clutch.

“Holy shit. You’re a wizard, Sunburst!”

“I am!” Sunburst beamed. “Let’s try this again! Twilight’s Fastidious Failsafe!”

The puckwudgies twirled through the air, dividing into neat little packets, then trapped together in a ball of energy.

“What the hell is that spell? What does it do?”

“It cleans up messes! It’s pretty vague on the specifics.”

Sunburst said.

The mana field around the ball of puckwudgies wavered for a moment.

“We should get these guys over to Bon Bon! Come on!” Sunburst said. He floated through the air on a wisp of flickering pink energy, and the ball of quills rolled forward like a dutiful Katamari while Buck jogged alongside it.

“We’re way off the path right now! Do you even know how to get to the parking lot from here?” Buck said.

“I do, but we’ll have to take a shortcut!” Sunburst said.

With a whispered incantation and a turn on the hand, Sunburst redirected the rolling ball of captured puckwudgies toward the edge of a nearby hill.

“Alright, sweet, so we’ll just roll it down.” Buck said, moving down the steep plane of grass with careful steps.

The pink aura around the puckwudgies flickered. The ball rolled a bit faster.

“Woo! Okay, now we’re cookin’ with gas! We’ll be at the parking lot in no time!” Buck said, picking up his pace.

“Uh…”

“Okay, Sunburst, I’mma need you to slow down a little bit.” Buck had broken into something of a skip as the ball picked up speed.

“Yeah…about that…” Sunburst said, lagging just behind the ball.

“Sunburst, what the fuck is happening?”

The ball was now ahead of them. The pink aura flickered out of existence, and Sunburst dropped to the ground next to Buck, running neck and neck with him.

“So the good news is I think the parking lot is right below us!”

“Oh yeah, but the bad news is that a ball of spiky death is rolling toward it at breakneck speed!”

“We’re going to have to slow it down or it’ll crash! I need another boost!”

Not too far away, a large gray moving van came to a squeaking stop in a small parking lot. A few spaces away, Sunbursts’ jeep sat still.

The driverside door of the van opened, and out came Bon Bon, a phone to her ear. She walked around to the back bumper and lifted up the sliding metal door.

“No, no, I’m not going to miss movie night. I just have one more gig today, and then I’ll be back. Work? No, I called in. Well, I left a note. I just need a mental health day, you know? Yes, I’m getting the popcorn you like. Yes we can watch that pony movie. Yes! I’ll see you tonight! Yes, I’ll see you soon! No…no you hang up first!”

“Okay!” Said a peppy voice on the line, and the call dropped.

Bon Bon smiled and shook her head, leaning against the side of the van.

Then she looked toward the nearby walking path, expecting Sunburst and Starlight to show up any minute with the monster of the week. What she did not expect was a ball of angry, chittering creatures to come barreling over the lip of a hill.

Bon Bon distantly noticed Buck slapping Sunburst’s back over and over again.

“I love you, bro, I love you bro, I love you bro!” Buck simpered. The glowing pink hat and cloak flickered on Sunbursts’ form as he tried to maintain a hold on the ball.

“Bon Bon, move!” Sunburst shouted. “Almost…almost…come on…!”

The aura finally kicked back in, and the ball slowed slightly, but now it dragged Sunburst along the ground. Buck dove and caught Sunburst by the feet, digging his own heels into the grass.

Bon Bon dove out of the way on instinct, only noticing once she looked up that the ball had slowed its descent only a few feet from the van. The aura around the ball of fur stretched like a rubber band before snapping, violently launching the puckwudgies into the back of the van.

“Close it! Close it up!” Buck shouted, scrambling to his feet. The beasts were dazed, groaning and picking themselves up. Bon Bon looked at the pack in confusion and concern, and the puckwudgies took this personally.

A tide of fur and fangs came squealing toward Bon Bon.

She closed the shutter on the van, then turned and tried to hide how rattled she was.

“Huh. Heheheheheh…AHAHAHAHA!” Buck slumped to the ground, laughing. Sunburst’s legs gave out and a stumbled on top of Buck, giggling uncontrollably. The two men did something Bon Bon thought might be some sort of precursor to a secret handshake, but their laughing was too hysterical for either of them to do it right.

Bon Bon wanted to interject, maybe tell the boys that they had done a good job, but there was no space in their wholesome jonesing around. She instead shrugged and got back in the van, leaving Buck and Sunburst to sit in the grass and collect themselves.

This was not Adagio’s definition of a “break”. She had gone to Sugar Cube Corner and found it staffed exclusively by the Cakes. While the man of the house seemed to treat her with professional courtesy, Adagio could taste the glowering disdain of Mrs. Cake coming from the kitchen as she waited for Buck to make an appearance.

It wasn’t until Mr. Cake explained very gently that Buck was out today because he had “gotten real beat up”, and had sent in a picture that confirmed his ragged state that Adagio grew concerned.

In the picture she was shown, Buck looked just as haggard as he had yesterday, but with the added weight of a clearly sleepless night.

Without even thinking, she found herself idly nibbling on a tart in her car as she drove downtown. Adagio’s feelings had always come second to fulfilling her ambitions, and this was no exception. She simply needed to keep Buck adjacent, even if he wasn’t on her side, it was enough for him to be at her side.

He would still be upset with her, she knew, in fact, she was certain he’d be upset with her for a few years, but she felt compelled to try and communicate with him regardless and explain that he was the lynchpin of her scheme to take down Chrysalis.

Buck was an over-emotional fool, but he was patient and forgiving. He would listen, and then he would understand, and they would go from there. No need for theatrics, this would simply be business. Buck liked things simple, didn’t he?

When did things get so complicated?

Adagio considered her approach for a long while, and before she knew it, her hand was on Buck’s door. Adagio stopped herself before she tried the handle and chose to knock instead.

She heard shuffling feet and tasted a frantic nervousness from under the door.

“Buck? It’s Adagio. I know you’re furious with me. I know that you distrust me, and that’s entirely fair, but I wanted to come by and tell you that I was caught up in the moment last night, and I didn’t mean to-”

The door swung upon, just bit, revealing a familiar set of purple eyes, which at the moment were rattling frantically in Scootaloo’s head.

“Uh…hi Adagio!”

“Ah, Little Birdie. Can you please tell Buck that I’m here to talk with him?”

“W-w-well that’ll be sorta hard, ‘cause he’s not here!”

“Is that so? He must have stepped out for some fresh air. No matter, I’ll just invite myself in and wait for him. I doubt he’ll mind; it’s not like he could get much angrier at me.”

“Wait, wait, wait! Don’t come in! He left me here to uh…watch his place, and, and I kinda made a big mess!”

“His apartment is always a bit of a situation, so I could care less. Move.” Adagio said, pushing on the door.

“Waitaminute!”

“What’s that buzzing noise?”

Adagio easily overpowered Scootaloo, pushing through the threshold to discover a scene made of pure debauchery.

Scootaloo had fallen to the floor, and Adagio could see that two of her orifices were plugged with toys. One of them, a large, knotted shaft was fit snuggly in her backdoor, while the front was playing host to a small assortment of phallic shapes, all of which were vibrating. Scootaloo’s face of flushed red, and she was twitching uncontrollably, radiating an aura of pure embarrassment and sexual gratification.

“It’s not what it looks like!” Scootaloo stammered.

Adagio looked Scootaloo over, then looked past her to the tableau of sex tools scattered across the couch and coffee table.

“How could it look like anything else?” Adagio grinned. “Do all of these toys belong to you?”

“What? No! No, no, no, these are Buck’s! I f-f-found them under his bed!”

Scootaloo crab-walked backward, away from Adagio’s advancing stare, but stopped when she bumped the coffee table.

“Ah, that makes sense. Tools of the trade.” Adagio said, with a vicious grin. She casually extended a foot and used it to spread Scootaloo’s knees. “Did you leave the door unlocked, hoping he would come back and find you in this state? Convulsing and dripping all over his carpet?”

“No! I didn’t…I never….no!” Scootaloo squealed.

Adagio took a knee, drinking in Scootaloo’s exquisite mixture of anxiety and pleasure.

“So the thought never crossed your mind?”

“I…uh…maybe a little?”

“Well…why don’t we wait for him together, hm?”

Adagio reached past Scootaloo’s head and plucked a small cylindrical device from the coffee table. She pressed down on it with a thumb, and it started to vibrate violently.

“Huh? Y-Y-You don’t have to do that…!”

“Oh, I don’t have to do anything. It just so happens I was looking for a snack to go with my early lunch.” Adagio purred. The vibe touched Scootaloo’s clitoris with the slightest contact and she threw her head back and moaned. A thin stream of red energy passed from Scootaloo into Adagio. “You can tell me, of course, if you want me to stop.”

Adagio moved the vibe in small, slow circles, making Scootaloo’s body quake.

“Don’tstopdon’tstopdon’tstop!” Scootaloo squeaked.

“That’s what I thought.”

Dinky Doo left the playground richer by two shiny stones and one cool stick. By the time she slumped into the back seat of Ditzy’s car, she was already asleep.

Ditzy Doo clicked the safety belt into place and wiped a bit of dirt from Dinky’s face. She shut the door and turned to Starlight Glimmer, who was standing awkwardly nearby with her arms crossed.

“Thanks for walking us to the car, but I’ve got to go. I’m done talking about Buck going on whatever crazy mission you want him to go on.”

“You need to have a conversation with Buck about what he’s going to do. I know you’re scared, but he obviously cares about your opinion, and you should-”

“No, I already know what he would say. You need to help him control his powers so we can get back to living a normal life.”

“Ditzy, there is no ‘normal life’. Not for Buck and not for us. Not anymore!”

“I’m going home.” Ditzy opened the driver’s side door, turning a cold shoulder to Starlight.

“At least talk to him about it, Ditzy! This is important; lives are at stake!”

Ditzy glared at Starlight, then shuddered in her seat. She looked somewhere beyond Starlight’s frown and froze. But then, Starlight saw the old fear in Ditzy’s eyes shift into determination.

It was a subtle thing, barely a moment, but it was all the difference in the world to Starlight Glimmer.

“You know what? Fine. We can have this talk right now.”

Ditzy got out of the car and waved. Starlight turned and saw Buck coming over the hill. He waved back and picked up his pace, opening his arms as Ditzy ran to him.

“Buck! How did you know I was here?”

“Sunburst told me, babe!”

“Oh, okay. Look, I’m…last night was terrifying, okay? I know that’s not who you are, but that was really scary, and I’m sorry how I reacted, but I want you to know I’m not mad at you, we just need to figure out how to get this under control.” Ditzy Doo hugged Buck tightly.

“Okay? I’m glad!”

Starlight Glimmer stepped over to the pair, a small smile on her face. She was glad at the very least they could work through some of this.

“Buck, I don’t know what Starlight, or Sunburst asked you exactly, but you’re not about to go risking your life again, are you?”

“Huh? No, no, of course not!”

“See!?” Ditzy said to Starlight. She held Buck’s hand, visibly relaxing.

“Buck, you know how important this is!” Starlight said.

“He said no, Starlight. Buck, do you need a ride home?”

“Yes, that would be good. It was a long walk. Actually, I wanted to speak with Starlight, too.”

“Oh yeah? Well, if it’s magic stuff, we can get to that in the car. Come on, it’s hot out let’s go get a nice glass of lemonade!” Ditzy said, tugging on Buck’s arm.

“Buck, I can’t believe you! We both know you can pull your weight out in the field, and you could be a real asset to the team. Especially after what happened earlier, how can you turn your back on us?” Starlight rounded on Buck.

“Wait, wait, hold on, Starlight. What do you mean after what happened earlier?” Ditzy said.

“Oh, well, Buck and Sunburst-”

“What!? Buck, you weren’t out here getting into trouble with magic stuff, were you!?” Ditzy said.

“What?” Buck blinked, slowly.

“And where’s your necklace? Did you forget it at home again?”

“Ditzy, move!” Starlight shouted, reaching into her pocket.

The slightly confused, slightly bemused expression on Buck’s face peeled off like pudding skin into a sink drain, revealing a fanged black grimace. Buck’s joints popped loudly as he wrenched his arm from Ditzy’s grasp and lunged at Starlight Glimmer like a thirsty tick.

Its drooling maw tried to work up a glob of slime to paste Starlight’s feet to the ground, but in the space of a second, the changeling’s head was taken clean off by a beam of mana.

The copy Buck slumped to the ground and immediately began dissolving into a puddle of slime.

Starlight ran to Ditzy and caught her before she could fall.

“Are you okay, Ditzy!?”

Ditzy regained her footing, trying to do the same with her composure.

“No, Starlight. I can’t take this anymore!”

“Ditzy, this is why we have to take down Chrysalis. Until we do, she’s just going to keep sending these grunts to try and catch us off guard. That’s how serious this is!”

The sound of laughing came from nearby. Ditzy and Starlight looked up to see Buck and Sunburst chuckling and chatting their way over the hill.

“Hey man, if I get good at this, we’ve gotta think up some crazy combo moves! That levitating trick would be great at parties!”

“Ah, well, let’s not get ahead of ourselves! We still don’t know what that pink power of yours is!”

“Shit, yeah, that’s true. Any ideas about that?”

“Well, I do have a few theories, but we can get into that later.”

“Hey, as long as we can get a handle on it, that’s all that matters. But hey, you were pretty badass back there!”

“You think so? I don’t think I’ve ever been able to…oh.”

Sunburst and Buck’s conversation came to a sudden halt as they noticed Starlight and Ditzy Doo staring up at them from halfway down the hill.

“Ditzy?” Buck ran to her and stopped just short of embracing her.

“Me? What about you? You look like you got into a fight with a porcupine.” Ditzy said, joylessly.

“Well, I heard you and Dinky were here, and some sorta monster was on the loose so I came over here to make sure you didn’t get hurt.”

“So you got yourself hurt instead?”

“Uh…well…”

“Starlight, did you know? Did you know Buck was out here fighting, while we were talking?” Ditzy said.

“I…wanted to stick around and keep you and Dinky safe while Buck and Sunburst dealt with the problem.” Starlight said.

“How could you?” Ditzy said.

“Muffin, listen, they’re understaffed, like we are at work. What they do is really important, and anyway, as long as you and Dinky are fine, that’s all that matters!”

“What?” Ditzy looked at Buck like she was trapped in a nightmare.

“It doesn’t matter if I get hurt; Sunburst can just heal me up! But if something happened to you or Dinky, I don’t know what I would do!”

Ditzy Doo’s eyes drifted away from Buck’s earnest expression. Her fists were shaking as she tried to find the words, Silver Spoon’s advice echoing in her head.

“Buck, you know something?”

“What?”

Ditzy took a deep breath and took Buck’s hands in hers. She ran her thumbs over the back of Buck’s hands and finally spoke from the heart.

“I love you. I’ve never been more sure of that. We…you make me happy, and you make Dinky happy, and the time we spend together is priceless, and…you’re the closest thing to family that I have.”

“I love you too, Muffin.”

“But I can’t keep doing this. I can’t watch you come home all beat up, and I can’t stay up at night wondering what your magic is going to do to you. Or to me. I can’t live in this world where you keep drifting in and out of being a normal guy and…whatever this is!”

“What are you saying? I can fix this, just give me a little more time!”

“I don’t feel safe around you! I don’t feel safe with you interacting with Dinky if you could turn into a monster at any minute! Until you really deal with your magic, and whatever is going on with the horns and the changelings and, and whatever, I can’t be around you. I won’t sit around just waiting for you to hurt me!”

“I would never hurt you!”

“YOU DON’T KNOW THAT! You can’t know that! Not until you get a handle on this! I know you’re doing your best, but this isn’t working!”

“You’re breaking up with me?”

“No! No, no, no, I love you, Buck! I do! But I just…I can’t be around you right now. We need to take a…a break. Just until all of this crazy stuff is over! Okay?”

Buck’s mouth opened and closed as he tried to respond, but all he could do was inhale sharply. He was trying desperately to hold it in, to say something, anything to make this right, but there was nothing to be said. Despite how he claimed to be a writer, Buck just couldn’t find the right words.

Instead, he closed his mouth and nodded, letting his hands drop from Ditzy’s.

“I’m sorry, Buck.”

Ditzy turned with tears in her eyes and went to her car. Sunburst and Starlight watched helplessly as Buck raised his arms, stepping forward as if to run and hug Ditzy from the back, but as the engine turned over and the tires squeaked away from the park, Buck’s hands went back down to his sides.

Sunburst put a hand on Buck’s shoulder.

“Don’t. Just take me home.” Buck said.

The shadows of Center Park slowly lengthened as the sun made its gradual trip across the sky. Less than a minute after an old jeep and an older sedan took different streets to go to the same destination, a sleek black police cruiser slid into the parking lot like a curious alley cat.

It was the kind of ride that was meant to be disguised, so petty criminals wouldn’t see it coming, but everyone knew what model of car the CPD drove, and equally resented how their tax dollars were being used. It could only be more conspicuous if it played its siren.

A pair of eyes obscured by tinted windows and a pair of sunshades had watched Buck, Starlight, and Sunburst leave Center Park, and now the jingling of a pair of handcuffs hung from a belt signaled the arrival of another interloper.

Buck and Sunburst had handled the situation relatively well, but they had been sloppy. They had left a confusion of frantic footprints in the grass, and now that trail was being followed.

A thought was spared to the traffic cameras by the lot; they might have seen something. That would be for later. The first priority was figuring out if this was a crime scene or not.

A chorus of pigeons greeted the investigator as a copse of trees was examined. It looked like there were footprints here, but they all just sort of disappeared, save for one set. There was evidence that something large had gone down the hill. The trail led across the open plains, where there were more signs of a struggle, culminating in a dumpster that looked like it had been ransacked by someone with rage issues and a crowbar.

Officer Lightning Dust smiled, took some pictures and some notes, then turned and headed back to her car.

Buck sat in the back of Sunburst’s jeep, staring silently out the window. He hadn’t said anything since the ride started. Starlight couldn’t read the expression on his face.

“Well…the good news is, Ditzy is okay with you finishing the job. You might even get some insight into your powers while we’re dealing with Chrysalis!” Starlight tried.

Sunburst patted her thigh and shook his head.

“I didn’t think it’d be so soon,” Buck said. “There’s always somethin’, you know? Somethin’ that I do, or say, or screw up, or somehow light on fire, and then they’re gone, just like that. But Ditzy’s different. She was my friend, first. She knows me. I really didn’t think it would be this soon, you know?”

“She said it was a break. It’s probably healthier for you two to take some time to figure things out.” Sunburst said.

Starlight saw red sparks fizzle around Buck’s head.

“She fucking hates me, now.” Buck said.

The car stopped, and Buck got out but stopped a few paces from the jeep.

“Do you know when you’re goin’ after the bug bitch?”

“We were going to decide that after talking to you.” Starlight said.

“Fine. Make it Tuesday.”

“We’ll come and pick you up early. Maybe before the sun comes up. We’ll brief you on the way to the mountains.” Starlight said.

“That’s fine.”

“Buck, are you going to be alright?” Sunburst said.

Buck’s shoulders slumped.

“Don’t ask me that, man,” Buck said and started what seemed like the longest climb upstairs of his life.
Buck dragged his heavy feet up to the second floor. He thought very hard about knocking in Ditzy’s door, but he knew better by now.

Instead, he turned the doorknob to his own little slice of poverty, then came to a dead stop in the middle of the threshold. Buck saw what would have been an incredibly welcome sight not too long ago.

Scootaloo was moaning against Adagio’s hand as the siren slid a knobby toy in and out of her tiny, wet snatch. Adagio’s expression was one of wicked glee as Scootaloo quivered in her grasp, but then the two of them looked up and saw Buck.

Buck’s second head came to life, insisting that now the was time to cut loose, to relax and have some god damned fun for once and damn the consequences, but the feeling was taken over by the image of Ditzy turning away from him in tears.

“Buck?” Adagio said, letting go of Scootaloo and rising to her feet. “First of all, welcome home. Second, I know you’re upset with me, and that this scene is a bit odd, but I’d like to offer a different deal. I’d actually like to speak with you and Ditzy both.”

Buck’s dull shock changed slowly. Adagio couldn’t taste him. It was like he was buried underground or far away. Buck looked at Scootaloo, then at Adagio.

“Get out.” Buck croaked.

“Buck, I know this is unexpected, but I really think we can-”

“GET OUT!” Buck stomped his foot and the whole apartment shook. The outline of a pink, horned demon blazed over Buck’s face as he screamed.

Scootaloo scrambled to her feet, pulling her skirt back up. She waddled over to the patio, thought better of jumping off it, then hobbled out the door on her crutch. Buck was pretty sure some of his toys were still inside her.

Adagio didn’t move a muscle. Her eyes were wide. A hand covered her mouth, and there was an unmistakable blush on her face. Buck stepped past her and sat on the couch.

“Buck?” Adagio said. She had the tiniest, thinnest smile on her face.

The pink demon disappeared.

“Just leave me alone. Please.” Buck whimpered.

Adagio nodded slowly and left the apartment.

Buck reached the coffee table. It was a mess of sex toys, most of which he’d gotten on the extreme cheap, but he didn’t want any of them right now. Instead, he grabbed his changeling stone necklace and put it around his neck, then headed to his bedroom to sit at the edge of his bed.

He stared at his closet with dull eyes. He saw the fluffy pink scarf hanging there.

With no one left to judge him, tempt him or comfort him, Buck’s tears finally came.

Author's Note

*Bonus Chapter coming soon!
Song Review: I had the absolute pleasure of discovering Su Lee when she opened for Mystery Skulls just recently. Me and the squad hadn't heard of her, but as soon as she started on her seat, this wonderfully strange Korean woman performing in pajamas won all of our hearts.
I'll just dance is about a crisis of self-doubt. Rather, it's a bit similar to The Great Pretender in that it's about fighting against one's own sorrow, but instead of bottling it all down, Su Lee posits that even if you're alone, confused, scared, and unsure if you're making the right choices, it's best to keep dancing and moving, no matter how fucking stupid you think it looks.
Based on the conversation me and the squad had with Su Lee after the show, this song sums up her music career pretty succinctly, which is a god damned vibe if I've ever heard one.

I promise, I'm going somewhere with all of this.
End of Act 3