The Only Mark That Matters

Splash Page led Radish down the streets of midtown, taking a circuitous route to their destination. Eventually, they stood before a long alley. At the end of the alley was a red door. It was the same cafe Radish and Rarity in which had met the Campaign for Alicorn Authenticity.

“I should’ve known this was the place,” said Radish.

“Yeah, but you can’t get a hoof in the door without an introduction from me. And keep the alternate timeline thing to yourself- most ponies aren’t as open-minded about that kind of stuff as I am.”

Splash Page knocked on the door. A viewing hatch opened in its center. A eye peered suspiciously at them behind a small grate.

“Hey,” said a gruff voice. “Who’s that?”

“Hey. He’s a new friend. He’s cool,” Splash Page stated nonchalantly.

For the third time that day, Radish felt a scanning spell pass through his body. This one felt somewhat warm.

“All right,” said the doorkeeper. He opened the door and let them pass inside.

They entered the dimly-lit cafe. A number of ponies were hunched over the tables, whispering to themselves. Splash Page led Radish to a small booth.

“There’s going to be a special guest speaker tonight,” said Splash Page. “I think you should meet him.”

“Who exactly are you guys?” asked Radish.

“We're called ‘CLIFF’- The Campaign for Loose Interpretation of Flank Features. We’re trying to overturn the IDEA.”

“Okay, and what’s this ‘IDEA’?”

“The Inerrant Destiny Enforcement Act. It’s a law that Celestia passed last year.”

“Destiny? Enforcement?”

“Basically, the law says everypony has to work a job directly referenced by their cutie mark, interpreted as literally as possible.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ponies can no longer interpret their cutie marks symbolically. If you have a paintbrush in your cutie mark, you have to paint. If you have a diamond cutie mark, you have to be a jeweler. And so on.”

“Why? What’s the point?”

“Nopony knows. Celestia didn’t give a reason, she just decreed it.”

“But how could she make such a far-reaching rule like that on her own? What about congress? What about the courts? The Constitution?”

“Ah, well, Celestia also decreed that her authority supersedes all others. And she expanded the scope of the Royal Guard to enforce that.”

“And everypony just let that happen?”

“Oh, there were protests. Even the Elements of Harmony weren’t on board with it at first. But it’s hard to argue with the pony who raises the sun.”

“But wouldn’t so many ponies being forced to suddenly change jobs just totally wreck Equestria? Like, the economy and stuff?”

“There was a grace period. But, yeah, the lives of about half the ponies in this country were turned up-side down. I was lucky, but most of my friends and neighbors weren’t. Light Fantastic had to go back to cloud-sculpting. Haven’t heard from her since.”

“But how did all this start? Celestia couldn't have just snapped one day. There must have been more leading up to it.”

“Well, the answer to that depends on how far back you look. I think it really all started when a group of nobleponies freed Discord from stone. He ran amok for days before the Elements of Harmony could corner him again.”

Radish recalled his secret mission with the bat ponies. “Discord’s groupies. So, they actually succeeded.”

“That prompted a huge clamping-down on the nobility. Assets frozen and seized. And in most ponies’ eyes, it was about time. But soon after that, a street gang kidnapped Celestia’s niece. Captain Shining Armor tore the town apart trying to find her, invoking whatever emergency powers he needed and suspending any civil rights that got in his way. He got her back, but we didn’t get most of those rights back.”

“The Warmbloods succeeded, too? Celestia must have felt under attack from every level of society.”

“And then there were the more, well, personal tragedies that piled upon Celestia. None of which excuse or explain what she’s done, though.”

“Then, what is CLIFF trying to achieve?”

“Right now, we’re organizing. Gathering information and numbers. Making allies. Oh! Like him!” Splash Page pointed to a pony at the other end of the room. “Our guest speaker is here. Let’s listen. I’ll introduce you after.”

A tall eggshell-white unicorn stallion stepped up onto a small stage in the corner of the cafe. The room got quiet and attentive. Radish’s jaw dropped.

“Spats?” Radish said to himself.

“You know Spatterdash?” Splash Page asked.

“You know Spatterdash?” Radish asked.

“He’s an up-and-coming member of CLIFF. A lot of guards were kicked out of the service for having the wrong cutie marks. Quite a few landed here.”

Spats stood tall, gazing around the room. He cleared and throat and spoke commandingly.

“Fillies and gentlecolts, life in Equestria has become untenable. It’s been a year since the IDEA took effect. A year since the lives of more than half of ponykind were upended with no debate, no recourse, and no choice.

“A year since the justice system was pulled out from under us. A year since we lost representation in our government. A year of living under the boot of the Royal Guard. I say, no more. We have no powers of protest anymore… but the power to do nothing at all.

“I’m proposing a general nationwide strike. Every pony who was forced into a new job should refuse to do that job. Every pony who was allowed to keep their old job should also refuse to do that job.”

A murmur passed across the room. The listeners debated the merits of his plan. Most seemed to be liking it.

“Life in Equestria used to be about choice. About freedom. The freedom to interpret our cutie marks based on what they mean to us, not how they look to others. We used to be able to choose the trails we trot, but now we’ve been yoked to the cart of oppression and forced to pull it down the road of tyranny. No more! We are going to unhitch ourselves and gallop free!”

The room cheered. Radish leaned back.

“I didn’t know Spats could command a room like that.”

“He was a guard, but he was studying to be a lawyer before he was forced into the fashion industry. That’s the kind of talent that’s been lost because of the IDEA.”

Spats passed through the room, shaking hooves and speaking with the patrons.

Suddenly, a gray earth mare burst into the cafe from the back door. Radish recognized her, too. She was Marble Pie.

“It’s a raid!” she howled. “Guards are tearing the block apart!”

The room flooded with panic. Ponies took to their hooves and ran, knocking over tables as they fled.

“Everypony calm down!” called Spats. “There’s no need to-”

The front door exploded, knocking the doorkeeper away. A large contingent of royal guards rushed into room. They seized and knocked down ponies, pouncing on ones that ran while attacking ones that resisted.

A guard blasted in Radish’s direction with a bolt of lightning. Splash Page kicked the table into the air. It intercepted the lightning, sending it spinning away in flames while Splash Page dragged Radish behind the bar.

“You need to get out of here!” Splash said. “If we really are in a bad timeline, only you can fix it!”

“How!?”

“Find out how it all went wrong. The divergence point!”

“But-

They heard a mare shout. They popped their heads behind the bar and saw Marble Pie, angrily swinging a chair around herself to keep a group of four guards at bay. A fountain of expletives poured from her mouth.

“Go!” Splash Page cried, then vaulted over the bar to assist her. Across the room Radish caught a glimpse of Spats running into the fray. He was rushing to the door, where a guard in purple-trimmed armor had entered.

It was Shining Armor. He saw Spats and scowled.

“Traitor!” he bellowed.

“No, captain,” said Spats. “I’ve kept true to my oath. I’m protecting Equestria from its enemies. It's just that these days, its enemies live in the palace.”

Shining Armor blasted at Spats with a dark red laser. The laser barely missed him as Radish leapt to knock Spats out of the way, pulling him down to the floor.

Shining Armor saw Radish’s face and reeled back in horror.

“You!? But… but… you’re dead!”

Radish didn’t take any time to reflect on these words, only taking the opportunity to rush Shining Armor and buck him with both hind legs. Shining splat into the cafe wall. He shook the ringing out of his head and pointed to Radish.

“Guards! Get that stallion! I want him alive!”

Radish ran out the front door.

“Hey! Asshole!” he heard a mare shout.

Radish looked ahead. Sunset Shimmer was in the alley in front of him, glaring.

“You there! Halt!” called Shining Armor, emerging from the cafe behind Radish.

Sunset Shimmer fired a glowing orange beam at Radish. Shining Armor fired a sparkly pink beam at Radish. Radish ducked, and the two beams met mid-air above his head, shoving each other back and forth. Radish scrambled to his hooves and rushed past Sunset Shimmer. She eyed him angrily, but let him pass to keep her beam engaged.

Radish ran, not entirely sure where he was going. He considered and rejected a dozen ideas. His options became starkly limited, however, as he noticed royal guards cutting off the streets behind him, the alleys to his sides, and the airspace above him.

A column of fire erupted in the center of the street. A towering mare stepped out of it and into Radish’s path. He scrambled back.

The mare was clad in a heavy black dress, with cuffs down to her forehooves and a trailing black skirt which hid her tail under a bustle. A wide-rimmed black hat, which held a lacey black veil around her head, concealed her face and mane.

She turned her head toward Radish, the paused for a beat. A golden magical aura pushed the veil back, revealing Celestia’s face.

Radish’s eyes went wide. Celestia’s eyes went wide.

“Radish Root?” she asked quietly. “Is that you? Is that really, truly, you?”

“Princess Celestia?”

She flung her hat off, letting her mane flow free. With a flick of her horn, she yanked him through the air into a tight embrace.

“Whoa!” gasped Radish.

“Oh, Radish, you’re alive! I knew you were alive! I knew destiny would bring you back to me!”

“Uh, but-”

“Come!”

She teleported them both away in another column of flame. Radish fell into a large plush bed in a large, stately bedroom. Celestia waved her horn again, and her black dress burned away into nothing. She stepped up to the bed.

“Princess, I need- mmph!”

Radish was interrupted by Celestia pressing her lips into his.