The Only Mark That Matters

Radish sipped coffee at his desk. Pinkie Pie kicked his door open.

“Radish! I need your help! It’s an Omega-Level Emergency!” she howled, on the edge of hyperventilating.

Radish snatched his sword off the wall and his helmet off his side table.

“Okay. Let’s get to the captain. You can fill me in on the way.”

“Got it!”

The two rushed down the hall.

“What’s the situation, Pinkie Pie?”

“It’s bad! It’s really, really bad!”

“Just focus. Start from the beginning.”

“Radish… it’s Rainbow Dash!”

“What? Is she hurt? Kidnapped? Corrupted?”

“No, worse! A million times worse!”

“What is it!?”

They reached the door to Barrel Roller’s office. Pinkie Pie gripped Radish by his shoulders. She looked into his eyes, on the verge of tears.

“It’s okay, Pinkie. Whatever it is, you can count on the Guard. We’ll get through this together.”

“Radish…” she said, sniffling, “I think that Rainbow Dash…”

“Yes?”

“I think she’s been lying about liking my pies!”

“She… what?”

“I’m serious! I don’t think she’s eaten a single pie I’ve ever baked her!”

Radish closed his eyes.

“Pinkie Pie. That’s not an Omega-Level Emergency.”

“It’s not?”

“Omega-Level Emergencies are existential threats.”

“Then what level is lying about pie?”

“There’s no level for that!”

“So, it’s off the charts!?”

“Pinkie Pie, I’m going back to my quarters. Whatever issues you have with Rainbow Dash and… pies… you’ll have to work it out without the Guard’s help.

“I understand. You can’t get involved in pie-litical issues.”

“Have a nice afternoon, Pinkie.”

“Bye, Radish. Stay safe.”

Radish walked away. As he rounded the corner, he heard Barrel Roller’s voice.

“Miss Pie? Can I help you with something?”

“You sure can!”

Radish quickened his pace. He entered his quarters and locked the door, turned off the light, and drew down the shades.