So Parcel Post has a nice package. At least that's what I was thinking.

I'd found myself met with thoughts like that about a lot of stallions recently. Not just "nice package," though that seemed to be an undeniable benefit of horse anatomy, but "nice butt" and "nice face" and "nice muscles" and other such gay thoughts. Spike broke the seal it seems. Count on a dragon to make me flaming.

Not as though I haven't had my dalliance with dick in my time in Equestria. Men don't get the great reputation you're very own Anon does, one of being the absolute master of mares, lord of loads, and conqueror of all cooch, without letting a few dicks slip into the pudding. Those had been exceptions to the rule, however, and the new rule was--

"Parcel Post has a nice package," I muttered aloud. All semblance of charisma leaving my brain as idea met reality, and my mouth went from sex organ to own-shoe repository. Now this would have not been any kind of issue normally. I was with Pinkie Pie, a purveyor of packages herself, and we were otherwise alone in the second story of Sugar Cube Corner having scones and catching up. However, sound has this unique feature where, when unobstructed, it carries on a certain distance. It just so happens my volume, tuned appropriately for such a comment to a friend in the privacy of her quarters, was just loud enough to carry perfectly to the street below. Would you believe me, dear reader, if I told you that such a volume, on a quiet Ponyville morning, was also incidentally the same volume needed to reach street level. Would you also believe I had left the window cracked open, just a bit, to get some breeze and comfortable ambient noise for the room? Well, if I have strung you along this far, then I'm sure it comes as no small surprise that he heard me. He heard me say he has a nice package.

It would have been awkward enough, seeing him react, looking up to me and Pinkie on the second floor with a raised eyebrow, looking back at his flank, at his tail lightly swept to the side by the wind, and looking back up at the two of us. Ponies are not terribly modest, not generally, so the slightly amused look he returned would not have been that bad by itself, no. Pinkie Pie, however, is not one to let things stay simple when she sees a chance for some fun.

"His cock is pretty good looking too," she said, chipper voice cutting through the air and slicing its way down to him. She took a sip of her tea, cup held in her hair, and waved to him below. He returned a more uneasy wave, the amusement on his face being invaded by the beginnings of a bashful blush.

I shut the window with a snap and glowered over at Pinkie from across the table. She deflected it, however you deflect emotional energy she was a master at it, and I recoiled at the sheer innocence of the smile that she returned. My own face turning red, I fiddled around with one of her doilies, ruffing it up just enough to show her I was upset, but not enough to affect the look of the room. I wasn't a monster.

"What, Anon? Are you really pretending to have any shame now?"

Oooooo, this pink bitch. I love her.

"Pinkie, that was a little much, don't you think?" My gestures were cartoonish. One becomes much less concerned with being cartoonish-seeming in Equestria though.

"Anon, you have this nervous thought pattern I've noticed where, even after putting your penis in almost the entire catalogue of mares that you know, you think stallions are somehow more modest as a rule" She took a very knowing sip of her tea.

"I-uh...well...I just feel out of my element." I searched for words to elaborate, but decided I'd have better luck finding them in my scone than in my head, so took another bite.

Pinkie pondered. She spoke, "I remember you picking up a mare by complementing her hooves, then when she asked what you liked about them, you said they matched her teats. You fucked her within the hour."

I shrank in my seat and started to straighten out the doily.

"So do you really, really think that you can't do the same with a stallion? You wanna really go for this, right?"

"I..."

"So get out there," she cut me off with a curt but energetic tone, "save the situation, and then come up here and fuck the mail pony. I know you can." She added in a polite little whisper, "I mean I have before so I know he's easy."

***

I was running to catch up to him, but he was only 2 buildings down in the time it took that conversation to unfold, so I slowed it down to an urgent walk so I didn't look like a crazy person. Urgently walking to catch up, he turned and gave another little wave, the blush Pinkie had given him only just starting to fade from his face. I was going to change that. I was going to hit him with the smoothest, smartest, best pickup line ever. I was going to wield the charisma that earned me such titles as the King of Crotches, the Master of Muff, and the Prince of Pussy, and I was gonna sweep this stallion off his hooves and start my conquest towards being Equestria's foremost Duke of Dick!

"Hey," I breathed, stopping a few feet from him.

"Uh, hehe, Hi Anon. How are you today?" He had a cute voice, never noticed. He was tall too, almost up to my chest, much taller the average pony. I could see why Pinkie angled for him. Bushy curly-q mane and tail, cute little uniform on a cute big stallion, and a cute heart-stamp ass-mark that seemed more and more like a target for teeth.

I shook the thought of biting asses out of my head. Showtime. "When I said 'nice package' earlier, I was making a joke about the mail."

Silence. He stared at me.

"I'd, uh, like to get your package in the mail though...and I'm male..."

A tumbleweed floated by in the distance, carried only by the power of the tension in the air.

***

Pinkie's nice, decorated, plush room offered superb acoustics for the slurping and slorping sounds contained within. Pinkie herself was still sat at the window, a smug look of I-was-right-ness on her face as she sipped tea and ate her scone. Actually It seemed like she was eating mine. Rude. I was having a sloppy gay 69 on her bed though, so fair is fair. She had opted out, saying she had, quote, had her fill of eggs and sausage, and would wait for Rarity to come over to enjoy some sushi later, unquote. Ponies say I'm dense when Pinkie is here thinking about food while I'm trying to talk about sex. Geez.

No time to care too much about that though, as Parcel's package had indeed arrived. Horse cock was a wonderful thing, I was coming to learn. He was just barely tall enough to drape his cock up my chest and let me lasciviously lap at the tip, while he got his fill of my groin. Hearty horse tongue manhandled its way around my manhood, and as his snout worked my cock side to side, with him sampling the whole platter before diving in, I strained to try and get an unbroken lick all around his flare.

I gasped, or maybe more moaned, when he got tired of the tastes and went straight to seeing how his tonsils liked my member. Longer mouths meant ponies rarely needed to try very hard to hilt me, despite my completely respectable (if constantly overshadowed by horse genitalia) length, and that meant it always caught me off guard. He bobbed his head back up, tracing his large, wet tongue along the top of my shaft, before plunging down again. This time it was a moan. Right from the center of my chest, I let my gut constrict with pleasure and leaned my head back, a long, satisfied hum running out of my lips and dripping into the soundscape of the room. Pinkie was blushing, I saw.

Parcel was experienced, and he was horny. I saw a bead of pre form basically every time he bobbed back down, and I tried to lick them as fast as they formed. Each time I opened my mouth a new kind of noise escaped, I had never been this vocal before but being pinned by the weight of a full, tall, muscular stallion was just forcing it out of me like I was a rubber chicken.

He started to grind his hips into my chest. I looked at his plot while continuing my ministrations and noticed his balls folded back to let his dick flop behind him so I could lick it; I noticed as he ground into me his taint would flex with every hump, his ponut would clench in a delectable way. I even noticed his head flaring around my lips and tongue. I reached my left hand up to grab at his ass, mushing the tense, sinewy muscle into putty for me to play with, and I brought my right hand up to play with his plot.

He responded to these new sensations by kicking it into overdrive on my cock. He tightened his lips into a seal and began to suck like there was no tomorrow as he bobbed up and down with even more ferocity. His tongue bathed my cock in his mouth, and I shuddered and moaned as he lapped up my pre with the back of his tongue every time he went down. I knew the end was coming for both of us soon, his cock had fully flared on my chin, and he was leaking so much pre with every desperate grind that it was coming out with enough force to hit me in the face with every thrust.

After a respectful groping of his ass, at least squishing his ponut with a wetted finger, and a downright worshipful handling of his balls, feeling the pulled-tight-skin on his massive orbs, I finally settled on jerking the base of his cock. It was awkward from this position, more or less rubbing it in rhythm with his grinding, pressing it against my chest as I licked and sucked at as much of his massive flared head as I could. Before I even had time to warn him I came. I don't even know how much because he never slowed down, vacuuming my cock relentlessly as I moaned into the head of his.

This sent him over the edge it seems, because the second I moved my head back to moan again I felt a jet of cum hit my chin and wash over my chest. He spasmed on top of me and his legs twitched furiously as he tried to keep grinding to ride out the O. I worked as hard at his cock as I could, given the angle and my own orgasm, and felt the whole rod tense and spasm with him as I caught the majority of a second thick rope of cum in my mouth, but then a third blasted out into my face directly. I could only open my mouth and try to catch the fourth and fifth, but I had accepted my facial fate and simply enjoyed the sensation.

He had stopped spasming and breathed heavily into my crotch, my cock still in his mouth. We both just laid there breathing. The room was so quiet again. The sound of my own blood in my ears calmed, and soon our breathing did too, and we were just laying quietly in the pink, comfy, plush room of Pinkie Pie. Oh yeah, I looked over at Pinkie, who had been shamelessly hoofing herself off. She met eyes with me and I raised an eyebrow. She raised hers back and, emotional deflect, I peered at the sweaty stallion draped over me, and the pool of cum covering my face and chest and the sheets. Okay, fair's fair once again. Parcel's left buttcheek clenched and his leg twitched again beside me.

I smirked through cum covered lips. The Duke of Dick. It has a nice ring to it.

Author's Note

Sorry for the hiatus, writing is hard. Enjoy.