The Grimdark 6 Vol Three: Dark Humor

by SuperSaiyanDiclonius

Chapter 1: War Returns

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"Thank you very much for your aid. I promise you, we will repay you." Twilight vowed to Equestria's latest ally.

Rain Shine, leader of the Kirin, smiled and waved off the promise of payment. "If this threat is as horrid as you say it is, then it is we who should repay you for warning us of these horrors."

The Kirin gathered around cried out various forms of agreement, with most, especially Autumn Blaze, being on the verge of becoming Niriks after hearing Twilight describe the last two encounters with the horrors beyond the stars. "That anycreature could be so cruel...rrrr...it makes me furious!"

The blue and red flames emitting from Applejack's Kirin friend didn't warrant nearly the concern creatures usually felt when a Kirin was about to go Nirik...mostly because she was one amongst dozens feeling the same way...and one amongst one hundred that would soon join the PDF.

"With your help, we can make sure it never happens aga-" Twilight was cut off when her Cutie Mark began to glow and flash.

The Kirin were taken aback by this, but Twilight was almost ecstatic. "...It's been so long...Uh, I'm afraid I have to go now. I have an urgent problem to take care of. Thank you somuchforallyourhelpIpromiseI'llfindawaytorepayyoulaterTHANKYOOOOUU!!!!" And with that, she was over the horizon.


Rainbow Dash dodged a stream of lightning as she sparred with Yellow Jacket. The vengeful veteran of the PDF had become one of Equestria's most ruthless warriors, and few sparred with her willingly.

Rainbow Dash was one of those few. After flying around behind the Unicorn, the daredevil Pegasus landed with authority onto her back.

Yellow Jacket electrocuted herself with her own attack in order to shock Rainbow Dash. Most opponents would be so shocked by the unexpected attack that they'd let go, but Rainbow Dash had seen this technique before and was ready. She simply gritted her teeth and bared it while wrapping her front legs around the Unicorn's neck.

Rainbow Dash then rolled over with Yellow Jacket in her death grip and wrapped her lower legs around the mare's stomach while squeezing as hard as she could. It appeared as though her victory was near...when her Cutie Mark began to glow.

Rainbow Dash threw Yellow Jacket off her and sprang up, throwing her hooves up in surrender. "WOAH WOAH WOAH!! TIME OUT! TIME OUT!!...looks like I'm needed elsewhere."

Yellow Jacket looked to the glowing Cutie Mark and nodded. "Alright, but we're having a rematch as soon as you get back."

"You got it Jack, let me just tell Aries that I gotta- oh..." Rainbow Dash was stunned silent to see Aries walking up to her with a familiar glow emanating from the emblem of the War Hounds.
"Explain this. Now."


"Alright, that should do it" A Unicorn by the name of Magnum Opas stated. This Unicorn was one of the most renowned artists in Equestria. So when Greenskin decided he wanted a tattoo on his shoulder in the likeness of the reshaped Element of Kindness, he had enlisted the Pony's services.

He had gone to Rarity first, who was absolutely horrified by the idea of tattoos, but she did what she could to repay the Ork for his part in fighting the Dark Eldar and used her connections to the Canterlot Elite to introduce the art of tattoos to anypony who wanted to take up the challenge.

Two years later, Greenskin had his tattoo...and it started glowing.

"Hmm? Wut dat meen? I didn't want no fancy glowin' tattoo. 'Ow do I make it stop?" Greenskin asked the equally bewildered Artist.

Magnum stuttered for a moment before Fluttershy came into his Art Studio. "Greenskin, I have to do something very important to- oh."

"Ay, yer Mark is glowin' too. Wut's dat about." Greenskin asked.

"Um, well, it means that the Spirit of Harmony needs us to solve a Friendship problem." Fluttershy said, very worried over what sort of problem they would need Greenskin to solve.

"All I need ta know." The Ork stated as he walked over to a coat rack and grabbed his sleeveless jacket with Tirek's horn attached to one of the shoulders. He then reached beside the coat rack and grabbed his Big Choppa: a long handled two bladed battle ax made from the ruins of Dark Eldar flying machines with a variety of totems attached to it...including the Element of Kindness and the skull of the Haemonculus that Fluttershy had killed. He had tried to give Fluttershy the skull, and she was relieved when he finally stopped.

Greenskin turned back to Fluttershy with a grin on his face. "Time ta get stuck in Boss."


Pinkie Pie watched her friends make their way to Twilight's castle. Rarity and Applejack got there first due to proximity, followed by Rainbow Dash and Twilight for their speed, and Aries met up with Fluttershy and Greenskin to bring up the rear. All that was left was her...and one other.

The Party Pony looked up at the glowing mask of Krae'Nakh. "Well, let's get this heartbreak over with."


Everypony stood in shock at where their marks directed them. "...The mirror..." Twilight breathed.

"So...Armony wantz us ta smash a mirrah? Okay." Spoke the Ork amongst them, but Aries doubted it was that easy.

"What is this mirror?" The War Hound asked the shocked Alicorn...who only seemed to grow more concerned.

"U-um...well, y-you know how...I would find some things out about your world that would help us, and you would assume that I was reading your mind or something?" Twilight spoke nervously.

"...so this mirror is the source of your information on my world? Does it show you the wider galaxy?" Aries asked.

"N-no, it's...a doorway to another world where duplicates of me and my friends live...as humans." Twilight stated with a wince in her face as she anticipated a negative reaction.

Aries processed the information before coming up with his first question. "Are they part of the Imperium?"

"N-no, but...it seems as though echoes of what goes on in both of our worlds make it into theirs. But they have no idea that these echoes are from actual worlds and just assume they imagined it...which leads to things like this." Twilight materialized a book in front of the War Hound, a book labeled 'Warhammer 40,000 Ork Codex: 8th Edition'.

Aries took the book and quickly skimmed through it. Now, he understood Twilight's reaction. "...Had I discovered this madness two years earlier, I don't know what I would've done. For now, I only wish to know what we are meant to do in this world?"

"That's a good question. Another one would be 'Who the heck is this supposed to be'?" Rainbow Dash stated while pointing to a symbol in the same group as theirs that appeared to be a humanoid skull.

"...I can answer both of those." Pinkie Pie's voice alerted the ponies and nonponies gathered around the map that the last of Twilight's friends had arrived...and she wasn't alone.

Aries and Greenskin beared their weapons at the sight of the Eldar and the ponies showed looks of concern, but Pinkie Pie put a hoof up between them. "It's alright, he's with us. Everypony, this is Krae'Nakh. He's the new Element of Laughter."

Krae'Nakh reinforced the party pony's claim by presenting the Element, now in the shape of his his skull-shaped mask. Greenskin lowered his Big Choppa, but Aries did not lower Defiance, his Equestrian Defender.

"You do not need to trust me Astartes, but you should trust her." Krae'Nakh gestured towards Pinkie Pie who walked forward.

"I'm sure you all know that we wouldn't all be needed if this was something simple, but it's more than that...Chaos is back. And this time, they mean business. I don't know exactly what they're planning, and trying to beat the answer out of Krae'Nakh will take too long, so all we can do is go through the mirror and figure out what's going on." Pinkie Pie stated in a serious tone.

Even Aries knew that this was highly abnormal for her, and lowered Defiance. "The moment I believe that our interests no longer align, I'll feed what's left of you to the Ork."

"An' I'll feed wut I don't eet ta me Snotz!" Greenskin shouted, the Death Jester reminding him just a little too much of the Dark Eldar.


Now standing before the Mirror, the group made their farewells. Twilight lent a magic journal to Starlight, saying that any words written within appeared in a twin on the other side. Greenskin and Fluttershy were informing Dr. Fauna on how to care for Cozy Glow and the Snotlings, two of them, Hooknose had been deemed too dangerous to leave unattended, and was thus tied and gagged onto Greenskin's Big Choppa.

The Snot decided to make it's presence known by squirming, resulting in Greenskin jostling him a bit. "Oy! You see dat War 'Ound standin' roight dere. You get loose while he's 'round an' I won't be fast enough ta save ya."

Aries heard the Ork's threat but didn't bother to acknowledge it, he had his own preparations to make. "Pharynx is to handle the new recruits from the Kirin, Yellow Jacket will handle the tests of Dazzling Light's latest invention, and Freedom Fighter will start drilling the PDF extensively on combat formations...in the event we are incapable of containing this new threat."

A trio of 'yes sir' rang out from the champions of Equestria's army. And then...it was time.

"What awaits us on the other side?" Aries asked.

Twilight activated the portal before answering. "Well, the human civilization is only in the 2,000s, or the early 3rd Millennium as you would put it. Oh, and when me, Starlight, and a Pony named Sunset Shimmer passed through the portal...we turned into humans until we came back."

Aries started at that, the thought of Aliens masquerading as humans bringing back old paranoia, but nonetheless, he pressed on.

The group went through the portal. Opposed to a Unicorn's teleportation, this felt very similar to Warp Travel. Lasting only a single second, but a second that stretched beyond eternity.

When Aries appeared on the other side, he was disoriented, more so than he felt he should've been. The vertigo drove him to his knees and then to his hands.

"...es...Aries?" A lavender hand cupped his face and brought face to face with an adolescent girl that he recognized as Twilight. "It looks like the portal effected you too...you may want to sit down."

"Wuh-what do you-" Aries cupped his mouth. Where was his helmet? Where was his gauntlet? He then looked down upon himself and realized that he was no longer Astartes...he was mortal.

He wore cobalt sneakers that blended in with his blue jeans and cobalt colored hoodie with white shoulder pads, one of which bore the emblem of the War Hounds. He had a student's bookbag strapped to his back and his weapons were nowhere to be found.

"...I...I'm..." Aries was just coming to terms with what he was seeing when- "WHAT DA GORK!?"

Turning to the high pitched voice, he saw that Greenskin had also become a human...a female human dressed like an underhiver with studded leather boots, pants of a similar nature, and an open vest over a tank top, all of which was black. She also had grown bright orange hair that was worn in a ponytail.

Aries, for the first time in his life, passed out.


Author's Note

I had meant to make this longer, but I let the day drag out and I go back to work tomorrow. I'm also putting this story and my original novel on a tiiiny hiatus to participate in a certain competition.

Earlier this week AuroraDawn, author of the infamous Rainbow Factory fanfic, celebrated her masterpiece's tenth anniversary by opening a challenge for the best fic featuring the Rainbow Factory universe. Cash prizes await the best, 2nd best, and 3rd best. We have until September 30th, and I do have any for an small one or two chapter Epilogue to her third installment of the Rainbow Factory: Reckoning that I'd like to throw in the ring.

So, I'm gonna writing that for the forseeable future, until at most September 30th, but for now, let's discuss this chapter.

Now, there isn't really much to discuss, it was mostly just me getting the characters through the mirror, and a prologue of the hilarity to ensure because yes! Aries and Greenskin are human now, and Greenskin's a girl.

Orks are genderless with masculine and I am WAAAY too big a fan of Stringstorm's Ork Idol not to do this. But I did provide some originality with the hair, which is colored the same as the Orks on Dawn of War.

As for what else happens with Krae'Nakh and Hooknose, you'll just have to wait for Aries to wake up. See you then.

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